After her divorce, the speaker used affirmations to rebuild her identity by shifting how she thinks. She explains the thought-feeling-action loop: intentional thoughts create better feelings and outcomes than reacting to emotions. Mental habits are like ruts in a country lane that affirmations can smooth over, but only if you genuinely believe them.
When I came out of my divorce, I needed to find ways of figuring out who I was and what I wanted my life to look like. And as I journeyed down the personal development path, I found this magic called affirmations. And I love the idea of using affirmations because it was a subtle, gentle way of kind of reprogramming myself. And I like them so much that I actually created a couple for myself. I found some music and I think I did one around finance and one around my health where I wrote down a bunch of affirmations and I said them out loud in my phone with the music playing, and then I would replay them for myself. I found those to be pretty helpful in terms of how I was able to Shift my way of thinking. And when we talk about thoughts and feelings, we can either lead our life by starting with the feeling or starting with the thought. When we lead with the feeling, the feeling is something that is in a way not real. It's something, it's a response that the brain assigns a name to or a label to, and that causes us to take a certain action, which gives us a certain result, which then triggers a particular thought, good or bad. If we're in a good place, right, if we're feeling good on that day and we make a decision and we take some actions based on feeling good, I can buy that. But if we take action based on a day when we're feeling like crap and we feel like everything sucks, what kind of decisions and what kind of actions do you think you're going to take? Are they going to edify or build something positive, or is it likely that it's going to be something that keeps you playing small? But when we start with the thought, we basically say we start with the intention, and that intention feeds a particular feeling. It gives us a feeling of this is where I want to go, that triggers the action, which triggers the results. And it's going to be a more positive result than if we were to make a decision or take some actions based on not feeling good that day. I like to think about it in, in this way: our thoughts are kind of like a country lane, right? You go down a country lane, and if it's one that's been traveled on over and over again, chances are it's going to be pretty rough. And if you try to get out of there with your car, chances are it's gonna put you back into the lane that you're in. It's going to be difficult to get out of there without maybe damaging your car, or it might be a little while before you get to a spot where you can actually get out of the lane. When we start practicing affirmations, it's kind of like filling in those ruts. The more affirmations we practice and the more we do this, the more we fill in the grooves and the ruts that are in the road. So if we want to get out of a certain path to go in a different way that maybe is more positive, the lane isn't going to kick us back in. We're going to be able to move out of there a little bit more easily. But it's not just about repeating things to ourselves without believing in them. If we have a core belief that we're unattractive, telling ourselves that we're beautiful when we know deep down inside we don't believe it, we don't feel it, we don't act that way, we don't behave in a way that is supportive of that belief, nothing's going to change. For affirmations to work, we have to bring it in and believe in what we're saying to the core. Again, it's not about just going through the motions. It's about saying it, feeling it, giving ourselves the chance to embody that and to feel it in our whole body, because that is actually what is going to make the difference. Pretty much as we continue to repeat these things, they become a kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? Say it, believe it, own it, embody it, and pretty soon we become it. So that's really the power of affirmations. I wanted to share some affirmations with you that I believe could make a difference. So I'm going to ask you to just close your eyes real quick, and I'm just going to go through them. I deserve to be happy and fulfilled. Every day I grow more confident and at peace with myself. I let go of my past and embrace the possibilities ahead. I attract healthy, loving relationships into my life. I am proud of who I am becoming. Now, I like these so much, and I have others that I'm going to add to this, that I created an audio recording for you. All you need to do is click on the link and you'll be able to download them. Just remember, the thoughts that we focus on are ultimately our choice. So what thoughts are you holding on to that maybe are keeping you stuck? What behaviors does that lead to? And how does that affect your life in general? Divorce is hard enough as it is without putting our own sticks in our own wheels. I would encourage you to start using your thoughts to your advantage instead of using your thoughts to replay stories that don't serve you. And I just want to leave you with a quote today: Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts. Buddha. So be kind to yourself.
