From Stuck to Unstoppable with Stephen Scoggins

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert and bestselling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace. Hey there. Welcome back to the True Grit and Grace podcast. I'm Amberly Lago. And today I have one of the most amazing human beings on the planet. Seriously, we met and have become really good friends. And I'm so excited that you're here. I have Stephen Scoggins. He's an award-winning, successful, multimillion-dollar serial entrepreneur of 7 businesses ranging from construction, thought leadership, and real estate. I think you're most notably recognized because you went from being homeless to being this successful entrepreneur. He's got a new event coming out, which I'm so grateful to be a part of called Transform U. And it's really to help people from all walks of life level up and catapult forward. He's now currently dedicated to the relentless pursuit of giving others the same gift of freedom he received by offering practical and empowering education to those looking for a second chance to make their dreams a reality. Stephen, you are really the definition of grit and grace because everything you do, you work so hard.

Thank you.

And you give such grace to others with just your kindness. And I'm so grateful to have you here. I love you. And I'm so honored that you're on the show. So welcome to the show. I've been excited to talk with you.

I have been waiting to hang out with you for so long. I love you so much. You guys are, you're amazing. You know, we've connected, I don't know, 5 or 6 different ways now because we've been staying connected. But no, I'm excited to hopefully add some value here and to share some insights. I have had a tumultuous life as as many of us, of the listeners have, including your story, my story. And at the end of the day, if you're going to get somewhere, you're going to have to go through some hard stuff. So let's break it down.

Yeah. You know, I'm so grateful that our friend Bo introduced us. And the first time I got to talk to you in person, it was instant connection. And I was thinking about, you know, just being able to talk to you today. When I was going to bed last night, I was thinking, you know, there's something about every person that I've met that has been through some true hardships. and they reach a level of success like you have, you still have this kindness and this humble heart. And you're such, you know, you're a leader, a servant leader. And it shows in everything you do. But I would love to know a little bit about how do you go like from being homeless? First of all, how did you become homeless? Because Right now in California, it's crazy. The homelessness here, there, I've never seen it like this. And I always wonder when I look sometimes at someone that's homeless on the street, like how'd they end up homeless? How does that happen? So how did that happen for you?

Yeah. I think like anything in life, essentially my homelessness started in my head. You know, I was going through a pretty tough time. You know, it's interesting. I grew up in a pretty broken home off and on. Even was forced at 9 years old to kind of step up and be the head of the house when my grandmother got diagnosed with cancer. And if you think about a 9-year-old, they normally don't have the mental acuity to, you know, they barely are tying their shoes or watching cartoons. They're not, you know, they're not spending a lot of time thinking about adult decisions, you know. And she trained me how to basically make any kind of meal with boiling hot water and, you know, basically macaroni and hot dogs and pretty much anything, cereal. and to help take care of my little brother who was 3 years younger than I was. And, you know, she passed away when I was about 11. I went immediately to go start in the construction field with my father. He kind of came back into my life at that stage in the game and, you know, started a kind of a trajectory of working or going to school. No in-betweens.

Hmm.

Right? Working and going to school was kind of like the flagship of my life at the time. And, you know, lo and behold, my dad was never super emotionally or relationally competent with income or money specifically. He was an incredibly hard worker. We get up with dust till dawn, right? He struggled with alcoholism for a good number of years before he kind of got himself together, which I'm proud of him for. He's been sober now for well over 30 years. Super proud of him.

Wow.

Yeah, super proud of him. Because, you know, it's a hard journey, you know, to kind of come back from that. And I'm super proud of him for that, you know. And that kind of shook up and shook out, you know, he had a successful business, then he unfortunately lost everything with, you know, during the late '90s, right after Desert Storm and stuff like that. We lost our house, escorted off our property by the sheriff's department. Lost the vehicles.

And how old were you then when you—

Gosh, I think I was 15 or 16 years old at the time.

Oh, and that had to be devastating to have the sheriffs come and escort you off the property.

I mean, yeah, I mean, it was— I know it was devastating for the people that were there at the time. We couldn't even have access to the house without a sheriff's deputy or somebody being, being present to go in and get your, you know, whatever leftover belongings you have. And unfortunately, my father You know, as hard as he was working, we were— we kind of moved in with his parents or my grandparents nearby. And then my first mentor, a guy by the name of Steve Meyer, came into my life, who was my dad's employer, and he began to train me and teach me about all kinds of things from flipping real estate and all kinds of different things. And most of it went, at least early on, I thought it went in one ear and out the other.

Mm-hmm.

Only to realize it went in one ear, one ear, and then stuck on the side and just kind of hung there for a little bit. You know, So he gave me a second chance.

