The Legacies We Leave: MJ Egas-Vallejo

Hello and welcome to The Legacies We Leave, conversations on fulfillment, joy, and purpose. Today I am so excited to have with us my friend MJ Vallejo, and MJ and I have known each other since 2015, somewhere around there, 2015, 2016. And, um, all I can say is she's a freaking rock star. She is originally from Ecuador, has lived in Switzerland for the past 3 decades. She is a colon cancer survivor, a polyglot, a self-described personal development addict. So I know exactly how she feels. And she not only has a diverse background, but she also holds multiple certifications. So she's a Certified High Performance Coach. She is an EQI 2.0 and an EQ360 Practitioner, and therefore an emotional intelligence Powerhouse, and she is also certified Hardiness Resilience Gauge practitioner. So welcome, MJ. I'm so excited to have you here.

Thank you, Alex. So great to be here, uh, speaking about such an incredible, uh, topic that changes your life.

Yep, that's it. It's all about taking charge, right? So let's get started and let's just jump right in. Uh, why don't you start by telling us a little bit about your entrepreneurial journey, how you transitioned from, um, your more traditional kind of career path to where you are now, and also what prompted you to make the change?

That's a great question. Um, I think it came out of a lot of, uh, I, I think you arrived to a certain age in your life where you already did everything that society told you to do, and you got everything what you were supposed to get, and then you are asking yourself, is this everything that there is to life?

So, and that's when you get the big fat no.

Yes. So that question just kept popping up, like, this is it? And I kind of felt a little bit cheated out of life. I was like, there's there's something I did wrong there. And besides that, I was, you know, experiencing a lot of pain, I guess. I was, uh, in an unhealthy relationship. I was doing a job that I— it didn't make me feel like I mattered. So in 2013, I just started this personal development journey. I did my first coaching program in 2013. Then actually we met in 2015. Where, uh, when I started following Brandon, so we met at this event, um, I wanted to get certified that year, but of course, um, that was difficult because my ex didn't really approve of me becoming an entrepreneur because he was a very risk-averse person. But then, you know, I said, well, you know, this is, uh, this is something for 2017. But the thing is, um, doing that deep dive in personal development and coaching, it had changed my life and I saw palpable change. So then I wanted to do, uh, the same for others, but I was having this, uh, problem in the relationship. So then what I started doing was, um, in 2016, I just started teaching. I just jumped into it, started sharing my journey and learnings in seminars because I loved public speaking. So that's what I started doing. And then, of course, very quickly enough, 2017 came. And then I realized, oh, I said that I was going to do this in 2017. And then of course, uh, you know how the universe sometimes kicks you. Yep. Uh, so I, I have gotten a few of those, uh, you know, first there's like a nudge on the shoulder, then it's like a slap, then it's like a kick in the ass. So that year it was the first year that they did only one certification rather than two. And I was like aiming from, you know, It's gonna be in November. But then, you know, uh, I realized because another friend, uh, that was living also in Switzerland told me, oh no, this year there's only one. So I realized, uh, I'm gonna miss my date with fate. So, so, you know that situation where it's impossible? I didn't have, uh, the vacation time. I didn't have the money. I didn't have the permission. Insert more excuses here. But when I saw my friend doing it, I, I said to myself, I got angry. And I said to myself, if it's possible for her, it's possible for me. So that's, you know, when you have somebody in your circle that is doing what you want. So this is good to have people, you know, on purpose that are doing the things you want. Because then they push you, they make you raise yourself to their level too. So when I saw her go for that, I was like, oh no, there's no way I'm staying behind. So that made me find, you know, because it's never about the resources, it's about being resourceful. So I got resourceful. Um, then I got their certification. Then of course, and, um, I had to quit to do it. And then, so my—

That's commitment right there.

