Asking Yourself the Right Questions with Crystal & Mark Victor Hansen

Thank you for tuning in to the True Grit and Grace podcast. I'm Amberly Lago, and I'll be sharing inspirational stories of resilience and empowering ideas to elevate your business and your life, ignite your passion, and fuel your purpose. Hey, and welcome to True Grit and Grace. So grateful that you have tuned in. If you want greater love, if you want happier relationships, if you want to know how to connect with people better, if you want things to work out in your favor, if you want better sales, and if you want to have a greater impact on the world and more abundance, then I am especially glad that you're here. And you're going to want to go out and buy a book after you hear this interview because it's one of the best books I have ever Red, I have the co-authors right here with me today, Mark and Crystal Hansen. So you probably know Mark Victor Hansen from the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. I mean, he's only sold 500 million copies of the book, but they have co-wrote their newest book, Ask: The Bridge from Your Dreams to Your Destiny. And if you're watching on YouTube, he's holding the book up right now. Y'all gotta check him out. And his gorgeous wife, Crystal, you know, You guys are making such a difference. You're responsible for encouraging transformative change, making millions of people feel more worthy and capable. And we were just talking before we started and I'm like, I have so many sticky notes and show notes to ask you and all kinds of stuff. So I am truly honored and so grateful to have you here with me. Thanks for being on the show.

Gosh, Amberly, we're so grateful to be here with you.

We followed you as well, and your work has been incredible.

You took one of your biggest adversities and, and turned it into something that's made such a difference for so many people. So what an honor to be with you as well.

Oh, thank you. Well, I have to say, just when I first started your latest book— I have some of your other books, of course, that I've read— but when I started this new book, it changed things for me immediately. And I mean, thank you for your kind words, but I mean, talk about transformation. It really Got me thinking, okay, first thing when I wake up in the morning now, I write down what I've been dreaming about and I start asking questions. And it's really got me intentional about asking better questions. But the podcast is so much about grit and y'all both have it. I mean, both of your stories are just, they're incredible. And before we get into talking so much about your newest book, I just— there's so many people out there that want to write a book. And Mark, how many times were you turned down for Chicken Soup before you got a publisher to say yes?

Yeah, 144 people said hit the road, Jack, because they didn't like my partner.

No, no, Jack Canfield's brilliant. I just love that humor.

And I hope all of you— so many people know Jack and I both, so they know that we tease about each other. That's totally a tease. Jack's the most wonderful genius around. I mean, graduated 3rd in class at Harvard. But they also, even though we went to all these publishers starting in New York and then went to the ABA, they all said they couldn't see it. They said short stories don't sell, no short stories. So we at Random House would sell them, and we are— you guys are not smart enough to do that. And now we've sold, like you said, half a billion books, 254 different editions, 59 times number ones just with that Chicken series. So, you know, God bless us for Not believing it. Just one more little footnote, and that's just so fun, is that the lady at New York Times wouldn't sell us when we're selling 20,000 a week. And so Jack said— I said, she went to Harvard, you call her, she's one of your classmates. He wouldn't do it. He said, I'm afraid. I said, well, I'm not.

We're not there and we'll still not be there unless I call.

So I called and she said, well, you're a multi-authored book. So I asked her, I said, you're sure? Let me just ask you, are you sure that you don't take multi-authored? She said, absolutely. This is the New York Times. Don't you know anything? I said, well, look, lady, you got the Bible. It's got 66 authors. If we add maps in, 720. She said, you're in next week, boy.

Wow.

But you know what? That took such courage for you to be like, you know what, I'm gonna ask. I'm gonna— have you always been confident or, you know, courage, had the courage to go for it and ask for things?

Luckily, my parents didn't have any real serious money there. My daddy was a Danish baker, owned a little bakery shop, but you don't make money on rolls. So I wanted a bicycle and I had to ask my way forward so I could sell enough greeting cards to get the bicycle I wanted and started buying my own clothes at 9 years old. So I built up, forgive me for bragging, but supreme self-confidence. I think every kid's got to learn to W-O-R-K for M-O-N-E-Y so they build their own self-reliance, their own self-esteem. And we're going into a time when we, Crystal and I believe everyone's got to learn to ask to build their mind muscles so they can— mind and brain are different. Brain is inventory, that's school. Mind is what you think with, your imagination, your visualization, which is a predecessor to realization, which is what, you know, that's why we want everyone to learn these questions and ask and go over them with a mom, dad, brother, sister, churchmate, businessmate, whatever the deal is, so they grow and they get self-confidence. Because self-confidence is self-confidence, it's self-given.

Mm-hmm.

And most people have self-given taken away confidence rather than self-given. I've never said that before, but didn't that make sense?

