Make Authenticity the Heart of Your Being with Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert and bestselling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace. Hello and welcome to the True Grit and Grace podcast. Today on the show, I have someone I've been looking forward to talking to for a long time. I have Christina Mondlacchiani here. She's the co-founder of Mindvalley, and she's been in the personal development industry for over 17 years. She's an incredibly talented, inspirational speaker. In fact, I just saw her on the Mindvalley conference that they just had. She's a serial entrepreneur. Entrepreneur, artist, philanthropist, and she's the mother of 2 beautiful children. She's also the author of A Transformational Quest: 7 Days to Happiness and Live by Your Own Rules. She's recognized as one of the top influential people online making a difference in the world, y'all, in the world. And she was just awarded the Influencers for Change by the Global Impact Creators. And she is on a mission to help you create an extraordinary Extraordinary Life by Making Authenticity the Heart of Your Being, and and really shows us that it's not all working. It's accepting yourself, you know, accepting yourself, but it's also about pleasure and play, which I would love to talk about. So, so grateful you're here. Thank you for being here.

Thank you for having me. It's such a pleasure, and thank you for such a warm welcome.

Oh well, I have been looking forward to this, and right before we started recording, I was saying that I actually saw the Mind Valley. Conference. And you had some incredible speakers. And I'm just grateful that you're sharing your wisdom here with us today. But I would love to talk about, you know, because we see online, everything looks easy. It looks like, oh wow, look at this huge success. Look at all she's done. And we don't often know like the struggles to success or how you got into self-development. So if you could tell us a little bit about how you really dove into self-development Because I know it really changed my life. And I would love to know, what was that moment for you that took you from the grind and the hustle to really being your authentic self?

We can replace authentic if it's a, if it's a big mouthful, like real self or true self. I think authenticity is such a funny word anyway. But thanks for this question. And, you know, I might have to make a little disclaimer before we go deeper into this conversation, just because often what I say is a little unexpected to people. So the disclaimer is like this. Today I came across another meme somewhere on internet, somewhere on Instagram, that said the same old thing, you know, that success requires sacrifice and you have to— I do not know what— like work hard, break your head against the brick wall. I'm of course exaggerating the saying, but it was something along those lines. And my initial reaction was to leave a comment, oh my God, what a load of Bullcrap. Because, you know, and I'll try to explain why I say so. The thing is that our life can be whatever we choose it to be. And I will try not to be too fluffy with that. Generally, what happens is that if we believe in something, we see a lot of confirmation of that. A nice analogy that I like is that your beliefs is the virus that feeds on evidence. So literally, if you believe that success requires hard work, you will see a lot of evidence of that. If you will talk about that a little bit less personal growth lingo, a little bit more scientific lingo, in psychology, there is such a thing as— it's called reticular activation system, which means that if you are focused on something, your focus is going to determine your perception. So let's say if you are looking for a certain thing, like a certain color in the room, you will find that color. But if you change your focus to something that you were not paying attention to, it will be really hard to recall. So that's And that's a psychological explanation of what happens, is that if you believe in something, you're going to see a lot of evidence of your belief being true. And that would be half the problem. The real problem is that you are actually going to place yourself in the circumstances to be the living proof of your belief yourself.

Right.

So not just get it from the outside, like, hey, look, this dude had to work so hard and to sacrifice everything in his life, and that's why he's successful, but also find the proof in yourself that this is how it works, which is half the problem. Again, like, that's half the problem.

Yeah, it's, it's so true. And what you're saying is like, I remember when I was pregnant, and I would be, oh, wow, there's so many pregnant people. And it was because I was pregnant. I was just seeing all the pregnant people. Or when you get a new car, and you're like, oh, there's so many people with the same car as me. It's like, So true. What we think, we start to see. What we believe, we start to see. Yeah.

