Chase Purpose, Not Money with Patrice Washington

Thank you for tuning in to the True Grit and Grace podcast. I'm Amberly Lago, and I'll be sharing inspirational stories of resilience and empowering ideas to elevate your business and your life, ignite your passion, and fuel your purpose. Hello and welcome back to True Grit and Grace. Y'all, I have such a treat for you today. I have my friend, Patrice. Washington here. And oh my goodness, she has been named by Success Magazine as one of the 12 inspiring Black voices in personal development, and she continues to be consistently called on for her expertise in national media. In fact, she's been on— she's been featured in Forbes, InStyle Magazine, Entrepreneur, TV shows, just to name a few. She is an award-winning— or she is an award-winning intuitive author, transformational speaker who I've seen on stage stage, and she rocks it on stage. She's amazing. She's a hope-restoring coach and a conscious media personality. She is committed to teaching a holistic approach to life while redefining the term wealth back to its original meaning, well-being. And I just have to say, she got her start as America's Money Maven, a widely known favorite personal finance expert. And y'all are gonna love her story, but she has since expanded her mission to encourage people to chase purpose, not money. She uses her certification in financial psychology to help the masses get beyond budgets and credit reports and dive into the heart of why we behave the way we do with money. And y'all, through her spirit-led teachings and intuitive guidance, Patrice empowers her community to look at life through the lens of abundance opportunity instead of lack and scarcity. She's got a book called Redefine Wealth for Yourself. She's the host of an amazing podcast, y'all. If you like this podcast, I encourage you to go over to her podcast, the Redefining Wealth Podcast. I was honored to be a guest on her show. Yeah. I'm just so excited to have you here. We were talking before and I'm like, we gotta push record. So welcome to the show, Patrice.

I know we could talk all day and not run out of things to talk about. Thank you for having me.

Oh, I love you. And I don't usually read like a whole introduction, like a bio for somebody's intro, but your bio, I want people to know what all you do, cuz you're changing lives in such a meaningful way. And I first met you when we spoke together at Brooke Hemingway's Align, um, talk. What was in Arizona?

In Arizona. Yeah. Earlier this year. Yeah.

Yeah. And it was instant connection.

Feels like I've known you longer already.

I know, but you know what? It feels like home when I'm with you. Like we can just get on and like, whew, just talk, just be us, you know? And so I felt that way from the moment I met you. And I remember I just recently saw an Instagram post that you did. Y'all go follow her on Instagram at Seek Wisdom PCW. That's again, Seek Wisdom at PCW, and all her information will be in the show notes, but I love learning more about you, and I love you had written stuff like, this is what you love, like dancing sometimes offbeat, self-help books, wearing heels even though you're 5'10. And I'm like, yeah, I'm 5'10 too, and I love wearing heels. But I loved one of your podcast episodes where you really shared your story, which blew me away. Because I mean, I've seen you on stage and you rocked it, but you're giving value, value, value, and things that people can apply to their lives every day. But I do I didn't get to hear as much of your in-depth story. Mm-hmm. And I would love for people to know a little bit more about you because this podcast is about resilience and stories of struggle.

Ooh.

To success. And to look at you, I mean, my gosh, you're successful. You're in all these magazines, you're on TV, you've got a new show coming out on TV. Mm-hmm. But it wasn't always that way. Could you tell the story of where you were when you first met Steve Harvey, and then how you got to be on his show, The Money Maven.

Yeah, The Money Maven of The Steve Harvey Morning Show for 4 years, nationally syndicated radio. I actually met Steve when I was 19 years old in college. So I went to his radio show when it was not national. It was just based in Los Angeles where I was a student at the University of Southern California. And I wanted to raise money to revive Black Student Union, which had been a dormant organization on our campus for a decade. And I was driving down the street listening to the radio show— get this, Amberly— listening to the radio show, and I hear them say, do you want to be in the live studio audience? And in my 19-year-old brain, I go, Steve Harvey has money. I bet he could give me $500. That's all I needed. I needed $500 to revive this organization on campus.

And I just got goosebumps right now that that's what you thought. You're like, that's, that's my people. I need to go talk to him.

I need to go.

You're fearless.

Very— no, actually very fearful, actually.

Oh really? Or were you—

Yeah, let me tell you what happened. I got to school, and at the time— this is gonna date me— but you had to fax in a request and wait for someone to call you to say if you could be one of the 10 people in this small studio audience. And I faxed so many times that I jammed up the machine. I faxed choose me, pick me. I had butterflies, rainbows. I was making all kind of pictures. I had like 5 different signs that said choose me with my contact information. And I just kept hitting redial, redial, redial on the fax machine, on the fax machine in an office where I should have been working like as a student worker. And finally the guy calls and he goes, um, hey, is this Patrisse Cunningham? And I'm like, yeah, that's me. He's like, can you stop faxing? I got it. You want to come to the lake. Please stop faxing. You're jamming it up. And he goes, I can't leave and go to my other job until I find these 10 people. I already have you and your guests. Please stop faxing. I was like, oh, okay, great.

Oh.

Where do I need to go? Talk about persistence. That is how I ended up in the audience. And the first thing that they said when we walked in was, no soliciting, do not ask Steve for anything. And I had already stayed up making this like professional letter. I had made up letterhead for this organization that had been dormant and wrote this letter about what we needed and what we needed the funds for. And when they said no soliciting, Amberly, I was like, um, he's not speaking to me. He can't be speaking to me because I woke up at 5 AM to be here. Like, so I'm pretty sure that I'm exempt from this conversation. And when it was time— so I stayed there for the whole show, the whole morning show.

And how long was that?

4 hours. 6 to 10.

4 hours?

It's a 4-hour drive. 6 to 10 AM. Yeah. And at the end, Steve walks out the room, and then this guy comes in and he starts to escort people out. And I keep stepping to the side, like letting people go in front of me, like trying to be the last person. So then I'm the last person, and I— and the guy goes, I knew you were going to ask for something. I was like, well, you know, let me explain. And that's why I go through my whole spiel. I'm from USC Black Student Union, and he goes, oh, I went to USC. I was the— I was the president of the Chicano Student Union when I was there. Hold on. And he goes and gets Steve's manager, and then I make the same pitch to Steve's manager, and he's like, didn't we say no soliciting? I'm like, but is this soliciting? Listen to what I'm saying. Like, he is like, you are crazy, little girl. Um, long story short, after—

But is this soliciting?