To sum it up, because the question was, tell me about your entrepreneurial journey. It's been like a little bit of back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes you think like, oh, it's going to be like a straight line from here, from my decision to there. But the thing is, life puts you a lot of challenges. You know, it's not how you think it's going to be. So then, of course, I ended up getting— so I quit. Then in 2018, I got divorced. And then I had to basically compromise and go back 50% to my previous job. And then— no, in 2019. Sorry, 2019. I got separated, and I was doing it. Then of course 2020 comes and with a lockdown for me was an incredible time of exponential growth because yes, I was doing it, but there was still a part of me that was too focused on, do I know enough? Am I competent enough? Who am I to do this? But with the, with a global pandemic, I felt this huge responsibility of like, people need me to be a positive voice. And what I did, I was, I was just every evening online teaching something. And that got me a lot of clients because I was exposing myself. So that got me a lot of clients. And of course, then, um, I'm like, okay, now this time I go back, I quit again. But then, uh, life put me before another challenge, and I got diagnosed with colon cancer. And then it was like, oh no, I'm gonna lose everything I have built until now, because when you're a one-woman show as a solo entrepreneur, and if you're sick, what's gonna happen? So that brought to me incredible challenge and doubt, and, but There was a part of me that thought the universe is kind of testing me, as if the universe was asking me, show me that you really want it. Show me what you want, what you really, really want. It was that kind of, uh, that kind of thing. So I promised myself, and it was, it was crazy. I'm not, I'm not going to defend it. It was crazy because I was sick and I said, I am not going to lose my clients, because I had people that, that had started um, a couple of coaching programs. I had also like a monthly group, and I said, I'm not going to lose these people. I'm gonna keep only these ones. I'm gonna maintain— I didn't even know how— the, the monthly group. And I just tuned out everything else. I just said, this is going to be the only thing that's gonna get my attention, and I'm going to keep it. And I cut everything out. Of course, it helped me that it was a global pandemic, so I didn't miss out on too much going on. So, and then I just kept doing it. Then I'm still doing like 40% consulting on my past job. And now, of course, I have to be faced with another decision. Uh, so it's been like back and forth, back and forth. Uh, but there's no like straight line. So that's what I was trying to, um, to say.

So I just want to go back to what you said earlier about you quit so that you could attend the event and you could attend recertification. What was, what was going through your head at the time? Because that's a pretty bold move.

Most people wouldn't. I am glad that you asked me that because, uh, it was It was very funny what happened. When you have this desire inside of you, uh, sometimes it, it just gonna come out. So I kept thinking about it. I kept dreaming about it. I was obsessed about it. And then at this meeting, at this work meeting, uh, there was like some sort of, uh, you know, fight between some legal counsels. And then I was annoyed. And then I just, I was talking with myself, but it just, it came out loud. And I just said, I don't want to be here. I think I just said, I don't even want to be here. And then people, and then I realized, oh, I just said that out loud. And then, you know, that forced me to say, you know what, I'm quitting because I didn't have the vacation. So I'm like, you know what, I'm quitting. And then she said, oh, oh no, but you cannot because you don't have the vacation time. That was like a later, later meeting. I said, do whatever you need to do, penalize me in whatever you need way, but on that day I'm gonna be on a plane headed to the US to get that certification. So it was that kind of crazy. Of course, after that, after the bravado, uh, fall away, fell away, I just, I cried my eyes out. What am I doing? But it was kind of funny.

Oh my God. It, you know, it reminds me a little bit of my of my story where when I left on my last day and I walked into the living room the next day and I stood there with my hands on my hips going, now what do I do? Right? Because it's like in the moment you've got the adrenaline is going, you've got like you're excited and you can't wait to start, and then you find yourself and you're like, what did I just do? And how— where do I go from here? Because it's very different to be in a job where your agenda is driven by the business versus you taking on that responsibility of deciding how you want to run your days.

Yeah, sometimes all that you need is 10 seconds of insane, insane bravery for you to do something.

Yeah, yeah, it— but you know, I think, and I know I've talked about it with other people too, the universe knows what it's doing. It gives us exactly what we need when we need it.

Yeah.

And it pushes us exactly when we need to be pushed to do those things, right? And no matter what happens, it's the right decision. And we can always make a different decision.

Yeah, you can course correct.

Exactly. If we're, you know, if we see ourselves heading straight into the wall, we're going to turn the wheel, we're going to make a different decision, we're going to make a different choice. So it— nothing is final. We can always, like you said, course correct. So Going back to— because I get the feeling you were very much internally driven to make a difference. So tell us a little bit about what is your sense of purpose? How did you discover it? And how do you strive to fulfill it every day?

