The Legacies We Leave: Transform Your Mindset, Focus on Self-Love & Confidence with Nadeje Montes

Welcome to The Legacies We Leave, conversations on fulfillment, joy, and purpose. Today it is my pleasure to have with us Nadej Montes, who is a confidence strategist, a certified personal development and executive leadership coach, an education specialist. She is CEO and owner of Goals Impact coaching and consulting. She provides professional and personal development to individuals and companies seeking coaching and offers one-on-one and group coaching. As a confidence strategist, she encourages individuals and organizations to set goals that are measurable, attainable, and results-focused. Together with her team, she helps her clients regain that long-lost confidence so they can get unstuck stay in control when they feel themselves slipping off their goals, and successfully manage their business and life without burnout. She became an executive leadership and confidence strategist because there were many times in her own life when she felt stuck, all over the place, lacking confidence, seeking validation, not having goals but having big dreams, and then burnt out from not having a well-balanced life. Her mission is to educate, coach, mentor, and help you create your vision while you raise the standards with high levels of confidence, gets others to accept and embrace you as an authority, and help establish a more effective work environment for you and your team. As hobbies, Nadej loves to dance and has a love for home decor and wedding planning, which is why she got her certification as a professional bridal consultant. She loves road trips and drinking great wines, but the most fun she has is enjoying good food from great places. Nadej, you are in good company because that sounds really good to me.

Thank you so much, Alexandra Niel. Thank you, everyone. Thank you.

It's nice to have you here. I'm excited to just jump right in. Yeah. So let's do that and, and, you know, get this party started. So tell us a little bit about your entrepreneurial journey, how you transitioned from a maybe more traditional life path or career to where you are now and why you decided to start your own business?

I love this question. Thank you so much. Um, the journey, I— it was never an easy journey to start because when I started, I was young. Actually, I was still living at my mom's, and, um, I was loving planning, decorating, and I so wanted to help my friends with their wedding, with parties and all that, that I went into creating gift baskets and all these things, but had no compass, no roadmap, not knowing what the heck I was doing. So around those time, it was just me being out there, we're doing things freely. So fast forward to that, I of course sold some of the things that I created. But you know how when people understand that you have no knowledge of what the heck you're doing, especially when it comes to the financing, they take advantage of that, you know. And as we grow forward and we move forward in life, we became more mature. Through that maturity, I was at a place where I was broken, um, still unbalanced, all over the place, and not really understood life for what it was. So, you know, it's like that journey. And when you hear— when you hear coaches like us, right, saying it's a journey and it must be embraced, it must be embraced because there are things in life that we are going to start taking notes of. So I go all the way to 2016 from where I was around college time to now we are in 2016 and I was going through breakdowns, um, feeling depressed, you know, not knowing what I was doing, working here, working there, still as a professional with a degree, you know, my master's, and yet was all over the place. And my relationship that I was so in love with, not realize that I was, kind of went sideways and everything else started to go as that dark place where I needed to be to really go, oh, what the heck, oh my God, crying, depressed, losing weight. Like, within days I'll just lose weight and nothing fits. And I had to make the decision to, you know what, I have to fix something. I have to fix something. What is it that I want to fix? Is it my finances? Is it my personal life? Is it the way I see things in life? Is it my relationship? All these questions, they all led to one place, because in order for us to grow, right, when we are transitioning in life, we have to understand where we are in our personal life, we have to understand where we are in our financial life, we have to understand where we are in our relationship life, and we have to understand where we are, you know, in everything else that we do. So that's where it all started. It's like, oh, okay. And then I recall I had a book that my colleague, because I was the assistant director in a program, a Head Start program, and my director, she had given me a book by Valerie Burton. That is the, um, Successful Women Think Differently, right? I started reading the book and never really finished it. But around that time when I was down and depressed, I went back to that book and I started getting all my ahas.

Wow.

