Get Into Action and Create the Domino Effect with Tina Marx

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert and bestselling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace.

Hi and welcome back to the show. Thank y'all for being here today. I have my good friend Tina Marks with us. She's a certified holistic life coach, ordained metaphysical minister with a master's degree in metaphysical counseling, and she's received her second year Science of Mind certificate— certification. Girl, you, you're amazing. You have been studying and practicing the teachings of metaphysics, spirituality, and Eastern philosophies for like 2 decades.

Mm-hmm.

And we've talked for a while, and I know that you are like slammed, have 40 sessions with clients at least a week. You're coaching and helping so many people. So I just appreciate you taking the time to be here with us to share your wisdom. And you are the author of a couple books. I just finished reading Your book, this, The Domino Effect: Fear Versus Faith, 9 Principles for Resurfacing in Your Own Life. Girl, I love this book because number one, it was easy for me to read because of the way you've outlined it. But also, I— we connected instantly when we first met, but I think one of the reasons is we grew up so much alike. So thanks for being here.

Oh.

And can you tell us a little bit about you and how you grew up and how that really, I think, inspired all that you do today and teach other people.

Oh, absolutely. And thank you so much for having me on. It's absolutely my pleasure, and I would always make time for you. So, uh, yes, you know, it's funny because when we first met, I did say, you know, and this is before you read the book, it's when I had you on my show and I had read your book, and I was like, wow, we share a lot of similarities. And at that point You hadn't read my book, so it was like you're kind of going on my word, but now you see what I'm saying, right?

Yeah, yeah.

And in many ways we grew up differently. We had like father issues. I write about it in my book. I was not, you know, sexually abused by my father, but I was emotionally abused by my father. And, you know, he would hit me. I mean, never like put me in the hospital or anything like that, but it was more of the emotional abuse. And what I write in that book and What I really, really want people to understand is that, you know, a lot of people think if you have money, okay, if you're raised with money or you look a certain way, or, you know, that your problems disappear. And I write that in the intro of my book is that, you know, I had everything that, you know, a person would want in regards to material things. I mean, I grew up on a private golf course. I had a tennis court.

Wow.

in my backyard. I mean, I had private tennis lessons and horseback riding and dance lessons. I mean, seriously, tennis camp every year, private schools, all of that. But it didn't ever make me feel any less alone or afraid because my father, nothing was ever good enough. And I just felt stupid and scared and unwanted, like all the time.

So that's why I really felt compelled to write the book.

And I even say in the book, I, when I was writing the book, I didn't, I was just heavily journaling and getting things out, which I have found in my life just to be so cathartic. Seriously, it's changed my life. And I slipped away from that after writing that book for many, many years. And now I'm back on track. Like every day, it's funny, I didn't do it this weekend. I'm like, oh, it's the weekend. And I do feel a little bit off. I mean, I got back to it this morning, but I'm telling you, just even a day or two, it's almost like my meditation.

Mm-hmm.

Because I've gotta be honest with you, I don't meditate at all. I, I'd like to think I do. Uh, and I tell everybody else to do it because I, I know it's a great way to connect you to spirit and yourself and your subconscious mind. But my way of doing that is, is really is, is journaling.

Well, I love that, and it is cathartic. And I really encourage everyone and all of my clients to write it out. I say write it out even if it's something that you don't want, if you think somebody's gonna find— you know, I just had a session with a young girl, and I could tell she was like, didn't want her mom going through her journal or her diary. And I said, well, write it out sloppy where no one else could read it. Maybe you can't even read it later, but there's something about getting the thoughts from your head and getting, you know, pen to paper that's very healing. And it was the same experience for me when I wrote my book. I thought that I had dealt with a lot of childhood traumas. And I did not realize until I started writing my book that, oh wow, I really haven't dealt with this as much or healed from it as much as I thought that I had. And it's— I always think about, you know, it's sometimes pressure as a mom because I, I want to raise my children knowing that they can come to me and talk about anything, you know, feeling loved and feeling safe and secure, especially now with what's going on in the world. It's hard because I know things that happened when I was a kid affected me all up until now, you know, until we peel those layers back and heal that.

Yeah.

And I was, you know, the relationship you had with your mom, uh, the loving relationship, and then the fear relationship or not good enough relationship that you had with your dad. I so related, um, with that. Your mother said something you wrote in the book. It says your mother said life has changed if you're feeling stuck in your life, chances are you probably need some change. But a lot of us feel stuck right now. A lot of us, you know, I've got people that are even, you know, working really hard and they're like, oh, I can't sustain this. And I have some people that are just bored out of their minds that I work with, but a lot of people feel stuck. How do you get unstuck? What would you suggest for someone to do?

