From Shattered by Suicide to Rising with Strength and Voice with Tiffaney Childers

What do you think some misconceptions people have about grief or suicide loss that you hope the book helps to break?

A lot of people, and I'm probably going to go back to actual suicide, like a lot of people think if somebody talks about it, then they're not going to do it and they're just talking about it and they're never ever going to take steps to do it. And that is so, so, so false. If somebody cries out that they are going to do this, you take them very, very seriously. And take steps to— I always call it the 2-step method. Number one, are you okay? And number two, do you know that if you're not okay, that you can talk to me? My hip surgery was unsuccessful, so I've still got to deal with that, and I've still got a lot of inflammation in my hip. So I walk and I walk and I walk and I walk up to 5 miles a day now, and I at least get 10,000 steps. That is non-negotiable.

Well, are there things that people can do to reach out for support if they can't afford a therapist?

And I'm assuming that you're meaning if they have a suicide loss. If you can look up and see if you have a LOSS team in your area, which is L-O-S-S, and that stands for Local Outreach to Suicide Survivors. And they, you can go on losteam.com and see if there's one in your area. And they have so many resources and they'll find you resources in your area, whether it's a support group. And I think that's what saved me is it's a peer-led support group. So it's peer-led by someone who's lost someone to suicide like me.

I really believe you have to be Medication hits everybody different.

It does. I mean, I can take Cymbalta and then you can take it and we'll have 2 totally different reactions to it. What's good for one cannot be good for all.

Hey, I am so glad that you're here. Thank you for tuning in. I have a real treat for you today. I have Tiffany Childers with us today, y'all. She doesn't just talk about healing. She has lived it. She's clawed her way through and now walks beside survivors as they navigate their loss. After losing both of her parents to suicide and living through just years of suppressed grief and emotional survival. She knows what it means to unravel and what it takes to rebuild. Not only that, she is my sister, I guess I should say CRPS warrior, so we can relate on a whole different level. She's a good friend. She's the author of The Rise Back Book. I have it right here. If you're looking on YouTube, you will see this beautiful book cover. It's a bestselling book. It is making waves. She's a speaker. She's a suicide loss advocate, and she stands with those who have been shattered by suicide loss and helps them reclaim their voice, power, and identity. Um, Tiffany, I love you. Thank you for being here. Welcome to the show.

I love you too. Thank you for having me.

Oh my gosh, so much to talk about and We, we met and it was like, I feel like instant connection because we have so much in common. And I just have to tell everybody right now, I've talked about you, not just because the person you are, but just how you showed up for me. I just recently spoke at the National RSDSA conference and I was struggling. The pain was real. And after I got off stage, you were there and we were sitting at my book signing table and you're like, you know what? We need to get you out of here. Let's get you out of here. Come on. And your son and daughter were there and your husband was there and they like took my suitcases for me and like rolled out of there with me. And that means more to me than you know, but I know you can relate on a deep level. level what that pain is, but you have gone through pain physically from CRPS and still do, but also from the suicide loss. Before we get into the suicide and the backstory, I just wonder, do you feel like suppressed trauma and suppressed emotions triggered the CRPS after your hip surgery?

1000%. Absolutely.

You do.

I had shoved down for years came out physically in my body.

Uh, yep. I think pain demands to be heard and it will come out some way somehow. And if it doesn't come out physically, it will come out in the way that we lead, in the way that we love. Um, how long ago was your hip surgery and you were diagnosed with CRPS?

It was just a little over a year ago. Um, last October of 2024. So I'm still very new. You are experienced at this, but I'm still very new in navigating this. Yeah.

Well, I didn't realize it was that only that long ago.

Wow.

So when you were diagnosed, like the pain just wasn't getting any, getting any better and you were diagnosed, what Were you, were at that moment, were you like in denial? Like, this can't be, or were you relieved? Because I've talked to some people who they get a diagnosis and they're like, oh, finally, you know, there's, there's an answer for me. Whereas for me, I was like, oh, hell no, this cannot be true. So I went to another doctor and another doctor and I was in denial for a long time. How did you handle it when you were diagnosed?

Um, I wasn't diagnosed for a long time. Um, everybody just kept, I kept going to doctor to doctor to doctor and nobody knew what was going on. And it kept, um, you know, one of my surgeons said, well, maybe we put you in your booties for too long during the surgery, you know, because they put you in the booties and put you in traction and maybe it caused some nerve damage. And I kept thinking, but you do this 20 times a day. I mean, I, it wasn't making any sense and the pain wasn't making any sense. Um, so I had gone to the pain doctor and he's the one that diagnosed me and that, yeah, I was like you. I was like, oh, hell no. Nope. So I ended up going to Dallas and then, um, another, um, orthopedic surgeon diagnosed me as well.

