How to Find Strength in Life's Hardest Seasons with Jessica Smith Moyer

What kind of eating disorder was it? And then how did you get through that and heal from it?

Yeah, it's something I don't talk about just because I've had so much more trauma, but it's so legitimate for so many women when they're thinking they're not enough or they're not skinny enough. I was 88 pounds at 5 feet, and I was eating like peanut butter crackers. That was it. And I remember just looking in the mirror and thinking I wasn't skinny enough. So my parents pulled me out. But for me, like, movement and exercise has always been a big part of my identity. But I became a runner, a very competitive runner, and actually ran in college. But that journey of the eating disorder, it always stays with you, Amberly. Like, I'm not about, like, being, like, looking a certain way, but I want to be healthy and fit.

Do you offer tips and advice for others who might have eating disorders?

And so instead of calories, for all those ladies, look at the macros, like how much sugar's in it versus the calories. And what are the ingredients versus focusing so much on the caloric content, because it really doesn't matter. It's really the nutrients you're getting from it. So I would say that's a really good tip for anyone.

What's one simple, real shift someone can make today?

I think just being aware of where you, where you are in life, like where are you sitting in life and how do you feel about yourself? Are you content like with where you are? Because for me, it's all about growth and what's next. But just sitting down and giving yourself an evaluation of What areas of your life do you feel like you can improve upon? You, again, you have to invest in yourself. Hey there.

Thank you so much for tuning in to the Amberly Lago Show. I have a real treat for you today. One of, um, a very, very, very special lady, Jessica Moyer, is here. Um, today's conversation is tender. It's powerful and deeply hope-filled. My guest is someone who doesn't just talk about resilience, y'all. She lives it. Jessica Moyer is a wellness and leadership coach. She's a TEDx speaker, author. Her book, her newest book is on the way here. I should get it, I hope by tomorrow maybe. And she's an incredible woman of faith. She's walked through profound loss, the kind that changes you. And yet she continues to show up with strength, wisdom, and compassion. So today we're talking about grief, faith, leadership, burnout, and what it really means to lead yourself well, body, mind, and spirit. So let me tell you, if you're in a place where, or if you've ever felt like you're exhausted, even broken or unsure on how to keep going, this conversation is for you. So let's dive in. Jessica, welcome to the show.

Thank you. I'm so excited to be here with you.

Oh my goodness. I am so excited to see you. I know you just, you do retreats and you just got back from one of your amazing retreats, and I can't wait to go to one of your retreats soon. And I can't wait to see you soon and hug your neck. Um, we met when I was speaking at an event and actually you were speaking, you got up and you were doing some stuff at the event too. And I got to meet you briefly backstage and then, um, at the VIP dinner. And I just instantly connected with you. And then I learned about your story and we were having fun taking pictures of our books together and stuff like that. And now I've gotten to know you even more because you're in the Unstoppable Life Mastermind and your story is amazing, but your heart is beautiful and how you lead women and how you love so much the people that you coach and the people that you help is just truly inspiring. But for those that don't know you, they're meeting you for the first time, can you tell us a little bit about like, Where you were and how your journey has led you to where you are today, doing these retreats, speaking on stages, uh, writing books and all the things that you're doing.

Yeah. You know, life has a way of showing us our path and I never thought I would be doing what I do today. I always imagined myself as like a stay-at-home mom and I didn't really know what was going to be my future, but all I know is that through all of the trauma and loss I've been through, God has led me to this path of where I am today. And I was a young gymnast. I was an elite gymnast. Then I suffered an eating disorder, which many women can relate to, and then became a runner and went to college and met my love of my life. And we— he was in the military, so I had never been exposed to military life. He was in the Army. And so my firstborn, Isabel, was a She was 9 weeks early. I was, gosh, 24 years old. I was working as a pharmaceutical rep and life was all of a sudden really hard at that age. And, you know, I thought that was gonna be like the hardest part of my life, right? Like, I can, I can handle this, but it was tough. And then my second born, uh, child Steven wasn't reaching typical milestones. And you know when you have that instinct in your gut that something isn't right as a mom? I had that from literally even the time I was pregnant with him. It just, it didn't feel right.

Really?

Yeah. Just deep down, I was like, something didn't feel right. He wasn't as active as Isabel, but I kept being assured it's fine. And then about 2 months into after he was born, I was like, something's not right with this child. He wasn't, he had like a really concave chest and he didn't like breathe really big and he, his cry was weak and he was just, he was a weak baby. Which they call like a floppy baby. Um, when I tell you the diagnosis, but I kept insisting something wasn't right. Went to the doctors a few times. They're like, oh, he's just slow in development. Long story short, September 25th, it was 2 weeks after September 11th because none of us forget that date, right?

Yeah.

And I was sitting in the neurologist's office and the, the doctor walked in and she said, you know, your son has this disease called spinal muscular atrophy. And I was like, oh, hey, I'd never heard of this, but if he's handicapped, you know, I'm going to still love him and raise him the best way I can. And within the next minute, she goes, you don't understand. There's, there's no treatment or cure for this.

Oh my goodness.