Well, first thing, before I forget, I want to go back to the, the, the person that you're coaching who said that they didn't want their mom to read that, their diary. Well, my dad found my diary in high school, and not only did he read it, he Xeroxed it and made a copy. Okay, so I for many, many years did not write in my journal. So now what I do to this day— now I live with my 16-year-old son who has no interest in reading my diary, but I, I still— For me to feel safe after I write it, I tear out the pages and I tear them up and they either go in the trash or they go in the toilet. So it's really, 'cause I never liked, I don't go back and read it anyway. Right. So it's all like you said about getting it out. So, and then—

That is such a good tip. But with this young girl, she actually is a cancer survivor. She's so brave. And she's got a lot of, a lot of stuff going on. But I told her, I said, you know, you never know. My journal became part of my book. There are actually pages from my journal in my book. But I totally get that where you're—

Yeah.

I had an ex-boyfriend read my journal, and after that I didn't write my journal for years. And I, I let that stop me from writing in my journal. So I love that you say Write in it and then tear it up and throw it away, you know.

Yeah. But if she, if she thinks it may turn into a book, then, you know what, I, like you said, whether it's messy handwriting or, you know, like for somebody's name, you can just put the first letter. You know what you're talking about, right? I mean, you know your own language that somebody else isn't going to know, or just in broken sentences. So anyway, I just wanted to add that. So far as, as getting unstuck, okay. For me, you know, I believe in the ebb and the flow, and I think we're really too hard on ourselves sometimes. You know, when things are just going, they're, you know, they're just snapping right into place, right? Feels so good. It feels like we're moving forward and now it's finally happening, right? And then all of a sudden it feels like everything just stops, right? I mean, as you and I were chatting before we got on, you know, I said last week it was just like hiring somebody, firing somebody, rehired them over the weekend. I feel like everything's falling through the cracks. You know, but that's not, that's not being stuck. But getting unstuck in regards to the ebb and the flow, sometimes you just need to kind of go inward and ask the universe or God. I mean, that's, that's really what's changed my life in the last couple months. I mean, I have absolutely surrendered myself to God, the universe. Dr. Erin and I were talking last week about the word God. And I was saying, you know, it's been very difficult for me to get that word out of my mouth because of my judgment on that word.

Mm-hmm.

other people's judgment on that word. So for just for everybody listening, it's not necessarily in a religious connotation. I just believe that there is an energy, a power greater than us that we work in unison with. And really it's this divine intelligence that really is the greatest power there is. And so I've surrendered myself to that. So if I'm feeling stuck, I turn it over. I say—

What do you want me to do? Where do you want me to go? What do you want me to say? And to whom?

Who?

Gabby Bernstein actually is the one who gave me that prayer. And I say that in the morning, you know. So if you just kind of focus on being of service to other people and getting outside of yourself, I think that's one of the fastest ways to get unstuck. And also being out in nature.

Yeah, for sure. And it's so funny, we were talking about Dr. Aaron and I said that we finally had some girl time and got to hang out. on Saturday. And what I believe in, a higher power too. I believe in God. And that is, I had to surrender. And I asked God to come before every interview, before any time I step on stage, before I work with a client. I always ask God to come in and speak through me. What, what am I turning it over? I tried to do it on my own and it just didn't work. I, I needed to believe that there was something bigger than me that was going to see me through the hard times. And we were just talking about when I was with Dr. Aaron, I said, yeah, you know, and being in nature is where I connect most with God, which is so different from how I grew up where I went to church every Sunday. I didn't feel as connected as I do when I just go in nature. And so yeah, whether you call it God, universe, whatever you call it, I do believe that that is what I do, turn it over. So I think that's such great advice. Um, so many people are in fear right now, and you talk a lot about faith versus fear, but how do you choose that faith to keep moving? How do you get out of the fear?

Well, kind of what's the option that, you know, the option is after I wrote that book, I went to an even scarier place. You know, it was about 3 years ago for 2 full years. Everything was taken away from me. God just took everything away from me. And now looking back, I understand why, because it was like I did not feel good enough. I did not feel capable. I did not feel deserving, right? And so it was like God, the universe, whatever you want to say, said, I'm going to show you how capable you really are. I'm going to show you how worthy you really are. I'm going to show you how deserving you really are. And I was faced with that question, Amberly, like the minute I opened my eyes. I was in terror. And I— there was just a voice inside of me that said, just keep going. First of all, you know, I have my son. Honestly, if it weren't for my son, and I'm just going to be really transparent, I don't know what would have happened to me. I don't know if I would have had the courage and the strength to keep moving forward because it was such a dark time for me. I mean, talk about anxious. The only time I was at peace was when I was asleep. And the minute that I opened my eyes, it was just terror and, and fright. And, um, So again, you know, I have these principles in the book and if it all starts with remembering who you are, we forget. Okay. So, you know, as I say, any child that comes into the world, okay, they know exactly who they are. They're confident, they're joyful. It's what I would describe as our true nature.

Okay.