Yeah.

So the weekend that I went to your event.

What now?

The weekend that I went to your event last April. I had gone that morning to the neuro— to an orthopedic in Dallas.

Oh my goodness.

Wow.

So what did he tell you to do?

He was very honest and he just kept apologizing and saying, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Um, there, it's incurable. Um, the only thing I can recommend is a spinal cord stimulator, but I don't think that'll even work because, um, He didn't really go into it, but the pain is in my foot and it's so far from the spinal cord stimulator that it might not reach my foot.

That's a, it's really hard to get because mine, the worst of mine is in the right part of my foot is where it's even at the worst. And it's really hard to get the nerves that reach all the way there. That's exactly right.

Yeah.

So, For those of you that don't know what CRPS is, describe what CRPS is to you, Tiffany. What does it feel like and what is it?

Um, you know, and I've done all this research on my own because, you know, none of the doctors could really tell me, but it stands for chronic regional pain syndrome, which I think is such, is such, it's the dumbest word ever. I call it hell. I don't know.

Yeah.

But anyways, it is, um, you're, you're, it's like there's a fire in your body and their alarms are going off, but there's no fire anymore. So it's basically the central nervous system is what I have read is sending pain signals to the rest of your nerves saying that, hey, we have pain, we have pain, we have pain. And, um, it's really hard to shut off. And it doesn't ever shut off. I have pain every single day. And flare-ups and it's somewhat manageable now. And when I say manageable, I can get through about half of a day manageable. And then it just progressively gets worse into the evening through the night.

What are some of the treatments that you've done for complex regional pain syndrome?

I have done, uh, what was it called? The epidural. I've done the nerve block. Uh, thousands of—

Help you?

No, not for 30 seconds. No. Neither of those did. Uh, thousands of supplements. And I know that you and I have talked about that and I mean thousands. And I had gone to this holistic doctor who I spent quite a bit of money on. Um, all of these supplements and nothing helped. Um, I tried, I don't even know what it's called, but it's where you wear these goggles and then you put little vibration things on your ears and then you listen, put headphones on and you listen to things that's supposed to rewire your brain. So I did that every day for 30 days and it was very expensive, plus very time consuming. By the time I drove over there, did that for 30 minutes, drove back to work. Um, and it didn't help at all. I ended up going to the chiropractor and he had just got a new unit in. It's kind of like a TENS unit, but it's like a nerve regenerator.

Yeah.

So you put the pads on your feet and then your lower back, and then you sit on that thing for 30 minutes. And that was when I got a little bit of relief.

Uh-huh.

A little bit. And then I think I finally gave up. I just gave up. And I mean, I gave up on searching for anything. Number one, I had to replenish my cash flow because it's so very expensive. And number two, I had to quit chasing. I had to quit chasing the end of this because there was going to be no end. And I think that's when maybe my brain kind of settled down just a little bit. Like, okay, let's take a little while to revamp. Replenish our cash flow, chill out for a little bit and move on.

Well, thank you for sharing that. And you know what? I'd forgotten that I did the same thing with the pads that you put on your back and your leg. And it was, oh, and then I ended up buying a machine, which was thousands of dollars because I was driving 45 minutes away, 3 days a week to go do this treatment. I mean, I've flown out of the country for treatments. And, and I think you and I, but I did this for years. I mean, even up until just this year with my second spinal cord stimulator. And I'm to the point where I'm like, done. I'm done. Don't even tell me another thing to try because I'm done.

I mean, if I have to hear about one more, and you know, people call me all the time. Have you heard about this patch? There's this new patch out. The, the, yeah. And I'm just like, I can't.

Yeah.

I can't.

Oh, I have to tell you this. You're gonna, okay. I have somebody, bless their heart. They really were trying to help and they sent me some patches and she got, gets on the call. Actually, I met her at one of the events that you went, uh, with me to the Next Level event that I was speaking at and you and Christina went and somebody that I had met there and she sends me these patches and she's so sweet and she's talking me through and she's like, well, just put these patches on. Okay. Do you feel relief? And I'm like, not yet. Well, try moving them over now. Do you feel relief? And I'm like, I don't think you quite understand.

Yeah.

Well, so it's like, yes, I, you know, hard to explain. No, I feel like I spend half the time trying to explain it and half the time trying to pretend like I don't have it. So.

Me too.

Um, when we met and I'm like, We could talk and you're like, yeah, you get it. Like, uh, yep, I get it. So thank you for saving me and getting me out of there so I could go sit down for a little bit before my next event. And I didn't make it to that next event, by the way.