So you learned about mentors at an early age, as did I. And I had no idea that my mentor when I was 13 and learning how to become a dance instructor, she taught me the business side of things. And that has carried. She just messaged me on Instagram yesterday. And I was like, you really changed my life because thank goodness you had this role model for you in your life that was telling you that these things. And they look at what you do now with them.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

You were only 15.

I was about 15 or 16. It was kind of in the— it was— I know, I remember it was hot. And it's kind of the summertime when all of it kind of shook out and shook down. But you know, when I met Steve Myrick, he asked me one question around that age, right after the foreclosures and all that stuff happened. He said, Stephen, what's the difference between a rich man and a poor man? And at my age and my kind of understanding as, well, duh, money. He's like, absolutely not. It's the way they think.

Wow.

And then he asked me a follow-up question that I think ultimately set me on a course to ultimately change my life. He said, do you want to think like me or do you want to think like your daddy?

Wow.

Yeah, talk about it. Talk about a knife right in the heart. And he loved my father. He was like a father figure to my father. But I think he saw early on that if I, if I continue the trajectory in which I was on, that I would one day be in the same place that my father was, just as all the generations leading up to my father had been. In fact, I'll never forget this. My father told me one time, he said, Scoggins don't get ahead. They get by. Wow.

Talk about that soundtrack in your head that was like, okay, it's okay. I just got to get by. I just got to get by. And why not think about more? Why not you be the person to say, no, I want more. I want to break this cycle. So I totally get that because I grew up in the same kind of household. Like when you're describing how you grew up, it might be a little bit different, but it was very similar.

Yeah.

Wow. So what did you start to do to change your thoughts and your, and your mindset around getting that out of your head and replacing it with something more positive?

Well, I think, you know, I wish I could say that at that moment, everything changed. It changed in my heart. But it took a while for the, for the things in my heart to go to my head and into my hands kind of, kind of thing.

Yeah.

And, you know, by the time I was a junior in high school, we had been moved into a trailer park. Unfortunately, the trailer we had wasn't very nice. It was full of insects and kind of beat down and kind of old. And our water and our power and everything, all the utilities were getting shut off on a kind of a consistent basis. I kind of got to the place I had like, enough's enough kind of thing. So I dropped out of high school, went to go work for Steve, uh, doing basically construction-related activities. He actually put me in business for myself doing essentially siding work, which is kind of what my flagship does. And you would think that, okay, I'm 19 years old at the time, I've got everything in front of me, my mentor is now believing in me, he's now given me everything that I need to succeed. So what happened? Within a year of— year's time, I made all this money. because he was paying me very well. And within a year and a half, I had lost every penny of it to the point of being so desperate and so brokenhearted that I actually walked off his job and then found myself later homeless. And I stayed in that homeless state for about 90 days to 120 days, largely because I didn't want to admit because of my ego and my pride and my arrogance that I had fallen so far. Because when I was making all the money, I was like, you know, to all the people I went to school with and all the family members who said I couldn't do it and all the family members that believe Scoggins don't get ahead, they get by. I'm like, No, oh, watch me, I got it, I got it kind of thing, you know?

Yeah.

And I got myself lost in that place. And, you know, when you look at the homeless population as a whole, they're really— there are really 2 groups of people. There are people who have life events and experiences that have led them to basically lose all hope. So the one thing that you typically find in common with people that are homeless is they're just looking to exist because of the essence of hopelessness that's kind of been shaped in their heart. The second group is actually going to be people who actually enjoy the community of what a homeless encampment. So when you first become homeless, it's all about poor, poor pitiful me in many respects. I lost hope. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. I don't— none of that stuff. No identity, no authenticity, none of the stuff that makes a person who they are. And then over, over time, you translate yourself into a place of Okay, this is now my tribe and my community, which means you're now taking on somebody else's identity.

Oh, wow.

So I found myself kind of in that, that, that zone, all the way to the point of a divine encounter that kind of led me from not taking my life, had a divine encounter that gave me a second chance. Steve Meyer gave me a second chance. I built my first business, literally by taking stuff out of the trash pile, scaffolding and all this kind of stuff to put it together. And that business later became a business that's basically in 3 states employing several hundred team members. as a whole and became the flagship of the 7 companies in totality. So a lot of it came down to mindset.

Wow. Yeah. But how do, how did you, did it just take some radical acceptance and like willingness to go ask for help?

Yeah.

Or how did you go, okay, I know I'm meant for more. I want to do more with my life. What was that first step that you took to get out of that?