Yeah, I, I love that. And you know what, I, I think it is important. There's, you know, I didn't grow up with— we hardly had any money. I mean, my mom worked 2 jobs and did the best she could, but, you know, she had 5 kids, and if we wanted something, I had to work for it. And I find myself sometimes it's hard because I had to work for— to take dance lessons. I had to work to buy my first car and, and started working when I was 13, babysitting when I was 8, which is kind of scary that I was in charge of little kids when I was 8 years old. But nowadays, you know, I see— I'm like, I want to give my kids what I didn't have. But there's a fine line where I'm like, I want them to know the value of the dollar. And I want, you know, So it's, it's tough. I don't want to raise a kid that is, you know, spoiled, or— and I want them to know how to, to value the dollar and build that confidence. So I think it is important for kids to have a job. And, um, I had your book on Audible in the car, and my daughter was scrolling through TikTok, and I said, no, you need to turn off the TikTok and you need to listen to this book. And I think this book is— I think it needs to be in the hands of every kid in every school and every library, because it really is a— well, the beginning, the story with Michaela is beautiful, and it really— It shows the power of the human spirit and how purpose propels us forward, and that we all have these gifts within us. And a lot of people think, well, I don't know what my purpose is. I don't have any special gifts. And I don't know. What would you say, like Crystal, what would you say to someone who is maybe sitting here listening going, well, gosh, that's great that he sold 500 million copies. And that's great. Crystal's beautiful. And she's got this successful career and coaches and speaks all over the place. But you didn't start from that. You were on food stamps at one time, and, and you, you tell this story of how you have both overcome so much. So what would you say a good question to— for a person to ask themselves? So you say ask yourself, ask God, or ask others, but what's a question they could ask to start figuring out what their purpose is and what their gifts are?

Right. And it's so contextual because everything, you know, I mean, we all have something different going on, but I will just Amberly, that, you know, all of us are going to find ourselves at these places where we have lost something. We have lost a marriage. We have lost our job, our business, maybe our health, had an injury, you know, all of these things. This is part of the university of life. No one escapes it.

Mm-hmm.

You look at someone like us, like you said, and you go, oh, they are so successful, or like you. And honestly, it is never that easy. I was, I thought, you know, high school was boring and I accelerated my curriculum and graduated at age 16 and married my boyfriend.

Wow.

5 years older. And so, you know, 5 years later, 2 and a half years later, I am in a city by myself, no family, no friends, baby on my hip, and honestly, no idea how I was going to support myself. And so I applied for food stamps and standing in the line that day, it was the question that dropped into my mind that literally saved my life because all of a sudden, first question was, how did I get here? You know, as I'm getting ready to turn it over for the diapers and the food. And then it was like, honestly, this question fell into my mind from somewhere, God, my higher self. It's like, are you doing the best you can with your, you know, are you taking the easy way out? And it was like the second that question fell into my mind, I busted. I knew I wasn't doing the best I could. I didn't even know what that was. that I knew I wasn't doing it. So, when I went home, I still had no answers, but something, the light went on. I had questions. That is the thing. When you have lost everything, we start to feel like we are spiraling out of control because the rulebook that we had before doesn't work any longer, right?

Mm-hmm.

We are playing by those set of rules and it is like, whoops, someone cleared the chess table and took away your chess pieces. Now, what do you do? So, it is so easy to spiral out of control and keep reaching for that old life that isn't there.

Yeah.

So, one tool that you always have is the question, and that is why Mark and I wanted to share this message. It has been so profound in our lives because it was that one question. Are you doing the best you can? Are you taking the easy way out? Knowing that made me go, no, there is something better. So, I just started asking questions like, who would hire me? How can I make money tomorrow? Because I came from this sort of my dad was an attorney, but we were very much raised in a kind of a pioneering background, 9 kids, you know, and everybody had to pull their weight. And I knew I couldn't go home.

Mm-hmm.

That wasn't even an option I considered. It's like, you made your bed, sweetheart, go figure it out. You know? So I'm like, who would hire me? Suddenly when I started asking questions, boom, that's what happens. God, the universe, your own mind starts to expand and connect to every opportunity. And I remembered hearing, Oh, there's these temporary service agents. I can go apply. So I call them up, I apply, they start sending me these jobs. I could say yes or no. And I started learning so much about myself. I learned that I loved small business. It was so cool to watch people just start a business from an idea. I loved that idea, that idea that you could create something from your own imagination, your own plan, and make it work. And I learned that I love sales. So at that point, I put myself through real estate school.

And how old were you at this point?

Oh my gosh, I was 20, 20 going on 21. Put myself through real estate school. Someone had said, you ought to go try to do some modeling. I literally stumbled in there not knowing a thing about it to the biggest agency in our city. And I asked them, 'cause I thought, I need to ask. They might say no, but what if they said yes? So fortunately, as I pretended to know what I was doing stumbling down the runway, You know, and I read some lines and they signed me and I got some television commercials. I was cast in some commercials. They went national.

Wow.

So a year and a half later from that time where I was like one eviction notice away from homeless, because I was getting eviction notices every month, like crying my head off. And, you know, from those food stamps, about a year and a half later, I'm now a licensed realtor. Working for the biggest home builder. I became realtor, like the number one realtor for the company. And I am getting these, I start getting these residual checks from Screen Actors Guild because once you make enough money—

National commercials? Oh my gosh. Every like model or actor dreams of getting a national commercial.

Right, exactly.

And I was just this little, you know, gal from Idaho where, you know, lots of spuds. You know, you would never think. But the only reason it happened, it was Because I realized I had to ask. I just had to keep asking because I knew I had nothing. So, I had nothing to lose. It is not like I was going to lose anything because I already had nothing to start with. That is so big. It is so empowering when you realize that, the power of the questions inside you, because what happens is you will ask a question and suddenly that downward spiral, you start to get an illumination and you start to see the light. So those doors, you know, that dead end that was right on you starts to, like, you see a little crack of light. You get this illumination. You ask more questions. You start to kind of get some solutions or form a plan. And all of a sudden, you start to live this completely different life. You know, it starts to open up. And just like you were saying, Amberly, you had the same experience when you started asking yourself again, asking yourself, asking others, and asking God.