But is this— by solicitation you mean, right? Long story short, about 3 weeks later I didn't get a check for $500. I got a check for $2,000, and they invited me to be an intern on the show. And I came on as an intern, was supposed to be for 60 days. I ended up being there for 2 and a half years. Wow, I love that. That is how— I never share that story either, so this is like a True Grit and Grace, like, exclusive. I never really have a chance to, like, go deeply into that story, but that's how I met Steve. Now, while I was working there, I also began to pursue a real estate license. So I became licensed as a real estate professional at 19 while I was working with them. And then at 21, during my senior year in college, I went after my broker's license. So I got a real estate and mortgage broker's license in the state of California during my senior year in college, second semester. And when I graduated from the show, I left to pursue building that business. that I started during senior year. So I left on a great note. They loved me. The show was going national, but that's never what I really intended to do. I just kind of fell into the opportunity. So I left on a good note. I went off to build this, what became a 7-figure real estate empire. By 25 years old, I had a 7-figure business. Um, my then husband and I were like, I mean, you couldn't tell us that we were not doing it. We had 16 loan officers and real estate agents. Between the two of us, we had amassed 13 pieces of real estate. And we, you know, I'm from South Central Los Angeles. I'm first-generation American. And to be able to even see that type of money and do what I was doing at that time and working for myself, I thought I had hit the lotto. Like, untouchable. I felt like invincible. Like, yes. Oh my gosh, this is incredible. Well, the next year, '26, I was pregnant with our child and I took a fall down the stairs at 20 weeks.

I did not realize that.

I took a fall down the stairs at 20 weeks and it sent me into preterm labor. Oh, so when I got to the hospital, the emergency room, they said, ma'am, I'm sorry, this baby is coming any minute. Yeah, and I did what, what I knew to do, which was pray. And I called a few people that I trusted and asked them to pray. And what was supposed to be any minutes, um, turned into 10 weeks on hospital bed rest.

Mm-hmm.

And while I was in the hospital, I was also in that bed watching the banks that I worked with every day close down. So this was the beginning of the recession. Like, the lenders were changing programs left and right. You could tell Like would approve something one day and then cancel it the next day, and it was chaotic.

Wait, what year was this? 20— uh, 2008? 2007?

This is the fall of 2007.

Okay.

In mortgages, you were like, what is happening? Yeah, why is this bank like coming, giving an approval for something, and then literally 2 days later, 48 hours later, they're like, we have to cancel the file? No explanation. It was just all this crazy stuff happening, and I didn't know what was going on. I'm in the hospital on bed rest. My loan officers and real estate agents are freaking out. They are calling me like, hey, I need another lender to send this deal through. They're trying to break down, you know, the buyer's profile and who we would need. And they were very used to me being a fixer because I was very relationship-oriented. So I, I was in really good relationship with our sales representatives, um, and our account executives from the different lenders.

Mm-hmm.

So I could always get something through. But I'm in the hospital on bed rest. They're calling me freaking out. It's making me freak out. My doctor comes in the room about 5 weeks into my stay. She says, Patrice, we're monitoring the baby on this belt that's around your waist. You have got to stop, like, stressing. I don't know what you're stressing about, but if you don't stop, you're gonna leave here 2 years in a row with no baby. Oh, the year before, I gave birth to a son prematurely. Same doctor, same hospital, same floor, and he only lived for 5 hours.

Oh, I did not know that, Patrice. Mm-hmm.

He only lived for 5 hours. So that was my— that was my first lesson in surrender. Of what it meant to surrender, um, because I realized at that moment that what I wanted any more than anything else in that moment was my baby to be born healthy.

Yeah.

And I felt very blessed, like I had a second chance.

Yeah.

Because she didn't come, you know, when I had got to the emergency room. I was like, I just have to cut all the noise off. So my husband stopped everyone from calling me. I would not discuss deals with anyone. He took the laptop away. and brought me an iPod with praise and worship music. I had this really little red leatherette, uh, journal that I wrote prayers and songs to my daughter. I would sing to her every day, off tune, but that's okay. The Lord knows my heart.

Every day, off tune.

Every day, off tune. But you know, the Lord knows my heart. That was never my ministry. And, um, yeah, for the next 5 weeks after that, I pretty much faith my way through it. And my daughter was born around 30 weeks and 5 days, something like that. 3 pounds, 2 ounces.

Wow.

And, um, she's 14 now. She'll be 15 this year. Completely healthy. You would never know that she was so tiny, teeny tiny, fit in the palm of your hand. Um, she's incredible. Very, very smart, very gifted, very athletic, charismatic. Like, I just— she's a dream. She's what I wrote about in that red leather journal. She is that person.

Like, isn't that amazing?

Oh my gosh, she is that person that I literally prayed for. And I tell her all the time, I gotta love you because I'm your mama, but I like you.

Oh, I love that.

Yeah, I like you as a person. So I left the hospital with this healthy baby, teeny tiny, but she was healthy. And I also left with almost $400,000 in medical debt.

Hmm.

Didn't even know it because, I mean, I was there. My husband was never good at opening bills. That was always my role. So he was not paying attention to all the letters and stuff. But my insurance had dropped me at the beginning of my hospital stay. I had no idea.

Oh, that— why did they drop you?

Because I had exhausted whatever that coverage was because I had been in the hospital with my son too, and they were born back to back almost. So I lost him in July, and then I had— and then I conceived Reagan in December. And I, I guess I was using up too much or something. I, I still don't know to this day how, how that is legal. Um, yeah, that happens. But at the time—

But look, I mean, I, I get it. We— when I was in the hospital the first time, I had no idea that the pulmonary doctor that was coming in every day, and he would literally stick something— he would, okay, breathe in, breathe out. $500 every day.

Every time. Every time.

Every time. All he did was say, breathe in, breathe out. Okay. Yeah, $500.

Specialists. Yeah.

And he wasn't in— he wasn't in my, uh, I guess my network. We didn't know that. I would have said, no, stay out of my hospital room. I don't want you in it.

Well, if I knew tubes of Vaseline were $50 in the hospital, I definitely could have had family bring me Vaseline from Walgreens or something. I had—

right.

Like, they would say, do you need this or do you need that? And I'd just be like, oh yeah, thank you. Or, do you need this to make you comfortable?

Yeah.

