In this motivational talk, the speaker argues that after a divorce, the most important goal is to prioritize personal healing—emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically—before pursuing any other ambitions. She frames divorce as one of many grief events we experience, emphasizing the need to process these emotions rather than building new goals on a shaky foundation of resentment or pain. Drawing on David Hawkins' book "Letting Go," she explains that truly releasing negative emotions requires feeling them fully, which gradually diminishes their power. She shares a real‑life example of a friend who chose to confront her anger and hurt, enabling her to be a better mother, thrive at work, and eventually form a healthy new relationship. To help listeners navigate this process, she offers four concrete actions: (1) do one self‑care activity each day, (2) journal thoughts and feelings, (3) join her supportive "Brave New You" Facebook community, and (4) enroll in her upcoming beta program "Rediscover Your Spark and Reclaim Your Life" when ready. The talk concludes with a choice framing—either wallow in pain or actively let it go—highlighting that while both paths involve discomfort, the latter leads to a stronger, more resilient foundation for a renewed self.
Chapters
We are coming to that time where everybody's setting goals. You look around, everybody's talking about goals, setting new goals, reviewing last year's goals and how we did against them. There is one thing that I think is missing when we talk about setting goals, especially when we talk about setting goals after a divorce. And before I go into what that is, I just want to share— the other day I was listening to a podcast, and the lady on the podcast was saying that in our lifetime we are going to experience approximately 40 instances or moments of grief. Think about that for a second. It's maybe moving to a new house, divorce is certainly part of it, getting bullied. It could be a whole host of different things. And every time we go through those moments of grief and those moments where things aren't what we expected them to be, we need to give ourselves the time to digest and to process. And right now, if you've just come out of a divorce, maybe there's only one goal you need to keep in mind, and that is, how do I get myself in the best shape emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically? Because setting goals on a foundation of hurt resentment, any negative emotion that you might have brewing is not going to be a positive outcome. Setting goals based on those negative emotions is like building a house on a foundation of sand. You want to make sure that whatever new house you build, whatever new you, you build, you build that on as strong a foundation as you possibly can. And that means doing the work to make sure that the foundation is strong. A friend of mine went through a divorce not long ago, and she was hurt, she was angry, but she refused to give away her power. So she made a choice to deal with the anger, to deal with the hurt, so that she could move on from a healthy place mentally and emotionally. She could continue to be the best mom for her kids, she could continue to thrive in her career because her emotions had been dealt with. And they had been put to bed. And in addition to that, she was able to create a new relationship, but again, the foundation was strong. Now it's your choice. You can use all your reasons as reasons why you can't put your healing first, or you can believe that those are exactly the reasons why you need to put healing first. So what can you do? In his book, "Letting Go," David Hawkins, Dr. David Hawkins, talks about the process of letting go. And letting go is exactly what it says it is. It's about letting go of the negative emotions. And those emotions could be anything. It could be anger, resentment, guilt, shame. And the way that you do that is by actually allowing yourself to feel the emotion, to feel the anger, to feel the guilt, to feel the shame. Because the more we give ourselves the opportunity to feel it, the less power it takes and the less power and control it holds over us. And that's not easy. That's not easy because sitting in that emotion doesn't feel good. But do you remember when you first got your heart broken and you cried like— I'm talking ugly crying, like snot coming out of your nose, and then you cried again and it was a little bit less painful. And little by little, by allowing yourself to feel the emotion, you released it, you let it go, and you were able to move on. I know that this isn't easy, but I would like to offer 3 ideas to maybe make this a little bit easier. And the first one is: every day, do one thing that makes you feel good. As you're going through this letting go process, do one thing that makes you feel good, one thing that says, "I'm taking care of myself today." Number 2, don't hesitate to journal in your thoughts. Sometimes just a simple act of putting pen to paper is a way of letting go. It's a way of releasing. It's a way of understanding why you feel the way you feel. Sometimes we feel things and we have a hard time describing it. This is one way that helps to do that. And this is where the gold is. When you're able to journal and to— it's one thing to think about something intellectually or to be in your feelings, but when you write it down and you actually see it written on paper, it lands differently. Even if you don't do it regularly, when you feel the need to release and let go, journaling is a great alternative. Number 3, I would invite you to join my Brave New You Facebook community. I'll put the link down below. This is a community of women who are going through the same thing you're going through. It's a place of safety, it's a place where you can share, it's a place where, uh, we discuss ideas, thoughts, coping mechanisms. So it's a great place to be. And number 4, when you're ready to do the work, I would invite you to join my new beta program Rediscover Your Spark and Reclaim Your Life. And I'll put that information down below as well. So you can choose how you deal with your pain. You can choose to wallow in it, play victim to it, use it as a weapon, or you can acknowledge the pain, the loss. You can deal with it and you can let it go. Both of them are going to be painful no matter what. One is going to be painful for a longer period of time and has a number of consequences potentially. The other one is going to be painful, but it's going to be for a shorter amount of time, and it's going to enable you to build a strong foundation for the new beautiful you that you're becoming. Which one are you going to choose?
