Building a Brand That Solves Problems with AJ Vaden

Thank you for tuning in to the True Grit and Grace Podcast. I'm Amberly Lago, and I'll be sharing inspirational stories of resilience and empowering ideas to elevate your business and your life, ignite your passion, and fuel your purpose. Hey, y'all, welcome back to the True Grit and Grace Podcast. Podcast. I have one of my friends, AJ Vaden, here with us, and get your notepads, get your pens, because I promise you, you are gonna want to take notes, especially if you're an entrepreneur, solopreneur, if you're somebody who wants to be an entrepreneur, or if you have a big business, you're going to want to tune in. AJ Vaden, oh my goodness, she is the co-founder along with her life partner, business partner, her husband Rory Vaden, and they have a company called Brand Builders. And they've also got a New York Times bestselling book, uh, national bestseller as well. She's got a podcast. I love learning from your podcast and even the clips that you put in your social media about branding. But her podcast is The Influential Podcast. She has been featured in so many things. Oh my goodness. Success Magazine, Fast Company, Entrepreneur, ranked in Forbes as like the top branding podcast to listen to, and even in Good Morning America. And every entrepreneur that I personally know knows you because you are a leader in the industry. So AJ, thank you so much for being here.

Oh my gosh, thank you so much. Um, I'm so excited. This is gonna be so much fun.

Oh, I am so excited. Every time I get to talk to you, I learn so much. And so I am just excited I get to talk to you twice in one week because you have so graciously and generously offered to come pour into my Unstoppable Life Mastermind. And they are all so excited to learn from you because they all are either starting with their personal brands or already have big brands that they want to learn more how to develop. But you have— well, one thing you say, you always kind of play the role before you get into the role. You've had so many roles, but what do you mean exactly by that? Like, how did you get started with Brand Builders, first of all?

Yeah, so, um, Brand Builders Group was one of those unique things where it's the business that you never intended to build But, you know, for our instance, it was the business we were meant to build. And so my husband and I, a little-known fact is we were business partners long before we fell in love and got married. So we've been business partners for longer than we've been married. We kind of broke that Kardner rule, but luckily it all worked out for us.

How long have y'all been together total?

We've been business partners for 15 years. We've been married for almost 12 years.

2 of the cutest kiddos, by the way.

They're so cute. They're so cute. I'm not biased, of course. Um, but yeah, so we were business partners, uh, first, and our first business was a coaching and sales leadership business. We did big public seminars. We had a coaching component, a speakers bureau, a consulting division of it. And we did that, and we did that for a long time, and we, we built that to a healthy 8 figures. And We had 2 other partners in that, and in 2018, that came to a somewhat unexpected and abrupt end, mainly for me. It was one of those things where I had continued down this path of knowing this wasn't what I was meant to be doing, but I was really comfortable. I was making more money than I ever thought I would be making. I was traveling the world. Clients were paying for it. I was speaking. I was training. I was consulting. I was in Fortune 100 company boardrooms and somehow along the line, I lost myself. I lost my soul. And it had become so much about ambition and money and what is the next thing. And my entire identity over that 12-year period had become about my work. And I looked up one day and I was like, who am I? Like, what am I doing? And soon after that, I got pregnant with our first child. And when Jasper was born, It was somewhat of a soul awakening of something is not right here. It wasn't long after that that some things started to change in the organization. And it was a little bit of divine timing, but in May of 2018, I was formally, quote unquote, released of my duties. I was no longer needed in my position. And that was somewhat abrupt and sudden and painful and divine all at the same time. And for me, what really happened is I didn't have the courage to do what I know I should have done for years, and God intervened on my behalf and said, you don't have the courage to do it, so I'm gonna do it. And now we're gonna have goosebumps.

I seriously have goosebumps. Like, I feel like God has always taken care of us, you know? It's just like, oh, you don't have the courage, you're— I'm gonna do this for you. I was giving you all the opportunities to do it yourself, but you know what? We are just going to do it for you. We are going to push you into where you are supposed to go.

Yeah, and it really was that. A couple of weeks later, my husband and business partner, Rory, resigned. We sold our equity back to our former partners. It was just during this time, a good friend of ours, good friend, but someone that we weren't really close with at the time, Lewis Howes, who many of you may know if you listen to podcasts. He had reached out to us and had said, I don't know why, but I just feel This internal inkling that I needed to reach out to you guys. And we had, we hadn't talked to Lewis in almost 2 years and he reached out and I said, I don't know why, but I just feel like you guys can help me with this struggle I'm having in my current business. Ironically, we had a lot of unexpected time on our hands. Not a coincidence, I'm sure, from God. But he flew out, spent 2 days with us. And at the end of those 2 days, he looked at us because at this point he knew what was happening. And he said, this is your new business. Whatever it is that you're doing, this, whatever it is that you choose to do, this has to be a part of it. What you just did for me is what people who want to build a personal brand need. And we prayed about it. We did a lot of hiking and we did a lot of business planning. And at the end of like 2 weeks, we had come up with a framework for Brand Builders Group. And we took it back to Lewis and he said, you guys get a one-page landing page ready. I'm gonna have you on my podcast. I'm going to launch this business to the world for you because I believe in what you're doing that much. I know you, I believe in you. I know if you can help me, you can help other people. And so on July 27th, 2018, we launched Brain Builders Group on a podcast just like this with Lewis Howes. And that's—

But on— come on, Lewis Howes. How many downloads? He probably gets, what, a million downloads per episode? That is like—

A month right now. So—

You may as well be launching on the Today Show. Well, you know, true grit and grace, same thing, same thing.

But I'll tell you, it was— it's a huge testament of a personal brand and a reputation because that relationship was well established long before he ever called. And I think that's a really important thing of what are you doing to build your reputation, to build your expertise, to share it and to help other people way before you ever know it's going to have any sort of return to you. And it's like we were, you know what we say, we were putting, we were building our credibility bank deposits for a decade in the industry way before we ever needed them. Um, because it wasn't about a give to get, it was just a give to give.

Yes.

