Celebrating 100 with Johnny Lago

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges.

I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert, and bestselling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace. Well, every week for almost 2 years now, I've been releasing a new episode Of the podcast, and we're now up to 100 episodes. And I'm so grateful for you for tuning in because, because of you, we have hit top 1% on Apple globally. So that's because of you. That's because of you tuning in and your downloads. And so from the bottom of my heart, I just want to thank you for being here. It's been kind of a whirlwind of events. I just finished up my Your Unstoppable Life Mastermind in Malibu and then headed straight to San Diego to speak at an event and interview people for Secret Knock. And I got home and I basically begged my husband to be my guest for the 100th episode. It's only taken me 99 episodes to get him to be on the show. So he shares some things that made me kind of squirm in my seat. You're going to know all my Secrets. Basically, he's spilling the beans on some big news as well. But you know, so much that I share that I've been through over the past 11 years since my motorcycle accident is not just my story, it's our story. And I wanted to have him on to answer some questions about how to love each other through the hard times. And then I read a quote the other day and it said, To love someone is to learn the song of their heart and sing it to them when they have forgotten. I cannot remember who said that, but I love that quote. And he has definitely loved me until I could love myself. And I hope that you are entertained and inspired and and also feel loved on in this episode. So thank you for being here, and. One more thing. I have another Unstoppable Life Mastermind coming up. If you want to join the waitlist, if you want to learn how to share your story to make an impact, whether that is through speaking or blogging or starting a YouTube or starting a podcast like I did or writing your book or just being able to speak out confidently and go after your dreams while you're with a loving, supportive community, make sure you hop on the waitlist. There's only going to be 10, um, early bird specials. So text me at 818-214-7378. Just text me the word mastermind and you will be first to know when this kicks off because I want to see you in there. We had such an incredible experience. If you check out my Instagram at Amberly Lago Motivation, you can see some of the behind the scenes shenanigans. And I had some amazing people who their story will be featured on the podcast in December. So Stay tuned for that. But for now, thank you again for being here. This has been such an incredible journey, and I feel so connected to you when I get your messages. It means the world to me. So thanks, and I hope you enjoy this episode.

Hello, welcome to the 100th episode of True Grit and Grace. I'm Emily Lago, and I have the most special guest today. On the show. I've had to really bribe and beg my husband, Mr. John Lago, Johnny Lago, to be on the show. And, um, I wanted him to be on the show for the first episode, and it's only taken 100 episodes for him to finally say yes to being here. So thank you for being here.

You're welcome. Yes. Oh, thank you. Okay, let's get—

let's move forward. Okay. Um, he—

Oh, wow, you've got questions. Great.

I have questions here. So yes, he's He just saw the pad that I have. If you're if you're listening to this, he just saw the notepad. I have some questions because I don't want to miss anything. He just told me that I might be in for a shock that what you might say. So y'all hold on. Let's see what comes out. He's one of the reasons I married you is because you're brutally honest. Sometimes things I don't want to hear, but I know I need to hear. And I have a lot of questions from people. who reach out to me, especially that their loved ones are in chronic pain and they want to know how they can support them and how you support me. So I have a lot of questions for you, but before we get into why you have to deal with a lot of my craziness and all kinds of stuff, I'd like to go back to how we met a little bit.

You really want to go there?

Well, what is your version of how we met?

You hit on me.

What?

Yes. No, let's get this straight right now. I pulled up on my bike, my motorcycle bike. I was in uniform and I saw you glaring at me in your peripheral vision.

Oh, really? You approached me and said, are you following me?

You were walking down the shopping center in your workout clothes and I said, ooh. That girl's hot. And the rest is history.

Well, then I guess we dined frequently at the same restaurant and the owner—

Yeah, what a coincidence. We kept running into each other.

Yeah, you stalker.

Oh no.

Yes. Wait a second.

I, I, I— how many guys were hovering, wanting to date you when I met you?

I was a single mom focused on my career and I didn't want any of it.

But then—

There was a waiting list.

Okay.

I met you and it was— I think you ended up— we dated and you ended up coming over and you never left. We just—

Oh, I remember somebody dropping off an engagement ring on your porch. Remember that? Remember that? Okay, so let's get the record straight. Yes, folks, I had to fight to get her. Yes.

Well, I'm grateful.

Who drops an engagement ring off at somebody's porch?

Well, yeah, but I gave it back and I wanted to sell it. Yeah, he wanted to hawk it. I was like, no, I'm gonna give this back. I forgot about that.

Yeah, you're free. We could have used the money.

Okay, well, so we got married.

It was a cool wedding on the beach. That was awesome. Yeah, when the sun was cloudy and then—

And this is before like Instagram. was a thing, or Instagram wasn't even invented yet. And so we went to El Matador Beach, which if you go there now, it's like photographers everywhere.

It's in Malibu, for folks that don't know. It's pretty cool.

And we just had just the two of us and my friend Marilyn and Bob as our witness, and Mary was the photographer. And we had such an active lifestyle. I mean, we worked out together, we had jet skis, we Every month would take a trip to the river.

Twice a month we'd go to the river for boating. Yeah, we were big on that. That was awesome.

And our fun time was riding our motorcycles together. And I always say, yeah, shoot, I wanted to go out with you because you look good in uniform and you rode a Texas Chopper.

That's funny. That's right, my chopper. That's right.

Yeah, yeah.

So when I pulled up on it, it says, hey, Texas Chopper, you fell in love.

I was like, okay, I'm in. And y'all, he did look good in the uniform. But you've been retired now for what, 5 years?