Yes.

Yes. And, you know, I think it's so much too about asking the right questions. Because, you know, you can, in, in the worst situation or trauma, or at your lowest point, you can ask, you know, I could get caught up in that victim mentality and be like, oh gosh, what's the worst that's going to happen? Or you can say, what's the best that could happen? And I always You know, like after my motorcycle accident, when I lost my career, we had $2.9 million worth of medical expenses. It was just crazy. I was out of work for a year and a half and I was the main breadwinner and we had a lien on our house. And I started asking myself, well, what can I do? How can I still be of service? What could I do where I wouldn't have to be on my feet all day, but I could still work? And I think that is part of being resilient is as well as, and especially in these times where I remember when the pandemic hit, I immediately was like, okay, I can't see these people in person anymore, but what can I do? Well, we can do it through Zoom. Everybody started switching. And I remember talking to a friend of mine who was a personal trainer and she said, well, I'm just going to wait until this is over. And I'm like, no, you can't. You've got to do something now. But there are a lot of people that are afraid to ask questions. I mean, I remember there was a point in my— and I'm not afraid to ask questions anymore. And in fact, I remember I was asking— he's a friend of mine now, but his name's Trent Shelton. He's an awesome guy. And we had just done this speaking event together, and I had to ask him a business question. And so I messaged him, and my husband was like, You're gonna ask Trent Shelton? You're gonna ask him that question? And I was like, well, yeah, I need to know. I— what's— if, if I don't ask, then the answer is always no. So yeah, Trent actually called me back and he ended up saving me like $25,000 on this business deal I was gonna do just because I asked a question. But I remember there was a time when I did have, you know, a hard time asking questions, and I'll just share this really quick. And because I think this is true for a lot of people that have a hard time asking, something happened maybe in their childhood where they were shut down over and over and over. And I remember it was when I was about probably 11 or 12, I had gone to my dad and I was being sexually abused by my stepfather. And he told me not to tell anybody. And I finally got enough courage to go and tell my dad, and my dad didn't do anything about it. Now, my dad and I have a great relationship now. We've really healed all of that, and we do have a great relationship now. But at the time, as a little girl, I thought, I'm not worthy. Why ask? Because I'm not even worthy of being protected or taken care of. And so it just really shut me down, and I didn't ask for help for a long time. But it taught me, okay, if I want something, I gotta protect myself. I gotta do something for myself. And it helped me build grit. And that, that pain pushed me. I always say your pain pushes you until your vision pulls you. And I was the same as you, Crystal. I had this dream of being a professional dancer. I mean, I was doing some commercials. I didn't get national commercial though. That's why when you said that, I was like, that's amazing. Those residuals, that's money.

Real money. It is.

But I mean, it was really hard for me for a long time to ask questions. And then I learned out of desperation, because when I wanted to write my book, I was like, I didn't even have a computer 5 years ago, bought a computer, typed up my book. Now here we are on Zoom together. But what would you suggest to people who do have a hard time asking questions? Mark, what would you suggest for someone who's like, I'm afraid to ask, what would they need to do first?

Well, I want to talk to our 7 roadblocks, because that's what stops everyone from asking. And yours was the first roadblock we cover, which is a sense of Worthiness or unworthiness, depends on which way you want to look at it. And then obviously you got all the other stuff, like you got naivete, you got doubt, you got fear, you've got all this stuff, excuseology. And all that stuff swirls in our head all at once or one at a time. And that's why what we're getting is, you know, one day we got like 120 letters from different people saying, this changed my life, just like it said it changed yours. Because you start to look at it and go, wait a second. Right now unworthiness is big, but if I really work on it, I can make it small. And if I ask all the right questions, I can attack it. I can chisel it away. It's sort of like when we were in Italy, we saw the Michelangelo, and you read the— I bought the David book, of course. And how did he make David? He said, I chipped out everything that's not David. You and I are all— every one of us got to learn to ask to chip out all the negativity out of our own body. And all of us have had the yogurt hit the fan. That's what you and I and Crystal know. And then the subset of that is Anybody who doesn't believe they've got the right or the power to ask, the 3 of us right now are in congruent agreement and coherence saying, we give you full 100% permission to ask. And if somebody, you know, I tell people that are selling, I said, just say Mark Victor Hansen sent you or Crystal Hansen sent you or Amberly sent you. And then they go, well, now I'm strong. I can blame them. Well, I get goosebumps telling you that it's that—

I got goosebumps right now. I'm not kidding.

It is that critical because we need We need people to ask because without asking, our culture goes down, our society goes down, our sales go down, our business goes down. With asking, the reason we started this book is we've been to 80 countries and what we learned, great people, good attitude, smart, well-educated, but the difference between somebody who's great success and no success or little success, one thing, the ability to ask. I've got a college degree, they should ask me. What kind of crap? Forgive me, is that too rough on this podcast?

No, we say it all here.

What kind of junk is that? We all got to learn to ask to get what we want. It's biblical. Ask and you shall receive. I mean, it's a given. The big guy said it. So if the big guy said it, then it's got to be true.

Yes.