And then for some reason I was driven to her website, to her YouTube, trying to understand. And then it clicked that I wanted a coach for myself. I wanted to be guided just so I could know how to set up a goal for myself. All the big dreams that I have, how can I move forward with those dreams if I don't have a goal that is clear? And that's how I, I, you know, went into building resilience, you know, being in a new relationship that was also teaching me what love is about, that I needed to love myself, that I needed to understand how to better love others and still fighting with myself, I went on into learning the process. So when I went into coaching, I went for myself, and then I realized that I needed that. It became that career that I have now, but at the beginning, it was a self-improvement that I needed to better understand what I wanted to do and then taught myself. You know, get rid of the debts, get rid of those bills that are hindering you, just so when you really go into it and you are going to be teaching other people, you can teach them the right things. You can teach them how they can advance themselves, whether in their lives or their career, understanding it's a process but yet embracing it, you know, just so they can really feel free doing the things they love and keep on going, you know. So to me, that's what it was. It was the process of letting go of those ways of thinking that I was wrapped into, because of course I always look into the, the way I grew up as another hender into what I do, because I refer to that. But it wasn't until I became more mature that I realized that there was a lot of blaming into the way I grew up was, you know, a problem. The people around was a problem. But no, it was me. So I needed to work on that self-improvement. So that's what we do when we are on that entrepreneurial journey.

It sounds like you went from feeling like a victim to taking full ownership of, of your life.

Absolutely. Absolutely.

What would you say helped you the most as you were making that transition? Hmm.

Oh, I would say it's allowing myself to do the self-reflect practice because we need to understand how to self-reflect, which is one thing coaching does. It helps you really provoke that way of thinking deeper. You ask yourself questions, you try to figure it out. But it was the, the other anchors that I had in my relationship, you know, the people who were standing right next to me, that partner that I had who actually opened up, you know, to say, you're not in it alone, stop thinking that you are in it alone. Because a lot of times we blame things around us because we stay in that place where we think everything we do, we do, there's nobody else. Meanwhile, It's there, just we blinded ourselves so we don't see what's, what's in front of us.

Yeah, no, I can, I can totally see that. And I think the importance of having people around us that support us and that help us grow and that are, I would say, even on a similar path as we are, right? Because when you have somebody who's on a growth path, and somebody who's comfortable where they are, it changes the dynamics and it causes friction. But when both people are on this growth path, it actually makes you move so much faster, and it reminds you you're not alone on, on the journey, and you can rely on each other.

Yes, absolutely, absolutely. And, you know, when you think of it, that's where the relationship part is important, because in the relationship part, you not only you're learning to love yourself better, but you are also learning to appreciate people around you. I always believe that, you know, I'm not all the time someone who jumps in and, um, I love giving ideas, but when it comes to me, I used to always be on that stage fright, you know, when people come in and telling me how to do things, they're trying to take, invade, right? Takes space and not realizing that, you know, it's okay because it's helping you become mature. A relationship that is pruned, that is well maintained, that's what you get. You get conversation. Not only you do having the conversation with your own self, but you also have a conversation with other people who do understand you, and that's how it's going to help you develop the better you. Because if you're not developed, you know, at that level to understand what relationship is, when to stay quiet, it's okay. Even when we're not talking, we are good around each other, or even when we simply saying one word but it makes sense, right? It's important because it really helps propel forward.

Yeah. Um, In terms of the self-love, because you talked about self-love a couple times, and obviously with You Slay Confidence, there's that tie-in to self-love and then, and then the confidence. So how did you go from being that victim, right, or that, from that place of blame, to learning to love yourself? And developing that self, that self-confidence. Take us through that a little bit so that we understand.

We still continue to work on our confidence, always, always. But there's a beauty about when you can differentiate between confidence and arrogance.

Okay.

And a lot of times people think that there's a certain approach that they must have is what's confidence. But for me, I don't have to walk in a room demanding anything because to me demand is arrogance, but where you can connect and build in together as a community this confidence. And before that, I was always afraid to make decisions, asking for validation, waiting for people to tell me, yes, you can do it, instead of me believing in myself that I can do it. And as a woman, as a an African-American woman, as someone who came from a different country, the Caribbean, there's a certain cultures that we have, a certain way that I was brought up. And, you know, when we talk about the blame, it's where some— I used to take myself there because I know that because we grew up in church, because we had to do things a certain way and we cannot be like everybody else, you know, we have to be the, the example and yeah, all that matters, but are you really you through all that, right? Are you really doing things for you, or are you doing it because that's what the culture, that's what people have told you, right, to do? So all these things were really a process for me to really gather around myself, to know that, okay, you could always show up somewhere, you could always speak your mind. It doesn't make you an arrogant person, actually makes you a confident person. And when you you don't speak your mind to belittle other people around you, but it's really to, to encourage and build other people around you. And it made sense, you know, for me. And turning into that, you know, you sleep confidence person, it's because, hey, I needed to work on me so I can be, be there and be better in helping others as well understand why it's so important to build the confidence. Because You have to be able to show up in your business. You have to be able to talk. You have to be able to connect with other people, networking with other people, especially, you know, in this world that we are living in nowadays. Things are done virtual. We never expected that we were gonna spend almost 3 years behind the computer and meeting the world that way, right?

