Giving Yourself Grace When Things Get Tough

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert and bestselling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace.

Hey, and welcome back to True Grit and Grace. I'm Amberly Lago. I'm so grateful to be here, truly grateful to be here, and so grateful that you're here. I'm on day 15 of kicking this virus's butt. And, you know, I still can't taste or smell. I'm still pretty weak. Feels like when I just do a light workout, it just feels like a marathon. But more than anything, I am so grateful to be here. I'm so grateful for this community, and this experience has shown me how important it is to have this community. I don't know if I could have gotten through this last few weeks— or 15 days, actually, it feels like a lifetime— without some of you amazing friends, doctors, some people that I've only met through social media that have reached out, that have been there for me. And I wanted to share some of the things that, that have really helped me get through this time. Because I, you know, I can get through some painful situations. I can get through tough times. I have a lot of mental toughness. I have healthy habits. I have a lot of faith and I hang on to hope. I needed all of that and a lot more through these past couple of weeks. And I just want to kind of share what has helped me in hopes that if you're going through a hard time, or God forbid you get this virus or the Delta variant like I got, it will help you. Now, I was vaccinated. I chose to get vaccinated because after a lot of, you know, consideration, talking to my doctors, My pain specialist, my orthopedic surgeon. It was really my grandmother who's 95, and she said, well, Amberly, I think I'd rather take my chances with this vaccine than I would COVID. I said, you know what, Granny, you're right. I think I'm gonna just— I'm gonna take the vaccine. Well, I'm one of the lucky ones that got COVID anyway, or Delta variant or whatever the heck, you know. And it has taken every bit of grit and grace to get through it. I, like I said, I can get through some pretty tough challenges. I can get through a lot of pain. The thing that scared me the most is the brain fog. So I might be a little bit slow recording this. I don't have big plans. I have taken a little bit of notes that I didn't want to forget. The brain fog is real. I don't get scared easily, but I have to say the brain fog scared me because I had some edits to turn in for an upcoming book that I'm a part of. I wasn't able to do the edits. I could barely return an email. And so there's a time to push through and there's a time when we have to give ourselves the grace and ask our bodies and ourselves what it is we need the most. So I'm going to go over some things that I really learned from this situation that I hope will help you, whether you're going through a hard time, you're struggling with what's going on in current events, or any challenge that you might be facing. And then I want to go over some mental toughness, 8 points that really help me on a daily basis. But first of all, I think we all have to listen to our intuition, whether you're pro-vaccination, you're not for it, whether you conspiracy theory, where— whatever your political beliefs are. Look, I'm all about just listening to what you think is right for you. And more than ever, I think there's a lot of noise out there, and I think we have to be quiet and listen to our guts, listen to our intuition. And we know the way, we just have to get quiet and listen. I also want to remind you And I'm reminding myself of this right now too, that it's okay to rest and take some time off to recover. As an entrepreneur, I was like, oh my gosh, what am I going to do? I've got to get this podcast out. I have to post things on social media. I have to train clients. I have to coach my clients. I have my mastermind going, all the things. I had interviews. I was, I was actually, I'm supposed to be in Utah right now. a mastermind. I was able to still show up for my own mastermind. And luckily, I think that, you know, I've got such an incredible team. I would not have been able to get a podcast out if it weren't for them. So thank you, Christine. Thank you, Iroquia. Thank you, my assistant Maddie, for helping me through this. I