5 years.

Well, we were only married 2 years— no, a little over 2 years before I had my accident.

May of '10, right?

Yeah.

May of 2010. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, it's been that long.

Wow.

And I actually want to know from you what it would— what that was like that day when you were home. We were looking forward to a holiday weekend. I remember Finishing with work. I had run my best time ever, so I felt good. I'd trained clients, and I remember the cool girl from the gym had invited us over for tacos that night, and I was like, oh my gosh, the cool girl's inviting us over for tacos. And I was on my way home, and there's just such freedom when you're on a motorcycle, and I could feel the wind blowing through my hair. And, and then I was hit and I was screaming out your number. And so your phone, you said, started just ringing off.

Well, I believe we had— we were going to do a call. We were going for a date ride together, right? I believe we're going to spend some time together. And I left the gym too, and I said, uh, I'll see you at home. And I get home maybe probably like a few minutes before you did. And as I'm getting ready in the kitchen, I'll forget— we had the flip phones back in the day. And my phone kept ringing. I thought it was work, but I knew it wasn't work. And my phone kept ringing and ringing. I wasn't answering. And then I go, something's got to be on. So I finally answered the phone, and it was some nurse that you reached out to a lot while you were still bleeding.

Well, it was a— I get it was a nurse. I didn't know who she was. She came to my side and she said, uh, hi, I'm such and such.

Amberly's been involved in an accident. And I go, shit. I go, where? She said Vista Ford. So immediately I jumped in the, uh, we had the Tahoe back then, remember the black Tahoe? And I remember driving down the wrong way on Topanga Canyon, wrong way Ventura Boulevard.

What do you mean the wrong way? Like going the wrong way?

Because I was running all the red lights. Oh, cop mode kicked in.

Because y'all, if you don't know, I mean, a lot of listeners know that you are always a I was a sergeant, a motor sergeant for the Highway Patrol at that time. Were you? You hadn't promoted yet?

No, I haven't promoted. I was a sergeant at the time and, uh, I was a motor sergeant and I got to the scene immediately. EMS is there, fire, LAPD. And I saw you holding your leg and you were just bleeding out. And I go, wow. And, uh, I'm a first responder, you know that. And, um, recipient of a Medal of Valor, you know that. Pulling up, hero, right? But, uh, I'm used to seeing people dying. I'm used to seeing people bleeding out. But when it's one of your own— so I kind of froze. I said, I remember grabbing you. Luckily there was paramedics over there. And life— our lives were changed in an instant. I mean, upside down. And, uh, I've always said, I've told you, we're not in control of our fate. We never are. Yeah, tough one.

Well, when we got to the hospital is when I think I started to realize it was a little more serious than I thought. I mean, I had excruciating pain. And remember, you know, squeezing the guy, the paramedic's leg in the ambulance, and I was trying to get him to make eye contact with me, and I couldn't get him to look at me. And I thought, oh my gosh, is he not looking at me because he knows I'm gonna die? And when we got to the hospital, the, the ER, the room was filled with, with cops. That's all I could see.

I, uh, you know, as It's a family. As soon as the word got out who I was, everybody responded. We even shut down the freeway. But I knew it was serious when they bagged you.

What do you mean bagged me?

They put a compression— it's an air suit on your leg to keep you from bleeding out. And from experience, usually people get bagged to die. From my experience, uh, they bag you because you're losing your blood pressure because you're losing so much blood. And I remember there was an EMS, and I couldn't believe they were there so quick. And I'm, I'm grateful to God. I think they were having coffee at the Coffee Bean. They were right down the street. And they witnessed the accident. And that's why they— I remember looking up and seeing a guy running down the turbolator holding his EMS bag. So they must have been— we were lucky because those were minutes, the critical minutes that you were just bleeding out. But I knew it was serious once they bagged you, from experience. And then, uh, they loaded you up. I'm grateful to God you were there. And I remember getting a police escort. CHP showed up.

Oh, there was tons of help.

They even responded with a helicopter and, uh, They took you to Trauma 1, Northridge. They were going to take you to UCLA, but, uh, they took you to Northridge, which is phenomenal. I'm grateful it's a level 1 trauma.

Well, I remember being there and I had never seen you cry.

It was intense.

And you were running back and forth. And after I got well enough to recover, you said, well, you didn't see what I saw. They were reaching into your leg and pulling your Artery and trying to attach it. He had to hold on to it.

To set up the scene where the ER room full of police officers— it's a family, it's a brotherhood and sisterhood, brothers and sisters in uniform. But, uh, here comes Dr. Adele Dubois, guy rolls in in a suit. And remember, it was Memorial Day weekend, it was a Friday, and all the really powerful good doctors are on vacation. It's the interns, the guys at the bottom of the totem pole, that have to get stuck working the weekend. And here rolls Dr. Adele Jabour, and I owe him— we both owe him everything— in a suit. And he immediately takes off his blazer and they suit him up like you see on TV. And he didn't even have gloves on. And he reached into your leg and he grabbed your femoral artery. I'll never forget this. And he said, I have it, I have it, I need to clamp it. He went to clamp it and it slipped like a rubber band. And I'll never forget the sound of it. And then it squirted him and it covered him in blood. And that's a femoral artery pumping. And then he used the appropriate tools and he finally clamped it. And he— because you were bleeding out.

Mm-hmm.

And they were prepping you to graft, to go to surgery because they were going to graft. I didn't notice we have an extra artery in our left— in our both legs. They were going to graft the artery from the left leg to your new leg because they didn't think they can salvage your femoral artery in your right leg because you were bleeding out.