And that is what we're all, whether we believe it or not, we're all trying to get back to that place because that is the only way that life is really worth living is having that kind of nature and attitude towards life, right? Because when we get older, it's, it's just kind of that, you know, everything just starts piling on and you can't do this. And, and, you know, I talk about the conditioned mind and the, and the faith-based mindset or the ego mind. And just like my, my mom and my dad in my book, and what actually, when I wrote that page, I was like, it was just an aha moment because, you know, my father was the person saying nothing was ever good enough. You can't do this. Who do you think you are? That's our ego mind. That, or the devil, whatever you want to call it. And then there was my mom saying, oh God, you're so good at so many things. It must be hard for you to choose. And you know, that's your faith-based mindset or your God mindset. So it's like, which one are you going to listen to? You have to first of all become aware that this is going on. There's going to be a war in your head and it's always going to be there because we're human beings.

Okay.

But whatever one you feed becomes stronger and becomes louder. So if you're feeding and buying into the negative self-limiting beliefs, that's going to get stronger. And that's going to take— and that I've been there. I was there most of my life. So the recognition and the awareness is the first step. And then, you know, taking steps like journaling, like affirmations, like gratitude. The more you're grateful for, the more you are to be grateful for. And, you know, I just shared this on my Instagram. And it's something that has just worked so well for me because I was the type of— because, you know, my mind can go back to that place very easily because that was more ingrained in me than not, right? So like the minute I—

I think that it's easier, like, you know, people can— you can hear all these nice compliments, or, or talking about Instagram, you can have all these great comments on your feed and get one Negative comment, and that's the one that'll stick. And you're like, oh my God, I can't believe they said that. Well, you know, and it's hard because I feel like we can hear all these nice things, but those negative ones want to stick to us like Velcro.

Yeah. Until we say no more, I'm not going to have that. And so what I— so what I do, Amberly, the minute I open my eyes now, I started this about a month and a half ago, I just started consciously said I love my life. I love my life. Right. And so whatever you say, your mind goes to attach and make sure that that comes forward in your life. Right. Well, now I kid you not, the minute I open my eyes, whether I wake up in the middle of the night or I wake up in the morning for the day, the first thought in my head is I love my life. I love my life because now I've reprogrammed and my day goes that way, searches for ways for me to love my life. Mm-hmm.

And I—

it's not part of—

Powerful. That's powerful.

You know, I've changed something as well. I've changed a couple of things. One thing I've changed is instead of waking up and saying, oh, I have to do this, I say, I get to do this.

Totally.

And it just changes, like, because it puts you in a place of, I am grateful that I get to do so many things, instead of saying I have to do something. I get to do something. That changed. And another thing that changed for me is I used to say, because I live with chronic pain every day and talk about pain, I would say, because my pain, I would say it is mine. And I'm like, no, this isn't my pain. Pain is pain because of this pain or the pain. I don't want to own that. So I want to release having that pain as that's not a part of me. It doesn't define me. So those couple of things have really changed the way my day goes. But I am going to start waking up saying, I love my life. I love my life.

I love my life.

Yeah.

And I love it.

I love the fact that you do that too, because you're not owning that. You're saying it's pain, but it's not necessarily. I love that, that you're doing that. And no, you are such an inspiration. I mean, I could ask you the same thing, and I think I will. I mean, how do you get You know, through your days with— you've got constant pain from the minute you get up.

Yeah, it is. And, and, you know, I think the, um, thing that scares me the most when I get in fear— because I'm not in fear a lot— like, yes, I get nervous before I go out and speak on stage to 2,000 people, or, or now I get more nervous when I'm doing a webinar and there's technology. And I used to see people. And now it's just like, I'm looking at my face, which is not, you know, I don't really want to do that. I'm like, I want to see people, not like speaking to myself. But when I get in fear, it's not about sharing my message. It's not about getting in front of the people. My fear mostly comes from, oh my goodness, how bad is this pain going to get? Is it going to make my brain foggy? Is it going to make me so sick or You know, is the pain going to get to be so bad that I get nauseated and throw up? Because that's a reality for me. And a lot of people that live with a chronic illness, especially with chronic pain— pain to me is as normal as someone else breathing. Like, I, I live in it every day.

Yeah.

And if I didn't get my mind right, do things to take care of my body— like yesterday, I had some kombucha drink that had so much sugar in it. I didn't realize it. And that flared me up and made me in more pain. And so I think getting your mindset right, how you start with your day. I love my life. I start my day with mantras, writing in my journal, getting grounded in gratitude. Like those things are so important because if I feel like I can, I used to just hit the ground running. You know, I would just get up. And go. And I can't do that anymore. I have to give myself enough time to wake up, let my brain wake up, let, you know, get grounded with my morning routine. And then I'm able to get through the day a lot easier. If my pain gets worse, I can go back to, you know, distraction works. Like, if I stand in one place, it, it kills me.

Mm-hmm.

So I'm like, I want to keep moving. I want— and you talked about something Earlier you talked about when you were going through your hard time and your son was your inspiration to keep moving forward. I think that's important, whether you're dealing with chronic pain like me or any kind of pain, because we all have pain.

Mm-hmm.