I had no idea I was saying yes to all this stuff that had been marked up 500%. I just didn't know. And I was young, you know. I had this— I had never been in the hospital like that. And so all those things happen. But mind you, it's the recession. Like, all this stuff is bubbling up. I have tenants that are like losing their jobs. So they're not paying rent. So now I'm not only floating my primary mortgage, I have office, I have, you know, employees, I have car notes, I have all these properties where people are not paying or slow paying, and our savings are just burning, just burning through any money that we had, and deals are not closing. So by 2008, yeah, by mid to late 2008, my cars foreclosed. My—

I hung in there till 2010. I was hanging in there. I mean, because, yeah, I mean, barely hanging in there, taking a loss, taking a loss, taking a loss before I finally had to cut it.

Cut the loss.

Cut the loss.

I had a mentor who finally said to me, you cannot nickel and dime your way out of millions of dollars worth of bad debt at this point. Because I was trying to, like, you know, as they say, rob Peter to pay Paul, like, right? And I was just moving things from one place to the next and trying to keep up with Payment arrangements on different properties.

The stress that, that puts you under.

So stressful as a newly married woman with a brand new baby, losing everything. That, like, imagine the compounding grief at that time, and then the collective grief of our country, just like with so many people going through so much. It was a lot. So the repossessions, the, the foreclosures, it, it was overwhelming. When we lost our home in California, we said, you know what, rent was so expensive. Um, there was just so much. It's— we're like, we're gonna sell everything we can on Craigslist. We did that. We sold everything we could on Craigslist in a weekend and took whatever cash we had and the little stuff we wanted to keep, and we fled to Metairie, Louisiana.

Did you really?

Uh-huh. We had 2 properties there that we had bought after Katrina cash, so we didn't owe anything on those. And we had someone that we were still sending the last of our savings to, thinking if we can get that— because it was cash, right? So we're like, if we can just rehab it, finish the rehabs we had started before I went in the hospital, then we can sell those. Even though it's going to be less than what it would have been before the market started to crash, it would still be all cash for us because we originally owed them free and clear.

Mm-hmm.

We got down there The contractor had been stealing our money.

Oh.

The pictures they had been emailing us were not our property.

Hmm.

So the last of the savings were gone. We had to move into an apartment in like— and it was in Mattery, but it wasn't the nicest area. We moved into an apartment, it was a 600-square-foot apartment. This is where I have what, what you may have heard me talk about before, my come-to-Jesus moment. I had just chased the power man down asking him to turn the lights back on, or my daughter's Mook was gonna spoil. This is after a couple months of being there, literally getting the late in eviction notices like every month, because we were like literally scraping things up, applying for food stamps, applying for any state or government support that we could get. And I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired, Amberly. Like, I literally couldn't take it anymore. And I remember, uh, my husband at the time took the baby, he left. Oh my God. and took her on like a walk or something. And I got in the mirror in that little bathroom, teeny tiny bathroom. When I tell you, you could barely turn around in there. Teeny tiny bathroom. And I got in that mirror and I said, now God, why me? Just why me? I've been a good person. One thing about it, I have always been someone who wanted to operate in integrity. That has been like a core value for me my entire life, my entire adult life at least. High school, I don't know. High school, we were all a little suspect. But as an adult and owning my first business, integrity was always it. Even if I have to tell you something that you're not going to want to hear, I'd rather know that I told you the truth and allow you to make a decision, which is why my business grew. I always had great clients. Well, I said, God, why me? I've been a good person. I operate integrity. I try to treat everybody well. Like, why would you allow this to happen to me? Even though there was a whole recession going on in the world, I internalized it as God is picking on me. I don't know if anyone else has ever been there.

I think we've all been there, right?

We're like— it's like, why, why, why, why me? Woe is me. I did all that. It turned into me crying. It turned into me bawling and snotting and just an ugly cry till I couldn't take it anymore. I just didn't even recognize my face. I ended up on the floor On my knees, balled up, darn near in fetal position. And I'm like, God, you got to tell me something. Like, I gotta hear from you. I brought myself as far as I can take myself. I don't have any more cute clichés. I'm tired of being the strong one. I tried to always uplift my husband at the time, so I was always trying to say something positive and like, baby, it's gonna be okay, and this and that. But at that moment, I was—

You're like, I'm done.

Nothing. I'm done. I have nothing left to give. I can't say another good thing is going to come out of this foolishness. This is, this is foolish. And the Holy Spirit said, get your Bible. I got my Bible. I ended up on Proverbs 17:16, and it said, what good is money in the hands of a fool if they had no desire to seek wisdom? Wow. What good is money in the hands of a fool if they have no desire to seek wisdom? When I tell you, it was like a light bulb went off in my chest, like everywhere. Like a— like something washed over me, like, wait a minute. Yes, I did make a lot of money very young. I did all the things. I got all the certifications. Like, I'm like, but I feel like I'm smart. I don't know why God would be trying to tell me I'm a fool right now. I feel smart. I was told that I was the smart one. Yeah. I've always identified as the smart one. And that's when the Holy Spirit revealed to me— I started looking stuff up. What's the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Holy Spirit showed me. I start like, you know, really looking into it. Well, knowledge is the information and the education. It's the, it's the information. Wisdom is knowing how to apply it.

Um, so that's how you got—

I mean, you're wise.

So I wondered, your Instagram handle, Seek Wisdom.

Wisdom. It's— that was the—

yeah, that was it. I always wondered that.

I'm so glad that 27, 28-year-old Patrice knew to choose that as a, as an Instagram handle, as a social media handle, because it, it always reminds me of that. Back then, I was not a person that would seek wisdom. Like, I didn't know about coaches and mentors and programs, and like, that stuff wasn't as heavily promoted. Like, yes, used to have those seminars. You go to the seminar and do those things, but the way that it's widely accepted now No. And I was used to being the person who can fix it. So I was taught to just figure it out all my life. So all this was happening, losing everything, having to lay my team off. My friends and family did not know. I suffered in silence.

Mm.

So that breakdown that I had on the bathroom floor was because I also had kept so much in and was still trying to be a support for other people when I didn't—

You needed support.