Yeah, it was weird to wake up after 7 days, 7 days being in a coma, but to wake up and then look down at yourself and see, you know, I remember the incision on the left side too, that they— he made an incision. I still have a scar there.

They marked the other— they prepped you to remove the other.

They were gonna But to look down at my leg. And when I first woke up out of a coma, you know, I have these tubes in my throat. And I remember waking up and, and you were the first person I remember seeing.

The intubator.

And, and you had tears in your eyes. And I started flailing my arms around and trying to rip out the tubes. And the nurse was like, oh no, honey, don't do that. Get her a pad and a pen. And The first thing I wrote on the paper was, get off my tubes, because you were leaning on my tubes and I couldn't breathe.

Yeah, I was walking.

But it was like you had tears in your eyes. And, and then the next thing I wrote was, um, don't tell Savannah. And I had no idea that I had been out for so long. And then I saw my mom and I thought, oh my gosh, if my mom's taken off work This must be serious if she's flown all the way out here. How long have I been out? And also, I remember it being such a, a struggle because when you're put in a coma, to, to me it seemed just like yesterday, and I had no idea that I had been out for a week. And then is when they told me they wanted to amputate my leg.

Mm-hmm.

And when I, I had posted something about, I want to have my husband on the show for the 100th episode, every— there were so many people that were so excited that you were going to be on the show. And my friend David Seward, who's been on the show, he had said that he has such respect for you, that you— it was really because of you. that I have both my legs because they were going to amputate it while I was in a coma, and you told them not to.

No, I remember, uh, within the first hour of being there, we were in the cafeteria. It was all— as a matter of fact, it was a sea of law enforcement, and I was sitting there with some colleagues, friends, and Dr., uh, I'm not gonna mention his name. Uh, did we mention his name in the book?

I don't think we did.

No. Okay. He comes up to me and tells me, Mr. Lago. I said, short of— I'll never forget this, sure, not believe me. And you know, I've been in plenty ER rooms. I mean, my career is— so it's kind of ironic. I was used to— I felt at home being there because I spent so much time at the hospital dealing with aftermath and damn patients. And he says, uh, short of a warm wound I've never seen anything like this. We're gonna have to amputate. And I said, amputate? In my first— and I kicked into my cop mode and I go, how much time do I have, or does she have? He says, we've got 72 hours because the blood, uh, the blood, the blood flow, the tissue will start dying because your leg wasn't getting any blood. So the tissue started dying. So he gave me, he gave me a 3-day window, or 2-day, I forget, 2-day window. I forgot. And I, I specifically told him no. And I signed a cease and desist, said you're not touching her. And he looked at me and he left. He was angry. I didn't care. And then I went into, uh, what I do. I called, reached out to Henry, my contacts.

Didn't you Google limb salvage?

Yeah, that's what I forgot. Uh, immediately, uh, I, I reached out to Henry, Dr. Lugo. For those of you, he's an incredible friend, incredible doctor. I remember he called me back. He was— remember, it's Memorial Day weekend, so everybody's out of town in LA. And I start salvaging, uh, Google researching, and, uh, Dr., uh, Wiss— what's Dr. Wiss's first name?

Don.

Don. Got it. Been a while. He came up number one in Los Angeles and, uh, US Cedars, but You know, he always sees A-list. It was almost impossible to see him. So Henry called me back and I said, Henry, I need you. And for those that aren't listening, uh, Henry, Dr. Lugo, was in a real bad, really bad motorcycle accident. And, uh, I saved his life, for lack of better words. I'm not proud of it, but, uh—

Well, you should be proud of it.

But, uh, I remember telling Henry, Henry, you owe me.

You owe me. I saved your life. You owe me.

And yeah, whatever. He's like a phone.

Yeah, he's Y'all were friends, but you owe me. So you used that, that card.

I said, uh, Henry, I need to get a hold of Don West. He's at Cedars. He said, Johnny, that's my doctor. I've got it. And I explained to him what they wanted to do at Northridge. And he goes, hand the phone to the head nurse who's at the ICU. And he took over. He took over. He was your primary and he called the shots.

I just remember being there going, we're gonna get you transferred. And I was like, I was in so much pain. And I kept saying, I don't— I was just hanging on to hope that, okay, they gave me a 1% chance of saving it. I'm gonna hang on to that. And I was like, how much longer is it gonna be until I get transferred? And it was like such an act of God to get me transferred.

But there was a lot of red tape. A lot of red tape that you, you were stable. There was so much red tape liability, and I understood that. And I remember Dr. Odell Jabbour coming to me and, oh, we finally got you transferred. I remember reaching out to the governor's office. Schwarzenegger was our governor. I had contacts there, the head of his detail. I reached out to all my— I reached out to everybody, and somebody came through.

Yeah.

And to this day, I'm not sure who, but they cut the red tape. And I remember getting a call from Don West. Yeah, out of the blue calls me, Mr. Lago, I'm Dr. Wiss.

He was lecturing somewhere in the Midwest, I believe, and he wasn't supposed to even be back until Monday. And I remember finally getting transferred, and he came into the hospital that Sunday night in a suit.

You just go back, just go back.

When I saw the name tag, D. Wiss, I said— I started crying, and I reached out And grabbed his arm and I said, you're the man who's gonna save my leg. And he said, well, we're gonna try. We're gonna go in and clean everything up.

But getting you there was— took an act of God. And I, I sympathize with folks now. My God, what an act. Just got— just the bureaucracy, the red tape. But, uh, they came— our friends came through for us.

