How to Build a Successful Business Without Losing Yourself with Lacey Newman

How did you start to set those boundaries, and did it upset people?

It was really hard, if I'm going to be honest. It was really hard. Like you said, it's hard to discipline yourself first and foremost, because for me, that responsiveness was not only because I wanted to be in the service of the person, it was also for my own nervous system regulation.

I would respond quickly because I was Well, how do you decide what to let go of and what to stay with or keep?

Ultimately, every day I get up and I ask myself, is what I'm doing aligning me with my highest purpose? And I work every day to make sure that I'm saying yes to as many things that I feel truly are my purpose, and then no to as many things that I know just aren't a fit anymore.

Thank you for joining in. I'm so glad you're here today because today's conversation, we're talking about something I know so many of you, including me, need to hear. Our guest today is Lacey Newman, a top 1% luxury real estate agent, host of an Emmy-nominated TV show, founder of a multi-seven-figure team, and a woman who has completely redefined what success looks like. Y'all, What I love most about Lacey is she didn't just build her success by hustling harder. She built it by doing something much, much braver. She walked away after years of chasing every lead, saying yes to everything and wearing exhaustion like a badge of honor. She hit a breaking point, especially when she became a single mom of 2. And instead of burning out completely, she chose to rebuild on her own terms. Now she's here to teach us, y'all. She's going to add some value to give us some lessons on how to trade the chase for traction, how to move from operator to CEO, and how to build powerful, profitable business without losing your peace, your sanity, or sense of self. So I am so excited to dive in, especially if you felt exhausted on the outside or I guess I should say successful on the outside. I look a little exhausted on the outside most of the time, but feel exhausted on the inside. This episode's for you. So Lacey, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for having me, Amberly. I'm just tickled to be here with you today.

Well, thank you. And thank you for your patience because we had a little technical hiccup before. So I was like, oh my goodness. So thank you for your flexibility. You're amazing. Um, and we've already spoken on the phone once before, and it's so good to see your beautiful face and follow you on social media. And I have been there. Well, I've been a single mom. I was a single mom for years. I was a hard worker and I pushed and pushed and I wore that really like a badge of honor. Why do you think it is that women wear that exhaustion? As like a badge of honor and what is it actually costing them?

Oh my goodness. Well, the why, why do we wear exhaustion as a badge of honor? You know, I can just think to so many conversations that I've had over the years with other women. I would maybe have my kids in preschool and I'd bump into a mom in the hallway and be like, hey, how you doing? And she's like, oh my gosh, I'm so busy. And I'm like, oh, I'm so busy too. You know, we just, We default, I think, to needing to prove ourselves. It's almost like we have to prove our own worth by how much we can actually hold. And I have a guess that you are probably really, really, really good at holding a lot. And I'm great at holding a lot. And probably all of your listeners, if somebody's listening to this episode, they can probably relate to being exceptionally capable. But what it actually costs us is we are, we put ourselves last. We put everybody else's needs in front of our own. We want to be successful. We want to be amazing mothers. We want to be amazing business people, but we just say yes to too many things and we carry too much and it ends us. We end up becoming the bottleneck, not only in our own business, but in our lives.

Well, I, I agree. And I've been there before where I'm like, how did I get myself in this position? I mean, I know I'm the one that did it. How did I get myself in this position where I am answering 2 million emails and introducing a million people because they want to know somebody for their podcast or they want to get them on their stage? Sometimes I, I love connecting people, but sometimes I feel like an agent. And there have been times I'll admit that I get through the day and I'm like, Oh my goodness, I've done all these things for other people and I didn't work on my own business. And I think that does come from some self-worth, like, let me just help you. Let me just do everything for everybody else. And then there's like nothing left for yourself. How does someone start to go, okay, I need to stop? Well, first of all, what's the difference between an operator, being an operator in your business or a CEO?

Okay. So being an operator in your business is exactly what you just described. You're the one doing it all. When somebody says, hey, can you, of course you say yes, because you can, because you're more than capable of it. And if you've built a business as wonderful as yours, you are the best at doing everything. You are the one who knows all the answers to all the questions, and you generally can do it better and faster. And at a higher level than everyone else. But when we finally accept the fact, and it usually, like you've had your story, I've had my story, probably everybody listening knows what it feels like to hit that breaking point. You get to a moment that you go, I just can't do it this way anymore. For me, that was when I became a single mom at, I was 34. My children were 3 and 5 at the time. I had been selling real estate already for almost 10 years, but not very successfully. If I'm being honest, I really, really struggled. And our real estate industry, like so many others, attracts a kind of person who loves to serve, who loves to give, who loves having the answers to everybody's question, who loves to be able to make things happen for other people. And those are all beautiful qualities and such givers and such compassionate, empathetic people. But what ends up happening is we get to a place that we realize that it's not sustainable anymore. And so what, you know, when you step out of that operator mode and into that CEO mode, which is very hard for a lot of us, it's where we have to accept that even though somebody might not do it as well, as fast, At as high a level as we might be able to do it on our own. Making that compromise is really what has to happen if we are going to hit our next level, which might look like making more money, or it might just look like keeping the same amount of money and having a lot more time with our family.

