From Inner Critic to Inner Peace Through Faith with Lindsay Morgan Snyder

The one thing that has had the biggest impact on my business, on my life, is community. It is having those relationships, people that believe in you, that support you, that really call you higher. And that's exactly why I started the Unstoppable Life Mastermind. And you know what? It's— we don't just meet online. We are actually getting together for a 4-day beach retreat. And I'm so excited about it because that's where things start to shift. That's where you move. So if you're ready to build your influence, your impact, and increase your income and share your story through stages, through a book, podcasting, and even share your story on this podcast here, then it's time. Apply through the link in the show notes, truegritandgrace.com. Again, it's truegritandgrace.com. We'll hop on a call and I can't wait to see you on the inside. And now on to the show. What was it that changed you? What was that moment?

When I was the girl looking for love in all the wrong places, I didn't really know what love was. You know, I thought love was things like sex and, you know, just like all these different things that aren't really love. And I was looking for love in all the wrong places. And then I met the Lord. I met Jesus. And he started to show me in scripture that he is love. What is one thing that they can do to So I would say one thing you could do is just like hold out your hands and just say, God, I want the love that that girl's talking about. Like, will you show me your love for me today? And then just watch what he does. Because we can't love ourselves until we receive God's love first, because we don't really know what love is. I thought love was codependency.

There are a lot of people who are in relationships that have a mean inner critic, me included.

When you start to become aware of the mean voice— awareness, I always tell people, is 90% of the healing. When you start to become aware of what's going on in your head, those thoughts that you're having, and you start to become aware that is not God, that is not God, then it really kind of unlocks things.

Oh, thank you so much for tuning in to the Amberly Lago Show. I'm excited that you're here, especially If you struggle with fear, if you've ever struggled with people pleasing, I know I have, maybe a harsh inner critic or harsh inner voice, feelings of unworthiness, or maybe that you're not good enough or not qualified enough, or maybe it's even hard for you to accept accomplishment or a compliment or accomplishment. Actually, I have somebody here who is going to really help with All the things. Today on the show, I have Lindsay Morgan Snyder, and she's an amazing author. She's a speaker. She's a creator. She is an entrepreneur, a faith-led entrepreneur, and she's deeply passionate about helping people experience God's love, reclaim their identity, and lead from a place of wholeness, not hustle or striving. Her work sits at the intersection of self-love, faith, entrepreneurship, and today we're talking about what it really looks like to build a business without abandoning yourself or God and along the way, uh, especially on this entrepreneurial journey. So Lindsay, thank you for being here.

Yes. Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited and honored. Thank you.

Oh, well, I heard you. So we were both recording at a studio. I was in LA for Rachel McCord's show and you were the guest, I think, right before me. And I was just sitting next to my friend the whole time going, oh my gosh, she is good. She's good. I got to have her on my show. She's amazing. And I just instantly loved you meeting you, but I just loved all that you shared. And your life is so different today. When was the light bulb moment that you were like, okay, um, I think that love self-love and loving yourself, really loving yourself, maybe just be the foundation of everything that we do, especially in business. What was it that changed you? What was that moment?

Yeah, I love that question because for me it's been an ongoing journey with that. But I would say the moment that I started to question like what was really going on is when I was the girl looking for love in all the wrong places. I mean, I, I didn't really know what love was, you know, I thought love was things like sex and, you know, just like all these different things that aren't really love. And I was looking for love in all the wrong places. And then I met the Lord. I met Jesus. And He started to show me in Scripture that He is love. You know, in the Bible it says God is love. And I didn't know that before I became a Christian, obviously. And so then I went on this journey of like, well, if God is love, like what You know, what does that mean for me? And I remember finding this, the scripture where it says, the first commandment is to love the Lord God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And I was a new Christian, so I was like, okay, I need to love God with all of my heart, all of my mind, all of my soul, all of my strength. That's a lot. Like, that seems to be a major focus. And then it said, and to love your neighbor as yourself. And I, I remember God saying to me, Lindsay, You don't even like yourself. It's gonna be really difficult for you to love your neighbor. And, and I hear a lot of well-meaning, you know, people say, love God, love people. But for me, that was kind of more of this like to-do list. This like, I had a lot of codependency in my life. So it was like, to be a good Christian, I have to love God and love people. And it was like white knuckling this thing, you know, white-knuckling the love instead of like learning that God is love. I have to learn to receive his love first, and then I can love myself and then better love my neighbor. And that's just been this like 15-year journey, as simple as it sounds. Walking that all out has been like kind of a wild adventure.

Well, there, I know it's, you know, for a long time, I am an overcoming people pleaser. And I've done a lot of coaching and therapy and it really always boiled down to, I didn't feel good enough, or I didn't feel like I was even worthy of loving. Um, did you have any traumatic experience from your past that made it, and is that the reason? Uh, maybe you were looking for love in all the wrong places. Um, I think that's a song too.

I think that's a song too.