And that all came back to us full circle when we launched Brand Builders Group. We just celebrated our 4-year anniversary, although we've been doing this for almost 2 decades and a formalized business model at Brand Builders Group that is ours and we own completely, 4 years. So that's a long answer. That's how we got here.

I can't tell you how many times I seriously got goosebumps when you were telling me this story. And so much of what you said, like you were giving to give, you were making those deposits of credibility and who you were, what kind of people you were. And I really feel like success is built on and through relationships. And that's something that comes over time. And I can't tell you How many people will reach out to me and say things like, well, how'd you get on so-and-so's podcast? Or how do I get you? Or they'll just reach out, never heard from them. They've probably never even listened to the podcast. And they're like, I want to be on your podcast because I have this new book. And I'm like, it's about relationships. Like, it's relationships.

Mm-hmm.

But going back to, um, how God intervened and was like, oh, let me just take care of this for you. We're gonna let you, you know, relieve you of your duties from this position. So there you were, you're working with your husband. Now all of a sudden he's working for the same company, but you aren't.

For about 2 weeks.

For about 2 weeks. That must have been kind of weird.

Part of it was getting our ducks in a row of going, what just happened? Why did it happen? What does God have in store? What is he doing in this? And it was a really different experience for myself compared to my husband because This is the prayer that I had been praying but didn't have the courage to take action on. I hadn't been happy. I knew I was losing myself. I mean, it was so interesting. So this all happened in May of 2018. I mean, this has nothing negative to say about our former partners or business. This just has everything to do with me. In July of that year, so like 3 months later, I saw my college best friend who is still one of my best friends. But through the years, it is like I didn't see her that much. I missed pretty much every wedding, birthday party, baby shower because it was all Work. It was like, you are not working, you are not worth anything. That is how I perceived life at that time. And that was for a long time. And I remember seeing her and after this walk we had in the park and we were just talking and she just, she stopped me and she grabbed my hand and she looked at me and she said, oh my God, I have my friend back.

Wow.

So, to me, It was— it's like, you know, that you're doing something that is not in line with God's purpose for your life. You know, you're not aligned. You know, something is missing, but you choose to do it anyway because it's comfortable, because the money is really good. And man, it's safe. It's so safe.

Yeah.

And, you know, there's 2 quotes that I live by today. That doesn't mean it makes it any easier, but these are 2 quotes that, you know, just kind of evolved during this time period for me. And one of them was that your new life will always cost you your old one. And it's like, that is like, you just have to be prepared for change. You're going to lose friends. Things are going to be different. You're going to go through peaks and valleys. But it's like, if you want a new life, You are going to have to let go of the one that you have got. And I really wanted a new one, but wasn't quite ready to let go of the old one.

It is hard letting go.

I am going to say that for you. But the other one, it is like, and this is one of my big mantras that I share today, is that your comfort will always be the thing that holds you back from your greatest calling. And I was really comfortable, but I was not living into my calling. And I am today. It's like I get to do what I was put on this world, on this planet to do, and I can feel it. And there's a, there's a difference in my, my demeanor, and work doesn't feel like work. Now, some days it does, but generally speaking, right, I feel like I am living into the purpose of what God has called me to do. And that's really uniquely different. But this was not easy. This was quite painful for quite a long time. I mean, we had 2 7-figure incomes that went to zero in a 2-week period.

Oof.

And it was heavy. It wasn't like, oh great, we have all this money and here's Lewis. Like, that's not how it was. It was like, oh, S, are we going to be able to pay the mortgage? Like, what just happened? But at the same time going, there is something here that's worth doing. And, you know, here we are 4 years later, and it's one of those things you look up and it's just so good that, you know, it couldn't have been from you. It's so good that, you know, it only could have happened because of God. That's what we're living in today.

That's amazing. And I love— like, I even loved your stories today. I love that you speak about— well, in your business, I know you have your Brand Builders Group Instagram page, but like on your personal page, you do share, you know, branding strategies and tips in the podcast, but you also share your sweet family and you talk about God. And I think there's a saying, pain pushes you until passion pulls you, or something like that.

That's good.

And I feel like as you were describing that, it was like, yeah, you weren't really in alignment with who you're really truly called to be. It was work, it was job, it was comfortable, but it also robbed you of the joys of just getting to see your friend and go for a hike. So I also love that when you guys were both like, okay, we don't have a job anymore, you went out in nature and hiked.

Yeah.

Spark creativity. And, and that is one thing I miss is the hiking. You know, in LA it was like the best hiking, the most beautiful hikes. And I realized when I was back in LA, um, a couple of weeks ago, I was like, oh, this is what I'm missing. The nature, the outside. Because it's easy as an entrepreneur to be in your— in my tiny little office all day long. And now I gotta go out there and search for places to hike here in Dallas, and there's not quite as many mountains here. I mean, who knew? But you know, it's like, I feel like nature does have a way, for me anyway, of sparking more joy. That's where I connect with God also, is out in nature.

Yeah, I mean, one of the things that we found You know, for me anyways, I think there's 2 really important things that we discovered about this for us is one, we try to have most of our business meetings in nature, whether it's— so there's a really beautiful state park, um, like 2.2 miles from our house. And so that's our default. But one of the things that we started doing is like, we know that if we have business meetings in, in the house, they get almost a little too heated. Right. And so I have noticed that for my husband and I, if any of you listening work with a spouse, this is a great tip. Is we actually do them on hikes. And so as I feel like a little heated or if there's any conflict, I just speed up.

I love it.

Burn that emotional energy. So the other great thing, it's regardless if it's me or him or we're together, it's every single time that we have a disagreement, because guess what? We have them. We do not agree on all the things. It's quite the opposite. And there's natural like conflict and confrontation like that happens with businesses. And every single time that it happens when we're on these hikes, It is such a great reminder for us to look around and go, this is so insignificant. Whatever this is, it is so insignificant compared to the larger scheme of our life and our business and the totality of all that we're working on. This ridiculous thing that is somehow consuming our mind and our thoughts and our energy is so silly. It's so silly. And so being at the ocean or being on these heights in nature is just such a great reminder that the things that plague us and hold us back and consume our minds are so insignificant, but yet they will ruin our day. They'll ruin our mood. They'll cause me to snap at my kids. And it's like, what is wrong with me? Being out in nature just helps put it all in perspective.