Yeah. What was that breaking point for you? You were a single mom, your hours of work, juggling everything around. What was that moment that was like, I can't continue on like this for you?

Well, you know, it was, I think if I'm being honest, it was fear. It was having for the very first time to be 100% responsible for myself financially, 100% responsible for my home, for my safety, for my security, um, parenting completely on my own. And at that time, as you described, I was a real estate agent. I worked 24/7. I was available around the clock. I was doing everything for everybody. And, and the real estate industry really prides itself on responsiveness. And I thought for the first 10 years of my career, I thought that my job was to respond to my clients' needs as quickly as possible. I thought that that was the job. And, but because I was in this new place and I was completely responsible for myself, and I did not want my business to take me away from my children any more than I already was just by virtue of the fact that I was having to split time with my little kids between myself and their dad. And so I just really drew a line in the sand and said, I'm not going to operate like this anymore.

Mm-hmm.

And so it was, it was my why. It was wanting to spend more time with my kids and be a present parent, not have my my phone laying face up on the dinner table and jumping up and going and taking a call, or I used to hide in the pantry. Do you, have you ever hidden from your children in your pantry? That's what I was doing all the time.

I know people hide in the pantry, hiding in the bathroom. And, you know, I remember, and this is, my mom told me this years ago, I think it's before I even had kids, she worked so hard and she had 5 kids and she said that she would pull into the garage and the garage door would shut and she would just stay in the car for a little bit just to have time to herself.

Yes, yes, absolutely. And mine's the bathtub, by the way. That's the, that's my, um, my recharging station is getting in the tub. But, but I mean, I was, I was working from the pantry, which is crazy, but I just, I just said no more. I said, I can't do it like this. And, and honestly, that's when my business took off.

Wow. Setting those boundaries. Well, you know what? I, we teach people how quickly we're going to respond. We teach people how to treat us. And, um, I had to set some strong boundaries because when I first, in what I would do, and I think for me, it really started in first knowing my values, what was the most important thing to me. And having to stop myself. And let me ask you if you've ever done this. I like to get back to people quickly. I don't like to leave people hanging. I wanted to tell them I'm going to do something. I want to get it done right then and there. Um, but I found myself emailing at 2 o'clock in the morning, 4 o'clock in the morning, and somebody called me out and they said, first of all, What are you doing sending me an email at 2 o'clock in the morning? And I was working. And I was like, oh, oh, I forgot. They can see that I'm working right now because they, you know, and so I had to set like timeline because it's easy to work because I have my home office, a timeline of no, I'm not going to respond on a Sunday. That just works for me. Or no, I'm not going to respond past 9 o'clock at night, whatever that may be. And that really helped. It gave me a peace, peace of mind because I was like, well, no, it's Sunday. I don't return messages on Sunday. You know what I mean? Um, how did you start to set those boundaries and did it upset people?

It was really hard. If I'm going to be honest, it was really hard. Like you said, it's hard to discipline yourself first and foremost, because for me, that responsiveness was not only because I wanted to be in the service of the person, it was also for my own nervous system regulation. I would respond quickly because I was afraid I was going to forget, or I was afraid that something was going to happen. And, you know, so it was, it was me micromanaging my own nervous system was that, that doer response. And so the first thing I had to do was really. Get clear with who am I doing this for? Because is that, is that email that I just got about something that's 2 weeks from now, is it really an emergency? No. Does it warrant a response in 30 minutes? No, it is something that absolutely can wait. And so I realized it was me doing it. It wasn't about the thing. Because the thing in it, that's by virtue of an email, it's generally not an emergency. If anything was an emergency, they'd pick up the phone. So just the email itself means this is not something that's super time sensitive usually. So it was really getting honest with myself about, was I really doing it for other people or was I just doing it to make myself feel better, to be ticking the box, to be checking something off my to-do list and feeling productive? And, and then from there it really became having to reset expectations with other people because it's really easy to set expectations with someone on the front end. You know, you meet a new client, you say, this is how I work. You set the boundary from the beginning. Cool. Everybody's fine. But when you have trained your clients that you're going to respond within 30 seconds when they text you, then all of a sudden they're like, well, where'd she go? Is she sick? What happened to her? Because we've trained people how to, how to, what to expect from us. We've trained people how to teach us or how to treat us. And so it took. Quite a bit, especially with existing clients that I had at the time, for them to reset expectations around, I'm stepping into a different role. I'm not going to be the one doing every single thing for you anymore. I'm going to let my team support me and you might have to wait 12 hours for an email back instead of 12 minutes. And so, yeah, it did take some time and, and nobody was mad at me. But I put a ton of pressure on myself. I felt bad for doing it.