We didn't sing a little song, but, and why you, maybe you didn't feel like you were worthy of loving.

Yeah, I think for me, the Lord told me at one point and he said, Lindsay, you think codependency is love. So for me, I just didn't understand what love was. And, you know, I live out here in Los Angeles and feel really called to Hollywood and, um, You know, I remember as a child, like, watching these different shows, you know, like, like fairy tales or rom-coms, and they, you know, they're giving this idea of love, and that just isn't what I saw it to be. And I was really kind of scared of men, actually. And I didn't know that until way later in my life. So in my 20s, I would, I would really, like, drink a lot in order to, like, numb myself out a little bit, to be honest. I don't drink.

Yeah. Like take that shot of courage and, and not.

Yes, girl. And I remember reading the book Codependent No More, I think is what it's called.

I remember when someone handed me this book, I was on the way to Hawaii. I was, this is back in my fitness days and I was hired to go train a whole tennis team in Hawaii, which was awesome. And, um, one of my clients who I'd been working with for years and she knew my boyfriend at the time were on the plane and she handed me a book. I didn't even know what codependent was, but when I started to read it, I was like, oh wow, that's me and my whole relationship. No wonder it feels so toxic. It is.

I didn't even know what toxic meant, honestly. Like, I didn't even have a frame of reference for the word toxic. But when I read that book, I thought, and it was back in the day when you had like cassette tapes that you put in your car, you know what I think? Yeah, like I had like a book on tape and I put it in my car and I thought I was listening to this and I was like, um, that's what I thought normal. That's what I thought. I thought that was normal. Like I thought that was just how everyone operated. So right when I met Jesus, he started to kind of undo a lot of thinking for me. And you know, I really think a lot of the negative voice comes from the enemy because the Bible says—

Oh yeah.

that he's the father of lies. And, you know, if he's the father of lies, then he is lying to our brain, right? So the thoughts that we have about ourselves, like, you know, I'm not enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not this enough, I'm not lovable, all these lies that we believe, and they come in all different ways. It can be simple things that happen to us, it can be super traumatic things that can happen to us. It's really not even about the thing that happens to us. It's about the lies we believe. After it happens, the enemy will get in there no matter what happens, and he will tell you things. And that's why it's so important to not focus on the enemy because he's a narcissist and he loves attention. But we can't be unaware of his schemes. We have to realize that the enemy is the father of lies, and he likes to lie to us about who we are, about who God is, about you know who other people are, and that's just. where I have found the toxicity comes from. It's straight from the pit of hell.

Yeah. You know what? And I think that when we start to believe these lies, we will actively start to seek situations, relationships, anything, uh, out, circumstances out there that will back up that belief we have about ourself. And that's why I think it's so important to first Be aware, be aware of those thoughts and ask yourself, where is this coming from? Is this fact? Let me dissect this and see where it's coming from. Because it, yeah, for so long, um, I had these negative beliefs and negative self-talk, and I'm not gonna lie, I still do sometimes. And I'm like, okay, wait. And I have to nip it in the bud and start asking questions. And I still do work on myself, but I wanted to ask you. You say, you know, I, you know, and then I heard from God. I'm just curious, how does God speak to you? Because I know so many people hear God's voice in different ways. How does God speak to you?

Yeah. You know, when I met, when I met the Lord, he spoke to me. That, that was my initial kind of like entrance into the Lord. I mean, I'll just quickly tell you that story because it's really fun. But, um, well, the, The way I came to the Lord wasn't super fun. But, you know, I think I was, again, I was looking for love in all the wrong places. My boyfriend had just broken up with me and I just was heartbroken. And I heard this mean voice. I call it the mean voice. I heard this mean voice. It's not an actual voice, but they're thoughts in your head. And I heard it say, you are worthless. No one will ever love you. Like, you're so stupid. You might as well just like end it, you know? And I just said the word God. I didn't even believe in God.

Wow.

But I just said, God, and I heard this still small whisper say, Lindsay, I'm right here. I've always been right here.

Oh.

And I knew it was God, even though I didn't necessarily believe in God, to be honest with you. It was a very supernatural experience. And that mean voice left and it felt like a blanket came over my life and peace came over me. And I, you know, I just knew it was God. And then, you know how God does, he's so cool. You know, I just so happened to be like friends with the guy who owned the martini bar. across the street from my house, and he told me about church. And, you know, then God just leads you and guides you. Oh, you know, he's so amazing like that. So my initial entrance into the Lord was his voice. And so I've always kind of just heard his voice. Um, now what I've had to do is I've had to learn how to discern in my mind who I'm hearing from. And I know it sounds super woo-woo and a little crazy, but I like to call them voices because you know, it just helps you separate what's going on in your mind. I was the kind of girl that had a lot of chaos going on internally in my internal world. And so I liked to have a TV on or I liked to be listening to something so that I, I couldn't hear what was going on inside because I was scared.

Yeah.