That's like— I think—

Or else you'd be an amputee right now. No doubt in my mind. If I'd have left you at Northridge You would have been an amputee.

Well, I had a lot of— I get a lot of people that ask me, do you wish you would have had your leg amputated? Do you wish I would have had my leg amputated?

You know what, Amberly, I, uh, would have been a lot easier. Sometimes I say yes. Remember you screaming, I wish I just cut my leg off? Remember that? Yeah, it's a tough decision. I, I don't have an answer. Yeah, I don't have an answer. I don't have an answer to that.

I, I want it.

I look at you like when we go to the beach and you're in a bikini, you're incredible. And people don't even— they don't even know until they look down. They go, oh my God. I think it's funny. Remember when we were at SeaWorld and you were wearing your shorts and the lady looked down and we said, oh, shark bite?

Yeah.

Because they don't Once they see you're, you're not— you're, you're different. And, and I remember I see you walking down— remember when you were running with Ruby on the beach? And they said— remember, doctor— I figured the doctor said you would never run again, and yet you were running. You defied all the odds. You really did. And, uh, but on the flip side, what your friends and your followers and your community doesn't see is the pain that you go through every day.

Mm-hmm.

And there's times that I wish I would have said, yeah, just cut her leg off, take it off. But then I turn around and I go, when I see you walking, when I see you in a bathing suit, when we go to— when we were in Mexico and Cabo, and I go, wow, you look at me, you're amazing. And I go, I don't know, Amber, that's a tough question. And, uh, do I regret? No, absolutely not. I have no regrets. And I always said it was—

That was what I was going to ask you next. Do you wish you could take it all back?

Nope.

Why?

Uh, I think I made the right decision because at the ultimate, ultimate, I want it to be your decision. Not mine, your decision. Unless it was catastrophic where there was no going back. But when they gave us that, that chance of hope, and Dr. Adele Jabbour, the first challenge, the first bridge we had to cross, remember he was telling me, was the blood flow.

Mm-hmm.

If we couldn't get blood flow to the leg, we had to amputate. And so we had, you know, so, uh, that was the first hurdle he overcame, and we got blood flow. So then we could save the leg. Remember, I'm asking Jabbour. We had a lot of conversations while you were in your 7-day coma, but he said once we get the blood flow, that means the skin, we could— there's absolutely— we can save the leg, but it would be a quality of life.

And that's, that's so true that a lot of people, even people that know me well, um, don't understand the, the pain that I live with every day. In fact, yesterday I had a really good day. It's the first day that I have felt better since Getting over COVID and then getting back from a couple of events where it takes a lot of energy, and I was on my feet.

You push yourself beyond. You're not— you're extraordinary. You push yourself beyond. And that's an issue that I've had with you, that you don't rest enough. You're a machine.

Well, it's hard because when I have a good day and I feel good, my favorite thing to do is to work out. My favorite thing to do is to be at events and be with people. And then It's, it's a really fine line juggling, like, or trying to decide how far I can push myself because I want to do more, and then when to give myself the grace and say, okay, but I'm learning. Like this last event that I went to— so doing events I love, but I think you realized for the first person when you went to an event with me and you could see like, oh my gosh, you were on your— Your You're on your feet nonstop. It's sometimes 12, 14, 16-hour days sometimes, especially if there's a book signing or there's a soiree or a gala or anything like that. And to deal with complex regional pain syndrome— was the disease I was diagnosed with— it is— you're in pain all the time. So this last event was the first time that I have ever— Like said no to some of the networking and went to my room and laid down, said no to a dinner and went to my room and rested. And I still had a hard time recovering. And I get back and it's like I've been fighting a war or something. I mean, I feel just exhausted, um, filled up in my heart, but my body's completely exhausted. And yesterday I went for a 6-mile hike and today I got out of bed and I could barely walk. I had to put Walter in her Voltair.

Folks, you heard this. She went on a 6-mile hike.

Yeah, and it was a fast pace because I hike with my friend Samantha Harris, and that girl is a machine.

And so crazy too. Both of you are crazy.

Okay, well, having said that, well, you know, you, you live and learn. But you know what? I remember going into Dr. Wyss And you said, oh my gosh, Doc, you wouldn't believe what she did this week.

Is that when you broke the plate?

No, it's before I broke the plate. I think I was doing—

You broke your plate, you're walking around with a broken leg. Folks, for the record, she's in Texas, she's got a titanium plate in her leg, and she breaks the plate.

Well, my leg was all plated up, so there wasn't enough bone to put a rod So they put plates, just kind of stacked plates.

Titanium plates, uh, probably one of the hardest metal composites known to man. And my wife breaks her plate and she's walking around with a broken leg for weeks. Actually, she's in Texas, almost nauseated from the pain.

Oh, I got to the point where I couldn't take one step.

I said, okay, something's not right. So we go back to Cedars to see Dr. Wiss, and I remember When he looked at— he was upset.

Well, just to describe what it was like, when I would take a step, the part of my leg between my knee and my ankle that's not supposed to bend would bow out with each step.

I'll never forget Dr. Wiss's look.

Well, remember, I sat in front of him. I said, look at what my leg can do, and I bent it in front of him.

Looked at the x-rays, he was pissed.

He looked shocked, but I still didn't know how serious it was.

Yeah, you snapped the titanium plate. And he looked at you and he said, how is that possible? I said, Doc, that's Amberly.

Well, he explained it very well. He said, he said, imagine you have a big tree and you've got a big branch that comes off. Over time, if you took that branch and you wiggled it a little bit and wiggled it a little bit, eventually It would break. He said that hardware is only as good as fast as your leg can heal. So my leg, the bone, the non-union had not recovered.