I love that. And I love also that you share, and I want to get into not all of the 7, because I want people to, to read your book, but some of the 7 roadblocks and how to get through them. But I, I also like how you say ask boldly but humbly. What does that mean to you?

Exactly. I mean, you don't go in and ask somebody something with this sense of entitlement and pushiness and obnoxious. It's not about that. It's just really inviting someone into the opportunity if they would like to either offer information to you that you're seeking offer some sort of help or advice. And it's that simple, but never like, well, you know, that attitude. You've got to keep that sense of humility, but at the same time strength that if that person cannot accommodate your request, that most likely has absolutely nothing to do with you. We can't personalize it, right? We can't personalize the answer or the rejection like, oh, I knew it. I knew, you know, no one wants to help me. That's— those are those voices, right?

Mm-hmm.

We're talking about. So it's, if someone can't help you, they probably, it could be, it has everything to do with them and probably almost nothing to do with you because they've, they've had a bad day or maybe they just don't have the resources to draw on. Maybe they just got news about their mother, whatever, you know. But I think people actually really love to help. And we saw that play out in the studies that we looked at. We looked at all of these different studies that have been done on asking Amberly, and it It, it shows that you are 80% more likely to get your request granted if you will just put yourself out there a little bit and ask. And a lot of times we sit around and we think, oh, we'll just hint and someone will come to our rescue, they'll figure it out, or can't they figure it out, you know? But that's not the way it works. People don't want to impose their help on you, even friends, you know.

Oh, even my husband. I've learned I have to ask him and ask him real specific Right. And, and actually, I have to tell him a lot of times too. But, but you know what? He actually— you saying this reminds me that I think that this actually strengthens your relationship when you can ask your partner for help. I know for my husband, I remember when we first started dating, because I was used to— I was a single mom for a long time, and I was used to doing most everything myself. And I remember one night he was spent— this is before we were married and we had separate houses. And he came downstairs and I was downstairs trying to fix the air conditioner and had a hammer and stuff out with my toolbox. And he goes, what are you doing? And I said, I'm fixing the air conditioner. He goes, well, well, what do you need me for? Why don't you ask me to help you? And it really, it like hit me that he would appreciate that. He wanted to be there. To, to help me. And I felt that little tug of vulnerability in both of us, and it has actually strengthened our relationship for me to ask him. It feels— makes him feel good when he's needed.

Right. And people don't realize that that is, that is a bonding moment, that it's actually a compliment to someone when you ask them for something. It means, I, I trust your guidance, I, I trust your help. I trust your expertise. And that's very rewarding to another individual. And that's why most people love to be asked and would love to step up and help if they're just asked.

Yeah.

The great benefit of asking is invisible. And when you read Emerson's essay on compensation, he was my great— my teacher Buckminster Fuller's great-great-great-grandfather started divinity school at Harvard. But fascinating is that he said his first line is every act is its own reward. So I'm bankrupt, I'm upside down, I'm $2 million down, and this guy teaches me how to go out and ask for professional speeches to life insurance. And he said, you'll call on 10 and you'll get 1, which is a faith in ratios, right? Great idea. Well, I call on 10, 6:30 at night. I get with this one guy. Everybody has said no, I don't want any. But this guy is a nice old Italian guy that's bigger than the table we're working on here. He was a man of great physical substance. This is 50 years ago, so I'm not besmirching him. I'm just saying. Back then it was a good idea. So he and I fell in love with each other. We just— he said, Mark, I'm a number one guy in the number one insurance company in the world, Metropolitan. He said, Mark, here's what happens. I'm hiring you, and here's the directory to all the other guys. You tell every general agent manager, you tell them Big Tony told you to call. If they don't hire you, I'm going to talk to them. Now remember, Most people get one rejection and they go, I'm out of here. Because they don't understand that the law sounds esoteric. It sounds too simplistic. And we put it in the book, every act has its own reward. Well, I knocked on 10 doors. I got paid nothing. But the 10th door, I ended up making, ultimately I made millions and millions of dollars with them because I also came up with a book and I sold it to everybody. But it, you know, out of my 318 books, I did a book called Stand Up, Speak Out, and Win. And the next year I sold 20,000 copies at $10 each. Well, that's $200,000. 50 years ago, that's like $2 million. I mean, that's unbelievable to smoke. And that's what we're talking about here, true grit. And I came up with a word acronym, and I don't know if it's great for you, but GRIT means greatness resides in an individual's treasures.

I love that. Oh my goodness.

Let's do the subpoints. If you learn how to ask, by the way, I've never said this before, but when you learn how to ask, and there's like 178 major questions you got to have somebody else ask you and you ask them, that's the only way you're going to wake up and find your fulfillment, your full humanity, your full treasure. And back to what Crystal was saying, I just want to add one thing. Her 100% potential. And the reason both of you had this adversity is because, and I had the adversity of going bankrupt, it Long-term, it's your best worst experience. Short-term, you go, hey, Big G, what are you doing?

Yes, it's so true. And thankfully I knew as a professional dancer, cuz I moved out to Los Angeles to be a professional dancer, and I knew I got really good at rejection and, and asking for jobs and them saying no. And I just looked at it as I'm one step closer to that next ask. I'm gonna book that job. And it got me really good and prepped me really well for being an entrepreneur and not being afraid to ask to get on stages. And you know what? Now I have seen you. I hope I get to see you in person one of these days, but I've watched a lot of your talks and you are such an amazing speaker.

