50 Lessons In 50 Years

Thank you for tuning in to the True Grit and Grace podcast. I'm Amberly Lago, and I'll be sharing inspirational stories of resilience and empowering ideas to elevate your business and your life, ignite your passion, and fuel your purpose. Well, hello, it's Amberly, and I just want to thank you for tuning into the show. I really appreciate you tuning in to True Grit and Grace. If you're a first-time listener, Thank you for being here. I hope you enjoy this episode so much that you're gonna want to subscribe so you get to hear future episodes. I just turned 50 like a couple of weeks ago, and it's just kind of sinking in that I'm 50. I know a lot of people get caught up like in feeling old and wow, they're 50 and over the hill and all those things. And honestly, I just feel grateful that I made it this far. If you've listened to the show, you know, I've been through. Quite a few traumas, accidents, near-death experience. So I'm just grateful I made it to 50. In fact, I want to give you something free. I created a playbook in celebration of turning 50, and it's called How to Get Through Anything and Thrive. If you just text the word— it's free, it's a free download— text the word grit, just the word grit, G-R-I-T, to 818- 214-7378 and get that download. That's my gift to you. And you know, the morning I like starting my day with some prayer, some quiet time before everybody else wakes up. I do some reading, some journaling. I mean, I talk to God, I set my intentions. And the morning that I woke up on my birthday, I wrote down 50 things in my journal, 50 things that I've learned in 50 years. Now, some of the, you know, lessons I've learned in 50 years— and my goodness, I've learned the most from a lot of my failures. And I did a post on Instagram and I had so many people saying, oh my goodness, I love these lessons, this should be your next book. I'm like, oh my goodness, another book. Well, that's a whole other podcast, but I wanted to share some of my top lessons today with you. And first of all, I'd like to start with number one: you're never too old. It's never too late to start something new. I mean, seriously, you're never too young either, but you're never too old. You can start over. I was 46 when I published my first book. I was 48 when I did my first TED Talk, and I was 49 when I published my second book. I completely reinvented my career, you know, later in life. Y'all, 5 years ago I didn't— well, it's almost 6 years ago now— I didn't even own a computer. And now here I am with, thanks to you, a top 1% podcast on Apple. And so you're never too old. This is your sign to start. You can't just dream about it. I want you to take action. Even baby steps are steps in the right direction. And now how to get to that goal leads me to number 2. It's more important to have a vision than it is to make plans. Now look, your plans are always going to change. Something's going to happen. Something, you know, things don't necessarily always go right. In fact, most of the time they go wrong. And so you can have the best plans, but if you have this vision, it doesn't matter if your plans change. You can just reroute, go a different direction. Take another door. But if you have that vision, you're going to be able to reach your goals, which leads me to number 3. Okay, it's important to have a vision. It's so important to have a vision. But number 3 is community is powerful and relationships are everything. So when you have a vision, it's so important to get crystal clear on that vision. For me, I had to become a part of that vision. Now, back when I was a dancer and wanted to become a fitness trainer, I remember going into the gym and dressed like a dancer. Now, dancers wear kind of raggedy old clothes, old torn sweats. And I had one of the owners of the gym say, you want to be a trainer? You look like you just bought your clothes from a garage sale. And that really hit me. I was like, wow, if I want to look professional and I want people to hire me as a trainer, I better dress like one. And so I went and bought a brand new, really snazzy Adidas suit. I showed up at the gym every day and just stayed at the gym. I was there working out. I was there to help people if they needed help with the equipment. I would do free sessions to new members of the gym. I became so much a part of that vision that after a year I had a— and it did take a year, but I had a full, full schedule of Clients every single day, which then led me to having trainers that I hired to work underneath me, which led me to having a successful fitness business, which led me to doing fitness videos and infomercials by Body by Jake and in Health Magazine and Shape Magazine. I just became a part of that vision. And I would feed that vision with positivity, but Back to number 3, it's the community and the relationships. It's so important. You can have that vision, but if you're not surrounded by the right people, it's going to bring you down. You are going to become like the people that you surround yourself with. So if I wanted to be, you know, a fitness trainer, I was hanging out with the owners of the gym and the most successful fitness trainers. When I decided that I wanted to become a speaker and an author, I went and took a class from one of the top, top teachers in LA. His name's Jack Grapes. He really helped me build the confidence in writing my book. I started listening to podcasts. I started