And I think that was a big concern because if that didn't recover, then we would have to amputate as well.

Remember that?

Wow, you're taking me back. That was a big concern. And then the union finally— and then that's when they elected to do the rod.

They put the rod in. And you remember—

13-hour surgery. I remember waiting on that one. 13 hours. My God.

And, uh, Dr. Sherman was there. They had to have 2 surgeons, one for the, uh, to do the muscle flap and skin graft.

Oh, that's right, the muscle flap.

And Dr. Sherman came in and he said, when I went to my checkup, and he said, I've never seen Dr. Wiss sweat that much in my life. He had sweat dripping down. And Dr. Wiss knew how hard I fought to keep my leg, and he fought hard for me.

Our team of doctors— well, I'm grateful every day we were surrounded. This is attributed to Henry. Just the team of doctors that we had were just exceptional.

And it's important, the team of people we had, a team of nurses, pain management doctors, friends, family, clients— all of those people, we could not have done it without them. I mean, and our door was a revolving door. Our door was never locked, and we constantly had people coming in and out and visiting.

You were there for what, 3 months? 3 months, I believe, right?

Yeah, the first time. And then I was in the hospital for that surgery. They kept me in for 2 weeks.

2 weeks, that's right.

They had to do another surgery. They couldn't even close my leg up all the way, so they had to put a compression.

Remember back when they're changing it? Remember they changing the bandages on you? I had to leave because of pain. Oh my gosh.

Yeah, the pain was so bad that I would actually— I couldn't control the screams that would come out. And I would hang on to the side of the railing on the bed and I would scream. And it was so horrible that you couldn't even be in the room.

Yeah, because I couldn't— I remember Dr. Terrace showing up at Northridge once. And they were changing your bandage. You were screaming, screaming and And he felt— he's a doctor— he felt helpless. Nobody— yeah.

And that was another question I was going to have, actually, that somebody had written into the show, which is, as a first responder and all your training, seeing so many horrific things, and you being kind of the, the fixer, like you often fix problems, you're, you're there to protect and serve, basically, in your job. And what does that feel like as a husband when you can't fix my pain, when you see me in pain and you can't fix it?

Feeling of helplessness. There's nothing you can do, and it's hard dealing with it. See, something I would— one of the struggles I had, and, uh, it's funny, I— at work they asked me to, to write a book because there's an issue in military law for law enforcement as paramilitary. We But we're trained as first responders to drive up to the scene, and we see mayhem all the time. And I believe you know that. Uh, and I keep going back to the Metrolink. That's probably the worst. You pulled out 26 dead bodies. And but you go into this—

And you guys, that's what he got his Medal of Valor for.

You go into this reactive mode, uh, to save. And the Metrolink, I went from being a rescue to a recovery— recovery meaning that everybody's dead. And you're trained for that, but when it hits home, when it's one of some— somebody you love, how do you train for that? How do you prepare yourself for that? Because we're human, right? We're all emotional. And you can't turn the switch on and off. And that was one of the things I was able to do at work. I was able to come home and turn it off. And it's kind of morbid, sounds kind of cynical, but that kept me alive. I would roll up to a dead body, amputated, and I would go, well, it's not me. But it's my wall that kept my sanity. Uh, but when I saw you, all— everything went out the window. And, uh, feeling of helplessness. There's nothing you can do. All the— and that's one of the issues I dealt with. All the power, all the resources that I have had, you know that I've got them. And, uh, at the time, at the scene, I couldn't do anything. But once you were in the hospital and stabilized, I was able to do something. And I— and that's, that's where we got the Cedars and Henry and so forth. Because I don't— I'm thinking if it weren't for Henry and our contacts—

Well, what about now though, with you seeing me and you—

Now it's tough. It's, it's tough now too because you're the different— you're you. I, I just, I remind you. That's all I can do. And, uh, you're a big girl and you've been through it and you, you get through it pretty good. But, uh, there's times when you just hit the wall and I'm so used to it already. And there's nothing I just nag you. And I know it bothers you, but—

No, I mean—

I'm the one that reminds you, hey, I know you're going to crash. It's like, I hate saying this. I know it because I've been living it. But I think I have to let you fall.

Well, there was one time. Do you remember it? Powerful. You were in the back of the audience and you were looking at me doing this.

Oh yeah.

And I was like trying to give like this inspirational talk and you were like, get off your leg, stop, get over it. There was folks—

I can look at your pupils and that's like, I, I know you, you're, you're about to crash. You will crash. And people haven't seen you crash. I don't think anybody's seen you crash. And when you go down, you go down. And I try to prevent that from— because I don't want you to crash in front of an audience. You're in so much pain that your body just— Amberly, you know what I'm talking about. You just collapse. And I don't mean physically. I mean, your body just shuts down.

Oh, I remember that one.

Your speech becomes lethargic just because you're—

It's like the pain gets so bad that my brain will not process. I can't even think.

I don't want that to happen to you. Your community has never seen you like that.

Well, they've seen me pretty jacked up.

I mean, well, yeah, but it's—

they've seen me. No, but I mean, but they have not seen me the way you've seen me. They don't see me when I get out of the bed in the morning and I can barely walk until it takes me time to get my leg moving. And they don't see me after a 3-day conference.

