How to Build a Life That Feels Aligned with Jennifer Mentesana

How do you find the resilience and the grit to keep moving through struggles, through challenges, through— and to keep going?

First, find what it is that you're good at. You may not know what you're passionate about, you know, all the things that you're capable of, but find just one thing that you're good at and start there. And from there, if you start focusing on that and you feel something inside of your belly that makes you come alive, That's when you know that you're on the right path.

What is the difference between busy and being in alignment that's moving the needle on the business? What does that look like?

This is a big problem in society, and I see a lot of women, especially in my community, filling their days with things that they think are productive and make them— and what I see is that it's allowing themselves to not focus On whatever it is that they're called to do. There are a lot of women that I know that are like, I'm good, I'm happy, I'm just gonna live my life and do my thing. Good for you, great. But if you have a goal, if you have a dream and you are on a mission to accomplish something, you need to fill 80% of your day with the things that you are good at, that move the needle, that allow you to be in your zone of genius. And that is where the magic happens for Well, hey there.

Welcome back to the Amberly Lago Show. Thank you for being here. You are going to want to lean in and take notes because I have a real treat for you today. My good friend Jen Mentisana is here. She is an author. She's an entrepreneur. She does retreats. She does events. I am so honored to be able to speak at her event coming up soon. And she's going to tell us about how to really step into your purpose. She has been through reinvention. the ups and downs of entrepreneurship, and she's here to share her wisdom, her experience, strength, and hope. So, Jen, thank you for being on the show. Thank you for being here.

Amberly, this is a dream come true, as you know. I mean, ever since the day I met you, I have been dying to just be in your world, connect with you, support you in every way. And I cannot believe I was here 3 years ago watching some other unstoppable ladies. in this room, and I feel like this is a full circle moment. So thank you so much for having me.

Well, thank you. We've been trying to get you on the show for a while and just tell everybody so they know, like, a little bit of how different you were. What is this new version of you? Because when people see you, even on social media, or they see the events that you do, the communities that you gather, you've got this bestselling book. But it wasn't always that easy. It wasn't that way. Explain the difference between where you were and where you are now. Like, what was that transformational journey like?

It has been a journey, and I think so much of it— I mean, it, it really goes back over 15 years when I became a life coach for the first time.

Mm-hmm.

Um, and I think I was on that journey for a long time of self-discovery and self-development, but I didn't really step into who I truly am until I met you.

Oh.

Until you looked me in the eye and said, I see you doing all of these things. And I was like, that has always been a dream to me, but I never thought I was capable of that. So sometimes it takes someone else seeing in you what you don't believe you're capable of. And so I think that journey over the last 3 years of stepping into that version of myself that I've always been, and we all have the capability of doing that, but until someone else believes in you first, sometimes you can't have the courage to then step forward and step into those roles. And so now, in the last 3 years, because of you, I've started a podcast. Because of you, I wrote a bestselling book. You wrote the foreword for my book. And I have been speaking on stages for the past year and a half. And that is really what was my dream ultimately. I wanted to be a broadcast news anchor and that didn't happen. And so I went down a totally different path.

Mm-hmm.

I had an epiphany in the middle of the night and said, I'm 52 years old. If not now, when? And I woke up and said, something starts today. And my first phone call was to you.

Oh my goodness. And by the way, I forgot to mention, we have a live studio audience with us today. Big hand for the studio audience. But they were like, oh, they so resonated with what you just said. If not now, then when? I was just talking to a friend this morning. about somebody who had passed away. And he's like, yeah, you just never know. And it's like, yeah, what are we waiting for? You only live once. It's time to go. But what would you tell somebody who maybe has the fear of— and they, they're like, I want to do this, but I am just too afraid?