I needed support. I didn't have—

We all need support. But you know what? I grew up so similar. Maybe that's why we connect so well, is I grew up the same way. I mean, it was like, suck it up, buttercup, you got to get it done. So I didn't tell a lot of people when I was really suffering. I was the fixer of the family. I was the middle child. I was the one that communicated between my divorced parents. I was the one that, oh, don't worry, I got this. everything's going to be okay. Let me make sure everything's okay with you and you. Meanwhile, I'm trying to hold everything up. And it— you need— I'm glad. And I think that people like Dean Graziosi and Tony Robbins who have gone out there and shared the importance of mentors and masterminds and that sort of thing have brought a lot of awareness to the importance of asking for help and getting a great mentor in your business or going to therapy or talking to someone. someone and how important it is. But I grew up the same way.

Yeah, and it can be very detrimental. You know, I talk about purpose a lot, right? You know, my whole thing is chase purpose, not money. And I think that one of our big barriers to actually amplifying our purpose in the marketplace is our unwillingness to trust people, like, with being able to hold the vision. So what I mean by that is when you grow up with suck it up, buttercup, right, and figure it out, you don't even realize that there are people who are willing to support you. Like, you— it doesn't even occur to you, right? And then you start to do that, like, well, I could do it by myself and no one will do it as good as me. And, you know, we have all of these little clichés that actually keep us back because our purpose could be elevated sooner, quicker, faster if we actually had the support of others. Like, when you and I talk, we exchange ideas. We give each other, like, right, just in a conversation about what we want to do with this part of our business or that part of our business.

Oh yeah.

A new awareness comes about. You're exposed to new ideas, you have new thoughts. And I believe that one thing can change everything, but we have to be willing to put ourselves in spaces. And when I got up off that bathroom floor, Amberly, I started to tell everybody that I needed help. Like, like, I would meet someone and have a conversation. And actually, that is how I ended up starting a free blog, which was the very first thing that I did, that I launched after getting off that bathroom floor. Well, only because I had met some ladies in Starbucks and they were mom bloggers, and I was like, what is that? I had never heard of blogging.

Oh, I know.

I wasn't, you know, I owned a brick-and-mortar business. I had never heard of that, like, blogging. And, you know, they're like, we're mommy bloggers. And I was like, well, I don't really want to do that. Like, but I was like, oh, I could talk about money. So I talked about what I enjoy— faith and money. Those were 2, 2 things. And I, I used to share like biblical principles on personal finance, things I would read Proverbs every day anyway. And then I would take out a proverb from whatever chapter I was reading, like, and digest it and, and just like figure out how I can use it to help people. Well, that free blog turned into me writing for other blogs, and then writing for those blogs turned into me writing for magazines. And then I wrote my first book, and then I started doing radio. And then, you know, 2014, to bring this full circle, Steve Harvey reached out.

Isn't that wild?

You're out here doing these things, we want to support you. My second book, I was supposed to go on the show, one-time interview, and that was— I was self-published, right? So there was no budget, there was no I was self-published. I was doing it on my own. They said, we want to support you. We put it— we did the interview January 2014. It went so well that they asked me to come back a couple weeks later because people were tweeting and like, hey, who was that lady? I want to ask a question. So I go back a few weeks later, went really well. I go back again, it goes really well. Finally, Steve says on air, you should just come back every week. And even if he said it as a joke, I ran with it. I was like, sure. And I created— My own segment.

And you're like, yep, I will do it. That's a yes.

I will. If that's an invitation, I accept. I'm on it. And so I ended up on the Steve Harvey Morning Show and then on the Steve Harvey Talk Show, among— amongst a bunch of other shows for 4 years. And all of that came— all of that came from that moment on the bathroom floor. Because when I got that revelation, and even when the doubt would creep in, like, who do you think you are? You're still getting food stamps, right? That, that was just like that first year or so, year and a half or so. But it was like, as I was writing the blog, I was still having these very real experiences. And I just remember I would say all the time, God, I just want to help restore hope. Like, I just want people to stay encouraged during this season, like, no matter what financial stuff they're going through. And when that voice will come up and say, who do you think you are? I would have to keep saying, I lost all my money, but my mind isn't bad. Oh, I lost all my— I know I lost all my money, God, but my mind isn't bad. You can still use me. You can still use me. And my prayer pretty much every other day for the last, I would say, about 13, 14 years has just been, God, use me.

Um, and you know what I have to say is, when we first met, I think one of the ways that I really connected with you is you came into the bathroom. So we were backstage and, and one of my like favorite speakers came to this event. Dan Clark came to hear me speak and I was instantly like, oh my God, like my favorite speaker is here to— he's gonna hear me speak. And it was just like I started thinking about me. What was he gonna think about me? How was he gonna critique me? Oh, it's all about me. You know, like I was in my ego. And I got all nervous. And I remember going to the bathroom and I looked at you and I said, Patrice, I'm so nervous. Dan Clark just got here. He's here to hear me speak. And you said, do you want me to pray with you? I said, yes, please.

Yeah.

And you sat there and you held my hands and you prayed, and instantly I felt better. And I was like, oh, like The tears dried up. Oh, the butterflies were dancing a little bit, you know, like they should instead of crazy. Yeah. And I was like, it just made— and so there's just such power in prayer and connection. And boy, God is using you in such good, amazing ways. You're helping so many people, whether it's through your podcast or your speaking. And you know what? When you're on stage, you do Command the stage. And I know you have a course that's called Command the Stage, and you teach others how to do that. But you— and I want to talk about that in a little bit— but you really do. You have just such this energy and light when you're either through your podcast or, you know, I listen to your podcast and I'll have the video playing. I love how you, when you're listening to it, you can see the video playing. And I'll be working out at the gym and I feel like I'm right there with you watching you and you're talking to me, you know.

Yeah.

You know, it's so, it's so amazing. But a lot of things you share about chasing your purpose, not chasing the money, but like really about getting into your purpose. Do you have a lot of people that ask you like, well, I don't know what my purpose is, or I don't know what my gifts are, how do I find it? What would you say to that person who's like, well, I don't know what my gift is?

You know what's so funny? I am asked this so often every day that I literally created something to help people like work through that.

Really?

Yeah, it's at thepurposechallenge.com. And the thing is, I always tell people, it's not that you don't know what your purpose is, it's that you dismiss it and just diminish it. Like oftentimes it's literally the thing that we do effortlessly. If we do it better than anyone else with the least amount of effort, but because it's so effortless and we're not, uh, straining to, to do it, it seems like, well, it can't be that. It needs to look like Amberly's. It needs to look like Patrice's. It needs to look like insert whoever it is you see out there that you like. And so we judge ourselves. And you know that what— comparison is the thief of joy.

