Emotional Mastery & Sacred Love | Jessica’s Journey to Self Trust

Hello, heroines, and welcome back for another wonderful interview. So, Jessica, welcome. How are you?

Thank you. Welcome for the welcome. Um, I'm really good. I'm doing great today. How about you?

Yeah, pretty good. No complaints. So, um, why don't we just get started with, um, you know, who you are, what you do, where you're from, kind of those basics.

Well, I like to call myself Super Jess, but not everybody else does, so—

I like Super Jess.

Super Jess, yes. Um, but I'm from Orlando, and I am a mix of a professional artist, a lover of emotions and emotional exploration, and a lover of nature. And I just, um, am— I have this insatiable curiosity about many, many, many, many things. So, uh, you can find me in philosophy, quantum physics, like all over the map. So we could talk about a lot of stuff.

Very cool. Well, I think we're gonna, we're gonna try to keep it streamlined because, um, so we can kind of keep our focus. But, um, so tell me more about Sacred Interactions Coaching. So what is it that you do exactly?

So I use the word coaching because that's what people typically look for, but I really consider myself a guide. And I consider myself a guide and/or a mentor because I have lived it myself, what I'm teaching. I discovered myself, and I discovered it, I mean, over my whole lifetime. Um, but the reason it's named Sacred Interactions is That is my belief system. I believe that every interaction we have, whether we choose to see it as a sacred interaction or not, is one. Um, and the reason for that is I do believe that we are all made of the same stuff, and everything is. And so there is a oneness to us, and that whether or not we realize it, we're being supported by billions of people around the world. They're touching us in some way. Um, just look, take a look around your room and you can see any— you can pick up any item. Like, for example, I can pick up this, this little guy who brings me joy every day, um, with its little buddy. And just think about what's involved here: plastic and ink. That's it. But if you think about what it took to get these here to me to bring me joy, You've touched on the buildings that people are working in, the staples that they're using, the paper that they're using, the trucks with all of their parts and the rubber and all of the things that— and the people that are digging into the ground to get the petroleum to make the plastics and the plants for the ink and the clays for the inks and then the containers. And if you do that, if you really think about where one item comes from that is sitting there bringing you joy or help helping you be more productive, you've touched all the way around the world. There's been an exchange that has touched you and has touched just about everybody, whether it be the person that's doing the work or their family that got, you know, paid and that exchange happened. It's— it to some degree, we are supporting each other all the time regardless of whether or not we know it. And so to me, I like to say thank you. Every day I like to just say, pick up an item and be like, you know, to everyone that played a role in this mouse getting to me, I appreciate you, I'm grateful for you, I'm grateful for you, to your, to your efforts. And so I see every interaction is sacred in that way, even if we don't show up that way.

Yeah, no, and it's actually, I had, until you started describing that, I hadn't really thought about it because, I mean, this is just a thing, right? But it's true that when you kind of take that 10,000-foot view, it's like it's a lot more than just a thing. So what's been your journey to kind of get to this open way of thinking and looking at interactions with the world around us?

You know, I think it started with my mother. Always, um, she looked around the world. She was— she loved nature, so we were always looking at nature, and she was teaching me this and that. But we would walk through nature and we would look for the unique. We'd look for the thing that nobody would normally notice. And so I started very early developing an appreciation for the smallest, tiniest little things. And the hidden things and the, the things that people typically ignored. And then from there, as I grew up and I traveled a little bit and, you know, made a bunch of mistakes, hurt a lot of people along the way, unfortunately, including myself, um, in my 20s I had a really, really challenging relationship, and it was— it got pretty, um Got pretty nasty. And about towards the end when I was done and I was like, I'm done, I, I'm gonna walk away from this, I was devastated. And I went in search of help, and basically all my friends slammed the door in my face and said, I don't want to hear about it anymore. And so I ended up at a friend's mother's house, and she gave me the book Creative Visualization. And in that book, when you visualize your life or you visualize what you wish to have, that got me started with my imagination and realizing that my, my imagination actually does affect my outcomes in life. And from that, my imagination took off, and I started realizing that there's so much more to every moment. There's so much more to every interaction. There's so much more to every thought that I have because I— every story that I tell myself, I can actually look and see that there's more information there.. And so if I'm telling myself a story that's very, um, harmful, not supportive, I can actually look and see the truths that are there. And in that full spectrum, I can find truths that support me. And so that imagination really took me to a bigger vision of just about everything that I was experiencing.

