The Power of Surrender and Trust with Jerrid Sebesta

easier to focus on the one negative than it is the positive. And then there's something like an equation of all the numbers of if you can hear one negative comment, one person that leaves a bad review on your book, and then all the other reviews are 5-star reviews and you're focused on the one star or the one-star review that was left. That happened to me.

High achievers like that too. You know, I, if you put, you know, 100 high achievers in a room, how many of you feel inadequate? How many of you feel like you just, you just don't have it figured out? They'll all raise their hand. So I think high achievers are naturally really hard on themselves. And it's interesting, our mutual friend Arjun, you know, let's rewind the tape. A couple of weeks ago, I'm sitting here going like, I don't even know how I'm going to go up on stage here next week. I got 2 big stages next week. How am I going to go up there? Not only just, just get out a talk that is viable so they're not disappointed that they hired me. That's what's going through my mind, right? You got a guy like Arjun saying like, dude, you are— this is your trajectory. It is. And so other people see things in us that we don't, right? And so to answer your question, who do I turn to? I'm getting better at turning and releasing and surrendering and trying to not get rid of that voice, but understand that when that voice is speaking to me and it's loud and it's way down here, if I could just hold on, there's something really powerful coming on the other side of this.

Oh yeah.

And people really relate to that.

Hey, thank you so much for tuning into the Amberly Lago Show. I have a real treat for you today. I am in San Francisco. My good friend Arjun has let me use his studio to record this amazing man. Jared, thank you for being here on the show. I can't wait to share a little bit about your journey.

Yeah.

Y'all, he is a bestselling author, transformational coach. He runs his own events. I was so blessed to at one of your amazing events.

Amazing, yes.

And we're here in San Francisco to speak at Arjun's event, Better Human Project. And I was like, maybe Hashim could get us in and we could get you on the show.

We know people.

Yeah. Yeah. So we pulled some strings and here we are. And your life, I mean, gosh, what are you, 7'2?

No, 6'6, but I show it well.

I carry it well.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, to look at you, you've always got a smile on your face. I've seen you before an event when I know putting events together is crazy and you've got the best attitude and you're so loving and giving and always have a smile on your face and always look so sharp and stand so tall and you've got the family and on the outside everything looks great. And I think there are a lot of people that on the outside, I know I was in that place once where on the outside every, I was trying to hold it all together, but on the inside, I felt broken and my outside didn't match my inside. And I know you have gone through a huge transition and you are helping and inspiring so many people with your book and your speaking and your coaching and all that you do. But what was the moment that was the turning point for you where you were like, wait a minute, this is not in alignment. I know I'm meant for more. I know I can have joy in my life. What was the point of that point for you?

Yeah, I think that those points, it's not just one point. There's probably one big turning point, which I'll mention. So I kind of have 2 dates for you. The first one was January 1st, 2022. It was just over 4 years ago. I was 43 years old. I talk about it in chapter 1 of my book. I share this story from stage. You'll hear this and other people will share this at this event. But this was kind of the time where I was 43. And I, not to sound cliché, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Yeah.

And, uh, I was playing life in a purely defensive posture. I had a lot of success in my life. I realized that my success honestly was just a big coping mechanism. You know, I was, it was running like people are fight or flight. I'm flight.

Mm-hmm.

And so there was so much uncertainty that I was raised with, and I'm not, trust me, I'm not blaming my parents. I'm not blaming my childhood, but because of that, I developed this mindset of just running away. And I got so tired of it. In fact, I said to my wife on a walk on New Year's Day, 2022, on a snowy gravel road in Minnesota, I said, I'm done. She goes, done? I said, I'm done playing small. I'm done playing defense. I'm done running away. I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted. You know what I mean? And again, to your point, on the outside, you never guess it. And when I share these stories, people are, they're like, really? There's something going on on the inside? So that was the biggest turning point. I'll share another one with you. No kidding. 3 weeks ago, 3 weeks ago, you know, I'm sitting in my home, January again in Minnesota, and I'm sitting here going, do I even have a message? Like, do I even have anything? You know, up at 3 o'clock in the morning, you know, and my wife can hear, you know, can sense that I'm kind of scurrying around, pacing around. And she asked me, she goes, what are you afraid of?

Hmm.