following people on Instagram that I aspired to be like, like Mel Robbins and Jay Shetty and Lewis Howes. And guess what? Eventually I ended up sharing the stage with them and Relationships are everything. People ask me all the time, well, how are you getting booked on all these stages? How did you start doing that? And I have to say, relationships are so important. When I got hired for a job, I would show up early and I would be the last one to leave. And when I, when I say that, I, I want to show up and do my best. Even if I had the first big stage that I got a chance to speak on, I was scared to death, y'all. I was a newbie and I was sharing the stage with Mel Robbins, um, Brendon Burchard, uh, Ed Mylett was there. It was at an event called Powerful You and the top motivational speakers were there. And then there was me. I only got 5 minutes on stage, but do you think I showed up for the 5 minutes and left? Nope. I showed up as soon as the doors were open. I let them know I was there to help out for anything that they may need. And guess what? There was a speaker there that they couldn't find when it was his time to be on stage. And they called me. They said, hey, we can't find the next speaker. Can you go on early and go ahead and go on stage? I was like, I am your girl. I am there. Well, guess what? Because I had the one of the best time slots for speaking and they gave me that 5 minutes, I met so many amazing people. I had a line of people to grab my book after I spoke. I met people and made connections with them, which led me to being able to speak again at Powerful You at their next event. Only this time I was one of their keynote speakers. And it's because they knew that I was going to show up. I was going to help clean up. I was going to be there for anything that they may need. And so relationships are so important in everything that you're doing. Number 4, the human spirit is powerful beyond measure. And when you think of your why, the why you want to accomplish something instead of how, it activates your heart and your spirit. So if I, you know, when I was going to write my book, I, I didn't really know how. I didn't own a computer. I handwrote 80 to 90% of my book and then went out and bought a laptop, typed it all up. And there were times when I doubted my ability to actually write the book. I mean, I don't have a college education. I didn't have a lot of support. I thought, who's going to want to read my book? But I knew why I needed to write it. I knew that there was someone out there that was in depression or desperation, or they were living in pain and they needed that glimmer of hope. And I thought, if I can just reach one person and give them 1% of hope to keep moving forward, then I can write this book. And so think of your why, and you can get through anyhow, but focus on your why. Number 5. Your belief will determine what you create. So really, really let that sink in. Um, I interviewed John Acuff on the podcast. You might want to go back and listen to that one. Um, he wrote the book Soundtracks. And he, you know, look, I have this inner critic. I call it the bully. And man, it comes out. This, this bully comes out and wants to bring me down, wants to tell me that, you know, I'm not good enough. that I'm not smart enough, I'm not worthy enough. It's usually I'm not enough. And we can change that soundtrack in our mind to something positive. We have to catch it first, and then switch the switch it. And so here's an exercise for you to help with that. I mean, affirmations are powerful. And if you have some, be very conscious of what you're telling yourself of what you believe. If you have something negative come up, if you're telling yourself something negative, or if that bully comes out, write that on an index card. And on the back of the index card, write something that affirms it to be something very positive, an I am statement. And so, I mean, look, there have been times in my life where I've been, you know, feeling like, how am I worthy of getting on that TED Talk or doing that TED Talk on that stage in that, you know, famous, that infamous red circle, like, oh my gosh, who do I think I am? I'm not smart enough. And on the back of the index card, I wrote, I am worthy of sharing my story. I boldly shine my light. And so make it whatever is going to inspire you and go shine your light. And I promise you, if you start to flip the script on what you're telling yourself. Over a while, it really changes your thoughts and your thoughts change your actions. Number 6, be kind to everyone. Man, kindness just sure makes a difference. And be kind because it's the right thing to do. But I'll tell you a story. You never know who it is you're talking to, really, whether you're in the store or, you know, walking through the neighborhood. For me, I remember before I was writing my book, I went to this conference. It was called Author 101. I mean, I was trying to learn everything I could about becoming an author, and I didn't know anything about the publishing world or any of that. And so I'm going to this conference in LA, and I'm in the elevator and I see a guy in a suit and he is just running, sweat dripping off his forehead. And I hold the door for him and, and he's like, oh my goodness, I'm running late. Thank you so much for holding the door for me. I'm like, you're so welcome. Well, lo and behold, I held that elevator door for him. He was a publisher. He became the