And I was, I was shocked.

Well, yeah. In that moment, well, first of all, I want to go back to, I mean, you've got so much that you've overcome, including Um, everything you've gone through with Stephen, but I want to go back just for a second to the eating disorder, because I think that so many women, especially now with social media, want that perfect body. And I think I was borderline, had a disorder because I was so meticulous about everything that I ate. And counting the calories and was like, oh my gosh, well, I have to run an extra 5 miles because I ate that. It was not normal. It's not how I think now, but I think it was a way for me to kind of control things. And I had some trauma as a child and this was a way, something that I could control. Um, and I, looking back now, I'm like, oh my gosh, like that just was not healthy. Can you take us through when you realized the first time, wait a minute, this is not right. What kind of eating disorder was it? And then how did you get through that and heal from it?

Yeah, it's something I don't talk about just because I've had so much more trauma, but it's so legitimate for so many women when they're thinking they're not enough or they're not skinny enough. And as an elite gymnast, we would walk in the gym every day and they would take the calibers out and pinch our skin to check our body fat and get on the scale and It was every day. And when you're conditioned that way, you start thinking, oh my gosh, I'm too fat. And luckily I don't think it's that way anymore with gymnasts, cuz I do see that like they're more strong and powerful. But when you're a 12-year-old and you think you're gonna have these big plans to go and never did I think I was gonna be in the Olympics, but I did wanna go to college and, and perform gymnastics. Um, but it got to the point where my parents were like, you cannot I was 88 pounds at 5 feet and I was eating like peanut butter crackers. That was it. And I remember just looking in the mirror and thinking I wasn't skinny enough. And so my parents pulled me out. They brought me into, um, to the hospital, a hospital in Philadelphia, and I did a lot of outpatient work. But for me, like movement and exercise has always been a big part of my identity. And so once I got cleared, I was like, well, I gotta find And I talk, when I come to your Unstoppable event, I'm going to share a little more about my gymnastic journey and how that shaped me. But I became a runner, a very competitive runner, and actually ran in college. But that journey of the eating disorder, it always stays with you, Amberly. Like, I still, and I'm not about like being like looking a certain way, but I want to be healthy and fit.

Mm-hmm.

So it's always, I mean, anyone that suffered any sort of disorder, it's always in the back of your your head that it can return and you just have to be aware of it.

It's so true. And you saying that just reminded me because we have so much in common, even from the time, you know, I had my first daughter when I was 23, but growing up a dancer and having to look a certain way. And then I remember after I went through puberty, I was always super, super skinny and made fun of because I was so skinny. But then after I went through puberty, all of a sudden I was like, oh wow, I'm gaining weight. Like I don't, I'm not that skinny anymore that I, that I was, and I was probably still really thin. Um, but I remember moving to LA and they would line you up and they would tell people too fat, too fat, too fat, too tall, too fat, or like it was brutal. And so I think that's when I got hyper aware and then going into the fitness industry, it's all about how you look. And so, yeah, I can tell it's always with you, but you saying that, it just reminded me.

Yeah.

So I just spoke at a virtual event this morning and they were so sweet. They asked me what my favorite protein, they asked me what my favorite dessert was. And I said, oh, I don't really have a favorite dessert. And I said, I like protein bars. And there's one in particular that it has a lot of calories. See, there I was talking about the calories. They delivered 3 boxes of those protein bars on my doorstep and I just got them right before this, this interview. And, um, My husband goes, yeah, those are good, but they have a lot of calories. And I was like, it made me, oh yeah. And he goes, but you know what? You need to gain weight. And then I was like, no. So you're right. It does stay with you because I automatically started thinking about those calories again and started thinking about when am I going to go to the gym? Like, so you're right. It does stay with you. I just don't want it to be obsessive. I want it to be a healthy Obsession, if there is such a thing. But you're right. I think it does. So do you have to now, because you are in such great shape, you are like the picture of health. Do you feel like it is still like you're still healing from that? Do you still like, you feel like you're through? Do you offer tips and advice for others who might have eating disorders?

Yeah. I, like I said, I feel very healthy and content with where I am. But again, you mentioned calories and now I look at. Macros. I look at how much protein is this, you know, protein's all the hype. And I'm trying to get like 100 grams a day because I want to be fit and muscular for longevity and to be around for my grandkids. And so instead of calories, for all those ladies, look at the macros, like how much sugar's in it versus the calories and what are the ingredients versus focusing so much on the caloric content because it really doesn't matter. It's really the nutrients you're getting from it. So I would say that's a really good tip. For, for anyone. Um, but yeah, I mean, it's, it's always in the back of my head, but I'm very conscious of going down the wrong path. I, I enjoy dessert almost every day. I'll have a piece of chocolate. I believe in moderation, not deprivation. When I owned my gym, I told ladies, have a glass of wine if you want, have a piece of cake. It's just the amount, the amount of how much you're having it. You don't wanna be a glutton with it.