I totally get that. And there's definitely— when you look at this huge thing that you want to do, sometimes that's too much. And I always say to my clients, take just the first step. step, because that, for, for anyone, is doable. You don't have to know the path forward. You just need to take the next step toward that goal. And so for me, literally, when I woke up in the middle of the night and had all these visions of myself dancing on a stage as a little girl, and then performing in my middle school play, and then speaking on a stage in high school, and then going to be a broadcast journalist, and then abandoning that— and that's a whole other story— But when I had those visions, I woke up the next morning and I said, okay, well, I can't go back and be a broadcast news anchor at 52. I mean, I don't think anyone's gonna hire me with no experience, so that's not happening. But what can I do? And so the first thing that popped into my head was, well, I could start a podcast. Anyone can start a podcast. Mm-hmm. I don't know how to do it, but that's okay. I'm just gonna start researching. And just that, I didn't have to tell anybody, just that First step was all it took to start the path to go down to researching, to find, you know, podcasters that were doing what I wanted to do. Mm-hmm. And that's the first thing. Find the person that you is doing the thing that you wanna do and follow them and study them and watch their path and what they went through. Don't just look at the highlight reels, look at what it took and start taking those first steps. And then the momentum takes over, the passion takes over, and soon you're down the road and you're actually doing it. Mm-hmm.

Yes, you are doing it. Your podcast is amazing. But also, you are such an incredible speaker. I remember, was it 2 or 3 years ago that you spoke at the Unstoppable event? Was it 3 years?

No, actually, I think it was not last year, the year before. So 2 years.

Yes.

But you captivated the audience because you feel your heart and your, your passion. What do you think it takes to— because it's not easy. People told me like, oh, starting a pod— it's hard to do a podcast. It takes a lot of grit. And I'm like, I got grit. I can do that. But you really have to be passionate about it because there is a lot of things that go on behind the scenes. How do you find the resilience and the grit to keep moving through struggles, through challenges, through— Or, and, and to keep going?

This is what I speak about a lot, and it's what I speak to my clients about and what I help them work through is first find what it is that you're good at. You may not know what you're passionate about, what you're, you know, all the things that you're capable of, but find just one thing that you're good at and start there. And from there, if you start focusing on that and you feel something inside of your belly that makes you come alive, that's when you know that you're on the right path. And so if you can stay in that, the times that it's difficult, the times that you're struggling, and believe me, I'm not saying the last 3 years have been all rockets and rainbows. I mean, literally it has been a struggle and it takes grit and confidence no matter if it's getting on stages or starting a podcast or even starting a business, it takes grit. But if you can stay in your why and why you're doing the thing that you're doing, it can get you through that. It can get you through the struggles. And I mean, I also, I mean, You and I both talk about this a lot. I mean, it's about my relationship with God. It's about going back to that every single time when I'm questioning my purpose and is this really for me? That's when I go have a conversation and I get real and he always brings me back to my path.

Yeah, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. And yeah, that's one of my favorite prayers. I think it's my favorite prayer is the Serenity Prayer because I can get in my own way. And my mom will always say, Amberly, you are your own worst And I'm like, thanks, Mom. I don't want to be my own enemy anymore. And so how important is it to you, or what role has it played in your life to have— speaking of like your own cheerleader or other people that can support you along the way— how important has that been for your journey to have people that you can confide in, that can cheer you on, that can be in your corner?

It's absolutely necessary. I mean, I think if you don't have— it doesn't have to be, you know, 20 people. It can be 5 people. It can be 3 people. It can be having that one person that believes in you more than anything in the world. And if you can have that person in your corner that is cheering you on, that's you for me. And a lot of these women in this room, having that when I'm getting down on myself and I don't believe in myself sometimes, and I think maybe it's too much, I turn to those people and they remind me, oh no. You've got this. You're doing it. Look at where you've come from. And sometimes it takes someone reminding you to get back on track.

I agree. And I think sometimes even just like I was messaging you saying, thank you so much for being here. You're amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Just to see all so many of you, so many friends I'm seeing here in the audience today, that just to get to be in your energy and the presence and your help. And you're the kind of person that shows up always and like, how How can I help? What do you need? Here you were, you were a featured author at the event yesterday and you were helping everybody get set up and carrying things. And even though you're there being featured, you're still behind the scenes doing the work. And I think a lot of that too is because of the person that you are, but because you also run your own events and you know what it's like to do events.

Yes.

So you have an event coming up in, what is it, October? October 8th. Tell us about the event, what it's exactly what that is going to be like, because I want to see, I think we need to have these events just so all of us can have like a family reunion and get together.

