How Puppets Heal Childhood Trauma | An Approach to Helping Moms Reconnect with Their Kids
In this interview, host Alex talks with Helen, a former Dutch teacher now living in the Caribbean, and her puppet persona Janie about "relational puppetry" – a method that uses puppets as safe, non‑judgmental third parties to help children, especially those affected by trauma or family disruption, express themselves. Helen shares how her own early‑childhood trauma led her to discover that puppets could bridge the communication gap with children who mask their feelings. She recounts a pivotal moment when a child approached her about the puppet, confirming its power to elicit honest dialogue. The conversation explains the core principles: the puppet acts as a friend that does not judge, does not know, and does not offer solutions, allowing the child to speak freely. Helen and Janie describe how they train parents, educators, and therapists to use puppets, emphasizing relationship‑building, safe spaces, curiosity, and the "Babel" or "chitchat" style of babbling to lower thresholds for response. They discuss the age range—while puppets are common with toddlers, they can be effective with individual pre‑teens and teens if the puppet enters the child’s world. Practical entry points include starting with simple sock puppets, using the Babel style, and focusing on presence, attention, and slowing down. Helen invites listeners to her YouTube channel and a free mini‑course for beginners. The interview concludes with advice for divorced parents: create a third‑party puppet (even a sock) to facilitate safe, playful communication and help children ventilate emotions without feeling loyalty conflicts.
Chapters
Hello, heroines! This is Alex. I hope everybody is having a great start to the week, and I am back with another interview. And I really wanted to bring Helen on because I think what she does is absolutely the coolest thing ever. So I wanted her to be able to share that gift with you. So Helen, welcome! How are you?
Yes, thank you. Hi, Alex. Hi, everybody. I'm Helen and I am Dutch living in the Caribbean. And yeah, now I'm here to tell you about what I'm doing.
And it's so exciting. And Helen, I had never met anybody before that does what you do. And I just absolutely fell in love with you and your work. And I just, Found it. See, that's Janie.
Yeah, it's almost right. It's Janie.
Janie. Okay. I knew I should have said it differently with the J. Janie.
Yeah, but it was always, it was almost correct. I don't mind. You tried it.
I did try. Thank you for being so generous, Janie. How are you?
Yes, I'm fine. Yes, it's Monday and I like Mondays because then we have a whole new week ahead.
Yeah, and a lot of opportunities to do things in a different way. So I'm gonna let you guys ping pong off of each other. So who wants to tell us what you do and kind of how you got started?
Okay, I will, I will start because she came later. I am a teacher, a former teacher, and when I got into, when I became a teacher, I noticed that there are children that are not that easy to reach, that there are Yeah, quite some children that don't speak out, that doesn't feel safe in any way and doesn't come to learn what I wanted them to learn. And I recognize their behavior because I am an early childhood trauma victim myself, and I saw in their behavior the things that I did myself as a child, the the masking, the, uh, the all those things, the, the, the, uh, the gaze in the eyes and everything. I, I, I recognized so many things, but I couldn't reach them. They, for them, I was an adult. And so I was looking for a way to bridge that gap, and I have read in some book that a puppet could help. So I thought, okay, let's try something with a puppet. And that's how it started. That first time was completely a mess. I wasn't made for it, I thought, after that first time. But there was one specific child I took the puppet with me for, and that child reacted. It He came to me after I put my puppet back in my bag and he asked me, "Miss Helen, is your puppet in your bag still? Because I want to tell him something." And I was really flabbergasted because he had never told me something. And that stupid puppet came and the first time he got connected with that child, and that really fascinated me. And that was the beginning of, yeah, a journey of 30 years now to work with a puppet. And, um, yeah, what I have— I, I have been a teacher for 10 years and I have tested and experimented a lot with a puppet to discover what, yeah, what do you— what does your puppet need to get that connection with a child? Because it's When you let a puppet do what you do as an adult, then after a few weeks it doesn't work anymore. So I had to figure out what is the exact magic of the puppet and how can I use that to bridge that gap and to help the child. Because if a child speaks easier to a puppet, then it gives me information that the child wouldn't share with me. So that was the whole idea. It's not a puppet as a goal. The puppet isn't there just for fun. It is there to help me get information from the child so I can help the child better. So that, that was, that, that is the way I think about a puppet. And after that 10 years, I decided to start my own business because there was so little known about, yeah, the power of the puppet, about what I have seen in practice, that I thought I have to share this because this is really valuable and it could help a lot of people.