I think the first thing that happened in my mind, I was talking to a good friend of mine, Steve Cartalese, recently. And when I was talking to him, I mentioned he kept trying to pressure me, like push me. What was the first trek? What was the first thing? What was the first thing? And I remember sleeping in a borrowed friend's car. It was a white Chevy Beretta, red interior, leaky sunroof. And I remember it being in the car in the backseat and waking up and thinking this: if I'm gonna go down, why don't I at least go down fighting? Hmm. That was the first little mental shift that I had that eventually led me to essentially through a divine set of encounters, if you will. I found God there. I found my, my relationship to the universe there, so to speak. I found my heart there. I have been what I refer to as crushed on multiple occasions, and I'm a firm believer that the crushing is not meant to take you out. The crushing is meant to burn out impurities.

Hmm.

Things that, you know, I—

the—

you mentioned earlier trying to be in a constant state of humble confidence, and that only comes from being crushed, knowing that at any moment all the things that you tied your identity to can actually be pulled away from you. So therefore, don't tie your identity to things that can be pulled away from you. And I think that was the first step.

Yeah, that's beautiful. And I think, you know, you just posted on Instagram something that really touched my heart, speaking about identity. And you said your identity is who you are from the inside out, not what other people see on the outside. So I'd love to ask you, who are you? Who is Stephen Scoggins?

Stephen Scoggins is a servant first. He's a servant first. Stephen Scoggins knows his destiny is designed in creating one simple purpose leading to one simple legacy. So the way I would say it is the greatest purpose in life you'll ever have is serving the person you used to be. What— in order to serve that person, you have to become more than you are now. Which is where the word transformation breakthrough comes from, which is where frameworks are needed and processes are needed and ideas are needed. You know, one idea can totally shape or change your life. And if you do that consistently, you will discover yet another massive concept, which is principles govern promises. What I mean by that is every principle that you use to guide your life, whether you're using your subconscious mind to do it or your conscious mind to do it is going to govern the promises that you receive as a result of it. So Steve, for example, tried to teach me that the financial principles that I was using, the mentality, if you will, how I was conducting myself, how I was handling money, was going to lead me towards emptiness and brokenness.

Mm-hmm.

And which it did. He then said, well, if you want to change that, then all you need is the principles that guide your behaviors. So, principles govern promises. Every single principle that you live by actually delivers a very specific promise. You want to have fruitful, amazing relationships? Then great. You need to treat your spouse and your partner like they matter on a consistent basis.

Mm-hmm.

You need to make sure you've got great standards in place to make sure you're not actually getting beat up or mistreated along the process. You need to know what you stand for, what you stand against. All of those types of things end up shaping a better version of yourself. Because one of the things that I learned most from Susan Batts, who talked me off the bridge, aka Mama Wama, and Steve Myrick specifically, is that the greatest legacy we'll ever have in our life is the one that outlives us. You and I both have the, have the distinct pleasure and honor of being able to step foot on a stage and share our heart, share our experiences, share what we've learned along the way on a regular basis. Steve Meyer was not famous. Susan Batts was not famous. But people now hear their names like they're going out of style. They created a legacy through me that outlived them. And my goal is to transform billions of lives, much like our friend David Meltzer wants to do. And hopefully, we'll one day join forces with everybody and just create this massive movement. But at the end of the day, purpose is intentional. It's very intentional finding it, discovering it, desiring it. But you only find it if you're actually walking in it. One of the things that I would actually share, and I would say that purpose, when it comes down to it, is done intentionally. And those that operate in purpose or walk in purpose always find purpose. It's not we find purpose and then we walk in it. We walk in it to discover it.

Well, what are some of those principles that you had to really identify or even change, maybe some principles? That you had specifically about money and your relationship to money. Because I know a lot of people have a different relationship. Everybody has a different relationship to money. My husband has a different relationship with money and how he handles it and how he saves and spends than I do. And sometimes I think, oh gosh, is this because I grew up with not much money? And, you know, I've really focused on shifting my money to a mindset of abundance and not feeling like I have to hang on to every penny because I never know when it's going to leave me. Or, you know. So what are some of the principles that you have in place that allow you to continue to grow from, you know, last time I talked to you, you had 6 businesses. Now you've got 7 businesses. And I have so many questions for you about that. But I do want to talk about what are some of those principles?