I hope you all can make it October 8th. I know Erica Rothenberger has an event the following week. So we're kind of tag teaming, trying to figure out how we're both going to go to each other's events. Thrive South Bay. Uh, it's in the South Bay of Los Angeles on October 8th, and Amberly will be one of the featured speakers. She's gonna be my keynote speaker, and we are announcing this for the first time right now.

All right. So it's done. We're doing it. We're doing it. It's a done deal.

Yes. And, and we have another amazing speaker. So it, it's gonna be an incredible event. Um, it is for female entrepreneurs. It is all about what we're talking about. stepping into that version of yourself that you are meant to be and going for your big dreams. And it is gonna be high energy. It's at the California Surf Club, which is right on the beach.

Yes.

In Redondo Beach, California. I mean, you can't get a better setting than this, outdoors in October, which is the most amazing time of year. Um, and it's gonna be hopefully 150 women. Um, lots of high energy. We have a VIP dinner afterwards. Um, so it's just gonna be an incredible event that I can't wait to have you not only speak at, but just be there with me. Oh, yeah.

I was like, as soon as you asked, I was like, yes.

I know. I was like, I couldn't believe it.

Southern California, hanging out with you. Yeah.

I'm like, could you maybe be available? I don't even think you would be available. And I couldn't believe when you said yes.

Oh, yeah. But now we have some of my favorite fellows here in the room with us. Brian Galky, I see you over there. He comes to, I would say, probably 90% of all the tapings that we have here for the Amberly Lago Show. Can he— he's— I know a lot of you ladies know him. Can, can men come?

Of course. And Brian, listen, Brian is welcome anywhere with me because he hosted me and Kim, I think, at a rooftop pool when we were in San Diego a month ago. I mean, I love Brian. Brian's like one of my guys. But any men, all your husbands can come. My husband will be there. It's gonna be— it's a fabulous venue, you guys. You're not going to want to miss this event. I mean, Forget about it, right?

Oh yeah, I can't wait. I'm so excited. Well, I know a lot of people, they might want to do events, they might want to be a speaker, they might want to start their own coaching program, but they feel stuck. They feel like they're maybe doing the work and they're not seeing what they could achieve, either income-wise or influence or impact-wise. Have you ever been in a spot where you felt stuck? And if so, how did you get through that moment?

So I feel stuck sometimes still now. I mean, I, I don't think anyone ever feels like they're— they always have it going on. There are seasons, like so much of what we talked about yesterday. I felt stuck this morning. Exactly.

Couldn't get my keys. I thought I was gonna run here.

Exactly. It's just, we all have— I think so much about the Unstoppable Success Summit today. I heard a lot of conversations about being in the season. The low season. And we all have those low seasons. We all feel stuck from time to time. And I think it's about getting back. For me, I talk to all of my clients and even on stage about being in alignment with yourself. Mm-hmm. And not listening to all of the outside noise because that's what gets us stuck, in my opinion. When we get focused on worrying about how many followers we have or if there's enough money in our bank account right now, I think Brooke was talking about that yesterday.

Mm-hmm.

Or whatever. Just stay on the path. We, well, who is it? I think it's, um, Napoleon Hill who said the, the only people who don't succeed in life are the people who give up.

Mm-hmm.

So we're all gonna get stuck. It's about staying on the path and keep moving forward. And if you get, and I used to use this, um, metaphor, if you get stuck in the mud in, in, you know, the South, I don't, I live in California, so we don't really get stuck in the mud. But, but if you get stuck in the mud in the South and your wheels are spinning and spinning and spinning and you keep pressing the gas and it's not moving forward, you gotta get outta the car and get something under that tire to move the wheel in a different direction. It's the same thing in business. I can, I mean, if I have a second, I wanna use an example of something that happened to us during the pandemic.

Yeah.

I have a restaurant business also with my husband, and we were in a really tough spot during the pandemic. And we were, I mean, everybody was closed for indoor dining. We could do takeout, but it was slow and we were so challenged and we were, you know, you can't keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result if it's not working. So what you have to do is you have to go back to your alignment with yourself and ask yourself, what do I need in this moment? What do others need in this moment? And in that moment, we realized people are eating at home and they're tired of takeout and they're tired of cooking. What can we do to create an experience? And so we created these Pizza kits. It's our fresh dough, sauce, cheese in a kit with toppings and all the fun things so you could have an activity at home with your families.

