How Visualization & Curiosity Can Transform Your Life After Trauma

Hello, heroines! Happy Monday! Welcome back to another new week. And as you know, the idea for this interview series is to really bring you different resources, different information, and for women to also share their stories of divorce and heartbreak so that hopefully you can also glean some tidbits, some hacks, or some information that can help you on your Your journey. And today I have the lovely Kat Mitchell here joining us. How are you, Kat?

I am good, and thank you so much, Alex, for inviting me here.

Oh, my pleasure. My pleasure. So, you know what, let's just get started with kind of the basics of who's Kat.

Ooh, who's Kat? Uh, Kat is, um, a coach, an explorer, uh, an adventurer of sort. And always diving into the learning as one that is always looking for ways to continue my own healing path, my own learning journey, my own, um, advanced experiences of what life has offered and how to helped me, and then in the process also have learned how to help other women on some of the same similar journeys, not the same as, but similar journeys that I have experienced. And, uh, yeah, as you probably know, you know, so often we think, oh, I'm the only one going through this. And in reality, no, so many of us or an experience, some of the same challenges.

And you know, that's one of the reasons why I do this, is because I want women to be able to recognize themselves and to see that they're not alone. And if we've not just survived but really are now thriving after these experiences, then so can they. So you talked about helping women through your own experience. So how do you do that?

So I do that in a few different ways. One, I am a coach with a lot of life experiences to back up, you know, the, the understanding and the compassion and the empathy that so often I bring to women, just helping them understand they are not alone. They are not the only ones experiencing what they experience, even if they may be experiencing a little different. It's really understanding our differences and honoring our uniqueness in the process. And so it's through the coaching and really diving deep into our mindset because I'm very— I do a lot of studies on the conscious is very— the conscious awareness as well as the unconscious, mostly unconscious unawareness until it bubbles up to the top. And a lot of that came from my journeys as a caregiver. For my brother who had a stroke, my mom with dementia, and really understanding how do I experience the mind that is deteriorate— deteriorating, and also help my brother rebuild neural pathways. And so it was a lot of studying through doctors and having them teach me about what the mind is capable of in rebuilding those neural pathways, in taking dead space in the mind and shifting, you know, our mindset into diff— in different ways. And then diving deep into neuroscience to experience those different, those different neural pathways. And what is possible, um, on that journey. And then diving into the coaching and understanding that our mind, so often we think consciously, we do consciously, you know, we're on this conscious path until, you know, we start experiencing these thoughts and these ruminations and these belief systems that we don't know where they came from. That are unconscious or that start to come to life and bubble up. And so it's through coaching, it's through hypnotherapy. Um, occasionally my Reiki comes in there also. Um, so I have a lot of tools that I've learned based on experiences that I've had and then based on experiences that my clients have had. And I know that was a long-winded answer.

Oh, it's all good. All good. I want to go back to what you said about conscious versus unconscious. I always like to think of it as intentional. Do you see those two things as the same, or are they different for you?

So I do in the sense that I talk a lot about goals and motivation in some of my workshops, and our conscious mind is our intention-setting, goal-setting mind, um, and the unconscious is the belief system on whether we are able to achieve that intention, achieve that goal, and whether we actually believe the possibility of moving forward towards that intention and goal. So in that way is where I see the connection of intentionality and the conscious mind.

Okay, that makes, that makes sense. So you talked about ruminations. I know that before I went through my divorce, the— this is what initiated my relationship or my degrading relationship with sleep. Was waking up at 2 o'clock in the morning, right? And then 5 o'clock rolls around and it's like time to go to work. And I'm like, but I, but I haven't slept all the hours that I needed to sleep. So for somebody who might get stuck in those mind loops is what I call them. How, what helps with that? How does one kind of either turn them off or turn the volume down so that we actually can either sleep or we can function just in general.

When we're getting those thoughts, those continuous thoughts, then it's that it's really the desire to be consciously aware. And then deciding at that point and choosing, which is a lot of times the biggest challenge for a lot of women is, do I really have a choice? And can I give myself permission to move forward with that choice? So permission and choice are two words that can be a struggle, and it's really choosing what our next step is, choosing who we can talk to, To, you know, even, um, brainstorm on what those thoughts are telling us and allowing for that awareness without judgment. Because a lot of times the rumination is because we're judging our thoughts. It's like, oh, I can't believe I'm having that thought. And oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm that type of person. And I can't believe I'm doing that. And I can't believe that's who I am. And that's great. And it's, let's take it a step further and stop judging us because that's when we get all that anxiety and we start building it up. And, you know, you and I were talking about before this, you know, the body keeps the score and we start really impacting our body when we're shoving all that down, trying to move forward without the ability to release it, without the ability to move forward, give ourselves that permission, and heal from those, those painful belief systems and thoughts that we're experiencing.