Yeah. So principle number 1 is that I don't spend a day if it's going to cause me pain in the future. I don't spend a day if it's going to cause me pain in the future. I'm— take COVID, for example. Okay? COVID has been very difficult for the entire world. First time it's ever happened that some kind of downfall has affected the entire world. Okay? Here in the United States, right? Huge majority of people lost their jobs, lost access to income. In some cases, yes, they had stimulus and some other things that they could draw on, but that stuff's not permanent. as a rule of thumb. So, what was different? Why was I technically in an area of preparation so that the effects of COVID were limited? It goes all the way back to Steve Myrick teaching me a long time ago that while everybody else is running with the bull, you've heard the term, the bull market, the bull market, the bull market. He said, you also have to understand that it's always being followed by the bear. So, if the bull market is the everybody's making money, go buy whatever you want, go leverage yourself, go do all this kind of stuff, Then what someone who understands a bear market is going to come is going to be basically using a set of ratios. So I use ratios in my own life. I currently only live on 30% of my income. My ultimate goal is to live on 10% and give away 90%. That's— I've still got a ways to go, but that's my ultimate goal. But it started with 20%. I had to live on 20% and then put 80% of my income towards debt and put 80% towards my income towards investing and put 80% Like, it was, it was more of how do I, how can I make the future me grateful for my, for the current me? How can I make my, how can I, how can I set that guy up?

Right.

The house that I live in, the businesses that I own, all of them are debt-free. All of that took a lot of work. The payoff itself came years after, not the immediate. Unfortunately, the American culture as a whole spends far too much time on right now. Basically, buy it now, pay for it later, buy it now, pay for it later. Oh, by the way, you need this thing to feel secure. Oh, by the way, you need this thing to feel valued. Oh, by the way, you need this thing to have a relationship. All that stuff takes your eye off the prize and off the focus.

Mm-hmm.

So, you need to understand that financial stuff is never as good as you think it is, and it's never as bad as you think it is. And with a strategy and using a portion control, so to speak, You can win and win big. So, when COVID happened, I was able to have a nest egg of cash that I was able to go to my team of my larger companies and say, hey guys, I know you're scared. I know the governor just announced we have— we're shutting the state down. I know you guys are worried about that. Here's the thing. You don't have to be in fear. We have a couple of months to figure stuff out and see what shakes out and kind of— because we have cash. We have capital.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not gonna fire you just out of fear. Right? Far too many times, the biggest financial mistake that people make is out of insecurities or out of fear. Either I don't feel valuable enough unless I buy or acquire, or I'm terrified, so I'm gonna sell off everything. So, what happened? The vast majority of the people got insecure and they got scared and they sold and they sold and they sold. And you saw, or you stopped buying altogether. Okay. Well, okay. So, someone who's been preparing for the bear the entire time says, oh, great. Hey, Apple's on sale. Hmm. Hotels are on sale. Disney's on sale. Real estate's on sale. I think I can help that business out, business owner out by helping maybe own a little stake in their company, but also be able to allow them to function because I believe in what they're doing.

Mm-hmm.

I wouldn't have been able to do that without the principle of always preparing now for the future. So I think those are some of the key principles I use in the realm of finance anyway.

Yeah, that's so awesome. You know, it was interesting. I just went to the grocery store yesterday, and it was a store I don't usually shop at much. And it— you would have thought it was Christmas. It was. I asked the lady at the checkout, I was like, gosh, I haven't been here in a while. But what is going on? Is it always this Mm-hmm. She said, no, you know, I think people are starting to get out more because the world, you know, everything's starting to open up a little bit more. So people are suddenly shopping. And I was like, wow, it goes exactly with what you're describing with the bear principle, the bull principle. Like everybody's like, oh, okay, things are opening up. I'm going to go shop. You know? And so that really makes sense.

I mean, if you think about it, like there's some stuff that's upcoming that people aren't paying attention to right now. I was invited to speak at a conference called Infinity X recently. And one of the things that shook out was, okay, well, what are you guys doing with the, with the inflation? Because I'm dealing with inflation quite a bit in the construction industry. Alright, so my businesses—

Oh, I'm sure that has to be crazy.

Right? Metal, PVC, asphalt products, fuel products, right? All of that stuff has gone through the roof. So we're talking 30% under a week.

Wow. Okay. That's crazy. I didn't even think of that. Yeah, fuel is crazy. All of it. Yeah.

Yeah. So, as you're going through that, one of the things that would be easy to say is what you're seeing out in the marketplace is the messages. It's because the economy is opening up. It's because it's getting so— it's going to get better. You know, everything's going to stabilize and reprice itself and all this kind of stuff. What people aren't thinking about, for example, is the housing inventory. When the housing is good, The economy is good. Okay. So now in like the East Coast where I'm at in North Carolina, for example, we are starting to see exorbitant house prices raise. All right, California is already kind of known for having high cost per square foot.

Oh, can I just tell you, and I don't understand this. So, so many people are moving out of California. I mean, we've thought about moving back to Texas or Florida to be with family. And there's a house down the street from us, like people are moving out. This house sold in 2 days. They got in a bidding war that sold for $200,000 over the asking price. And I'm thinking, if— is that crazy?

It is crazy.