Mm-hmm.

We judge ourselves looking at other people's gifts, and we're not just embracing and accepting our own. So I always tell people, it's not that You need to find your purpose because it's not hiding from you. It's not under the bed. It's not in a closet somewhere, right? It is already in you. All you have to do is accept it and activate it. And for me, my gift is just talking. So when you say, whether it's on a podcast or on a stage or talking to the person next to me on the plane, which—

Mm-hmm.

If you ever sit next to me on a plane and you are open to talking and the Spirit leads, you are going to leave that plane a different person. Like, that just is what it is. Like, sometimes I don't feel led to speak to anyone, to be honest, but depending on how the scenario is— and I'm saying that because I just got off a plane and had this experience, and this woman who was the CEO of a company was like, you are one of the most refreshing people I've ever talked to in my life.

Like, you, you are, you really are. But you know what, it's funny because my mom, when she would pick me up from the airport, she goes, Amberly, every time I pick you up from the airport, you've always made best friends on the airplane to the person next to you.

That's why we're the same person. We're like little vanilla and chocolate cousins here. Like, we're the same person, right? But I was— but I want to make sure that the listeners are clear. Me talking is the thing that got me in trouble all the time as a kid. Me, uh, Having a voice and having an opinion and wanting to share it is the thing that people tried to make me question, right? It was like, you're a know-it-all, you talk too much, you always have something to say, all of those things. Many of us question the gift because other people didn't understand the gift. And so when people don't understand the gift of of course they're trying to like squash it. Of course they're gonna diminish it. But those are the very things that God gave you to produce wealth in the world. Like, that is the thing that should be connected to your purpose. Because we hear all the time that, well, follow your passion and the money will come. No, you can be passionate about something that you're not proficient in. You can be passionate about something and it should literally be a hobby. It does not have to be The purpose of your life, right? Passion energizes you, it excites you, it, it like, it is for you. But purpose is for others. So if you can connect the things that energize and excite you with how to be a blessing to others, now we're talking about purpose. Because when you see the impact of what you do on other people, that creates fulfillment. And when you have that fulfillment— and this is where my financial psychology stuff kicks in, because, you know, I, I just— I got the MBA just to like get the science behind behavioral finance and financial psychology. But a lot of what I was teaching before was just intuitive, and it was through the work I was doing with people one-on-one.

Mm-hmm.

But when that fulfillment starts to kick in, now you can make better financial choices because you're not using money to buy things or buy people to fill a void. That's why for me I talk about purpose so much, because if I can get you in alignment with the thing that you were called to do, I don't have to keep talking to you about credit. The natural byproduct is that you show up better in the spaces that impact your finances.

Wow, I have never had purpose explained as well as you just explained it. That was brilliant. And yeah, and you know what, if If we feel better, and we're in our purpose, and we feel fulfilled, everything starts to happen for us.

Click, click, click, click, you get into this rhythm or momentum, right? And when you're in alignment with that purpose, things don't have to be perfect. But it feels good, right? Because we can come on any day, in full transparency, I was just telling Amberly about my last 2 weeks worth of travel. I mean, I was on set, Amberly. I had 12-hour days on set, call time at 4 AM for makeup, start filming at 5:15 AM, going until 4 and 5. That's the type of schedule I just came off of. And then I came home and I had meetings all day today, and then our podcast episode that we're recording. And I said, girl, hey friend, I'm tired.

And I said, how do you look so good?

And I was like, do I, or are you being nice, right? Yes, but everything was so in alignment and such an opportunity for me to continue to use my voice and now extend it to a TV platform where I can inspire others.

Yeah, well, you got to tell us about this. This is big, big news, something I've been so excited for you about.

Yeah, please tell us. So I was cast for a show called Opportunity Knocks. It comes out this fall on PBS, so you guys stay looking for it. And Opportunity Knocks is essentially a financial education show. It's like financial intervention. So myself and two other financial coaches who are world-renowned—Jean Chatzky from the Today Show, 25 years on the Today Show as the money editor—and Luis Barajas, who is like call him. the Mexican Dave Ramsey, if you will, like star of like finance on Telemundo. And wow, I mean, just also CNN and, and Fox News, and he's been on everything, written several books. The 3 of us go into people's homes all over the country, different— we were assigned different families, and we help restore their finances. Like, we become their personal financial coach, and we look at everything and give them tools and resources, but we connect them to nonprofits and CDFIs, which are community development financial institutions. So think, um, think your local credit unions. There are so many programs within these types of financial institutions specifically for like working Americans who just need help and they need resources.

Right.

Whether it be My car was financed way too high because I started with bad credit. Now I need to refinance it. Or I have all of this debt that maybe I need to consolidate so I can breathe. Or I have these high student loan payments and I need help, like, reorganizing this. We go in, we assess it, we partner them with community resources in their own backyard that they did not even know were there. Yeah.

And that's incredible. That is so incredible. It was so fulfilling. Oh my gosh, I am so happy for you. Um, you know, and, and as you're talking, you know what I'm thinking? A couple of things. She is so smart. God, you're just so smart. But also you have so much grit. And so I just wondered, like, where do you think you developed that grit, that resilience to keep moving forward? Where do you think you got that from?

Well, I would say first of all, my faith. I feel that my resilience is rooted in my faith journey and, and really this idea that nothing has happened to me, it's all happened for me. And if I believe that all things— good, bad, whatever, in the middle— if, if I believe that all things come together for my good, no matter what I've experienced or I am experiencing, it's only going to be blessing or a lesson. I take no L's in life. I don't— there— I— oh, I have to take the L. I take no L's. If L stands for lesson, okay, but everything that I experience leads to a new awareness for me that somehow I should be able to use. And I, and I think that God is so strategic because, you know, you have an experience and you're like, now why the heck would I go through something like that? And then you fast forward and sometimes it's to be a blessing to somebody else, like The people that I've talked to and the things that I've experienced, and even for me in my own story, I went to one of these CDFIs back in the day and I ended up getting a second chance auto loan because remember I had repossessions. And so now to be in a place where when they casted me for the show and they're like, do you know about this stuff? I'm like, dude, I've lived it. I lived it. I needed it. And I wish I would have known about it sooner. So I'm grateful to be on this this journey with these families because it's what I wish I knew, like, back in the day, right? But I think it comes— I know it comes from faith, but I also have to give credit to my very strong-willed grandmother and mother who raised me.