There's another side of you that they don't see, and I don't— they shouldn't see. That's personal. We all have— that's personal. That's private, and we deal with it, and you deal with it really good because your folks— and then that's the inspiration. They see this, how can this beautiful woman who's running, who's doing all kinds of crazy— you do crazy stuff that I won't even do. Remember I'm telling you, go for hikes? I'm like, I'm not doing that shit. But, uh, but then there's a downside to that too. When you get home, they don't see that. So that's why you inspire so many people. And yeah, you do.

But I do talk about I think in just a recent post, I actually talked about that.

I—

it is fun to do events. And I, I even said in my post, I know you see me at these awesome events, and what you haven't seen is I'm home. I'm struggling right now.

You're just like— you're just a normal person. You put your pants on every day just like everybody else.

And, uh, except for it takes a while to get Figure out what to wear sometimes if I'm having a flare-up.

I've read some of your comments because I follow you on social media. A lot of people think, uh, you're fake, you're superhuman. No, you're human. You go through the pain, you just don't let—

There's a lot of people that think I'm fake?

Well, no, they criticize you. Remember the haters?

They do?

The haters. You know, you've talked about the haters.

Who's out there hating on me, honey?

Okay, so, but, uh, what those haters don't realize— no, Amberly, you're in a lot of pain too. You just don't You don't—

I don't let it define—

Exactly, there you go. You don't boast it, you don't define— well, you're in a lot of pain, but see, they don't see that. And I guess if they saw that, maybe they would.

But you know what, I share that I don't post me sitting up with my leg up on the couch looking like hell and complaining all the time because that brings me down.

And it brings everybody down. I agree, I'm with you 100%. I'm the same way.

And so I don't want to do that. But why, I guess, did you decide to stay with me when it's been hard?

Why would you even ask that?

Well, it's a lot to go.

Why would I decide? What are you crazy?

You know. Well, I mean, did you take anything this morning? Why would you even ask that?

No, I'm so not. I'm not gonna even answer that. That's ridiculous. Oh my God! Why married? Till death do us part. There you go. Remember those vows? Till death do you part. Well, I would never— what do you think, I would actually leave you? Are you kidding me?

I'll remember that. We got this recorded. We got that on tape right there.

We got that. We have a baby. I, I would never. That's not me. I'm sure that's— I'm not gonna even respond to that.

Okay, let's skip forward a little bit because I know we're going over your time.

Oh, we are? Okay.

Yeah, because— but I just want you then, after, you know, Seeing me recover.

Hold on, somebody actually asked why I would stay with you?

No, I did.

Oh, okay.

I did. I'm like, what? I know I can be a lot.

That is. It's a lot. I mean, you know, Amberly, that's what marriage—it's it's it's a unity, my God. Till death do us part. I take our vows. Our vows are all right, Martin. I'm old school.

Are you kidding me? Yeah. Well, you're a good man. I mean, there's a lot of people. Johnny, I just talked to a friend. on the phone yesterday who deals with a chronic illness, and her husband left. Her husband couldn't handle it. There's a lot of couples out there that break up because they can't handle it when the going gets tough. And, and I think it's a true testament to the person that you are, that you showed up the way that you did. And you fought for me every step of the way. And There were things that there's no way I could have dealt with when I was in the hospital.

I think the majority of men would stay by their wives, personally. I mean, but you know, I speak— I'm an old school. I think the majority of all my friends— I mean, yeah, okay, I believe. Yeah, I'm sure.

But, uh, oh well, I mean, I've been divorced twice, so yeah, I've met some not so great men. That's why when I met you, I was like, no, I think I'm I was so cool. And then I met you.

And that's one of the reasons I'm glad we're relocating to be around family, because we were here alone. We had nobody. Well, Marilyn.

Y'all had your— you heard it here first. We're relocating. It's official. We are moving. We're moving to Dallas.

We're leaving in 2 months.

We're moving to Dallas by the time this— oh gosh, no, this is coming out next week. Okay. Okay, y'all, you heard it here first. We're going to Dallas. We're, we're moving after being in LA for 31 years.

I want to be around family, Ruby. As we get older, Ruby needs to be around her family. We've talked about we're going to Miami or Dallas, and Dallas, you got the equestrian, which is big. I just want to be— family is huge.

Family is huge. And, and yesterday I was thinking, oh my gosh, who's going to dye my roots? Oh God, what doctors? So anybody listening that's a great hairstylist Please reach out to me. I'm gonna have some gray hairs growing in here pretty soon.

I'm excited because Ruby's gonna be around all her cousins. We're gonna be around your family. It'll be the first Christmas we've been with your family since we've been married in Texas. That's huge. Yeah, it'll be odd, different, but we're gonna try. We're gonna— we— I wanna— we've been talking about it for years and we need to be able—

And we actually have a media room in the house. Oh yeah, so this is Pretty cool. Our oldest daughter's bedroom that I converted into my office when the pandemic hit. And this will actually have a nice sound room, media room. So I'm excited about that. But there's going to be— it's going to be a lot of change because I'm on the road starting 2 weeks. I'll be in Dallas for a conference. I'll be there for Embrace Your Ambition. And then I've got another conference called Transform from you. Uh, so yeah, those links are down here in the show notes if you want to come see me. I'd love to see you come hug me so I know somebody there. And then I get back and we pack up and, and leave.

Yeah, that's— we're 3/4 of the way through.

But, uh, yeah, and I'm glad that, you know, I've been really busy with work and lots of stuff going on. Grateful to be doing in-person events again, and you've been taken over the whole project of moving, which I'm really grateful for, like setting up the Tesla charger because they have no Superchargers anywhere there.