I have another friend that's looking for a house, actually 2 of my friends, one of my best friends, they're looking for a house. And they said, they can't even make a bid before it's gone. There's bidding wars, people are paying way over, and I don't understand it. Yeah, so many people are moving out of California, how the housing rate is just going through the roof.

Well, part of that is because the replacement value to build a new construction home would actually be more than the house that someone's actually buying or trying to acquire.

Oh, that makes sense.

That's part of it. The second part of that is people are not paying attention. Here's what I mean by that. The inventory, the housing inventory need in the United States is somewhere around 200,000 or 2 million units. We need 2 million homes, but we have 2.3 or 2.4 people trying to buy them. Okay? And in theory, fantastic. That's amazing.

Cool.

We're gonna have an awesome economy. Everything's gonna be on the uprise. What they're not taking into account is— excuse me— what they're not taking into account is the fact that the forbearances, which are the people who were told they didn't have to make a mortgage payment several months ago, are now coming to bear. And there was no stimulus applied to forbearances, which means you're gonna have an inventory load of over 2 million homes hitting the market. Either later this year or the beginning of next year. So now you go from having a 2 million home need to a 2 million home or a million and a half home surplus, which means economy—

It kind of reminds me of, you know, back in, I think it was like 2008 or '09, where, you know, we had houses here in California, everything was so expensive. I bought my house at the height of the market. And then it all, it all crashed. And so it's just like, gosh, I'm no genius at this. And that's why I'm glad to ask you questions like that. And I'll be calling you for more advice on that. But I want to get to some of your tips and tools on just how you got to be where you are as far as your confidence levels. Because to be homeless, to struggle at some of the times where, you know, you were sleeping in the back of somebody's car when you were living in a trailer home, and to get out of that, to build your yourself back up, to build your, you know, your career up. Do you ever have moments where you don't feel confident? Or can you tell us some things that you did to build your confidence? Because I think that a lot of times when people feel stuck, it's because they don't feel like they have the confidence to move forward. So what are some of the things that you do to continually have that humble confidence that you have?

Yeah, so first of all, I would tell you that I'm human. Even today, I get intimidated from time to time with a—

Thank you for saying that.

Yeah, because I don't want to— I don't want people to think the world doesn't need any more gurus. The world needs more guides, people that are willing to share that, hey, I got a weak spot here, or this has been a struggle for me. I think one thing that helped me get from where I was to where I'm at specifically is what you teach on so much, which is a state of resilience. But resilience built through confidence over time. You see, when I, when I, when I first got out of the car, I got into somebody— I got into my father's mobile home back on the couch, right? It wasn't— I never— I wasn't thinking about building million-dollar businesses or buying nice things or speaking on stages or writing books. I was thinking about how do I stabilize my life?

Mm-hmm.

Now, once I got stable, I had the confidence to know, ooh, if I ever have to go back this far, I at least know how to build stability and get back to a stable place, which reduces fear, which increases confidence. Now, take that a step further. After I got stable, now I go, how do I become scalable? Right now, that, that zero to scalable mentality where stability, that process was almost a 5 to 8 year period of time. It wasn't like it was 12 months or 24 months or 36 months. It was consistently getting up every single day saying, I'm going to give it another go today. That's it. I'm going to try again today. That was grit.

That was grit and consistency and persistence. And, you know, you describing that, the stability, that's kind of what I teach when, you know, I've been in the fitness industry forever and clients that want to do these crazy exercises that looks like so much fun. I'm like, no, First, we have to create stability. Once you create stability, then you can go and try all the, the crazy exercises. But if you don't, you— I mean, you have to have that stability. And I appreciate you sharing that it took time. It took a lot of years because I think that's what people see sometimes, especially with social media, is, oh well, they're just lucky, or oh, look at, you know, how Look at them, they own all those businesses, or they have a best-selling book, or, you know, and it takes a lot of time. So I appreciate you saying that. And so I think that does build your confidence when you do things and when you do them consistently and when you do them scared sometimes, you know.

I mean, I can tell you right now, there's— I would tell you the most momentum I created was doing what I refer to as the hard work first. It was the work that I wanted least to do, that I was most afraid of, that gave me the biggest push or the biggest fruit. So when all else fails, the principle in this case would be do the hard work first. What is standing in front of you right now that you're terrified of, that you know you can do? Do that thing.

Amen. That is what I do. I'm huge with sticky notes. I've got them. And they're color-coded, like the things that are priority or the things that scare me. Sometimes I'm like, why am I procrastinating on that? But it's fear. And if you just take one action step to accomplish even just one tiny bit closer to your goal, you feel better and you build your confidence.

But I know confidence is a set of stairs. It's, it's not a, it's not a mountain climb. Like, it takes time.