Yeah.

And by doing so, we learned many things. We learned to, to, to, to speak mind, but to speak clearly so other people can understand that. So yeah, that's building the confidence, and I had to, I had to work on that. And it's like I said, it's a continual thing. I continue to work on myself into understanding, oh, this is how you reacted, or this is how you presented yourself. Do you— what do you think, you know? And asking you questions to myself to know, okay, when is it confidence and when is it, you know, that cocky and arrogant and all these things. And, you know, sometimes we need it, but we also need to know when and where to show up with that.

And I think too, with the arrogance piece, arrogance to me always has an underlying element of lack of security, lack of self-confidence. So because you lack self-confidence, You show up as bigger, better, wanting to be above, so to speak, other people. Yes. But I fully agree with you that when you really have true confidence, it's because you're showing up as your authentic self. And when you do that, you don't have to prove anything.

Yes, that's it. Authenticity.

Yeah, it makes a big— it makes it— and people see through that, right? Yeah, they see it when, like, because there are people that you want to spend time with because they make you feel good and their confidence is contagious. And you have other people where you're like, you don't necessarily want to spend time with them because, you know, all they're going to do is talk about how great and awesome and everything that they are. And then, but there's no connection there.

Yes, yes. And, you know, as women, for those of you who are listening, you have to understand that it's important, you know, when you could connect with people, when you can walk in a room and, you know, the minute you walk in, you know, others around you want to be around you because they already seen you, that they can learn from you. You're not walking in, you know, to make people feel like, oh, you know what, nah, not with her, you know. But you want to walk in and set up the vibe where, you know, others can come in and say, you know what, Alex, thank you so much because what you just said brought something, it brought a change in my— and, you know, it happened to me in wherever I worked, and others when they come in, and I remember I was talking to that lady, a colleague I would say, um, she came in my department, um, and we were talking, and I let her speak but I also brought in thoughts behind what she was saying, and then to just listen to her go, oh wow, oh, I didn't see, we need to talk more. It is refreshing, right? And that's what we need. It's having the confidence to not say a lot. You don't have to say a lot, and that's what confidence is about. You say one word, but that one word empowers millions because it makes sense, because it, it pushes people to make decisions to embrace the life that they want to live.

Fully agree. Fully agree. So I'd love to talk about the whole idea of purpose because I've heard so many different people's takes on what purpose is. I'd love to hear from you what, how you define purpose. What is your sense of purpose in life? And how did you, like, how did you discover that sense of purpose? And how do you fulfill that every day? I know it's a lot.

Sorry. No, no, no. Thanks, Alex. I'll just start with where my dreams used to be so we can really get into the purpose. When I was growing up, it was always my dream to become a lawyer. I wanted to become the judge in the judicial house in Haiti, right? And my grandfather used to always say, there would be no such thing in this house because lawyers are liars. But I was determined. So when I moved into the States, because this is the dream, because that's what I wanted, I went into college, just went into political science and got my degree in political science. But you want to hear the funny thing is that they used to always say, everybody in my house, my grandmother, my aunts, they were all teachers. My uncles, they have schools in Haiti. So I don't want to be a teacher. There's no way. Then after I graduated college, I went in the Department of Education, started teaching there, and then realized that there's something in me that wanted to work in and be there because I wanted to help children be the best. Like gain a better education. And when I talk, I mean, we hear people say that a lot, but what I'm talking about when I say better education, my parents, my grandparents, they embedded in us, my brothers and I, that we have to know everything. So I came with that mindset thinking that, yeah, they have to learn to respect people, they have to learn to say Mrs. and not, you know, calling by first name and all that. All these things were all going and drooling, thinking that that's what the passion was, that's what the purpose was. But no, purpose is the decisions that we make to change not only ourselves but others around us. And how it's going to be done, it's going to be done one step at a time. We embrace the things we are passionate about, the things we love. We build compassion, we become empathetic. And these are— if you do not have that, how can you live life through your purpose, right? So I went into education, earned my dual master's in education, early childhood. But it wasn't just that. It was coming in to guide people and strategize with them how they really want to move forward. Because our role as educators, our roles are not to tell people what to do. And that's where we get into the spiral and the mistake of thinking that because we are teachers, we have to always tell people what to do. But no. Teaching is actually guiding people so they can go through it asking you to, you know, for guidance and help. We let ourselves get into the 'we have to tell people what to do,' and for me, the purpose that I'm living in is not to tell people what to do but to help them strategize how they want to do, the things that they desired in life, because we all have desires. And I cannot bring my own desire into your life, but I have to, as a guidance, have to understand what are those things that you desire in life and then help you conquer and get, get them. So purpose is that, is that decision, is those decisions that we make in order to guide others into creating the life that they want.