Yeah, I was going to say it is such a shift in perspective. And sometimes all we need is is that little shift by nature and seeing what really matters. Like, wow, is it beautiful outside, instead of getting so honed in on one thing. But also sometimes it helps when we can kind of borrow the perspective of someone else to kind of shift our perspective. I mean, I was just at my very first Tony Robbins event.

Yeah.

And oh, he was incredible. And let me tell you, I was so in my head about this one 45-minute keynote that I have coming up and I'm like, oh my gosh, well, I'm gonna say all the right things. I've been going over my beginning of it like over and over and over. And you are like an amazing speaker and would speak all over the place. And this one, I'm like, they've already heard me speak 3 times. I gotta change this up. I gotta, you know what I mean? And I was, I'm like, I saw this Tony Robbins event and I'm like, the man spoke for 3 hours straight. And I was like, okay, if he can do that for 3 hours, I can do 45 minutes. No problem.

Got this.

Like, I just borrowed his perspective of 3 hours. Oh, I got 45 minutes, you know? So yeah, it's good to get out, take a break and do things. Just had, um, a business meeting here last week with someone, a new friend that I've met here in Dallas. And I said, do you mind if we meet at a park or somewhere for a walk outside? Instead of like lunch or dinner or coffee.

Yeah.

Like, can we please go? She goes, oh, well sure. This is my first walk and talk kind of business meeting. And I'm like, really? That's all I would do in LA. I'm like, yeah, you wanna meet, meet me at the park, going for a hike or anywhere. Cause it was like, nope, I wanna be outside and hike. So I love that your ideas come from that. Now, a lot of people listening right now might be going, well, I don't know about brand. Like, I don't know, I don't really need a brand. And, and I beg to differ. Everybody is a brand, whether you like it or not. You, AJ, before you started Brand Builders Group, you had already really established some sort of brand or reputation with so many people, including Lewis Howes, who called you. And was like, hey, I need your help. So that was really already— you had kind of planted those seeds of your reputation or your brand before you even started. And I think it's such a big deal, and a lot of people don't quite understand that. And I remember when I first moved into this house— we're renting a house right now while— before we get our other house here in Texas— and that it was just ugly. Like the doors were like poop-colored paint. It was hideous.

Firing.

It was like, where did they get these colors? It was so bad. And I kept telling my husband, I was like, I gotta record a podcast interview and, and I need to paint. And he's like, you can't paint, we're renting the house. I'm like, oh no, I need these painted because it's part of my brand. I don't want poop-colored doors in my brand, you know, like Look at Amberly. Yeah, she's the one with poop-colored doors. So he comes home one day and I am painting and he's like, I cannot believe you're painting. I said, well, yeah, I'm doing an interview here pretty soon. These doors have to be painted. So I get it, but a lot of people don't get it, that how important a brand is. Can you explain it in a better way than I am?

I would, I'll try to simplify it a bit. Where the confusion comes from is this new term that's real trendy, which is personal branding. And here's the real truth of it, is that you all already have one. It's not, do you need one? It's no, you already have one. It's just, are you intentionally creating it or is it being created for you by default? And really what we believe at Brain Builders Group is that a personal brand is just another way, another word of your reputation, right? And so it's like, to us, a reputation is what people think about when they think of you. Personal branding is the intentional effort, design, digitization, formalization, monetization of your reputation. And so it's an extension of your reputation because we all have a reputation. When you leave the room, What do people say about you? When you come to mind, what do people think about, right? Do you like— and are you intentionally creating a reputation that you want to be known for? Most people don't, mainly because most people don't know what they want to be known for. And that is the intentional effort that is personal branding. It's becoming known for what you actually want to be known for and becoming known by who you want to be known by. So does it have something to do with your business model, your beliefs, your values, whatever it may be? And I think one of the things that we see so often is, you know, people always say it's like first impressions, you know, like they make it or break it in first impressions. And I don't believe that. I don't believe that at all. I really don't. But I do think they make a pretty static impression on what people think of when they think of you. But I believe today that most first impressions don't happen face-to-face. They happen online. They happen through a website or through a social media post or through a podcast, especially over the last 2 years.

Yeah.

They have not been happening person-to-person or even Zoom-to-Zoom. They've been happening some sort of digital format. And I find most often people, what they really want to be known for and who they are as a person is not reflected in the way that they are encountered online. So there is a large component of personal branding that is online. That's a natural piece of it. But I would say we focus on just as much of the offline, right? It's like, I think that's the other misconception is that somehow personal branding is associated with being an influencer or an online celebrity or a celebrity in general, or a thought leader or podcast. That's not true, right? You have a personal brand if you are the high school principal, a stay-at-home mom, a CEO, a janitor. It does not matter what your profession is. You've got one. It's just, is it the one you want? Right? And a part of that happens online and a part of that happens offline. And we work on both angles.

Oh, that's amazing. Well, what do you suggest to someone? I'm going to get real basic here. Like, let's say like, okay, for me, Basic. I just started 5 years ago, and 5 years ago I didn't own a computer. I, I mean, I didn't have social media. I think I had an Instagram account, but no, nothing on it. I think it was mainly just to stalk my oldest daughter and see what she was up to.

Right.

And it was when I decided to write my book that they were like, uh, we don't do any branding or marketing. Those were their words. We don't do any branding or marketing. It's up to you if you want to get your book out there. And I was like, ooh, how do I do this? Now, I wish I would've known you and had your expertise. I was just out there trying to figure it out on my own. It was only me. I didn't even have an assistant at this time. I had no graphics team, didn't have a producer for a podcast, none of that. It was just little old me trying to figure things out. And I leave my crappy posts up from that long ago so people can see how bad they were. And I just started trying to figure my way, and, um, I didn't really know how to do it. But what would you suggest back then? Let's say I was starting out and I came to you and I'm like, look, I want to write a book. It's not finished yet, but I really want to give people hope and inspiration. What do I do?

