Alexandra NielDivorce Recovery Coach, ANiel International, LLC. · I help women who held it all together through divorce finally build a life that’s actually theirs | Thrive After Divorce

From “Should” to “Could” | The Mindset Shift That Accelerates Healing After Divorce

12 Aug 2025 · 1 min

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In this video, Alexandra Niel explains how the language we use with ourselves can either trap us in a restrictive mindset or open us to possibilities that aid recovery after divorce. She contrasts the negative, self‑critical phrasing “I shouldn’t have done…” with the empowering, forward‑looking phrasing “I could have…”. By shifting from a focus on what went wrong to what could be done, listeners are encouraged to adopt an expansive view of their future, seeing opportunities, options, and possibilities rather than constraints. The talk positions this linguistic reframing as a practical tool for accelerating emotional healing and building a life centered on possibility.

Chapters

And there's a difference between saying to yourself, I shouldn't have done, I shouldn't have done this, versus I could have done that. Shouldn't is, or the negative is constrictive or constricting, restrictive, versus the positive part, which is I could have, is expansive, right? It's Opportunities, it's options, it's possibilities, it's all of those different things. When you look at it the other way, it's everything. It's all of the other possibilities. That's where I want to live. You want to live in a world of possibilities and opportunities, and I get that.