And I think that there's also an element of discovery, because sometimes people don't, don't know what they want. Sometimes they go into a career because that's what the family has always done, you know, 5th generation doctor and 6th generation lawyer, or whatever the case may be. And they do it because it's been drilled into their head that this is what the family does. And when we start on that path, it's very difficult to say, wait a minute, is that what I really want to feel fulfilled, or am I living somebody else's life? Yes.

Yes, yes, we have to, to be able to ask ourselves that question. Are we living the life that others have designed for us, or do— are we living our own life? And when we get there, you'll be surprised what the answers are. It's always, I'm living my own life, right? So we go into creating, you know, um setting up the boundaries. That's where we go into setting up boundaries, because we start realizing that I don't have to do what my mom did, I don't have to do what my uncle, my aunt, or where my, my entire family has done. Yes, doctors, nurses, lawyers, so what? Like I said, my grandfather, oh, he did not want that, right? But yet again, I was stubborn, and I still think about it, and sometimes I'm like, maybe I'll put it all the way in last part of my list because it's a desire, it's something that I want, but now it's no longer the priority. Because as you discover your passion, you discover the things that you really love to do, you realize that, oh, maybe I wanted to do it because I wanted to get under his skins, right?

Sometimes.

Or maybe I wanted to do it because I thought that that's ideal, right? But not realizing that, well, now if I do it, I'll do it because I want to prove to myself that I, you know, that I could do it. And there's still time. I may be looking good for 48 years old, but, but, um, when you accept yourself, because, you know, when I moved into my town I moved in and I said to myself, you know what, I'm gonna be the mayor of this town. So it's still there, but as I go into getting to know the trustees of the town, looking around to see what's going on and everything, I'm realizing more that I must create that impact into other people's lives. So why that burning sensation to do the things that maybe it's going to make me feel overwhelmed, you know, or all over the place. No, find your compass. Your purpose is to guide and help other people. So the more I said it to myself, the more all these other things that were there just because, because of Mom, because of Dad, because they start going all the way down, down, down to the— of the list until probably they're no longer gonna be on the list.

You know.

Yeah.

No, it's true. And I love what you said about prioritizing because I find that sometimes we're so busy fighting fires all day long, we lose sight of the things that are important to us. And when we prioritize everything and everyone before we prioritize ourselves, That's when stress happens. That's when exhaustion happens. That's when burnout happens. So what are some ways in which you are able to prioritize things in a way that where you're taking care of yourself and you're keeping yourself alive and fulfilled while at the same time supporting your clients, your community, your family, your friends?