think it's also really important to pay attention to what's important. What really deserves your energy? And I think when you don't have energy and you're barely getting by, it becomes very clear what deserves your energy. And I think it's important to write those things down because somehow we can get on autopilot and think that everything deserves our attention and we're just pulled in a million different directions and we're caught up doing all these different things. But it's so important to remember that I really had to think, oh my goodness, I can barely walk up and down the stairs. How am I going to get through the day? Um, what's most important? And I think it's important that when— not to think of those things when we're sick and barely hanging on by a thread, but in our day-to-day lives so we don't get sick. And I'm, I'm gonna say, a lot of people have asked, well, how'd you get sick? And you know, your husband and your daughter, they didn't get sick. Well, how'd you get sick? And I can tell you right now, it's because I was not getting enough sleep. I was eating pretty healthy. I was taking my supplements, but I was not getting enough sleep. I was not getting enough rest. I was Not getting enough exercise, probably not taking enough supplements. And so this has been a game changer for me. I am sleeping more no matter what. I don't think that we have to keep hustle, hustle, hustle, grit, grit, grit. I think we have to give ourselves the gift of grace in order to keep our immunity strong. I also think that, you know, we have to let go of our ego. You know, ego means edging God out and getting caught up in how things look and everything's supposed to be a certain way. Let me tell you, I've had more conversations with God in the past couple of weeks than I have in a long time. And I really had to get out of my ego. And, you know, I had a lot of people say, oh, well, don't tell people you're sick. You don't want people to know you're sick. And you know what? I just can't do that. I have to keep it real. And I really feel like by sharing that I was sick on my Instagram post is how I got a lot of help from a lot of people that I barely knew, but a lot of people that I trusted in the industry of health and wellness. And so I think that it's important to get out of our ego, yes, and do what's right for ourselves. But I think it's also important to keep it real. And if you don't, I'm not saying go out there and share with the world. I always say share from a scar and not an open wound. Now, I was kind of sharing from an open wound, but I like keeping it real. Maybe I say too much sometimes, but I feel like when we can share even our vulnerabilities, it leads us to deeper connections and more meaningful relationships. And I think it's okay not to Be okay. You know, we're only human. We can't be strong all the time. I'll never forget something my grandmother said. She said— I had told her, I said, Granny, you're so strong. And she said, yeah, Amberly, but it's hard to be strong all the time. So I'm here to tell you, you don't have to be strong all the time. You just have to really take care of yourself and do what's right for you. Also, I will say that communication is key. I mean, this was really tough on my relationship with my husband. I'm gonna just keep it real again. I don't know if he listens to the podcast, so he probably won't hear this. But, you know, when I first felt bad, I was like, oh, I feel like I have the flu. I hope this isn't COVID. Told my husband, I'm going to take a test. I took the rapid test. I went into the urgent care and I said, hey, look, I can't taste or smell. I'm feeling pretty sick. I, I just want to make sure I don't have COVID. He— I took the rapid test, it came back negative. And my doctor called and he said, you know what, it came back negative, but I think that you have COVID. I would isolate, come back in a couple of days and test again. And my husband was like, See, it's negative. You're not sick. Keep going. By the way, take Ruby to school. Do this, do that. You know, what's for dinner? All these things. And I was like, okay, I'm not sick. I mean, I feel like hell, but I'm going to just keep pushing. I'm not sick. I'm not sick. Well, I was feeling horrible. So 2 days later, I went back, took the P—