publisher of my book, True Grit and Grace. And so you never know how just being kind to someone can, you know, I held the door open for him and it opened the door for me. So be kind. Number 7, say yes. Say yes to things and show up giving your best. I talked about that a little bit about how showing up— I had the most incredible publicist. Her name's Jill Siegel. I love this woman. Oh my goodness, she's amazing. And she taught me when I was writing my book, she said, you say yes to everything. When I was launching the book, she goes, you say yes to every opportunity. You say yes to every podcast, every interview, every blog post, say yes. And so for a For a long time now, I've had to learn to say no now to some things. But for a long time, I was like, I said yes. And I remember I was awarded by my friend Jen from Zero Negative. She awarded me this award of like most resilient. She runs a nonprofit for cancer. And I'm like, but I didn't have cancer. And she said, but you got through 34 surgeries. You, you win the award. And I'm like, oh my goodness, thank you. And she goes, well, we have this banquet and on this date. And I'm like, great, I'll be there. She goes, to accept your award, we would love you to give a keynote. And I'm like, oh gosh, what have I got myself into by saying yes to this? Anyway, I show up at the event, you know, it's in the middle of Hollywood and there's a lot of traffic. I get there and I'm like, oh wow, I'm gonna say yes to this. And how it was set up was it was this big open ballroom and there were some people in the back that were just having so much fun. Um, They had a little bit too much to drink and they were kind of loud. And I thought, wow, I have to speak over the calamity in the back and try to get people's attention. I didn't have much really prepared, but I thought, I'm just going to do my best. I said, yes, I'm showing up. I'm going to just speak from my heart. Well, y'all, I didn't know why I was there. What, you know, I thought, oh, okay, I don't know why I said yes to this. I mean, it was nice to get an award. Don't get me wrong. But I actually had a producer after I spoke. And by the way, I had that bully telling me I didn't do a very good job. Well, this producer happened to be an executive producer of The Doctors TV, and she asked me to come on The Doctors and share my story. And I gave her my phone number on a cocktail napkin. And I thought, I don't know if she's really a producer. I don't know if she's ever going to call me. But hey, well, lo and behold, about 3 weeks later, I get a call from The Doctors TV. And that's how I actually got on The Doctors was because I said yes to going and giving this free, you know, keynote that I wasn't getting paid for or anything. I just said yes. You never know what doors can open when you just say yes. But number 8 is something that I have to remind myself quite often. Put you on the top of your to-do list. Now, I don't know about you, but I, I love sticky notes, and I actually love to-do lists because you know why? I like crossing stuff off. It just feels good. So often I'll put like silly stuff on my to-do list because I know I'll be able to cross it off, like water the plants, um, check, check my spam, um, email, like really easy things. But Often I forget to put me on my to-do list. And the thing is, when you take care of yourself, you can serve others more. I mean, I have to admit, I was starting to fail at this and I was starting to not feel good. I was starting to sink into depression. If I don't move my body, I start to get depressed. I had doctors years ago, they were going to put me on antibiotics. I'm on that now. This is why this part of the message is so important, because I wasn't putting myself on— the doctors tried to put me on antidepressants. And actually, I'm on antibiotics right now. And that's why I actually said that. And I'm sharing this because I need to be reminded just as much as I'm reminding you. Um, I started, you know, not skipping the gym a little bit, like not drinking enough water. Um, the one thing I did do was I made sure that I took my supplements, which have changed my pain, inflammation, and helped with my gut health. But by not putting myself on my to-do list, I was starting to skip my workouts. And it's so important to move your body daily because it builds confidence, it changes the way you feel mentally, um, it really shifts your mood, it releases endorphins that combat pain and combat depression. Um, it's like a feel— natural feel-good high for your body that you can do every day. Now look, You don't have to be all crazy with it, but moving your body is something you can do every day. Look, when I was in the hospital, doctors thought I was crazy. I mean, they literally, I think they still do, because I was completely bedridden, had to use a bedpan. But I asked the doctors if I could have a pull-up bar installed over my hospital bed. And the reason being is because I knew if I could just keep my upper body strong and if I could do some light workout with some dumbbells, it would make me feel like I was moving in the right direction. It would make me feel like I did have some control over what was going on. And I knew that mentally it would make me feel better. So it took me getting sick, having an infection to really put me on my to-do list again. And so I've actually started to say no to some things. I was traveling a lot. Thank goodness in-person events