Yes, thank you, um, for that question. I like it because that's where we go into the self-care part, right? We exit to— well, in order to exit the burnout, the overwhelming, we also have to listen to our inner selves and Often we struggle with that because there's that old ways, the old habits of doing things. We want to do everything all at once, and then when we get burned out, we feel like, okay, now it's time to give up because I can't do it anymore. But the truth is you don't have to do everything all at once. You can, you know, that word you use, prioritizing. We have to learn to do that. Even in our own lives. If there used to be a time I would be on the computer from morning to night and getting up at 4 in the morning— it's still my schedule that I wake up, but the funny thing is, at that time I used to have to commute 2 hours— well, 4 hours per day, let's just put it this way— to go to work. That's crazy, because I live far and yet I'm only sleeping for an hour or two because I really wanted to get things done in the business. So you're juggling between business, between relationship, between yourself, and then after a while you no longer— you're not present, right? You're not there for the people who are there for you. You're not even realizing all the sacrifices that they are making to be with you because you are so busy. And that was happening to me realizing that if I keep going that way, I'm gonna lose, you know, all the good things, all the good people. And it's okay to— if you listen to your inner voice, your inner voice is going to tell you, you know what, I don't think it's necessary right now, take a break. Maybe you need to just sit down and read a book, Maybe you just need to listen to some calming music. And when you listen to those voices talking to you that way, and you take what they— that thought, or those thoughts are telling you to do into really and putting into practice, you start realizing that things becoming clearer. They start to become clearer because you no longer feeling pressured to do everything all at once. Now you could come in, create, work on the things that needs to be worked in, and then take a pause, reach out to the people that matters to you, go out for dinner, go out for a drink, you know, and then come back, read a book, and then watch television. And then after that, you go back to your— it gives you a sense of living. Now when you are around people, you're no longer looking depressed or ready to fight, but you are more a people person, people can— and approachable, right? So we have to listen to our inner voices just so we can take deep breath, pause, and then embrace the things that are around us because that's what self-care is about. Self-care is about listening to our inner voices. One of the ebooks that I have in my website It, you know, it does talk about the inner self, the inner thoughts, and all that. It's within us, right? And when we get to embrace those inner thoughts, we can actually differentiate when the thoughts are actually against us. Those are the, the negative that we, we say all the wrong things to ourselves, we are being so harsh on ourselves. And the positive thoughts, when our mind, you know, we have that growth mindset to think that, you know, I know this is right now, it appears that it is a difficult season, but it's not gonna stay like that all the time, you know. I can pass, I can move past that because I'm learning through that difficulty. Actually, it's a learning phase and not a difficult phase. So we have— that's when we learn to choose our words, you know, correctly, and making it our ways to improve ourselves.

Yes. So when you talk to women, and I know many women, and I was one of them, who when my inner voice said, slow down, slow down, slow down, I was like, I'll slow down later. I have a friend who used to say, I can rest when I'm dead.

Right?

Which is so counterproductive to everything that we know today in terms of how to take care of ourselves and everything else. So how do you, what do you say to a woman who says exactly that to get her started on that journey of taking better care of herself so she can show up and be present in her relationships, engaged in her work, and enjoying life more?

Take a deep breath. Yeah, um, because we do— there was a time I didn't even know what a deep breath was, you know. And I've heard many women talk that way, saying that, oh my God, I didn't know that I could do that, that I could take a deeper— how does it— oh, it feels so good. Yes, it does feel good, because guess what it does when we do that? We take that two— it's just a quick second of deep breath practice that we do take, it sets clarity for us because we can actually say feel all the muscles that were so tense. We now feel it just by exercising that deep breath because we are releasing everything that we was holding on, we were holding on for so long, right? So we have to learn to practice That deep breath, let go. Um, and I'm singing it, I'm right now, it makes, it makes sense as I'm singing it because I used to always hate when people say to me, let go.

Yeah.

And I would look at them and be like, really? How do you, how do you let go? Tell me, you know, until I started practicing. But I needed to be facing all those dark places where I was to understand what let go is. Because we know when we are going through certain places that are dark in our lives, we want to just stop everything we do. But when we stop everything we do, if we do not have clarity, if we do not have a way to visualize what's coming forward in front of us, then we may just stop there, never move forward, right? We may just get stopped. So deep breathing is a way to let go of all those places where we were in that dark season, and then let go, releasing it so we can move forward. Because each step forward, it doesn't have to be 10 steps, one step. I call it the turtle step. Each time you act like a turtle, you take one step You are progressing into becoming the best person of your life, the best version of you. So you have to be able— when those thoughts come in and telling you, you know what, you finish this and then you— when you die, that's what— but when you die, you won't be able to celebrate. People will celebrate all the sacrifices that you made except you, because all those work, hard work that you've done, you are not there for that to celebrate. So allow yourself to breathe in, breathe out, and then actually see things with a whole different lens. Because there's so much in life, there's so much in what we do, what we bring around people, you know, that is so good. Now, if we're not there to enjoy, if we're not there to celebrate, we won't know what it is. So I'll tell you to take a deep breath first. And then talk to yourself because we, the other thing is we are so afraid of self-talk. It's okay to self-talk.

But I think part of the reason why we're afraid of self-talk is because the things we say to ourselves are generally not very nice.

Yes.