Mm-hmm.

I was raised by single women who, yes, they would say, hey, just figure it out. And some of that was a part of why I am the way I am. Like, anything that happens, again, I'm like, you'll figure it out. And you don't need to figure out every step. You just need to take the next best step.

Mm-hmm. That is so powerful. I know I was raised by my strong grandmother and mom too. And, and although a lot of it was suck it up and cowgirl up and figure it out, it did help me to a certain extent until I learned. Yeah, to an extent that I was like, okay, wait a minute, I need help. But I did have to figure things out, and I did start working really young, and I think that it helped me in the long run. And I do believe that there's a blessing, a blessing or a lesson in everything, even though it might be really hard at some moments. But can you just talk to us a little bit? I know we're running out of time, but before we go, I know you talk about so much about when you have these pillars that you talk about that allow you to thrive in life, that allow you to feel good and to do good. When you feel good, you can do more good. Can you share a little bit about the pillars? I downloaded them, by the way. I love it.

Yeah, so the pillars, they were my framework for life before it became something I used on the podcast. You know, as I was rebuilding my life from that bathroom floor March 9th, 2009, in Metairie, Louisiana, to present, the pillars have just been a guide, like, to Don't think that the problem is you don't know the 3 credit bureaus or the credit score itself or what type of budget I use. It's so much bigger than that because when you have clutter in other parts of your life, it impacts your ability to just follow along with stuff you already heard before. So all our big mamas and grandmas told us to not spend more than we made. We know that we should save 10%. We know we shouldn't put all our eggs in one basket. Like you You hear these things, but when your life is cluttered, you don't have the capacity to follow through. And so when I was launching Redefining Wealth, the podcast, in 2017, I went through all of the habits, the rituals, the behaviors, the mindsets, and I just was like, God, give me the insight to document what this journey has been. And I saw very clearly these 6 pillars. So the first is fit. It's about becoming your best self. In that pillar, you will hear me talk about or read in the book about becoming your best self. It's about mental wellness and physical wellness. Um, it's— it really just looks at the fact that so many of us are so caught up in chasing money in this hustle and grind culture that we forget that there truly is no wealth without health. Like, we're praying for things we don't have the capacity to sustain mentally or physically. And so really getting that in check. And I have to tell you, the event that we spoke at There was a woman who came up to me when I was, uh, signing books at the end. She said, I made my first doctor's appointment in 10 years sitting at my seat because of what you just said.

Wow.

I have not been to the doctor, and I know that I need to. And especially for us as women, we will take care of everybody else, and we will limp around and hurt and know that something is wrong.

Oh my God, it's so true. It's so true. Yeah, I, I used to be that way. I am so much better now. Like, I'm— I mean, I'm, I'm like a little bit overboard now. And it's— but you know what though, it took me being in the— I was— it went to the hospital by then. I was septic. So they're like, yeah, we have to admit you. And not only that, we— you're gonna have to be in the special unit. And I'm like, I don't want to go in the special unit. What does that even mean? They're like, Because I was like, why don't you want to, you know, go in the hospital? And I said, because I won't be able to see my daughter. And, um, anyway, I went septic from a kidney infection because I was letting it go, letting it go. And after that, I do not screw around. If I feel anything or if I feel like I might be getting an infection, if I can't get into the doctor that day, I'm in urgent care because I won't—

Yeah, me too.

I won't screw around with that.

Yeah.

But it took me getting to that point. But you're so right. And a lot of times, until— like, it took me really losing my health and being in the hospital for me to go, well, what's the point in having all these things if I can't enjoy them? So yeah, I think your health has— And, and I see so many entrepreneurs or successful people or billionaires that they look so unhealthy. And I'm like, well, can you— how's your heart? How, you know, you know what I mean?

Absolutely, absolutely. I'm not, I'm not building this ministry, I call it. I know it's a business, but I do feel I'm definitely in ministry in a lot of ways. And I'm not building this to only get to a point where I would pay for prescriptions I can't pronounce.

Hmm.

No, like, I want to be able to enjoy this, enjoy my family, enjoy the fruits of my labor. And that means being more intentional about how I live my life and how I take care of myself and all of the things. Like, it just— that's what it includes. That's why I take a month off during the summer. That's why I take Wednesdays off during the regular week. Like, yes, I do have a rigorous schedule. Um, but I hold true and like hold those days and dates very sacred, and everything else has to be built around this because I— around it because I value taking care of it.

That's amazing. So you take a month off in the summer, you take Wednesdays off, you take Sunday off.

I love it. I just say no. Good. Oh, you're not going to be able to get on this big podcast? That's fine, I can get on 2 other smaller podcasts then. No problem on Tuesdays, you know, or on a Monday if I'm going to record on a Monday. I won't do it on a Wednesday. That's the day— it's like a Sabbath for me, you know. It's a day that I think and take care of myself. So I do have a rigorous schedule, but I build in rest points, um, to support me.

That is so— we all need to hear that. I am so sick of this hustle and grind culture. If my husband's listening to this episode, he's going to be like, yeah, but that's all you do is work. I know, I sometimes like— it's like, okay, I need to take a day off or more. But I used to just— I was like in survival mode. I would just work, work, work, work, work. And I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be in thrive mode. And I love that you take time off. And you know what, I, I've turned down an opportunity and I remember thinking, oh, I can't believe I'm saying no. I turned down an opportunity right before we started recording this. I was going to be flown out to my Montana to do a retreat. It's been a dream of mine to go to Montana. They're like, they're gonna pay me to go to Montana and do this retreat and sounds amazing. And I looked at my schedule and I'm like, there's no way I can squeeze in a retreat in July. There's, it's not gonna happen. And so I've gotten better about saying no.

Those boundaries are big and leading into the people pillar. And this was—

So you've got the fit pillar.

That was the fit pillar. So people pillar is next, and it's about creating relationships that And the big thing that I say in the People Pillar is that there's always someone watching you who has the power to bless you.

I have that written down that you say, because I love it. There's always someone watching you and there's always someone who can bless you. So who are they watching you be?