are alive and well now, but I have gotten religious about my sleep. I even wear this ring that monitors my sleep and tells me how much deep sleep and REM sleep. I have put a workout on my list, like today. I haven't even checked my emails yet, and it's noon, because I— it was important for me to go to the gym. Now, you might not have a gym membership. It's okay. Do some stuff at home. Thankfully, there are so many free workout videos on YouTube. There are so many things you can do to move your body, even if you're stuck in a hospital bed. You can do what I did and just moved my upper body a little bit. Um, which leads me to step 9, or bullet point 9, I guess I should say. That action builds confidence, but it also combats anxiety. I will tell you that when I was preparing to do my TED Talk, I was so anxious. I knew it was going to be in front of about 2,500 to 3,000 people. I'd never been on a stage that big before. And I would get so anxious. And what really helped me was that— with that is I would go upstairs in my office and I would pace back and forth and say my talk. Now, if I'm feeling anxious about anything, I go out for a walk and get some fresh air. When I'm feeling though a little bit anxious, and I know I've tried to switch it to excited, it's the same kind of feeling. So I tell, I tell myself. It's excitement. But I do push-ups. If any of you have, um, you know, come and met me at a conference or you've seen some of my videos, I do push-ups backstage. I don't care if I'm in a skirt or a suit or whatever. I do push-ups before— every time before I go on stage, and it just makes me feel better. Um, number 10. Obstacles. don't block the path, y'all. They are the path. So I want you to think of those obstacles as opportunities to learn. That fear is something that should fuel you up and you should run towards. You know, the obstacles that I had, like, I felt like at one point, well, my life is done. I'm, I'm diagnosed with CRPS. There's no There's no solution. I, I'm going to be in pain the rest of my life. There's no treatment for this. It's incurable. Those were the things that I was told. And then I started telling myself that. And then I thought, no, this is a way to share how to get through the pain. That's how my book was inspired. That is how I started speaking to hospitals and clinics. That is how I devoted my whole TED Talk On the PACER method, which is a 5-step part to get through physical pain. And so, and I have to share something with you. I'm so proud of my daughter. So Ruby's 13, and I have to admit, I have always wanted her to run track because she loves to run. I mean, she loves to run. She loves to jump. And I would just plant the seed. Ruby, you might like track. I think you'd be really good at track. Well, I didn't want to push that on her. I want her to do what she's called to do. She comes home from school one day and she tells me, Mom, I'm doing track. I have been so excited. She has to get up at 5:45 every morning to get to school on time for her track rehearsal. But there's a lot of kids that run track. And she loves doing hurdles. Well, there's a lot of other kids that do hurdles. So they alternate who gets to go to the track meets. And she really, really wanted to go to a track meet. She finally got to go to a track meet and she was up next to run the hurdles. She prepared for it. She made sure she went to bed early the night before. She packed her— like, she's like, Mom, what's that stuff that you drink? That like Plexus Energy stuff? Can I have some of that? So she packed my hydrate, the gut health, and the energy. I said, you can't have all that energy drink. You can try half of it. And she prepared right before she was up. Thunder and lightning started. They canceled the meet. So she thought, oh, how am I going to get to go to the next meet? Because she knew she wasn't going to be picked for hurdles and that's what she loves doing. So she said, Mom, nobody loves running the 800. Everybody hates running the 800. I said, I know, Ruby. I ran that and that was my least favorite thing to run. It's Because you have to run for a long time and you have to run for a long time fast. So she said, you know what, Mom? I told the coach, hey coach, nobody wants to run the 800. I'll run the 800 for you. So guess what? She used that obstacle of, okay, I'm not going to be able to go to the meet, to how can I get to the meet? And thought outside the box and was willing to do something that nobody else wanted to do that was a little bit harder for her because she knew it would get her to where she wanted to go, that track meet. So again, obstacles don't block the path. They are the path. I'm going to go to her track meet a little later tonight, and I'll give you an update on what place she got. I'm just proud that she got there. So we're almost through these, just a few more, but I want to share these things with you. Number 11, health trumps money. Or things. Y'all, if you don't have your health, you can't enjoy things. You can't do the things that you love. So I talked about, you know, putting you on your to-do list and how to be— take action and, and to have the right mindset about obstacles. But it's so important to really have everything that you can do and to have your health, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. It's what I'm really reminded of because When I don't take care of myself, when I don't take my supplements, I'm more