That's amazing. And when it boils down to it, it's really about You know, people talk a lot about awareness, but I think it's really about paying attention, right? It's about not walking through the world with eyes half closed and on autopilot.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I think it's also get out of your head, get out of your head, use your senses and your faculties as the tools they're meant to be. Don't let them run you. And if you don't know how to do that, there's practices all over the world of different ways to try and just keep trying some things until they work for you. Um, but the main thing is get out of your head. Like, don't let your head run you. And your emotions too. Understand your emotions. Get to the point where when you have an emotion, you know how to work with it, to learn why it's showing up, to learn if it's a good correct warning for something if it's a not comfortable emotion, or even if you're excited about something, it might not be the best place for you. So you, you get to learn about them to see if they're guiding you in the right direction, or if your GPS needs recalibration, you know. And then, um, start feeling the world, start bringing in more information than what you normally get given. And that does take practice. It's— it is about presence, but it's also choice.

So it's, um, I want to go back to what you just said about emotions because I think that society by and large doesn't want to deal with negative emotions, right? Negative emotions equals bad. Yeah, but like you say, there is a there is a gift in that negative emotion if we take a minute to just pause and, and pay attention. So for somebody who might be running away from their emotions, numbing, avoiding, any of those things, what's an easy way to kind of just not be afraid to face, to face those emotions.

Yeah, um, that is— to get started is the most difficult part. Yeah, absolutely. And you will experience a lot, but shifting our mindset a little bit, using it as the tool that it's meant to be. Number one, negative, bad— I try to say comfortable and uncomfortable. Because it takes away good and bad, negative, all that kind of stuff. And it's just like, oh, I'm experiencing an uncomfortable emotion right now. I'm experiencing a comfortable emotion right now. And honestly, um, I'll talk about how to approach them, but I would say apply what I'm about to say to both your comfortable and your uncomfortable. And maybe start with the comfortable if it's really scary to do it with the uncomfortable first. Start with the comfortable and get used to the idea of being with, investigating, and actually inviting your emotion to become stronger, um, with the more comfortable stuff before you dive into the uncomfortable. So what I also like to remind people about is that most of our guidance system that is throwing these emotions at us is coming from programming that we got in younger years, and some of it comes from pre-language. So if you try, I mean, we can talk to it, we can use our mind, we can use logic, we can use all these things. But if you try to approach it from the typical language that you know, it's— it may not work because it could be pre-language. It could be from the time when you were young and you were sensing everything, you were absorbing it with your body and through frequency because your brain waves were more susceptible at that time. So that's what we want to do. We want to go back to the language of frequency and emotion, which is to accept. First, first you accept it. Now I'm gonna, I'm gonna say some things that's a little bit challenging and out there, but this is how I did it. First, I would notice— I'd notice, I committed and I noticed— and I would notice that I'm feeling something, and then I would say, thank you, thank you for showing up, thank you for trying to communicate with me again. I know you've been here before, and I know that I ignored you, and I abandoned you, and I no longer want to self-abandon the parts of me that are comfortable or uncomfortable. And I do want to hear you. I want to understand you. I want to know your wisdom. I want to know what message you're bringing to me. I don't know what that is yet, but I'm going to feel you and allow you to be here. I'm not going to push you away this time. So there's no suppression, no repression, none of that. And then I invite it show me where you are, show me where in my body you're hanging out right now. And then I feel my body and I feel like, okay, I'm a little nervous about being here in this conversation with you. I've been doing these things for a while and yet the nervousness never goes away. It's still always there. It's not as intense, but there's still a little bit there. So right now I can go, okay, there's a little bit there and I'm kind of feeling it in my— a tingle in my arms Actually, in my legs too, and that's new for me. Usually it's in my chest or sternum, you know, that area, but it's not today. And so I'll invite it, like, show me the extent that you wish to be seen right now. And I'll feel it and I'll go, what color are you? And there's green in my arms, there's red in my legs. And you know, what shape are you? Do you have a shape? And if I had to give you a shape, what would it be? And I start communicating with shape and color. And I even go to the point where I'll ask it, if you had a smell, what would that be? And sometimes I get a message in my mind, and other times I actually have smelt things like peanut butter or a flower. And I just be with it and watch the movement of it. And if I have to focus, if I don't have time and I have to focus, I just say, I'm not going to push you away. You're allowed to be here as long as you need to be with me. I'm going to put you in the back seat, but I'm going to remove my focus and I'm going to do what I need to do. And that's, that's the main way I got started. Um, I go way more in depth now because of that beginning. I started, I created a whole technique called the Inner Transformation Technique that I guide myself through regularly and I guide others through. And this is a blend of science, spirituality, And of course, playful curiosity. And I try to keep it light and playful because there are gems there. There are true, true gems, power, information. You can learn so much about yourself by taking the time to get to know these parts of you and bring— invite them in for the conversation.