Yeah, well, okay, this is gonna be a very long-winded answer because I'm gonna tackle 3 different things that I think are fundamentally important, some unique to you, some general to whoever is out there. We believe that for anyone who is aspiring to have a message shared with the world, right? If you are wanting to become more well-known in your hometown, regionally, nationally, global, whatever it is, there you've got to know the answer to 4 really important questions. The first of them is what problem do you solve? Because we all solve a problem. The challenge is most of us don't talk about the problem. We talk about the solution, the benefits, the payoffs, but people need to recognize there is something that I have that I need help with. Like, so I will just like, for me, for example, I still consider myself somewhat of a new mom. I have 2 kids, I have 2 toddlers, 2 little awesome boys. And when I entered into the world of motherhood, I needed major help. My mom passed away when I was 15 years old. I have no other maternal figures in my life. have never really found a female mentor of sorts. And it was a really big battle. And I would go online and I would search for like mommy blogs and Instagram mom accounts. This is just like a personal example. But none of them seemed to be solving the problem I had, which is how do I get rid of this guilt and this shame that I feel when I am not with my child and instead I am recording a podcast or I am, you know, trying to check these emails or it's like, or how do I get rid of this ridiculousness of the pressure that I felt to continue breastfeeding after 12 months? So I'm sitting in public airport terminals in a stall, in a bathroom, pumping and spilling milk all over myself because I felt so indebted to my baby that I wanted to give him breast milk versus formula, but I'm killing myself in the process. But no one was speaking to that.

Really?

Not clearly. Like, I needed to be able to go to a blog or go to a website and go, do you suffer from mom guilt? Are you a working mom? Do you find your thoughts at home when you're at work, or do you find your thoughts of work while you're at home? Of going, right, it's like, man, instead of playing with these word cards, I have so much work to be doing. And There was nothing out there that would speak to that. What I saw was a bunch of really perfectly curated photos of all of these very fit postpartum moms. I'm going, what the F?

This isn't real.

They cannot work. They must not work. And so I rationalized all these things. And then I looked around in my community. It's like most of the moms that I had that were friends, they had stopped working. And I'm like, I'm alone. No one gets me. Right? So it was this like self-perpetuating thing, but it's because What happens is everyone talks about how to find balance. And I was like, no, I don't want balance. I want these feelings to go away. And so for most of us, it's like we, we, we talk about these beautiful pictures, and that's changed a lot in the last 5 years, I believe. I believe there's a lot more realness out there. Um, but the thing is, it's like people need to be able to come to you and go, you can help, you get me.

Mm-hmm.

And the only way that we can do that is if we're crystal clear on What is the problem that I can solve for my audience? Like, for the people that I feel called to share my message with, whatever it is, what is the problem that they have deep down? So I would have said for you specifically, as you start to write this book, it's like, what's the purpose of this book? Like, what problem are you writing this book to solve? Because that's the answer we need to know to create a through line, not just through your book, but through your entire identity. Right? So as you go to create an additional book or additional product or a podcast, there's this natural continuity that goes from product to service to keynote to all these things. And people start to go, as soon as I think about Amberly Lago, this is what I think about, right? Because it's so ingrained in everything you talk about. It's so ingrained in just who you are. So that's the first thing, which is what problem do you solve? The second that you have to be able to answer is, What is my unique message in solving this problem? Not what does the world say, not what does Brené Brown say, or what does Sarah Blakely say, or what does whoever say. It's no, what do I say?

I love that. I love that. What is your unique? Because you know what? It's easy. And I'm sorry to jump in there, but it's, it's easy to, to go, oh well, gosh, I, this is how I do it. And I remember I, was being for a while known for, I'm the girl with chronic pain that has the solution that you can still thrive despite living with pain. And I caught a lot of flack because people were like, you can't get rid of pain through your mindset. And I'm like, no, let me get crystal clear. You can't get rid of it. You can get through it.

Mm-hmm.

It made me believe in my message more that no, there are ways to overcome adversity and be resilient. And this is how I do it, but I have a very unique way of doing it. And by the way, it has cost me a lot of people that have come down on me that have chronic pain and they don't like me. They're like, that'll never work. I'm like, did you try it? You know, but it really pushes you to see if you believe in your message as much as you— like, it really forces you to go, okay, is this, is this your message? Like, fine-tune your message along the way. So I love it.

I'll tell you what else it does though, is it helps you fine-tune your It does.

There you go. Because guess what? When I got a bunch of haters in my support group for the nerve disease that I have, that they're like, she does not have this. She can't, she's a phony. I'm like, okay, I'm outta there. Why would I spend so much time and thousands of dollars for something I don't— it gets rid of the people that those aren't my people.

Oh yeah. And that's the third part. So it's like, what problem do you solve? What's your unique message for solving it? And then who do you solve it for, right?

Who? Okay.

Who is so important. And here's what I find. It's like, if you're not somewhat polarizing, then you're not being truly authentic. It's like, if you're trying to be neutral, then you're not winning any battles here. You know, I always tease my least favorite flavor is vanilla. It's like nobody wants vanilla. Like nobody wants that. What they want is, you know, cookies and cream or mint chocolate chip, right? They want some of the uniqueness. And really what I mean by that is like, don't be neutral. That's not who you are. There is no one who is neutral. There are no vanilla human beings. They do not exist. We all have a unique design and unique stories and beliefs. The problem is somewhere along our lives, we stopped being us. We looked around and we said, man, I want to fit in. And somewhere along the lines, being weird, being unique, being different wasn't good.

Mm-hmm.

And we started going, wait, what is everyone else doing? What is everyone else saying? Instead of going, what do I say? What do I believe? What do I want to do? I'll talk about that 100 different ways, but I think there's something that happens at some point in most of our You know, growing up where—

Oh yeah, it happens to me still today. Look, I have my family, my husband, my husband who sees me every day. He goes to the gym with me. Well, my ankle's fused, it's made of metal, my toes are metal. I can't wear tennis shoes anymore because it flares the nerve disease up that I have. So I'm like, I just want to feel good, so I wear boots to the gym. And he was like, well, what are you going to do when you play baseball? Like, you can't wear boots on the— I'm like, Honey, no. He goes, well, what do you wear to the gym? I'm like, honey, I wear boots. Like, that's what I wear. It's what feels good. It's what I can move in. And you get these nudges or judgment. And my husband loves me. He just is— I think his fear of seeing other people like make fun of me. I don't care if they make fun of me for wearing boots. Hey, at least I'm in Texas where people wear boots. They might not wear them to the gym.