And I said, I'm afraid I don't have anything. I'm afraid I don't have a message. I'm afraid I don't have a business. And that's not a, that's not the end of the world, but when you're 47, 4 kids, and it, you know, you feel the weight of the world and the world's getting kind of weirder, you know, as we speak, I, it makes me afraid. And, uh, just recently I had, uh, you know, a couple of really cool opportunities to share and speak from stage. And, and I'm like, forget about trying to like hit a home run. I just, I just want to be able to go up there and not, you know, not freak out on stage and not, you know, Oh, I've got to show my truth. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I got just, I just want to not trip as I go on stage.

Like some people are kind of like, I wish, I wish I could do what you do. You know, I just go and talk for an hour and get paid. Trust me, I don't wish this on your, my worst enemies because it messes with your head. You know, like nothing messes with your head more than you kind of having an anxiety attack at 3 o'clock in the morning and 4 hours later you're on stage in front of a couple hundred people. telling them how to live their life. That messes with you like that, that deeply messes with your soul. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And so I had, I had another moment, you know, where I was like, I don't even know if I have anything. And then I had these moments on stage over the last couple of weeks, and they were the most powerful moments from stage. And then all of a sudden the belief comes back. Right. And so you have this breakthrough that always follows this like incredible low, like this incredible pressure that you feel on the inside that probably nobody would ever know unless you articulated it.

Yeah.

And then there's these things that happen, these, these, you know, these opportunities, the, these things that come out of nowhere, these, um, uh, you know, these, um, um, you know, coincidences, and they, they, they, they hyper-accelerate your belief. And so I've had those moments. I mean, there's been several big ones, but they kind of, they kind of happen a lot, you know? And so you see these cycles in your belief, and then there's a breakthrough, and then there's Then you go down into the depths and you're fighting with your own self-doubt. And then there's something that happens. You believe again. And every time you have this, you kind of go through this circle. You come back a little bit more authentic, a little bit more powerful, a little bit more who you actually are. And I'm just learning to engage with that now instead of running away from it, which is what I did for literally the first 4 decades of my life.

Well, thank you for sharing that and being vulnerable about that, because so many people get caught up in their ego and I would never admit that I get afraid or I'm afraid or I'm up at 3 o'clock in the morning. I don't know why, but it's when I go to bed a lot of times that I'm in bed and I'm like, oh my goodness, I'm about to speak in front of 3,000 people. And I get, I feel my heart start going. And in those moments for me, I turn to God and I'm like, God, God's got this. You know? And I so relate to You saying how you ran, because I ran my whole life and I always say that, you know, that pain pushes you. It just pushed me and pushed me until purpose pulled me. What do you do at 3 o'clock in the morning when you've— you're having this panic attack? Who do you turn to? I mean, I love your wife. She's an amazing lady. But who do you turn to?

Yeah.

What do you do in those moments? Because I'm sure there are a lot of people that are sitting out there going, well, gosh, he's talking about that. I do the same thing. How do you get through it?

It's 3 o'clock in the morning for me. I don't know why, you know, like you get that, the haunting of the 3 o'clock hour. And there was a period again, I was going through that a couple of weeks ago where it was like, I'm so exhausted by the end of the day. I just can't wait to go to sleep. Why? Because it shuts this thing off, right?

Yeah.

But yet at the same time, I'm like, I'm afraid to wake up because I know as soon as I wake up, that thought's going to come and I've got to deal with the darkness, you know? And it would come at like 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning. And I have to— who do I turn to? Of course, I turn to a higher power. I turn to God. And, and I'm not— I'm getting better at doing that sooner. And there's surrender, trust, right? That's part of the equation that I teach. Like, there, there has to be work, there's doing, there's effort, right? But then at the same time, there has to be surrender. There has to be release. It's not us. It's not up to us to figure it out, right?

Mm-hmm.

It's not even that God will figure it out. He already has it figured out. And my, my wife is really good at saying this, and I hate when she says this. She says, what would Jared tell you right now? You know, because my, you know, the ego, the fear wants to sulk, wants to, you know, sit in that self-pity, you know, wants to complain, wants to share all the things that are, that are wrong. It's kind of like feeding the beast almost, you know.

So I think we're wired like it's easier to focus on the one negative than it is the positive. And then there's something like an equation of all the numbers of if you can hear one negative comment, one person that leaves a bad review on your book, and then all the other reviews are 5-star reviews, and you're focused on the one star or the one-star review that was left. That happened to me.