Getting that mental, doing that mental gymnastics of switching from that negative self-talk self-deprecating, negative, minimizing talk to positive, growth-oriented is— takes practice.

Oh yes, I was waiting for that word. It's a practice because this is where it works. The self-talk that we do, and we get— we are afraid of it because we remember it's innate what we used to say to ourselves. Because throughout our lives, especially us women, we grew up hearing, oh, you're a woman, you cannot do this, you cannot sit this way, you cannot laugh that way, oh, are you not good enough? And then we let it sink in. And we believe in it. So we fight that thought or those thoughts all the time, and then when we now start hearing that, oh, actually you can do it, we question, really? Can I really do it? So what I suggest is allow yourself to start with the self-talk that is negative and hear yourself saying it. And then now say it to yourself. Now that I've said this, how do I feel? Do I feel good? And you look into— oh no, I'm not looking— I'm not feeling good. So what can I say to myself differently that makes me feel good? And you start bringing some words that are positive to yourself. And as you do it as a practice, you continue to do it, because remember, consistency is what's going to help us get it through, is doing it over and over and over. And trust and believe that there are days you're not gonna feel like, you know, saying anything, and it's okay. But you could always write it down, just so when you go back to what is written, you could say, hmm, now let me identify those areas where I feel like there's strength, where I feel good each time I say it out loud. And then those areas, every time I say it out loud, it doesn't make me feel good, makes me feel depressed. Now use those words that are said positively all the time and make it into an everyday practice, everyday practice until it is really sunk in. So allow ourselves to take deep breaths and allow ourselves to do the self-talk. And the last thing is when you feel like you come into a stage fright, the, the, the freezing, um, mode, right? Because we come to that place a lot. We come to that place because we don't really know, and it's— that's where we get stuck. We don't really know how to get unstuck because imagine it as you walking down the streets and you know you are scared of snakes, and as you're walking, it so happened that you came right in front of a big snake. Now what do you do? You're afraid of it. Do you stay still? Do you stand still, or do you run, or do you scream and asking people to help you? And you're saying, as you are screaming, you're saying to yourself, but I cannot scream. If I do that, that Snape is just gonna bite me, or oh my God, what do I do? Do I run? If I run, what's gonna happen? Is it gonna scrawl? You know, like, and you ask yourself all these questions because you're at a moment of stage fright. You are in that freeze-fright mode. But knowing that now that you came across the snake and nothing happened, how do you feel? You feel like, oh, look, I can go on. It's just a snake. I'm not scared of it. So you think, you start thinking differently. And that's, I, I use that as a way to help women strategize into their business as well, right? You are building your business, but yet there are so many things you come across when you are building your business. This, you know, you have to do things on your own, you don't have people to work for you when you first start, right? Um, and then now you have to post, you have to take pictures, you have to, to do videos and all these things you never used to do before. But how do you do it, right? You get in that, oh my God, do I do it? How do I do it? Who do I talk to? How can I show up? And then after that, you say to yourself, you know what, it's okay, I'm gonna try it. If I try it today, so what? What's the worst that can happen? And that's the thing, when we are in that stage fright, we ask ourselves questions. But now the questions, one of the questions that we need to ask ourselves is, what's the worst that can happen?

You can also ask, what is the best that can happen?

What's the best thing that can happen?

So I want to go back to what you were talking about before in terms of listening to your own negative self-talk, because awareness is huge. And when we go through life on autopilot, we're not really aware of either our thoughts or our actions or how we impact other people. And that's how my journey to better self-talk began. I was, I don't remember what happened, but I was talking to myself like horrible. And all of a sudden, like, and I heard myself, I think for the first time I heard the words that were coming out of my mouth and I was like, 'Oh my God, I would never say that to anyone. Why is it okay to say that to me?' And ever since that moment, it's been, you know, up and down, and it's, you know, that whole journey thing. But really listening to how we talk to ourselves is critical, and paying attention, because often we— again, we're on autopilot, we don't pay attention, and we're just in the groove, right? In the rut. So being able to change. So is there a trick that you use when you hear yourself in that negative self-talk to bring you back to positive?

Lately, because remember, it's a process, but lately I embrace laughing.

Ah, okay.

At the things that I say, because what it does— I'm realizing that when I do laugh, it makes me feel good.

Okay.