PRC.

Is that what it's called? The PCR? Whatever that test is. The test that it takes about a day and a half to 2 days to get test results back. Took that. I was in the car with my husband and daughter, and we were about to go to dinner. You know, I'm still listening to my husband who's like, you're not sick, we can go out, come on, suck it up. And I get a call from the doctor, and he was so kind. And you know what, compassion and kindness goes so far. He said in the kindest, most compassionate voice, he said, Amberly, you've got the Delta variant. You're, you're sick. You need to really take this seriously. You need to rest. And I said, well, I'm out. I'm in the car right now. He said, you need to go home. You need to take some supplements. You need to rest. And he said it in a way— I think when someone's very kind and compassionate, That it just makes you feel like they're giving you a hug. So I felt supported, I felt seen, I felt heard for the first time, and I wasn't freaked out because he wasn't freaked out and he was so kind. And so then it led me into, okay, I'm in acceptance for where I am right now. I've got this thing. What are some of the things that I can do next. And so that's when I was so grateful that I had a lot of friends reach out. And I think part of being in acceptance was I, you know, wrote out a post and I was like, I'm in this situation, I'm not really sure what to do. Um, anybody out there kick COVID's butt and they can give me some advice? And I had over 1,000 comments from so many of you and DMs and text messages, um, from so many people that really truly helped me. My friend Akemi Sue Fisher reached out and she's like, call this doctor, fill out this form. When you have it, let me know. I'm gonna help you. My friend Leah Amico was like, Did you get help yet? Because I have a doctor that will help you. My friend Vanessa LaBarca called me. She is like, I have got help for you. My friend Nicole Mixdorf dropped off some doTERRA supplements on my doorstep. My friend Rosie Acosta. My friend— oh my goodness, the list goes on. My friend Kate. My friend Jennifer. My friend Henry. My friend Pamela that reached out every day. She did a sound bath healing. For me, Meditating with Animals. Check her out on Instagram. She's also been on the podcast. My friend Kate Alexander helped me with the edits. Maddie, Christina, and Orochia, um, on my team. I wouldn't have been able to get this out there. Dr. Song, who was on episode 61, sent me supplements. Leah Amico, who's on episode 15, Just helped me so much. So you guys, community is powerful. I think I talk a lot about resilience, but I think that in order to be resilient, we really have to pay close attention to who we're hanging out with. I mean, I feel so grateful and so blessed, but it takes reaching out. It takes reaching out and being of service to others. And when you're good to people, people are good to you. And so this makes me just want to be good to people and be kind to people. I think true blue friends are found when you're going through your hardest times, and treasure them and thank them. And, and y'all know who you are. And stick with a gratitude practice, y'all. I mean, as hard as it was and as sucky as it was, Gratitude is alchemy. And y'all know I talk about gratitude a lot, but I have a gratitude practice. I have a, a God squad of sober sisters that I reach out to and a couple of friends that I reach out to every single day. And I will share this app with you. I'm not affiliated with this at all. I don't get paid to share this. I don't get paid for anything for my podcast. I do it, um, all because I want to be of service. So anything I mention, I'm not getting paid to mention this stuff. I just want you to know that. But a lot of you know I'm sober, and I have a lot of different tools that help keep me sober. And thankfully, I did not want to drink throughout this journey. But one thing that helps me— and you don't have to be in a recovery program or sober to do this, but it's, it's just a really quick, easy way to, to keep a gratitude practice. It's an app called My Toolkit, and it's for— I'll, I'll put the link in the show notes. And it basically, it gives you tools. There are a couple of prayers that I love that it gives you. And if you're sober, it's awesome because it counts down how long you've been sober. I'm going to do a whole other episode about that, by the way. Um, just, just saying that, keeping myself accountable. But it has part of the app, and I don't know, I think it's like $10 a year or something, but you can actually, in part of the tools, you can journal, you can do a spot check inventory, and you can have a gratitude list. And it allows you to save this list of gratitude, and then it allows you to share that gratitude list with your friends. So it makes it quick and easy. So that's something that I've done. And on days when I was struggling and I was feeling crappy, I would see one of my sober sisters who has gone through cancer. And I'm like, dude, I'm gonna get through COVID. I can't smell or taste and I feel like crap, but my girlfriend has cancer and going through cancer treatments. And not to compare, but it really just puts things in perspective. And that's what gratitude can really do for you is put things in perspective. And, you know, I will tell you that, you know, I just shared a tweet on Twitter. I'm not on Twitter a lot, but I did share on Twitter today. I'm trying to get on there more. And I said, gratitude helps us stop trying to control outcomes. It's the key that unlocks positive energy in our lives. It's the alchemy that turns problems into blessings and the unexpected into gifts. And so I really encourage you to start that, that gratitude. I know I say it a lot, but I'm telling you, it's a life changer. And so now I would love to share some of the mental toughness secrets, secret weapons that I use. There's just 8, and I'll go over them quickly. So You can practice these to help you stay mentally tough, whether you're going through a hard time, whether you're in the middle of kicking COVID's butt right now like me, or, um, just dealing with the world today. So first, I talk about this a lot. To be mentally tough, you really need to be in acceptance for where you are on your journey. And look, I know that's easier said than done. For me, it was one of the hardest things to do. And I really learned acceptance when I was diagnosed with CRPS, and I was in denial, and I wasn't taking my medication, and I was getting worse and worse and worse. And I ended up in ICU more than once. And that's what really— I think the last time in ICU where the doctor was like, if you would have waited one more day, you would have died, is what really was scarier than anything I'd ever been through. It was scarier than getting hit by an SUV while riding my motor— motorcycle. It was scarier than every single surgery that I went through, was being told that I basically had control over the situation and I wasn't listening to my body. And it— I ended up in the ICU because of my stubbornness and not being in acceptance and, you know, not taking the medication that was needed to get better and being in denial. So look, I know acceptance is hard, but really stop to think what is going on in your life right now. What are some habits that maybe you have that aren't the best for you? What are some things that you're doing that are stopping you from achieving your goals? What are some things that you're doing that that are causing you to not be the healthiest version of yourself. Maybe that's, you know, by sabotage— sabotaging yourself by, you know, binge eating. I used to do that.

I was there.