Thank you.

The audience is just captivated. You have them engaged. You have them talking back to you. You have them tapping the person next to them and putting their hand over their heart. I mean, you're amazing. Well, you're such a good storyteller. I even saw this one talk that you were giving and they didn't have your slides up right away. Now, most speakers would've been freaking out like, oh my gosh, they don't have my slides up. That's the wrong slides. They don't have my— And you're just like, well, I'm going to tell you another story. And you were, you're just the most incredible Incredible storyteller. I mean, you really are. And I, I'm just amazed by your speaking. But I— getting to the point of, I have a lot of people ask me, how are you getting booked on all these stages? Because they'll see me doing different, you know, talks at different conferences and stuff. And I say, I ask. And they're like, well, who do you ask? I'm like, I start asking, where'd that speaker find that gig? I'm gonna go find— oh, I found them on Instagram. And I— and it's what you said though, Crystal. It's asking boldly and humbly. I don't go to the event organizer and say, hey, I'm the best speaker there ever was. Like, you should— you know, I could be there. Do you want me to be at your event? I'm just like praying that they will give me the gig and And I even did a post about it today on Instagram. I spoke for free for years before I got asked to do my first TEDx talk, you know? And then I didn't know what the heck I was doing. I'm like, oh my gosh, what am I going to share? Everybody else is a doctor. I'm the only one that doesn't have a bunch of initials behind my name. And so I started asking around, like, what are the rules for doing a TED Talk? And just asking those questions and then asking myself, myself, um, what is the most important lesson that I've ever learned and how can I share that? And then before I talk, or before I came on with y'all, I asked God, please come sit beside me, be with me, you know. And so I love that y'all say ask others, ask yourself, ask God. Um, and so I just love that. I, I just want to know, do you walk around the house And think of ideas for a different book and whip out another book really quick? Because you just both seem like you have— would have ideas sparking nonstop.

We kind of do. And we're really dangerous together, Amberly, because we have this, you know, morning time together. It's our morning meditation prayer time. And that's where we do, you know, all of our brainstorming. And it's so much fun because that's where we get creative. But we always start with a lot of questions. And it's really, I think, you know, everything starts with the asking yourself part. And there are 3 critical phases to that asking yourself part. Like, the first critical phase is, where are we now? Or where am I now? Okay, where am I in this thing? Is it working? Is it not working? What's missing? You know, because you kind of, you have to like take an assessment of what's happening right now before you really know where to go or how to get there, right? So it's Kind of like first phase of asking yourself is, where am I now?

And being really honest with it too. You got to take the blinders off and ask, okay, how's that working for me? You know, like, how, how's that working for you?

Like, you know, am I even happy? Like, okay, I'm doing all this.

Is it like, is this really what I wanted, or am I missing something?

You know, take that inventory, that self-inventory, and that quiet time. We do our time together and then we just go alone into kind of prayer meditation. Because you need that time with yourself and God. So it's sort of like the first phase, where am I now? And then where do I really, really want to be? Because when you're honest about where you are now, then you can go to that phase, break out of that and go, okay, where do I really want to be? And that's when we say, ask from the greatest nth degree of your greatest imagination, no holds barred. Don't ask like you were saying, you can ask wrong, like, oh, am I going to get through this month? I hope one person will book me or, you know, whatever. Don't start there. Start with, okay, in my greatest career, what am I doing every day? Who am I talking to? Who are my peers? Who are my clients or customers? What products and services am I selling? And see that on the stage of your imagination in its nth degree of perfection. Like, start with exactly what you want, nothing less than that. And the only way you get there is, where do I really want to be? Asking those questions and then writing them down. Write down the answers that come to you. And that becomes your roadmap. I mean, in that way, you can literally start to, you know, engineer your life backwards, your perfect life. And it works for relationships. You know, you could do that with like, if you want that amazing relationship, but you go, oh, I just hope I get one date. I mean, is there anyone out there to date?

I don't know. No.

Who is your ideal mate? Who's your— what does your ideal future look like? with this ideal person? How are you relating to each other? Because if we don't do that, if we don't go deep and ask ourselves those questions, we are going to attract the wrong person. We are going to attract the wrong opportunities. We may not be happy or they won't be successful, you know? So, if we take the time in this questioning process, we just can create such a better plan, a better blueprint. Then the final phase, so that is phase 2, you know, where am I now? Where do I want to be? And what specific action do I need to take to get there? Because we're in a physical world where you have to take action. You know, it's the meditation part, the planning. When you start to ask these questions from this beautiful place of your imagination, you will get answers. You'll think of people, you'll think of a plan. Go write it down, take action, put it on, put it into a plan, write it into a concrete plan, or call that person who came to you. Because that's your opportunity to move that forward. You know, that's God, the universe, your higher self speaking to you. So then you have to put it into action.

I love that, that first question. It really gets you into awareness and acceptance. And I think that's truly the beginning of any kind of transformation is getting real with yourself and then holding that vision and keeping that vision in mind and really trust in the process. But I love that you have included the action because so many people, I feel like they're like, well, I'm manifesting, I'm wishing for it. No, you got to work for it too.

Yeah.