Well, high achievers like that too. You know, I— if you put, you know, 100 high achievers in a room, how many of you feel inadequate? How many of you feel like you just, you just don't have it figured out? They'll all raise their hand. So I think high achievers are naturally really hard on themselves. And it's interesting, our mutual friend Arjun. Let's rewind the tape. A couple of weeks ago, I'm sitting here going like, I don't even know how I'm going to go up on stage here next week. I got 2 big stages next week. How am I going to go up there and not only just get out a talk that is viable so they're not disappointed that they hired me? That's what's going through my mind, right?

Mm-hmm.

You got a guy like Arjun saying like, dude, you are— this is your trajectory. And so other people see things in us that we don't, right? And so to answer your question, who do I turn to? I'm getting better at turning and releasing and surrendering and trying to not get rid of that voice, but understand that when that voice is speaking to me and it's loud and that's way down here, if I can just hold on, there's something really powerful coming on the other side of this.

Oh yeah.

And people really relate to that. Really relate to that.

Well, yeah, I think that, um, every time I go through a painful situation or anything hard or challenging, it really, you know, I, I feel like I'm always a, a humble person, but it, it really humbles you.

Absolutely.

You know, and it reminds you, it reminds me to get on my knees. And so I, it's what I do every morning and I've gotten better at it because I would want to like, I can do it. I can take care of it. I just self-will. And I'm like, that is not going to work out. Like, I need to get—

It will only get you so far, and it will get you really, really tired, and, and you will be capped as to what you can achieve on your own. But, you know, again, you're, you're understanding, uh, you're, you're farther ahead in this process of understanding that if you can surrender to how life is trying to mold and shape you Life won't feel so punishing and scary. That's not how I looked at it for the first 43 years. I always had my head on a swivel. I was always trying to look for the next fire I have to put out. I always have to look for the next problem that I have to solve. You know what I mean? It's exhausting.

Yeah.

It's exhausting. And then I started to see like, huh, is it possible that my life is actually conforming in such a way? Because this world looks chaotic. It just does. But is it possible That it's actually perfectly harmonized and it's actually coming together in such a way that it goes beyond my own understanding to actually help elevate me and become somebody that I'm supposed to be. I think that it is. And so if you have that mind switch, then when the tragedy strikes, when the difficulty comes, the challenges arise, right? You see it and you receive it. I think there's powerful— I teach this. Do you have the audacity to receive those challenges? Not just endure them, not just put up with them, receive them with honor. And that's a really interesting concept. Don't try to pray 'em away. Receive them with honor because there's something here that's trying to help you get to the next level. And that's been a big shift for me and that's really helped me.

That's really good. And I like how you said, don't try to pray them away. Um, my grandfather always said, you've got a shovel in your hand. You can lean on it and pray for a hole, or you can start digging. Meaning like, yeah, it's good to pray, but you gotta do the work.

Sure.

Faith without works is dead. And so, um, I, I love that you say that. Do you find that you're getting— it's starting to get easier to shift your mindset to that? Because I always think when something bad happens, that, or something that I really don't want, or something that you're not expecting, I'm like, you know, it is easy. You go to the place of, oh gosh, I can't believe this is happening.

Yes.

But even like, you know, when I, I just recently broke my foot and I had this big event that I was speaking at and I was on the phone with my mom and I was like, yeah, this is really slowing me down. And my mom goes, well, maybe this is God's way of finally slowing you down. And I said, well, you know, he could leave me a little love note or something. And she goes, well, He knows you probably wouldn't read it. And I'm like, you're right. You know, but I always look like, okay, what is this teaching me? Sorry. What are the questions you ask yourself when you come up against a challenge or something that you really don't like? What are some of the things you ask yourself to shift your perspective? Sure.

Well, I think you nailed it again. What is this trying to teach me? That's the obvious one. You know, there, at least especially in Christian circles, it's like never pray for patience. If you pray for patience, buckle up.

Oh, that's the first you're gonna get all kinds of.