Yeah, I agree. Well, So take us through the journey with Stephen. What did you, like, I feel like all of us have gotten news before that is just devastating. When you said there, there's no cure for this, that was the news I got when I was diagnosed with CRPS. They're like, there is no cure. What did you think in that office that day when you learned that? And then what happened next?

Yeah, I'm very grateful my mom was with me that day because I just remember her driving me, me and Steven home and my husband was serving in the military. So I was worried about him getting deployed to Afghanistan. So this, this wasn't on my radar. And then I have to go home and tell him a diagnosis that his son is going to die. And they basically, yeah, I mean, they basically said he wouldn't live till a year. He was 2 months. So it's, they even had—

How old was he?

He was 4 months when he was diagnosed.

4 months. So you have had this baby, carried this baby in your womb, 4 months old, and you get the diagnosis you were only going to have this child up until a year old.

Yeah, most likely. I mean, there's, with spinal muscular atrophy, there's different types. And now it's come so far in research, but at that point it was, it was really a death sentence unless you decided to, to use a trach or to extend life in a way that I wasn't comfortable with at the time. Um, and you know, I had a 2-year-old at home too, so it, it was a really tough time in life.

So what did you do when you get that diagnosis? I'm glad your mom was with you.

Yeah. You know, you do the best you can with the news you have, and I had never lost anyone close to me, not even a grandparent. I mean, a grandparent, but I didn't know him. He was, I was only 2 when he passed. And so to watch the very person that you gave birth to have to pass before you is, is a, is horrible. I mean, there's, there's no way other, other way to say it. And so I just put one foot in front of the other like all of us do. You know, you just keep moving forward and love him the best I can. And thank goodness I had my in-laws who would drive 4 hours to come stay with us. My sister moved in for a little bit. You know, my, our family surrounded us as much as they could because we weren't around family. We were stationed in Maryland. Everyone else was in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. So, and I was new to the military life, so I had no support really from anyone else. And I really clung to the things that I did have and just, I just survived really is all I can say. And I, I lived in survival mode for many years after that.

Yeah, I can, I mean, I can't imagine how hard that must have been. Um, how did those early seasons of grief shape you into the woman and the leader that you are today?

Well, it taught me a lot about life and, and we have to constantly remind ourselves, right? That it's, you can't worry about all the little things. You have to let go of a lot that you can't control. I had no control over his diagnosis, but I could control what I did from it. And so even before Stephen passed, he passed away at the age of 9 months, my family and I had decided we were going to start a nonprofit in his memory. And so there was a national organization, it was called Families of SMA at the time. It's now called Cure SMA. There were some moms that had helped me. And so I decided I needed to do something with all this grief, right? Where was I going to pour all this energy into? And so we started a nonprofit. In, at the time my family was in New Jersey, so we started in New Jersey and then I moved it to Dela— was Delaware as well. And we just started, you know, knocking on doors for donations and we had a big gala and that continued for many years. Up to this point, we've raised about $2 million for Cure SMA. And I'm very proud of that because I've seen there's now 4 treatments for SMA.

There are? Yes.

Yeah, they're babies like Stephen that are walking.

Wow.

Yes, it's for, for a neuromuscular genetic disease. It's almost unheard of. And it's, it's lumped into muscular dystrophy for those that aren't familiar. And SMA is like Lou Gehrig's in infants. So it doesn't affect your mind at all. It affects your body.

Wow.

Wow.

That is amazing that you've raised that much money. And you, I think it's important to say how You, your grief had to go somewhere. All that energy went somewhere and it went to something so good. When did you, when did you realize, or where were you when you, was there a moment that you realized that maybe your pain wasn't something like just to survive, but something God would use?

Yeah, it took a lot of time to come to that conclusion because we all go through things in life, Amberly. Even over my retreat this weekend, everyone has a cross to bear and I'm no different from anyone else. And there's a lot of parents that have lost children. And I think you were talking about like, once you see something, you're, you see it everywhere, right?

Yeah.

And, and that's really what happened. I started supporting other parents that were walking through this storm of, of the diagnosis. And I remember my husband and I sitting with parents when their child was on, you know, their last hours. And so I was able to give back, even though it was so hard. I was able to separate my grief. And be able to support others. And I think that our pain can become a purpose, but you have to, you have to allow it and you have to believe. And I don't like to, I don't, I, it's so cliché to say everything happens for a reason, but you choose what you do with it. Mm-hmm. And so I chose not to just sit and cry and, and be depressed and feel sorry for myself, that I knew there was more to life and that I knew I had to do something in his memory.

That's amazing. Well, what would you suggest for someone to do who is like, well, I would like to move on, but I can't even get out of bed. I can't even take a shower. It's all I can do just to put clothes on and get to the store because they're in the middle of that grief. What's one thing that they could do?

Well, first to be okay with that. Like if, if you're, if you're having days like that, just to, you know, you can't feel any different at that point, right? You have to give yourself grace, but I say like, Just reach out to one person just to let someone know that I'm struggling. There's someone there and it's, I'm always there. Like I tell people all the time, I know I don't, there's so many people I don't know, but I will see a post on Facebook and I will send a message. And so it's just asking for help in a small way. And as women, we don't want to do that. We want to, you know, think that we can handle everything. Like even today, I had a, uh, you know, my tire's flat and I'm like, You know what? I don't know how to change a tire. Maybe I should learn, but I know I need to, you know, I called a friend and said, hey, do you mind coming? You know, so it's asking for help. Um, is the first, I would say that's the first step is just to tell someone you're struggling because you shouldn't, you shouldn't walk through those storms alone.