I was scared of what was going on inside my head. And basically the enemy lied to me. He's like, you can't handle it. You know, like, like he was basically saying like, you don't want to be alone by yourself, which is the Absolute opposite of what is true. I hear a lot of people talk about like, don't isolate, don't isolate. And I know what they mean by that, but the part I think we're missing is like intimacy with God.

Yes.

And for me, intimacy is silence. When I get into silence and I, and I just like ask God to meet me, it's so powerful. And at first it, it can be, you know, a little bit scary because you're getting alone by yourself with your brain. But scripture talks about renewing our mind and how powerful it is to renew our minds. How when we renew our minds, that's when we find out the will of God. So, so working on our mind is so powerful and it's not as difficult as people think it is. You know, we, you know, so we, so getting into silence and just even start taking, like, just start taking inventory of what's going on in there. You know what I mean?

Mm-hmm.

And you're gonna hear, you're possibly gonna hear a lot of different stuff. But that's when you have to start kind of learning to separate it. You know, what is the mean voice and what is the voice of love? Because God is love. So his voice is loving. Even when he corrects us, which he does, he's a good father. You know, even when he, you know, tells us like, hey, what you just did there wasn't great. Or like, let's not do that. That can be, that could be God. I call him Papa God. That can be God because he's a good He's a good dad, you know, and he wants the best for us. And sometimes we don't know what's best for us, you know, so he will correct. I'm not saying that his loving voice just says, go do whatever you want whenever you want. There's no way that's true. Um, you know, it has to line up with scripture, but there's a mean voice in our head and there's a loving voice in our head. And what God has taught me about the inner critic is the inner critic is when The father of lies, who's the enemy, gets in collaboration with your own pain, your own ouchies, as I call them. Okay. So we all have pain. We all have ouchies. It could be the smallest thing.

It could be the biggest thing.

The enemy will use it all. And so when the father of lies gets in collaboration with your own pain, that is what I call the inner critic. And that is what I call—

Oh, that's, that's such a great definition of that. I've never thought of it that way. That's so good. But I have a friend that I was just talking to on the phone and speaking of hearing God's voice, she was explaining to me that she was, you know, God's just telling me to do this. And what she was describing as God telling her to do, I'm like, that doesn't sound like God to me.

Oh.

Because it was, Um, pretty much a sin.

And I'm like, I don't know if God would tell you to, to sin.

So how do you, I didn't even know how to answer. Um, what would you say in that circumstance? Like, in that, if you were in that position where I was like, um, let me help you discern God's voice. Because I mean, I'm no expert, but I know that it's, God wouldn't want someone to actively go out there and sin. So what would you say to that? I'm just curious, uh, 'cause I need to know.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, the first thing I would do is I, I personally would ask God for wisdom. So in James 1:5, it says, if you lack wisdom, ask God, he'll give to you without measure. So I, meaning if I were you, I would say, God, I need your wisdom right now. I need your wisdom on how to help her, you know? And I would like tune into God first for you. So that you're— so God is helping her through you instead of you in your own strength, like we all like to do, trying to help people.

'Cause it happens. Yes. Yeah.

So even if I'm in a conversation with someone and I'm like, I don't know where we're going here, I'll like tune into God, like in the conversation. So someone will be talking to me and then I'll just be like, in my mind, like, God, you know, I need your wisdom right now. And that's a promise in the Bible. It's my favorite. It's my favorite scripture, James 1:5. If you lack wisdom, ask God and he'll give it to you without measure. And then I'm not saying that God would like speak to you in that moment, but, but he'll do something. You know, he'll give you a picture or he'll give you words or he'll do something to help you navigate that situation. So that would be number one, what I would do. Um, number two, you know, if it goes against scripture, it's It's not God.

And exactly.

That's just the truth.

Exactly.

And she could be hearing from maybe, yeah, I don't know the situation, but yeah.

Um, yeah, but I am going to pray about that. And I also like that you said, uh, you brought up isolation because I am someone, I back, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I got sober in 2016. And I was never a big drinker. And then because of pain, I was trying to numb out and it really got the best of me. And I, my world got smaller and smaller and smaller and I isolated. And there's a real distinction for me, um, between having that, those quiet moments, like, um, so you can, uh, listen to your own, you know, spark creativity and your own ideas, but also listen to God's voice. And there's, and then isolation, there's a big difference. And so for me, I have to ask myself, okay, am I, am I isolating right now? Am I doing this because I'm shutting the world out or am I creating moments of, uh, presence with God? And so, because I feel like the opposite of addiction is connection, and I definitely don't ever want to get into isolation again. But I realized, so I lived in LA for 31 years and I realized my favorite place to have those moments of stillness with my mind was when I was hiking up in the mountains. That was when I connected with God the most. That's when I sparked the most creativity. And so I love that you brought that up about just moments where, you know, in this day and age, so many people are addicted to scrolling through social media. Listening to podcasts, by the way, thank you for listening to this one. Don't turn it off. Um, um, but having the radio on and there's so often, most of the times I would say I don't even have the radio on when I'm driving because it is a time when I can have just some quiet and some, and think, or in the shower and also first thing in the morning. What, when I wake up, it's the first thing I do, just having that alone time with God to pray, to pray, to do my gratitude. But what is your favorite time? Um, or, and also, what could you suggest to someone who is someone who never likes to be alone? They don't want quiet time. They can never be in silent. What's your favorite time? What is something that you could suggest to them to start creating those moments of quiet?

