How Resilience is Built

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert and bestselling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace.

Thank you for being here.

I really appreciate you tuning in. I think we have all had our fair share of challenges, disappointments, and in the new year, gosh, I think we just need to start off with some positive habits, a set of goals, and some new dreams, and to go bigger and play bigger. I think the message of resilience is truly what we all need most as we enter 2021. So I really hope you'll join me for Brooke Hemingway's Align Resilience virtual event. I'm so excited to share the secrets to tapping into your superpower of resilience and thriving no matter what life throws your way, no matter if things don't go as planned, that you can still have the life that you have always imagined. Some of my good friends, closest friends, and people who I really love and look up to are going to be at the event as well. So Samantha Harris will be there. Trent Shelton will be there. Tiffany Peterson. So go to amberlylago.com under events, and you can find more information about Align Resilience and really start the new year with clarity, goals, and tools to be more resilient. And I have some exciting news. I am doing my very first virtual book club. I'm, I'm teaming up with High Tide and we're doing our very first true Grit and Grace Book Club, and it's not just like any old book club where you read a book. This is 28 days of micro lessons to generate more gratitude, to discover self compassion, and the secrets to resilience and to being more resilient and thriving. So you're going to have in the book club, you know, your daily companion course. You'll be able to connect with like-minded people. You'll have support. And accountability and Q&A with me. We're going to meet on Zoom. There'll be plenty of time to connect and ask questions, and it's going to be real-time lessons as we do this together. So again, go to amberlylago.com under events, and you can find the True Grit and Grace Book Club with High Tide that I'm doing. And if you have any questions, you can always text me. at 818-214-7378 and reach out, ask me any questions about either one of these events. And I really want to start this new year off together because together we're stronger. Together we are unstoppable. Now let's get on to the show.

Welcome to a new season of True Grit and Grace. I'm Amberly, and I'm excited about this season because it's going to be all about mind, body, and spirit transformation. We are going to talk about resilience, how to build your resilience and get more intentional. Look, I am in LA. Everybody is still really locked down. Actually, LA, we are the epicenter for COVID right now. And so I think, you know, last year was really about being locked down and being safe. And I am all for being safe. But I think we have to keep expanding our vision beyond our circumstances. So I don't want you to give up. I don't want you to give in. And I want to give you some different things that you can do every day to make sure that you're staying resilient with your body, with your mind, and with your spirit. And I think the kind of resilience we all need right now, it's going to take a lot of psychological stamina. And that is really based on our emotional patterns shaped by our needs and our experiences. and the stories that we tell ourselves daily. I've been studying resilience for a long time. I didn't go to some fancy university. Instead, I've learned in the messy, sometimes heartbreaking, challenging halls of life. And one thing that I know for sure is that we can strengthen our resilience. There are ways to get through some of the toughest times, and we're going to get through this. And so I wanted to give you a few things that you can do for your mind, for your body, and for your spirit so that you can be more resilient. So no matter what life throws your way, no matter that we're going through this pandemic, that you can still keep your spirits burning, shining bright, and really reach your dreams. So first thing I do really is I think a resilient body starts with a resilient mindset. And so every day, if I didn't wake up and have a morning ritual, I think I would be— I feel like there's so many distractions out there. I feel like there's so many shiny objects and there's new apps and new social media like Clubhouse. And I'm constantly getting those pings to join this group or join that. And it feels like a lot. And so I think that if you start your day with a morning ritual and start getting very intentional and really looking at your why and your purpose and that you're going to be able to be more resilient with your mind. So first of all, as soon as that alarm goes off in the morning, I say a prayer. And a prayer is really an intention. It's connecting your heart to your higher power. And I always say, one of my good friends, Shannon, she always says, let Gus drive the bus. Gus meaning—

God.