Sounds like you, you're, uh, we're a lot alike where I, I can be very hard on myself about things and it is hard. It is hard sometimes. I think it helped me, um, that I once had an assistant that really helped me with that. She would get on me because no, you are not going to respond until 8 o'clock tomorrow morning. No, don't get back to that. Like she was, and, and she would, I think it helps when I had this assistant that was kind of like, she was the, the bad guy. Like she would, she would be the one who'd go, no, Amberly absolutely can't do that. Nope. That's not going to work. No, she cannot get on a call with you. No. And I was like, whoa. It was, it was a little bit scary, you know, but Yes. But I think you have to find that, uh, in between, like what works. Because to me, nothing like too harsh is good. I want to, I'm in a service business. I don't want to like push people away. But speaking of pushing away, how did you walk away from, so you say you walk away from that type. If you, you walked away, what would you not have learned had you not walked away?

Oh my goodness. Well, and, and which walk away are we talking about, Amberly? Because I, I mean, I have become a pro of walking away from things that are not aligned. I mean, it's, it's crazy. I never thought that, um, I didn't like change. I'm like everybody else. I didn't like change. I stayed too long. I've, I've done all the things, but over, I think probably, you know, I'm in my mid-forties. Like I think over the course of the last decade, I've gotten really good at stepping away from things that weren't aligned for me anymore. And so whether it was a marriage that wasn't a great fit, or it was the real estate team that I was on originally, or it was the partnership that had lasted 9 years, or it was production when I needed to be the CEO, I have gotten really, really good at stepping into the next thing. Because I know that what is always required is letting some parts of it go, letting some things that have made you successful, they have to go before you can go to your next step. And so I think that getting really good at accepting that you can't just continue piling on your own plate. Every time you want to add something great, you got to let go of 3 or 4 things that are not not supposed to be there anymore. And that's okay. And it's scary and it's hard in the beginning, but the more you do it, it's like a muscle. And people sometimes are disappointed, but you've got to get used to disappointing people and you've got to choose having the life you want over making everyone else happy.

Well, how do you decide what to let go of and what to stay with or keep?

So ultimately every day I get up and I ask myself, is what I'm doing aligning me with my highest purpose? Is this, you know, I'm a, I'm a spiritual Christian. Like, is this, is this the life God wants me to lead? Is this the path I'm supposed to be on? Is this the highest and best value of Lacey that can be? And I work every day to make sure that I'm saying yes to as many things that I feel truly are my purpose. And then no to as many things that I know just aren't a fit anymore. But I want to click into what you said as you were talking about that person that you have that was helping you hold those lines, that relationship, having another woman, especially who is in your corner, who's on your team. Maybe it's a family member. It doesn't have to necessarily be—

Oh, my, my husband's good at helping me hold the lines.

But having that person in your life who really sees you, understands your dreams, knows your true worth, and can help hold you accountable to yourself, to you continuing to move into your highest purpose, is so, so helpful. And for me, on the work level, that's, um, that's Meryl, who's my COO, and she is 24 years old. I mean, I could easily be her mother, but I call her my boss. Because, I mean, somebody will say, hey, Lacey, can you do whatever? And I look at Meryl and she looks at my calendar and she's like, nope, no, she cannot. Um, or I'll run something by her and she's like, Lacey, is that what you really want to do? Or is that just something that you can do? And there's a difference. Is it, is it really aligned or is it something you just can do? And if it's just something I can do, but somebody else could do it, then we, we realign to that. And so having that. Having that person to help hold you accountable, that, that sees you, that understands your dreams, and that will not let you slide back into old habits is so, so important.

