BEing in Business Show Interview

Welcome to the Being in Business Show, where we bring on entrepreneurs from all different backgrounds and we talk about what it's like to actually be in business because there's so much content out there about doing and strategy. Um, and we learn the lessons along the way. So, uh, this year I have— I'm bringing on conversations with people who are soulful and on a heart-led path, and they've successfully transitioned from traditional life paths and careers into entrepreneurship. And today I have a very special guest for you. I met her while networking and really resonated with her. Her name is Alexandra Niel. Welcome, Alex. Um, thank you. Yeah, I'm just gonna read your bio here real quick that you provided for me. So Alex is a certified high performance and mindset coach, and she's passionate about helping women who feel stuck in their professional life, break through the inner glass ceiling, and explore possibilities for themselves so that they can create the meaningful life they desire without fear and overwhelm. Alex is a professional with 30 years of experience in the corporate world. She's lived and worked in Europe, Latin America, Asia, and regularly mentors women of all ages. In 2015, she attended Tony Robbins' Unleash the Power Within, and while at Brendon Burchard's High Performance Academy, uh, discovered her mission to serve women and help them about— and help them learn about themselves so that they can create their ideal life. And in 2016, she became a certified high performance coach, effectively bringing, uh, bridging personal experience and formal training. That's super awesome. Um, I have a couple more things. So as a coach, uh, Alex follows a science-validated methodology that and uses tried and true, uh, tried and tested strategies to work with women who simply want to show up as their best self without compromising any area of their life. And through her coaching program, she addresses the underlying elements that hinder and support women showing up authentically, resulting in a more joyful, fully engaged, and confident life. Alex believes that all women are destined to live a full, extraordinary life and that they should hold the power to shape exactly what it looks like for themselves. And in her spare time, she likes to read murder mysteries, discover new restaurants, and is not afraid of trying different and exotic foods. I love that. And can't wait to get back to traveling once the world opens up again. I, I'm with you, Alex.

Yeah, it's time.

Welcome, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for having me, this is so exciting.

Yeah, so, um, let's start with the, the first question. So tell us a little bit about your entrepreneurship journey and how— I read a little bit in your bio about going from corporate to where you are now, but tell us in your own words and your story of how you got to where you are now.

So funny enough, my entrepreneurial journey started when I divorced my ex-husband. Um, you know, after I was done with the blame game of it's all his fault and I had nothing to do with this because I did everything I could I decided that maybe it was time for me to figure out what my role in the whole thing was. And that's when I started diving into personal development. And through that, I discovered Tony Robbins, discovered Brendon Burchard. And through Brendon Burchard, I, I was at one of his events. And he was talking about his type of coaching. And I was like, out the door, credit card in my hand. I was like, Please take my money. This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. So that's kind of how the journey started. I have since gotten certified. I think this year was my 6th certification, and I always knew that this was going to be kind of my backup plan, or my, you know, what do I do after I get tired of corporate? I just wasn't exactly sure when. COVID hit, we all started working from home. And at the end of 2020, a good friend of mine who was basically living the life that I imagined living myself— she was a public speaker, she was writing books, she was impacting women all over the world— and sadly enough, she passed away of a brain aneurysm in her sleep. And that was my tipping point. The lights went on and I said, that's it, I'm out. And within a month, I left my job and walked into my living room on the first day after my last day. And I sat there with my hands on my hips, and I was like, now what the heck do I do? But, you know, you put one foot in front of the other, and you make do, and you learn, and you grow, and you make mistakes. And that's how That's how it all started, and here we are a year, just a little over a year later.

Wow, thank you for sharing that. Um, it kind of sounds like it was a domino effect of events.

Absolutely.

You didn't know it before. You didn't know it before. Did you want to be an entrepreneur? Like, did you have this as a goal or dream?

If you had asked me that 10 years ago, I would have laughed you out of my house, because I would have said, no way, this is not for me. This is— I never really had any role models in my family who were entrepreneurs except for my uncle. But I saw him very little. We had very little interaction with him because we were always in different, in different places. So for me, corporate life was my thing. When I started working at my first company, I walked in and I said, I'm going to retire from here. So never in a million years would I have thought that one day I would be on my own, um, living this crazy entrepreneurial life.

