Marathon Mindset | Carla Rose on Grace, Growth, and Running Through Life Challenges

Hello, heroines! Welcome back after a hiatus. I was traveling, but I am happy to be back here with you. And today I bring you the lovely, the one and only Carla Rose. Carla, how are you?

Good, good. So good to see you.

You too. So Carla and I have known each other for, oh, I don't know what, 10 years?

A long time.

Something, something like that. And, um, I wanted to bring her in because, um, I admire what she's done, what she's, um, really the, the person that she is and how she shows up for herself. So Carla, I'm just gonna start with, you know, tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do.

So who am I? Wow, that's a great question. You know, anything you put after I am is is definitely a very important telling and knowing, and it's absolutely true. And so I am a psychotherapist. I have been doing this for 26 years. I'm also a substitute teacher in the New York City public school system from preschool to 12th grade. I am a marathon runner. I am a mother to twin sons who are 22 years old. I am a lover of all things nature. I'm sitting in nature and I love taking photographs of flowers and things. And I actually, I am a giver and a server, and I really do love helping others. And my purpose in life, I've always said, is to shine my light so that others can find theirs and shine theirs brightly. And that makes me very happy.

Yeah. And I, knowing you, I mean, you and I know each other from the Tony Robbins community. So I know that that's, you know, you absolutely walk the talk. So how did, how did you get started with Tony? I mean, what, what brought you to, to the community?

Yeah. So Tony Robbins was, uh, an entity in my life. Many, many, many years ago, and long before I ever entered an event in 2008. And ironically, my uncle who's passed, he actually gave me the cassette tapes of, you know, Unleash the Power Within, which were, I think there were 20 cassettes. And I used to watch Tony talk at 2 o'clock in the morning and motivational speech. And I went to see Brian Tracy and Zig Ziglar back in the day. And, you know, in person. And it was, it was always refreshing to listen to this, but never in a million years would I believe that I not only took some classes, but I became a trainer in the Tony Robbins world. And so I signed up for Unleash the Power Within in person in 2008. I went all the way to Florida because at the time I was in a relationship and my sons were about 5 years old. And I really felt like I needed to get out of my environment and go somewhere where I didn't know anybody. And of course I run into people from New York and New Jersey and, you know, it was kind of funny. Um, but that the rest is history. I mean, that was like my, my life was all about learning and growing and building. I mean, I have a degree in psychology. I also have a master's in business and a master's in social work and a licensed practice. And throughout my life, I've always been trying to learn more, to do better, and to serve more. So that's how I came to the Tony world. I'm still involved. I still participate as a trainer now.

So was there something specific going on at the time that attracted you to the Tony Robbins community, or was it just like, like you said, this lifelong curiosity?

It's an interesting question. So at the time, I mean, I, I think I'm just always searching for growth and knowledge and I'm always reading and learning and growing. And so at that time I was in a relationship that was not doing well and, you know, I was the mother of twins and, and it was interesting cuz I was really like a single parent even though I was in a relationship. And so I went to the Tony. Event because I really just wanted to get away and I wanted to hear what this is all about. You know, there was a lot of information about Unleash the Power Within. What does that mean? And, you know, and then when I got to the event, I realized that I had found my people, you know. So it was kind of like, um, they're talking my language, you know. And then I just kept signing up and I kept meeting people, and then some of my closest, dearest friends who I consider family, you know, are from the Tony Robbins world.

So how different do you feel like your life would be today if you hadn't had this curiosity and you hadn't really integrated the, the Robbins community as such a big part of your life?

You know, I, I think my life would be similar. I don't know that I would've become a marathon runner, but I definitely have, you know, all I've always lived my life with the goal of learning, growing, and a lot of the stuff that I read was more about psychology, achievement, things like that. So I don't, I don't believe that I would have found running. And I've become a marathon runner in the last 6 years, and it was from that environment. So somebody actually stood up and posed a challenge and, and I didn't join it right away, but when I did, I, I now I'm all in.

So yeah, I mean, you and I were chit-chatting before and you kind of gave me the lowdown on the story about marathon running. So if you think about life and marathon running, I'm sure that there are ways that we can draw a lot of comparisons between the two. So what are some things that you've discovered through running marathons that have supported your growth or that have amplified your life in some way?