Yeah. Yeah. My favorite time. Honestly, is when I feel vulnerable, um, when I have like some negative feelings, that is when I like to go to God because he is our comforter, the Bible says. And, you know, he is our counselor, the Bible says, and he's our helper, the Bible says. And so like, when I feel scared, when I feel— for, there was a long season I felt really depressed. I, I never really went to the doctor to like get any kind of diagnosis, but I just was like going through it. You know, and, and I just, every day I would tell God, I was like, I feel sad, you know? And I think when we learn to connect with ourselves, understand how we feel, and then connect with God and let him know how we feel, which is what David did in the Psalms, it's very biblical. Um, that's where the connection with us and God comes from. And that's what makes the difference between isolation and intimacy. If we are connecting with God, it's not isolation. Now, if we're not connecting with God, definitely isolation.

Exactly.

And so my favorite times to be with God is like whenever I need him, which is a lot. You know what I mean? Like whenever I'm having feelings about anything, I go to God and it's just so— it's healed me in like insane ways from like crazy stuff, you know, like texts book, Crazy Stuff. And so, um, I guess I maybe answered your question and, you know, both your questions in one, but, um, you know, the way I would suggest that people begin to do this is I think you have to really get a revelation of God as your Father.

Mm-hmm.

And, you know, no one on earth had a perfect father. Some people had better ones than others, but nobody had a perfect father because perfection is not a thing we can attain on earth. But we all have a perfect father in Father God. And, you know, um, in the scriptures it talks about Abba, you know, and in the original language, Abba means daddy. So that's literally in the original language what Abba means, you know. And if, if you go and read in scripture, it talks about how God is our father. He's our Abba, you know. And, and so getting a revelation of of the Father's love for you is, I think, is foundational in what I understand and what I teach, because that's— the Father is where we get our identity from. The Father is where, you know, safety comes from. Now, we can't get there without Jesus Christ. Of course, the only reason we're reconciled to the Father is because of what Jesus did for us. So it's not a workaround to Jesus, from Jesus, you know, but they've always said, like, If you had ouchies with your father, then it's hard sometimes to connect with the Father. Or if you had ouchies with, you know, maybe men like I did, it might be hard for you to connect with Jesus. And they say if you had ouchies with your mom, maybe it's hard for you to connect with Holy Spirit. That's just what somebody said. That's not necessarily biblical. I mean, it's not like in the Bible, but I've heard that said before. And my issue was Um, I, I was scared of men.

Mm-hmm.

And so I kind of struggled with like connecting with Jesus, but I could connect with the Father so quickly. And he healed me up so much. And then Father said, you know, Lindsay, I'm a good dad. After years of knowing him, like a decade, he goes, and I'm gonna— you're scared of Jesus because he represents a man who could potentially hurt you. And he goes, but I'm gonna teach you that my son, that I, I have a good son. And then he took me on this whole healing journey with Jesus and it was so beautiful. So, you know, to get back to your listeners, um, it kind of starts with a revelation of like God being a good father and, and really understanding that. He wants to help us and he wants to comfort us and he wants to counsel us and he wants to give us wisdom. And that's all in the New Testament. And that's really where it has to start.

Well, you mentioned earlier about, you know, God said to you, well, you don't even like yourself. There, there was a time in my life when I hated myself, like after my accident. There are a lot of people that might be struggling with this right now. What is one thing that they can do to start to love themselves? Because I feel like we are all walking permission slips. And when we love ourselves, we give others permission to love themselves too. So what's one thing that somebody listening today that might be struggling with that can do to start to love themselves?

Yeah, there's a lot of different things. I was, I was kind of asking Holy Spirit in my mind, like, what do you want to, what do you, what do you have for the people, Lord? Um, you know, in 1 John it says we love because he first loved us. So we don't even know how to love unless we let him love us. So I would say one thing you could do is just like hold out your hands and just say, God, I want the love that that girl's talking about. Like, will you show me your love for me today?

Mm-hmm.