That's amazing.

We did that. It took off and it was, we couldn't keep up with the business. So here we thought we were grinding in one way and it wasn't working. And it was about getting back to what people need and what's going on in that moment, not thinking through it. But feeling through it.

Well, I love that you said, what do I need and what do others need? And that is key about in alignment. And you are so good about when you speak from stage and in your book about going to your purpose, being in alignment. So through the ups and downs of entrepreneurship and everything that you've been through, and when you were like, I'm 52, I'm not waiting anymore, I I am going to do this. When was it that you were like, hey, I've got something here. I need to put this into words. I need others to know that they can do it too. You've got your book, Guided by Grace.

Yeah.

I want to know, first of all, how long did it take you to write it? How did you come up with the name? And what was the spark that was like, I'm going to write a book? Well, I guess 81% of people, I guess, want to write a book. 1% actually end up doing it. You were The 1%.

I saw that on the slide yesterday and I was like, wow, I'm in the 1%. That's pretty cool.

Yeah, I think y'all are all 1 percenters.

There's a lot of 1 percenters. I think everyone has the capability of finishing a book. I know my girlfriend Stacy here is going to write a book too.

We're holding you to it, Stacy. Okay.

Yeah, so I'll tell you this. First of all, I started this book during the pandemic. Um, after I had been in a major depression, um, for several months. Um, my husband was, we had lost a half a million dollars. Um, had to close a restaurant. Mm-hmm. And we got kicked out of our house. Real stuff. Um, I had 2 little boys and I just was like, I have the tools. I've been a life coach. Um, I've done the work.

Mm-hmm.

I know what to do here. And I started putting my thoughts on paper. And that book started then, but I didn't really, and I think this is so important for people who wanna write a book. You don't have to know the whole thing right now. You just need to know why you wanna write a book and that start there. Start writing your stories down and start you. We all have our purpose in this lifetime is to share with the world. So what is that story, that message that you have to share with the world and start writing about that? Mm-hmm. And so that's what I did. I didn't know if I was gonna publish it honestly. And I didn't come back to it until 2023 after I met you and you said, I see you writing a book. And then I was like, oh, I've actually been writing a book. So it took me probably 2 years. And then I literally said on January 1st of last year, I said, this is getting done by October.

Get 'er done is what I was saying.

Get 'er done. And so I got up at 5:00 AM because you taught me that every single morning for an hour I wrote. to finish that book and get it published by October. And I— this book was written for every woman who has ever felt like they were— their voice was quieted and that they had a purpose when they were little, like me dancing on a stage, that they abandoned and it sat with them and they buried it and buried it and buried it.

Hmm.

The reason why it's called Follow the Breadcrumbs to Your Life's True Purpose is because God gives us Or the universe, whatever you believe, gives us little breadcrumbs down the path of life. And it's up to us to listen and to follow those breadcrumbs to our purpose. And so we all have that. It's about getting quiet, getting in alignment, and allowing God to come through. And when you do that, you will find your purpose and you will live the greatest life that you are meant to live and be able to then share it with others. And that's why I wrote this book.

Hallelujah. Can y'all tell? How this event in October is going to be epic because you can feel the passion. I feel it right now. That comes out of you. Now, there might be some people— and we're going to get to an audience question. So think about what you'd like to ask this superstar up here. There's some people— I like that you said you got to get quiet, listen. And that's the thing. There's so much noise out there. That it can— there's a lot of shiny objects, especially now. I mean, my husband will show me something and I'm like, honey, that's AI. That's not real. Like, yeah, but there it's— AI is getting better. There's a lot of noise and there's a lot of distractions. And I'm, you know, my ADD brain's like, oh, oh, how do you— how do you find time to get quiet and listen with how much you have going on in the world? How do you do that?

Well, I think talking about yesterday, protect your peace. I think for me, I have had to make in my calendar— I have non-negotiables. I think most people have those things: a workout, a walk, listening to a podcast, things that we have to do to keep ourselves centered on who we truly are. Because the day gets filled. If you, if you allow yourself to just react to things that are coming at you, you will never find that quiet, you will never be able to hear the breadcrumbs. But if you make time, whether it's 5:00 AM or 2:00 AM— don't do 2:00 AM, that's not a good idea. But if you find that 30 minutes a day where you can get quiet, I sit out in my yard in the morning sometimes and let the birds chirp. And I get— I don't listen to music. I just sit there and then I write.