Yeah.

Um, but I think it's very interesting that you say that. Yeah, absolutely. You think that, uh, this came about because you were Pretty much running from pain, basically. That's what I did. I ran from pain and kept myself busy. What did your life look like before your hip surgery and before CRPS? You've lost both your parents. What did life look like then that you weren't maybe processing your feelings? And, and I always say we heal what we reveal. What did life look like when it was kind of chaotic for you?

Well, um, like, yeah, you said I lost my mom to suicide. This has been 18 years ago. And then a year and 5 days later, I lost my dad and they weren't married. They hadn't been married in years. So it was pretty close together. You know, um, my mom had left me and my brother and my sister notes and they had taken those into evidence. So we were still trying to get those notes out of evidence by the time Um, my dad took his life, which, and then both were just shocking. Um, just, I can't even explain the shock. And, you know, I had no frame of reference back then. I had no, um, support groups, no, nobody like I do on the loss team coming to the house saying, okay, here's all the resources we have. Here's how to write an obituary. We just had nothing, no frame of reference for anything. So I did the only thing I knew to do and I just shoved everything down. I had young kids. They were 4 and 6. You just keep going. Yeah.

How did they take it? Did they understand what had happened or how did you talk to them about it?

No. And I talk, I have almost half a chapter in my book about this. We did not ever mention the word suicide. That was a no-no in our house. My husband and I never talked about it. We never told them. I mean, and bless their hearts, they didn't know anything. They just knew mama was gone and we went to a funeral and Then Pawpaw was gone and we went to a funeral, but they knew nothing. And I think the only way I can describe why we didn't say anything, because number one, they were too young. And then we didn't even talk to them about it when they got older because I didn't want them to think that this was a way out when things got tough. I didn't want them to think that that was acceptable. And that's so wrong in thinking that because they're going to come up with their own story.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

I was, I was just going to ask you, do you, do you wish you would have handled things differently about talking with them?

Absolutely.

You do?

Absolutely. Oh yes, I do. Because they're going to create their own story. And so I think my son was about 15 years old and that was when Robin Williams took his life and it was all over the news. And he asked me, he was like, mom, Is that what Mama and Papa did? And I was like, how did you know?

Kids know.

And they know, they know. I mean, they hear us talk even when we think we're talking in private. They hear things. And so I so wish I would have said something. And, you know, it always needs to be age appropriate. And like I said, I talk about that in my book. You know, you don't have to go into the deep, dark details of everything, but just Age-appropriate words to let a child know because they're the, they're the hidden grievers of the family.

Yeah.

And you think they don't grieve and they do.

They do. And they know everything that's going on. They sense things. And sometimes you're like, how did you even know that? You know what I mean? What? They watch everything. And they also are watching how we handle situations.

Oh, absolutely. They're watching everything. And I'm telling you, I didn't handle things very well for about 18 years. You know, I did, but I didn't, you know, I just had no frame of reference.

Exactly. And I see the kind of mom you are and I've met your kids and you have the most amazing kids who love you so much. And so we do the best, you know, I made some awful mistakes. Let me tell you, both my kids remind me and my husband remind me of, and especially my oldest daughter, she loves to remind me of what kind of like how many times I messed up as a mom. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, but it only came with a manual.

I know.

Owner's manual.

Well, I feel like. The Rise Back is a manual for people who've experienced loss. And I'm actually passing your book on to my mom and my dad because I lost my stepmother from suicide. I still wear her ring every day. She too left notes and they were pretty— Pretty intense, the notes that she left. And, um, then as you know, my little brother, we just lost him. Gosh, I guess it's been about 3 months ago from suicide. And so my mom really needs the Rise Back book.

I really hope that you give that to her.

I don't feel like she's dealing. Sorry, Mom, with her little brother.

This is a whole different beast. It's not, it doesn't, you know, that grief doesn't come wrapped in a pretty little bow. It's very heavy. It's very shameful. Um, I know that I was so ashamed for how my parents took their life for so, so, so long. I was embarrassed. Um, and once I started talking about it, that's when I started healing because I thought, you know, I stayed silent for so long only because people don't know what to say and they don't know what to do. So they just don't do anything at all. So I thought, well, I better just not say anything either. Because nobody else was. So I thought, well, I just better not say anything and stay silent. And until it started affecting my health and I thought, no more, no more. I will shout it from the rooftop. I mean, the mental health issue right now, it's a crisis. It is an absolute crisis.

It really is. And the shocking thing is like with Robin Williams, even No one knew.

No one guessed.