South Florida, it'd be way different.

Right. Yeah. But it's like those little— I could go, oh, people are gonna make fun of me. I shouldn't wear boots. Well, I should just not go to the gym. I should just not play ball because I don't wanna be made fun of. It's like, no, I'm embracing the fact that that's what I wear. And you know what? Guess what? Now my reputation, my personal brand at the gym, my nickname is Boots.

There you go.

There you go.

But yeah, like, to your point, it's like, how many little things in life like that have stopped us from just doing what we want to do, right? Saying what we want to say. And I think there's like, you know, limitations and all of that, right? It's not just about do what you want to do and say what you want to say, but it's like, how many things prevent us from being who we are as fear out of being judged by someone else that truly we don't care about? Like, I tell this to my kids all the time. I'm like, baby, why are you worried about what other people are gonna say when you don't even know who they are or care ultimately about being their friend? And so we've got this saying in our house, and I make my kids say this every day. They have to say every single day, I weird.

I love it.

And you know, it's like, you know, I don't know if you can read, like my t-shirt says, living into our uniqueness.

Oh. Yes.

Weird is not bad, babe. Like, I just tell my kids, like, my boys have really long hair and they often get called little girls. And my 5-year-old has this mantra. He literally says, long hair, don't care.

I love it.

You gotta instill that at such a young age. It's like, I mean, I suffer from this too. We all do. And it's like, oh man, I don't want to offend anyone else, so I won't be true to myself. That's what we do. That's a problem. That is a real issue. It's like, I won't— I, I will fit in and I won't be myself, thus living the unique design that I was created to be. And it's this bizarre thing when you really sit there and you think about it. It's like, my gosh, that's so bizarre. Like, we all have truly unique DNA. There is no other Amberly Lago on the planet. You— they do not exist.

Thank God.

Right? It's like there is no other AJ Hayden. She does not exist. We are already weird and unique and different. Why are we trying to deny it? Why are we trying to hide it? And I think the beautiful thing about the more true that you are to yourself and what you believe in your message, you will attract the right people. And yes, you will repel the wrong ones. And sometimes that feels like haters. And I would just encourage anyone who feels like you got haters, it's like, They're not haters. They're just publicly announcing they're not your audience.

Yeah.

What a great insight to be like, great, they're not, they're not for this. So how do I find more people who are? There are plenty of people who think personal branding and what we do is, you know, not for them. And I'm like, that's great. You're not our audience. That's great. I need to like redefine who we're attracting, how we're attracting them, Redefine our lead sources and continue and move on.

Well, I'm interested how you do it. So you do it online, virtually, I get that. How do you work with your clients? You said offline, what do you do?

Yeah, so this is anything. So think about anywhere that you encounter human beings, right? So this could be speaking engagements if you're a speaker, right? A huge part of your offline audience is built through speaking. For free or for paid, right? That's a huge part of it. But I think about all the places that I show up every single day, right? I'm at the airport a lot. I remember this one encounter at the American Airlines Admirals Club. And I remember I got stuck at this airport for a thunderstorm in Chicago. And it was like delayed and delayed. I was there at 5:00 AM and finally at 8:30, they called it. And I was somewhat relieved because I was like, oh man, I really didn't want to travel today. So now I've I get to go home. And so I walk up and I'm standing in line and I'm like, so they finally called it, they canceled the flight. And so we're sitting there trying to rebook and she goes, I'm so sorry, I know you've been here for 3 and a half hours. And I'm like, it's all good. I'm pretty sure you don't control the weather. And we were just having this chat and then this guy behind me, I leave and I'm standing at the elevator and he asks, he goes, do you know her? And they go, oh yeah, she comes in here all the time. And he goes, um, can you tell me her name? And he gets my name and he comes over and he introduces himself to me and he said, I have never heard anyone so polite after waiting 3 and a half hours for a flight and then it gets canceled. You don't seem frustrated. And he goes, do you mind if I ask what you do for a living? And I said, well, at the time I was like, well, I'm, I'm a sales and leadership coach. And he said, can I get your card? And I said, sure, why? And he goes, because people like you are the people that I want to put in front of my employees.

Wow.

And so it's not about just being at a speaking engagement, it's living into it. It's like, you can roll it, you can control. I cannot control the weather. Why am I going to be mad about it if they canceled? I would rather be stuck on the ground than stuck in the air. So I think of some of those choices, right? So I think about all the places that I go, right? I am a part of EO, right? The Entrepreneurs Organization. I am creating intentional relationships in my EO group. I have a local church I am a member of, right? How I show up there and how I am known is a big deal. At my kids' T-ball games, right? I wear branded gear there all the time and people are always asking, so what is Brand Builders? And I am like, let me tell you. It is like, you know, it is every single place that you go. It is like, to me, it is like It's at the grocery store. It's at the gym. I'm obsessed with Barre3. That's like my preferred workout. Every single person at Barre3 knows some piece of what I do because it's a part of who I am. Right?

Mm-hmm.

And I think a part of the offline is who you network with, who you take meetings with, what is your coffee shop. And this rule, I was on an interview not too long ago and we talked about this and it's called the 6-foot rule. Right? And in your offline reputation, you gotta be willing to talk about what you do within 6 feet of anyone who's around you. And it's like, if you're not willing to do that, then there is a lack of purpose, mission, and passion, right? And it's like, I got to be willing to talk about it all the time. I'll give you this other really quick story, as I know I don't want to run out of time.

No, you are the best storyteller. I was literally sitting here going, man, I could just listen to her tell stories all day. So keep them coming. I— you're the best storyteller though, seriously. Yes, tell me another one. I mean, our audience.