So of course, in, in all that personal development, I I kind of read a little bit about purpose, and then of course I, I understood that there are a few misconceptions about what purpose is and, and, you know, about finding it versus creating it. And, um, another thing, you know, that I learned, uh, and this you can relate because it was part of our certification, is that it's like we all want to contribute, but not all contribution is meaningful to us. So a lot of people, when they get asked this question, like, you know, tell me about your purpose, they think they have that pressure that they have to say something really big, like, I don't know, feed the kids in Africa or that kind of thing. And that sometimes confuses people. So I guess purpose is something that you continue to tweak. So for me, it just started with trying to change my own life, trying to improve my life. And then of course it was, it was further improved, I would say, with cancer because now, you know, so during my colon cancer journey, I lost my rectum. So I had this excision of total excision of the rectum. And of course, then my, my tushy was severely traumatized. And for the longest time, I couldn't sit. For a long time. So then, of course, if I already felt very strongly about not doing a job that didn't matter, that made me feel like I mattered, um, I, from that moment on, I swore to myself I will never sit this tushy on a chair that it already hurts to do unfulfilling work. So it started with something funny like that, but You know, it's, it's that old thing about, you know, mortality motivation. It's like, what else needs to happen? It's like, there was, I already got cancer. It's like, I know time's ticking. I know nothing is given. You know, sometimes we say, oh, one day I'm going to do that. It's like, that day is today because I don't know if I'm going to open the door and going to be run over by a car. So right now I just live like that.

So do you feel like this journey has enabled you to be more present?

Absolutely. Um, not only the entrepreneurial journey, but I mean, I think when you have like, um, a life, uh, threatening condition, you have to live in the present. You have to because you don't know what's happening. So it's profoundly liberating to live in the present because sometimes we get lost in our narrative where we start asking, what if that happened? And what if they don't like it? And what if I don't know enough? What if I don't have the confidence? What if, what if, what if, what if, what if? And then, of course, if I'm thinking that, I'm not going to move. I mean, who moves if you start thinking those thoughts? So what I started doing was, well, that's a problem for tomorrow and I don't live there. So it's like, what can I do today to move forward? I don't have to have it all figured out. I don't have to have the full alignment of planets. To, to move forward is just, just take one step. And that helped me not only in the business, but also in, in my life, in my relationship. Uh, just live, you know, be where you are.

Yeah. You know, you talk about what if, what if, what if. There's a French saying that goes, with if you can put Paris in a bottle. Because it's true. When— if this happens, or if that happens, or all of these things. If, if, if we spend so much time, or at least I know I used to spend so much time thinking about, well, if this happens, or if that happens, or when 99% of the time the stuff that we dream of never even comes to life.

Yeah, we, we're bad movie producers. We are. It's like most of the things that I have worried about in my life never happened.

It's true. In my life either. It's like we are trying to watch, to, uh, to write War and Peace, and we focus more on the war, and we very little talk about the peace part.

So, so now I just try to write a more interesting movie. It's like where, where I make it, where the underdog makes it, that, that sells more than the horror movie that sometimes we create in our head.

That's true. It's very true. So how has your understanding of legacy and purpose evolved over the course of your life? And how do you see it, or do you see it continuing to change moving forward?

I think the first time that I started thinking in terms of legacy, I was very young. And then my, my— I grew up with my grandparents and my grandfather was the most important person in my life. And he went through cancer and he was about to have an operation. And I saw he was having a lot of thoughts, of course, but there was something that made me write like, this is your legacy letter. And in that legacy letter, I just, I hypothesized that he was asking questions like, you know, similar to what we know that, you know, Brandon says, like, did I live? Did I love? Did I matter? And I just said, I think you're asking these kinds of questions, and let me tell you what you mean to the family. So I remember in that letter writing, you know, we gravitate around you because you have taught us. And for me specifically, you have taught us so many things. And, you know, I— you are the unit of measure, uh, that I use to measure good people and all of that, you know. And, and he was a person that, you know, challenged my character the most. So it was not easy growing up, but I, I had this like some sort of calling, like I, I'm supposed to be doing something. He has this expectation of me. Um, so I guess it started there. I, I knew I was supposed to do something and think in terms of legacy thinking. Uh, and then during this journey I realized it doesn't have to be something revolutionary, it just has to be something where I feel like I matter, that I can use my strengths and I can, you know, make that difference.