Yeah. And I love that you say do that hard thing first. And if we do the hard thing first, then it things in life becomes easier later. But if we do the easy thing, things in life get harder.

Just pushing it and pushing it, pushing it. You're kicking the can down the street is what you're doing. And you don't want to do that if you actually want to achieve a certain level of fulfillment and peace. And I say peace, like in my life now, I went through COVID less scared because of being prepared. I have a sense of peace when I walk in and spend time with my family. I've got a sense of peace now within the businesses. But all of that came from as a result of doing the hard work of the very thing that I didn't want to do. Right? You can distract yourself with the easy stuff. I'm gonna do the little thing here and do the little thing over here and do it just because you don't want to touch that thing over there. Well, it's time to touch that thing over there. That's how you're gonna get the biggest lift.

Yeah. And, you know, I think something that helps with that is, uh, I take a look at my phone and look at where I've spent the most time. You know, it gives you the weekly report every week. And my daughter actually went through it with me and she was like, huh, You spent 70 hours online last week. And I'm like, well, but I do Zooms. I teach through. I do speaking events. I do the podcast. She goes, hmm, let's take a look at your Instagram. You know? And so she, it was like, you know what? You gotta look at the things, stare at those things, like take accountability, see what's working for you. What are things that you are, that are moving needle on your business? Or what are things that you're just doing that are like busy work or you think that are important, but are they really important? Like, is it really moving the needle on your business? But I love that you brought up family. You have a beautiful family. And I got— y'all, he's got a podcast. And I had the honor of being on his podcast. It's called Stuck to Unstoppable. And I cried on the podcast because—

We both did.

Uh, yeah. And I think because we relate to one another, and when we started talking about family, I was talking about, you know, living with chronic pain every day, and your wife can relate to that. I, I've been really wanting to ask you, as a husband, what do you do when you see, you know, your wife struggling with any health issues or with pain?

Yeah.

How does that affect you? And then what do you do to move through that? So selfishly, I want to know for my husband, you know, I want to—

Yeah, I think so. First of all, I would say that when, when my wife and I got married, it was kind of like a storybook romance. We literally met, within 6 months we were married. Our families were like, you know, you would think, don't you, this is way too short a time. They were like, you guys, we have never seen anything like this.

How long did y'all date before you got married?

5 and a half months.

Wow.

5 and a half months. And that's a whole story for another show. But one of the things that came out of that was my wife was at that time, she was running 6+ miles on a regular basis. She was really active. She was a, she was a store manager for a chain called Talbots. And, you know, she was doing very well for herself. And then within the first 2 years, you know, this personal brand stuff started kind of shaking out and I started more and more speaking and first book and all this kind of stuff. And I'll tell you one of the— there's only one thing in my life that I regret, and it has to do with my wife. And it's the fact that I wish I had given her the 2 years during her healthy period.

Mm-hmm.

Before I started doing this, this kind of thing after the fact, because I didn't know that 2 years later that her health would essentially take a nosedive and she would begin struggling with all kinds of things from stage 4 endometriosis to fibromyalgia to essentially nerve damage within her lower back, all of which radiates pain on a consistent basis.

Mm-hmm.

And the, the struggle for me as a husband, and I'll just be honest and transparent, I might get emotional again, we'll see, is I can't do anything about it. I'm a fixer, right? I can, I can go out in the world, business marketplace, even in our own family, and mentor and coach and teach and see better outcomes come to fruition. When it comes to her health, there's nothing, there's nothing I can personally do So the only thing that I have done to try to be supportive is I try to listen and let her vent about how she feels.

Mm.

I've heard her say things to me that broke my heart. For example, one of those is, um, she told me one time she felt like a burden to me, you know, and she wasn't. She's not. She's not a burden. She's also the very same woman that sat beside me when we learned that some of my previous executives had not only tried to embezzle over $1 million from me, but they also tried to take my company out from under me. She was there.

And she said something to you when you found out.

Yeah, she did.

About this. And she said something that really impacted you. Can you share that?

Absolutely. So a little backstory is about 2 years earlier, she had met my entire executive team. One particular— she had what I guess my friend Ramsey would refer to as a bad feeling about it. And she made it known. We had just started dating at the time. Those people had been working with me from anywhere from 12 to 15 years, you know, depending on the team member, the executive. And we got out, we came downstairs, we got out of the truck, got into the truck, and she said, she goes, I don't know who the bald, the tall bald guy is, but he's dangerous. Get him out of your business now.

Wow.

Kind of thing.

I just got goosebumps.

Like, I mean, she— that's exactly what she said. And, you know, in the moment, I was like, Come on. You're like, I barely know you. We just started dating. Like, you're beautiful and you're smart, your intelligence.