I think it served a great purpose of— I think a lot of our reputations are created for us because we're not vocal about them. And that's our problem, not their problem. That's our problem. Um, if I want people to associate me with something, then I need to tell them what I want to be associated with. I cannot leave it up to them to decide and then for me to be mad about what they decided. That's not fair. Like, that's just insanity. And so my family recently took me to the Bahamas for Mother's Day. That's what I asked I said, I want a family trip. That is what I want to go. I want to go here with my brother and his family. It is going to be awesome. We did all fun things, but at this water park we went, stayed at the Baha Mar in the Bahamas, in Nassau, and they have a water park. We went to the water park like 2 times every day. I was exhausted by the end. I am standing in line at the drink stand and I am getting a much-deserved glass of wine at the end of this water park day. This gentleman is standing in front of me and he has these 2 little girls and he is getting them lemonade and he is getting like a tray full of drinks for whoever he is with. We are all in our swimsuits and we are all sunburned, covered up with sunscreen. I look a hot mess because I have just been down this huge water slide. He looks back and he says, are you having fun? I am pretty sure it clearly looked like I was not having fun. I said, yeah, it has been a long day, but I am having fun. He said, yeah. He goes, I can tell it has been a long day.

I was like, yep.

That is why I am in line here at this here drink stand. I said, how about you? You guys having fun? He goes, oh, yeah. He goes, we are on day 5 of a week-long trip. I said, yeah, this is our 2nd day. He has got his 2 little girls. And I just said, where are you in from? And he goes, I'm South Florida. He goes, how about you? And I said, Nashville, Tennessee. He goes, Nashville. I love Nashville. He goes, let me guess. You're a musician. I said, no, I am the least musically talented human on the planet. He goes, let me guess. An actress. Nope. Okay. Nope. That's definitely not me. And he goes, what do you do in Nashville? And I said, I'm in personal branding. And he goes, a personal brand? He goes, I need one of those. And I said, you do? What do you do? Tell me about what you do. And he goes, well, I'm a restaurateur.

He goes, I have 73 restaurants throughout Florida.

And I said, guess what? We help people exactly like you. And he goes, you do? I said, yeah. I said, actually, we work with mission-driven messengers who are entrepreneurs, solopreneurs, and anyone who is looking to make a difference. And he said, I get asked to speak about how I have 73 restaurants all the time. I said, guess what? We help people learn how to speak. And he goes, no way. And I said, we do. I said, do you have your phone? He said, yeah. I said, pull up your phone. Go to www.brandbuildersgroup.com. And he pulls it up and I said, Go to the About Us, scroll down. I said, that is me right there. He goes, no shit. I said, no shit. And I said, right below there, you see that little button that says request a call? I said, if you click that button right now, you can request a free call with our team and you can talk about all you are doing and we will give you the first hour for free. So, just pause right there. I am in line on Mother's Day at a drink stand in the Bahamas, and I am willing to talk about what I believe in. To whoever will listen.

Mm-hmm.

While he's picking up lemonades for his kids, I'm like, tell me about yourself. Where are you from? What do you do? And I'm willing to, because I believe in it that much. I'm willing to do it at church, at the grocery store, at Bar 3, at the airport, anywhere I go. That is my offline brand, right? That doesn't mean that's all I talk about. A huge part of what I talk about is identity, right? And it's being true to your identity. And I fundamentally believe that you are not your work, right? We don't care about what you do. We care about who you are. And people want to know that. And somehow we get consumed with just talking about work stuff. And what I love most about being in the personal brand, personal branding and reputation space is it has nothing to do about what you do. It has everything to do with who you are. So I get to learn about what do you believe in? what is your message and what's your best advice to people? It's like I get to be in that space all day, every day, which has conditioned me to go, I don't care what your profession is, I just want to learn from your life experiences. And it's like, what a world change it would be if we focused on getting to know people versus to know about what they do. And that is, to me, it's one of the great things about building your offline reputation is that you actually help people get to know you, not what you do, right? That's, that's marketing, that's sales, and there's a time and a place for that. But then there's a time and a place for reputation building. And one of the things, like it or leave it, you can like what— I'm okay either way, but I will talk about God at any chance you give me. I will sneak it in there, right? I'm gonna talk a little bit about Jesus in every conversation. I'm gonna just sneak it in there at any opportunity.

Because I love that about it. I love it because people have asked me before, you know, well, what's the grit and the grace? I'm like, well, grit is grit, you know, it's perseverance, it's, you know, being mo— it's motivation, but it's working hard every day, working, you know, through what others were— when they're gonna quit, you're gonna keep going forward. And they're like, what is grace? I'm like, God. It's giving grace to yourself, but it's really God's grace. And so I love that you sneak that in, and it's fine to do it here. You can sneak it in anytime. But you're, you're so right. It's, it's about those relationships. And you know, when I first moved to Dallas, I knew 2 things right away that I needed to find. And I had this set up before we even moved into the house, before we even stepped foot into our house. I had a church to go to. And I had a barn for my daughter to ride at because I knew she needed to be around her horse-crazy girls too. So I knew those were 2 things, and that's, you know, getting your community, getting to know people. And I love that you teach people that is just as important as it is as the—

I dare say more important. I dare say it. Um, I don't care how good you get at digital marketing, the best marketing you still ever gonna get is word of mouth. As someone saying, oh yeah, you gotta call my friend AJ. I will take that all day, every day over a cold lead that I get off of a Facebook ad.

Well, that's how we met. My friend Catherine Gordon— thank you very much, Catherine— said, you have got to talk to AJ. And I mean, we talked and it was just like instant, I love you. I was like, yes, thank you, Catherine. I love her. But yeah, people ask me all the time, how are you getting booked for all these speaking gigs? I'm like, It's referral, it's relationship, you know. And I think that's—

That has not changed and will never change in this highly digital world where, let's just be honest, there's a part of that that's necessity. Most business still happens through referrals, through recommendations, through word of mouth. And I know 2 things to be true right now and today. If I was going to move to Dallas, Texas, I would not be Googling best places to live. I would be calling up a girlfriend or someone who lives there, says, give me the low— like, give me the down low on all the places to live. Yeah, right.

