A woman rebuilds her life after divorce by pursuing curiosity and courage, from skydiving to small social experiments. She outlines three strategies: adopt childlike curiosity, build your courage muscle with low-stakes actions, and surround yourself with five types of people—a mentor, coach, challenging friend, confidant, and playful companion.
When my divorce became final, I was just a few weeks away from spending Christmas in France with my family. I had to find an apartment, I had to pack and leave, and I didn't really have time to think about what had just happened. But I do remember standing in the middle of my new living room thinking, "Now what?" And I knew I had a decision to make, and I could either continue to play that small game I had played over the course of the last few years or I could go big. And I decided to go big. I decided to get curious about who is this new me? Who do I want to be? How do I want to craft this new life that I have the opportunity to craft for myself now? So I went totally into the personal development mindset and really learned a lot about myself and about the things that had happened and why I had gotten to the point where I was. So there were two attributes that really helped me to make that journey, and the first one was to get curious. I had spent so much time invested in my relationship, in my husband, in his business, that somewhere along the way I got lost in the shuffle. I got out of the relationship and I didn't know really who I was. I didn't know what I wanted. So it was a beautiful time to really recreate this ideal life in the way that I wanted to live it. I had the opportunity to think about what do I want, what do I not want, what are hobbies or passions maybe that I had set aside that it was time to bring those things back in. And I knew I needed to be courageous because it was taking me out of my comfort zone, it was doing things in a different way. So I chose to do some— what some people would say crazy things, right? I went skydiving, I went hang gliding. If you've never gone, highly recommend. It's like flying, it's amazing. I went ziplining. Now, I'm not— aside from really if you feel called to it, going hang gliding, I'm not recommending that you necessarily do crazy things, but give yourself the opportunity to try things that you have never tried before, things that you've never done before, because that's where the magic is going to be. This is where you're really going to be able to figure out who you are, what you want, and how you want to create this new life for yourself. And the reason why curiosity and courage go so well together is because curiosity is going to be that spark that gets you thinking, and courage is going to be that action that you take to make things happen. So there are 3 ideas that I want to share with you to maybe help you to make that happen. And the first thing is this: pretend you're a child. Have you ever seen children on the playground? They jump off things, they climb things that are 15 times bigger than they are. As parents, you know, we sit there and we think, "Oh my God, my child's going to die," and the kid just, you know, falls off, brushes themselves off, and And goes again, they're curious, they're adventurous, they're looking for these experiences because this is how they learn. There's no reason why you can't do the same thing. Number 2: Start small. You don't have to do big things. Maybe instead of taking your phone out if you're standing in line at the grocery store, you talk to the person next to you. You know, get curious about the people around you. Volunteer for an organization. There are so many different ways that you can explore, and doing small things at a time is going to help you to build that courage muscle. And the third one is get yourself a support system. There are 5 relationships that I found to be really helpful in my life to really feel like I had the support and the backing that I needed as I was coming into my own. The first one is getting a mentor. A mentor who can support you, somebody who's been there before, somebody who can guide you along the way and help you to maybe avoid some pitfalls. The next one was a coach, having somebody that would get me to think differently. The third was a friend who could also challenge me on my BS stories that were running in my head that would help me to just really question, is it true or is it just a story you're telling yourself to make yourself feel better. Number 4 is a confidant, somebody that I could speak to with an open heart, somebody I could cry with, somebody I could laugh with, but somebody who was going to listen without passing judgment. And the last one is somebody I could get silly with, somebody I could go out and have margaritas with or throw axes against the wall or go for an archery lesson, whatever. Somebody that really would just be fun to be with and who would allow me to also have some fun. So if you're just going through a divorce and you're looking for a supportive community, I invite you to join my Facebook group called Brave New You. We'd love to have you.
