Alexandra Niel describes how she used work to avoid grief after her divorce, finding control and validation in projects instead of facing painful emotions. She argues that silence deepens isolation and that naming what you're avoiding, even in five minutes of writing, is where real healing begins.
I thought I was working hard to move forward, right? To keep having success in my career. But deep down, I knew the truth. I knew that I was hiding behind my work because I was tired of talking. I was tired of not being heard. And I was terrified of sitting with what that really meant. When I chose to leave my marriage, it wasn't a decision that I took lightly. I had already spent so much time thinking about what it meant, trying to be heard, trying to make things work, trying to have conversations that really never went anywhere, that by the time I walked away, I was exhausted. So instead of facing the full weight of those emotions, what did I do? I buried myself in work, and work became the place that I went to because I felt competent, I felt like I was in control, and I felt validated because I was good at what I did. So I want to offer 3 ideas. One is working as an escape from having real conversation really doesn't help. I picked special projects. I was the go-to person who never said no to more responsibility. I worked super long hours on top of my commute, but it wasn't just ambition because I was avoiding the situation. Work became my armor. The second thing is there is a hidden cost to silence. But here's the thing: not having those conversations didn't really make any of these feelings disappear. It just made me feel even more alone. And the more I hid in my work, the more I disconnected, not just from him, but the more I disconnected from myself. And while silence may feel easier in the moment, it's also what kept me from really processing and healing. So the third thing is discovering my voice and my feminine power. Once I stepped back into that feminine place, I was able to reclaim my voice. When I allowed myself to feel the things that I was really kind of pushing down and not wanting to feel, I got more clear and I found kind of a softer, steadier power, really a power that came because I gave myself permission to express and to trust in myself. So if you're in a place where you catch yourself hiding at work because it feels safer than speaking your truth, just take a pause and try this instead. Just step away for 5 minutes and ask yourself, what emotion am I trying to avoid right right now and write it down. Just give it a name, because sometimes just even naming it takes away its power. And know that you don't have to solve it today, but you should take time to give it a space.