So let me— so when she talked about relationship, I went through a very painful, expensive divorce long, long, long ago. I wrote down 267 things I needed in my ideal woman, the characteristics, the values, We had to have exactly the same values. She had to want to travel with me. We had to be around together 24 hours. If she had kids and I had kids, they had to get along with each other. Just a ton of stuff. She wanted to take care of herself. She was deep into nutraceuticals, deep into— like, we were exercising at 6 o'clock this morning, you know, together.

Love it.

Just all the kind of stuff that you have to do if you're going to stay in good shape. And, you know, I'm going to live to be 127 with options for renewal. So, because that's all in writing.

I love it. And you will. I know, actually, I have that written down. I heard you say that in another interview, and I'm like, yeah, I'm no doubt, right?

Yeah. So I saw her radiance in this great seminar, and, and I asked, is she married? And said, no, he just got divorced. I thought, oh, thank you, God. Anyhow, long story short, she was everything I wanted, and we synchronized in time and space, and then it's been blissful ever since. Because there, I believe— and I don't know what you believe, Amberly, you're gonna have to say— but I believe there's some perfect soulmate. 2 hearts get together and create one soul, but we're even better than soulmates. We're the higher level twin flames. That's where you take 2 candles and it jumps 4 to 8-fold, depends on the candle.

I swear I see that. I mean, I love looking at your pictures together on Instagram. Y'all are the cutest together ever, like seriously. You glow together, and I, I'm not kidding. You see it in all of your— even your pictures. You are the cutest couple ever, like couple goals for sure. So I, I mean, I just love it. And so yeah, I, I found, you know, that I needed to really— sometimes I get a soundtrack in my head and I'm asking a question over and over, and I'm like, why am I asking myself this question? I'm creating chaos or worry, or, you know, um, why am I doing that? Have, have either one of you ever had this question that is maybe not so positive, but a question that you've had that you've had to shift? Because I know for me too, I was always kind of the fixer of my family. Like, I was a middle child, my parents were divorced, and I was the communicator between the two of my parents and I started, you know, got out of that and I would fix relationships with girlfriends. I would be the fixer. I married a guy who I was gonna fix, and then that didn't work out. I'm like, I don't wanna fix anybody anymore. I want a man. And you know what? I, I got really intentional and I thought, I really don't know right now if I want a man, but if I have another man in my life, I'm like, I want him to be able to take care of himself. Like I've started thinking and asking myself, well, what is it that I really want in a man? And my goodness, God gave him to me. He's still with me. He keeps threatening to trade me in because my warranty's up, but we're still together. But are there questions that you have ever thought, well, gosh, why do I keep asking myself that? And then how do you shift that? Has that ever happened to you?

Definitely, because we're all human and there are certain things that trigger all of us. I think one of my weak spots— I, I was a fixer like you for so many years. I thought I could fix addictions in my family and other, you know, I gotta fix that because I know how.

I got—

I have to fix that. How am I gonna do, you know? And so I had to learn to stop doing that. I had to learn to release everyone to their own journey and be there for them, you know, offer some help if they ask, right? So be there, but they have to ask you. And the other thing is, I, I think we all have trigger points. Like, for me, it was my kids. When my kids were going through stuff, you know, going through those teen years, it's like, oh no.

Oh yeah, I got one at home doing that right now.

Oh, and you're just like losing your mind sometimes. You're like, what's gonna happen? Is this gonna end well? You know, because you just, you feel so responsible. Your heart and soul are so connected to your children. So it's a big trigger for moms especially. But I found that I, if I would just sit by myself quietly, and this was long before I wrote the book, and I would just say, Crystal, you know, what do you want for your children? You know, instead of just ruminating on this terrible, oh no, what if it, what if it, and I would picture them in their best, at, as their best in the nth degree of their best. what I could see as a beautiful vision for them, that they would be happy, successful, free, whatever. And I would just write it like a story, you know, after I'd asked myself, what does that really look like? Instead of sticking, going down this spiral like I'm doing of like wondering if all of this is going to end up terrible, you know, this disaster, I would ask myself, what does it look like if it ends perfectly? Or if it go— if it moves forward perfectly and we heal this or we get past this? Mm-hmm. And then I would write that story down, the perfect story. And it's amazing. I would take that into my meditation, take that perfect story with me after I asked those questions. What does that look like? What does the perfect end, the perfect process look like? And I would just read it out loud and say, thank you, God. Thank you. I'm so thankful that this is happening. And I swear to you, Amberly, things would start to change so much more so than if I was like engaging, you know, like, yeah. And why don't you know how that goes when your kids are like, they're at that stage where they're pushing back. And so it's pretty magical, you know, that inner work that we can do when we know how to ask, when to ask, you know, ourselves, others, and God. It's just powerful.

It is. And I mean, thank you for sharing that because I mean, with my oldest daughter, I was really young when I had her and I hadn't done a lot of self-development work or much. And bless her heart, I, it was not always easy, uh, going through those stages. We have a great relationship now, but we definitely had some rough times. But when I could not, like you said, not like engage and like, and let it escalate and, and I can just hold space for her. So do you wait for them to ask you? Is that what Right.

I think it's like the healthy boundaries. If they're doing something that's not okay, that's not respectful or too entitled, no, you're not entitled to just demand something from me. So the boundaries are important and just communicating those boundaries and then let them ask, but always it needs to be from a very respectful, non-entitled place. So if it came from, Yeah, give me the keys, I have to go. And it's like, you know, no, that's it.