And then just watch what he does because We can't love ourselves until we receive God's love first, because we don't really know what love is. I thought love was codependency. It wasn't. So it's like, we can't really love ourselves until we learn to receive God's love. So if we just kind of practice that, you know, like, God, I want to receive your love today, like that girl's talking about, like, will you show me your love today? Just that simple prayer, and then watch what he does. Watch what he does. And then, you know, as far as loving ourselves, you know, it, it was kind of a long journey. I first had to learn to receive God's love, and then through circumstances, I kind of had to realize what loving myself meant. And for me, this is kind of cheesy, but like, self-love is not about like bubble baths. It's about boundaries. And I know people, I know people like get all crazy about boundaries, but, you know, that was my issue. I did not count myself worthy enough of my own time. So I would give my time away to everyone and then I'd end up really broke or really, you know, in a bad place. And God had to teach me like, Linds, like, you know, I had boundaries. He would show me in scripture, like I had boundaries, you know? And then I had to learn how to stand up for myself and use my voice a little bit more than I used to. And And so that's kind of what self-love looked like for me. But I had this inner critic being like, you're selfish, you know, like you're, you know, all kinds of mean stuff. So I had to learn to battle that voice and step forward in what God was saying, which is like, it's okay not to get back to that person right now. You don't owe them anything, Lindsay.

You know, I think we teach people How to treat us. And we also teach people how quickly we are going to respond and how we're going to respond. I got to a place where I was like, oh my goodness, I can't respond to DMs and Messenger and LinkedIn messages and emails and text messages. And, and so I was like, well, if somebody really wants to reach me, they'll know it's not by Facebook Messenger because I can't get there. You know, and so we teach people and how quickly we will respond, which was very hard for me because I wanted to get back to everyone right away. I wanted to do everything for everybody. And I found my place. That's part of, uh, people pleasing, by the way, just trying to do it, do it all and take care of every— and same, I would feel like very, uh, started to feel resentful because I was so depleted. And, um, so I think it's really good to, to just go, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Like, I just did a post today about how I am making decisions on what brings me joy. And is this out of fear or is this out of, no, this is my why. This is out of faith. This is what I want to do. Um, and so, because I was white-knuckling it so much. And so I love that you say that. And I know people do get a little wacky around boundaries, but I think that to set— and I have a friend that's like, there is no such thing as a healthy boundary. And I'm like, okay, well, I think she goes, you just need to know your standards. And I was like, okay, well, I'm going to know my standards. And my standards say that I'm not having that person over at my house anymore. Or whatever it is, call it standards. I'm calling that a boundary, but you know, to each their own. But I have to say, I just love your hat.

I need you to tell us.

I need you to tell, I need one of those hats, by the way. If you're watching on YouTube, you see her beautiful hat and it is beautiful. But, um, I was saying I need to get one of your hats, but I want you to tell us the story about these beautiful hats. I will.

I love them. Thank you. You're so sweet. Um, so I love fashion. I've always loved fashion, um, even from a little girl. And I was in a really bad, a bad place, you know, just struggling. And I went to a conference and there was this really cool hat and it said Salt and Light and it was a trucker hat and it was cool. And I, I didn't have a lot of money, but I'm like, God, can I buy it? And he was like, yeah. And I bought that hat, girl, and I wore it everywhere and I loved it. And people would stop me and they would be like, I love your hat. Where'd you get your hat? But it was a conference, so it wasn't anywhere I could send them. Like, I couldn't say like, go to this website and get the hat. So, um, God to me one day said, you should start your own hat company, Lindsay. And I was like, okay, but I had no money and I was like, God. And then, um, it was really cool cuz a friend of mine who's a designer, she needed some help like with her inner world, with what is what I do. And so we did a trade. She designed hats for me and I did some work with her and it was really a win-win, like total win-win. And, um, so the first label that we did is Love Abba Father. And that, so that's one of my hat lines is Love Abba Father, which we kind of talked about. And then I was at a conference. I actually went to Bethel, um, ministry school when I was 40. And, um, and I went back to a conference there and during worship, I, we were singing this wonderful song about Jesus being beautiful and I heard God say, beautiful like your Creator. And I knew that was God. And so I designed that label. And, um, but I didn't understand. I'm like, God, I'm like, beautiful. Like you say in scripture, beauty's vain. Like, I don't understand why beautiful. And God said, well, Lindsay, that's because beautiful means be you to the full. And I was like, oh. And, and he said, but that's sometimes hard to do if you haven't crushed your inner critic. And so he told me, with every hat that you sell, I want you to give away a Crushing the Inner Critic course to help people renew their mind. And I was like, that's so cool, God. So yeah, that's how— that's how they were developed. And we just had a really fun fashion show launch here in LA on Abbott Kinney. I saw that. It looked amazing. It was so fun. We had a good—

Did Rachel go? Was Rachel there?

I didn't see— no, Rachel didn't come. I, I don't know. I invited her, but she's a busy gal, so I'm sure she has a busy gal.

She is. She is a busy gal. Well, if I was in LA, I would have been there. Well, actually, you know what?

I was in—

I was stuck in San Diego. We had snowstorms here in Texas, and now it's 80 degrees outside. This weather is wacky. But your fashion show looked amazing. And I want to ask you, we will definitely have the link so people can grab a hat and get that Crushing Your Inner Critic. Um, that's what I think is going to be so beneficial. And, and just wearing the hat is going to remind people that reinforcing people that they're beautiful, but also when other people see it, it's a reminder that they're beautiful. So you're just spreading. beauty and love everywhere you go. But there are a lot of people that have a mean inner critic, me included. I can't, I mean, if I talk to my friends and clients the way that I talk to myself, I probably wouldn't have any. And I've, I do my best to nip it in the bud, but can you take us through some of the things that you talk about in the course to lock up that inner critic? Put the bully in the cage.