But I mean, there, there's, you know, it's interesting because It's so trivial. You'll see, you'll say things like, oh gosh, I just wish I was more patient. Then you'll get stopped at every single stoplight and then you'll curse. Oh yeah. You'll curse at every single one and wonder why you're getting hit with the stoplight. So it takes a tremendous amount of awareness. And I would even say audacity. What you're suggesting is audacious because what you're suggesting is that I'm getting hit with something pretty sizable, a challenge like a broken foot. And you've gotta now go up on stage in front of thousands of people. And not just endure it with a positive attitude, cuz some people will accuse, you know, people like us, like, well, I'm just trying to be more positive. Well, listen, that's not what we're talking about.

I'm actually just laughing at myself. Like, I really, I'm like, oh well, I'm setting a new trend.

Correct. But that is an outflow of you embodying something new. Again, if I look at how I operated, I operated out of pessimism and, uh, contempt and anger and bitterness, and that was the outflow. So as soon as this challenge hit, what was the fruit that was being produced? Anger, bitterness, contempt, negativity.

Yeah.

Right? And so, you ask the question like, am I getting better? Yes, but I'm still not there. I'm a lot more patient than what I was. I'm a lot more aware than what I was. I would say that those moments are just that. They're moments or maybe bad days.

Yeah.

Before, it used to be seasons. Perhaps it was entire years, right? And I'm learning. This is the thing that gets me when I get down in the dumps. I know enough now. I know too much, Amberly. I know too much because I know that if I sit in this too long, I'm actually repelling the ability to receive something bigger and bolder and better. You know what I mean? And so that is what allows me to click out of it.

Yeah.

If I truly believe that this world, the universe, God, I, I call it God, whatever word you want to use. If he's trying to give me something, And I'm sitting down here in like this level 1 energy down in the dumps, you know, sulking in self-pity. He can't— I'm closing the door to receive those things. And that's what really motivates me to try to pull out of that.

Do you have people in your life that help you kind of pull out of that?

Yes, I do. I have 2 people. But they're from different ends of the spectrum, right? Of course, you have my wife who's the encourager.

She is.

She is. I married a gem. Okay, please don't edit this out. I'll make her listen to this. She is a gem. She plays the long game. She sees the long game in everything.

You know what? I just have to say, she is a true gem.

Yeah.

Because you know what? She not only shows up to your events, she cheers you on, and she will— she got on stage. And she told me beforehand how she did not want to get on stage and she did it because that's how much she loves you. And she came to the VIP party.

Yeah.

Just saying that for you, Johnny, if you're watching this.

Well, I was her ride home, so she kind of had to.

Because, you know, I, I have, I've actually learned, like, you know, there's certain people that are cheerleaders, certain people that are like, Um, I guess the motivators, certain people that will call us out, certain people that are—

She'll do that.

You know, that's good. And they all have different roles. And I, I used to get upset because I was like, my husband doesn't want to come to my VIP event. He doesn't want to come to my— it's not his thing. He supports me in so many other ways. And I've had to learn to like, okay, he supports me with this and I'm Grateful.

You don't want to be married to somebody with Amberly energy.

We are totally opposite.

Yeah, you don't want that.

Yeah. No, again, yeah, you don't want it. Nobody needs this kind of energy.

Stop it. Stop it. You asked the question, are there people that help me? Yes, I have my wife who's the, who's the rock. And then on the other end of the spectrum, and I, and I, and I feel okay sharing this because I wrote about her in my book and she knows this, it's my second daughter Everly.

Really?

Who was also at my event. But now she's the, she's the, she's the button pusher, right?

She's awesome. She's like, how old?

Well, she's now 11, right? She's a lot like 21. Yeah, 27 plus, right? Uh, and she is, she is the one person in my life that takes me to the edge, right? There's more parental horsepower on her than all of my other children combined. Like, she— I joke from stage, you'll hear this tomorrow— um, she is, she's like the one child child that makes me realize why some animals eat their young.

Like, wow, that is hilarious.

She is like— she came out of the womb different, I promise you. Like, I kid you, I can tell now.

I've met her.

She came out of the womb, and I literally on Facebook, because it keeps getting— my memory keeps coming up on her birthday every single year, I said 24 hours outside of the womb with Everly, I said, uh, first night with the new baby, dot dot dot, yikes. That's what I said, because I'm like, wow, we're on this one's journey. And from the moment she has been born, she has taken us on a ride. Turns out she has ADHD, which is not a— it's not a handicap. Uh, this, this will be her— this will— so I sort of want— yeah, to some extent we're all—

we're all kind of— Thought you did. Just saying.