I'm just laughing because my husband snapped on my daughter the other day because of the way, just how she was responding to me. And he was like, what? Don't talk to your mother that way. She's a teenager right now. But yeah, I would think too, just learning to, to ask the right questions. And getting intentional with that really is a great way to communicate as well with your company, with people who work with you. If you've got a big company and you have a lot of leaders, to get clear on how that they can lead, what, what's going on in your company to make your everything better. So the relationships, your sales, everything is just asking the right questions. It's like this book is so freaking magical in every way because it changes so many different aspects from relationships to how you run a business to, like for me right away, how I woke up. Now I've always had a morning ritual, but I really got more intentional about waking up and going, okay, what did I dream about? What did— what, what does this mean? I wanted to ask you, the, the beginning of the book, if y'all don't mind going over a couple of more roadblocks. I wanted to know, how did you come up with the story with Michaela? That is such a beautiful story. Y'all have to read it. It's just a beautiful story. How did— did you dream that up, or how did you come up with that?

Yeah, it's really crazy, Amberly. So we, we had decided, Mark and I said, let's start that story with a fable. We love fables, you know, stories, because it can get you into the story so easily. Because we all relate to stories. A story is just a great way to, you know, because you get into the emotions of the story and you can learn lessons so quickly. It becomes like a metaphor for our own lives, you know, when you tell us.

Mm-hmm.

We thought about doing some ant, like an animal fable. And then we thought, you know what, I said, let's just do a girl. And so I started writing it thinking we'd pass it back and forth a little bit because we, that's what we do. We each take different parts of the book and we work on it and we bring it together. So I started writing and I just couldn't stop and this story just unfolded like I was channeling it. And I ended up using— I, my entire life I've been really blessed to have these dreams that guide me for real, like very real vivid deep spiritual dreams where I am in a different place. And it's like truly when I say this saved my life.

Wow.

And I was really like lost and confused. And so I took my dreams and changed them, you know, fit them to the story of Michaela. And I just wrote, you know, the story just unfolded. It was so crazy. Um, because Michaela starts off— I say it's every man, every woman's story because she starts off, she's lost everything, everything that mattered, mother, father, And she's been like basically an indentured servant at a stone quarry. So her job every day is about lifting heavy stones from one place to another.

And that's how life feels to a lot of people. And so I think we can all relate to Michaela's story. But then at that point where she's lost everything, she falls into this exhausted sleep and the being comes to her and he takes her on this journey and he shows her these special things. And I'm not going to give everything away, but he basically says the key is to ask and never stop asking. That's one of the things he says to her, the most important thing. And so, from that moment on, she just starts questioning herself and wondering, because wonder, wonder is part of asking, inquiring, wondering, looking around you.

And keeping that curiosity for life.

Yes. Yes. And we talk about that curiosity in the book. I mean, we talk about how we all came into this world as these beautiful, uncorrupted children who wanted to know everything. Right? Who, what, when, where, why, how, you know? And then it's like, stop, you know, stop asking, depending on how we were parented, right?

Yeah.

I'm hearing from you and what happened at school. No, put your hand up. Don't talk unless you're called on. Don't ask any questions.

Yeah.

Over time, you know, and your, your opinion's not valued at your job, and it just— you start to get shut down, and you're— you get that asking ability gets crushed out of you. And so we need to bring that beautiful curiosity back to life. And, you know, bring it to the world because that is what is going to lead you to your next step. And just like in Michaela's case, her life changed 180 degrees.

It was beautiful.

Yeah. And everybody, that is everyone's story. If you are listening now, that is your story. So really pay attention. I think it is an important message to everyone.

Yeah. And I think that everybody who reads the book, it is going to hit them in a different way.

Absolutely.

So we had the top agent in Hollywood who's now become our agent, and she's too humble to say it, so I'm just going to ask you if I can tell what's happening now. Are you interested?

Oh, what is going on? Are you kidding me?

Your show is so good because I get goosebumps, which in Chicken Soup land means corroboration of truth. Goosebumps, God bumps, chili bumps, all that stuff. And I got them right now. Top agent says, holy cow, this is the next Harry Potter. And, and, uh, Can you do it? So we talked to one of our great friends who's Jim Stovall, who because of me, he's blind, but he wrote this thing. And I said, this would be a movie. It ended up making $100 million as a movie, The Ultimate Gift. So I said, Chrissy, we got to call Jim. And, and we were just with him again in Tulsa a couple days ago because we were talking there twice now. So Jim said, oh my God, as a blind guy, I listened to it. I got to tell you what's true here. You got to let Michaela talk through you and finish the script.

Yes.

And we have our agent on and the agent says, yeah, we want to do this and this and this and this. And all of a sudden, I mean, like this thing is mushrooming to everything that anybody could possibly want because that's what happens is that once you start asking the question and we asked ourselves where we could go with Michaela. And I said, look, what you said earlier on, I wanted to compliment on. We won't do any business or book that's not transformational, unique, and nobody's ever done a parable at the beginning of a book, a nonfiction book, as far as we know. And then number 3, it's gotta be inevitable that it sources and serves people and takes them to their godly good nature. And so what happens is that she is— go ahead, tell them what's happened, how much has poured out of you.

