Alexandra Niel moved to the U.S. at 15 and spent years changing her accent and personality to fit in. She kept conforming even after marriage until she realized the cost. Her advice: stop performing for your partner and be yourself.
Americans often ask me where I'm from, and I always have them guess. And I've gotten German, I've gotten Brazilian, Argentinian, none of which are right. And the funny thing is, people who speak English but who are not American don't notice the accent so much because their ear is tuned into different tonalities or different— a different accent. And I also worked really hard when I first came to the US when I was 15 because I I was so different and all I wanted to do was belong. I wanted to be part of the cool kids and I felt like in order to do that I needed to set aside a part of myself, set aside a part of who I was and that's why I worked so hard on this darn accent. And in a way I created like a wrinkle because when I married I continued in that vein of conforming, blending in, not making my voice heard, not standing strong for the things that I wanted because it was still so important for me to be accepted. So I'll give you one guess as to how exactly that turned out. And my recommendation is just be you, just be who you are, show up in your relationship authentically because that's what's really going to make it last.