Yeah, I think that's such great advice. Uh, I think that's what really helped me the most was finally getting the courage up to ask for help. I think that, you know, no matter what you're going through, for me, one of my lowest points was when I was then My rock bottom of addiction, and it took every ounce of energy and courage I had just to reach out and ask for help. And it's life-changing just knowing you don't have to do it alone. Um, now you even have frameworks. Well, you've got your book, you do the retreats, but I want to talk about your real framework. Can we talk about that a little bit? Because I think that's really going to help people listening.

Yeah. And I think that evolved over time because, you know, life goes on whether you want it to or not. And so I had 2 more healthy boys. I became very— we moved to Delaware after my husband got outta the military. He did get deployed. Um, had 2 more healthy boys. And I think when I was in survival mode for so long, which Amberly, I'm sure you can relate to, like you just were like, well, I just gotta keep going forward. The, the world's not gonna stop for me. And so I just, you know, I was a stay-at-home mom, but at night I would go and teach fitness classes and personal train. And that led me to, um, just get really well known in the community for being very passionate about health and wellness. And in my early 40s, I kind of crashed where I realized I don't want to live like this anymore. Like, I'm just surviving. I'm not, I'm not embracing joy, which is what you talk about, right? Finding joy in your journey. And then I went to a John Maxwell certification and a Ziglar Legacy certification. So I started to really invest in myself, which is women, we need to do that and not wait for permission and to make it a priority to say, you know what, I'm important because everyone else relies on me. And so I need to invest in myself. And so I did. And so that gave me the courage to start a mastermind. And then I opened a gym and I realized that throughout these, these times, the tools that had helped me and now help my clients is this framework of number one, be unreal. Like, it's, it's real means like just be authentic, like own who you are. No one's perfect. We all got our stuff to go through. But, um, also like just being real and authentic, but also being realistic with what you can achieve. But we can achieve far more than we think we can. So being realistic is in setting those steps, right? Um, building each step and, um, each platform, but also what energy sources do we use? So oftentimes we're surrounded by things that are sucking the energy out of us. And so really taking a good look at what the, the sources of energy are that we're using to either propel us forward or to hold us back. And that could be nutrition, movement, sleep, our environment, social media. The list goes on of what that is.

What about people, about energy vampires?

Yes. Yes. Energy vampires. They just suck the life out of you. And that can not just be people, but I mean, that could be social media or the news or, you know, so many different sources, but it's just being aware of like what it is that we need to kind of cut in order to move forward. And it's not always easy, right?

It's not always easy, but I think that's so important to take a look at what is energizing you and what is sucking the energy out of you. And you're right, it can be the news. I don't want to listen. I do not like, I don't even like to listen to the news. I don't even have the TV on, but my husband loves the news and he'll fill me in if there's some, something I need to know, you know, but, um, it can be social media too. And I've actually been on social media before and told myself, get off, shut it down. Don't look at the phone because I'm going into comparison mode or something that's not healthy. And so I love that you say that, just being, uh, being real with yourself, being real with others, but being real with yourself too. And why I want to know, because I feel like you and I see eye to eye on so many things. Talk about movement and the importance of movement, not just for your body, but even in your entrepreneurial journey. How important is movement?

Yeah, we get And so many people are sitting now in a virtual world and they're not getting movement. And that lack of movement is horrible for our body. It creates inflammation and disease. I mean, they say like sitting is the new smoking. I don't know if that's the extent, but I know for me it's for my mental health. And you've probably seen me post that, like movement for my mind because it creates energy. It has all those, you know, all the feel-good hormones flowing throughout your body. And so Movement for me is key. And, where I live right now, for 3 weeks, it's not been nice out. And, I'm struggling with not getting outside. I did force myself the other day, but just getting up every hour for 5 minutes, putting on a playlist, getting some weights. I mean, there's so many ways you can incorporate movement if you can't get to the gym. So, it's imperative for longevity. I mean, I think there's a lot of doctors that talk about Movement is key to optimal living and to longevity. And so if you're not moving, it's, it's killing you.

Oh yeah, for sure. I mean, I, I've had people all the time that say, well, I don't have time to exercise. I don't have time for the gym. In fact, the virtual event that I spoke at today, they're the 6 AMers and I was up and ready to go. I'd already been to the gym. I'd already taken the dog for a walk and somebody was like, oh, I've already done this and that. I'm like, Well, I didn't feel like going to the gym, but I knew it was the only chance I was going to get at 6:00 AM this morning. I didn't feel like taking the dog out for a walk when it was 29 degrees outside, but I rely on discipline. I don't rely on motivation. And I think it's because, number one, because I can do it. And there was a moment in time where I couldn't do it. So I always tell myself, I get to do this. I get to move my body. But, um, I've been telling people snack on exercise.

