From Coffee Dates to Forever Love:How I Dove Back into Dating

The mere thought of going back out into the dating world today gives me the hives. When I hear my friend's horror stories and everything that I see online, it really doesn't make for a very attractive landscape. But it was also a world that I had to dive into once my divorce was through, and I was actually excited. I was excited because I felt like I had put my life on hold for so long that it was time to go out and have fun and explore But I also wanted to make sure that I was ready, and I knew that I was because I went through a lot of introspection. I ended up joining a personal development group on Facebook, which was kind of like a Tony Robbins single, and I got to meet a lot of other people that were into personal development. So being able to spend time with them, participate on the forum, really gave me an opportunity to question myself and to understand why things had happened the way that they were. What did I not want to repeat moving forward? It gave me a chance to see what my triggers were and why I behaved in the ways I behaved. And through this introspection, it gave me the confidence to say, okay, I think I know who I am now, And once that happened, I knew that I was one step closer to being able to go out in the dating world. The other thing that I realized is I was ready when I was no longer angry with my ex. So first I went through the whole blame game, right? It was all his fault and I did everything right. But then I started to think about it and I understood that there were two of us in this relationship. So yes, he had his faults, but what were mine? And when I let go of that anger, and combine that with the introspection that I went through, I knew that it was the right time and I knew that I was ready. And I also got excited about actually being out there instead of like, oh my God, I gotta go out there. I was like, hey, I got to go out there. And going out in the dating world also taught me about setting boundaries. What was I okay with? What was I not okay with? And being able to stand in my belief and in what I wanted and to be able to express that was hugely empowering. And the more I was able to set those boundaries for myself, the more confident I felt and the safer I felt. So when, you know, I was done with the introspection, done being angry, okay with starting to set some boundaries, I started going out with my girlfriend. And I just had fun. I had fun learning to meet other people, get curious about who they were and what their life was like. It was awesome to have her with me because she was kind of my wingwoman and I was hers. She had also not too long before that gotten a divorce. And so for the two of us to kind of get together and be like, okay, you know, we're going out there, we're going exploring, we're gonna go have a good time. And that was really such a fun, fun time. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. So I started going out on coffee dates once I got used to being out there with her a little bit more. I drank more coffee than you can shake a stick at, but being in a coffee shop with other people around, meeting for an hour, maybe two, it doesn't have to be a big old production, was really a way to develop more confidence. And the safety aspect was, was very important. I also tried kind of the online dating, right? Match, and God only knows whatever else I was on out there. And online was great because you could do it in the— I could do it in the safety of my own home. I could be in my PJs, not wearing any makeup, and just really having conversations and trying to get to know people. But it wasn't really my bag. What I found was that being part of that group on Facebook that was the Tony Singles Group actually ended up where I found my happily ever after. And the great thing about that was that because everybody was in personal development, it gave me new insights about myself. And this is where I learned about writing a relationship vision. And what a relationship vision is, if you have never done one, I absolutely highly recommend it. The relationship vision is all about writing down exactly what it is you want out of your relationship, how you want to feel, what you want, what qualities you want the other person to have, how you want those interactions to be. And by getting that crystal clear idea in your head, you actually open yourself up to the universe because the universe doesn't have to guess what you want, you're telling it exactly what it is you want. So if you've never ever written a relationship vision, I cannot recommend that enough. I created a worksheet that's going to take you step by step how to do your own relationship vision. I'll put the link in the comments and just dive in because the clearer you are, the more likely you are to invite that into your life. And I just want to tell you the story of my friend Julia, who I had spoken with about doing her own relationship vision. And she was like, yeah, I don't know if it works, and blah blah blah. And she ended up going to psychic who actually told her to get crystal clear about what she wanted, not in the context of having a relationship vision, but about getting crystal clear about what she wanted. And she also dismissed her. And one day she was sitting in the coffee shop, so things must have been percolating for her. She was sitting in a coffee shop and she grabbed a napkin and she wrote her relationship vision on a napkin. She wrote what she wanted out of the new person that she wanted to bring into her life. And wouldn't you know it, within a few weeks of her doing that— and the funny thing is she took that napkin and she threw it away because she's like, I don't believe in that stuff— but within a few weeks she ran into the exact person that she had described on that napkin. So you don't have to believe it, you just have to do it and let the universe do its thing.