We're, we're all undiagnosed. And, uh, but that will be her superpower. She will change the world, um, 100%. But she pushes my buttons like, like no one else. And there have been so many times, especially in those first 6 to 8 years of her life, and I admit this in the book, where I loved her, but I did not like her because of the strife and the division that she created and the, um, the atmosphere that was created in our home.

Mm-hmm.

And again, because of her brain condition, she can't regulate emotion very well. And I was raised in an environment where the emotions were all over the place. So it's very triggering to me. And inevitably I would get triggered and I'd say to my wife, I'm like, can you believe you talk to me like that? You know, disrespecting man of this house, you know? And my wife would very gently remind me that her behavior mimics exactly my behavior. And so I have learned, this is, I have learned that the people that trigger us the most, they trigger us because they're reflecting something that needs correcting in us.

That's so good.

The reason why it triggers us isn't because of their behavior. It's because it's revealing something inside of us that needs correction. And so does she still drive me up a wall? Yes. Yes, she still drives me up a wall, but I'm getting better. And so I have these personalities in my home. You know, you got your rock as my wife, you know, and you have kids and they all have different personalities. And then you have this Everly who is kind of this, this person that, uh, you know, she's the, uh, the sanctification child.

Yeah. Yeah.

Like, is there— and it's interesting too. And again, I share this from stage, and, and Everly and I have a very, very deep relationship, but this is a true story. She was the only one of my children that was not planned. Now, I'm not saying she wasn't wanted. She just wasn't planned.

And she was a good surprise.

Is it possible Again, this is a rhetorical question, but is it possible that God knew, God knew that I needed a child in my life at this very specific time that's just like me, that was going to take me to the edge, literally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, all the things? So not to punish me, but to actually help me identify things in my own heart that needed correction and healing so I could actually become somebody more and actually receive something greater? And I choose to believe that the answer is yes.

I believe that too. Yeah. And I think it's great. It's such a good reminder that if somebody's triggering you and you wanna point your finger at them, there's 3 fingers pointing right back at you because, you know, because it really, it does. I've got a couple of family members. That trigger me. And I'm like, it's really been a good thing because it has really forced me to dive more into my own healing and self-development. And it's a journey for sure.

I'll give— I'll get— not to interrupt, I'll give you a really quick tool for you and for people listening. For people that really trigger you in that moment, because it has to happen in that moment, like that's— it's in that moment where like somebody says something and you want to fire back. Pause, stop, don't do anything. You know what I mean? Like, you're wired, right? Your neurology is wired to, like, fire back and say something, right? In that moment, if you can just stop and pause and then, like, be thankful that they're there, say, what a pleasure, what a gift. Because the truth is, is that my daughter is a gift. She's a gift. That's the truth. That's the truth, capital T, right? And then respond, don't react. We get ourselves into trouble when we're, we're just in this constant state of reacting, which again, if I look back, that was the way that I lived for the first 43 years of my life. It was just a constant state of reacting to the world around me.

Mm-hmm.

Can you stop? Say what a gift she is, or this person is, or this, even this situation, even this challenge. What a gift that you have this broken foot. It's bizarre to say that and say, how can I respond and not just react? And if I can follow that framework, boy, then Then I— then you harvest the lessons because that's why you're— that's why these people are here. This is why you have these situations, to harvest some lessons. And the best way I know how to do that is to do— is to follow that very simple process.

Yeah, that's good. Well, I, I'll tell you some advice I got years ago when I got sober. Um, my sponsor told me my ex-husband— we've been divorced for 30 years and It's been a journey. And she said, well, you need to pray for him. And I was like, ugh.

Anything but that.

Pray for him? Seriously? But you know what? I did every day and it worked. So I'm just saying it works. Pray for them. And even if you don't believe it at first, it does start to work. Well, I know we're running out of time. I know we're running out and I got so many other questions for you.

We got through like one question.

I know. Well, I wanna talk about burnout cuz there's a lot of people, um, that are, they feel like burnt, they're burnt out. They are not excited to wake up. And I mean, even for me, I changed so much in my business this year and I'm not kidding you. It's the first time in a while that I wake up and I'm like excited to wake up. And, and I used to kind of get annoyed at people like, oh yeah, you're excited to wake up. And I'm not saying I jump outta bed.

Sure.

Because I hobble out of bed. To be honest, but I am excited about the day, but I've changed a lot. Um, I feel like last year I was kind of on the brink of burnout because I was doing a lot.