That's so good because it really is easy to slide back into old habits. And it starts with, oh, well, it'll be, it'll just be faster if I do it. Oh, this'll just take a second. Oh, I can type out these emails just really fast. So it's easy to slide back into that, but yeah, it is good. I've got one of my best friends that she really holds me like, she's like, uh, she'll say, Amberly, don't you respond to that person. She'll say, nope, that doesn't even get a response from you. Like she's, she's hardcore. And then my husband is like, enough, Amberly, enough. Like he's, he holds me accountable, but yeah, it does help. And, um, this assistant that I had, she would even call. Or email or even call wherever I was going to speak or do a book signing. And she would say, she is only going to be at the book signing and she must have security. She only is going to be there for an hour. Then she needs to be escorted to her hotel room. She was like, you know, militant.

Yeah.

But it was actually like the first time that I had somebody, well, my very first assistant, Jesse. Oh, I loved her. She's had kids and decided just not, not to work. She, that's what she does. She's, her work is a full-time mom, but I love her and miss her. And she looked after me. Oh my gosh. She would pull me away. She would sneak a protein bar under the table. I think that it really is important to know who's in your corner and are they looking out for your best self. So I'm so happy for you that you have somebody that does that for you. How did you, and I love the question, can I do it? What did you say? Can I, could I do it?

Right.

Or, or should you do it?

Could I do it or should I do it? I mean, that's, and hey, we can should all sorts of things. So I hesitate to use the word should. It's more, is this whatever it is, is this opportunity, is this client, is this connection, is this coffee, is that whatever it is that's being asked for your time, is this really in alignment with my highest purpose? The big dreams that I say that I'm going after, is this really what is in the highest service of where I'm going in my life and how I want my life to be? Or is it just something that I could do? I, maybe I should do. I'm telling myself I should do it. Um, but there's a big difference. Between, is it really living on purpose or is it just saying yes to everything that comes in?

Just checking another box, checking another box. I think that's really good to do that pause and ask yourself, because I'm really like, I'm always like, yeah, I want to do it. Yes. Yes. Yes. And I've had to kind of slow down and go, wait a minute, let me think about this. And, and so I love that you're saying that. That's That's such a great reminder. Um, how does someone, if they're like, well, I don't know if this is in alignment with my highest purpose and this and that, how does somebody start to know what their values are, what they are aligned with? What are some steps they can take?

Oh, that's such a good question. The number one thing is you've got to have time to ask yourself. You have to carve out space. For me, that is my, my morning time. I am a, I'm an early bird. So my favorite time of the day is before anybody else is awake.

Me too.

And I love to go sit and I'll take my coffee and I'll take my journal and I'll listen to some music and I will sit there and just really not have any kind of agenda, but just let whatever is coming up for me come. And because truly, if you aren't carving out the space to think about how you want your life to live, you're really just living in default.

And I'm going to say, so Lacey, you were telling me you're a morning person. It's your favorite part of the day. It's my, it's my favorite part of the day too.

Perfect. Okay. So the question that we left off was, um, was if you don't know what's in alignment, if you don't know what you really, what your highest purpose is, how do you find it? Okay. Got it. back on track. Okay.

And here we go. Yes. So if someone doesn't know what their highest purpose is, what, what are, what are they aligned with? What their purpose is? How do they start to know so they can make better decisions when they're asked to do certain things? Because there's a lot of shiny objects out there, a lot of opportunities that might look like, oh, I should do this or I should do that. And I'm sensitive to the word should as well. But yeah, how does somebody know what their true alignment is?

This is such an important question. I'm so glad we're hitting on this because if you aren't carving out time for yourself to listen to your own inner knowing, you're not going to know. How will you know? You're just, you're just out there responding, like you said, to every shiny object that gets in front of your face. So, For me, what that looks like, I am a morning person. My absolute favorite time of day is while it's still dark with a cup of coffee before anybody else is awake. Um, call me crazy, but I love that time. And so I'll take my coffee, I'll go to journal, but I don't necessarily have an intention. Um, but I just kind of sit down and, and just kind of wait for whatever comes up for me and I'll, I'll write about whatever's on my mind, but whatever that looks like for you, it is, it's just carving out the space to block out other noise and hear yourself think. I think that's really what it is, is if you're, if you aren't listening to yourself, then you're only listening to what's going on in the outside world and you aren't necessarily doing anything that's in alignment with what you truly want.