No, it's been a journey, but, uh, we, we've been talking about it. It's time. If we don't do it now, we'll never do it. And I, I'm looking for a change too. I'm watching Ruby get older, and, uh, I'm just grateful she's gonna be around her cousins and family. We have her whole— your father, your mom, your grandma, Your mother, your sisters, your cousin. Oh my God, we've got our own gang out there.

Yeah. So yeah, and I mean, all of my work is online and then traveling for events.

And Dallas is a hot city. So Dallas is a gorgeous city.

But do you think that, uh, you're— it's going to be a culture shock to you?

No, I'm in a different place. I can go with the flow. Rupees.

Like, it's gonna be the first time you've been away from the ocean though, isn't it?

work out, we can— we're keeping our house here in LA, so we can always come back. But, uh, my primary concern is, as yours is too, is Ruby.

Yeah, she seems excited.

She's excited. She's packing and she's excited as well. And, uh, so we're gonna— we have to try it. We have to do this. We have to— we have no choice.

Well, it'll be nice to be around family. My dad's—

Like I said, after a year, like you said, after a couple of months, we'll know if we want to stay. If we don't, we'll come back home.

Yeah. So yeah, what we're doing, we're going to keep our house. We're keeping our house here anyway, backup. And we're gonna, you know, rent it out. And if we want to come back to LA, who knows, I might get booked for some incredible job hosting a TV show or something in LA. You know, I'm going to be on a game show.

So we'll come back, we have our house here. Did you know I'm going to be on a game show? Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Yeah, I'm going to be on a game show called 25 Words or Less.

When?

Uh, next month. Oh well. And so, okay, he's falling asleep again.

Studios, or it's local?

It's local. Century City. Um, but, uh, do I surprise you with things that I tell you that I'm gonna—

Well, you surprise me, but I'm so used to it. You're so used to it? I'm so used to— you're a different animal. Uh, nothing surprises me anymore with you. Oh really? Okay. One day at a time. I, I I just wish, and I've reiterated this, man, I need you to slow down. You've got to slow down, everybody. You've— you're a machine. I told you, you're an absolute machine. You look at him like, okay, because you pay the price, Amberly.

I know, I'm slow. Hey, I canceled an appointment today.

I'm proud of you, but you just go 100 miles an hour and you have an illness, you have a disease, and it's, it's, it's not going Going away and you're— we're managing it. There's no cure.

We've— Yeah, I like to forget that I have it.

I know, but exactly. And when it catches up to you, it's too late. I— it's—

Well, it just takes a little bit of time.

So your shortcoming, you were asked, is I need you to slow down. And I, I know your, your passion for it, but my God, yeah, I think we all have to slow down.

That was that Remember when I came up with PACER?

Mm-hmm.

And it was first gonna be pace. So I'm reading off, like, I come up with this brilliant idea. He tells me to pace myself and I'm like, I do pace myself. In fact, that's how I'm resilient. And I'm like, see, PACER stands for perspective. And I shift my mindset, my, my mindset with gratitude. the easiest way to shift your perspective. And I talk about acceptance is the A, and community is a C, and endurance is the E. And I get to R is for rest and recovery. And he goes, you are so full of shit. You do not rest. And I'm like, well, I'm learning. And that is, that is something that's really hard for me.

You get a, you get a D for that.

Yeah. I'm not So good at that. Okay, we're gonna do some rapid fire. Are you ready? This is something I never do on the show, but with you, I thought it'd be fun. Okay, go ahead. Okay, if you won $1 million this week, how would you spend it?

I would donate it to the homeless right now.

Donate it to the homeless?

Yeah, right now. There's so much—

What would they do with that money?

Help get them off the street. This LA is horrible. I'm so grateful the place that we're in. I would donate, seriously. I would give it away to the homeless, to the needy. I'm pretty grateful for where we're at. But you've seen the devastation.

I know how much.

I see people every day. I drive by and I'm grateful. And this guy's sleeping. Like when we have Ruby in the car, we're having In-N-Out, and I drive by and I go, Ruby, look at the guy sleeping on the sidewalk. You see how grateful I want you to— so yeah, I would donate it.

Yeah, so at this event that I just spoke at called Secret Knocker, I interviewed people at, um, Dan Flashman. I believe it was Dan Flashman who donated backpacks, and it's—

That's pretty cool what he did.

It's got stuff for cleaning, uh, it's got food like canned, the water, it's got water, it's got all kinds of stuff like a blanket.

That's amazing.

New socks.

That's about $250, $300 for that. He's got a lot of money.

It was incredible. Yeah. And so we are looking for the right person. There is actually a homeless person that lives around here.

We're gonna find them.

We'll find— we want to give that to him. Okay, next question. If you had 3 wishes, go.

Oh my God, 3 wishes. Health. My God, all of us, uh, health, longevity, and, uh, just, uh, just health. And my 3 wishes would be health. To be healthy. I, after what we've been through, I don't care how much money. Money is irrelevant if you don't have your health. And it's funny because I think of Steve Jobs all the time. Here's the richest man in the world and he died of cancer. I mean, so health. Yeah. Come make make it one wish health.

Well, if you are known for one thing in your life, what would it be for? Loyal. Yeah, that's true.

And honest. Lord, I tell you straight up, if you— you know that, Amberly. If you ask me— how many times have you asked me, what do you think of this dress?

Yeah.

Okay, don't ask me because I'm gonna tell you, you look like— okay.

Oh, well, speaking of that, I just want to say that because of you and how you loved me with all my scars and everything You helped me learn to love myself too.

So, babe, your leg is amazing.

Oh, I mean, it's better.