But—

and I didn't realize that she, you know, one of the— there's 7 relationships. I have an ebook called 7 Relationships That You Need to Win at Life. One of those relationships is a gatekeeper. And I didn't know she was stepping into that. I had never had one before, which is why I was able to be taken advantage of and manipulated so easily prior to her. But fast forward 2 years, we're on the bathroom floor of one of the houses we used to own. I had just learned I was supposed to step on stage and teach for 3 days straight, ironically at the first Transform U event. And I walk in, she's crying on the bathroom floor. I go up and I put my arms around her and kneel down beside her. And I said, babe, I'm so sorry for failing you.

Oh.

Because what had come up in my mind was that 2-year warning where I could have like kept her out of danger, kept my whole family out of danger, kept the business out of danger. And, you know, I think as, as men— and I don't— I'm sure women can, can testify to this as well— but as men specifically, we struggle with worth more than anything else. We want to feel valued, respected, and then loved kind of scenario. And I felt like I had failed her so much that everything in me— that she, that she had everything in inside of her could allow her to walk out the door.

Wow.

And she turned up and looked at me with big tears in her eyes in a very like— talk about grit, right? She said, oh, let's get this straight. You didn't fail me. They failed you. We're gonna fight and we're gonna fight hard. And I was like, I love her. All right, Mamacita, I'm on the game. You fired me up. So yeah, so that— I mean, that's— but I think that goes to show that the tenacity you need to overcome massive life adversity is only one belief away.

Mm-hmm.

It's only one belief away. The tenacity you— that you need in that moment literally comes down to what you tell yourself in that moment. All the way back to sleeping in the car, right? It's like, if I'm gonna go down, I may as well go down fighting. Well, I got nothing to lose. I literally had nothing to lose. In this moment, right? My wife's courage, my wife's grit, my wife's resilience, her tenacity was like, Fire it up. Let's go. I woke up the next morning, taught on stage for 3 days, got in my truck the afternoons, and I was bebopping all over the state trying to— I had no idea if I could put it back together. But she gave me the courage to fight and try. And sometimes you have to have that person in your corner.

I think so. And I love the idea of this gatekeeper. My husband is definitely my gatekeeper. I actually call him my BS detector.

Yeah.

And he will— he'll research people. He'll look them up. I was actually supposed to have a business meeting yesterday. And he researched every— and he stayed up till 2 o'clock in the morning researching all this. And he got up and he doesn't say, you don't need to do business with them. He will say, this is what I have researched and found. And I'm not sure it's a very good idea for you. But you make that— and I'm like, ooh, I know. You know?

Yeah.

So he doesn't say, don't do that with it. He like gives me, you know, but he's my BS detector. But I like, I think gatekeeper sounds a little more professional. So I like that. And yeah, you're right. You know, I think a lot of times it does help when we are in a moment of where we are frustrated or feel vulnerable or just, you know, sad. It's like when we have somebody that can light the fire underneath us, it's like that makes a huge difference. And it is important in times because sometimes we never know when something's going to come up. I mean I just did a post yesterday about how I was just walking to an event, just stepped on the red carpet, and I recognized someone that was actually at my very first book signing. I was like, I think that's the photographer that was at my book signing. And I walk up and I was like, hi. He goes, oh, you're the girl with the broken body. And I was like, oh my gosh.

Really?

I'm about to take pictures on the red carpet. And so I just like stood with both hands on my hips. I tilted my chin up and I smiled so big. And I was like, I'm ready. And I was like, no, I'm here to empower women. And so much is about, and it did sting. Like I was like, it really hit because I did feel broken.

Yeah.

And so, you know, I think it helps when right afterwards I had my girlfriends there and they were like lifting me up. And so I think you're Your wife is an amazing woman. And she really—

I can't wait for you guys to meet. It's going to be amazing.

I can't wait to meet her. So I'm going to get to meet her soon at your event. I'm going to— I'm so grateful and so honored to be a part of your event. It's called Transform U. And I would love for you to share a little bit about your event and what inspired you to make this one a hybrid where you have it setup? I can't wait to see your setup. I know you've been working so hard behind the scenes. But what inspired you to start something like this? So just tell us a little bit about it and tell us, oh my God, the lineup of speakers you have is freaking incredible. So tell us a little bit about it.