Behind a smile. And so often it's your strong friends that you have no idea. They put on a brave face, they don't complain, and you have no idea that they're having these thoughts. And so with going through this, what is, well, first of all, I want to know, like, what was it That the first thing you started to do to heal, because you stuffed it down and stuffed it down. So many people do and they feel stuck and they're unhappy. What was it that set you on your healing journey?

You know, I had shoved it down so far that I made people think that I was okay for so many years. That's how far I've shoved everything down. Um, my healing started after my hip surgery when I was in such chronic pain. And this is a pain like I had never felt before. And, you know, when the, when the kids left the house, when they went to college and we started being empty nesters, you know, my husband was so excited. He's like, yes, we did it. They're out of the house. Well, I just started having this little feeling in my heart. I was like, oh, something hurts. It just hurts right there. And I thought, oh my gosh, that is grief coming to the surface. That is grief in years and years and years of shoving down trauma. And then my kids leaving, they, I didn't have them to entertain me.

And they, it was like a good distraction. You could put all your attention on them instead of you.

Yes. Yes. You know, and I'm not going to lie too, I did the drinking helped me just Numb myself. I mean, that's what I started doing, especially after the kids left the house. It just helped me numb myself. And then once I had that surgery, of course I quit drinking because the pain was so bad and the mask came off and all that was there was just little old me thinking, what hurts? Why does this hurt in here? I think my heart hurt more than my foot hurt. Well, I don't know, but that pain was Excruciating from CRPS. Like, I can't even tell you. I couldn't even think. I couldn't, I couldn't walk. I couldn't wear shoes. I couldn't do anything. And I looked at myself in the mirror one morning after vomiting from the pain. And I thought, I didn't even recognize myself. I didn't even know who I was anymore. And I remember just crying and crying and crying and crying and thinking, okay, we got to do something. You know, I've been blown off by every doctor. Nothing I've tried is working. And so I've just got to do something. So, um, I really started desensitizing my foot and to just so I could get shoes on, I would just wear house shoes that were like 3 sizes too big because I just could, I still can't wear socks, but I had to get a size shoe too big and start desensitizing my foot so I could wear a shoe to work. I didn't even want to go back to work. I didn't even know if I could go back to work. I think fear of the future was so real for me. Like, am I going to be able to work 8 to 5? I can't even think from 8 to 9 o'clock in the morning.

Yeah.

Um, so it was just little things and I started getting very, very intentional with my healing and what was going on with this hurting and my heart hurting. Um, I started journaling and pretty much journaled into writing a book. And I never before journaled in my life. I always thought it was for little girls with glitter pens and puff pens and Never, ever, ever, ever journaled. And it was life-changing. It was life-changing for me. And I journaled my way into a book. Yeah.

Writing book is cathartic. I remember you messaging me going, yeah, telling me how you were feeling like it's normal. It's totally normal. But keep going. It's normal. Just keep going.

Yep. Keep going. And, you know, I started walking. I couldn't walk from my front door to my mailbox and, and finally just walking just a little bit. And that's pretty much still all I can do. My hip surgery was unsuccessful. So I've still got to deal with that. And I've still got a lot of inflammation in my hip. Um, so I walk and I walk and I walk and I walk up to 5 miles a day now. And I at least get 10,000 steps. That is non-negotiable. It'll be 9 o'clock at night and I'll be like, oh, I need another 1,000. And I'll just walk, walk, walk, walk, walk, even if it's dark. But, um, you know, just the little things, walking, getting out in the sunshine. I always, I use my RISE UP method and my R is you need to reach out before you shut down. And I think that is so, so, so, so important. You know, because I even tried to hide my pain even from my husband. And I remember telling him, I'm like, I'm not okay. Like, I'm not okay. And he was just like, what? Well, I know you hurt, but what do you mean? And I'm like, I'm not okay. Nothing was okay. My soul was tired. My heart hurt. My foot hurt. So everything all at once came to the surface.

Well, you, it was like you could not bear the weight of everything anymore.

And I think those words.

Are powerful. I am not okay. Like to admit that.

Yeah.

It's almost like, I feel like there's a gift in desperation because it took you getting to that point.

Mm-hmm.

And we're gonna get to your Rise Up method.

Yeah.

Also. But I really feel like it took you getting to that point of, I am not okay. And that gift of desperation For you to even admit that to your husband. And did you go seek a therapist? Who did you reach out to? For somebody who is like struggling, like, well, I'm not okay, but I don't know who to reach out to. What would you suggest for them to do?

Uh, I would reach out to a safe friend, reach out to a spouse, reach out to a parent. Um, I didn't reach out to a therapist right away. Um, Only because I work with a lot of therapists and I am, you know, especially with the loss team and stuff. So I kind of, I like, I knew all this. I knew all this mental health, um, you know, CPR. I, I, in my mind, I knew every single thing to do. I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't put that into play with myself. So, um, yeah, I, I didn't right away seek a therapist. Yeah. Years ago I went to a therapist and it, didn't line itself out very well, so I never went back.