And what I love about the process is First, I love that it's not good or bad, because good or bad involve— means judgment, means putting a label, whereas comfortable or uncomfortable is how we feel, right? So I think that, I think that's important because, like we were saying before, there is no such thing as, you know, a bad emotion. It's just a— hello. Pay attention, right?

Human experience.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And being able to just kind of sit with it and experience it, I think that's the difficult part for a lot of people because it's like, it feels uncomfortable, for lack of a better word.

Yeah. And it can get really uncomfortable. Yes, it can. No doubt.

So how— when do you, or do you, disengage? Like, what's the tipping point when you know it's okay to keep going and when you know it's like it's time to just let it go for now?

So the majority of the time when you sit with and invite this in you will get to an extreme, a more extreme sensation of the emotion. And if you can sit with it just a little longer, often what you'll find is that it actually subsides. So there's— it's always in movement. It, it never stays the same. And when I say in movement, I don't just mean like in areas of the body, which that definitely can happen, but it always feels different. It always feels like it's shifting. Even if you're, you're experiencing, say, you're really, really angry— I'd like to mention two things about intense emotion. One is, if you're feeling really, really angry at your mother versus your child, it's gonna feel different. There is a different flavor. So pay attention to the nuances and in the flavors of the same emotion. And then the other thing is that if you can sit with it long enough, no, notice what you notice. Don't force anything, don't try anything. You're literally just sitting there to notice what you notice. And what you will notice is that there's movement. It's hard to explain until you actually sit with it and, and test it and check it out. And then if you're getting to any point of you're feeling like it's too uncomfortable, you shouldn't be doing this by yourself, um, panic attack level is on its way, anything like that, what I would suggest— and honestly, this is something else I teach— is a hug. If you can get a hug, find a hug, go get a hug from someone physically. And if you can't, just imagine yourself hugging yourself, like even a future version of yourself. Coming in and hugging you and saying, thank you for doing this because you're changing my trajectory right now. You're, you're helping me become this ideal version of you right now. And, and allow yourself to receive that appreciation from an ideal version of yourself in the future. And I use that hug all the time, like all day long. If something comes up and I need a hug, my future self is coming in and hugging me. And then parts that I've connected to, younger versions, things like that, that I've, um, healed. I don't like necessarily— but that's a good word because they feel better now that I've worked with them. Um, I invite them for a hug sometimes too because it's great getting a 3-year-old version of me to run up to me and be like, oh, you know, and just nice big hug. So it shakes me out of that, um, that space a little bit so that I can refocus. But I try to never tell the emotion to go away. Um, I, I have, in my experience, I have noticed that that shows up as self-abandonment, and we don't want to do more harm. So if you can get it to a point where you can refocus but allow it to be there if it needs to be there without the repression and all of that, it's a much safer way to go.