Um, maybe that's drinking a little bit too much. I was doing that too. I turned into an alcoholic. I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic now, but Look, it really takes a good hard look at yourself to get through some of those challenges, but to really start looking at what you can do to take action to be the best version of yourself. So when I finally found out, okay, yep, I'm positive for this virus, okay, what can I do next? I got radical about taking some supplements. And if you want to know what I took that really helped me, just text me. I don't know, I don't want to say a bunch of stuff because I know you're getting— I'm not a doctor. But I will be happy to share with you what I took that I radically saw a difference in the way that I felt. And within 48 hours, I was able to start working out again. So text me at 818-214-7378. And I'm telling you, it's me texting you. So if it takes me a little bit to get back to you, I will get back to you because I really want to connect with you, but it might just take a little minute, especially since I'm not all the way there yet. I'm getting there, and my brain fog is definitely improving. But be in acceptance for where you are, and it's not— it's not defeat. It's not accepting that, you know, something's wrong with you, or— That's kind of the story I was telling myself, and I switched that to No, acceptance is, okay, I'm owning this. This is where I am, and this is what I'm going to do about it. I can take action steps. It really puts you in the driver's seat, and it makes you the victor and not the victim. So number 2, mentally tough people really, they're so good at choosing very carefully what they focus their attention on. Y'all, it's so important to focus your attention on what is going good in your life. And I'm going to tell you something that really helped. This is kind of silly, but maybe it'll help you. So I just posted kind of a sizzle reel on my Instagram. And at first, that sizzle reel, I'm like, oh, I don't know if I want to post this because people are going to think I'm kind of bragging about all these things that I've accomplished. But let me tell you why I posted it, because at the time that I saw that— so Arokia, who does my videos for me, he sent that to me at a time when I was laying in the bed feeling like crap, feeling like I wasn't far enough along, like I wasn't getting enough done, feeling like, oh my gosh, here's one more day that I'm not able to work. Here's another interview that I have to cancel. Here's another trip I have to cancel. All these things. I was feeling poopy. And I opened up my email, or he— Iroquia sent me this video, and it was a sizzle reel, and it reminded me of all the things that I have done. So it immediately put my attention on all the good things that I had done, on all the things that I love to do, on all the things that I'm grateful for. So you know what? Why not make a sizzle reel for yourself? Now, this could be just a quick video that you can make on, I don't know, some app like VivaVid or something, of your family, of all the things that you love. Maybe it's, you know, times that you've been at the beach. Maybe it's, you know, messages that people have sent you of things that, that they appreciate about you. Maybe it's your work, maybe it's a sizzle reel of you speaking, maybe it— whatever it is. And when you're feeling low, take a look at that sizzle reel to help you focus on your why, on why you do the things that you do, on why you are fighting the good fight to get better and to get your voice and your message out there. And so number 3, Hang on to hope and have faith in a higher power. I learned this when I was at one of my darkest moments. This is when I woke up out of a coma and I was told I had a 1% chance of saving my leg from amputation, and I chose to focus on that 1%. And that 1% was my glimmer of hope that got me through so many surgeries and months in the hospital and thousands of hours of excruciating pain. And so all we need is a little bit of hope to carry us through. And I can tell you that going through these last couple of weeks, when somebody would message me and just say, hey, I know it's tough, but I made it through. You're going to get through this too. That gave me hope. When I could take a walk around the block and breathe a little bit easier, that gave me hope that I was going to get through. When I had a day where I didn't have to use my inhaler because I've got asthma, that gave me hope I'm getting better. And so hang on to hope. Have so much faith in a higher— I feel like God's always got us. I believe that, you know, sometimes the worst situations, the hardest times, that our suffering is, is not for just meaningless suffering, that there are lessons in, in that suffering, and that our pain does serve a purpose. So hang on to that hope, y'all. Number 4, shift your perspective. The easiest way to shift your perspective Is, I think, through gratitude. And look, mentally strong people know that things are always changing. They also realize it's not necessarily what happens to you, but how you view it. And mentally tough people have learned quickly to shift their perspective quick. And the quickest way to do that, and the easiest way, and the fastest way to feel about your situation is to get grateful. And we've already talked about ways to do that. Now, You know, a lot of people call it counting your blessings or hunting for the good, but really gratitude does help you focus on the things that matter the most, and it turns what you don't have into what you do have. And, and so I think it's really important. So whether you use that gratitude app or whether you just text someone every day, that helps you express gratitude, and it's— it really does shift your perspective. So number 5, y'all, we're almost through these Mentally, mindset, toughness skills that I hope really help you. Number 5, I want you to rely on healthy habits and not willpower. Let me tell you, when you are overtired, when you're over, you know, you're past hunger, when you're angry, when you're overly stressed, your willpower goes out the window. So it's so important to have these healthy habits in place so you, you have, I guess what we call in recovery is, um, SMART feet. And even when you, you don't even have to think about going to a recovery meeting or, you know, logging on to a meeting to stay sober and connect with your community. But I think that healthy habits for me was, you know, I don't I think it would have been really tough to get through this last couple of weeks if I didn't have healthy habits every day of my gratitude practice, of moving my body. Moving my body was— I couldn't— there were days I couldn't do it, but being able to just walk around the block was something that I tried to do every single day, and it was a good way to monitor how I was progressing, how my breathing was. And so So don't rely on your willpower because, like I said, that goes out the window. I think we have to get really back to basics. And so I want to ask you right now, are you eating enough? Are you eating the right things? Are you drinking enough water? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you taking your supplements? Are you moving your body? If you can just do those 5 things, make it a priority. Put it in your calendar. It is going to drastically change your life. Whether you're healthy or sick, it will improve your life. Number 6, practice true commitment. And the way we do this is to focus on your why. And, you know, I think that being committed, a lot of times it's, it's, it's hard when you're not feeling good. When you're feeling a little like you've been thrown off track or completely derailed. But when you focus on your why, you can get through almost anyhow. So I think it's really important to focus on your why. Write it down, affirm it, share it. Number 7, exude true confidence, which is sometimes hard when you're not feeling real confident. But it's important to do things to build your confidence. I think our confidence can get knocked right out of us. And if you listen to episode, I think it's episode 4 with Heather Monahan, who is the confidence queen, she on the True Grit and Grace podcast walks you through how to build your confidence. But you know, Henry Ford once said, whether you think you can or you think You can't. You're right. Research shows that confident people accomplish more of their goals. And to be more confident, it takes moving forward despite all the odds. It takes taming our inner critic. It takes doing hard things and making sure that you celebrate your small victories along the way. And I mean, y'all, my small victory was like, Oh my gosh, today's a good day. I can actually look at that laundry pile and think, I can tackle that today. I can look at the 100 emails and go, I think I can read those today. And it's celebrating these small wins along the way. I was like, oh, I actually got— I did one interview today. I did something like celebrating Celebrate those things. And you know, there's— I have John Acuff coming on the podcast soon, and Lordy help me, I hope that the interview sounds okay because I actually interviewed him on day like 7 of being sick. I had a fever, my eyes were bloodshot, but it took me months to get him on the show. And he talks about soundtracks and the things, those thoughts that go through our head. And so I heard from him that, you know, if you listen to any thought long enough, it becomes a part of your personal playlist. So pay attention to what you're telling yourself over and over and make sure you're not listening to a broken soundtrack. And I realized I was listening to a lot of broken soundtracks, like, oh, I feel horrible. Oh, I'm sick. It's like, no, every day I am healing. I am healthy. I'm getting stronger. My sense of smell is coming back. I think I can taste food. Like all these things I'm telling myself. And I want you to ask yourself, when you hear something in your head, ask yourself, is it helpful? Is it true? And is it kind? Because a lot of times we can say, okay, is it helpful? Well, yeah, that might, that might be helpful. Is it true? Well, it might sort of kind of be true. But is it kind? Most of the time, my thoughts, my inner critic, they're not very kind, and it's not even something I would tell one of my best friends. So pay attention to those things and switch those things. Stop telling yourself those negative things. Give your, your, you know, give yourself a chance to DJ a better soundtrack. And also, one of my favorite things to do when I'm not feeling confident is to remember How far I've come. So remember one of the, you know, hardest things you've ever got— been able to get through. Think about that time, and if you can get through that time, well, shoot, you can get through the challenge that you might be going through right now. And the last thing is community. And I've talked about this a little bit already, but I can't stress enough how important it is to have community, to really love your tribe and love them hard. I'm so grateful for you listening to this podcast. You have made this podcast top 1% globally on Apple. So thank you for listening. If there was one part of this episode or any parts of this episode that you feel like helped you, Please share it. Please write a review. That always helps too. And so I just thank you for being here and thank you for just your support on this journey. And really what I want you to remember is, you know, if we choose to do hard things, life becomes easy. If you choose to do easy things, Life becomes hard. There are no quick fixes. It really takes sometimes doing the things that are hard. Look, I know that sometimes moving our body or exercising is hard. I know meditating is hard. I know that eating healthy is sometimes hard. I know that it's sometimes hard to stick to taking supplements. But you know what? It sure is a heck of a lot easier than a life of misery. Grit and resilience and mental toughness aren't found, they are forged. You're not born with a warrior mindset, you build it. Resilience helps you to thrive and mental toughness really helps you to prosper. So I hope that these mental toughness tips truly help you prosper. And I'm going to leave you with one of my favorite prayers. It's the Serenity Prayer. And if you're going through a tough time right now, this always helps me. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And so I am sending you loads of love and strength. Y'all stay healthy, stay listening to your own gut and your intuition, and keep shining your light. Okay. Love you lots. Thank you for being here.

Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Grit and Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it, Or share it with your friends.

That would help too.

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