Was there a triggering event that got you started?

Uh, thinking about legacy or, uh, the entrepreneurial?

Because you were talking about, I feel like I'm here to make a difference and I want my life to matter. So that's in that context. Was there something specific that happened that kind of like, um, turned the lights on or?

I don't know if something specific happened. I just know that I started collecting quotes when I was an early teen. And of course that was like my first approach to personal development. And, you know, I used to like cut and paste, you know, actual paste on a notebook. And of course there was the thoughts of great philosophers, so I started getting like used to thinking in those terms. I was being influenced by, by these people. So I, I, I— sometimes when people ask me like, oh, you know, you, you think great thoughts, and I'm like, well, I'm just standing on the shoulders of all these thinkers that came before me. And I have molded my thinking based on that.

You know, I have to, I have to show you something. I've never shown anybody this, but because you mentioned what you do, I just want to show this to you because I think you will appreciate, um, because it seems like you and I have been on very similar journey. Wow.

Yeah, it was something like that, right?

So it's just, I haven't actually written in there in quite some time, but now that we're talking about it, I might have to go back and playing around again because it makes us feel good, right? When we write and we pair that up with the quotes and we start to paint a picture. We start to tell a story. And it makes, at least for me, it makes me feel good when—

And it was also connected to my grandfather because at that time, you know, before the internet, um, there was this, uh, well, still, uh, you, you can find it, the Reader's Digest.

Oh yeah.

And my grandfather loved that magazine. So of course he, he was very sad when he had to surrender it to me because he knew I was gonna make a lot of holes in it. Um, but it was like something we shared because he said, oh, I like that quote. And then he's like, okay, she's gonna cut holes in my magazine. So it was something we had, uh, going on.

Ah, that's awesome. It's a nice memory.

Yeah, it is good to have.

Good. So What's the biggest struggle you're comfortable with sharing? How did you get past it and how did you grow from, from the experience?

Um, I guess that would be like the biggest struggle. I mean, I can tell you, uh, in, in some ways cancer is easy, uh, because it's like a physical pain. Uh, I think overcoming who I am. Who I am to do this. Because, you know, when you want to be an entrepreneur, there's so much self-doubt and loneliness. And, um, once I heard Brendon Burchard say, um, every time you ask yourself, who am I? You have to remind yourself, I'm the one. And one of the things that I have learned in, you know, in this journey is that my ideal clients are just past versions of me. And only I can help them because I get it. I understand what they're going through and I don't need to have it all figured out. It's like, I'm allowed to be a hot mess. Um, I only need to be further along the road because sometimes you, you have this pretense like, oh, I have to have it all figured out to be able to help somebody else. And it's not like that. I just have to be able to shorten the gap. And if you think about it, I've been doing this 10 years. So I did the research, I put in all the, you know, the pain. And I mean, sometimes one of the, one of the selling points that I do with, uh, with my clients is, uh, for the programs that I sell at $10,000 is, would you much rather lose a decade of your life putting in the research, or would you much rather pay me $10,000 to help you shorten that gap? And of course, they're like, yeah, I don't want to. I don't have that kind of passion to go deep dive on that journey. So I have an interesting anecdote because there was a client that brought so much doubt because in the application this person had written that other people hadn't been able to help her. So I, of course, I immediately felt it. Well, well, well, who am I to pick up where everybody else failed? Um, but I was reminded from another client that, um, I had helped her with a similar problem and I was like, hey, wait, here, here I have an ex-client telling me that she solved this thing because of the work we did. And I'm doubting myself if I can help this other person. I don't even know who she had asked for help before. She could have said, you know, other 15 people failed at this, or maybe they were not me. So it was, you know, that who am I? Like, maybe I'm the one. And, uh, another thing that was really hard for me was something that happened recently, uh, totally messed me up because, uh, with the cancer journey, I asked myself, it's like, is there like an upgrade in my purpose? So then I wanted to also help people with that challenge. It's like, how do I help people going through cancer manage it better? And there are very few people doing this. So of course I started, uh, first, you know, helping people that I knew that were going through cancer. And then of course there was this person that had been following my journey that was working at the clinic that I was doing all the journey. So I started helping her. She even, you know, started also sharing her journey with a blog and everything, and then she died. A little bit, uh, uh, not, not too long ago. And of course I cried my eyes out and I was like, why have you chosen such a difficult purpose? What do you think, you know, who, who do you think you are trying to help people? It's like your clients are gonna die. And I went, you know, like through a, a dark, uh, night of the soul. And then I quickly, you know, realized it's like, it's not about them dying or not. It's about helping them to manage that difficult challenge better. It's not about the end result. It's not about them, you know, because nobody's is coming out of this life alive. And sometimes we think, oh, it's like, I haven't fixed that problem. How am I going to help that person fix that problem? It's not about that. It's about how do I empower them? How do I give them the tools so they can help themselves? So that kind of helped me. It's like, okay, well, if, you know, the universe gave me cancer and now I was able because I had the personal development and this certification that you mentioned earlier about the emotional intelligence is I went through those during that cancer journey because I knew it's like this could help me manage this better, you know, and resiliency also for that. So now that's like the part that was missing in my journey because sometimes there are a lot of people that if they don't know, they don't do what they know they should do, and that's when there's a lot of, um, doubt and you feel stupid. But behind every You know, self-sabotaging behavior, there's an unmet emotional need and there are beliefs. So if you find out that those beliefs and those unmet emotional needs is much easier, you know, it's, it's, it's working from the inside out versus outside in, which is sometimes we think we need strategies and we need people telling us what to do. And it's not that we don't know what to do. Most of the times we know what we should do. Is that sometimes we need somebody helping us dig, push. Yeah.