I think I've been to some that were not great, and I think you— and I remember finding one that was so good.

Yeah. And when you find a good one, you find a good one. Yeah.

Yeah. But you're lucky if insurance covers them. And this one wasn't covered by insurance. It was after my motorcycle accident and he was like $600 an hour.

Yeah.

Worth every penny, I'm sure. But I was like, Yeah.

Well, yeah, I got some point you have to replenish your cash flow.

Yeah.

I was like, my insurance, I think, pays for like 6 sessions and that's it.

And it's like, oh, well, are there things that people can do to reach out for support if they can't afford a therapist?

Oh, absolutely. Um, you can look in your area. And so, uh, and, and I'm assuming that you're meaning if they, if they have a suicide loss, um, If you can look up and see if you have a LOSS team in your area, which is, um, L-O-S-S, and that stands for Local Outreach to Suicide Survivors. And they, you can go on losteam.com and see if there's one in your area. And they have so many resources and they'll find you resources in your area, whether it's a support group. And I think that's what saved me is it's a peer-led support group. So it's peer-led by someone who's lost someone to suicide like me. It's not led by a therapist. It's—

that's great.

Yeah. And it is people in there that have been there. They have done that. It is the most amazing thing that you will ever sit it through. People just like me that have been there, that have done that. And you feel like you're part of a community. That is incredible. So support groups, if you don't have one in your area, start one, go find, figure out where your public library is. See if you can borrow their room and start one. Plaster signs everywhere that you're going to start a support group, start one online. I think that was the greatest thing for me is finding people that have been through a loss themselves and kind of like you with CRPS that you get it, you understand it. We don't have to explain it to each other.

Yeah. We can just look at each other's eyes.

Oh my gosh.

And go, okay, I know what's going on right now.

Yeah. Yeah. And often the same way he can look at my eyes and he'd be like, okay, you don't feel good, do you? I'm like, mm-hmm. Yep.

Yeah. Yep. Your eyes are the window to your soul.

Wow.

I like that too. Try to hide it. It's like, it's there. It shows. It's subtle. Would you say community has been a big part of your healing journey?

Huge part. Huge, huge part.

Yes.

Yeah. Me becoming a part of the loss team. Um, and just, you know, I finally felt accepted and finally felt like, okay, so this is normal that I feel this way. Because, you know, I was around people that had lost someone too.

Yeah. Yeah. And then how has faith played a part in your healing journey?

Yes. You know, I think that God positioned every single tragedy in my life. For me to heal and to walk beside others. But I didn't realize that for a long time, for a long, long time. I think we, I, for a long time I thought, God, did you forget about me? You know? Um, wow.

God doesn't waste pain.

Oh my gosh. No. And when I came to the realization that he has used every tragedy to set me up to heal. And walk with others. I, wow. Wow.

Yeah. I always think, you know, what happens next? Well, we heal, we grow, and then we go help others.

That's exactly right. Yeah, exactly right. That's why I always want people to share their story. You never know if you could be somebody's lifeline.

Uh, that's, uh, and I feel like this book is going to help so many people who feel A little lost right now. Um, what do you think some misconceptions people have about grief or suicide loss that you hope the book helps to break? Hmm.

I think the misconceptions of, um, you know, there's a lot of suicide myths. Um, a lot of people, and I'm probably going to go back to actual suicide, like a lot of people think if somebody talks about it, then They're not going to do it and they're just talking about it and they're never ever going to take steps to do it. And that is so, so, so false. If somebody cries out that they are going to do this, you take them very, very seriously and take steps to— I always call it the 2-step method. Number one, are you okay? And number 2, do you know that if you're not okay that you can talk to me? Because that second one is so very important to let somebody know. You can talk to me without judgment, without any shame. I will never, it will never go further than here, you know, instead of just, are you okay? Because your typical answer is going to be, yes, I'm fine.

You're, you're so right. You're so right. I think so often people just need to know that someone is there for, for us. But I know for me, like looking back. With my stepmom, I can see like there was a time when she took too much medication. It was a mistake. But looking back, I'm like, hmm, was that a mistake or was she trying to do it back then? You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Um, but she never complained. She smiled. She didn't ever go too deep. Everything was kind of surface level. And that's what I had a lot of guilt, um, as a daughter thinking, if I could have just done more, if I would have called more, if, you know, I just wasn't there for her. Did you ever have guilt?