We've had the discussion. How many times have you said— I remember during the pain, folks said you get— I just wish I would have cut it. No, no, no. Remember we were at the store the other day, or last month, and kid was reaching for a box of cereals and we looked— let me help you— looked and it was an amputee, a double amputee. Remember that? We were at Ralph's and they're shopping and I go, wow.

Well, there's plenty of amputees that are my biggest inspiration.

I know, I know. And so I wonder, is that going back to that? I reflect back on that. I see them living, but what I would like to ask them, and I won't, are you living in pain too? Yeah, that's pretty personal. Do you know how many times I've wanted to approach somebody and say, hey, because you look good, but my wife looks good too, but are you you also living in pain? So is that the unintentional consequence? You know, I sacrificed— well, sometimes you have no choice, but we had a choice. And I wanted that choice. I wanted that choice to be yours.

Well, you really loved me and helped me accept my scars. And so I appreciate you for that. You're welcome. Okay. What's the trait you value the most in a Partner.

Honesty. Oh my God.

Would you, would you rather travel the world and be poor or stuck in one country and be rich?

Hmm. I don't care about being rich. As I get older, I don't want to travel. I just—

Wait, wait, wait. I, I, I don't want to travel. And I guess We're getting older. You don't want to travel?

I don't want to try. I do.

Oh God, I want to travel and I want to be rich.

It's getting so crazy traveling now. The times have changed. Times are crazy. It was crazy traveling with—

but when I—

when I'm absent COVID and all these restrictions that we've been put on, yeah, I would want to travel. But now when you travel, like we're talking about going to Hawaii, you got to go to quarantine for 10 days. Like, who the hell wants to do that? Absent COVID, pre-COVID, I would have said travel. Okay, but COVID has changed the whole world. But this is a new world, the new normal now, and you know that. I don't believe the trouble wearing the mask, all these restrictions. You can't have fun anymore.

Okay, what's the worst memory you have?

Oh my God, rolling up to the scene and watching you bleeding out and I couldn't do anything about it.

What's the best memory you have?

Ruby, holding Ruby in my arms.

Oh, that was pretty cool.

That was That was pretty cool.

And last question, if you could change one thing about our relationship, what would it be?

Oh my God, the accident. Really? Just turn that off.

Really? Yeah, I think it made us grow stronger.

Yeah, but it was really extremely difficult. Yeah. And I believe if it weren't for my job, I don't think I— who knows who's— I left work for 3 months. Who could do that in the private sector? I left work for 3 months, came back and still had my job still. Who could do that in the private sector? I don't think anybody could. I'm grateful to God every day. We reflect back on that, the insurance, the cost, our medical bills were, oh my God, in the millions.

I married him because of his insurance.

That's what he always says. But like I said, I've always said, you know, I'm never— you're not in control of your faith. And I've always said, a soul But no faith doesn't want soul. I truly believe, like that day, you're not in control of your faith. I don't care who you are. Our lives are turned upside down, and we're all tested, right? And I think we passed the test.

We passed the test. You heard it right here on True Grit and Grace. Honey, thank you for celebrating my 100th Episode.

Yeah, I remember when you started this journey. My God, it's been 100 already.

It's 100 episodes we're going on, folks.

So I'm going to end this. I remember when you hit me up about the book back in early January of 2010. No, it took a year to write the book.

Oh no, I took the book published in 2018.

We were sitting at dinner, she says, honey, I want to write a book. And I said, okay, here she goes. I said, go for it. Boy, do I have egg all over my face.

Because you were like, yeah, right, is more like it. You were like, you don't even have a computer.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. You're right. And I said, whatever.

And I'm like, I'm gonna do it.

You did. And that's why you're— that's why I keep telling you, you're a different animal.

So now when I tell you I'm gonna do something—

Oh yeah.

Well, you should know.

And I'm proud of you. That's what— that's why it attracts me to you. You're an alpha. You're, you're— I, I've always— I told you I've always been attracted. You're a strong woman besides the beauty and the looks, but it's the confidence. And I'll never forget that sitting there. I remember I was having an egg omelet and I said, oh, here she goes, she's being crazy, she's going to write a book. Wow, whatever. Okay, babe, go for it.

Well, that was a whole journey though, because I remember when the book came in the mail, you were just like—

That's an understatement.

You were almost like, oh, this is really happening.

You know what, you did it by yourself. You did it by yourself. That's what blows me away. Well, we had— we eventually got a publicist.

Yeah, but Jill— I just texted Jill today.

But I mean, the actual writing, it was a journey. And I go, man, she pulled it off. Holy crap, it's a big deal.

Yeah, it was a— it was a big deal. And guess what? I'm gonna write another one.

And go for it.

You have Oh, well, thank y'all for tuning in, and I'm really grateful for you. For— You're welcome. It's taken me 100 episodes to get you to be on.

Well, it's been 100.

Yeah, this is a big 100th episode celebration right now.

We need to get Ruby on.

Yeah. Okay, so y'all send me a DM if you think I should have Miss Ruby Lago, my 13-year-old, on the show. She is a little entrepreneur. Um, yeah, let me know. Part of the journey.

Yeah, she's old enough to understand. She's been there. She sees, you know what I mean? She's since— she knows when Mama's hurting. She goes, Dad, Mom's hurting. I go, yeah, back off.

Oh well, thank you for tuning in. Make sure you subscribe to the show. And reach out to me at 818-214-7378 if you have any show ideas or any questions at all. And thank you, Johnny Lago. Bye-bye. Thank you. Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Grit and Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends.

That would help too.

If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to amberlylago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable gratitude journal, and you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next week.