Alexandra Niel describes the disorienting period after divorce, when you're no longer a spouse but haven't yet found a new identity. She names three things that happen: identity suspension, a tangle of emotions like grief and relief at once, and the slow work of rebuilding who you want to be.
Hello, heroines, and happy Monday. Today I wanted to come talk to you about something that maybe isn't talked about so much, but definitely would have an impact if you're going through your divorce or just coming out of it. And that is the no man's land, really, that is— that comes after the divorce is final. Because there are 3 different things, I think, that are going on that I wanted to share, because maybe you'll recognize yourself in there. And maybe it'll help to find a way to navigate through it. And the first one is this idea of identity suspension, right? You are no longer a wife. You are still a mother if you have children, but you also haven't formed whatever that new identity is going to be after divorce. So it can feel like you're a bit lost. It can feel like you're a bit of in this kind of no man's land, and there's a lot of uncertainty there. So one of the things that you should aim for, and that I would recommend, is to really look for ways to find certainty in that uncertainty. The second thing that is likely to happen is that you're going to have some type of emotional disorientation, right? So things around you are going to feel very different. You're in new territory, something that you might not have experienced for a while, and there's a lot of stuff there. There's grief, there might be some relief, um, there might be fear, anger, hope— all of those emotions. Everything kind of comes together, and it can make it difficult to kind of find your footing. So it's important for you to look for different ways in which you can anchor into your days and you can anchor into your positive emotions. So that can give you a little bit of stability in the uncertainty. And the third thing is that as you're rebuilding, that means that this moment that you're in isn't— it's not wasted time, it's not a wasted space. It's really an opportunity for you to recenter, to get to know yourself again, to know what you love, to know who you are, or Better yet, who do you want to be moving forward after you've had this unfortunate experience? So I just wanted to share those 3 things with you. Let me know if that resonates, if you recognize yourself in one of those 3 things that I talked about, those 3 stages. So the rebuilding phase, the emotional disorientation, as well as this idea of identity suspension. Let me know what you're thinking. I wish you a happy Monday. And we'll talk soon. Take care. Bye.