And sometimes we just need somebody to point us in the right direction. Somebody to share their stories so that we also realize that it is possible.

There's so much magic.

We get inspired by other people's stories. People were inspired by your, your journey and your story.

Yeah.

Cool.

And there's, there's so much magic that happens in conversation, you know, when you hold the space for somebody and ask sometimes the questions. I mean, I had one coach that asked me one question, got me out of that relationship where I struggled 10 years to get out of there. You know, I was like, one question. That's the power sometimes of a good question. I was, you know, I heard that question. I was like, I'm out. Thank you. That's funny.

But I was like, another moment too soon.

Another day.

Yeah, exactly. Cool. So you've talked to us about your journey. You talked about going through the emotional intelligence training. As a way to help yourself through, through this journey. How do you stay motivated and inspired when you are in those moments where you're facing obstacles or setback as you're pursuing your legacy and your purpose?

So one of the things is the thing that you and I do, uh, from time to time, which is checking in with other people doing the same, because sometimes you feel, you know, you're the only one struggling. And it's not like that. And, um, sometimes you feel alone and misunderstood and weird. And when you talk with other people that are trying to do the same or similar things, you feel like, okay, and, and then you receive the motivation also for, from those people. Because, you know, there's, there's so much sometimes. Yes, I motivate myself, but sometimes just by feeling, uh, that company in this journey with other people, it's great. Another thing that I'm doing is checking in with my clients, uh, after, uh, because sometimes they tell you, oh no, that, that changed my life. And even, you know, um, yesterday I had a great, uh, thing happen to me because I had this client. It was the most difficult client. I even had to fire this client. This person— and then I was at a brunch and this person was there. I— by the end of the brunch, you know, this person changed my life. And all that I could think was like, it was difficult. I felt so incompetent. I felt like I had failed. And, you know, it It does. Sometimes things work in a different way. And she said, no, no, I still, you know, I, I thought it was about me, but, you know, sometimes people have different timings. Yeah. And she said, no, no, I just wasn't ready. But I just want you to know that I'm still, you know, think about the things we talked about. I still, you know, know that I am not applying, but it really helped me. So that was a reminder for me, you know, it doesn't have to be all perfect. There are clients that you feel like, oh wow, I feel the most incredible coach. And there are other where you, there's a lot of face palm. So she was like that, but then, you know, she told me that yesterday and I was like, okay, okay, I get it now. But if I think about, you know, my first coach, I hated her. I, you know, I wrote to her. I, you know, there was a time that I said, how dare she tell me these things, you know? And I remember writing to her like 3 years after and I said, now I get it. I just wasn't ready, but now I get it. So I said, you know, she's like you. This is why it triggered me so much. This person was a little bit like me. You know, so that was, it was, it was a good client in that sense.