Yeah, I feel the same.

Funny how life happens, right?

Yeah, when you said that, when you were like, I walked into this company thinking that I was going to retire here. I, yeah, I used to feel very similarly of like, okay, it's just this path. This is how it goes. You come here and then you grow, go up the ranks and then you get this, you know, little nest egg that you build up for yourself. And now it's like the question of when are you going to retire is, it sounds very different to me. Does it sound different to you? It does.

Because, you know, I was talking to, funny enough, my financial advisor the other day and he asked me, so, you know, what are you planning about retirement? And I'm like, why would I retire if I'm doing something I love? I love— if I'm impacting women and making a difference in their life, I'm gonna do it until I'm like, you know, until I can't do it anymore, because there's no reason for me to want to retire from that.

Yeah, I feel the same. And it's like, in building this online business, there are also so many different avenues that you can help. It's not just like you don't always have to physically be there either to help. You can create digital products, things that will live beyond our body, books and things like that.

Yeah, exactly. And it's all part of having, you know, asking yourself, you know, what kind of legacy do you want to leave? Because when my friend passed away, I was like, I don't want this to be what I leave behind. Because it was smaller than what I wanted for myself. And the only way I was going to do something big was by being, you know, being on my own and with me calling the shots and not somebody calling the shots for me.

Yeah. Would you be willing to share a little bit more about that, the legacy piece, like what you mean by that?

So for me, it's about the kind of impact that I'm having. So right now I'm working a lot with women one-on-one, and I had a client recently, and she was— we'd been working together for about 3 months, and her kids started noticing how different she was. Her mom noticed how different she is. So it's really, for me, the legacy is if I can touch one person's life, and that person touches the lives of the people around them, that's the kind of legacy I want to leave, right? I want to be able to— I can't, you know, when people talk about changing the world, they think it has to be this big, gigantic thing. And at the end of the day, all you need to do is touch one life at the right moment. And that has the power to do the same thing just on a smaller scale. And that's what legacy is for me, is I want to know when I go kicking and screaming, because I'm not, I'm not going to go so easy, but that when I go, that I made a difference. And I had an impact and I changed people's lives beyond, you know, anything that I could have possibly done if I had stayed in corporate. Hmm.

Yeah. So it's really about that impact and how much— yeah, looking at your current situation, if you are in, um, corporate, and seeing like, how much can I— how much of an impact can I really do here under, you know, someone else's maybe management or like culture, um, that doesn't support maybe what my values are, what I want to do. And then like looking at this opportunity of being self-employed and being your own boss and being like, I can do— I can work with whoever I want. Yeah, I can. Yeah, however I want.

Yeah, exactly. And it's not to say that there aren't ways when you're, you know, in corporate that you can't impact other people, because, you know, I mentored quite a bit when I was in corporate, especially the younger generation, because, because of my experience, because of the different jobs that I had, because of my age, because of, you know, a number of different reasons. But if you aspire to make a bigger change in the world. For me, that wasn't it anymore. It was for a while, but then it became more constricted and restrictive than what I envisioned for myself.

Yeah, that's true. We can make a change or make a difference anywhere, not even at work, right? Or not even career-related. We can— Yeah, make a difference at the grocery store by being kind to someone.

That's it.

Uh, but yeah, that makes sense. So I'm curious, when you, uh, decided to make that decision to leave corporate, um, can you take yourself back to that mindset of what it was like for you to make that decision? Was it easy or was it like, did you have to think about it?