With whatever you're dealing with is to look at what's your purpose, what is your why? Because when we have a purpose and we can be of service, that is what really pulls me out of pain and Totally, totally.

That, that would be, you know, that's the first direction you want to go if you're feeling, feeling sorry for yourself. It's like there's always somebody that has a circumstance that is worse than yours, you know what I mean?

Yeah. It's—

and, and that's what the gratitude list too is just for you. It's interesting that you said that you can't do this stuff anymore, Amberly. There's so many things in my life because I Just like you, hit the ground running. All I heard my whole life was, Tina, slow down. And I would say, how am I supposed to slow down? I'm not even getting everything done going at this speed. Okay? But I did have, like with my hand, I had an accident with my hand. And there's, you know, the universe, if it wants you to slow down, it's going to make you slow down. And think about it, Amberly. It's like—

That's not what life's about either. It's not about rushing through life. You know what I mean? I had a spiritual coach do this exercise on me once that I want to share really quickly, which I just thought was so profound. And I think that everybody can relate to this. I was on the phone. He says, okay, just walk, just carry me around the house, walk around your house at your normal pace. So I'm walking around at my normal pace. And he's like, okay, so now slow it down a little bit. Now what do you see? And then slow it down a little bit. And then he got me down. So I felt like I was walking so slowly that I could be walking backwards, right?

Mm-hmm.

But what this exercise did was I wasn't seeing most of the things when I was walking at my normal speed.

Do you see what I'm saying? How many opportunities are right in front of you, but if you are going too fast or you've just got blinders on, you're going to miss them. And people go, well, I don't— nothing's opening up for me. Well, it could be right in front of you, but if you're not present, you're going to miss them. You're just racing to the next. You're putting your body through, like, your central nervous system— I mean, mine was like shot, you know. And I really believe that's one of the reasons that I got cancer was because I was so stressed out. So you got to really be careful with that and become more present.

Yeah, it's interesting that you say that because I worked with a spiritual coach. You know, I was trying everything to get out of pain, going to the top doctors in the country and spending thousands on medical procedures and Eastern, Western medicine, some, you know, crazy stuff where people would wave wand on over me and cut cords and drip oil, like some crazy witchcraft kind of stuff. Anything when you're in pain and you're like, I just need to get out of pain. But when you said that, it made me think about, there was this one spiritual teacher who said, what was your life like when you had your accident? And I said, oh, it was great. My career was booming. My relationship, like it was You know, I was going at a fast pace. And she said, well, I think that you caused this. This accident happened because you caused this. You needed to slow down. And I got really angry. I was like, why would I cause an SUV to hit me? Like I was— but then it really made me kind of wake up to Everything happens for a reason. I'm not saying that or would wish that on anyone by any means, but it has taught me to— I mean, my whole TED Talk is called The Pace of Pain. It teaches others and me, because I'm still learning, how to pace through pain. But I think what you said is so important because we can get caught up in the rat race of life and feel— for a long time, I was like on a hamster wheel. I was just going, going, going, but I wasn't stopping to really enjoy what life had to offer. And so now I really, and I think that's one thing that journaling helps me with, it helps me slow down and appreciate the moments. I was looking back through pictures, trying to clear out my phone. And I was like, oh my gosh. I barely remember that book signing and I barely remember going and getting on that stage. And like everything was just so one thing after another that I feel like I didn't even get to soak in the excitement of what was going on. And so now Brandon Burchard, I listened to one of his podcast episodes and he said something about you teach people your pace and how fast you want to go. Like, if you teach people that, you know, you show them that you're going to get back to an email right away, then they know, oh, okay, well, he's going to get back right away. But if you say, I really don't have the time, I'm going to get to that email within 24 hours, then you teach people that they'll get back to me. It may take 24 hours, but they'll get back. And so We, you know, we fill our own plates. And I remember that all the time. Like, I'll be like, oh my gosh, I have a full plate. I'm doing so much and I'm overwhelmed. And I'm like, but I'm the one who filled that plate.

Exactly.

So it's up to us to go, okay, wait, what is healthy? How can I keep a healthy mental, you know, state of mind and keep my body healthy? And let's talk about your cancer. So how you were diagnosed with cancer and what that felt like and how you got through those moments.

Yeah, you know, I had just finished The Domino Effect: Fear Versus Faith.

It was, it was already back from the editor. It was ready to go. And I said, I have to include this in my book.

And I write it in my book. I remember staring out. I was on the phone With my doctor, and he told me on— he said, I really don't want to tell you this on the phone, but, you know, I had called and said— and he was so sweet.