God, universe, spirit. So let Gus drive the bus. You don't have to do it alone. Ask for help. That was always something that was kind of hard for me is just asking for help. But just know, no matter where you are, you're never alone. Your higher power, who I call God, is always with you. So the first way I start my day in the morning is I say a prayer and I get grateful and I get grounded with that gratitude and wake up. So I not only get intentional with a prayer, I journal and I write down what are my priorities, what are my intentions for the day, what am I grateful for? Because there is something very healing about taking those thoughts and taking them from your mind and putting them on paper. And then I say it out loud, affirm it. What are your intentions? And I have learned to talk to myself more than I listen to myself. Meaning I say those positive affirmations because, man, my self-talk, I can be the queen of the imposter syndrome and think, oh my goodness, I'm so nervous about this event I have coming up. Who am I to get up on that stage and speak? Who am I to be talking on this podcast episode right now? But if I learn to do these positive affirmations, and that can be something as simple as You got this. Immediately take that negative comment that you're telling yourself, or that, that whatever it is that you're hearing your inner voice say, that inner critic, and replace it with something positive. And sometimes that's just as simple for me as, you got this, or let it go. Keep it simple. And another thing, you know, resilient people realize that things aren't always going to go as planned. In fact, things rarely go as planned. They really focus on what they can control and what lessons they can take away from what they've gone through. So just last month, my 12-year-old daughter Ruby and I were on a scooter ride. Since she's in homeschooling and can't see her friends, I've become her little scooter buddy, her barn buddy. We go to the barn and we're able to play with the horse and twister, TikTok buddy, dance buddy, you name it, we're buddies. And we were out on a scooter ride. Going through a crosswalk when a car plowed right into us. And luckily we were thrown across the intersection instead of rolled over. And as we're being— and it was scary, I won't, you know, go into gory details— but as we're getting, you know, transported to the hospital and we're in the back of the ambulance and she's on the gurney and I'm okay, well enough to sit up in the ambulance, I I immediately thought, what do I— what am I learning from this? What did I not learn before? Because I've been hit by a car 2 other times, once on my bicycle and once on my motorcycle. And when I was hit on my motorcycle, it was not as easy as this last time. But I immediately thought, what am I learning from it? I didn't think, why did this happen to me? Why me? Poor me. I thought, What, what do I need to learn from this? What can I take away from this? And when we got to the hospital, oh, I was so filled with gratitude. Once the CAT scan got back and we knew that Ruby's brain was okay because she hit her head so hard, that it was just cuts and scrapes, and we got through the x-rays and there was not— miraculously, we had not one broken bone. I was so grateful. And I kept telling the nurses and the doctors, I'm so grateful that we're okay. It could have been so much worse. And I focused so much on being grateful. And that might seem kind of funny that we just got hit by a car and I was filled with gratitude. But when you're in gratitude, there's no space. There's no room for fear or anxiety. I could have gone there. I could have gone down. And I was a little angry afterwards because I was like, mama bear came out and a car just hit my daughter. But I really focused on gratitude. And so I think, you know, to get grounded in gratitude, it really shifts your perspective. It's not necessarily what's happening or what our circumstances are. It's how we view them. And as we got released from the hospital, I know Ruby felt this too, because we are walking, well, kind of hobbling out of the hospital. And Ruby said, Mama, We rolled in here on a gurney and we are walking out. We are like champions. And I was like, you are right. I was like, we are so blessed. We are so blessed. And so it is all how you look at that situation. So if you can start your day with your intention and a prayer and being grateful, write down what you are grateful for. And then accountability. Have an accountability partner. I text my accountability buddy every single morning. I take a screenshot of something that I have read Either in a self-development book or a daily reflections book or a spiritual book. I screenshot it. I send that to her and I text her 3 things that I'm grateful for. Because then you start to really think about, well, what is it? Because sometimes, look, it's not always easy to be grateful. It's not always easy to work out. It's not always easy to meditate. It's not always easy to eat healthy and do yoga and, and read books and write down a gratitude list. But it is a hell of a lot easier than living a life of misery. And I promise you, if you start doing these daily actions, this daily ritual, you will see your life change. If you get grateful every