So I love how you use the word choice because I, like you, believe we have a choice, consciously or unconsciously, right? We can consciously choose, or our limiting beliefs or whatever that belief system takes over and then chooses for for us, right?

Right.

So how can one increase the chances of making those choices consciously versus just kind of letting life take us where it wants to take us?

We, we have to really— we have to step on the brake and we have to hit pause. And we have to take that moment to believe in the possibility, even if we can't see what's over the mountain. And so often it's that hitting of the pause, because if we don't hit it, that's when we hit the brick wall instead. You know, and when we hit the brick wall at that point, it's like we don't know if it's too late or if it changes the decisions at that point that we need to make versus the, the choices we get to make. So it's really You know, really sitting in, I hate to say meditation and mindfulness because so many people are like, oh, I can't meditate and I can't be mindful because then those thoughts are in my head. It's like, yes. And we wanna be grateful for those thoughts. Our brains are working, they are thinking, and it's having gratitude for the thoughts. It's being grateful that You know, we can think that we have that ability. And now how can we allow for that and sit in that non-judgment space and say, okay, what do I wanna do with those thoughts? And you know, if I don't have time for 'em, all right, let me find that calm and give them You know, space to release, space to, you know, let go. And, you know, I've done meditations in the past where I'm like, all right, let's just pile all your thoughts into a little red balloon. We're gonna, you know, because the red for our root chakra, it's like, let's pile them into the red balloon and we're gonna send it off. We're gonna send it into the clouds and we're gonna let it just drift off. So put all your thoughts in there, find that peace, and let's, let's just drift it off. You know, if we don't wanna deal with it right now, so we can focus on maybe one thought right now that is most important and find that peace.

So going back to what you said, you know, about, you know, people think meditation and mindfulness, and then there's like all this awkward stuff around it. How do you feel about approaching those moments from a place of, instead of mindfulness, more from a place of curiosity? How does that land for you?

Oh, I love curiosity. Curiosity is powerful, um, when we allow ourselves that space of being curious, that space, and that, that again opens that door for possibility instead of, you know, closing that door of it's, that can't be possible, there's no way. It's like, let's look at other perspectives. Let's really shift our mind into believing in, even if we don't know the how. And, um, one of my mentors, you know, she's always saying, get out of the how hole. It's like, let's, let's not go down that. Let's, let's, you know, really start imagining, you know, what's possible. And, um, That makes me think that, uh, something we often, you know, something I've seen are people that say, well, I have a hard time imagining. Well, no, we really do a lot of imagining on the negative path. When we're in fear, we have that, you know, we're imagining what's going to happen to us if we take that next step. So let's, let's go into the the positive imagination of what's possible and really shift our focus in our imagination. Um, and I know I took a detour there because you say things, it's like, oh, let me, let me—

it's— and it's totally okay because as you were saying, some people say, I don't have a good imagination. I'm one of those people until I stop and I think Well, I can imagine freaking awesome worst-case scenarios that are never in my lifetime or any lifetime likely to happen, or likely to happen, right? So it's redirecting the mind towards the positive. So if somebody is like me who like has a really vivid imagination when it comes to how things could go sideways. How do you redirect that into that positive, empowering, inspiring visualization that actually opens doors to possibilities and to solutions and to other things like that?