And he—

I was staring out the window when I hung up the phone, and I remember I didn't feel scared. I felt sad. I never once said, why me? It was just— I felt a sadness, and I really don't even know where that sadness came from, to be honest with you. But I was filled, uh, with faith. And I said just what you said. My mom always taught me to believe that everything happens for a reason. And I'd gotten to this point in my life, especially I just wrote this book. Okay, so I'm not gonna be a hypocrite. I'm not gonna say, do this, and I believe in this, and then do the opposite. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

I mean, here I am writing this book about faith. Basically, you know, I do believe— this is kind of piggybacking on what you just said— I believe you do ask for everything. In life, in order to shape you, to get you to where you really truly want to go. Now, maybe the motorcycle accident for you, maybe you would have put a different scenario, but you still asked to be into this state where you can help. You can help people from a much different level, Amberly, than you could before the accident, right? So I feel the same way about my cancer, and I was filled with. face. My doctor suggested that I do radiation and then to follow up with a drug called tamoxifen. It just did not resonate with me. And everybody thought I was out of my mind for not doing this. 3 books came to me because you know what, when you're really open and you're searching and you're kind of like, show me, universe, show me, what do I need to know? I read 3 books. One of them was The pH Miracle, which is the alkaline diet. And then one was Dr. Steven Gundry's book. And then the other one was Suzanne Somers' book, Knockout. That gave me more reinforcement to go, no, this is not right. And I went on the alkaline diet and I got and started drinking the water. And I read up on tamoxifen. The first two sentences said it's a carcinogen. I said, why would I do? Then I then then I got onto a path. Started reading all of Kevin Trudeau's books about how he used to be on the. big pharmicide. And, you know, this, you know, I don't want to go too much into that because we could talk about that forever. But I do believe that a lot of the pharmaceutical drugs, I mean, they're, they're, they harm you more than they help you.

Mm-hmm.

And so I was willing to take a chance and I did. And, you know, that was in 2011 and I have, it's not returned. And I'm so grateful that I didn't do that to my body, you know, because that is, I was just having this conversation the other day. I said, you know, people that you know do undergo chemo or radiation, and I'm not saying there's one size fits all. Okay, but it does take a toll on your body, and I think a lot of people miss. I mean, if there's other options available to you, it's up to you to research that because you know a lot of the in the end, a lot of this can take your life, and it people don't put it together because it's years later, but it compromises your immune system. So. If you catch something 10 years later, they never trace it back to the fact that you had chemo or you had radiation, and that's what caused your immune system to deteriorate or be compromised.

I couldn't agree more that it's not— not everyone's the same. And it's the same for me living with complex regional pain syndrome. What works for me may not work for someone else's pain. Like, you know, I've tried everything and I tried You know, well, at one time I was on 73— I counted them out— 73 homeopathic pills a day, and I was on 11 prescription medications. And I was like, I'm done. I just stopped taking everything, like everything. Then I could gradually see, okay, well, what are my next steps? Maybe. And so for me, mine is what I put— like you, what What I put in my body, what I drink. Like, I cut out alcohol, cut out sugar, although if I have it occasionally, I feel it in my body. And I think sugar is the devil. And I think that it's addictive. It's one of the biggest addictions that no one talks about. And so I just love that you were your own advocate. You listened to the doctors, but you did your own research.

Yeah.

And I think that's what we have to do no matter what, is be your own advocate and do what's best for you. And how did you get through that sadness though? When you were feeling sad, what did you do to overcome that?

I got into action, you know, I got into action. And that was starting to do the research, starting to, to learn about this, learn about the disease, learn about pros and cons of not doing it and the risks I have. And the worst thing I've done to myself in this lifetime is spend too much time contemplating And being in a place of paralysis because I'm in such fear.

I mean, that's so awesome.

I could sit there for days, weeks, months. Not anymore. But I mean, that's because the longer you sit with it, the bigger it goes. That fear, it gets bigger and bigger. You know, any fear, the minute you look at it and you start facing it, it's not as terrifying as if you sit with it. You know, it gets— it just gets Bigger and bigger. And do you understand that this is all an assignment? Do you know what I mean? This is how we grow. If we don't, if we're not faced with any uncomfortableness or any fear, I mean, really, Amberly, how are we gonna grow? Because when we're comfortable, I'm not moving, are you? I'm comfortable.

I'm sitting right here, right?

It's like, yeah. So again, that's part of the program. And I tell all my clients, I said, lean into it and, you know, don't resist it. Trust me. I used to resist it. And you know what? It will— what resists will persist, right? And if you lean into it and embrace it, knowing that you're going to get through on the other side a better and more empowered version of yourself, that's what keeps, as you say, like, you know, your grit to keep going, right? To keep moving through it. I mean, and that's again what we're really asking for.

You know, we're asking to be a better version of ourselves. And then, you know, in, in my book, I also, one of the principles is I say face one fear daily. It doesn't have to be a huge one, you know, like jumping out of an airplane or, you know, even if it's like, oh, I don't really want to call that person. It's going to be an uncomfortable conversation, whatever it is. If you face one fear daily, you have less to be afraid about. And I think that this is the main disease in our world today is fear. Is, you know, we get trapped behind the fear and then we just can't do anything. And, you know, seriously, and we are just so much more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. And that's where the God comes in. Have a talk with God. What do I do? You know, you're confused. Your relationship with God, that's what meditation's for. That's what your journaling's for, you know.