Okay, beautiful. Thank you for, uh, thank you for sharing that. Yeah. When, when you work with your clients, like, what's been, um, what's been a transformation that they've gone through that's really kind of stuck with you? That, um, because of their journey and because of, you know, how you guys engage together, or Anything that comes to mind?

Um, there's so many that come to mind. I'm trying to pick one. I would say one of my favorites was a woman who was living with her sister, and it was not turning out the way that her sister and her had discussed when she moved in, and she was starting to feel trapped because she was in her sister's home, and she felt that to be able to leave or do anything about it, it was going to ruin her relationship with her sister. And we originally started working together for different reasons, and then this ended up showing up as an underlying issue in her life. And a lot of what I teach is getting people to lead their life with self-trust emotional maturity, and of course presence, personal power, and leading with love. So with that, after having worked with her in, in guiding her in how to approach life from a sacred interactions way, um, she ended up moving out from her sister's home. They still have a phenomenal relationship, and she has gone on to shift her, um, business to something that she had done for almost 25 years and she was miserable with, and she has totally shifted into a new space and she's thriving. And that— when I see that happen, when I feel that happen, I'm like, yes, we just raised the frequency of the planet. So this is great. So it's, it's a mission that's really big for me. And of course, one person at a time is the way that it goes, but it's for us all, always.

That's beautiful. And it's, you know, I always love hearing those kind of success stories. And just because I think because of the work that we do, we often see women who are struggling and really struggling, and they're so awesome, and yet they don't realize it and they don't see it. And it's like, okay, let's bring that let's bring that out. And, you know, that's like you said, it's, you know, one way of elevating the frequency all around for, for everyone. Um, yeah, so absolutely. I wanted to ask you, because we've all had a story of heartbreak or difficulty, you know, or difficult relationships, um, what's been the biggest lesson from, in your experience of, you know, in your relationships, um, that have really stuck with you and changed the way that you approach relationships now?

So, um, I grew up with a mother that was very unhealthy. She was sick all the time. And I became basically that nurturer, caretaker. And when I started having relationships, um, of course I would get into them very similar to what I knew from my family, which was also a very religious family. So there were a lot of expectations, um, and, you know, relationship after relationship after relationship, I thought I'd learned a whole lot of things. And then I finally found the person that I absolutely love and adore and want to be with the rest of my life, and we got married, and I was After about, I want to say, 7 or 8 years, I can't remember exactly, um, I realized that we were in a codependent relationship because I was— I had always been doing— I've been doing self-development, personal development since my 20s, and I thought I'd healed a whole lot of stuff. And then I went into— I became a Disney Imagineer, and in that space, it— I thought the imposter syndrome and all that was taken care of. But once I got it to that next level, of course it all dropped in. And when that dropped in and I started needing a little bit more from my relationship, it wasn't there. And that woke me up to the fact that I had actually created a— that we did together, um, but I had allowed myself into a codependent space with my partner. And bringing it to her attention over and over and over again wasn't working. And when I was done, I wanted to fix this, I'm ready for something new, She wasn't seeing it yet. So we had 3 years of— probably about a year and a half about going head to head over it and me really trying to get her to see it and us thinking that divorce is the only way. Fortunately, at that point, um, I'm not sure exactly what happened except for the fact that I started showing up And this was my major change that made a difference. I focused on me. I focused on being the healthiest, most powerful version of me. And I started showing up that way and mustering up as much love as I could. So basically I said thank you to me, but then I started saying thank you to her every time she triggered me. Not out loud, but every time there was a trigger that came up between us I just was like, thank you for this trigger because it's bringing up a part of me that I can look at and shift and grow and use that energy to become more whole. And so I started thanking all the problems we had, every trigger that came up, every conversation that didn't go well, every moment that went well. I just started showing up as if Everything was a sacred interaction, but with me as the focus first, not from ego, from my truth, from my heart. And that journey brought me into a space of self-discovery, curiosity, and also seeing the world as a mirror, accepting that if something out here is triggering me, that emotion is actually being triggered because of some part of me that has that frequency in there that can be triggered. Otherwise it wouldn't matter. And I started noticing that there are a lot of things went on that didn't trigger me, that triggered other people. So if we have that sitting there, that little frequency is the only thing I can think of, right? It'll trigger you. And so I started saying thank you because it gave me something to look at. That was the major shift when she felt and saw that and experienced that, it was like, wait, what's going on here? Why do you seem more confident? Why do you seem like you have more power? Why are you not being triggered by me? All of that. And then from there, it was the— it shifted into, oh, you're not trying to hurt me, you're actually bringing useful information to the conversation. And then it started to slowly work our way into, okay, this is what I'm, you know, this is what I'm doing. You don't have to do it this way, but we have to find a way to, um, really trust that we're not trying to hurt each other, that we're trying to be heard by each other. And once we got there, then things got better rather quickly, but it took a while to get there.