Sometimes, and each person is going to be different. So for me, because I've had those, you know, and I still do, I'm human. We're all human. We do it. For me, journaling is the easiest way because when I see the words on paper, the negativity on paper, then I'm able to rewrite the story. It's like I can take the negative and then I can rewrite it as a positive. And then when I'm reading through the positive, Then I can create a different picture in my mind to really start, you know, imagining or visualizing. For some, because journaling is not something that resonates with them, it's talking into a voice recorder of some sort, you know, and everybody, most people have it on their phone. They can talk into something and then they can listen to it. And when they listen to themselves speak it, then they're like, oh, I gotta think of other ways to speak differently to myself. And what are the words that I want to say to myself? What are those words of kindness and compassion that can help create a new picture image in my mind? And a lot of times as coaches, that's where we can help really work on designing that new image, that new vision, that new picture of possibility to redirect their focus. Um, and, you know, so And then, you know, some people, um, some of them I've had clients that are strictly in pictures. So it's strictly, you know, they create pictures on paper, some, some form of art. Um, and it may not even be in picture or on paper, but it's some form of art, artful image. That they connect to that allows them to see, you know, negative versus positive images or even a visual aspect of what's possible. So it's really tapping into all the different pathways that people might experience that negative image versus the, the image of possibility. And, you know, really allowing our clients to speak to, or people that we are surrounded by, allowing them to speak to what works for them and hearing what they are saying so we can, you know, really help build that pathway or that bridge to where they want to go. Um, so yeah, it's, it's— there's no one path, you know, which I think speaks loudly to curiosity. We always have to be curious as to where people are coming from when we're talking to them, when we're working with them, when we're, when we are connecting with them in any way. Because lives are, you know, the world is wonky right now. So it's really allowing that space for possibility.

So do you feel that there's— is there a relation between our ability to visualize and having clarity about what want.

Absolutely. Um, and I think so. Um, and visualization can be challenging without clarity because we, we're not really sure what that picture is that we're trying to develop in our mind. And it's also understanding that sometimes some people, I have clients that can't see images, but they can visualize the emotional connection. So even though there's not a visual picture, you know, of what's possible, there's not that, that grand landscape of visualization, um, it's really, you know, the most important part, I, I believe, of visualization is how do we connect to it from our heart space? How do we, how can we feel what we want to visualize? And You know, so it's that emotional connection, and then it's really the ability of, you know, believing and putting ourself into that, that picture or that, you know, that experience, you know, and really bringing in and building that bridge of visualization from the heart space. And connecting to it.

So if I hear you right, it's instead of— for some people who might have a difficult time visualizing, it's instead of trying to see the images, starting with how do you want to feel? And then once you know how you want to feel, then you can start opening that up to, well, what could that look like? Who would I have to be? How would I have to behave, etc., etc.? To then start to see a bigger picture. Would that be fair?

And I think it still depends on the person. Some people can't really, you know, I've met people that say they can't see the images, um, can't visualize a picture, so to speak, but connecting it, connecting to it, you know, having that emotional connection, maybe they can you know, pen to paper, they can at least, you know, write the words that associate to a picture, or, you know, find another way to create that image, even if it's not actually a picture in their mind.

Gotcha. Okay, that makes sense. Okay, so you and I were chitchatting before we got online and, um, You shared that you've also experienced divorce in your life and heartbreak. Going back to your divorce story, what were some of the key lessons that you learned from going through that experience that you would be willing to share with the heroines?

Ooh, that was One that was 30+ years ago, and I at that time did not even— I knew that I was feeling emotionally beaten up. I was not physically abused, but I was emotionally beaten up, and it took every my computer, you know, it took every ounce of everything I had inside of me to even get out of bed every day and figure out what, what I wanted my day to look like. And it was finally to a point where in my case, I had a nervous breakdown that, you know, where I, I was just, you know, could not even see straight. And I decided in that moment, in a crazy moment, because I was living in Texas at the time and I was from California, which is where I am now, and I just packed up my truck and left and drove back to California and said, I'm just gonna start over. I have no idea what I'm doing. It wasn't until years later that I— there's two, two parts to this. Years later when I realized that emotional abuse was still trauma, it took me years to figure that out. Um, because I never made that tie-in until I started really doing my own personal development work. And soon after I came back to California, I could not figure out why my body was literally shutting down. It was because of 5 years of emotional abuse that I was just piling in, trying to, you know, hold it together. It was like I was duct taping my body. Just so I could keep moving forward in hopes of not collapsing. But I didn't know it at the time. And it wasn't until I came back and then I just kept going to doctor after doctor after doctor going, something's wrong. I can't figure it out. And you know, then it was like pain med, pain med, pain med, pain med. And I'm like, no, this can't be the answer. This isn't me. And it wasn't until they actually did the right tests and they looked inside and my spinal column was all tangled around my, um, around my vertebrae. And that's what was causing all the pain. So it wasn't until they went in and, you know, snipped everything and, you know, cut it all away and, you know, readjusted it. But in that time, it's like I had to sell my truck. It was a clutch. My left side was done. It wasn't working anymore. So I had to sell my truck. I had to make changes. I was walking on crutches just to stand up. You know, I went in in a wheelchair, but I was doing everything. It's like, I can't go into a wheelchair. I'm only 30-some years old. So I was doing everything. But what I would say is don't get to that point. It's, you know, coming back to choice and permission. I did not give myself permission to, you know, step away. It's like I went through all those voices of I must deserve it. This is, this is what my life is all about. This is what I'm supposed to just be doing. This is what marriage is. You know, I, you know, I wasn't surrounded by those perfect marriages or marriages that worked. I, I had seen, you know, I grew up in a, an environment where my parents always yelled at each other. They were always fighting. So All right, this is, this is what life is. Great. This is what marriage is. Fabulous. And it took me a long time for me to go, no, this is not what I want. This is not what I deserve. This is not who I want to be. And as scary as it is, I need to find a different path. Because this is not the life I want to live. And it's really, you know, I get chills just talking about it because it was like, it took every ounce of, I'm just gonna go, I'm gonna start over and I'm just gonna, it, you know, it's really going, I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. I could succeed, I could fail. And at that point, it, it didn't matter. It just had to be better than where I was.