Yeah, who are they watching you be? And, you know, honestly, I've turned down things, Amberly, and I've been like, dang, that would have been great. You know, boundaries. Like, I, you know, I have to— because we can set boundaries, but do you enforce them? That was the big thing for me. It's like, I, I would say, oh, I'm off on Wednesdays, and then I will still straddle the fence based on who it was. And I'm like, no matter who it is, I need to take care of Patrice. Like, that's my first, like, thing. Like, I have to take care of myself. Save yourself first, right? I can't tell you how many times I've said no, and people were so impressed by how much I respected my own boundaries that they did come back. Or they move things in order to accommodate my schedule. And I think that when we operate that way, we actually give people permission to see that it's possible to still make the money or get the opportunity or do the thing, but all while nurturing your own boundaries.

Yeah, you know what, it's so true because I had an opportunity to go speak at a mastermind and so wanted to go. It didn't work in my schedule and it was going to cost me money instead of like— it was just not a good thing. The only reason I wanted to go was I wanted to be able to meet Jesse Itzler, who was going to be there too. And I love Jesse Itzler. I was like, oh man, I loved him. And I'm like, I can't believe I said no to that. It was my window. It was my door to finally meet Jesse, blah, blah, blah. Do you know a month later? I get a DM from Jesse Itzler out of the blue. I swear, out of the blue, a DM. Jesse Itzler saying, Amberly, I really like that last post you did. Hey, it looks like you're in Dallas. I'm going to be in Dallas. Do you want to come hear me speak at this or this? And I said— it was all God. And I said, yeah, I'd love to hear you speak. Where can I buy a ticket? He said, no, no, no, no, just come meet me, hang out. I'm like, are you kidding me? Yeah, like, this is better.

That's— then I talk about those type of scenarios, and I'm so glad you said that because I'm always telling people it's not just me. Like, I don't want you to think that I'm just making up these stories. No, this is, this is my life. Like, those types of moments, Amberly—

I have goosebumps.

Oh my gosh, I experienced that all the time. For me, let me tell you one that just happened for me. Oh, I'm listening to Untamed by Glennon Doyle. I love the book. I'm like, I'm gonna put her on a short list of people to be on the podcast. Like, I just have got to talk to this woman and tell her how she blessed me with her story, right? To me, does— like, all the other things that people may associate with her, I do not care. Her story of basically grit and grace, right? And, and defying what other people thought She should be doing. And you know this, that I went through a divorce this year. So there were just a lot of things that really stood out to me. I go, I'm gonna put her on a shortlist of the podcast. I, you know, I gotta find someone that knows her. I need to make a special ask, on and on and on. But I'm saying this to myself, right? And I did tell my team, I want to get her. I wake up one night out the blue. I feel like, let me check, let me check Instagram. Like I had taken a nap early. You know, when you— have you ever had a day where you were like, I just need to go to sleep and Over. Like, yeah, I'm done. I'm done with this day. It was one of those Tuesdays where I was recording back to back. I was like, I just can't take anymore. So I fell asleep really early. So when I woke up, it was like, call it 11 o'clock at night. I go, huh, check my phone, look at Instagram. I have a DM. Hey Patrice, we would love to book you to speak at this event in Arizona where I met you. Um, we already have the headliner, it's Glennon Doyle, and we would host a meet and greet for the two of you.

Oh wow, goosebumps again.

Amberly, I have never even almost been on the same stage with Glennon Doyle.

I've shared the stage at an event, but it wasn't like I got to hang out with her. She was escorted— it was at the LA Convention Center, and she was escorted in by security, and, you know, she spoke at a different time, and on a different day. And I didn't make it a big enough point to try to meet her, but it was timing, you know? It was timing.

It was timing. It was like the intent— I was like, I need to talk to her and tell her thank you and how that book was a blessing to me, has been a blessing in this season. I want her on the podcast. And here I am thinking podcast, meet her virtually, and God is like, I'ma put you in the same room. Wow. Yeah, so that is happening.

When is that happening?

September of this year. So by the time this—

But when this is about to come out, about the time this will be out, about then.

Yeah, then you guys will come to my Instagram and be like, she did it!

You know what, girl, I might fly out and be in the audience and start the standing ovation if you tell me where it is. You never know, I might show up and be like, I Got you.

I got you. I'll make sure I get that info to you. But yeah, like what you shared, it's just— it's so true. Like, we are so much more magnetic than we think. And I always say this: what we verbalize, we magnify and magnetize in our own lives. And so a lot of us speak from what can't be done, and what— and, you know, we talk about what we don't want and what we don't like, and we're very clear about that. But how often do you take time, just even mentally, to articulate what you want to see in your life, what you want to create? Do you write the vision and make it plain? Do you speak life into the atmosphere? I call it giving God something to bless. I always say you want to give God something to bless. Like, God knows what you're waiting on when he sees what you're working on.

Mm-hmm.

What are you working on that he can supernaturally even just put a hand on? If— and if you're not into God, and if you're like, oh, what the universe universe. Doesn't matter to me because I— look, I think all of this stuff is very much in alignment. So I don't— I'm not a divisive spirit in terms of what you call things or who you say whatever. That's actually the faith pillar, which is the 4th one, believing in something greater. Do you believe though that all experiences can come together for your good?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, then. And do you believe that your words are powerful and, and there's life and death in the power of your tongue? If you believe that, which is why Even in spiritual circles, affirmations are so big, right? Like affirming things, speaking life. The things that have manifested in my life were literally— it blows my mind every week.

Mm-hmm.

I'm like, are you serious right now that this is happening? And the thing that I always want people to hear and take away, it's not because you are forcing or pushing or manipulating anything. You had a thought. You were like, man, I could have gone, I could have met Jesse, and then got the DM and the invite to be there, right? You didn't force or push or manipulate anything to get that invite. You weren't like, hey Jesse, in the DMs. Like, you weren't pushing a conversation or a certain narrative.

Oh, I had not even— and you know, I found out later how, how it actually happened was I had made a connection with another friend who— she was launching her podcast and she's like, Amberly, you know, it's just— it was a, you know, just launching this podcast, would you be a guest? And I'm like, yes. I said yes, interviewed, we hit it off. She somehow knew Jesse, and when she was talking to Jesse, she was like, do you know who Amberly Lago is? You've got to meet Amberly Lago.