So that's where I came in.
So, Janie, what is it like when you work with a kid?
I really like talking with children. Yes, I am a very curious puppy, and I always want to know, um, from a child, how are you doing today? What do you like, um, and what don't you like? And what happens? Yeah, so even if the child does something that she as an adult don't— doesn't like, then I can ask, but why did you do that? I don't have an opinion about that. I don't have judgments. No, I only want to know why did you do it? Because he is my friend or she is my friend. All the children are my friends.
So Helen, I'm going to ask you the next question, which is Do you feel when you're working with the children, do you feel you disappear and Janie kind of takes center stage?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yes, yes. And that's that I am very aware of the fact that children talk more easily to her. So when she is talking with children or playing with children or challenging them, then it's only her. I am the one who plays her, but I am a kind of invisible. I don't do dialogues with her. I don't interfere in conversations or in activities because I don't want to put a spotlight on me. Because the reason that children talk so easily to a puppet is because she isn't an adult. So if I And that's something that a lot of adults do. And in teaching methods, in all kinds of programs where it's worked with puppets, there is a dialogue between you and the puppet. And I have noticed that children tell way more when you don't interfere. So that's what I'm not doing.
No.
No, I am with the child. Yes, I am with the child. Yes, and she is only playing me and she's listening.
And because there is no dialogue, I can focus on what is happening between the child and the puppet. I can see all the signals. I can see how happy a child is or how sad a child is. I can watch the body language. I can focus completely on that, what's happening between the child and my puppet.
Yeah, and I am a friend.
So Helen, you work with children, or Janie works with children. How do you guys work with parents of the children.
No, we work with parents, we work with adults, we don't work with children. We only work with children if there is a parent or a professional who says, uh, there is a child, or I have a child and I don't know how to reach it, and I don't know if a puppet can reach my child, then we say, okay, let's try it. And then I do— and then we do a session with the child to discover if the child is open for a puppet, and sometimes also to show the adult how we would reach out to the child. But we work with professionals and with parents.
So are you kind of like a go-between? A go-between the parents? Like, do you— like, is it almost like you interpret in a way the dialogue between— or you— what you do enables the parent to understand the child and the child to communicate with the parent?
Yeah, what I do, what we do, is teach parents and professionals the power of the puppet. What makes that children respond so easily to a puppet, and how can you, um, uh, how can you facilitate the topics that you want to discuss with a child, or the activities you want to do with a child? How can you facilitate your puppet to let it take over your role. That is what we do. So we train parents and professionals how to use a puppet to bridge that gap.
Okay, that makes sense.
And in that process, they discover that they start communicating with children in a whole different way, because what a puppet does is a puppet looks from a different perspective. An adult always looks from an adult perspective, but a puppet looks from the child's perspective. So working with a puppet means that you get a better understanding of a child's world because you learn to speak their language.
Interesting, because it's true, they do have a different, a different language, a different way of communicating.
Yeah, yeah. And what happened, and what happens then, uh, for example, you are a parent and you have a child that, that doesn't really want to say what's on its mind, then with a puppet you can learn how to reach your child in a different way. So what we teach you is a different way way of communicating with a child. And, and the best thing about that is that you reach your own inner child again and that you really, really, really, um, get a better connection with a child, with your child, with the child you work with.
That's amazing because so we have, you know, a lot of women in the group have children So, and you know, they're struggling with coming out of a divorce, trying to keep their family together, as well as becoming more independent in the sense of they have to rebuild their lives, right?
So, but the children are in pain too.