You know, I love what you just said about it's not about me, because I think as coaches, we have to remind ourselves that we are there to be the guide. We are there to be the person to help them on, to facilitate transformation. Exactly. To help them on their, on their journey. And we often take it very personally when they don't move as fast as we think they can, but they're also moving as fast as they can.

Exactly.

So we have to also take a step back and just realize we have to go at their speed, not at our—

our because it's not about, it's not about us. And another thing that helps me to stay motivated is, is actually looking at the money that I have made. This is very easy to forget your progress. So if I think back from where I started and where I am today, the money, but also, you know, what I have learned, the progress, the fact that I don't have— I don't feel any anxiety now before going to a webinar. Before, you know, I used to sweat with my first clients. I used to, like, before going there, I would, like, practice for an hour, uh, all the things that I— they could have asked me, all the things that were connected to that session. And now it's like, I, I just know that I had put in the miles and that I, I am competent. So I have to remind myself a lot of things. And that I'm making progress. And I, I think there's nothing more motivating than realizing that you have gotten so much better. I remember I was scared about watching my own videos. I was like, if I watch my video, I'm gonna stop. It's like the inner critic, it's gonna make me stop. So I didn't watch them. And then there was a time that I just said, you know what, I'm just gonna do it. I'm going to give you, as I said, MJ, you're going to give yourself 30 seconds for self-criticism. And then you're going to say, I did it. I learned, I moved forward. And then that was it. And I just kept, you know, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Until one day I realized I did something and then I was like, oh, well, I was, that was great. Didn't feel anything. And then I realized, ah, it's the competence. Now I feel competent at this. It's like, now I feel, uh, confident that it's gonna go well, that even if I have somebody difficult in that webinar or somebody challenge me and I don't have to have all the answers, I just have to, you know, even if they ask me, I used to be so scared. Like, oh, what if they ask me something I don't know? It's like, I had to hold all the truth in the world. I can say, hey, but I know how to find out. Yeah, let me get back to you. I mean, I think it's because I've, I've gotten more humble. I think a lot of us, uh, sometimes can be a little bit too focused on ourselves. It's like, do I know enough? Am I competent enough? Do I have the talent? It's not about you.

But is it, but is it the need to be competent or is it that innate need to be perfect that holds us back from just winging it when sometimes that's the best thing that we can do?

Yeah, that, that, uh, so of course I had to make, you know, uh, I had to come to terms with my own, you know, perfection, perfectionism. And, um, I had to, in order to keep moving forward, I mean, to have more progress, I had to, uh, accept that course correction was better than perfection. I had to accept that consistently good enough beats occasionally great. All of the time. I used to, you know, I thought about this in this metaphor. So it's like moving, you know, like driving at night. It's like, I don't, I just need to program my direction in the GPS. I don't need to see the full road ahead without obstacles. It's like with my headlines, I can only drive 100 meters., and then I, then I get to see other 100 meters, then just have to keep driving. I don't have to see the full, you know, thing. I don't have to have the full alignment of planets. I don't have to know how it turns out because that's the, you know, sometimes we want to know how it turns out.

Yeah.

And it's like, let me know if I jump, you know, like that outcome, you know, let me know that this is gonna work well. I don't get to know that. And sometimes, you know, We want to have this illusion of control. There's no control. All that I can control is how I show up. I have to trust the universe that is going to interrupt or not interrupt that process. I mean, it's been trying to interrupt it several times. So, and I, I just know that I will adapt. Whatever comes, I will adapt. If I care enough about that thing, I am going to adapt. And, you know, Darwin, who wrote The Theory of Species, you know, in Ecuador, in the Galápagos Islands, I just remind myself it's not the strongest, you know, the fittest, the most talented of species that survives, but the most adaptable. So I guess that, you know, all that competence that I, that I spoke about, it's just a reward, you know.