Oh gosh. The what-ifs, the whys. What if I'd have gone over there a little bit sooner? What if I would have called? What if the The what-ifs and the whys will eat you alive. And the thing is, we don't ever have a crystal ball to what anybody is going to do. And I mean, that's the beauty of it. What if we did have a crystal ball and we knew all these things? No, we can only do what we can do when we know what, that we need to do it. You know, my mother took pills as well. And I think all the pills from her hip surgeries and back surgeries and Every, you know, they, they lined her up with an arsenal of pills and that was back when hydrocodones were coming out. Oxycodones were coming out. Uh, Xanax was huge. And I think that it rewired her brain to think I'm a burden and I shouldn't be here anymore. Yeah. And it just really is just rewire your brain, uh, as, uh, you know, and, and the government didn't regulate them back then. Boy, she had a standing prescription at the pharmacy. If she ran out in 3 days, you're going to get another Full bottle, you know, now the government regulates it to, you can take, you know, only the certain amount that you're supposed to take. But back then she was free.

Well, now they've really come down. I remember when I had my accident 15 years ago, I came home from the hospital with 11 prescription medications. They were refilling my, I had like Oxy and Lyrica and all these other things. They were refilling it. I mean, This is, I could have been a drug dealer. I was like, I didn't want to take anything. I had a nurse yelling at me because she was changing the bandages on my leg. And she goes, have you taken your medication? And I was like, I had tears running down my face. And I was like, no. She's like, why? Because I didn't want to take medication. But if you take medication the right way, it can help you to heal.

That's exactly right. But yeah, they, they real right away and you take it as prescribed. And, you know, I think people have such a fear of being addicted. And, you know, later on in my book, I talk about this, about like really, um, coming to terms with what my mother went through because here I am in chronic pain and I'm being handed pills right and left. You know, I was pretty much overdosed by my pain doctor and I lost consciousness and I wake up and I thought, what in the world happened? I mean, I just was on the floor. And I thought, okay, this is it. Like, I can't do this. I will go down the same path as my mother went down. And it really gave me a new appreciation for her because, oh, I was so angry at her for so many years. And I finally got to release that anger because I thought, now I know she was just doing what the doctors told her. And I mean, how many times do we do what the doctors tell us? We trust them.

Mm-hmm.

We absolutely trust them. And then we get in too deep. And so, yeah, talk about coming full circle to what my mother went through. And I thought, I can't do this. I cannot do this. I could end up in the same position as her. And that was an eye-opener.

That is eye-opening for sure.

Yeah.

I think you really, really, really, and I should probably talk about this more about how you I feel you really have to be your own advocate. But, you know, when I moved to Texas from California, I had to find all new doctors. And I remember going into my pain specialist and he was just standing there saying, oh, let's give her this, this, this, this, and this. And I'm like, um, excuse me, what is that you're trying to give me?

Yeah.

Uh, he's like, well, I said, oh, is that generic for Cymbalta?

Yeah.

And he's like, well, yeah, how'd you know? I said, because I can't take that. And he goes, well, what do you mean? He goes, well, you know, doctors like, uh, and, and a lot of psychiatrists use this for depression, but doctors like us use it because it helps with pain. And I'm like, I know what you use it for and I'm not taking it.

No.

You know, and I, and I told him, I said, I am probably your worst nightmare of a patient because I will question everything. I will like try to think outside the box, but I really believe you have to be your own advocate.

You do, because only everybody's medication hits everybody different. It does. I mean, I can take Cymbalta and then you can take it and we'll have 2 totally different reactions to it.

You're exactly right.

It depends on body chemistry and hormone levels and every kind of level and Cellular level and it can hit people different. So what's good for one cannot be good for all.

I remember there was one time I had a, um, an ankle surgery and it was, it was intense. And, um, they had a wire that went in the side of my leg and I wore like a fanny pack that was supposed to block So the pain like numb my leg completely, so I couldn't walk or anything, but it was going to numb my leg for a few days in order to try to not flare up the CRPS. Well, I look down and I can see the solution running out of my leg instead of into my leg. And I, and the pain started getting more and more and more. And in the middle of the night, I was like, I was crying. I, it was so bad. I called the emergency hotline number. And I'm like, what do I do? I can't, the pain is so bad. Like I, I needed to like bite on a stick or something or a towel, like, yeah, I don't know. And he said, well, take your pain meds. Just don't overdose.

Oh, great idea. That is a great idea.

Seriously, that was like, uh, if you were telling me that for the shock effect of it, like, no. That, that was shocking, but it's like, man, you can't mess around. Life can— life is, is not— I mean, I always thought, you know, especially when I was younger, oh, I'm invincible. I can do this and that. I'm like, you know what? We're pretty fragile actually.