I just did that with— I had a friend of mine, one of the moms from the barn, just messaged me and said, hey, do you know any wedding planners in the Austin area? What'd I do? I'm not Googling it. We could all Google it. I reached out to a friend and said, hey, do you recommend— have any friends that are wedding planners? That's what you do.

That's what we all do. And it's like, anyone who is listening, it's like Think about the last time that you needed something of true importance that you Googled. I bet if you need a new CPA, you're not Googling best CPA in town, right? You're saying somebody give me a referral to someone who's legit, who can help me save money in taxes. You need a business coach, right? Best business coach. You're not doing that. You're saying who have you used? Who have you gotten results with? Like even as like if I want to go out to a new restaurant in Nashville, I'm calling up my snobbiest foodiest friends, and I'm going, where should I go? Like, if I needed a new hairdresser, I'm going to my girlfriend who's got the best hair and go, girl, where you going?

I need— That's exactly what I do when I— yeah.

That is what we do, y'all. That is your offline reputation. That is what you are known for because that's what you talk about. That's what you post about. It's what you consume your life with. It's what you learn about. It's what you read about. It's It's just what you talk about, right?

And I think that you have to really be authentic with who you are or it's going to be a lot of work. I mean, when it is who you are, it is you. You go everywhere you go, it's easy to talk about. It's what you do. I mean, I just— right before this, I told my husband, I said, honey, do you remember that Texas Ranger that I told you about? I said, he reached out to me. He got my book. And he actually was reading the part about it where you were a California Highway Patrol and he wants to take you to coffee and give you a patch for the Texas Highway Patrol. Like, and it started, I met some, you know, some guys with a— I had my baseball bat at the park and they were like, hey, what do you do? I'm sure they saw like some girl in boots with a baseball bat. They're like, who is this girl?

And I gotta meet her, gotta meet her, gotta meet this girl.

One thing led to another. He got my book, he's reading my book now. It's like my husband has a new friend, you know? And who knows, maybe they'll hire me to speak at their future event for the Texas Rangers. You never know.

I mean, like, one of the things that I constantly remind ourselves— myself too— is this has been a really intentional effort, is to put my phone down when I'm in public. And to be present. Because it's like I could easily go to my kids'. I remember this. I went to my niece's softball game. This was pre-kids. This was probably like 7 years ago. But I went to my niece's softball tournament. She's an amazing softball player, has a full-ride scholarship to college now. Are you serious? She's amazing. But this was in Las Vegas, and my husband and I flew out there to watch her play. And, you know, I'm there to watch her play, not check emails. What the heck are we doing? So I had my phone up and I'm sitting next to this guy and I'm like cheering for Peyton and he's cheering for his daughter. And I said, no, are they on the same team or are they on competing teams? And he goes, no, they're on the same team. My daughter's this number. And I said, well, that's my niece. That's my husband's brother's daughter. That's her. And he goes, Peyton Gale? And I said, yeah. He goes, that's my daughter's best friend. I said, no freaking way. So we introduced ourselves. We started talking. 3 months later, he hired me for a 6-figure consulting job.

Wow.

That would never happen if I was checking emails, texting on my phone. It's like, y'all, you want to build an offline brand, get off your freaking phone.

Yes.

Have a conversation with a live human being, get present back into reality, right? It is amazing the amount of business you can just generate. And not even that, just the amount of influence and impact that we have from a simple conversation with somebody sitting next to me at a softball game or at my kids' T-ball game. I met one of my closest friends today at my son's T-ball game last year. We are still friends today, Savannah and John Mudgett. And it is like we are now in Bible study together. That all came because I went up to someone at a T-ball game and introduced myself. It would've been just as easy for me to sink back into the shadows and go, well, I gotta make this business call or I gotta do this thing. It's like, no, I don't. I don't have to do that.

Yeah.

You gotta make the choices. And I think those are all really just, you wanna grow your business, then you need to actually go out and meet some people. Because if you're, if you think somehow it's all gonna just come in with digital marketing, Well, you're going to be prepared to spend lots and lots of money because that's what it's going to cost. Or you can go build lots and lots of relationships for free and have well, well, you know, well-vetted, uh, well-intentioned referrals coming your way. Which one do you want?

Oh, so good. And such a good reminder, uh, because I intentionally have decided to take a little break. I mean, it would be awesome if I could do both both the online stuff. I think I need to hire your whole team to help me with that. But I've intentionally, after this weekend with my family, we had such a good time, intentionally thought, I'm going to take a little break from being online so much and just really focus on playing softball with my daughter more and go taking a train ride and getting out in nature, doing those things just for a little bit. And And yes, talking to more people. And you have your Brand Builders group. You do— I mean, you teach coaches how to really double their business and so many other things— consulting, speaking. For anybody listening to this who you want her to come and like work with your company or privately, you know, people can join your Brand Builders group, that sort of thing. We were talking about like just how you help coaches and entrepreneurs, and there's a lot of coaches that listen to the show and a lot of people that are like, well, I am trying to get more clients and I just— oh, I don't know what to do. And what I love about you is you've had experience in everything that you now lead in and teach, and you've done that job, so you know how it works and you know what you wish you would have learned when you first started. So you have some exciting news About a free webinar. And I'm so glad you're sharing this and sharing it with our community here. So what is it? How can we learn more?

So we have this really cool new webinar series that's going live. It's called How to Double Your Coaching Business in the Next 12 Months. And it gives you 5 things that you can do right now to literally double your coaching business. So coach, trainer, speaker, consultant, right? All kind of in that like coaching forum. Um, but I'll share one thing that I think is really important right now. Um, I'll give Amberly A link she can put in the show notes. You can go register for it for free. It's about a 65-minute webinar. I teach it, I host it. So if you like me, then you should go do it. If not, don't listen to it because you're going to get a lot of me. So don't do that. You're going to get overwhelmed. But it's like, that's okay. That's what we're supposed to do. So it's kind of like the 5 things that'll— that's going to help your coaching business explode by just putting more intentional effort to it. And I'll give you the number one thing that has worked for us that has always been the cornerstone of our business, no matter what our business shapes into. And it's create strategic referral partnerships with people who are in similar, like complementary businesses as you, but who serve a different audience.