Join the club.

Yeah. Well, and you talk about burnout, like being related, like maybe it's a misalignment, but what, how do you differentiate between somebody saying they're burned out and they're like misaligned or they're just really tired? How do you tell the difference?

That's a great question. I experienced the same thing last year. 2025 was an incredible year, and I'm very proud of myself. I'm proud of that guy because he just went all in. He was doing events and he was traveling and speaking and coaching and doing the whole thing. But as I got to the end of 2025, and that probably led into some of the darkness a little bit at the beginning of 2026, I'm like, I don't even know if I can recreate that, let alone try to 2x it. You know what I'm saying?

The thing is though, I don't, I don't think people realize how much goes into an event.

Just that. Yeah.

I mean, I've done an annual event for, it'll be 6 years now, and I will end an event and then finish paying off the hotel. And the next week I'm already signing a contract for a new event.

Yeah.

It's like, it's like planning. It's more than planning any wedding I've ever had. And I've been married 3 times.

It's so fucking— well, again, to answer your question, is it, is it just I'm tired or am I out of alignment? That's a great question. That's a great question. Like, because how do you know? I think, again, feeling the pressure of trying to rise to the occasion is good. Getting to a point where, for me personally, it was when I saw the joy starting to go down.

Mm-hmm.

When the joy, when the, Because you said, I jump out of bed and I know you don't mean that literally, but it's your spirit. I'm excited.

Your spirit, your joy, filled with joy.

And then I hit a point where I'm like, this is not fun anymore. And I could feel myself slipping into a place where I'm like, I don't, I don't want to do this. Like, and if I'm, if I, my heart is not in it, I don't want to do it. And you know what did it for me was actually pulling away and like taking my whiteboard that I was so proud of that was filled with all of these goals and ambitions and intentions that I teach. This is what I teach people. And I erased about 3 quarters of them. I said, I'm just going to focus on these. And then I had the surrender. That's another piece, right? So you got to be aligned, but then you need the surrender piece. And I, and then all of a sudden I started sleeping through the night just like that. And then, Amberly, then all of a sudden these people started popping into my movie that were going to take those things that were left on my wall to the next level that didn't exist in my movie before. And I'm like, ah, God had to take me to a point where I actually had to strip away some of the excess.

Yeah.

Before he could then release the people in my life that I needed to then take what was left and build it the way that it should be built. Right.

And so, exactly.

There's a stripping away, and sometimes we need to strip away, or sometimes God will do it. I lost my identity right after I launched my book, which was like one of the worst days of my life. And I look back at it and I was like, I needed, I needed that stripping away. I needed that course correction in my own identity.

Mm-hmm.

And so I, for, for me, it's when that joy goes down, do you have the audacity to really have that hard conversation, maybe pull back on a few things to where you feel peace and then be open to receive what needs to happen for those things to actually take you to the next level? Because as a high achiever, we don't want to erase stuff off our whiteboard.

Oh, exactly. We want to do it all. I want to do it all. I'll do this, this, this, this. Yep. I'll do that coaching program. I'll do that community. I'll do this mastermind and that retreat and that event and then be in the hospital. I mean, I think we were going to record virtually. We were going to record virtually.

We were going to do this show like 3 years ago.

No, we were going to record virtually and I don't know. I was sick. I think I was in the hospital.

I'm not laughing because it's real.

Yeah.

And, uh, again, this is full disclosure because, uh, and I don't share this, I don't share this online a lot. You came to my event last November and it was so much fun. I'm so thankful, but I gotta tell you, I don't know how I didn't end up hellaciously ill or in the hospital at the end of 2025. And then I felt my joy started to get sucked outta me in the early 2026. And I'm like, Jared, I think you need to take a little break. I don't mean take a break. Good for you though. It's not take a break. It's like reevaluate realignment. That's what it was. Reevaluate the business that I actually want to build, that I can scale. That's right. That's right.

That you want to build.

Yes.

That brings you joy.

Yes. Because if you, if you do this on Instagram for like, I don't know, 5, 10 seconds, this thing will have you convinced that you need to be out there doing everything.

Yeah.

Building everything. Scale, scale, push, push, push. Yes, but the way that you want it built, that's in alignment to you. And when I did that, I felt tremendous peace. And then again, people started popping into my movie out of nowhere, air quotes, that were there, that I need to build this the right way.