single day, you are going to see more blessings will come into your life. So then I also want to talk about having a resilient body. You know, people ask me all the time. I would say one of the top questions that I get asked is, Well, how do you move your body every day? How do you stay fit when you have a nerve disease dubbed the suicide disease because it's ranked highest on the pain scale? I have CRPS and doctors said I was going to be completely disabled. I needed to stay in my wheelchair. And other people say, well, how do you do it? How do you move? And I always say this: start where you are, use what you have, and do what you can. So yes, there are days that I can't necessarily do as much with my leg. I have CRPS, the nerve disease, in my right leg. And so I work out my upper body or I do what I can on my bike. And I, you know, I've had people say, well, you know, the gyms are closed. I can't really work out. Well, let me tell you, 2020 was the year that I was leg pressing furniture. I was lifting, doing bicep curls with detergent bottles. I was at the barn doing squats while I was holding Bubba the goat. Like, do what you can with what you got. And so we quickly turned our garage into a gym and we ordered weights back in March and they finally came to us. And I remember thinking, wow, they're not going to get here until July or August. The pandemic will be done by then. Maybe we should cancel that order. They were really expensive, but we kept it. And here we are in January and we're still in a pandemic. So Don't wait until things or your circumstances, you think, oh, it's going to get better. Do what you can right now and make your situation better. So if you don't have any weights, luckily there are so many YouTube videos out there. You can find all kinds of exercises that you can do. It's literally limitless to what you can do with no weights and just your body. Um, If you're hurting too bad, what I've learned is if you do a little movement, even if that means standing up and lifting your arms out to the side and taking a deep breath, or if that means doing some stretches or some gentle yoga, if you move your body, it moves your mood. It releases endorphins, and endorphins combat pain. Focus on how it's going to make you feel afterwards versus, ugh, I have to move and I hurt and I'm scared I'm going to hurt worse. Focus on what it is going to do for your body. I feel grateful that I have been a fitness trainer for 23 years because I knew even stuck in my hospital bed, and doctors thought I was a nutball, and I am a little, okay, a lot crazy. But I knew even in the hospital bed when I was bedridden and I couldn't even use the bathroom on my own, I knew if I could just do some dumbbells, some curls, or anything I could to keep my upper body strong, it was going to build my confidence. It was going to make me feel capable. It was going to make— work on my self-worth and make me feel like I was moving in the right direction. You don't have to do a big, long 1-hour workout. Even if you do 10 minutes, there are some days that I only do, you know, I wake up and I try to move my body. Well, when I can in the morning. I— and everybody's morning routine is different because I used to wake up and throw on my shoes and go for a run. That was the first thing I did. Well, I can't do that anymore because I literally wake up with so much pain that it takes me a couple hours to get moving to where my fused ankle will move a little bit better. I'm not hurting as much. I, I can move slowly and ease myself into the day. And that's just better for my nervous system and the CRPS. So figure out when is best for you. So I wake up, I move around a little bit, then I move my body. But even if, you know, you're saying, well, I can't do anything with my, my lower body, I had doctors install a pull-up bar in my hospital bed and I was doing pull-ups. I have a chin-up bar in my office and in between Zooms. I will do some pull-ups. Now that's pretty new for me. I was used to doing them at the gym and I had not done chin-ups except for like maybe on the occasional tree trunk out on a hike. Since COVID I have to tell you, my strength has decreased a bit. And so I'm keeping myself accountable by sharing every single day on Instagram. You can check out my story at Amberly Lago Motivation. I used to be able to do 8 to 10 chin-ups, and now the first day I did it, I did 4. The second day I did 5. The sixth— the next day I did 6. And so each day I'm getting a little bit stronger. Now, I don't know if I'll be able to do an extra one every single day, but if we just think about increasing our stamina or our resilience or our strength or brightening our spirit 1% each day, That is that little glimmer of hope we need just to keep moving forward. And it is progress, not perfection. Look, perfection isn't possible, but transformation is. And if you do these little things every single day, you are going to see your life transform. And so it is also important. It is not just your mind. It is not just your body. It is your spirit. So find ways to bring joy into your life. It is not the cards that you've been dealt, but it is how you play those cards. And I suggest you play the hell out of those cards. It's up to you. It's your choice on what you're