Absolutely. So how do you work then with women who are in the situation that is so difficult, not just for the parent, right, but also obviously for the child because the child's life just kind of imploded. Yeah, yeah.
What we do is just teach how to reach the child. There are two roles if you are playing with a puppet, and that I think that is one of most beautiful things of working with a puppet. Then there is you and there is a puppet, and you can take in a different role. You can be a puppet, and if you do that wise, if you do that with awareness, then you can hear what is on your child's mind without your child has the feeling that it has to be loyal to you, because that is what what is happening a lot when parents are divorced. They feel loyal to their father, they feel loyal to their mother, and if you ask, what, what do you want, then they are in a sort of split for themselves because they don't, they don't want to hurt anybody. And if you, if you place a puppet in between you and the child and you don't interfere with, with the communication between the child and the puppet. So if you learn how to, yeah, how to, if you master this skill, then your child doesn't have the feeling it is talking to you. So then you get the information you need to help your child better, and you give your child the friend he needs to ventilate what is on his mind, because the pain that you see with your child is real, and your pain is real too. So you both need a third party that is safe enough both for you and the child to communicate in a different way, and a puppet can be that third party.
So, Jani, how old are the children that you normally— or not the children, but like I'm just trying to understand up to what age is a good age to work with a family, let's say.
Yeah, we often think with a puppet, we often think of very young children, the toddlers and the kindergartners, and also because puppets are used for that age in schools. But in my experience, It doesn't have to be a young child. I have worked with teenagers and that really opened their heart for the puppet. And because there is a difference if you work with a puppet in a group, if you go into a classroom in 6th grade or something, then probably children will find it childish and will not open up because of everything that is happening in a group. But if you have an individual child, then everything is different, and then you can create connections between a puppet and that 12-year-old or that 14-year-old.
The only thing you have to do is let the puppet be in his world. So the puppet doesn't have to be childish. Now, with a 12-year-old, we talk about television programs that they see on television or computer games, or we ask advice what kind of smartphone we have to buy.
So that are the topics. So that is When you're working with a puppet, you are connecting a puppet with the world of experience of the child. So that is always leading, and that also means that it is never the same because every child is different. So it always starts with what kind of child is this and what are the things that makes this child really happy. What are the topics he wants to talk about?
So that's why, that's where I always start. I always start with, hi, how are you? And what do you like? And who are your friends? And what do you like to play? And how's school? Do you like it?
So we always start with building up a relationship In the way I call it, what I do with my puppets, I call it relational puppetry. And that means that the relationship is always in the center. It's always about friendship. It's always about creating safe spaces. It's always about who are you and what do you need. Because that's what I want to know. I want to help. I want to help the child. I want to help the child grow. I want to help the child to speak out.
Yeah, that's our goal. We are not puppetry stuff. No, we are not doing acts or something. We are just into the relationships.
Okay, so I hear two things. I hear, um, safe spaces, and I hear no judgment.
Yeah, and question and curiosity is, is another thing.
We, uh, don't know the child, uh, when we start working with a child, uh, that's always— that, that also was something I noticed in my classroom as a teacher. I knew a lot of things about the children. But when a puppet comes in, he can ask all kinds of questions because the puppet doesn't know. So that is— there are 3 things in the character of the puppet. He doesn't judge. He doesn't know. So he has to ask questions. And the third one is he doesn't offer solutions. So it's not an, an, an I know it all, uh, and it's not— he doesn't want to solve things.
He only wants to hear from the child what's going on and, and, and, and, and, and, and what is your next step, what are your plans now.
So we are creating some kind of a, um, uh, we want to think together, we want to work, uh, together, and we want to give the child the feeling 'we did this together' or 'you came up with a solution yourself.' Yeah, it's like a partnership then between the puppet and the child. Yeah, and that same partnership is between her and me. That's also when I talk about my courses, when I talk about relational puppetry, I always say you have to become a team with your puppet.
Yeah, we are, we are, we are one together.
She, she, um, she makes me stronger and I am nothing without her.
Okay, so how many puppets do you have?
Yeah, she has a lot, but she mostly, uh, she mostly plays with me. Yeah, I am a special one.