Exactly. Yeah, I think it's really about awareness. And, you know, it's really about being aware of like what's going on in your head. And so I'm thinking, I'm trying to think in the course, you know, I did it a few months back to think about what's in there. But, um, it's really about, you know, I talk about in the course, like how the root issue I had is that like, you are ugly and disgusting. Like, this is how mean the mean voice is. So like, when you start to write things down and you start to see like what's really going on in your head, you're like, um, that's not God, you know? Like, that is so mean. And when you start to become aware of the mean voice— awareness, I always tell people, is 90% of the healing.

90%.

When you start to become aware of what's going on in your head, those thoughts that you're having, and you start to become aware That is not God. That is not God. Then it really kind of unlocks things. I mean, that's 90% of the healing. And the truth will set you free. It's so true. And I just remembered something, but in, in my first course, Crushing the Inner Critic, I talk about being like an FBI agent in your brain. I make it really fun. I'm a 7 on the Enneagram, girl. So like, I love to make everything fun. So even though I talk about some of these kind of intense subjects, It's always got to be joyful. It's always got to be fun. And that's the feedback I've gotten with this course is that it's joyful and it's light. Like it's not this like, ah, we're going after your wounds. Like I get it. There's totally people that do that and I think it's beautiful and I've been to those people. But the Lord just told me, what if healing could be fun, Lindsay? What if it didn't have to be so intense? Because it was intense for me to be honest. But he started to kind of, after he started to Take these things, these layers off of me. He started to show me like, Linds, like you're a 7. You know, he didn't say I was 7 on the Enneagram, but he's basically like, I made you fun. Like healing can be fun, you know?

And, um, he didn't say I was a 7 on the Enneagram, but, but you already knew that. Yeah.

That's a little—

you're fun. Yeah.

Well, yeah. I mean, it's about kind of investigating what's going on in your mind and starting to just like Be honest with yourself. Like you said, the truth sets us free. Be honest with yourself. Like, this is actually what I think about myself. I think I'm ugly and disgusting. That's freaking mean.

Yeah.

That's not God, you know? And then you kind of start to like, and then I teach this kind of old school way, but where you write the opposite on like a note card and then you just review it. You're, that's how you're renewing your mind. You're reviewing. It sounds so old school, you guys, when I'm telling you it works, you know? And then you just start like reviewing the opposite and then it starts to kind of unlock it and push it out.

And yeah, and saying that even if you don't believe it at first, eventually you will. But you know, one thing I also do is I will say, would I talk to my daughter that way? And the answer's No. Would I make my daughter do, like, in moments when I've been sick and I'm like, well, I just got to keep pushing hard. I got to keep going. I got to get up and get her done. It's like, if my daughter came to me and said, I've got a fever, I'm sick, or this or that, I wouldn't say, well, suck it up, buttercup, and get to school. I'm like, no, actually this morning she wasn't feeling well. I took her to urgent care. And I was like, why is it so hard for me to do the same? So I've gotten better at that. But that's one thing that really helps me is I will ask myself, would I say that to Ruby or Savannah, or would I tell them to do a certain thing? And the answer is no. Like, you know, so I love that just being aware. And I think that that really is, you say 90% of it, it takes It's radical honesty and it's scary and it takes courage to really take a good hard look at your thoughts, at your life and where you are on your journey. And so I'm sitting here and I know there's times that haven't been easy for you. There's times haven't been easy for me, but do it because it is, that's where transformation begins. I think that's truly where transformation begins.

It's so true. And I have a quick story that is what you just reminded me of. When I was— it was probably like 5, 6 years ago. I'd already written my book. I'd already talked about this stuff, you know, and I had like went to the grocery store, got some groceries. I didn't have a lot of money at the time. I got home. I was like putting my groceries away. I was feeling so thankful to God. Like, God, thank you so much for helping me get groceries. Like, I was just in one of these times. And, and I was sitting there.

Mm-hmm.

And I realized like, where's my peanut butter? Like, where are the eggs? And then I was like, oh my gosh, I left a bag of groceries at the grocery store. And I just started berating myself. Now, I didn't really realize it. I'm sitting on the couch just like normal, but this is what's going on in my head, just berating myself. You idiot. I can't believe you did this. God gave you money to get, you know, groceries and you just are such an idiot. You just, you know, just so mean. And all of a sudden— Because I had practiced hearing God's voice a lot, this just interruption, small, still small whisper, Lindsay, what would you say to your friend if they did the same thing? And without even thinking, I was like, oh, I would say, you know, don't worry, God's your provider. We all make mistakes. It's okay. And as clear as day said to me, then, then why don't you say that to yourself?

Hmm.