Oh, and you know, whenever I'm in fear or I don't feel like I know the answer to a question, I pray on it before I go to bed. I really pray on it. And when I wake up, I know the answer. It comes to me. I just right away, the first thing I think about, sometimes it surprises me what the answer is, but I know the answer. In those moments where I've been in fear or sad or really in a lot of pain, I used to isolate and that really—

Yeah.

You know, and I felt like I'm, I'm the only one going through this and no one understands. And I think sometimes As an entrepreneur, for me anyway, it's easy to isolate even through my work because I can get so in this bubble of right now, you know, being on Zoom all day with clients or webinars or interviews. And then I'm like, oh my goodness, this is— it sometimes is really hard to juggle everything with virtual school, being the lunch lady, spending time with my daughter, making sure I take time to exercise. Getting social media, I mean, creating a post and keeping up with comments, that can be kind of difficult. And sometimes I feel like isolating. And one of the things that I think really helps is to do what you said, like to reach out to somebody, to call someone, even if I'm feeling like, oh gosh, I don't know if I want to send an email to that person that I might be turned down. And if I don't ask, I never know. You never know.

And exactly.

And that's the only regret. That's regret is what you, what you, what you don't do, what you don't reach out for. Right, exactly.

Exactly.

You know, Amberly, I want to say one, two, one thing too about the power of prayer that just blew my mind recently. And I think that everybody's gonna relate to this, whatever experience you're going through, because this just illustrates God, the universe, okay? Because we like to put ourselves in this box and go, well, if you know, if it doesn't relate to our 5 senses, it doesn't exist. Right? That's why a lot of people don't turn to God or turn to the universe. I used to smoke cigarettes, and I put them down for 17 years. And then when I was going through all this, I had a boyfriend that was smoking.

And, you know, I'm like, I'll never go back to smoking. Only just have a hit.

You know what I mean? I was just—

sure enough, then I went through this, and I was smoking every day. I mean, I was waking up to it. I mean, full-blown again.

Right?

And I've been struggling with it. I'd pick it up, I'd put it down, I'd pick it up, and I'm just going, I cannot do this anymore. And I just prayed over this and I said, I can't, you know. And every time I'd relapse, it was even worse because it tells your psyche, I'm never gonna be able to do this. Do you know what I'm saying? The more you try and do something and then you don't succeed, you create this doubt in your mind like, I'm just not capable of doing that. And then of course, you know, the society is backing you up.

And you're And shame comes along with that.

Oh, shame and guilt.

Yeah.

And society backs you up going, oh, well, it's the hardest thing to quit. It's harder than heroin to quit. So that kind of keeps you stuck in it, you know, or it validates why you haven't gotten, you know, and I was, I'm gonna go to hypnotherapy.

Anyway, I prayed over it.

And like magic, the desire was lifted. And it's been 5 weeks now, and I'm not white-knuckling it. It's gone. When I'm telling you it's gone, it's gone. And I'm not saying it hasn't entered my mind. I haven't had a craving, but I now— this is what I think. I go, man, I would be so upset with myself if I picked up, you know what I mean? I've come this far. It's, you know, a little bump in the road. It's not like I can't live without it. So anyways, pray over things that you feel like you can't control, and trust me, you will, you will get the power. If you really believe it to be, it to come.

Well, you know what? Thank you so much for sharing that. Um, because I know there's probably a lot of closet smokers out there. I mean, I was a closet drinker and the only thing that lifted my obsession for drinking, I've been sober now for 4 and a half years, was God. I prayed and it was miraculous along with a lot of work that still goes into my recovery.

Yeah.

And, and the tribe I call my God Squad that we get together and we, you know, share.

So important.

Yeah, it's so important.

We were talking about that. So important to have your tribe, right?

Mm-hmm.

So not just people, I mean, people that you really like can talk deeply with, that can understand that it's a safe place to fall, not just shooting the shit about nothing.

Yeah.

And you know what?

That's so true. And you know, I think when you are honest and authentic, that is when you find your like-minded soul sisters or your tribe, is when— I'm so grateful for you. You and I connected, and every time we talk, we're like, oh, let me connect you with this person.

Yeah.

Let me, you know, oh, I'm gonna share your show. I'm gonna— and that's what it's all about, you know, is, is reaching out and connecting like that. I love that you have your 9 daily principles, and you've talked about A couple. Can you share just a few more?

Sure. Order is very, very important. I share about order. There is a quote I heard a long time ago, like, messy house or messy desk, messy mind. It's very true. If you have clutter, if, if all your space, your living space, wherever you're surrounding yourself, your environment is cluttered, your mind's going to be cluttered.

Okay.

And what happens when you're, when you feel cluttered, you feel confused. I mean, you know, you're just making it much harder on yourself, you know? So you want every year your space, your environment to be cleared. Take it to another step is like inspiring quotes. And everywhere you look, I interviewed Brian Breach and he, he, he was amazing.