Oh, I spent years thinking I was so strong, so tough.

Well, you know what?

If I cry at the drop of a hat, this pain thing. I swear I throw up and I'm like, I need to throw up.

Oh, maybe I'll feel better if I throw up.

I know.

It's so bad.

You talk about making me drop to my knees. Mm-hmm. Very quick. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Pain's been my biggest teacher. Yeah. Actually, I didn't tell you this, Tiffany, but that day of that conference, as I was waiting, you know, I was waiting for my Uber. Um, I got sick. I went to that, I was sick and I went to the store and bought a water bottle and got a plastic bag just in case I had to throw up in the Uber. Like, but that's the thing I was planning. Like, okay, I have my electrolytes with me. Yeah. I've got my little protein bar with me. Whatever I can stomach down, I'm grabbing the water. I got the plastic bag. Just get me home.

Mm-hmm.

You know, but I've just learned.

Yeah.

And, and you know, you said something, Tiffany, you said, I used to think I was so strong.

Yeah.

Actually, I, you are strong because I know the pain that you go through. You are strong and girl, you have got some grit. You have got some grit.

Thank you.

I mean, number one, to get through all that you get through, um, not just physically, But the grief that you've gone through from losing both parents, but also to write a book. 81% of people want to write a book. 1% actually do it. And it was hard. There were moments that you shared that you had never talked about or written about. And it's emotionally and spiritually vulnerable.

Uh, being vulnerable. I remember going to bed every night thinking, nope, I'm calling the publisher. We're not doing this. I'm calling them in the morning. And then I'd wake up in the morning. Yeah. And then I'd wake up in the morning and I'm telling you, I'd have a fire in my soul. Like, I've got to get this out. And it was just a cycle. Every night I'd be like, nope, not doing it. Every morning I'd wake up and say, yeah, come on, we're doing it.

That's all.

And with you, you are like, yes, you're doing it.

Oh, and look, we have our matching necklaces. I know. Oh, we're unstoppable. Well, okay. Okay. I could get, I get easily sidetracked with you because I love you so much. I could just talk about everything with you. But I want to talk about, first of all, can you go through, you have this acronym and I am a sucker for acronyms. I love acronyms because they're easy to remember. Um, can you talk us through your RISE UP acronym?

Absolutely. And these are itty, itty, itty, itty bitty steps that anybody can take if they are in pain. If they're grieving, if they are having some kind of identity crisis. And I'm talking itty bitty because I remember people were giving me like, breathe, do breathing, go do this, go do that. And I'm like, wait, I can't even, I got to do some little things. So it's called my Rise Up Method. And the R is reach out before you shut down. I think I talked a little bit about that, which is so, so, so important. Reach out to somebody safe, a friend, a family member, a pastor, um, a teacher, anything. And then the I is ink it out. And I've talked about this too. You're going to journal and we got to ink it out because your thoughts have to have somewhere to go besides your body, because I promise you, your body will somehow feel it and it will scream and it will say no more. And the S is sit with it. Sit with it. And I think that this was the absolute hardest for me, you know, whenever I kind of stopped drinking and the pain hit and All of this and I feel the mask off and sat with myself. That is a lonely, lonely place to be, but it was so necessary for my transformation. Um, the E is embrace who you're becoming because you're not going to be who you used to be. Not after a suicide loss, not after a chronic pain.

Pain.

You know, diagnosis that is going to absolutely change your life. So you're not going to be who you used to be, and you are actually going to be better and stronger. You have to— the U is unlearn the lies. I don't know how many lies, and we talked about this too, that your brain tells you after a suicide loss, you know, what if I'd have done this? Well, you weren't enough. You didn't do enough. Um, yeah, the lies are just brutal, brutal. And the P is protect your peace. And I'm so, so, so, so big into this. Like, not everybody deserves access to your healing. I had to cut a lot of things off and a lot of people off and start healing. And not everybody has to have access to that. You have to protect your peace and your energy.

That's so good. And I love that because not everybody has Gets to have access to you because I think too, when you're going through something like you're, you are dealing with so much pain.

Yeah.

And life is heavy. Work stuff is like, things are piling up and piling up and piling up. And you've got people pulling at you and pulling at you and pulling at you. You can only take so much. And then it becomes very evident what you need to cut out, who you need to cut out. Like, because you're exactly right. Energy is everything and everything is energy. And when it takes every ounce of energy that you have every day just to get through the day living with so much pain, you don't, you start, I don't know, do you? For me, I notice the people who are energy vampires in my life. That I'm like, oh, I can't be around that person.

Yes. Yes.

Do you?