Hmm.

And I let God speak through me and I write. whatever. And that's when I get unstuck too, by the way. Because if we're stuck somewhere and then you get quiet and it's frustrating at first 'cause you're like, it's kind of like meditating. You're like, ugh, this is, I need to do something. But if you can allow yourself to just sit there for a minute, slowly close your eyes and allow yourself to connect with nature, with God, with your divine being within you, that's when you can really start to connect. And that's where—

Yeah.

The magic happens.

It sure is. That's beautiful. Yeah, I get up before my family gets up so I can have that time. I need that quiet time. And just, there's a lot of people that might feel like they're busy, but they're not necessarily productive. What is the difference between busy and being in alignment that's moving the needle on the business? What does that look like? Or how do you differentiate between those things?

This is A big problem in society. And I see a lot of women, especially in my community, filling their days with things that they think are productive and make them— and, and what I see is that it's allowing themselves to not focus on whatever it is that they're called to do. And so I believe that if you have a true purpose and, and, and listen, there are a lot of women that I know that are like, I'm good, I'm happy. I'm just gonna live my life and do my thing. Good for you. Great. But if you have a goal, if you have a dream and you are on a mission to accomplish something, you need to fill 80% of your day with the things that you are good at, that move the needle, that allow you to be in your zone of genius. And that is where the magic happens for business. And so I call the 80/20 rule. It is literally like anything that is not in the 80% goes in the 20%. And those are maybe the things that you have to do that you, that aren't you aren't really good at. Like, for me, technology. Okay. Yeah, but I have to do it. Like, I don't have a team right now that's helping me with AI and social media and all the things. I have to figure this out.

I know some people.

Yeah, I know you do. Well, God bless Malik. I know he's not here today, but he's amazing and he's helped me with a lot. But anything that doesn't fall into have to for my business, and 80% of You're genius. Bye-bye. Delegate, automate. What's the other thing? Or delegate, automate, or eliminate.

Yeah, I'm all dumb. Dumb.

Dumb. There's a lot of stuff we all do that we think we need to do that we really don't need to do.

I know. And, you know, there's a lot of times where I'm like, okay, I am color coordinating my closet or organizing my sock drawer. I'm like, what is it that I really need to be doing? And I'm very pragmatic and I like to make a list because it feels good to check it off. Does anybody else like to check off? It feels good. Just look at what I did. But I've learned to like try to do my best to get the things that are the most important done first while my brain is sharp. And because it's— I mean, I want to scroll through Instagram.

Totally.

But I will not let myself This is a big one.

Pick that up. This is a big one. And I think what I've learned to do, and I think maybe you were, you spoke to us in the mastermind about this, but it's about going into social media and posting your post first before you scroll.

Mm-hmm.

Getting your work done first. And then if you have time, 30 minutes and you put a timer on and that timer goes off, you are done.

Mm-hmm.

With social media. I don't allow myself to go on social media to scroll actually throughout the day at all. I wait until the end of the day if I have time, but I do post. And one of the other things is I do go in and like, Comment on people's posts that I'm supporting.

You really are good about that, and that's important.

I believe in, um, you know, promoting others. I believe in connection, and I feel connection when I do that. So yeah, it helps me feel like I'm connected to you when I'm commenting. I'm like, oh, that's my girl Amberly. I'm gonna, you know, dive in.

You're amazing at that.

So, but I will say one last thing about this topic is that I feel like if we don't do what inspires us. Like you said, get, get 'er done in the morning. I am all about that too, but I'm also about don't do the things that drain you first thing in the morning. Do the things that get like your creativity. Like my mind is really powerful in the morning. I'm exhausted at the end of the day, so I'm not able to write, do any of that at the end of the day. But in the morning, if I am in my zone of genius, it carries me through the day.

Mm-hmm.

So the energy that you get from those things, like if I'm gonna record something, I do it in the morning. You know, I don't wait until the afternoon to do that.

stuff.

So it's kind of like find your thing where your zone of genius is and do those things early so that the task that you can just check off, you have energy for in the afternoon. That's, that's what I do.