So If I think about how things happened, the decision itself was easy because I had that event that was my tipping point, so to speak. You know, it was like it literally, after I was done mourning, crying from just having heard the news, I was like, that's it, I'm done. So the decision itself was really, was really quick. I probably didn't quite think through all the consequences of making that on the spur of the moment decision. But leading up to that moment was a bit complicated because I ended up trying to think through financially, can I do it? Because I have one of my human— needs is certainty. And I always, you know, there is a certain level of certainty that comes from being in corporate. Now, that can be gone from one day to the next if your company decides that you're no longer relevant, that they no longer need you on the team, and then you find yourself on your butt like, okay, what do I do now? But while you're there, it's not just that financial security, but when you have— when you think about it, it's the benefits. It's— for me, I was a salesperson, so I had a car. Um, it's all of those little things that when you look at the whole thing make it difficult to make the shift. And I have to admit, I was really lucky because I had something that I could fall back on. A lot of women that— at least the women that I've interacted with, that I used to work with, don't have a backup plan. And without that backup plan, when you have a family to support, when you have, you know, to put food on the table, roof over everybody's head, and all of that, and you're the primary bread earner, it's a very, very difficult decision. Um, so luckily for me, it's just two of us, myself and my boyfriend, so it was not a hard decision because he's always been very supportive. He's also an entrepreneur, so We now have dueling desks in front of each other. So he understood that journey, and he understood that we were going to have to make sacrifices and we were going to have to make some changes. But at the end of the day, I think everything's been just totally, totally worthwhile.

Yeah. Yeah, that is a hard decision. And it's interesting you say, you say certainty, and, uh, especially in the financial realm. I mean, yes, like, we live in a reality where we need money to pay for our rent, our mortgage, and food, and what— this is our, this is our currency of exchange here on this world. Um, so totally understandable, especially, you know, when you have a family to take care of. Um, so, but yeah, and I'm curious, this, um, need— well, I know we all have the need, but you were saying, one of my needs is certainty. And that also sounds like a value to you, right? Like, that's one of your values.

It is, but at the same time, it's one that I'm slowly moving away from.

That was my question. Tell me more.

Because in itself, it is like, if you have— at least for me, I can't speak for anybody else. But for me, having that need for certainty put me in a box. And it was a very small box. And if I wasn't willing to take a risk, if I wasn't willing to venture out of that box, then I might as well have stayed in corporate doing the thing that I was doing before. I think part of making a difference and part of having this exciting life, right, because I think that's one of the things we all want. We don't want a boring life. We don't want to play, you know, and have a small life. We want to be able to travel the world or whatever, you know, wherever our dreams take us. And having that need for certainty is it's, it's, it's, it push, it pulls you back. It prevents you from really chasing, from really chasing your dreams. And so what I've done is instead of focusing on that need for certainty, and I don't have it all figured out, I'm still like, I still wrestle with my demons and I still, there's still moments when I'm like, oh my God, what the heck did I do? But at the same time, I think about the difference I'm making, the connections that I'm making, the impact that I'm having on women's lives. And it makes the sting of not having as much certainty less. And instead of being pushed or pulled by the need for certainty, like what's pushing me is really that desire to make a difference. And it's, you know, part of what helps me get up and out of bed in the morning and get, you know, makes me get in front of the camera when I don't want to get in front of the camera and those types of things. So for me, it was about finding, instead of that need for certainty, what can I replace that with that's going to actually push me forward? Instead of being held back by, you know, the comfort of knowing, you know, knowing what I'm going to get every month in a way.

Very much resonates. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing because I definitely resonate with like that old— I call it the old Alina, like coming back and being like, you know, 'What are you— what— why are you— what are you doing? Like, this is not what we came here to do.' And I'm like, I'm like, 'Who's speaking here? Is it the person that wants to make an impact, or is it the person that's like, you know, I don't know, me 10 years ago that valued totally different things than what I value now?' Um, and what— so what you're saying is, is like, versus valuing and focusing on this like need for security, you are now choosing to focus on service and impact and that ripple effect that you're making in the world. And it's not that you don't care about security. It's not like you want— you're like, I don't care. It's just that that's not the focus, right?

And, and I think the distinction for me is I'm willing to forego some of that sense of security right now to build something that is going to provide me with that later on in a way that is better for me, you know, more sustainable, um, where I have— there's, there's a story behind why I'm doing what I'm doing, and it's not just, you know, showing up for work and going through, you know, doing the things and going through the motions and doing the things I need to do. So that's, that's, I think, the big difference.