And you never know, there's always someone watching you who has the power to bless you. You are in demand. Like, you have your own large platform. Oftentimes it's not really advantageous for us to go on newer, newer podcasts if they're not well established because there's a lot of people trying to get us on podcasts. And so what is it? It's a, it's a numbers game. Like, let's keep it real, you know, you're at this point, you're aligning yourself with opportunities that are going to maximize your time. That's just wise. So you said yes to that though, in the spirit of chase purpose. It's not money, it's not about, oh, the numbers and the down. Okay, you said yes, and there was— she was watching you. Like, you didn't have to ask, you did not have to beg, you did not have to force or manipulate anything. You showed up purposefully and you served. And for me, as I go from event to event or do different things, that's always my heart and my posture. If I'm here, I'm gonna show up, I'm gonna add value, I'm gonna serve, I'm gonna love on people. God, use me, right?

Mm-hmm.

I just wrapped up filming that show, and there were some investors, the backers there for the show. Had no idea who these people were, Amberly. You know me, I'm gonna like, hi, how you doing? I talked to one woman, I was like, look at you looking sassy. She had like a little leopard print shawl on or something, and I was Given her a compliment, thought nothing about it. They have been walking around watching us film different scenes. We were at Dollywood in, uh, out there out of Knoxville, Tennessee. Um, and I never really paid attention. I'm there to work, so I'm doing my thing, but always smiling, you know, hey, waving at people. I have no idea who's who. By the end of those days of taping, 3 of those investors came up to me, said, is it possible to work with you outside of of this in different ways. One came and said, hey, we're looking for, um, an opening keynote speaker for an event that's next May. Is it too early to book you? Now, this woman has never seen me speak.

Wow.

In a speaking capacity. She's just seen these segments that I've filmed here for these 2 and a half days in this space. But 3 people offered me opportunities Out of this one opportunity.

That's the thing, you know, when you're showing up to serve and add value and you're kind as well, you never know where that can lead. It, it's funny, I just had a call with a speakers bureau this morning and they were— they're like, well, how are you getting all these jobs, all these speaking gigs? How are you doing it? And I said, it's relationships. I said, it's through meeting people. Either they've seen— I've met them at an event, they've heard me speak at an event, or it's a referral. I said, this one I have coming up, it's the 3rd time in a row I've been hired for this same event. So I'm like, oh my gosh, it's the 3rd time. I got to come up with some new material. You know, it is so much. It's how you treat people, I think.

Yeah, then that's the people pillar. And I, and I love everything we've shared because this is what I want you guys to take away. All of that adds to our ability to build wealth because look at the relationships, right? I said yes to the show. It's on PBS. It's not, you know, big network and all that and all that stuff, but I believed in the vision, right? I believed in helping people in this way and exposing people to the fact that there are all these resources right in their local community.

Mm-hmm.

Um, but all of the speaking that's gonna come out of it is at my full rate. So look at like all these opportunities. So I sow into being a part of this project because I believe in it. It is a chase purpose, not money opportunity for me, straight up, right? And then in the filming, not even the show coming out, in the filming with like just a dozen people around, 3 of them make a decision that they want to work with me in some capacity outside of that. That is that. So when we talk about— this is why I would say all of the pillars lead to the monetary stuff. Redefining Wealth is about what are the areas of our lives that impact our finances, even though it's not direct. It's indirectly me being a person who values relationships and treats people well. leads to people saying, you need her, use her. I've been on stages where the people who booked me paid my full rate. They had never seen me like in person, but other people vouched for me so hard, they were like, okay, let's get her. And then they go, oh my gosh, you were amazing. I didn't even know who you were, what you were actually gonna do. That has been a part of me being able to re-establish and rebuild my financial wealth, but it's people. And I know we can't go into all the pillars, but you guys, you literally can come to Redefining Wealth Podcast. You can go to my website, like, you can find all the pillars. But I'm in awe of what a blessing it is to share with people that they don't have to keep beating themselves up about financial loss or financial failure. There are actually things that you could be working on and doing that you may feel like What does this have to do with money? But I, I get emails and DMs all the time where people go, I've been working on my fit pillar, I've been working on my people pillar, I've been working on my space pillar, and they are seeing how it's causing them to show up differently for their finances. Because you know this, but the money pillar is last. It's there, but it's the last thing. Once we clear up some of these other areas of our lives That is what creates that flow and that momentum.

Well, tell people where they can download that because I doubt— can they still download it? Because I downloaded it.

Yeah, you can get the cheat sheet. So there's the 6 Pillar Cheat Sheet at patricewashington.com/6pillars. And you can grab that cheat sheet and it'll break down each one.

Yeah, I love it. It's awesome. And now tell people where they— if they want to learn to command the stage, because I think you're gonna have that coming up, right?

I do, I do. Actually, the doors are open this month, um, for a new cohort of Command the Stage, um, and you can go to commandthestage.com to learn more information. I love, love, love, love, love this. It's a 6-week speaker training where people who already, you know—

Is it for men and women, or—

Men and women, yeah. And I mean, you know, for folks who love grit and grace and, and, you know, you want to use your story of grit and how you've been able to find grace through this crazy life that we all have, um, how to create the framework to tell that story powerfully from the stage. And whether you're going to introduce yourself in a 3-minute podcast intro or you have a 30-minute talk to deliver, once you understand the framework and what's behind it, you will be able to connect with your audience so much more powerfully and magnetically, and you'll be the most memorable person on any platform that you touch. And I have so many clients. I think at this point since 2020, we've served over 225 people in that program. Um, and I mean, we have dozens of testimonials about how it's just shifted how people show up, their confidence, you know, how they tell their story. I love it. Yeah, it's one of my favorite things to teach.

Oh, well, I love seeing you on stage. Thank you. You are magnetic. I mean, totally. And then if you want to grab her book, just go to her website too, or you could probably just go to, you know, Amazon. Amazon, probably the easiest place to get it. But y'all check out her podcast, the link for her podcast, her website, and follow her on Instagram. I love you, girl, and I am just Blessed to call you friend. Screenshot this if you're watching it on YouTube, or if you are listening to it, take a little snapshot, put it in your story. And I always repost it when I see it. But just if you really enjoyed this episode as much as I love talking to Patrice, just screenshot it and tag me @AmberlyLagoMotivation and tag Patrice @SeekWisdomPCW. So let us know that you heard the episode. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and, and just connecting and sharing your heart with us here on True Grit and Grace. I just love you and thank you.

Oh my gosh, I love you too. Such an honor to be here.

Next week we'll have another exciting episode, but thank you for being here.