Yeah. Well, like you said, the beginning is always the most difficult part, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely.

So, well, congratulations for that journey because it's not, not very often that I hear a story of mending versus ending. So, yeah, thank you for, thank you for sharing that. You're welcome.

I'm very grateful for that story as well.

Yeah.

Because I didn't want the relationship to end. I most definitely didn't. So yeah, I'm really happy too.

And it's— I, I, the— I think the key thing in what you said is, I started showing up for me, right? And when we can do that, then people have a choice. The person that we're with has a choice. They either decide that, oh, this is kind of interesting, let me be curious about it and let me jump on board, or this is just not for me. And then at the end of the day, it's a choice.

Yeah, absolutely. And at the end of the day, if they're— if you're showing up for you and you're learning to love yourself and someone else is annoyed by that, that's not someone that you want in your world, really. And I know it hurts and it's not what people want to hear, And if that person gets curious and then goes, oh, wait a minute, I want to show up for me too. And the two of you can show up for yourselves individually and bring that strength and those discoveries together and start helping each other and supporting each other. And eventually I went to my wife and I said, here's the thing that I do, and I know that I do it because of my past with my family and all of that, and I'm trying to catch it, but if I can't catch it and you see it in me, If you bring it to my attention, I will be grateful. And if she brought it to my attention, I said thank you. I didn't get annoyed. I appreciated it. So we started supporting each other and even seeing our patterns and giving each other permission to help each other. It's, it's a huge leap and it takes a lot of vulnerability, but the more you get practiced at it, the more powerful you are in your vulnerability. Which is a phenomenal superpower.

Yeah, yeah, great. So, um, anything that you think is important to mention that we haven't touched on?

I would say that emotions really can be your best friend, and befriending your emotions, I think, is one of the most powerful things to do, to learn the language of them, because if you're about to do anything in the world, it doesn't matter if it's speaking, going into a new relationship, whatever it is, and you have emotions come up that say, no, don't go there, no, absolutely not, it might be coming from part of you that's scared, but the adult version of you is ready for that. So if you can befriend that emotion and learn from it and and integrate that energy, it now shows up as a supportive part of you and it propels you forward. I would say that that is also when people say, you know, people don't want to speak, you know, they'd rather die than speak. I would like to argue that it's not speaking that they don't want to do, it's feeling the emotions that come up when they go to speak. So in some cases, I would say we would rather die than feel our emotions. And if you can get to the point where you're totally comfortable feeling your emotions, you can go anywhere, you can do anything, you are unstoppable. It's amazing to feel that.

Very true. Yeah, very true. Very cool. Well, Jessica, thank you so much for being here and for sharing your wisdom.