Yeah, yeah. And also, uh, so security is kind of tied with safety, right? And, uh, something that I learned, and I've probably talked about this on other episodes of the show because this just so has been so pivotal for me, but like Something I've learned from one of my mentors is like having the value of safety as one of your top values and security and certainty is like completely counterintuitive to this journey. It, yeah, it's like, okay, so this journey requires you to take risks, requires you to put yourself out there out of your comfort zone. It requires you to, um, take action before you're ready. So like not having it all figured out, it's like the complete opposite of certainty.

Oh my God, yeah.

And so if you put that as one of your top values, um, you don't do the thing.

You don't. It's hard. I mean, you can do it, but it's going to be a whole lot more painful along the way. Yeah, because—

well, yeah. And as you were talking, I was also thinking one of my This is the metaphor that I came up with in my brain, okay, was, um, being in the swimming pool, or, and being in a swimming pool and like swimming so close to where you can always catch yourself on the edge. Maybe you are in the deep end and maybe you've jumped in, but like you're never so far from the edge that you can't swim back and just catch yourself.

Yeah.

And everyone who's living, like living big, as you've been talking about, like living expansively, really putting themselves out there, they're out in the middle the pool where, like, I mean, there are other people who could probably save them because they're, you know, you're not alone in the pool, right? You feel like you're alone, but you're not.

Anyway, no, you know what, you talk about the pool and it makes me think about, you know, what Tony Robbins says about you got to burn your, you know, you got to burn your boats, right? Burn the boats or whatever. Let me, you know, you got to go all in and you got to just keep going. And I remember years ago I was like, like when I first started listening to him and, and I was like, this guy's nuts. I was like, I was like, how, how irresponsible can you be that you would just like completely, you know, leave this quote-unquote security? Yeah, right. Especially when you have family. And I mean, you know, time flies, and here we are on the other side, you know, the other end of the spectrum. And I'm like, okay. So sometimes it takes a little getting used to an idea before you can actually jump, and doing your homework brings you some of that certainty as well, right? Because if I hadn't talked to financial advisor to understand financially where I was, how long can I afford to not you know, get an income.

Yeah.

Um, I don't know that I would have done it, or at least not done it in the same way. Um, so yeah, yeah, that's true.

So good to plan, good to kind of— before, if you, if you're listening right now and you're maybe still in corporate or working and you're like, Can I do this? And, and security and certainty is one of your top values currently. That might be something to look at because if you, if you don't look at this and you don't, um, yeah, you kind of just jump, uh, more than likely you're going to be so focused on keeping yourself above water. If we're going to use the pool analogy, then, uh, relaxing so you can actually float. In the pool, you know, because you, you can float. Uh, it's, it's—

yeah, you can always—

drowning is an illusion.

Yeah, yeah, no, totally.

But when your nervous system is freaking out and, you know, like, this is not okay, this is not safe, um, let's not do this, um, it's not gonna be— that might distract you from actually, like, moving forward towards getting yourself out of that situation.

Yeah, and I think it's important to, to realize you're not going to have it all figured out. I didn't have it all figured out, but at least I had an idea and I had put some things in place to help to lessen the pain, so to speak. Um, so having done some of that homework helps to make the decision. But again, it's not like everything is figured out.

That's true.

At least not, not for me, because things happened like— I did not expect that for 3 weeks after I left my corporate life that I would be in physical therapy because I was having back spasms that were debilitating.

Oh wow.

Did not expect that. But I also believe that that was all of the stress that I had been carrying for all of those years trying to find its way out of my body. So I had to go through that process of just being okay with literally doing nothing but Netflix and bonbons for a while. And it was— but it was what I needed. And then after that happened, then I was able to you know, really fully step into this role.