Yeah. So, you know, it's funny that you say that because a lot of times there's an expression, life is not a sprint, it's a marathon, right? And it really is. I mean, because it, what does it take to run a marathon? Well, it takes discipline. It takes, it doesn't take skill because you can learn how to run. The mechanics are, if you could walk, you could run. And actually, even people that have one leg or, you know, have prosthetic devices, what have you, can do it too. So it's a lot about mindset, you know. So what is life is how you decide, you know, what your beliefs are. And our beliefs don't always come from ourselves. So I think that when we find ourselves faced with a challenge, whether it be in life or in any other aspect, of what we're doing, you know, in relationships or things like that, we have to ask ourselves, what's our model? You know, what are we looking at? And then what kind of resources do we have and where are we focused? You know, where do we want to go? Right? Because energy does really go where your focus is. And so running a marathon, you have to train, you have to be properly hydrated, you have to have the right nutrition, the right sneakers, the right— but the most important thing is the will. You know, once you make that decision, then everything else shows up. So it's, you know, the why is there, the desire, then the how will show up. And in life, it's the same way. True.

True. So as a non-runner, I think the why question is really interesting because why would you want to run like that for so long? Like, what's, what's your motivation behind that?

Yeah, so it's not about the 26.2 miles back then anyway. So the why was to run for the challenge to raise $2,600. For a charity. So I'm all about service. And so it was a challenge to myself, and I had always been physically active my whole life. I mean, at this point, I actually was not in the right shape to run. So I started training and I lost weight and I really became, you know, a runner, a marathon runner. But so it's— it was more about the purpose of my running because I, my, at that time I was not a runner, but I went from couch to marathon from May of 2019 to November, which is the New York City Marathon. I completed it, one of the toughest marathons in the world cuz we have bridges and, you know, through the boroughs in 7 and 7 hours and 32 minutes. And now 6 years later, almost 6 years. I've done 18 marathons and my fastest is 6 hours and 5 minutes. So I become more efficient. I understand, you know, the mechanics. I actually train. I train in rain and snow. Doesn't matter. I have to go out and I have to train. And so if you apply that kind of why, then the how shows up.

Yeah, you gotta have the big— a big enough motivation behind it to take away the— all the reasons why not, right?

Yes.

So, right.

Yeah.

So I want to go back to what you said just before. You said our beliefs don't always come from ourselves. Tell, tell us more about that.

Yeah, so, you know, we're in the world not alone. I mean, some of us are fortunate enough to have families and We have extended families and we're like little sponges. You know, we take in— when we're in the womb, we take in messages from our environment. So when I say that our beliefs are formed by where we grow up in the world, you know, who we surround ourselves with. And then once we are old enough to emancipate from our families, we start to decide. We start to decide who we spend time with, what we go and focus on. And then we have to put that through the filter of the background that we brought with us. So our belief systems are created as we understand that we have a choice.

Okay. That makes— that makes sense because it's almost like it's— we inherit whatever the beliefs are that other people, society, family, everything else. And then we get to the point where, like you said, we decide, is this relevant for me? Is this something that I want to own? Mm-hmm. And then we can choose to either continue or not.

If we understand that we have choice.

True. So awareness comes first.

Yes. Awareness is always first. And then belief in your ability to choose. You know, so that's a difference between the animal kingdom and the human kingdom is that we have free choice, right? We have free will. So animals are instinctual. And I was, you know, it's funny, I was out here by the water. There's a lot of flowers and I noticed the bees and the butterflies pollinating the flowers. And if you watch them, you realize that's in their DNA. You know, they are born to be a pollinator. So you don't have to go over to a bee and say, here, there's a flower, right? But human beings, it's different. So we're born to be what? Anything. Infinite possibilities. And what happens? We get messages that, oh, you can't do that. Oh, don't do this. Don't talk to that person. Don't live here. Don't eat that. Don't, you know, and then at some point you either go along with that and you become a part of the herd or you actually stand up and say, wait a minute. It's like when I moved out of my parents' home when I was 18 and we used to always eat Ronzoni spaghetti. Silly, but I would go to the supermarket and I'd buy Ronzoni spaghetti. And then one day I saw De Ceccio. And I'm like, wow, that's from Italy. Let me try that. And then I never bought Ronzoni again. I mean, it's silly, but this is how it happens.