Oh, I love Brian. He's on the, he's on the True Grit and Grace show too.

Oh, is he?

Yeah.

He's awesome.

He shared that like wherever he looks in his place or he'll look at a painting and that's inspiring because It brings a story to mind, or he's got, you know, just quotes around the house. I mean, for me, if I'm going through something difficult, I'll put Post-its around just wherever I can see it frequently throughout the day, again, to go into my subconscious mind.

Oh yeah, you should see my— yeah, I've got something over my desk that says, you've got this. My business cards even say, you got this. Then I have inspiring things and affirmations in a stack of my favorite books. And so I do the same thing and I think it's so important. And I've got Post-it notes as well.

Yes.

And I'm the same. I like having a nice place to work. But I also, I don't know if you do this, when I start sometimes to get stressed or overwhelmed, or I find myself in my closet rearranging and cleaning out my closet and I have to stop myself and say, okay, wait a minute. what's really going on? Why am I cleaning out and rearranging my closet? What needs to be rearranged in my life instead of my closet? Because that's kind of a coping thing I noticed I'll do. And so a lot of times I'm like, okay, wait, I don't need to be, you know, cleaning off, dusting my shoes in my closet. I need to be taking action steps on building that next course instead. And I think that's so I think it's important to have that clean desk, have clarity. I even write out what my intentions are for the day, what my goals are. I think that's— if we write things out, then we can take action steps to do to reach our goals.

Yeah. You know what? It boils down to one thing, Amberly. It boils down to honoring yourself. It really boils down to honoring yourself. And that was the talking to myself that I gave myself with with the smoking, because I was looking and it's like, it's a reward at the end of the day.

Uh-huh.

Oh, you know, and it's not a reward. I'm hurting myself. You know, you, you really have to start questioning your behaviors, and, and it's really honoring yourself. What are you putting in, in your head? What are you putting in your mouth?

What are you putting on your body?

Everything. I mean, you know, going in your closet, maybe You needed to clean out your closet so you can put on clothes that make you feel better. I don't know, because, you know, you and I, we can get into like, if it's not about work and it's not about being productive, then that's a waste of time. Well, no, it's all about balance too, right? Because your soul and your spirit need things other than work, work, work. Like we were talking about, I said I'm taking myself away for 4 days. I— my spirit needs to play and have fun and be in a different environment and surrounded by just beautiful vineyards and Central Coast, and that's where I'm going, and I'm honoring that. You know, I could say I've got too much to do, but you know what, I know that I'm gonna reset, and when I come back, it's gonna be like a clean canvas, and I'm gonna like go at it with even more energy and passion and enthusiasm than I am right now.

And I think I'm, I'm so happy you brought that up. I mean, my post that I did today was all about mom guilt and balance and what's really important in life. You know, I got in bed last night with my daughter and we have our cuddle time and we have time where we talk about what was the best thing that happened today and what is one thing you're grateful for. So we kind of end our day with gratitude as well. And so she rolled over and she said, mom, I need attention. And I was like, Oh, I've been working a lot, which is, you know, I've— it's easy to become a workaholic when you love your work and when your office is now in your home. So it's really creating that balance and the boundaries. And, you know, I came downstairs one day and I was on my phone doing something, and Ruby was like, come on, let's go for a scooter ride. And I said, Ruby, I'm working right now. I got to get this done. And she goes, well, if you're working, go in your office. And I was like, oh, good point there you got, Missy.

Wow.

And so I feel like we learn so much from our children. She taught me. She said, I need attention. And so instead of, you know, having that mom guilt, I'm like, I am not gonna let my guilt rob my joy. Instead, I'm just going to spend some time with her.

You asked the question. Don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer.

Exactly.

Let me tell you something. I'm a single mom, Amberly, and it's like I've had that. And truly—

how old's your daughter?

12.

12.

Okay, so my son is almost 17. When, when she becomes 16, 17, she's driving and stuff and you hardly ever see her, there's going to be a pain in your heart going, it's really over, you know?

Well, I have a 25-year-old.

Huh? So I have a 25-year-old.

Oh, that's right. So you've already, you've already been through.

I know that day is coming. So that's why I am like soaking in all the moments that I have with her in the coming months.

Maybe you need to hire some help, delegate. Time to delegate, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you know what, for people like you and I, that, that's a challenge.

But you know what, you don't want to like put your head in the sand when it when it comes to your family or things that are important to you.

Yeah, and, and it's, it's so true. You ask and you get the answer, and it's what I needed to hear. So this morning I did delegate. You know, I've hired someone who's amazing to work alongside me, and it's scary when you're like, okay, here are all my passwords. And this morning I actually told her, I was like, I have a really crazy day and I said, I need your help, can you go through my emails? And that's a huge growing experience for me to go to turn it over. Like, okay, I'm delegating, I'm turning that over, and I gotta trust that everything's gonna be okay. It takes a lot of trust.

Mm-hmm.