That's such great advice. Such great advice.

Yeah.

Well, I could talk to you all day. I love you so much and I'm so glad I'll get to see you again. But I wanna know if anybody in the audience has a question because I'm so grateful to actually have a live audience. Maren, Maren has a question. Go ahead, Maren.

You had an amazing story already, and I think you and I are in a lot of alignment with when we talk about resilience. And you talked about depression, some real stories of resilience that you had to go through. And I think you already gave a lot of tools, but what is one thing, like, somebody who is in that depression right now, somebody who maybe is losing a business, we're in an economy right now, it's very different.

Yes.

People really can relate to that, and I'm sure Brittany Grace that, you know, that's on the stage right now, and you're speaking out, What's one thing you could speak to them to really say to help maybe get unstuck in the elements of the rain? Because if you can't control light, how do you escape that?

I just want to repeat what she just asked, basically giving— just in case you couldn't hear it on the podcast, is how do you get unstuck? She gave Jen praise. Then how do you get unstuck with the economy, with the change, and find that resilience to keep moving forward and not slip into depression or—

Well, and this is— I mean, I have— I wasn't even going to talk about this, but I've dealt with battle depression all my life. It's something that's in my family. My grandfather committed suicide. My dad was bipolar. I have a lot of history of this in my family, and I had to make a choice to not allow that to overcome who I am because I know I have so many gifts outside of that. And so for me, it's all about doing the things that give you joy. If you're, if you're in a funk about work, then don't hustle more because you don't have it in you to hustle. That is not where you spend your time. If you are in a funk and things aren't like— you keep checking your bank account, it's not going to get any better by checking it, right? So it's about Stepping into something that truly gives you joy. And if it's going for a walk on the beach or calling a girlfriend, or— I text message her a lot and I'm like, I'm like, okay, I'm struggling with something.

I know you're busy. I need a little pep talk.

I need a pep talk. Like, find that person that can shift it for you quickly. The person that you know that's like in your corner, find that person. It's temporary, you guys. Yes, the economy is hard right now, and I would be lying if I said I'm not feeling the effects of it. We all feel the effects of the things, but it's about moving forward despite of what's going on around you and allowing yourself to just stay in who you truly are and what you're meant to do on this planet. And stay— I keep going back to this— stay in that connection with God. This is a season and we will all make it through. We can overcome anything. Look at what this country has endured.

Mm-hmm.

We can all overcome anything. We have the spirit and the capacity to do amazing things regardless of our circumstances. Look at Amberly. Look at the things that some of these women that spoke about on that stage yesterday and what they've been able to overcome. I mean, I have the chills looking at you, Stephanie. I'm just like, wow. I, I just think that we need to stay in our connection with our higher power and our purpose and trust that there is a way forward. We will get through this. Even if I, you know, times are tough. Like my husband's like, I don't know if we can keep this house right now. We just bought a new house 2 years ago and he got fired a month later. And we're like, you know what? I have my faith. We get through it together. If it if it doesn't work out right now, we have to move. It's not the end of the world.

We'll be okay.

But I believe that good perseveres. I believe that if you believe in yourself and you have a purpose, that God will fulfill that purpose because that's why He put you here.

Amen. Whoa, Dan. I just love you. You are so amazing and so gifted, and I'm excited about your event. And everybody needs to check out her book, especially if you are wanting to tap into your resilience and go after your purpose. Where is the best place that people can find you to follow along your journey, to get to your event, to find your book? Where's the best place? place?

So obviously social media, my Instagram, which is Jen_Mentasana, @Jen_Mentasana. I have a website, JenMentasana.com. I'll be announcing all the information. I think our tickets are going live maybe at the end of May, which is only a month. So, you know, go to my website, sign up for my emails. You'll get all the information about the event and everything coming up. And my book is on Amazon. And Guided by Grace: Follow the Breadcrumbs to Your Life's True Purpose. And it truly is that. And yeah, that's it.

Well, thank you. And thank you to the studio audience for being here today. And thank you for tuning in. I know you can be anywhere, anyplace, so I appreciate you tuning into the show. It's because of you. You have made this a top 1% podcast. So thank you. Please share this with a friend. Let's all inspire and empower each other, and we will see you next time.

Next week.