Wow. Yeah, I, I'm with you. The body, the body knows. And I agree that it's all connected. And, um, I talk about this too a lot, just like how when you make these changes and decisions biologically, we are not wired. We are not created— what's the word? We're not wired to change. We are wired to stay the same. And when you try to make changes in your life, sometimes that can cause— well, that causes thoughts to come up. And these thoughts they affect your feelings, and these feelings affect actual things within your body. Like, chemicals within your body get released that can make you not feel very good, or you can have back spasms or whatever. And then you're like, oh my God, this could mean X, right? It's like, this means that this is not for me. And it's like, no, no, no, um. Yeah, this actually means that you're processing something and you're stepping outside your comfort zone and listen to your intuition. Oh, I wanted to ask you about— so you were talking about, you know, I had to keep focusing on this impact. I had to kind of keep going knowing that this impact was important to me. I'm guessing, and correct me if I'm wrong, but a big element of that is trust.

Yeah.

Can you talk a little bit about how you've been able to keep that trust?

Um, I'm still working on it, to be honest. I— there are still days where I'm like, this was not the right decision. And then most days I'm like, yeah, no, okay, this was, this was totally the right decision. But I think one of the things that helped with making the decision is once I actually made the decision, all of these little things started happening that I took as signals from the universe that I was on the right track. People started asking me questions about coaching. People started to— like, I started to meet people that, you know, happened to either have a need or that would complement what I would be doing as a coach, or so all kinds of little things like that happen. So I am a firm believer that if you want something and you put it out there, the universe finds a way to deliver 95% of the time. I still have those moments where I'm not quite there. Yeah. But there is like, I think when, when I was in corporate, I spent so much time in my masculine and making, having to make rational decisions and having to make difficult decisions, having difficult conversations, all of those coming from a more, I would say, masculine energy, right? And along the years, I think I lost touch with my more feminine, more intuitive sign. And I learned to listen to my head more than I listen to my heart. And that's been a big transition that I've made, I would say, probably over the course of the last— yeah, about the last year, year and a half, has been to, okay, let go of this up here and go back to here and listen to what this is trying to tell me. Yeah, because this will never steer me wrong, whereas the thoughts that come, you know, out of the two, you know, the 6 inches between my ears, you can't trust all that. You can't.

It's not wonderful analytical minds.

Yeah, exactly, which has its place, now let's be honest. Yes, but I think when you're trying to follow a dream or follow a passion, you can't really— you have to listen to your head on some level, but you really have to fall back into your heart and fall back into your heart and follow your intuition. And I think that's where when the universe kind of opens doors, puts signals out there, and you just have to be open enough to pay attention, to listen, and to not listen to then say, okay, well, what exactly does that mean? To be able to listen and, and just take it in and do what feels right. So in terms of the whole, you know, trust thing. It's like I said, it's still— I'm still learning to trust that the universe got my back. I'm still learning to trust myself and believe that I can figure it out. I don't know, but I got a good support system. I have a honey at home that's got my back, you know, 150%. And I know I can count on him to bounce ideas off of and to talk things through and, you know, to have a meltdown if I need to have a meltdown, whatever the case may be. But then little things happen that make me believe that I'm on the right track and that confirm the fact that I'm on the right track. And when I get those, that's like, okay, you know, I get that email from the client that says, you know, yeah, it's changed my life so much. It's like, okay, then I am doing the right thing. I just want the universe to hurry up and, you know, give me more, right? But you know what, everything happens in the time frame that it's supposed to happen in. And I just need to be patient and just keep doing the right things, um, and it'll come.

Yeah, I so very much resonate. And, um, yeah, I, I think it's what I, what I kind of heard you say there is that, you know, being a certain way for so long— you were talking about masculine energy, which is very much of that, like we all have masculine and feminine energies within us. Masculine being more of that action taker, the analytical mind thinker.

Factual. Mm-hmm.

And the feminine being more of that emotional type connected to the heart, intuitive. So the two work together, right? Yeah. And whenever we're in these traditional paths and careers and things like that, there's so much of that, like, masculine, so that we learn to be that way. We learn to— we learn to be that way. We don't have to trust, we just show up and we do certain tasks and things happen because we do the tasks, so we think anyway. But it's like with this, whenever you're transitioning into something that's more unknown, something that, uh, you know, you're kind of figuring out, you're playing, right? You're playing every day. You're not like, okay, I know exactly what I'm going to do do, and it's going to produce exactly these results. So I'm just going to show up and do that, and then it's going to do the thing. It's not, it's not how this works. You, you kind of creatively play, right?