Mm-hmm.

So I'll be super specific. So if I'm a, you know, small business performance coach, right? First you have to get super clear on Who is the ideal avatar, right? Because a small business performance coach, you need to know, are these for new businesses? Are they for scaling businesses? Are they for local businesses? Am I going to do it virtually? So once you're super hyper clear, then what you want to go is like, once I know who my exact avatar is, right? The client that I want 10 more of or 50 more of, however your business is built, then you go, what are the other needs that this client So if you work with the founder or CEO of, you know, small businesses that are growing, then you're going to know, well, they're going to need a financial partner, right? So they probably have a CPA. They're probably going to have an attorney, right? They're probably going to have, you know, X, Y, and Z, right? Make a list and create strategic business partnerships with those types of professionals. That's so smart. We get asked all the time about Who do you recommend as a great tax consultant? And it's like, I now have 3 people that I'm like, this is who I would refer you to. And those tax accountants, I'm like, every single time that you talk to someone who wants to become more well-known, you better refer them back to me. Right? So create these strategic partnerships. Right.

It is a strategic partnership though, because I have a few people that I am constantly referring But, and I'm not referring because I'm like wanting to get something back, but that's not very strategic of me, is it? I need to be strategic. I need to be more strategic instead of just doing it, doing it, doing it. Glad that their business is thriving and growing.

Which is awesome, right? That's a good—

It is, it is awesome.

Um, yeah, it is awesome. Right? It's like Like, there are so many things that I don't do in our business, right? We do not— you know, I could give you personal tax advice, but I am not a professional. You should talk to a professional. And it's like, I know for anyone who is growing and scaling, it's like what we pay our CPAs, they are working with CEOs and founders. Those people need to create more clout and awareness. Now they've sent me 3 clients this year. Wow.

See, now that is amazing. That is strategic.

I—

that is amazing. And I love giving referrals, don't get me wrong, but I was like, oh, Oh, there's the difference. Strategic because they're referring them back to you. That is super smart.

And once you know exactly who your client is, it makes it so easy for them to think of me when those conversations arise. So it's like you got it. But that's your job to know as the entrepreneur of knowing when someone asks for this or when they bring up this or da da da da da. That's how you know to recommend them to.

That is so good.

I'm so clear on here's who we serve. Here are the indicators that this would be a great fit for us. Make it super short. It needs to be like 3 sentences, right? 3 bullet points even. But it's like, I've got strategic partnerships that build websites, copywriters, social media managers, video production teams, business consultants, executive coaches. Financial coaches, scaling coaches, leadership coaches. I've got, I've got strategic partners in all these fields of going, I know who my avatar is, I know who they're working with, I know what they're looking for, I know what they're seeking. And so by finding people who are servicing those needs, there is a natural opportunity for things to come up. And I want to be top of mind. And it's like anyone who brings up personal branding becoming more well-known, wanting to be known as the number one go-to expert in their space, that anyone who is trying to get on media, speak, or write a book, send them to me.

Yeah, you know what, I heard your name over and over, and then I was like, okay, who is this AJ? I gotta meet this AJ. Who is AJ? You know, I can't— I heard your name a few times and I'm like, no, I don't know AJ.

The same happened to me too. It was like 4 or 5 different people. I think Carrie Jack was one, Katherine Gordon, but then I feel like a Mike Zeller.

Yeah, several people.

Same exact same thing. And it's like, finally you're like, who is this person? I have to meet them. I got—

they must have known we were, we're going to be friends for life. I swear I could talk to you all day. Y'all go check out the free webinar. The link is in the show notes. It's on the website at amberlylago.com/podcast or the show notes on Apple or your favorite podcast platform. Every part of this resonated with me, by the way. So, but take a screenshot either if you're finding this on YouTube or if you're listening while you're jogging down the street, take a screenshot and tag us at AJ Vaden and Amberly Lago Motivation. You could even tag Brand Builders.

Yeah, Brand Builders Group and AJ_Vaden.

Okay, tell us the best place besides the link for the free webinar that you so generously offered. Where can people go to just be like, yeah, I need you, I need you to come consult, I need you to brand me, whatever, you know, they want to get a hold of you, what's the best way?

Yeah, so I would say if you're interested in what we do at Brain Builders Group, one of the awesome things that we do, we're super clear on who we want to work with. And so we want to make sure that you're super clear that we're the fit for you. So your first strategy call is on us. And so we've set up a special link for anyone listening to this episode. If you go to freebrandcall.com/amberly, so that's freebrandcall.com/amberly, then you can request a free call with one of our personal brand strategists. It is a 60-minute strategy call. So we're going to talk about what your business model is, what you're working on, who your audience is. Do you know what problem you solve? What's your message? It's a true strategy call for about 45 minutes. And then we'll transition to like, hey, do you want to tell us how we think we could work with you? And if it's a fit, awesome. We'll sign you up. If it's not, we're going to chalk you full of free resources and support you along the way. We know that we're not a fit for everyone. We're not trying to be. We're really clear on who we are a fit for. So this is a great way to both get a sample of what we do, make sure it's the right fit. And then also, if it's not, then we'll happily refer you to other companies that might be a better fit for you. So I would say go to freebrandcall.com/amberly.

You are incredible. I swear. I'm like, I'm, I'm going and I'm signing up. You are amazing. Thank you so much. I mean, I just appreciate you sharing your wisdom. I love everything that you shared. Got goosebumps so many times when you were sharing stuff. And, um, you're the best storyteller too.

You—

who knew that like talking about brand building and stuff could be so entertaining and so much fun? No wonder you're so sought after.

Well, also, I didn't mean to almost cry on the show, so—

Well, did you? You made me cry.

I'm—

I don't even You made me cry. I cried, but that's good. That's fine.

It's a part of the journey.

Yeah, you're amazing. I'm telling you, I just— I adore you. I just appreciate you so much. So yeah, y'all, I hope they flood the lines with—

yeah, yeah.

Okay, well, thank you again, and thank y'all for tuning in. Until next time. We will see you soon. See you next week.