And I'd never noticed it before, ever, ever, ever until I started healing. And because I was such a people pleaser and I was just such a, yes, I'll do that. Yes. Let me do that. Yes, I will absolutely do that. Give me 2 seconds. I'll be right there. I will do that. I was such a people pleaser and I don't know where that came from. I don't, I have no idea, but. Now I'm like, no, I'm so sorry. I can't. I can't.

Oh, well, I think it's valuable, you know, to not have to say I'm sorry, but just know that's not possible.

Yeah.

No, that's no, no, not going to happen.

And I think we don't realize that until we're older, you know, when we're younger and we're raising kids and stuff, we just are just a yes, yes. Of course. Yes, I'll do that. And just utter chaos. Complete chaos.

I don't know. I feel like you might be like this as a mom too. I see like your, how much you do for your kids and how much you love being a mama. And like, there are times where I catch myself doing things and I'm like, wait a minute, Amberly, what are you doing? Like, I just, you just had surgery. What are you doing making a surprise snack for Ruby, she needs to be making a surprise snack for me. You know what I mean? Like, or I'm saying yes, or I'm doing this, or I'm doing that. And it's like, I don't know. Whoa, wait a minute. Stop. Pause. There's power in the pause. And I love your tattoos. I've thought about getting a pause button tattoo on my arm to remind me to push that pause button and pause.

That's a good one because you are a go-getter too. You are.

Well, I am just so excited about your book. I feel honored that I got to read it.

Me too. Thank you.

One of the first people to get to read it because, um, I got to run the foreword in it and it just really, everything that you write, the person you are, the person that you are, have become, are becoming, because I feel like this is just the beginning. I mean, you're a bestselling author. You're You're speaking on stage at the Unstoppable Success Summit, April 30th. April 30th, y'all come see Tiffany rock the stage. Are you ready for that?

I'm ready. I'm already starting my speech.

Oh, I love it. I love it. You know what?

I was just going to say one thing about the book. You know, if somebody thinks that it's just for Suicide Boss, it is not. It is for any kind of loss, any kind of grief. Um, you know, it does mainly touch on suicide, but any kind of grief, you can take the steps in there and, um, you know, just help get through any kind of grief. It's just, I'd hope it gets out to the whole world.

Well, I do too. I feel like it's a ripple effect because so many of us are touched in some way or another by suicide, but For sure too. I love that you have places to write in your book, and I also love that you have big quotes. Well, you can't see. Oh, there we go.

There we go.

I, that's actually, do you know, I wanted to do that in my book and then it got to the deadline and I was like, oh, we don't have time to do that. So I love that you have this in your book, and I know that this is going to be something that will be, will touch people for years and years and years to come. You've definitely, you're, you're helping so many people and advocating for so many people and now sharing your message from stages and through magazines and, you know, your bestselling book. So what's next for you?

Oh gosh, this is just the beginning. Like you said, this is just the beginning of speaking on stages. Um, Just helping people. I think that I just want to be the person that I needed so many years ago. Um, you know, from our darkest moments, our transformation comes, and I just want people to know that and help, help spread that and speak it all over the world.

I love that. And you have one quote in your book, healing involves discomfort, but so does refusing to heal. Over time, refusing to heal is always more painful. And it reminds me of, you know, there's a saying, when you do the easy thing first, life gets harder. When you do the hard thing first, life gets easier. And I feel like you are to a place now where you are just on your way. Life is, um, you're so much in alignment with your calling and in flow for what you're doing and just share so much love and goodness. And so thank you for writing The Rise Back.

Thank you.

book. Where is the best place for people to connect with you for coaching, for speaking inquiries, to get your book and all the things?

You can go to my website, which is risesavage.com, or you can find me on Instagram. And remember, my name has a weird E in it. T-I-F-F-A-N-E-Y.

That's a special thing.

It is special.

I guess it's special. A bonus E.

A bonus E. And you can find me on Instagram and Facebook, and I would love to connect with anyone.

Well, you know what? I think that we should— y'all take a screenshot, whether you're listening to this on Spotify, Apple, watching it on YouTube, take a screenshot and tag me @AmberlyLagoMotivation and Tiffany @TiffanyChilders. And I love when I see that. that you're listening, and I always like your input as well. So you can DM me or email me, ever. All that information is right there in the show notes, and let me know what, who you want to hear on the show next, what topics you want to hear, and maybe what was your takeaway from today's show with Tiffany. So thank you again, Tiffany, for being on the show. Thank you for this book. You're amazing.

It was an honor. Thank you so much.

And thank y'all for tuning in. Um, I really appreciate you being here. I mean, it's because of you, you've made this show a top 1% podcast. So thank you for being here and we will see you next week.