And I was like, I was shocked because I was berating myself without even knowing. It was going on kind of in the back of my mind. You know, I didn't even realize I was doing it. It was so just like, I think it just is, unfortunately, I don't know the science behind it, but it's somewhat natural, I think.

And, um, well, I think that, uh, we stick anything, it's like any negative comment that we hear, it takes, I think, 7 positive comments to kind of neutralize that negative comment. And I feel like Any negative things stick to us like Velcro, you know, where it's like, and so it is just being aware, but it's great that you could catch yourself and you could turn that around. If it were me, I would have just gone back to the store and been like, hey dude, I need my peanut butter. I left it here. Did anybody find the peanut butter?

But that was part of my issue, girl. That was part of my, like, the healing I needed to do with, like, standing up for myself. You know, it was almost like the enemy would just beat me down so that I couldn't even like go back to the grocery store and be like, excuse me, sir, like where are my groceries? Girl, now 100% I can do that. But it took time for me to like kind of, you know, come out of whatever that was where I could not stand up for myself or admit I made a mistake. And the Lord one time said to me, I'm like, oh my gosh, Lord, did I make a mistake? It was anxiety, fear, you know, did I make a mistake? Did I make a mistake? I feel like God said, Yeah, you made 20 mistakes like every other human on earth, Lindsay. If you were perfect, you wouldn't need me. Like, you're gonna make mistakes.

Yeah. And you know what? I actually respect so much when somebody takes accountability and ownership for something. I always will. And often I have even taken ownership for things that my team has done because it, it is ultimately me. I need to take responsibility for that. I don't, I don't want to ever, you know, when you're pointing your finger at somebody, there's 3 fingers pointing right back at you. But, you know, I think that I respect that so much. I have amazing people on my team now. It's taken a lot, but I finally have the most incredible people. I love My team, they're amazing. And they always like, oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. I forgot to include that. Let me get that. You know? And I'm like, oh my gosh, no worries. We all, that happens. We all make mistakes, but we learn from those mistakes. But when you take accountability, and also I think as a leader in leadership, I want a leader that is taking accountability for something that went wrong. So Because you said it earlier, you know, no one's perfect. We're not, we're not perfect. We make mistakes. And I learned from somebody who, I think we all learn from our mistakes, but we also can learn from other people's mistakes as well. Um, so I love that. Um, how does leading from love instead of fear change the way you show up for clients, community, and creativity now that you can stand up for yourself and And you love yourself, how does that show up differently?

Well, I think, you know, you're gonna love your neighbor as you love yourself. So if you don't really love yourself, like you're not probably loving others super well, or you might be doing it out of a codependent, like I have to do this. So I think as I've learned to quote unquote love myself better, It just makes for healthier relationships, to be honest with you. You know what I mean? It's just like, this is healthier because I'm more direct. I'm more honest. I, you know, I can take feedback when people, you know, when you don't love yourself, feedback feels like an attack. You know, but, but now that I know who I am and I do love myself, or I love myself the way God loves me is the way I like to say it. Um, you know, I have a friend who's very direct. She's an 8 on the Enneagram. Not that I'm a huge Enneagram person, but I do enjoy like our different personalities. I, I love people and I think it's interesting how we're all different. And she's an 8 on the Enneagram and the Lord knew I needed someone like her in my life. And she's so direct and she will call me out. She will call me out, Lindsay, like she just calls me out. And I love that actually.

I'm married. My husband must be an 8 because he calls me out and I appreciate that. I want that.

I need it now too, but girl, before I was, you know, in a freer, healthier place, that would have broken me. That would have scared me. That would have like, I would have run from that, you know, because, because of my, it was like I was too fragile to receive it almost, you know.

Mm-hmm.

But now that I love myself, I mean, she tells me, girl, I go right to repentance, you know, because she's right. She's usually right, you know? So I, I'm like, oh, she's right. And so I go right to repentance in that. So I think like as we learn To receive God's love, learn, you know, that receiving God's love is, I think, what heals us, has been my experience. That's the healing part. And then, then learning to love ourselves so that we can love others, right? We love ourselves so that we can love others. That was another piece of the process for me. But I think that, you know, even with my fashion show, I'm like, God, why are we doing this? And he said, because I want to show you more of who you are, Lenz. And I was the leader of that. I had to lead this whole thing. It rose and fell on me, right? Like, I hire— I didn't hire people, but, um, you know, I had different people in different positions and whatnot. And so, like, you know, I had to learn I hire good people and I trust them. I don't try to micromanage them. You know, I have to trust that I made that decision. And if they, if they do a good job or they mess up, it It's on me. It's not on them because I'm their leader. And that was really kind of a powerful exercise for me to learn. You know, I was like, oh, that's so cool, God. You know, I really enjoyed learning that. So I think He had to teach me this love thing first because I had to— that's what made me strong and healthier, not perfect, but healthier to then lead other people well. So I feel like God just has a process when He wants you to lead people. It's like if you don't love yourself, it's It's just going to bubble over and it's going to hurt other people at some point. And it's just not going to be healthy. So, I mean, self-compassion is a big, a big part of it, you know, kind of what you're saying, like, would I treat my daughter this way?