Oh, that's so good. And you know, it's something that I tell my mastermind. members all the time is, you know, there were a couple of ladies that were like, oh, I'm just so burnt out with social media and it's just so much. And I said, well, you know, are you scrolling? And they're like, yeah. I'm like, are you scrolling before you are creating? Like, yeah. I'm like, don't do that. You, I do not. And believe me, I'm tempted. I want to open up Instagram. I'm, I'm going to be honest. I want to see what's going on on Instagram. I will not open up Instagram until I know what it is, what my intentions are, what's on my heart to share. And, you know, some people think it's crazy that I still do all my own social media, but I do because I feel the most connected to my audience, to my friends there when I do it. But I think that when you start your day first thing with opening up your emails or checking your phone or scrolling through social media, there's so much noise that you don't know, you know? And I'm saying this from like last year was a great year, but it was a crazy year. And I was pulled in so many different directions and did so many different things, which I'm blessed that I got to do those things. But I have to admit, I lost myself a little bit in that and I had to pause. And I took some time in December and I was like, what brings me joy? And so I think that's a good question for you to ask is what lights you up? What brings you joy? That's the first, that's your first clue, because if it brings you joy, it's not even going to feel like work. To me, when something brings me joy, you're going to have to pull me away from it. And so I think it's crucial to spend that time just so you can hear yourself. Even going for a walk. I'm going to admit this morning I took Nugget out for a walk and I have a, you know, a launch and early bird prices are Gone and I got a post about it and I found myself posting as I was walking Nugget and I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no, put the phone down. And I had to put the phone. So I'm telling on myself right here. But you know what? It takes discipline and it takes practice because it is easy to go back into those behaviors because you, I've spent a lifetime doing them. And so back to what you said earlier about that accountability, and do you do like a grat— you said you do journaling. Do you do like a sort of gratitude practice or anything like that?

I do. I love the 5 Minute Gratitude Journal. It is just so easy. It is. I mean, it is. If I sat down with an empty journal, which I do sometimes, I will occasionally sit down with a pen and an empty journal and fill pages. But what I will always do is my gratitude journal. And I keep it, I keep a little tote bag and it's, well, it's hanging on the door of my office right now. So it's always kind of somewhere around my house. I've got a little tote bag. It's got the pen in there and maybe I'll grab it out of my office and go sit down on the couch. Maybe I'll take it upstairs to my room, but I will, I will make that be in front of my face and around me so that I don't forget it. And that one practice of just writing down what I'm thankful for has unlocked so much connection with myself and hearing my own voice. And what you just said, what lights you up? Because absolutely, if— I think joy is just the highest frequency. If we, we can never get exhausted doing things that make us joyful. We can never, it doesn't feel like work doing things that we truly love. I mean, it's what. It's what bounces me out of bed in the morning. I wake up every day because I love the way I've designed my life so much now that I get out of bed because I'm excited about what I'm doing every day. And that is so different than how I lived most of my life. And it's such a blessing. But, but yeah, carving out, carving out that intentional time to give yourself to know what you really want to do and what makes you happy and what lights you up is Is really all you have to do. It's not any more complicated than that.

Yeah. Well, Lacey, I love this and I love hearing that you wake up and you're excited to get out of bed. I'm going to tell you, most mornings I love my life. Don't get me wrong, but I get out of bed and I walk around like I'm about 120, especially with this broken foot that I have right now. And it takes me a while. I'm like an old engine and I have to Slowly warm up, whereas I used to when I was younger. I got quite a few years on you. When I was younger, I would pop out of bed, throw a baseball cap on, my tennis shoes, and I was out. I was just gone, out the door running. Um, there are some people listening. I know somebody's listening right now going, gosh, well, I want to wake up and be excited about the day. What's one thing there's There's somebody listening right now, and I know you're stuck or you're unhappy or you want more joy. And right now you're not the CEO. You feel like the operator. You feel like the people pleaser. I've been there. What is one thing that they can start to do today to shift that to where they can wake up and feel more joyful?

I would say, give yourself 15 minutes. Just 15 minutes every single day. Maybe it's a gratitude practice at the beginning of the day. Maybe it's a walk without headphones, without your phone, without an agenda. Like you said, maybe it's sitting in your car in the garage alone. Maybe it ever works. Maybe it's hiding in the pantry from your children. Um, whatever it is, just give yourself the time to choose yourself.

Yeah.

And do something that, that is only in service of you. Because none of the women that I'm around have a problem with being selfish to the detriment of others. We are overgivers. We are overdeliverers. And where we are selfish is with ourselves. We don't treat ourselves the way we treat other people. We don't deliver for ourselves the way we deliver to other people. We would never, we would never go back on our word to others, but we go back on our word to ourselves every day when we skip the gym or we, you know, don't go get our hair done when our roots are grown out half an inch. You know, I mean, we put ourselves last all the time. We put everybody in front of ourselves. And so just giving yourself 15 minutes. Nothing more than that.