Yeah.

So it's just being super aware and being able to surrender it.

Well, that's one thing we're going to do this event with Arjun is encourage people to get radically honest with themselves. And if you want a successful business, it starts from the inside because you can achieve all these things. You can do all these things. If you are not internally in alignment and in a place where you can sustain that, your joy is going to go away. And so I think it's good to, When I wrote my book, Joy Through the Journey, I was like, I can't write this until I spark some more joy because I was feeling kind of on the brink of, I'm doing what and I got what deadline. And so it was very—

It's a great indicator. Your, your joy. Again, listeners, do a heart check, do an inventory of where your joy is. As we get older, Amberly, our joy should be going up. Yeah, it should. It shouldn't be going down. If you're, if, if your joy's going down as you get older and as you build, Something's off.

Yeah. Well, and I'm so sensitive to the word should now because our friend Dr. Amina's here in the studio with us and we have a little, we have an audience today. And Brian Bogart, my friend, would say, don't say should. Don't should all over yourself. That's what, so now every time I hear that word, I'm like, oh, I can't say that word.

Well, how would you rephrase that?

Need. Or can, I don't know.

So our joy, our joy can go up.

Yeah, our joy can go up. Our joy needs to go up.

There you go.

You know?

Right.

Yeah.

Right. Yeah. What's the alternative? You turn into the old crusty person that gets, you know—

I know.

I know, I know. That's the thing we do. We do. And I know—

And I'm like, I am not going to be an old crusty person.

We laugh, but it's true. They're, they're in our family, probably. Wow. I know. I don't know. Because we're that age.

Okay. Well, I appreciate you being so open and honest and just sharing the real, like what it's really like being a high achiever and those moments that take you down and how you get out of those moments. Um, just like moments that kind of get us down sometimes. I feel like sometimes our courage can get knocked out of us, our confidence can get knocked out of us. When you feel like you have your confidence knocked out of you, what is one thing that you do to, yeah, like get your confidence up again?

Well, I would, I would equate confidence to belief, right? So it's like if our confidence is down, that means our self-belief is down. And so what I encourage people to do is like, whatever you're doing, just go all in. Because when life beats you up, your confidence goes down, your belief goes down. You could be probably interchangeable words, right? Michael, Mike Tyson has a quote. He goes, everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the face.

Right? Yeah. Yeah.

And life will punch you in the face. If you're in business, you're gonna get your face kicked in. You know what I mean? Like if you're trying to sell something, you're gonna get a lot of nos, rejection, and then the, then the imposter syndrome flares up. Yeah. And you think you're a failure. And at 3 o'clock in the morning, you're pacing around your house wondering what you're doing. I've been there, done that. Right? So what I encourage people to do is just go all in, pick one, go all in, not 99, 100%, go 100% all in. And if you do that, there's going to be some sort of aligned action that's going to be a result. And if you do that over time, you'll see a new result. And that new result will then do what to your belief and confidence? It'll make it go up.

Mm-hmm.

Right? So like the antidote isn't like, just, I don't know how to believe more. Like, do I just white-knuckle it? Come on. I've done that. It doesn't work. Right? I could try to pray for more belief, but you know, that's, That's hard to measure. And so when I'm down here, I'm like, all right, Jared, let's just buckle up. And like, you gotta talk next week. You just bring it. You just bring it.

Yeah.

And you surrender it and you go up there and it's not about you and you just bring it and you just try to be a channel of truth and light. And by golly, what happens? Boom. It goes really well. You see a new result, right? And then what happens to my belief and confidence? Mm-hmm. Goes up. So I just challenge your listeners to go all in.

I think sometimes, uh, people think that they have to wait until they're confident to take that action, and it's just the opposite. You have to take the action and the confidence comes.

But you have to go all in, right? And so this, this, this equation only works if you go 100% in. Now, the problem with that is, is that if you've been kicked in the face and you're, you're all bloodied up because of life beat you up, right? you will be very hesitant to do it 100%.

Yeah.