So it sounds to me like you used to have a need for certainty.

Yeah.

So what have you replaced that with to keep you moving forward?

I used to be, I'm a recovering control freak.

Okay.

So I guess, of course. With cancer, there was a big change, but now is— I'm a lot into acceptance. So I can have preferences. There's a difference, you know, you know what the— in Buddhism they say like the attachment is the root of suffering.

Yeah.

Sometimes when we, when we have this expectation that things have to go like this or like that, or otherwise we're failing. I have realized that that's not true. I can have a preference of how I want this thing to go, but I can trust that if it doesn't go exactly like that, I can adapt. And I just have to, you know, maintain. And, and sometimes we become so rigid in our approaches. And in a, you know, have you ever heard that fable of the Oak and the Reed?

Yeah.

And it's like in a, in, in a storm, who would you rather be? The, the, the oak that trusts in strength and the rigid approach and rigidity, but then, you know, it snaps or gets blown over. Yeah. Or if I'm adaptable, you know, I just bend with whatever comes my way and I don't, you know, like argue with, uh, with what is. I just don't try to resist it. It's like, I just know probably that thing is not going to go as I expect, but I just trust in my ability that I will figure it out. It's like, I know it's not going to go how I want it to go. I prefer it to go this way, but if it doesn't go that way, I just know that this is important for me. I'm going to keep on that path and I'm going to trust that I will figure it out.

But I think that's a, that's a big part of it because we don't know whether or not, even if things aren't going the way that we expect them to, it doesn't mean the outcome is going to be bad because the outcome could be actually even better than what we expected that it would be.

Exactly.

So we psych ourselves out all the time.

Yeah. You know, sometimes in, in, in wanting to control everything and like see the whole journey. We deprive ourselves of the magic of what could happen because we are not— like I said, we are not incredible movie producers. Uh, I, I couldn't have expected that I was gonna get cancer and then a new purpose was gonna come and that was gonna help me and I was gonna have more certifications because of that. And now I have different perspective and I couldn't have thought about that. So sometimes it's like, it's not going to be a good book if you know how it's going to turn out. So it's like, I much rather, you know, sometimes when I feel that desire, I want to know how it's going to turn out, I want that certainty. I just say, hey, it's a great movie to watch. I don't know what's going to happen. And that's, you know, it makes me feel excited in some way, you know, that human need of variety. It's like, I have no idea how I'm gonna do this, but I'm gonna enjoy it. Let's go, let's embrace the suck.

Yeah, and life would be so unbelievably boring if we knew exactly what was going to come. I would bet you that we would take it upon ourselves to inject something to make our life more exciting, because nobody wants to be bored in their lives.

Absolutely.

So the universe knows what it's doing.

Yeah, yeah, it's happening for me.

That's it, that's it. So what would you say the type of person is that you have become over the course of your journey? And how do you balance caring for yourself and others along with your desire to make a difference in the world?

Um, so who I have become and how do I balance, uh, taking care of yourself, taking care of myself while—

yeah, right, following your purpose.

So what, um I have become a very enthusiastic person. And sometimes, you know, that has gotten me weird looks because when I got cancer, I said, I'm going to stay, remain enthusiastic during this journey. And I was like, what is there to be enthusiastic about cancer? And I was like, it's not about the cancer itself. It's like, I'm enthusiastic about the person that I'm becoming. Yeah. Because of this challenge. Because I remember at the beginning when, you know, they tell you all of these things like, oh, you're going to get chemo and then these operations and this and that, and probably also radiotherapy. And you're like, uh, you're like, I don't even know if I'm strong enough for this. And then I just remind myself, not now, but, uh, day by day. If I just focus day by day, I will have that strength and that resiliency. I don't have it now, but if this is here, it's for me to develop those things that I would like to have. You know, when you want patience, uh, it's not that it's gonna fall from the sky. Yeah, you're gonna get a cue or you're gonna get something that is gonna make you develop the patience. So I guess, uh, now I'm a more enthusiastic and resilient, uh, person than before. And I'm enthusiastic about, you know, the struggle. It's like, whoa, that's something that exploded in my face. It's like, I'm excited about seeing how I'm going to figure it out. They're like, well, well, let's see what— how I'm gonna fix this. You know, I just made it fun.