That's so good. That's so good, Lacey, and such a good reminder. And I have to say, I don't rely on motivation because that's fleeting. I rely on discipline. And this morning, my day is back to back to back today. And this morning I carved out, I've been carving out windows so I can go move my body. And I carved out this small window and I saw it getting smaller and smaller and smaller. And I had to talk to myself and say, Amberly, you promised yourself you were going to get your butt to the gym. So even if it's 25 minutes, it's 20 minutes in the gym. You're going to do whatever you can for 20 minutes. And, and I did. And when you keep those promises to yourself and there, yes, I am walking, hobbling around. I can still do some. You'd be amazed how much, how many leg exercises you can do still with a broken foot. But, um, when you keep those promises to yourself, it builds that self-trust. It builds that self-confidence. But you're so right. I never looked at it that way as we keep our promises to other people. I would never tell somebody, I'm going to do that for you. And not do it.

Never.

But you're right. I've done that to myself.

Every day. Every day.

So I'm going to think of you the next time I want to skip the gym. And I'm going to be like, wait a minute. I told myself I'm going to break a promise to myself. I wouldn't do that for a friend. Wouldn't do that to my daughter. You are so right.

Yeah.

But also, I just want to tell you something that changed something for me a long, long time ago. When I was in the fitness industry, I would train sometimes 12, 13 clients, 14 clients back to back to back. And there was one day I was in the gym and the owner of the gym, this is when I first started out training, very first, probably my second year. And he goes, man, you look like you're a deer staring into headlights. And I said, oh, I haven't had any food. He goes, you haven't had any food? Did you not pack food? And I was like, No. He goes, did you pack food for your lunch, uh, for your daughter for school today? And I was like, well, of course I did. He goes, then why wouldn't you pack food for yourself? And I was like, that one thing changed everything. After that, I started food prepping every Sunday and I always had food with me. Sometimes all it takes is hearing that one thing from someone.

Yeah, absolutely. And it's, and it reminds me of what we were talking about at the very beginning. We are so capable. You can train 13 clients in one day without eating. You know, you are—

But that's like suffering.

Oh no, I know, but you can.

That's so crazy.

But you can. But just because you can do it doesn't mean you should do it. And you know, you would never send your daughter off to school with and without food. Now, You know, I got a, I got a junior in high school. Like I'm lucky if I can get her to take a Perfect Bar out the door on her way.

That's my, that's my daughter in high school. She wasn't feeling good today. I'm like, well, did you, she, you don't want me to pack you a lunch anymore, but did you? Did you?

Exactly. Exactly. But we can do all these amazing things. We can do so much more. And because we are givers and because we want to show up for our families and we want to show up for our friends and we want to show up for our clients. We're the ones who end up with the short end of the stick and we overwork and we get exhausted and we get burned out and we get cranky. Oh, so cranky. So cranky, you know, but it's, it's just like, you know, it's the old saying, like, do unto others, but it's no, do unto you as you would do unto others.

Yeah.

We have it backwards. We, we are functioning for everybody else at the detriment of ourselves.

Oh, I love that. Um, well, I want to talk to you about, you talk about visibility over perfection, which I love because I think so many people want to do so many things, but they're like, oh, but it's not perfect yet. I can't do that post because I don't have that, that I don't know how to do Instagram very well. Or, That's not pretty, or, oh, I see my wrinkles, or, oh, my roots need to be done, or whatever that it is. How do you think high achieving women hide behind perfection?

Oh my goodness. We carry it as a, just a flag of excuses. We, um, we hide behind perfection as it's procrastination. That's what it is. And here is, here's the thing in 2026. We have no excuse anymore because AI makes everything beautiful. We cannot create social media content that is as beautiful as AI is. There are influencers, there are thought leaders on Instagram that are fake humans. They don't even exist. They are pretend AI people that are out. Speaking and creating great content. So here's what's really cool about 2026 is that perfectionism, like perfect is no longer in because perfect—

It's not. I mean, I couldn't believe you're so right. Do you know, I saw this one guy, he was like a monk and he's got all these followers and I bought into it at first. And then I was like, oh my gosh, this is AI.

That's not a real person.

Yeah. And so I'm all about, yeah, my hair, my roots need to be done. Like I'm real. Look at the wrinkles. You know, I'm proud of these now.