I love snacks.

Snacks. So like, I love that you just said, go outside, take 5 minutes. That's all you need. Take 5 minutes, do some pushups, do some squats, just move around however you can. I mean, I was moving even when I was in the hospital bed. Um, and actually, you know what? I don't do this when I'm recording a podcast, but I have this Uh, treadmill underneath the desk or walking plate. Doesn't go that fast, but it's still moving. So I love that you say too that it, it movement moves your mood.

Well, I know you do like your pushups before you speak, right? Because why do you do that? It creates that energy flow. I have a jump rope in my bedroom. I try to do at least 300 a day. It's like a natural rebounder. So do something you like that you like to do. But just do it because we can sit in our excuses. But by the time you thought of all the excuses, you could have already gotten it done and you're going to feel so much better.

It's so true. Well, what's one simple, real shift someone can make today?

I think just being aware of where you, where you are in life, like where are you sitting in life and how do you feel about yourself? Are you content like with where you are? Because for me, it's all about growth and what's next. And so first it would just be, Maybe sitting down and, and I'm not a big journaler, don't get me wrong, but just sitting down and giving yourself an evaluation of what areas of your life do you feel like you can improve upon? It could just start with that and choose one area that you want to improve upon. And then, you know, reach out to someone that can help you have a coach. I mean, Amberly Coaches, they, you, again, you have to invest in yourself.

I think so too. Well, I, you're amazing. And by the way, I love working with you. Because you are so, you're a go-getter. Um, and before we move on to some other questions, how old are your kids now?

Yeah. So my oldest, Isabel's 26.

I can't believe that she's 26. Yeah.

She'll be moving to North Carolina, um, in the summer. So I'm very excited. That's amazing. And Blaze is 22. He works out in Western North Carolina. And Jake is 19, who is a sophomore at NC State.

Oh my goodness, you must be so proud. And they have the best names, by the way.

Thank you. And they're all— well, not Isabelle, but the other ones all have family names. I don't know where Isabelle came from. When we were on our honeymoon and we're like, we like that name.

I think you just know. Like, I just knew the name. And I try, and then I found out, like, Ruby— someone else was named Ruby. I was like, Well, I can't change it. That's the name that came to me. She's named after my great-great-aunt, her great-great-aunt. It's sticking. And she is definitely a Ruby, you know, and Savannah is definitely a Savannah. It's the best thing I've ever done is being a mom. Um, but speaking of being a mom, being an entrepreneur, being a go-getter, traveling for speaking events, getting your book, you've got your book launch coming up. Uh, by the time this comes out, your book will be out. I will put the link for your new book. Um, but there's a lot of people that want to do a lot of things and being an entrepreneur and a mom, there are a lot of people that are really feeling burnout. Have you ever been in a place where you're just burnout? You're just ready to throw in the towel?

Yeah. Part of the reason we moved to North Carolina, well, it was a lot of reasons, but I was in the fitness industry for over 20 years. So every night when my husband's getting home, I'm leaving to go teach a few classes. Or I'm going to train clients. And I did that for many years. And then I opened my gym and I was teaching 20 classes a week, plus running some other programming, plus working for nonprofits. And it got to the point that I knew, and as much as I love the women and I still connect with them today, I knew that it was time for me to do something different. And so creating that plan, it doesn't always go— let me tell you, this year hasn't gone the way I planned, but You just have to be brave enough to say, you know what, I think it's time for a change. And you never know where those changes are going to lead. So you have to believe in yourself and, and know that when it gets to that point, that you just gotta be brave. Yeah.

I think, yeah. And having that awareness, but, um, why do you think so many successful women feel exhausted and disconnected? Do you think—

I think a big part of it, and yeah, a big part of it is that they're not taking care of their foundation, which is their health. They're overcommitted. Um, and this is something I work on with a lot of my clients is learning to say no. Like we as women think we have to do it all. And it's so freeing when you can just say, you know what, I call it practice the pause. You don't have to say yes or no right away. You can just say, let me think about it. I think we had talked about that on a call. And so giving yourself that space to know what aligns in your life at that point. Because there was a time where I was, I was in the Dancing with the Delaware Stars. I was running another fundraiser for the YMCA. I was running my 3 kids around. I was working. I was still doing this stuff for my nonprofit and still trying to show up as a wife. And I'm like, what? Like, why am I, who am I doing this for? Like, what am I trying to prove? And so I think that was when I was at the peak of the burnout. Like, okay. Something's got to change here. And I'm in such a better headspace now that I can say I'll serve when I can. But I also know if I don't take care of my health and my foundation, I am no good to anyone else. And you've walked that storm a lot of times. I know.