Did you feel some excitement too?

Not for a long time.

Okay.

Um, it took a long— I felt like it took, um, because all the pain set in soon after. Um, so it took a long time. There was excitement after I had the surgery and then I was able to walk again. I think that's where all the excitement started. It's like, you know, when I walked out of the hospital, when I was able to start thinking about what was possible again, um, then it's like, oh, the door has opened. It's like, all right, the, the world is finally saying, here I am, which direction do you want to go? You know, and then it's that scary excitement of like, oh crap, what am I getting myself into? What is my next step?

And, and that, but that's the beauty of finding your power again, in that you get to decide what that next step is. And you can do it based on how you feel, what you want, what your dreams are, and all of that, instead of trying to fit yourself into a mold, into a box, into something that has nothing to do with who you are.

And it's realizing that if we step onto this path, we choose this path, and then it's like, eh, that path really isn't working for me. Then we also have that, you know, ability to choose a different path. And even today, it's like, I went into technology. Now it's like, I don't even wanna do anything with technology because I love coaching. I love helping women. And somebody says tech and it's like, uh, Yeah, you go do the tag.

Yeah, I totally get it. And I love that you said, you know, if you make a choice and you don't like what you see, you can choose something else. And it reminds me of a conversation I have a woman in my life who's a mentor who is probably close to 90 now. And I remember years ago, and this is how much it kind of stuck with me. I was talking to her about having a difficulty making a decision about something for work, and she's like, why? Just make a decision. If you don't like how it turns out, you can always make a different decision. And it was like, it was just so simple. Yeah, right. It's one of those, like, it's so stupid simple. But it's not easy to do. It's not always easy to do because of all our mind loops and because of our upbringing, our beliefs, our, you know, all of those things. But I love that you brought that, you brought that element in.

Yeah. And so often part of that is because we're listening to the other people in our lives. It's like, oh, if I'm making a decision that I change my mind and I decide I want to go down this path or I want to go down this path, then there's this fear sometimes. Sometimes it's not in our mind. It's this fear of, ooh, I'm not pleasing that other person. I'm not doing what others might expect me to do. And it's really understanding that, you know, we have, we have one life to live. We have, you know, an opportunity to experiment, to explore, to decide on what fills our heart, what speaks to us, what, you know, where can we serve from this higher space of joy and gratitude and really feeling the, the blessings in our life. And a lot of times it takes many years of not making those choices before we go, oh, life is here to really experience and know that sometimes we may fall. And it's like, all right, now I gotta stand up, brush myself off, and go, okay, that path didn't work so well for me. It's like, and those people behind us may, or chances are they're looking at us going, well, look what she did. She made that choice and look how happy she is now and how much fun she's having. Maybe I need to think about, you know, making a different choice. Maybe there's, you know, open doors for me because now I am seeing what's possible by watching this other person. You know, and that's probably what we get in our head is like, oh, this other person's not gonna like it. And in reality, those people that are following us are, we are leading them and we may not realize that we are leading them into possibility by our own steps, by our own journey, by our own choices.

And going back to what you said about other people's opinion, right? One of the things that I try to live by is it's my life and my opinion is the only one that matters.

Yeah.

And that has served me quite well, especially as I get older and I start to care less and less what other people think.

Mm-hmm.

Because there's a part of it is that too.

But absolutely.

All right, Kat, thank you so much for for being here and for sharing your wisdom.

Thank you, it has been a pleasure. It's been so much fun, Alex.