Right. And so, this equation works only if you go into the land of 100%. So, I would challenge your listeners, what does it look like for you guys to go all in? What does it look like? Is there something you haven't done in your business, an unturned stone, so to speak, right? Is there something that you are You're doing, but not to its fullest extent. I think a lot of people don't get what they want outta life because they, they're just kind of, they've got their toe dipped in a couple of spots and as soon as it doesn't work, then we just kind of pull outta there and try this and, and just like, just pick one. Yeah. But what if, yeah, but yeah, but what if it's the wrong one? The right and wrong decision doesn't live in the land of all in. Mm-hmm. It's right because you go all in.

Yeah.

And even if, even if it doesn't air quotes work out, it will open some door. It will create a connection. Something will happen that will take you to the next level, but that only happens when you go all in. So again, confidence, all of it, resilience, go all in.

What is your definition of resilience?

Resilience to me is an offshoot of surrender. So resilience and surrender to me, I use interchangeably, right? I build resilience. It's not something that I conjure up. It's something that is a result of me surrendering. And then God allows me to experience things and I grow because of them. And that's, I think, how we would probably define resilience.

Oh, that's beautiful. I love that. I've never heard that defined, resilience defined like that before. That's beautiful. Okay. We are just about outta time, so I have a couple of, um, quick speed rounds. Okay. All right. This or that.

This or that.

Okay. Okay. You ready?

Sure.

Uh, plan it out or wing it?

Oh, plan it out. I'm too much Type A.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, I do both. I think I do.

You know, it's crazy because I'll say, I'll say plan it out and then I just, you know, I'll go into something and be like, we'll just wing it. Yeah. Like this interview.

Clearly I had it all the questions written out. I haven't asked any of them. Uh, security or freedom?

Oh man. Gosh, I love my freedom.

Process or results?

Probably process because there, that is my Type A type of scenario coming through.

Okay. Discipline or motivation?

Discipline.

Me too. Faith or fear?

Wow. Faith.

Okay. Risk big or play it safe?

Uh, the first 40 years of my life, play it crazy safe to fault. And now I'm learning to love kind of the uncertainty of life.

Okay. I love that. Build fast or build right? I know you're Type A. High achiever. I know.

I know.

I like to go fast, but I know I've gotta trust.

I'm learning to love to build fast because I'm believing now more than ever that you can make these massive shifts. And what, what, what some people say would take decades to build, why does it have to take a decade?

Yeah.

Can it take 6 months? What if we could do it in a month?

Yeah. I think it depends on what we're building too.

Correct. But I'm learning to, I'm learning to love the, The big wins.

Yeah. Money or meaning?

Oh man. Well, I'm really tripping. I, I, I'm learning to double down on my purpose, on why God put me here. And as a result, I'm making more money and I really enjoy both, to be honest with you. I'm okay with both.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Deferred or undiffered?

Undiffered.

Yeah.

Undiffered.

You guys check out his book, Life Undeferred, who I actually read your book and I read it again because you first reached out to me and I wrote praise for your book.

That's right.

And now I get to sit here and interview you.

I would've never have guessed when we connected, when I reached out, you barely knew who I was and I, you graciously wrote a blurb for me and now we get to cross paths all over the country. It's really awesome. I know. That was not, by the way, that did not just happen. That was something that was an intention that was set, and that's something I believe was going to happen. And I told you a year ago, I said, Amberly, we're going to share the stage someday. And I was just this little peon down here in your way. And I said, Amberly, we're going to share the stage someday. And here we are.

Here we are.

Yeah.

Well, I just love you, my friend. You're amazing.

Likewise.

You're doing amazing work. Thank you for being on the show. Tell everybody where they can see you speak on stage or be a part of your event. And grab your book.

Sure.

And where you hang out most on social media.

Uh, I'm on all of them for the most part, but, uh, LinkedIn, Instagram, my favorite, just my handle is my name, jaredsebasta.com.

Okay. Anything coming up?

Well, I mean, I, I get, I get around. I do a lot of private, I do a lot of private stuff, uh, off the record. I'm gonna hold off to probably later this year to do, do another live event.

Yeah.

It's coming. It's coming when the time, when the time is right.

Well, I'll be there.

I know.

Just so you know.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah. I will be there. I can do B-roll for you. I can whatever you need.

Well, I mean, I want to, I want to be your hype man. I want to follow you around.

Well, come on, let's do it. Come to the Unstoppable Success Summit.

I love Texas. I want to go to Texas more.

Yeah, come on. Well, thank y'all for tuning into the show. And I just love when you share it on your social media, tag me, Jared, and we will see you next week.