Oh, especially this last year when I was doing so many things. And this year it actually made it so much easier this year to say no, because I'm putting my health first and my family. And it, but I really had a lot of misconceptions. And I mistook health scares for heroic acts. Well, I got through that because I've got grit. And I'm like, no, I need to give myself more grace. And so I think it's important for all the mama entrepreneurs out there that, yeah, you have, like, I come home from a work trip exhausted and it's like, I still have my daughter going, mom, I need a surprise snack. And the dog's barking at me. And my husband's like, I need attention. And it's like, I want to do all the things. And so I've learned, okay, before I get home, I make sure I've completed work, even if that means I need to extend my work trip a little bit. I get my work done. I try to get as much rest as I can. So when I come home, I can be fully present with the family. Um, you've been married for what, 27 years?

28 years. Yeah.

28 years.

Wow.

So being doing all the things and, you know, your husband sees that you are a go-getter and congratulations on 28 years, by the way. Tell us some secrets to your marriage of 28 years of going through grief of the entrepreneurial journey of getting through burnout. Give us the secrets to how to have this amazing marriage.

Yeah, I don't know if it's any secret. I mean, life was tough for many years for us. Even last year when we made this big move and went into empty nest and had some career changes and like everything, like it was a hard year. And so we realized that we, and we didn't do counseling or therapy after our son passed because it just, it wasn't for us because we tried and it, I'm like, how's someone that hasn't walked through this journey going to support me?

Yeah.

Um, but one thing we did last year was Our local church was offering a, a couples class and we thought, you know what, we need to do that. And that was very helpful. And your marriage doesn't have to be bad, you know, in parentheses to, to get help because you could always have, there's always room for improvement.

Yeah.

So that's one. 2 is we always were very intentional about getting away for a week a year. Luckily my in-laws were able to come watch the kids and I know that's not realistic for everyone. But it's making sure that you're fostering the relationship you, with, you know, the person that you love. Mm-hmm. Um, because they're the person that you started with and they're the person hopefully you're gonna end with.

Mm-hmm.

And so if you're not taking care of that, it's, and not fostering, it's like anything, it's gonna fall apart. And so we've been very intentional over the years to do that and also to find like a lot of commonalities and cheer each other on. And communication's tough. You know, men are, men are from Mars and women are from Venus, like. So it's, it's learning to just listen. Um, and, and this is a constant like journey for us. So we, we keep learning. And so I, I think intentionally spending time together, making, making time, cuz when you're a busy mom, it's really hard to do. Um, but fostering the marriage and knowing that your, your spouse is, is ultimately the person that you love the most and you have to be making sure you're, you're serving that. Yeah.

That love. I agree. And I want to know now, cause I'm about to be an empty nester and I am just, to be honest with you, I'm sad about it. Well, I've got Nugget who's actually scratching at the door right now. I hope y'all can't hear that, but I keep telling Ruby, so Savannah's been in school for a while and I don't think it was as big of a deal because I still had Ruby at home. But now Ruby and I do, we do everything together. She is so much fun. She's, and she's leaving soon. Was it hard for you becoming an empty nester? Because I keep telling Ruby I'm going to move into the dorm with her. I've already like helping her pick out stuff for it and don't this be cute? Yeah.

Yeah, it was. It's just another transition in life that you feel like you're going to be prepared for. And then when it happens, I mean, like I said, we had moved and become empty nesters and I knew no one really. Um, but we are also, we also moved to where the same town my son goes to school and now I don't see him very often, but it did soften the blow. But I think Amberly, it makes us so aware of how quickly time goes. And I feel like I was, I feel like I, I had 3 high school friends that came to my retreat this past weekend and I felt like we could, it was yesterday.

Yeah.

So I think it's a reminder of how fast time goes and you have to cherish it. And when you're in the thick of it, raising kids, you're wishing for those days. And then when it happens, you're like, why did I wish all those days away? And so for, I would say for any young mom is to definitely like breathe through it and just be present. Let the dishes sit in the sink. Let the wall, like just be present because we can't get that time back. Um, But also it was important for us because we fostered our marriage. We do a lot of things together. And so that's a big part of it as well. Yeah.

Yeah. And I, it does make you aware of time. There's, um, I had somebody on the show, gosh, this is a few years ago and they have, um, a book called It's 18 Summers. And basically if, if you think about that, you've got 18 summers with your child. That's it. That's it. It's gone. And I am so hyper-aware of every day now that like when I got stuck in San Diego, I never really thought about this until now. Ruby's going off. She's moving, which is just going to be so weird.

How far away is she moving?

Um, well, she's going to stay in Texas. She got accepted to Texas Tech and we're thinking about moving to Florida. We're going to go look. Johnny's actually going. I'm speaking at an event next month and he's actually going on a work event with me. And then we're going to take some time and drive up the coast of Florida and he's going to check it out. He's always wanted to live in Florida on the ocean. He, that's where he was from. He was from Miami, but we're looking at other areas and that's going to be so far away. So I don't know, but I was stuck in San Diego and I'm just thinking, Oh my gosh, it's another day away that I don't get to kiss Ruby goodnight. And I know she's 17 and that's like, she's not a baby anymore, but still it's just like, wow. And then, uh, you know, lately she has been doing things with her friends a little bit. She slept at a friend's house when usually they sleep at our house, but she slept at their house and Johnny and I had some time together. We're having more time alone together and it's. It's nice, but at the same time, it's like a whole different thing when you're just the two of you, when you've had— yeah. Yeah.

