Alexandra Niel explains why settling on less than you want damages you and those around you. Settling kills learning, innovation, and growth while modeling limited ambition to your kids. She argues small risks and stepping outside your comfort zone are how you reclaim passion.
Hey, I wanted to talk to you about the dangers of settling, because sometimes we find ourselves in situations where, you know what, we don't— either don't think we deserve more, or we feel it's too hard to go after what we really want, or maybe we're just stuck in this routine kind of thing and we kind of lose sight of what it is that we're really striving for. I know when I was in the corporate world, that's where I was. I was comfortable in my uncomfortableness, if that makes sense. It was easier to stay where I was, even though I wasn't comfortable, than to try to reach for something bigger because there was fear, because there were so many other things involved. And there is a cost to us settling, right? If we're stuck in a job, for example, that we're not passionate about We can get resentful, we stop having fun at work, we stop enjoying what we're doing. And research has shown that there are actually negative health— what is the word I'm looking for— connotations or health repercussions when we are not happy in our job or when we're not happy with where we are. So I just kind of wanted to share with you what are some things that happen when we settle. And the first thing is that we don't learn anything new. Innovation happens when we push the envelope, when we get into situations where we're not comfortable, when we start to challenge ourselves, we start to think about things in a different way, which means that we are experiencing new things, we're learning new things. So it may feel sometimes that it's mission impossible for us to keep our mindset open, but that's really what we need to do if you want to be in that continuous path of learning. The second thing that happens is when we're settling is we don't take risks. Um, we play it safe, we play small, we end up feeling unfulfilled because we don't take risks. And as humans, one of the things that drives us is that need for challenge, that need to overcome, that need to be able get beyond whatever situation it is that we're facing, because that's what helps us to flourish, and that's what helps us to continue to, to continue to grow. We explore, we learn, we experience new things, which does wonders, um, for discovering more about life, but discovering more about ourselves and kind of what we're made of. The third thing that happens when we settle is we don't follow our dreams. We don't want to, um, push the envelope, right? We maybe are in a situation where we are living the life that somebody else wants us to live, for example. And you know what, the pay may be really good, but when we don't continue to strive for that next level, and when you're in a position that you don't particularly enjoy, you're doing something you don't particularly enjoy, honestly, you don't want to reach for more. You don't want to you know, get to the next level, because that just brings a whole new host of, um, uncomfortableness. But when we can tap into and experience a career or have an experience that is exciting, that rejuvenates us, it excites us, it's really a way for us to also understand what it is that gets us excited. Because sometimes I think we lose, we lose sight of that, right? Um, then it's whatever— what are the other thing— sorry, the other thing that happens is that we don't push ourselves out of our comfort zone. We get complacent, and complacency breeds mediocrity. So we become kind of average. If we want to do like really cool things we have to put ourselves out there. We have to get out of our comfort zone because that's the only way that we know what we're, what we're capable of. So maybe it's about trying to do small things to get a little bit out of our comfort zone before we start to embark in big things, because it's kind of like a muscle that we have to, that we have to build. So really looking and exploring outside of our comfort zone, we can do that in a safe way that starts to get us used to the idea of, you know, kind of branching out. And the last thing that happens when we settle is that we don't show other people that they can follow their dreams. When we don't follow our dreams, it's almost like we give others permission to be average, to not follow their dreams, and to settle, you know. And I think that's especially so when we have children, something that we need to be careful of, because kids are always watching, right? How many videos have you seen on TikTok where you see a kid imitating what their parents are doing? And I think some people in general are role models or strive to be role models, and people watch what you're doing and they take their cues from you. They take— they learn from you. So when we we don't give ourselves permission to chase our dreams, other people don't see that it's possible to do that, and we all end up settling, and we all end up playing small, right? So that's what I wanted to share with you today. I hope that you found it helpful, and let me know what you thought in the comments.