Well, the reason I started the event, it goes all the way back to my purpose. Everything that flows out of me has only, has one commonality and one purpose. Serving the person I used to be. The person I used to be had no control over their life. The person I used to be had no direction in life. The person I used to be had no clarity. The person I used to be had no even idea that you could actually reach out and actually reclaim your hope and actually pull it back in and actually work with it. I had no idea, right? So, Transform U became a pet product of mine several years ago when I began building out the framework that literally took me from homelessness all the way to where I'm at today in a very practical methodical process. And basically, all the stuff that I learned along the way that was like fluff, I got rid of it. All the stuff that I got that was effective, I kept it. And then, I organized it in such a way to create a massive live event experience that we had. And then, this year with COVID I had something special in my heart. And that was, you know what? There are people who used to be where I used to be. They don't have a lot of resources necessarily. And as a result, they're not able to do these kinds of events and go to these kinds of conferences and get their life turned around, take control of their life, get their clear— get their own clarity, get their own direction. And as a result, they get to live their life over and over again the same day after day after day. And I'm like, enough's enough. I'm sick of it. I'm done with it. So, what I do, I reached out to my friends like you guys, like you and Tom Bilyeu and Lisa Bilyeu and Anthony Trucks and gosh, Mel Abraham. We have like The who's who of thought leadership when it comes down to transforming your life from the inside out. Because at the end of the day, I want to give people hope, aspiration, clarity, and direction day after day after day after day, because they'll learn that the principles in fact do govern the promises. And their future, their future is really not that far out of reach. They just need to know how. They don't teach this stuff in school.

Mm-hmm.

They don't teach you to deal with relationships. They don't teach you how to deal with your various insecurities and fears and setbacks. Well, we do.

Yeah.

We do.

Yeah. Amen to that. And you know, it's something, I was just talking to my oldest daughter who just got accepted into Yale, by the way. And I'm like, okay, I'm, for a mama like me who, I was a single mom for years. I didn't go to college. The first thing out of my mouth was, well, are you happy? And then I'm like, okay, this is amazing. You got into Yale. But we talk about things they don't teach you in school like overwhelm and how to build your confidence and how to set up principles to live your life. So I am so excited about this and so excited to meet so many people that I've known for a while now in person at your event. The excitement is building for it. So I'm so glad. We're going to be sending out stuff. We'll have the link for your event in the show notes. So if you're listening to this, make sure you check the show notes. It'll be up on YouTube. It'll be on the website. Also, I want to make sure that people find your podcast because, dude, you have some amazing guests on your podcast. One of my favorites is Dean Graziosi.

Oh, he was, he was amazing.

And I'm so honored I got to be on there. I'm like, yes.

You brought the heat, girl. I'm telling you what.

Oh, thank you. You, you, you just have an amazing podcast that And your social media, every single post, whether it's an IGTV or a quote, it really hits home. So if you're looking for inspiration, y'all check him out. And, and I really hope that you go. Tell us where people can find you and find the event other than the show notes if they're listening right now.

Yeah. So the, uh, the easiest way to stay in touch with me is going to be through Instagram. I spend most of my time there, although I get to hang out with you occasionally on Clubhouse, which is pretty amazing. Which is Stephen.

Yeah, that's fun. Hey, tell everybody again because I was so excited saying, yeah, that's fun. Tell everybody.

Yeah, no, it's, uh, Instagram, it's Stephen_Scoggins with a PH, uh, S-C-O-G-G-I-N-S. And then if you're interested in checking out the event itself, it's journeyprinciples.com/transformtheletterulive. Transform You, the letter U, live. One of the things I'm most excited about with this event is with every single ticket that is purchased, not only do you get an amazing experience, not only do you get a framework, not only get clarity and direction for yourself, every single ticket allows you to give another ticket to someone in need at various levels. So that's our way to give back to the people we used to be and get out there and transform millions of lives. That's my goal anyway.

Oh, well, you're doing it. You're doing it. I love your passion and I love your enthusiasm. And if y'all are listening, you should check out this video on YouTube because you are on Fire. Your energy is like, I just love it. So thank you for being here. I am so excited. I feel like I've already met you in person because we've talked through Zoom so much that it's weird. I feel like I've already met you in person. But I'll finally get to meet you in the flesh soon. And I hope so many of you listening will come and join us because some of my favorite people, thought leaders are going to be there speaking.

So many.

Oh yeah, Tom, Anthony.

Yes.

Oh, Evan is gonna be there too.

We have so like, literally, I reached out to all my thought leader friends. And they're all like, you're doing what? Heck yeah, I want in. Let's go. Yeah, no, and it's gonna be tremendous. And if you've been stuck in the rat wheel of life over that, where you're living Groundhog's Day every single day, and you're looking for something else, We can help you get there.

Yeah. And you really make it feel like a community. And I think that's what people want more is to feel a part of, have some guidance and have that hope. So thank you for your beautiful servant heart and all that you do. I'm excited to see you. Thank you so much for being on.

Absolutely. My pleasure. I can't wait to do it again.

Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Grit and Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends. That would help too. If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to amberlylago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable gratitude journal, and you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next week.

Bye.