You get used to it though. They all were here at Christmas, which was amazing. But by the end of 2 weeks, I was like, I kind of want my house back.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

There's, there's hope for me.

It does. It changes. And I think too, it's for us women, we need to have hobbies and things that light us up. And I know when I owned my gym, there was a lot of empty nesters and women that had taken care of everything else. And now they're like, what do I do with myself? And so use this time to really foster those things that you're like, I never had a chance to do, but now I get to do them. Like, I, I think, you know, I did a reality competition back in December and I would've never been able to do that if I was, you know, one of my kids were younger. And so it's like, take advantage of the opportunities when you can. Yeah.

Yeah. When is this reality competition coming out, by the way? Well, it's next week.

This weekend. Yeah. Yep.

Hey, I thought so.

Okay.

So by the time this interview comes out, it'll be out and you can YouTube it and see it. You just gotta, I get, are you going to put it on YouTube? The clip?

Yeah.

Well, that's where we'll leave you.

I'll give you a hint. It's if you know who the number one YouTuber in the world is, it's one of his competitions.

Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait.

I'm sure people are already like, yep. Yeah, it was really fun, really fun experience. But the point is, be uncomfortable, do things that scare you because the opportunities and experience you'll have because of that are just like, they're amazing. I met so many amazing people that I would've never met if I hadn't put myself in an uncomfortable position.

Oh yeah, I think so. And so this last bit of time for me that I have time with Ruby, I've been saying no to a lot of opportunities. I've said no to like 4 speaking events where I'd be traveling and it's at the same time that I'm going to her orientation for school or I'm moving her into her dorm. And so that's family's the most important. That's family first. I really think family first. And so, but after, you better believe I don't think I'm ever going to retire. I love what I get to do. Like my husband's retired and I don't know how he does it because I just love what I do. So I feel, I feel blessed that I get to do what I do. Um, and so I think being an empty nester now, maybe I will start more, start to travel more, start to even work more because I love it so much, you know? Um, well, you're amazing. When, so where can people get your book?

Yeah. So they can go to my website, jessica-moyer.com, or it's on Amazon. And I'm sure you'll have the links. I also have a book, Triumph Through the Tears, that really could help women through loss and grief. That was my first book I wrote. Um, they can connect with me on social media and I'll share the links with you. Um, or they can set up a call with me and we can just chat and see how I can best support them.

Yeah. Well, I, you know what, I want to do a little lightning round and yes, this, this will be set up, uh, so you can find the links if you're on a run and you're listening to this. Uh, you can find the links on YouTube or on your favorite podcast platform. Um, but is there, uh, okay, we're gonna do just a quick lightning round. Some are a little more serious, some are more fun, but is there a scripture that carries you through the grief?

You know, I was a Catholic. I've been a Catholic my whole life, but, and I do, I don't like sit and read the Bible. However, I can, you know, I live out the Bible in my daily life, but I think just knowing that God's got you, and I don't know the exact quote, but knowing that God's got you through all your storms. Um, that he is gonna hold you and lift you and carry you through is really how I've gotten through.

Yeah. I, I actually love the Serenity Prayer and I have it printed out on a big piece of wood over here. It's my favorite prayer. I feel like it helps you, you know, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, uh, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Whether I'm stuck in traffic or like you this morning had a flat tire, whether I'm stuck at the airport or struggling with something in my business, that prayer helps. It really does. For sure. It really does. Um, what does joy look like for you in this season?

Just doing things that are outside my comfort zone. Like I'm just seeking it out now and meeting new people and, and trusting that there's going to be continuous, like, I don't want to say challenges because that's in my mind, it's good, but Experiences. Like, I love just different experiences.

Yeah, I do too. I think it's fun. I love adventures and that's why I'm so excited. Like, we're planning a couple's retreat in October. More details for that. Uh, our mastermind retreat. Uh, so many things just because I want to connect, have fun and adventure. Um, what help, what habit keeps you grounded in faith? Is there anything that kind of keeps you grounded with your faith?

Just prayer. I mean, I probably spend about 2 hours praying throughout the day. It's usually at night because I have trouble sleeping, like many women with our hormones, but just coming back to prayer and also learning to just listen instead of talking and letting God come through. Okay.

Okay. Speaking of hormones, I got a doctor's appointment right after this, these freaking hormones.

I legit.

I heard about it, but like, I'm almost, I'm almost, I'm about to turn 54 and I thought, well, it doesn't apply to me. I don't feel any different. I feel great. I'm still regular. I'm like, you know.

Oh my gosh, you're so lucky.

No, it's—

I was 43 when I went into, uh, menopause.

I'm 54 and something's happening.

Oh yeah. Well, there are so many.

I told my husband something's happening and he goes, no. And I said, no. It's something's different.

Yes. Yeah. Is there anything? You can feel a little crazy. Yeah.

