In this personal narrative, the speaker recounts how differing financial philosophies with her ex‑husband left her with substantial joint credit‑card debt and alimony obligations after their divorce. She explains the steps she took to regain stability: preserving her 401(k) contributions, aggressively paying down credit‑card balances by doubling minimum payments, and establishing a realistic, must‑have‑focused budget covering rent, car payment, alimony, utilities, food, and health expenses. Reflecting on the experience, she regrets not having educated herself earlier about personal finance and not consulting a financial planner. She urges especially women emerging from divorce to prioritize financial education—through courses, books, and professional advisors—to build confidence, make informed decisions, and move forward empowered.
Chapters
I've always been pretty good at managing my money, and when I got divorced, I ended up with the short end of the stick because my husband and my philosophy on finances were completely different. It wasn't anything that we ever really talked about at the beginning of the relationship when we were still dating because he was making his money and I was making my money. We agreed, okay, let's see who pays what, and and then like that it's equitable for everyone. But when I came out of the divorce, because his philosophy was so drastically different from mine, I ended up in a bit of a pickle. So I grew up believing that you make do with what you have. We didn't really have this concept of credit cards as much in France, and certainly not in my family. So I was good at budgeting, I was good at saving, so I didn't really have any debt except for a car payment because it was just such a big-ticket item. I just couldn't pay for it outright. His philosophy was very different. He leased a car every 2 years. I drove mine into the ground. He relied on credit cards, which I had never done. And when he started building his business, we used our collective credit cards. We used a home equity line of credit, which was even more foreign to me than than, than anything else. And when we got divorced, because a lot of the credit card debt was in my name, I ended up getting saddled with it. So I needed to find a way to really get back on my feet really quickly, especially because not only did I get the credit card debt, but I also had to pay him alimony. So the first thing that I knew I wanted to do was to make sure that I wasn't going to touch the contribution that I made to my 401 because I was thinking more long-term and I was like, this is money that I don't see anyways, so I don't want to touch that. The second thing I did was to pay off the credit card. It was so much credit card debt, at least it felt to me like it was so much credit card debt that I wanted to get rid of that as soon as possible. So I doubled the minimum payment every month until a couple of years later, I was finally able to completely get rid of the debt. And then I set a budget, a realistic budget for myself. And I looked first at what were my must-haves. That was rent, car payment, alimony, utilities, food, my health, and a couple of other things that really were my must-haves. Everything else was going to play second fiddle because it was important for me to get back on solid financial footing. And then there were things that I wish I had done, like I wish I had educated myself on personal finance and investing. It was something that I felt so unsure about that I preferred playing ostrich and ignoring it, doing things that I had already been doing but not really branching out and educating myself and learning more about what does it take to invest because I have since learned that even a little bit you can make a lot of gains and you can play without really taking too much of a financial risk. And the other thing that I wish I had done was really talk to a financial advisor and a financial planner, somebody that could direct me, somebody I could have a conversation with that could educate me in addition to the other things that I could have been learning that would have helped me to really kind of move things a little bit more quickly. So the one thing I would encourage anyone to do, but especially women coming out of a divorce, is get yourself on solid financial footing by first learning more about personal finance, budgeting, investing, because the more you learn, the more confident you're going to be, and the more you're going to be able to have intelligent conversations with— if you choose to have a financial planner or financial advisor, the person that's going to be helping you and supporting you. So the one piece of advice I can give you based on my personal experience is learn about what it takes to be financially solid, whether you take courses, you read books, you connect with people who teach about finances. You can't do it soon enough. And the sooner you do it, the sooner you're going to feel that confidence and the sooner you're going to be able to move forward in an empowering way.