Yeah, that's it. You know, and, and I grew up, I guess, with— so I was reading, I don't know if you read the book Mindset by Carol Dweck.

Oh, I have it, and I'm— yes, I had all kinds of epiphanies when I was reading the book.

And as much as I love personal development and as much as I love to grow, I also have— there's a big part of me which has a very fixed mindset. Yeah. And that mindset comes in with around failure and perfection. So, and I, again, I think it's because of how I was raised and the things that I learned and everything along the way, but If I don't know that I'm going to get it right, I almost don't want to try it because the idea of failing at something is inconceivable. It's unacceptable. And so when I was reading the book, I was like, oh my God, that's me. I was like, how can it be? Here I am, you know, telling people or coaching people through their own growth. And here I am, along with that need for certainty, this mindset keeps me in a box, right?

And same exact realization.

It was like I felt like I just got like smacked upside the head.

Yeah, it's like, no, we're into personal development, of course we're in a growth mindset, and yes, no, we are. But like, take a look at— yeah, take an inventory of your life and how you're showing up, how you're being.

And part of this whole entrepreneurial life is all about making mistakes. Nobody gets it right the first time. Yeah, you know, you want to do a webinar or you want to do what— a challenge or whatever the case may be. You, you reach out to potential clients, you put yourself out there on social media And some things resonate, some things don't. And you got to figure out in all the noise, you know, how— what's working and what's not working. But the only way that you can do that is by failing and by making mistakes. Because I know when I was in the corporate world, I never learned anything new when a project went well. Because what do we do? Good job. You know, we pat ourselves on the back, but we don't stop to think, okay, could we have done something better? Now you're on a big project and you lose the project and it's like, what did you do? How can you do better next time? Right? Because you have to find a way to figure it out. And so that's a lot of where, in a way, I've been living. The last year plus, uh, and it doesn't always feel good, honestly. Yeah, you know, you know, you do something and you think you got it and you think it's gonna, you know, change the world, and it's like crickets, you know, and you're like, dang it, I gotta go back and try again. So it's that trial and error constantly of just trying to figure it out.

Right.

It's all we can do.

But I think the reason why it doesn't feel good is what we mentioned earlier, is just you are, you are changing as a person. You are challenging your view of reality. You are challenging all of your years of being a certain way, and now you're being a different way. Your body is not going to support that. And your body is what produces these like chemicals that make you feel— I mean, they all stem from thoughts anyway, but yeah, but like, which is why mindset and, um, your thoughts are so important. Yeah. Uh, but yeah, that's, that's why it doesn't feel good.

And it's that ego. That ego does not like failure.

Mm-hmm.

So yeah.

And that's also tied to the reptilian brain, which is our brain that ensures our survival. Yeah, that cares about stuff like safety and security and certainty. So I'm curious if you could share, um, as you were talking about trust and you were talking about kind of, uh, stepping more into that feminine and masculine, and you were talking about being more in that growth mindset versus fixed mindset. I know that's a lot there, but like, can you share some practical like practices of what you've been doing to step into those ways of being?

Um, well, I think one of the things that I did right before or right after I started the journey is I ended up looking at who do I need to be, who do I need to become for this to be successful. And I kind of wrote a bit of a personal manifesto in terms of what are the values that I want to espouse, what are the things that I want to do, what do I believe in, how, you know, all of those things. And that helps me to steer myself in the right, in the right direction. I have, for example, 3 words that I use that I remind myself of every day to— of how I want to show up for people and for myself, actually, is, you know, I want to be caring, I want to be authentic, and I want to be courageous. And, you know, if I stay in those words, then I know I'm going to do the right things because that's what's motivating me and that's what's pushing me. So I think understanding who you need to be or who you want to be or what it means for you to show up as your best self and how do you describe that. That's one clear way to kind of to stay on track. And then the other thing that I was just thinking is I think I lived— so I was third generation in my industry.

Oh.