Very cool. So I'm gonna let one of you answer this question: any words of advice that you would give to a parent who has gone through divorce and who is— who wants to help their child deal with their emotions in a healthy way?
What we should do?
Yeah, what would you recommend?
Yeah, if you, if you really have the feeling that you can't get through your child, then I definitely would try something with a puppet. And that doesn't have to be a puppet like this right away. You can just go to your sock drawer and find a sock and, yeah, try if this opens up something and if that makes communicating with your child more playful because in a lot of cases your child needs to have the feeling that it can be, it's completely okay whatever he says. So I really would try to create a third party in the conversation and create a safe third.
Yeah, and a puppet can be, it can be like that, but you can do that with a sock. We are starting, we have started with a sock.
You've graduated since.
Yeah, I'm upgraded.
Yeah, big upgrade.
Yeah, yeah, but I didn't start with a puppet like this. Uh, I, uh, I really enjoy this puppet, this kind of puppets, but I just started with a puppet show puppet, something I made myself, and after that sock puppets. And if you ask me now what is the best puppet to start with, yeah, then I always say use sock puppet because it is an easy and cheap way to get started with a puppet. And if you want to get started, if I am inspiring you, then I invite you, I warmly invite you to my YouTube channel and to my mini course. I have a free mini course just to take some knowledge to you and to get started, to try something, to try something out, because it isn't rocket science. You don't need to have Hollywood qualities to connect.
It's just about creating a connection, and children don't expect you to be perfect. No, they just want a friend.
Yeah, and what I see a lot in practice is that a lot of people are struggling with, I have to do it right, or I have to have that technique first. And I know from experience that that isn't true. A child wants a friend and we all can provide a child a friend and all the skills that are helpful to learn, uh, to get more out of that conversation and to get more out of that connection and to help your child more in learning the things you want him to learn That are all skills that are not about playing technique.
They are all about communication. Yeah, and we can teach you that. Yeah, yeah, you can be like me.
Yeah, presence, focus, attention, and in a lot of cases to slow down. We have the tendency to to want so many things and to hurry a lot of things. And for a lot of children, it helps when things are slowing down.
Yeah, more words, more things to focus on, more things to, to, to, uh, to see and to look at.
So we have, um, we have a communication style, we call it the Babel style.
Yeah, or the chitchat method. And that's what I do. I am always babbling. Yeah, it's always— I'm always babbling. And if a child doesn't respond, I babble, I babble, I babble. And there comes a point that the child answers because I do— I keep babbling and I don't give the other the feeling that they have to respond. And because I don't give them the feeling, they respond.
That's how it works. And that is something that I had to discover. If I try to script things and if I try to, if I try to put too many pressure on what is happening, then it doesn't work.
But if we are babbling and if I keep babbling and if I ask questions now and then and if I ask, do you like that too, then there is a conversation, then the conversation starts and that makes me safe. So this way of communicating, that is the main focus of all our programs. It's all about, yeah, how can you lower the thresholds for children and how can you do that with all the topics you want to discuss.
Absolutely amazing. I am just always in awe of, of what you do and, and how you do it. So Helen, Janie, thank you so much for coming today and sharing your story and your— just the beauty of the work that you do with, with children and with teaching parents and educators how to really connect better with children.
It's such a simple given. Every time that again touches me that it is such a simple given. It's just about a puppet that wants to be friends with a child. So that is the whole idea. And from that friendship, everything else is growing and glowing and So, but the main idea is let a puppet be a friend of a child and then the magic happens.
Yeah, very cool. Helen, thank you so much. Heroines, we are going to put Helen's information in the comments below the interview. So if you want to reach out to learn more, ask questions, whatever the case may be, feel free. To reach out to Helen. I know she'll be more than happy to answer any questions, and maybe Yanni will also throw her two cents in there. So Helen, Yanni, thank you so much for being here with us. Hi, everyone. I wish you a great afternoon, and we will talk to you again very soon. Thanks, everyone.
Bye. Bye.
Bye.