There was a, uh, I love watching funny reels on Instagram. There was one and it's, uh, a lady goes, honey, will you take the trash out? And he goes, uh, yeah, in just a minute. And she cusses him out like, you lazy block. And I'm just like, oh, chewing bothers me where chewing never bothered me before. If I hear the sound of Chewing. I'm like, stop chewing, you know? So yeah, I'm going to a doctor to have blood work done today.

Good.

Good. Yeah.

That's, that's so important to advocate for your health. And if you don't get the answer you think is right, just keep going.

Yeah. What, what's one thing that has helped you through hormonal changes?

Advocating for myself and exercise. I think exercise is really key to help you through that period of time. There's so many things that can support you. I am a certified hormone coach. We could have a whole conversation about that, but advocating for yourself is, I tell women all the time, like, if you need to go, like, you need to advocate and speak your voice. Yeah.

You know what? That's so good because I went to this one doctor and she's like, oh no, we don't do blood work. I don't believe in that for your hormones. And I'm like, blood tells everything. I need somebody to check out my blood and tell me what's going on. Um, is there a way for people to work with you for the hormone stuff? Like, can you coach them? What's the best way to reach you? Is that through your website as well?

Yep. Through my website or set up a coaching call and I'll send you the link if anyone wants to set up a call. Yeah, I'm working with a lady right now and it's only been a month, not even a month, and she's had like amazing changes in just a month because she's doing the small things and she's seeing a doctor, functional medicine doctor. And so, it's not just one thing, it's usually, it's a puzzle and it's figuring out the pieces. And what works for me isn't going to work for you, Amberly. So, it's so important to know that You know, you can compare yourself to other people, but we're also, you know, we're so different.

Yeah, for sure. And I love that you say that. If somebody says, oh, well, I've got it all figured out for you, it's like, no, let's dive into this a little bit. And y'all can go to Jess Moyer, J-E-S-S-M-O-Y-E-R on Instagram. And in fact, if you're listening to this and you found value in it, take a picture, whether it's on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, will you take a picture and tag Jessica and me? Because I love that when I see it. So tag me at Amberly Lago Motivation. We can have a whole nother conversation on hormones. So I think I want to have you back so we can do that later, Jessica. Okay. Uh, one thing you do when your energy feels depleted, what do you do?

Move.

Yeah, that's good. Me too. Me too.

Dance, move. Yep. Yeah.

Coffee or tea? Oh my gosh.

Coffee. I have a board that I just started with coffee, like stickers from coffee shops. I seek them out wherever I go. Oh, and my daughter does too. It's like a thing we do. We like anywhere we go, we look for the local coffee shop and we love to support it. And yeah, I love coffee.

That's good to know. Good to know. Salt or sweet?

Uh, I put a little cream and a little sugar. So the real stuff. I'm all about real.

Real cream. But do you like chips and salsa or dessert?

Probably dessert if I had to pick one. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, night owl or early riser?

Neither.

Neither?

I would say I'm very middle of the road. I'm usually up around 7 and I usually go to bed at like 11. So I don't know which one that is.

Okay. That's good.

Yeah.

Um, so, uh, first celebrity crush?

Oh my gosh. Probably like Ricky Schroeder. What show was he from? Yeah, I always thought he was cute. Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

You know, I didn't watch a lot of TV as a kid because I was in gymnastics and in running and in dancing. And so I didn't have a, like, yeah.

Yeah, I didn't have, I didn't watch a lot of TV because of dance. I was never home at night. I went to school and then I was at the dance studio, but I had music. And I loved Rod. I was in love with Rod Stewart.

Okay.

Yeah, I did.

Today I would say like Mark Wahlberg.

Oh, well, I would say Brad Pitt.

Yeah.

I get a free pass for Brad Pitt.

Just saying.

I'm sure Brad's listening to the show. Brad, I'm happy to meet up for some coffee. Um, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, what's one word God's been whispering to you lately?

Present. Just being present.

I love that. Okay. Thank you so much for being on the show. We got to have you back on and talk hormones, especially after I get my whole panel.

And I can't wait to hear about it.

Yeah, I'm kind of, I got, and I already had a brain scan. The doctor wanted to do a brain scan. I've had 2 and, um, they're like, uh, well, you're not depressed. I said, I know. And they're like, well, you have ADD. I'm like, well, yeah, second time I've been told that. Next. They're like, well, you have a little anxiety. I'm like, yep, that's why I move. Anything else? Tell me I'm crazy. Do I have Alzheimer's?

Nope, I'm good.

Okay, let's keep going. You know, but it's amazing what they can do with tests now. So I love that you said be an advocate. And, um, I'm excited to get to see you soon. Um, you guys reach out if you want help With anything that you're going through, whether, and, and really I did one of your challenges and you're so amazing and so thorough and so inspiring to see. So go follow her on Facebook, on Instagram. All the links are in the show notes. And I just want to say thank you again, Jessica, for being on.

Thank you for just being who you are, Amberly. I'm so blessed that our, our lives have crossed.

Oh, I feel so blessed. I feel so blessed. I always love when I get to see you and y'all, thank you so much for tuning into the show. It's seriously because of you that this show is a top 1% podcast. So I appreciate you being here and, um, we will see you next week. Thank you so much.