Yeah, no, it is. And it's all about the conditioning, right? So we're conditioning to believe certain things, to behave in certain ways. So how does one begin to dismantle that conditioning? Because Like I behaved a certain way in my marriage because I was conditioned by my environment to behave a certain way, right? Because that's what I saw around me. So I thought that was the right, the right thing. So how do you start to break those things down?

Well, it's like you said, you know, awareness, right? So the conditioning can either work for you or against you. And again, it's not all your choice. So if you're in a marriage, you had made a decision to be with someone because you felt you loved them, your values and goals and beliefs are aligned. And then you start to realize that that's not the case. It's very hard to undo that because it's not just the conditioning that you have. It's your parents, your ancestors. You know, there's a book, The Body Knows the Score. And it's about generational traumas that get passed down. And sometimes we're acting out of generational things that are coming to us. And like I said before, where we're, uh, by chance we're born in a different part of the world and our beliefs are not our own. They are the regional beliefs or, you know, cultural beliefs, spiritual beliefs. And so I really do think that what you said is so key. It's about the awareness and then conditioning. And then how do you undo that conditioning? Right? So it's, it takes practice and it takes focus and it takes dedication to learning. So what happens is you'll hear somebody say something that sort of resonates and you'll be like, hmm, never thought about that. You know, and then you'll go to a workshop or you'll join a group or you'll come on a webinar or whatever. And somebody will say something and it'll speak to you and you'll be like, I feel like that. I understand that. So you'll want more of that. And I think that's how it happens.

So it's almost like, or not almost like, but there's a difference in how you approach that, right? Because you can either approach something from a place of judgment. Where you immediately say good, bad, not for me, or for me. And you can approach it from, hmm, I wonder if that could work for me. Um, how much does that— because it's kind of like open-mindedness versus close-mindedness, right?

Yeah, I don't think it's a dichotomy. I think it's a fluidity, right? And I also do believe that sometimes we don't have the wherewithal due to the circumstances of our energy at the time to make those choices, right? So sometimes it takes an outside influence, you know, a friend, a family clergy, or just like I said, going to a program or something like that. And then you say, oh, that's interesting. But the open-mindedness is an interesting term. I think that usually it's out of either pain or pleasure. So it's really true what Tony says, that we do things for two reasons, either to get away from pain or go towards pleasure. So it's not, it's not so much I don't think about open-mindedness, it's about getting away from pain.

Got it. Yeah. And that makes sense. So when you ran your first marathon, were you running towards pleasure or were you running away from pain?

Well, it's an interesting question because, you know, I actually said a year ago, I just put this quote into the New York Road Runners website. They had asked people, you know, tell your story. And I said, you're not competing against anyone but yourself. And so they took a picture of me at a race and they put that quote and they made a life-size billboard of me and put it in front of membership at the New York City Marathon Expo, which people from all over the world came and saw. And I said, wow, that's amazing. And I realized that it's so true. Right? So I wasn't running away from pain or running towards pleasure because it was painful. Believe me, it was. There wasn't a whole lot of pleasure until the end when you finish. And then it wasn't until the next day when you recognize that you actually did it. So, you know, I've been trained through my profession and all the way through all the personal growth work that I've done because I've done many, not just Tony Robbins. And I've been trained to always use your mind to catapult you past the difficult parts. So like, I have a lot of mantras. And so my one mantra that really got me through was, I can, I will, I must, it's done. And while I was running, walking mostly, and, you know, suffering, I was saying that. And then I would sing Simply the Best by Tina Turner. Or unstoppable, or, you know, I could see the end because I knew where the finish line was. I also thought about the charity, all those people. I raised $3,000 that year, and since I've raised over $13,000 for this charity. And the reason why I keep running is because I really love the challenge, but it's also because a lot of people say one and done, like, why do you have to do it again? And the truth is it's not about one and done. It's because I enjoy it. And it's a challenge. There are marathons that I run that, and I've gone from 7.5 hours to 6 hours to a marathon. But there are marathons that I run, like I ran Fort Lauderdale this year and it was 85 degrees and I started to suffer. And so I walked for 12 miles and I still managed to complete it under 7 hours. So, you know, I'm really well trained now in this marathon business, but it's never an option to quit, ever, unless my health was at risk, because nothing is worth you putting yourself in jeopardy unless you're trying to save a family member, you know, and even then you have to preserve yourself.