going to do with this year ahead of you. It's your choice on how you're going to expand your spirit. Yes, we may still be locked down. We— things may be closed, but how can you expand your spirit? How can you expand your reach, your voice, your connection? How can you increase that light in you? Um, first of all, I think you really find people who are gonna fan your flames, and you know what I'm talking about. Get rid of the doggy downers and stick with the puppy uppers. I know that might seem harsh, but every year I take an inventory on, on my year, and I, I look at what has brought me joy, what has moved the needle on my business, and what has not been good for me or my soul or my business. It's been a waste of time or a waste of money. And I really look at those things and I try my best to not make that same mistake of doing something that wastes my time. And when I say that, that means things like— You know, I tried a new system out and spent thousands of dollars on creating this new system that just didn't work, or I recorded a podcast interview with someone and they never released the podcast. So although it may have been a great conversation at the time, it was an hour and a half of my time that didn't reach anyone. And so look at those things and learn You know, for me, what are your priorities and what are your values? And when you know your values and you know your priorities, it's easier for you to make those decisions, whether it's the people that you want to surround yourself with, it's the things that you're saying yes to. I think it's really important, and this could be for your mindset too, about getting intentional. I always have a word of the year. Last year my word was resilience. And boy, did we need that resilience. I think we still need that resilience. This year, my word is quality. So I'm focusing on quality relationships, quality time spent, quality, you know, time spent with my family, quality work that I do, quality podcast guests that I have on. And I'm excited that coming up, I've got David Meltzer, Mike C-Rock. I've got Amber Sears. Greg Reed. Oh my gosh, I have so many amazing guests coming on. I feel honored to, to just have them on the show. And so think about what is your word? What's something that is going to fill your heart, that is going to transform your mind, body, and spirit daily? Pick that word that's going to be your guiding force to propel you forward throughout the year. So what can you do to really Lift your spirits. And I say be of service. And some of you might be sitting there going, well, how can I be of service when I'm stuck at home? There are so many things you can do. Look, when I was stuck in a hospital bed for months at a time, I still made phone calls to my clients, to friends. And it can be anything as just being there to listen. And, or just, or asking, how can I be of service? What can I do for you? And I promise you, it fills your heart when you know you can help someone else. And so really focus on those daily rituals. Focus on who you're surrounding yourself with. And for me, that's, I know when my phone rings and I see somebody's name pop up on the screen, if it's like a, oh gosh, what do they want? Maybe that's not the kind of person that I need to have in my life. Maybe that's one of those energy vampires. But if it's a person I'm like, oh my gosh, it's my girlfriend Erica or Wendy or Doug or whoever it may be, I'm like, I can't wait to talk to them. I'm like, those are my kind of people. So really take inventory on what you're making use of, what you're doing with your time, who you're spending your time with. And I hope that these tips really help you to keep moving forward, really help strengthen your resilience. Also, in the show notes, I'm going to add a link. I just created something for you. It's called the Unleash Your Superpower of Resilience, and it walks through my PACER method, and it gives you applicable tools that you can apply into your life right now to really strengthen your resilience, to get more intentional, to get more grateful. And it's got some positive affirmations in there too. So that link is in the show notes. It's also on my Instagram @AmberlyLagoMotivation. You can find it. It's a free download. And I really, you know, my favorite thing to do is give gifts that really come from my heart. So I put a lot of love into this downloadable playbook, and I really hope you enjoy it. And I wanted to remind you, the event is coming up. If you want to feel more aligned and resilient, then come check out Brooke Hemingway's event. It's called Align Resilience 2021. There is also a link in the show notes that is coming up this weekend. So check that out. And if you liked or enjoyed any part of this episode, please screenshot it, share it, tag me @AmberlyLagoMotivation so I can see it and share it, or, or just say thank you and reach out to you. It always means a lot because my goal is to empower as many people, to empower other people to be happy and successful and be resilient. So thank you for listening and happy 2021. Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Grit and Grace podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends. That would help too.

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Bye.