That is what is going to resonate. That is what now resonates and will continue to resonate with people more than anything else is they need to see your flaws so they know that you're real. They need to see the imperfect. I'm in my bathrobe at the coffee maker. And, and half of what I said was stupid. It doesn't matter. You've just got to show up for the people that need to hear you. And so, yeah, that, that trying to make it perfect thing is out because, because that isn't, that isn't what works anymore. People need to know you're a real person and the best way to connect is just to be raw and unedited and unscripted and just show up. And so, but yeah, I've been 100%. We have all been hiding behind perfectionism. But, you know, you, what you just said a minute ago where you were like, I don't understand Instagram. I'm like, none of us understand Instagram. You know, you can't.

Oh, it's always changing. It was, it changed again. And now lately it's like erasing the covers that I put on Reels and I'm like, oh my gosh, what's happening with my account? It's like always changing.

Always.

And that's why I also tell like my clients, I was like, Yes, it's great. You need to be posting, you need to be visible, but you also need to have a great website and a great email list because we don't own social media. It could all disappear. But so that's why we need to own, you know, really nurture what we do own. So how do you think someone can show up with authority and authenticity at the same time?

Oh, okay. I love this. This is one of my favorite things. So I, I call it the GOLD framework. All right. This is what I do myself. And you start with essentially gathering the grit. Okay. People don't resonate with your perfection. They resonate with your realness. And so I will actually think of things that happened in my life that are not the perfect shiny moments. They're actually the really hard moments. I'll give you a perfect example. It is, as the date of this recording, it is February 23rd. I have made a $30,000 business mistake already this year. I'm not going to tell you what it is for privacy purposes, but I have made a mistake already in the first 2 months of this year that has cost me $30,000. That is the kind of thing people want to know and understand.

Mm-hmm.

That is real. That's the truth. And so I will take the gritty things in my life that happen. And I will share the wisdom that I got out of it. And then the takeaway for the person listening to it. And that's what people want to know. They don't want to know how many, you know, gazillions of dollars of whatever you sold. They don't want to know. They don't want to see the perfect, you know, most polished post that's just gorgeous on every level. Like they want value and value is not, let me show you how great I am. Value is, let me show you kind of where, where my mistakes were so that you can learn from them faster. And that's absolutely what it is.

Well, I call that a very expensive lesson because I'm, I, I had a very, I wouldn't call, I used to call it a mistake, but it was $50,000 and I call it a very expensive lesson that I will never forget. No, but I have learned so much. I'm grateful For all that I've learned from all the gritty things that I've gotten through, whether it's been business things or figuring things out, you know, I didn't even own a computer. I got my first computer before I wrote my first book. I mean, I, I wrote my first book and then bought a computer and typed it up, a laptop and typed it up. And so I have a web guy, Malik, who he's on my team and he's amazing, but He is so sweet. He will, I'll like screen share and he'll talk because he lives in California and he'll talk me through how to do things. I'm like, oh my gosh, you're so smart. And it's probably like really basic stuff on a computer, you know, but you know, that's what, that, that's the beauty and what we learn things and then we can teach others so they don't have to make the same mistakes.

That is all I want, honestly. I mean, everything I know, everything, everything that I share is only from life lived experience and, and making the wrong choice. And then now knowing what to do differently and wanting other people to, to not step in it the same way that I did in so many ways.

Um, yeah. But yeah, but I like, I would rather learn from someone who has been through the trenches. come out the other side of a hardship and doing things, I would rather learn from that person.

Always.

Always. Well, what role did storytelling and branding play in shifting from chasing clients to attracting them?

Oh my goodness. So storytelling is one of the most powerful things that we have. I mean, to your point, What you just said hit the nail on the head. People want to learn and people want to work with people who know from earned authority, not just because they say they're great or they know. You can know what to do and you can tell somebody, you know, in the real estate industry, I can say, I can say, oh, well, I know exactly how to sell your house. But if I can tell you a case study, which I wouldn't call it a case study, I'd be like, hey, I had a client who was just like you, and this is what their situation was, and this is what happened. And then this was the great outcome that they got. That's totally going to resonate. I have a, um, I have a wonderful client named Vanessa who's in California, and she loves working with first-time homebuyers. And so one of the things that we've been working on together is how exactly, because let me tell you, like every real estate agent starts out working with first-time homebuyers. That is not, that is not a narrow niche. Right? That is kind of one of the biggies that, that is low-hanging fruit. And so how do we really get Vanessa to have a, to be able to set herself apart in an already saturated market? Well, when we did a deep dive into her story and really what she is all about, when she, she did her first real estate transaction at 19 years old, when her grandmother had just passed away. Her mother was going through treatment, I believe, for breast cancer. She was a 19-year-old kid who got tasked with having to figure out how to deal with some real estate on behalf of her family.