So my dad and then his father the, you know, in the same, in the same industry. And it made me wonder if I was living my life or if I was living, continuing their legacy instead of building my own legacy. Not because they ever pushed me into that direction. Um, I know people that become doctors because their parents are doctors and they have to become a doctor, and then they live a miserable life because they're you know, they wanted to be an artist and they end up having to be a doctor because that's where, from a family perspective, that was the right, quote-unquote, the right thing to do. So that wasn't the case for me. I just ended up in the industry and made a career. I had a successful 30-year career in this industry, but figuring out what you want your life to be and what you want your legacy to be. For me, that was also, um, you know, that's kind of what keeps me on track because this is the life that I had, um, is not the life that I wanted to have when, you know, when I turned 50— 50— what am I this year? 52. It became about more than just that thing because it became bigger. It became more than about me. It became about other people. So keeping the focus on that really helps.

Yeah. So what I'm hearing you say is really tuning into the values of the person who you want to be as a successful business owner. You were talking about being caring, authentic, and courageous, and reminding yourself of that every day. But not only that But it's also kind of like reminding yourself of why you decided to do this in the first place, to build your own legacy of the impact that you want to make and how you want to feel on a daily basis, versus like maybe just living a life that seemed like it was convenient, or maybe it was super comfortable, comfortable.

On some levels, because the level of stress I was living with was definitely not comfortable. And, you know, I'm on a different level of stress now, but it's my own stress. Yeah, it's not the stress that's imposed from having to meet numbers or, you know, changes in the company and, you know, and things like that. So it's a different kind of stress.

Yeah. That's true.

Healthy stress, for sure.

Uh, it's like stretching yourself.

Yeah.

Yep. So what's a practice that you, you might have to help you switch into the growth mindset versus fixed mindset?

Anytime that I come to a situation where I get like that, I don't want to do this kind of resistance, it's a reminder that that's exactly what I need to be doing. So instead of pulling back, I have to lean into it. Um, and I've done it enough times that it's getting easier. I don't know that getting in front of the camera is ever going to be easy, but it is getting easier. And what helps me to do that is, you know, I think one of the reasons why I get self-conscious being in front of the camera, I make it all about me. And at the end of the day, it's not about that. It's about the message that I can deliver that hopefully can help someone get their stuff together, or that can be just one nugget for someone to be like, oh yeah, I hadn't thought about it that way, and let me put that in play and see how that changes, you know, whatever's going on in, in their life. So taking the focus from I've got this little thing staring at me, and it's, you know, and that's the focus, to turning it around to this may be where the camera is, but the impact that I'm trying to make is out there.

Oh, wow!

And it makes such a difference in terms of leaning into that discomfort, because it gives me something bigger to think about than just little old me.

Yeah, I think you just made a really big point there. And bringing it all together, it's that focus on the impact and the people that you're helping. And yes, You are involved. Yes, there are things in your life that it also impacts, but if you're building a personal brand, it's not about you, right? Security, the value of security and certainty is about you. Fear of failure is about you. Fear of being seen or judged is about you. And what I've heard you say throughout our conversation is just like switching the focus from these things that are related to like us and our survival and our safety and our security and our, um, comfort, comfort level and turning it to like outward, like what do we value? We value impact, we value, we value the message and who's going to listen to this versus how we look or how we're judged. It's, it's changing the focus.

It is. So as you were talking, the image that came in my mind, and this is how twisted I am, imagine when somebody is being tortured, you know how they have the light that's like right in front of their face?

Mm-hmm.

And that level of discomfort, when you take that same light and you shine it outwards, you shine a light on everything else that's out there. It takes the focus off of you and it really highlights everything else that's out there for us to pay attention to. And so when you were describing, you know, when what you were just describing, I was like, that's the image that went in my mind is that, you know, you have this spotlight that's right in your face. No, turn that around and shine it on the things that matter. Shine it on the things where you want to have that impact and you want to make that difference, because the focus is off you, so it's less painful. And it also shows you where you need to pay attention.

Oh, I love that. I love that. Thank you. There's also this like Taoist proverb or poem that I'm thinking of, but I'm thinking about like— it's about leadership and recognition. Though recognition is also self-centered. You know, uh, being this like leader that is like well respected and put on a pedestal. And this is not, this is not what we're here to do.