But if I want to have time with my daughter and be the lunch lady and help her with homework, That's, that's— and be a working mom. That's what you have to do.

That's what you have to do. And you know, it's temporary. It's temporary, Amberly. You know that. You know what I mean?

It's, it's not forever.

Mm-hmm.

And you know, one thing my husband's really good about is not reminding me not to take things too seriously and to enjoy life more.

Yes, exactly.

Have fun. Like, don't get so— when I look back at things I'm doing, I'm like, Why was I so nervous and worked up about that, that thing that I had to do? I could have just had fun instead. Like, choose joy.

How about enjoying the process? Okay, this is something I got to remind myself all the time. When I get there, I'll be able to relax a little bit more.

When I get there—

Then you'll always be chasing.

You always, you always do it because you know what? I am there where I was striving to be a year ago. Have I slowed down? No. I, if anything, I'm stepping on the gas even more.

But you know what?

No, it's like, that's why I think it's really important. Time blocking is really important. That's helped me a lot, Amberly. It's like, you know, this is the time for work. This is my downtime. This is the time for my son. This is the time I get on the phone with my best girlfriend at the end of the day to like kind of recap the day and connect. Otherwise the day really can get away from you. So, and it's a balancing act.

I mean, it is.

It's really—

it is.

I mean, that is probably— living in the gray is probably the most difficult. It's very easy to live in white or black, but living in the gray— but you know what? The first step is always awareness.

Okay?

So being aware of your thoughts, being aware of your self-talk, and seeing what's in front of you. How's your life? You know, there's a saying, if you don't like what your life looks like, start paying attention to what you're thinking.

Mm-hmm.

Right?

And to the people that you're surrounding yourself with.

Oh, definitely. Because I went through that. I shared that with you. This year I had to cut out 6 people that were like my inner circle. I left myself with one. And that was a process because I was like, what? I go to pick up the phone. I'm like, oh no, I'm not talking to that person anymore. And then what happened, you know, there's clichés for a reason. You know, when God closes one door, he opens another one. It took a while because I think God, the universe wanted me to sit and just be with myself for a while. And now, like you, I mean, the doors are opening to the tribe that my soul has been calling. And that, you know, I have no hatred, no anger, nothing to the people that I'm no longer, you know, involved with. I just— our energies didn't match anymore. We weren't going the same place anymore, you know, and, and you just recognize that for what it is. And I think a lot of people do this. They stay in a relationship where it's not suited for them anymore. They hang around the same people because it's familiar, and then they wonder why they're not growing and why their life is not moving forward, you know. Yeah, the people is exactly—

And it's so true, you know, we, we, we grow and evolve, and sometimes other people stay Stuck.

Yes.

You know, and I want to keep growing and evolving. I want to just keep— that's to me, I love learning and growing. I've, you know, you get resistance when you have people that you're not hanging out with anymore.

You—

they might try to make you feel bad, you know.

Exactly. Yeah, that does. If you're moving forward, I mean, think about it. I, I've been there. If somebody was moving forward and I wasn't doing the work to move forward, I'd rather spend my energy talking badly about them. I'm just being transparent, you know. I'd find every reason to make them wrong and me right. And, you know, you could just take that energy and put it into yourself and do what they're doing. There's also a saying: if you, if you're not willing to do what that other person did to get there, then shut your mouth, no matter what it is.

Yeah.

Right?

So, uh, it's true. But, uh, you can't, you can't be pitiful and powerful at the same time. Joyce Meyer. That's a— I love that saying.

Oh, I love her.

I didn't tell her.

I didn't tell her.

I love her. And powerful at the same time. Well, I always say you get to choose. You can either be the victim or you can be the victor.

Love it.

And you know what? I think we need to choose to be the victor. And I think so many of the Tips that you have shared are so helpful. Thank you so much.

My pleasure.

That's what I just adore you, and I love every time I get to talk to you, and I love your book. I've got parts highlighted and pages bent. Tell people where they can find your book and reach out to you.

Okay, my book's on Amazon, uh, so the name of the book is The Domino Effect, uh, Fear Versus Faith. And best way, you can go to my website, but you know what, email would probably be the best. tinamarks, uh, with an X, um, tv@gmail.com.

Okay, awesome. And if you're, you know, out doing cardio or something and can't write that down, don't worry, this will be in the show notes. You know what, watch her Instagram too, @tinamarks on Instagram.

Yes, I'm gonna— I'm having Amberly on.

Oh yeah, that's—

You're on, you're just waiting. That was the person I said I fired over the weekend and then rehired over the weekend, was my video editor. So it's a little backed up, but I think you're like 4th in the queue. So I think in the next 2 weeks or so it's going to be released, but I'll, I'll be promoting it on my Instagram, which is Tina period Marks, M-A-R-X. You can follow me there, and my YouTube channel is Tina Marks TV.

Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Grit and Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends.

That would help too.

If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to amberlylago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable resource. Yes, you can. Gratitude Journal, and you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next week.