Wow.

And so her lived experience as a first-time home buyer came from not only being young, not only being inexperienced, but living through a time of immense grief and stress with her family. So when we take her true lived experience story and we weave that into her brand, she is attracting not only first-time homebuyers but clients galore because they want to work with somebody that has a backstory like that, who's gone through the grittiness of life and come out the other side. And so honestly, what I tell people is it's It's the things that you honestly kind of want to hide or maybe want to forget about. That's truly the gold. That is what will endear you to people, what will attract more people than your perfection ever will. You can be the smartest, best person in your industry, but if you don't have a good story to go with it, people aren't going to care.

That's powerful. Yeah. Really, I always say share your story from a scar and not an open wound.

One of my favorite quotes. So true.

And I say that because I just happened to be scrolling on Instagram and something popped up that was me from this interview. And I guess I cried on a podcast and it wasn't a, it wasn't a pretty cry. It was an ugly cry. Let me just tell you. And I was like, oh my gosh, that's on the internet. And I was like, crying. I don't even know what the question was. I was like, let me scroll past that. And so I think it's important to really do some healing and therapy. Like, I mean, I still do, um, but it helps to talk about it. So she's very lucky to have you that she could talk about and help you kind of curate her story to tell that. And I think that's really important. Um, and I know we're running out of time, so. Uh, just a couple more questions. What does aligned sustainable growth actually look like in real life? Hmm.

That's such a good question. You know, I've really been grappling with enoughness lately. I think that so many of us, again, capable, high-functioning women, we always want more because we can do more. And we tell ourselves we should do more, but to me, really knowing for yourself, and, and this is what I'm grappling with right now, so I don't have the answer, but I'm sitting a lot with what is enough? Like, what is, what is the number of clients? What is the amount of revenue? What is the number of opportunities that I can honestly say, this is enough for me?

Mm-hmm.

I don't want to go beyond this. I am comfortable at this level. It's having the perfect balance between contributing and having something that you can be proud of and having a business that you're like, I did this, this is mine. I feel like I'm living up to my highest potential and also having a life you actually like living. Because like you said, last year you had an abundance of opportunities and it was absolutely amazing. And then you said you also kind of lost yourself along the way.

Yeah.

And so it's not, it's not winning if we continue to, you know, move our business up and to the right year after year, but we are constantly just losing little bits of ourselves or relationships. I mean, I, I had a, had a very bad habit in a past relationship of I would work weekends instead of being with my partner. I would get up really early and get on the computer instead of spending time having coffee with him. I have been in a season of over the past few years of prioritizing my work over the people around me. And I've made a commitment to myself now that I'm not ever going to do that again. And so really figuring out like, where is that line where you can say, could there be more? Maybe there could, but I don't need there to be more because I'm happy with the B. I don't like the word balance because, you know, balance only lasts for one second and then you're off balance again. But what is the, what is the ratio? of work and effort as compared to the rest and the enjoyment of it and the joy of being around the people that you love. Like, what is, what is that perfect mix for you? And knowing what that is and being content with when I hit this level, I'm good with being right here.

Yeah, that's beautiful. And I think this was such a great conversation and good reminder, um, For me and for you listening to check in with yourself, what brings you joy? What's the ratio of how many hours are enough? What are your work hours? How much money in the bank is it going to take until you are satisfied and you feel safe? Like, what are the numbers? What do you want? So this has been amazing. What's the best place Like if people want to get in touch with you for real estate or to see you in action on stages or come to any of your events, um, and connect with you, uh, what's the best place for, for people to find you?

The gram. The gram is where I spend my time. Um, try not to spend too much of it on there, but yeah, my, uh, my Instagram is Aligned with Lacey, and that is where I just, I talk about all the things and I love creating a community of like-minded women that are, that are all, you know, I am not sitting here from a place of having figured it all out. I am actively figuring it out as I go along. And I love having more and more people that want to figure it out next to me so we can all support each other in this.

We are all just trying to figure it out. Let me just say, we are all just trying to figure out. Well, thank you so much, Lacey. This conversation was such a powerful, powerful reminder that success isn't about doing more. It's really about becoming more aligned. And I know so many of our listeners need it, including me, needed this permission slip to build something that not only looks good on paper, but really feels good to their soul. So, um, thank you for being on the show. And as always, joy is a strategy. Resilience is your superpower, and your alignment will take you further than hustle ever could. I will see y'all next week. Thank you again.