inflamed. If I eat sugar or crap, I'm more inflamed, which will not allow me to walk or work out the way that I want to work out. If I drink alcohol, you know, I'm sober. If I drink alcohol, I feel like it's gone. My health is gone. I lose it all. I lose my relationships. I lose my career. I'm not able to do this podcast. I can't serve people. And so my health is the utmost important thing, and I want it to be the top of your list, right along with you and your health. Really put your health first. I mean, I'm lucky that I've been an athlete my whole life, and I know that movement moves your mind, but really put you on your to-do list. Number 12, both optimism and anxiety They require us to imagine something that hasn't happened yet. So if you have the ability to worry about something, it also means you've got the ability to imagine that something really amazing could happen, or imagine a better life or a better way. Um, so I want you to ask yourself, what's the best thing that could happen? Number 13, there are 2 kinds of pain in this world. There's pain that hurts and there's pain that alters. And I will say that pain has been my greatest teacher. It really threw me into suffering when I started drinking every day, when I could not find a solution for my pain. And then it altered me, and I chose and decided that I wanted a better life. And it's something that I work on every single day. Sobriety is so important to me because without my health and sobriety, I don't have anything. I can't enjoy the relationships that I have with my daughters and my husband. I can't be here for you. And so I don't— I know pain hurts, but you don't have to suffer from it. You can decide to shift your mindset in the easiest way. to do that is to get grateful. It will really change your mindset and allow you to see what's possible. It's alchemy. It really is. It's what changed my life. Um, just having a gratitude practice. I talked about earlier about in the morning things that I do. I have a God squad, and every day we text each other. It's a group of friendly ladies that I have. We're all sober, and we text each other 10 things that we're grateful for every day. So find someone and have a gratitude accountability partner that holds you accountable. Because when you share that gratitude, it magnifies it. Number 14, hope leads you to faith. Faith leads you to courage. And courage is the bridge that takes you from pain to change. All you need is a glimmer of hope. I remember when I was stuck in the hospital bed and I woke up out of a coma and the first thing they told me was, You've got a 1% chance of saving your leg. We're gonna have to amputate it. It's like a war wound. And I thought, well, wait a minute, there's a 1% chance? Well, I'm gonna take that chance. I'm gonna focus on that. And I was telling somebody that the other day, and they're like, that reminds me of the movie Dumb and Dumber. Have you seen that movie? And I'm like, oh, so there's still a chance. But that's all you need is that little glimmer of hope. And that hope really does lead you to faith. And it's that believing that there is a better way, there is a brighter future. It's believing and having faith that there is— there are possibilities and there are chances of you getting better and having joy and happiness. So when you have the courage to start to take action steps to make your life the best that it can be, that is where you see that change. And lastly is— I can't say it enough— practicing gratitude and being of service. Those are the best life hacks ever. If you're feeling down, if you're feeling frustrated, go help somebody. And it helps you in return. Help them because you want to help them, but it takes your mind off of your problems, and it gets you out of any self-pity. When you're grateful, you don't have time to feel sorry for yourself. You're just grateful to be alive, grateful to breathe. When I tell you it's alchemy, it has changed my life. So if you don't already have a gratitude practice, start one. In fact, I have a free gratitude journal. It's a download. So I want to give you that too. It's going to be in the show notes, or you can find it on my website at amberlylago.com. You can also find it on my Instagram at Amberly Lago Motivation. If you want to read or learn all of the 50 lessons, you can find the link. Um, I did a blog on it, uh, 50 Lessons I've Learned in 50 Years, and the link is in the show notes so you can find that blog post. I just wanna say thank you again for tuning into the show. Your support means the world to me. I'm gonna say it's not always easy. To do and produce a podcast every week. Thankfully, I have an amazing producer, Christine. You're amazing. Worthful Media, who helps me with the show. So thank you, Christine Baird. I'm so grateful for you. But it's really you listening and your support and you sharing the podcast that means so much. So let's spread hope and happiness. And encouragement to others. So if you enjoyed this episode, please share it, share it with a friend, or share it on your social media. If you share it, take a screenshot and share it on your social media and tag me, Amberly Lago Motivation, or even if you tag True Grit and Grace, I will see that and I'll share it on my page too. It's all about community and relationships, and that's how we grow our community and our relationships. Thank you again for being here. I appreciate you, and I will see you next week. Bye.