Well, it's interesting because it was so fun when I got to sit down with Michaela again, you know, and all of a sudden all these characters are pouring out and I pulled all of the roadblocks actually. I pulled those into the story of Michaela.

Wow.

I got goosebumps again. I'm just saying.

Oh, that's so awesome. That makes me happy. It's gonna be a movie.

Everyone's going to want to go to the movie, but they got to read the book first because you want to own the concept. So when you go to the movie, you really go— the silver screen will wake up your imagination because we want to wake up people to their fullest, most magnificent, most outstanding potential.

Yep.

We're so excited about it. Like, the potential is amazing, and we're talking to some really cool people. So, God willing, this—

this— I am so happy for you. And you know what? The world needs this. More than ever right now, we need it. We're gonna need it for our kids through what we've been through. Just with everything that's going on in the world, we need this because you show the power of the human spirit, how it pays to be kind, that kindness matters, the gifts of gratitude. Like it's all wrapped into this. Beautiful book, and it shows that we all have purpose, and we were born with purpose, and we were born with gifts, and we were born with so much worth. And so I— this is gonna change so many lives when it's a movie as well. So I'm so excited for you. That's so amazing. Tell everybody where they can find the book. But before we get that way, y'all have to go check out their website. Websites, okay? Because I mean, first of all, I'm blown away by both of you. But I was bragging on you, Mark, about your website. I was like, oh my gosh, he's got everything. He's got a course you can buy. He's got stuff you can download. I was like, this is what I want. I gotta level up after. I'm serious. I was like, so I was bragging on you, saying this is amazing. And all I've been doing is talking about. how, like, when you were going through this 3-step process, Crystal, and it's— and you say, where do I want to be? This is actually where I want to be. Getting to sit with y'all is seriously a dream come true. So I, I mean, thank you so much for blessing me and all the listeners to be here. I'm just like getting emotional thinking about it. I'm just so grateful for y'all. But Where can people find you, your websites, and the book?

So they can go to any bookstore almost now and get it, assuming the bookstores are open. And then you can go to Amazon, of course, and all the other places and get a copy of Ask: The Bridge from Your Dreams to Your Destiny. Because we say just what you just said— everyone is God-coded at birth with a destiny. Here's the problem: you've got to discover it. You've got to do your homework. This is the only homework book that I know of that'll get you from here to there. That's number one. Number two is it's Our website's crystalvisionlife.com.

Or any—

Mark Victor Hansen has lots of iterations, inclusive of— we now want to help everyone write their book in a multiplicity of ways called markvictorhansenlibrary.com, where if you want to self-write your book, I do a little book called Speed Write Your Life Story, Speed Write Your First Book.

Then we got a book called You Have a Book in You.

And then at a bigger level, like you said, we've got all these courses that will take you through. And then And if you really have a little bit of finance and want us to write it, we'll ghost it because 98% of people are so scared they won't write their own book, but we can pull it out of them and make it more than magnificent.

That's amazing.

Oh, we forgot to mention, we created a course. It's a free course for everyone, free masterclass for about asking. So if you go to askthebookclub.com, um, we'll send you an invitation. We're about to release this. We're so excited. We've been working a really long time on it. It's, it's really exciting, Amberly, because we want to keep people going in the asking journey. You know, we all need help and support and sort of that, that tribe that can help move us forward and do it together. I mean, we need to do this together.

Okay, what is that again? What was that one?

Go to askthebookclub.com. Askthebookclub.com.

Okay, and you guys, if you're out for a run listening to this, or you know, you're in your car listening, don't worry, go to the show notes and all of these links will be in the show notes so you can make sure you connect with Crystal and Mark. Um, but I'm telling you, go— I don't say this a lot on my show, like promote a bunch of stuff, but I am saying this book is unbelievable. Go out there and get the book because it will transform. I mean, I, I love growing and learning and asking, how can I be better? And this book definitely answers that. Like, it really gets you intentional about what's going on in your life, how you can be better, how you can transform and have the life you've always wanted and that you deserve. And so you guys are amazing. And if you're listening and one part really hit home for you, why don't you take a screenshot And tag us on Instagram so we can see that. And when you tag me at Amberly Lago Motivation, I will share it in mine, and y'all can tag Crystal Hansen or Mark Victor Hansen. But Crystal, your tag— your Instagram handle is not just your name, it's Crystal Dwyer Hansen.

If you look at Crystal Dwyer Hansen, I go by all 3 names because my name was Dwyer before I married him, and I had so many impressions. They're like, you can't drop the Dwyer.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, I knew I couldn't remember that middle part. Really, I think it just comes up if you put your name, but I want people to know that. So, um, y'all, I just adore you. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. Thank you for writing this book to change lives, and I hope to see you soon.

We need—

in person.

Yes, we need to get together in person. Amberly, you are a gift. Thank you.

Thank you.

We are talking in Scottsdale, Dallas, and Atlanta and LA in upcoming days. So if they go to our website, they'll see all the stuff we're doing. And there's a lot of stuff pouring in internationally, like Vietnam and all that, but the local stuff they ought to go see. I mean, if you're just a little ways, travel by.

Yeah.

Love to meet you and get a picture.

Okay. Well, I'll be in Dallas ready to see. I moved from LA to Dallas a couple of months ago, so I'm gonna check out your location. In Dallas so I can come hug your neck.

Yeah, I love it. Okay, thanks.

Thank you.

Take care.