It makes me think that, oh child— and I do say that to myself— that really child, get yourself together. And then we'll laugh, because once I do say that, now I change the narrative and look for something positive to say. So when you catch yourself— and I, you know, self-awareness is huge. It's good, you know, when you are conscious of the things that you do say to yourself and you are aware. Now you you have to be able to, to be at a place where you no longer punishing yourself, but instead you think it through. And you, just like you said, you ask yourself, would you want somebody to say that to you? Or would you say that to somebody? What do you think if you say those words to someone? Don't you think they probably will walk on you slap the heck out of you. I remember I used to have that colleague of mine, every time he will talk to those teenagers, he'll say, I'm going to slap those two cents out of your ears. And I never really understood when he first started saying it until he was like, yeah, so they can get their senses together. You know, it's like sometimes we have to get those two cents out of our mind and get it. It must click that we not punishing ourselves, but we are talking to ourselves. And when we get it, we go back and we laugh and we say, you know what, it wasn't good what you said, right? So what can you say differently that's going to make you feel better? And once you feel better, now what can you do moving forward just so you don't go back to that rut and repeating the same thing again.

And it's a step-by-step process, right? It's not one and done. It's you do it and then you do it again and then you do it again. You were talking about consistency before.

Yes.

And between the awareness and the consistency in how we talk to ourselves, that's when we start to move the needle.

Yes, yes, we are, um, we are— we were taught that everything has to be like an instant coffee, but no, instant coffee, it dissolves, yes, quickly, but does it have the same taste as if it was really— if you took that time to make your coffee the right way and really enjoying it, you know, it's like grinding all the, you know, those beans and making sure— well, I grew up that way, okay, from the Caribbean. We make it fresh. So I could say that you have to go through the process, and as you go through the process, you know, don't say that it's hard, but say that it's the best teacher that you have, because the process of going through things as they are, the things that we call hard and difficult, they are just our teachers, they are our motivators, they help us move the compass, you know, they help us find our directions. So don't think that, you know, everything has to be done in an instant. Take that time to be like a turtle. Turtle steps, you know, they are steps actually. So turtle steps.

Turtle steps sounds good to me. So, um, are you currently promoting any programs or offer anything that you want to share with the audience that can support them?

Yes.

And how can people get in touch with you? Before I forget.

Absolutely. Thank you for that. Um, we are not— actually, our program is starting. We are just putting together to start our enrollment. So we've been in the process of starting promotion for our life coaching and executive leadership coaching. So it's the intensive 4-day life coaching program that is starting in June, and after that you enroll into the 6-month program right after you've done the 4 days that is only the life coaching. It's called Elevate, Elevate intensive 4-day life coaching program, and then you go and enroll into the 6 months. So that's what we have in June that is starting, um, and what we are doing that is different from from other life coaching programs is that we also embedded the women leadership into the 6-month program. A lot of times you get the intensive courses and then you get the, the 6 months that is tailored toward the business development. Now we have ICF core competencies embedded just so you could understand the process of, um, having a best practice in your coaching and then understanding your role. Because it's not, it's not really a program that is for women only, but it's tailored to help women build leadership, not just in a company that they work for, but if they decide to go in having their own coaching program, um, outside. So that's what we are having in, um, starting in June. Our signature program is out. So if you're that person who seek to have your, um, to become a certified life coach or certified executive lead, um, coach, then this program is for you. And you could always reach out to me at info@youslayconfidence.com, or you could just go to the website youslayconfidence.com/elevate, which is E-L-E-V-8.

Excellent. And I'll put all of that in the, uh, in the show notes. So one last question before we sign off. What does living a purposeful life mean to you?

Hmm. Oh, everything, everything. Um, it means showing up unapologetically, okay, showing up authentic. It means living on your own standards, your own terms, living on your own terms.

I love that. So live unapologetically— unapologetically, that is a heck of a difficult word to say.

Have you ever listened to the podcast Well, I'm inviting all of you, if ever— if you have ever listened, that's what we do. We are unleashing. So it's called Unleashed Unapologetically, and that's what we do. We are being unapologetic.

Good. So unapologetically you being authentic and then living your— basically living your standards. Yes. Very nice. Very cool. Nadej, it's been an absolute pleasure, and I will do my magic and, uh, keep you posted, let you know when everything comes out. And, uh, I look forward to staying connected.

Thank you so much. Thank you to all of you who've listened.

All right, take care, Nadezhda.

Thank you. Thank you, Alex.

Bye.