So it's— I just find your story just so amazing because just the sheer determination to get yourself through the challenge, right? And to get yourself through being able to just say, "I did that," right? And I think that's so cool. That's so cool. And it's a lesson that you can take through life, right? Because there are times where I think we want to give up on things, and then we have to make a decision. Is this the right time, or do I keep pushing through to see things through to the other side?

Absolutely. I mean, there's always a moment of decision when things get tough. And then for me, it's always about I made a commitment and I'm going to see it through. And if for unforeseen circumstances, health or otherwise, if I can't, then I have to be kinder to myself and I have to realize that it's the right thing to stop. You know, so I think a lot of people get caught up in, well, I have to finish or I have to run or, you know, no, you know, the only thing we have to do is keep ourselves alive and have a, have a a mental health mindset that we're going towards the light always, you know, the positive energy in our world. But we also have to accept that there are going to be downtimes and they're going to be realistic moments in which we have to say, I have grace and I give myself the grace to say, not right now.

And I think that's tough for a lot of people because society says, you know, you got to push through and you got to push, push. It's always the push. Right? But there needs to be a counterbalance to the push, which is the rest and the, you know, coming back to ourselves. So I like that you talk about giving yourself grace and knowing that sometimes it's okay to just, to pull back.

Yeah, because it's, you're not quitting. You're just doing what's right for you and what's best for you. And you, and we all have to know when that moment is.

And nobody can tell us, right? Nobody's judgment, or nobody can say for sure. We're the only ones who know. Yeah, so, so you and I were also talking before about, um, you know, heartbreak and, you know, the stories in our past. So what was a lesson for you after your own story of heartbreak that you think is important for our heroines to to hear and to know?

Well, you know, I, I think it's more about, like, energetically where we find ourselves and that we know that the light is still inside of us and we can find it again. And when there's a heartbreak, we have to, like, ask ourselves, what could I have done differently to bring this to a different outcome? And if it was not your doing, you know, then maybe it was for for your betterment. You know, sometimes things happen and we think we're falling apart, but we're actually falling together. You know, we're falling into place. And I would never say that it's great to get divorced or, you know, to get hurt or to get whatever. But the truth is, is that sometimes the universe will do for us what we can't do for ourselves. You know?

Very true. Because somebody was asking me recently, you know, when did you really get to know who you were? And I said, probably not until I went through my divorce. And I was 40 when I went through my divorce. So I totally, I totally hear what you're saying. I think that things feel like they're falling apart, but there is good that comes on the heels of that if we're willing to look for that.

Well, it's like after every rain, there's a sunshine. Right? Yeah. So we just have to wait to find it, and we have to not push it to come. It comes when it's ready. You know, the sun rises, the sun sets, and we don't have to wonder, is it coming up tomorrow, right? So again, I think that we always have to have grace and gratitude, you know, because sometimes we think something's a tragedy, but it actually is not such a tragedy. You know, we have to look at it, we have to find the good in it and the lessons and the message, and then we always have to be growing. You know, we have to be falling forward, so to speak.

Oh, I like that. I like that. Cool. Uh, anything that we haven't touched on that you think is important for the group to know?

Um, No. I just think sometimes listening in silence, you know, just hearing your inner voice and also the outer voices and asking yourself what's real and what's not. And whatever you don't resonate with, just let it go. Yeah.

Yeah. Sometimes we, and I know I've done that. I think we all have at some point, like, holding on to things that aren't relevant or, you know, and things change. So yeah, we have to have that fluidity. So Carla, thank you so much for being here with us today. It's been a pleasure having you.