Yeah.

Despite how it might look out into it with other people, um, that might be in this industry. But like, it pretty much, the, the sentence, or not the sentence, the, uh, little poem or proverb talks about how when the people think that they've done it themselves, the leader has succeeded. Like, yeah, and the leader just kind of fades into the background and the people go out and do their thing. Oh my gosh, I feel like this is diving into another rabbit hole of conversation that I want to continue, but, um, for the listener, that like the main takeaway is just it's, it's not about us personally to build this business. Yes, it's about, um, our purpose and, you know, what we're here to do. And I guess we do, we do have things that we need to pay for in this world, so, you know, totally, of course we should get paid for what we do. And there's a whole different thing outside of that. But like, ultimately, if you're in this business simply for personal reasons, to either get recognition, to feel like you're good enough to just get money, it's probably not the best avenue for you.

And it's only going to get you so far, right? Right. Because when— because people have to know that you care about them. And if they feel like you don't, those connections will not be made. They won't buy from you because they are not going to feel that it's authentic. Coming from a place where you want to help them. Um, and it makes a difference. Yeah, it makes a difference. So you might win short term, but I don't know that you're going to win long term.

That's very true. Yeah. Or you may just not be— you might be, you know, rolling in money but not ever feeling really fulfilled. Um, which happens so much. There are so many, like, uh, unhappy millionaires and billionaires out there.

It's because they have no meaning in their life. And our sense of self and our sense of accomplishment comes from living a life of meaning.

Yeah. And when you have to be connected to like serving and helping other people, so Thank you, this is awesome.

Oh, so welcome.

So what would be like if someone is just starting out on their entrepreneurship journey from transitioning from a, you know, traditional path or career? Like, what would be one piece of advice that you might give them to set them off on their journey?

Just, I think, trust yourself. I think especially as women, we tend to sell ourselves short. We are so much more powerful than we think we are, and we can do so much more than, than we think we can. And trusting in, in that ability to figure things out, even when you don't know You know, when it looks like everything's getting turned upside down and you don't know which way to go, the answer comes. And, and, you know, we figure it out. We try different things. Um, you know, just hang in there, you know, be sure in your purpose, in your mission, in what you want to do. And the rest will sort, you know, will sort itself out. You just have to trust in your own ability, trust in the fact that the universe has your back, and you'll get there. Timing is unknown for everyone, but you'll get there.

I love that. And also something that came to my mind is, uh, right before there's a breakthrough, there's a breakdown.

Yeah, what is the saying? You know, it's, uh, the day is always darkest before the dawn or something like that, right?

I haven't thought about that. So love that. Yeah, thank you. Well, Alex, uh, to wrap up, do you currently have any offers happening, and how can people get a hold of you if they want to learn more about working with you?

So Thank you for, thank you for asking that. So I have a couple things going on. I have a webinar that I'm going to do called Breakthrough Your Inner Glass Ceiling, and that's going to be on March 19th, 11 Eastern time. And I can, I can get you, I can get you the link. And otherwise, you can find me on my website to learn more about, about what I do. It's alexandraniel.com. Neilcoaching.com. I'll give you all of the, all of the information, or on my Instagram @alexandreneilcoaching. And I do offer a 90-minute strategy session just to, you know, if you're curious about the coaching that I do, and to give you already just a few things that you can walk away with, some new habits and some new tools that can really, when implemented consistently, make a big difference. So always happy to have, you know, always happy to have a conversation.

Fantastic. Thank you so much, Alex.

Oh, thank you for having me. This was awesome. This was so much fun. Yay!

All right, and, uh, I'll, I'll put everything in the show notes that we just mentioned so that, you know, the spelling is correct and all of that, but Thank you to everybody who tuned in and listened to this, uh, beautiful conversation. And yeah, if, if you're just starting out your entrepreneurship journey, keep going, trust, and don't hesitate.

Yeah, keep doing good things, you'll get there.

Yeah, know that you have the support if you, if you want it.

So, all right, always great. Thanks.

Thank you.