And, you know, after the initial, ah, it's like, well, there, there's always that initial hair pulling, right?

And, and, and how do I balance, um, taking care of myself and others? Um, Well, in order to keep moving forward and, you know, because I'm still healing, I'm still doing some therapy. So sometimes I have to remind myself, okay, what's really important? What's going to be the needle mover? It's like, do I really need to do that too? Can I cancel it? Uh, so right now I'm, I'm, I'm trying to evaluate, you know, like, okay, the opportunities and the priorities. And sometimes I probably put, uh, struggle a little bit sometimes, and maybe I put too much, and then I forget that, you know, I'm still healing, I still need time. So then I just, okay, I just have the courage to say, okay, you did it again, you put maybe too much, we're gonna take this out, and nobody's gonna die, you know. So I, I just know that, uh, I can say, nope, uh, we're gonna take this out, MJ, maybe you want it too much. Let's take it out, postpone it, do it another time, not really important. So first realizing, okay, what's really important that's gonna move the needle forward. And if I make a mistake, which I'm bound to, uh, have the courage, okay, take it out, take it out, you're overdoing it. And, um, that helps me also to be there for the people that matter in my life.

Very cool. Yeah, it— we learn to prioritize. Yeah, right, because we can't take it all on. We can't do everything, so we need to make sure that we know what's important to us so we can prioritize the right things.

Yeah, you can do anything but not everything at the same time.

Exactly, that's it, that's it. So what would you tell a woman who is struggling to find her purpose?

Um, so the easiest way that I would suggest that is just, you know, that life assessment that we, we took for, uh, for, uh, you know, the coaching. I started there in trying to improve my own life, in trying to improve those course, like a new purpose sometimes emerges. Because sometimes I need to learn certain things to improve that area. And in that learning, you're like, oh, I'd like to know more about this. For me, it was learning a lot about relationships. In trying to, you know, also become healthier, in trying also to heal the cancer and heal emotionally. Uh, then I realized, oh, well, this is what I need. So new things started emerging. And so the easiest thing is just start with your own life, try to improve it and start from there.

Okay. So would you say it's about getting curious?

Yeah. This is curious about your own life. How can I, how can I find a better way? And just in pursuing that better way, in having discipline in that, you know, improving that area or areas of your life, something's gonna interest you, something is gonna catch your curiosity. Just follow, follow that thread.

Follow the thread. Okay. Excuse me. So I don't know if, um, I don't know if you have any masterclasses or webinars or anything coming up, but how can people stay connected with you, learn more about you, get in touch with you if they want?

Um, so my preferred channel is, is, uh, Facebook. Um, I'm, I'm actually right now doing a, a Show Your Truth, um, challenge, and I don't know what's being fed to me. I'm doing it with another person. And I'm just sharing, um, on my, uh, website, I'm gonna be sharing also like upcoming webinars.

Okay.

Um, but yeah, I'm working on that. And I, I guess, you know, what I feel, and to wrap it up, um, about living purposefully, it, I think it's about, you know, it feels like when I wake up, even though sometimes there's uncertainty, It feels, you know, I feel energized and excited and, um, not all the work, because there's a lot of routine work, is going to be exciting. I know some routine work is boring, but because I know it's contributing to something that matters, then I'm more, uh, willing to do that boring part of it. Sometimes we have that misconception that we think everything's going to be great and exciting when you're an entrepreneur. And it's not like that. It's just knowing that it's just a price. It's just a price to pay along with uncertainty, judgment, and difficulty.

Gotcha.

Yeah.

Gotcha. Cool. Well, MJ, you took the last question out of my lips. So I don't really have anything else to add or to ask you. What I'm going to do for the people listening is put your website and your Facebook information in the show notes so they know where to find you. And I know we're not— we were going to talk on Thursday and we're not going to do that now, so I guess we'll talk in a couple of weeks.

Yeah, fantastic.

Thank you so much for coming. It was awesome having you.

Thank you so much. See you next time.

Take care. Ciao.