No.

Then why am I treating myself this way? I'm a daughter of God. He does not want me to treat myself this way, you know? And so, yeah, I think it's just made for healthier relationships, to be honest.

Well, when's the next fashion show?

I know, so fun. Well, we've got— I've got a lot of different things that I'm doing, um, so I'd love to have one like every season. That'd be so fun.

Yeah, I'm just planting the seed.

I know, I love it. It was honestly so fun. We had over like 100, um, creatives, like actors, writers, you know, people in the entertainment industry that were there. And I had this darling girl, Ellie. She was my director of the fashion show and she is amazing. I mean, it was so fun to just put her in position and let her rock it. Like, we just had a great time. It was so fun.

Awesome. Well, what, what's the next thing that you're excited about coming up?

So I've had this talk show in mind for a couple of years. I've had a podcast for— I had a podcast, but this is a little bit different. And, um, we've got— and I've been developing it for a couple years now. I think we're getting ready to like, um, look for some funding. But, uh, but it's a really cool show. I'm 40, almost 49, never been married, never been engaged because I've been scared and God's been teaching me about love for a long time. And, um, so the idea is I'm gonna go out in Hollywood and interview Christian couples and ask them questions like, What's one thing you thought was love but later realized it was toxic behavior?

So for me— Ooh, that's good.

That was like codependency, you know? And, um, the whole idea is like, is what Hollywood taught us about love, is it true? Is it about rom-coms and fairy tales? Is that what love is? I don't know. I don't know. I'm not the guru. I'm the investigative reporter. I want to know. What is love really? You know, as someone who's never been married or engaged yet, I want to know what is love. So I've done 5 interviews so far, and I'm telling you, like, the content we're getting is so fun because it's all different. And I'm learning. I'm personally learning so much, and I'm excited to be learning and then letting others come with me on, on it. So God said, do 5 shows and then edit them together in a reel and then go look for money. So that's what we're doing, but I'm so excited. I think it would, it's going to be, yeah, I just think it's part of A, what I want to learn and B, I just want to bring people along with me. I think it'd be fun.

Yeah, that sounds fun. That sounds like so much fun. Well, now we're going to do something fun. We're going to do rapid fire questions. Are you ready? Just the first thing that, the first thing that pops in your head. Coffee or tea?

Coffee.

Morning routine or slow evenings?

Evenings.

Favorite way to reset your nervous system?

Scripting.

Love it. One word God keeps highlighting in this season?

He's proud of me.

Oh, a book that deeply impacted your life?

Blue Like Jazz.

What is it?

It's called Blue Like Jazz. It's by— oh darn, what's his name? He owns a marketing company now out of Nashville. His brain— Oh, okay.

I'll have to look that up. I've never heard of that one. Something people would be so surprised to know about you?

I live in 250 square feet.

You do?

Yeah.

Where? Oh my gosh.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

I know.

Well, you are, you are in LA, so I understand.

Exactly. I mean, the ocean's pretty close and I have pretty palm trees, but yeah, that, yeah, girl, I live in a tiny place.

Yeah. Okay. Well, uh, wow. Do you have a twin bed?

No.

No.

Oh, I don't know. I just happen to have a full bed. I don't know why, but I just do. Okay.

That was so weird.

Sorry.

I just had, I just wondered, just, you know, no filter, uh, uh, a self-love, a self-love soundtrack. If you had like a self-love soundtrack, what song would it be on?

I, the song that really healed my heart, which is so funny. me is, um, Just the Way You Are by Billy Joel. And it felt like a song that God was singing to me, like, just the way you are, like, you don't have to change yourself. Like, I just wanna, like, listen. You guys, listen to the song and imagine God is singing it to you. It's really beautiful.

Okay, we gotta play that song. Um, finish the sentence: if I fully trusted God, I would Probably get married. I love that. You're so awesome, Lindsay. Where's the best place people can find you to get your book, your hat, your courses, and and see when your show's coming out? Maybe a new fashion show. All the good things. Where's the best way for people to find you?

Love Abba Abba Father dot com. Love Abba Father dot com. Yes.

Okay, we'll have that in the. We'll have in the show notes. So if you're driving or you're on a run or wherever you are in the world listening to this show, it'll all be in the show notes for you. Lindsay, thank you so much for being here with us and thank you for your conversation. Just your honesty, your wisdom, and a reminder that we don't have to hustle for our worth or earn God's love to build something meaningful. It just means a lot. And friends, thank you for being here. Thank you for tuning into the show every week and making this a top 1% podcast. It's because of you that the show is at a top 1%, and thank you. Thank you. If you found value in this episode, please share it with a friend and spread the love. And I can't wait to see you next week, Lindsay. Thank you again, and we'll see y'all. Thank you. We'll see y'all next week.