Rediscovering Your Identity: Who Are You Beyond 'Wife' or 'Mother'

When I left my husband, my life had become so intertwined with him that I didn't know where he ended and where I began. While married, we did a lot of the things that he wanted to do, went to the restaurants he wanted to go to, and we seldom ventured far from home because he had some health challenges. So as someone who traveled the world growing up, I felt like I was boxed in. I felt like I wasn't expanding. I thought I needed to conform and follow what he wanted, and little by little, I could feel myself slowly dying inside. I I lost me and I became the wife. I took on that role but was over the top about it. If your journey is similar, I'm happy to tell you that you can rediscover and unearth yourself, and not the self of then, but the self of today and what you want moving forward. You can put into play. So how do you know you might have lost your own identity? One is very easy: you don't know what you want. Two is you might have lost sight of the things that make you happy and that help you to thrive. And the third one is that your self your team has taken a dive. So where do you go from here? Well, I'm going to help you get there. I'm going to invite you to journal on these 5 different things. And the first one is this: think back to your younger years before you were married, when you were still in school. What were the things that really made you come alive? What were the things that truly made you happy? When you think about these today, do you get the same reaction? If so, that might be something that you want to reintegrate into your life moving forward. Number 2 is think about who you were before you got married. What were your core values and beliefs? Did you maybe set some of those aside because that's what you felt you needed to do in order to have a happy marriage? Go back and think about those things. Bring those things back to the forefront, those values and those beliefs that made you who you are. Number 3, think about the things that you see maybe other people do, like on TV, and you think, oh my God, that looks like fun. I think I'd like to try that. And start making a list of the things that you're you're willing to explore and the things that you're willing to give a shot to that you hadn't maybe not considered before, because those are the things that are going to help you to come alive. Whether or not you decide to keep them once you've had the experience, that's an entirely different matter, but get yourself a little bit out of your comfort zone to try things that are going to help you to come back to life. Number 4: did you maybe play an instrument when you were younger? Did you play the violin, the piano, guitar, drums, and you haven't revisited that in a while, but you know that when you did those things, you were focused, you were in the zone, you were happy about being in that moment. What are some of those things that you can bring back that are going to help you to get into that focused mode again so that you can forget about the world a little bit and just be present, be in the moment, and be happy doing what you're doing? And the last one is set some new goals. You're going to be on your own, or you're already on your own. What do you want to accomplish from a career perspective, from a life perspective, hobbies, friends, friends, health, whatever that is. Redefine what your goals are so you have something to strive towards as you rebuild your identity, as you rebuild yourself into the person that you want to be moving forward. Because you need to shine your light again, because shining that light is what is going to attract your forever love. It's not by playing small, it's not by not having goals that that's going to happen. You want to be the best of who you are, you want to show up as the best version of yourself, the unadulterated version, that kick-ass woman that is going to take on the challenges of her life. So think about what are some goals that you want to set in order to be able to strive moving forward. And then once you've established all that and you decided how you want to craft this identity of yours, it's time to embrace change. I remember my mentor saying, everybody wants something different, but nobody wants to change. And as difficult as it may be, change is exactly what you need because what's going to get you there into your forever love, into your future relationship, is not what actually got you here. What got you here got you divorced. So you need to do things in a different empowering and constructive way. And don't forget to celebrate your successes. When you find yourself consistently breaking those bad habits, take a moment and integrate that because that's what's going to put fuel in your tank to continue to grow and to continue to learn so that you can attract your forever love into and remember, it's an ongoing journey. There's always something new to learn. As long as we continue to make that 1% shift every day, that incremental change is going to be absolutely revolutionary. So that's it. That's a bit of a roadmap for you to start to rediscover your identity beyond wife or beyond mother. And once you know where you are and where you want to go, then it's just a question of doing the work, taking the steps one at a time to get you to your end goal. But remember this too, there's only progress, right? Progress is the path, progress is the journey. There is an end goal on something very specific that you want to achieve, but in terms of how you want to live your life, there's only improvement. There's always progress and there's only forward movement. So if you're in a place where you're trying to figure out, am I ready for this new journey? We can help you. We've got a quiz. Just go to tinyurl.com/re-discover-your-spark and begin your journey.