It's simply called reticular activation system. Your, you know, your brain activates to see what you want to see. So as an example, and that's not related to success, I was having a chat with a young, really young guy in Russia. And we started talking about age and old age. And he said, I don't want to be old because I don't want to be sick. What's the point of living until 90 if I'm going to be sick? And you know, I won't have energy for anything. And it's so curious because he was a young guy and I tried to share some research with him saying, like, you know, scientists have discovered that our kids are going to live until 130 and they're going to have totally different, you know, lifestyle, totally different health. And, you know, look at your mom. She's probably different from your grandma. And the guy just wouldn't believe me. He's— he would say the same thing to me. But when I look around, what I see is that people who are 70 are sick and I don't want to be like this. So it's really, it's really bizarre because you kind of, when you adopt a belief, you not only see a lot of proof for that, but as I said, it's half the problem. You actually start being the proof of that belief, which is why I'm a huge opponent of the contemporary fascination with hustling. And I know that I'm one of the very few voices in the world who says, like, guys, Let's stop this phrase. It doesn't work like this. And my experience, because I refuse to believe in that, is that success is not the question of how much are you willing to sacrifice, how much are you willing to put your blood, sweat, and tears into that. It's something else. And I want you to understand me clearly. I'm not against working. And I understand that some periods in our life require work, and sometimes the work is not very pleasant. But I'm also very mindful of how, you know, how I look at that. I remember I was sharing my story of writing a book with someone, and the lady said, like, yeah, it's such hard work. And, you know, I thought at that moment, and I realized that in my mind, that work, it was work. There were a lot of interesting and uncomfortable moments. The word pain and hard just didn't come into equation. It was uncomfortable. It was puzzling, confusing. Sometimes it required me to stretch my brain. But somehow pain and hard didn't go into the equation. So I am proponent of, like, let's, guys, let's stop hustling. Let's stop hurting ourselves. Let's stop saying it's sacrifice. Because sacrifice is such a terrible thing. Let's stop saying that it requires, you know, hard, endless work, sleepless nights, because that's what we are going to create. We created just to prove ourselves right. And we do that in everything. How many times we like, oh, I'll be very upset and I'll prove you wrong. Like, come on. People get sick to prove the point. People die to prove the point. And obviously, you can work yourself to death to prove the point. Oh, I didn't answer your question.

No, no, no, it's good. I mean, I'm seriously, I'm emotional right now because I needed to hear that. I mean, okay. I'm going to stop crying here. But what you're saying is, I mean, I just did a post this morning and I had to say goodbye to my family in Texas. And my stepdad, he hugged me and he said, Amberly, remember to be good to yourself. And I was like, oh, it hit me because I was like, oh my gosh, the gig is up. Like I'm not fooling anybody. He can tell that I am not being good to myself. Like I'm hustling, I'm working really hard. And I thought, you know what? I'm taking a vow to, I mean my book's called, and the podcast, True Grit and Grace. And I think it's important. And sometimes we need those reminders to be good to ourselves and to give ourselves grace. And so much of the time we see especially as entrepreneurs, that it's all about the hustle, all about the grind, and you're going to miss out, or you're going to, you're going to miss that opportunity. And I just love what you shared, that it doesn't have to be that way. And, you know, just speak of old age and what we believe. I mean, my grandmother is going to be 94 next month, and she is so strong. I mean, she lives on a 2-story, in a 2-story house. She takes care of her pecan grove, and she has a garden, and she prepares this feast for us. And she's not sick and she's smart as a whip. And she's who I go to for advice. And I think a lot of that is because of her mindset. Maybe it's that Southern cooking. I don't know. Maybe that's what makes her strong. But what you're saying really hits home for me. And I wish that we could start to really, really believe that for ourself. And so just this morning, I vowed to like go through life with more ease and grace and not think about having to hustle. And you're right, we do have those periods of time where we do have to work hard and those seasons, but we get to choose how we're going to, to live our life. Was there a moment— well, actually, I, I did see a video with one of your talks that you give, and you're such an amazing inspirational speaker. And in one of your talks, you were sharing about how that change for you from your happiness and how you were talking to, well, you have to do these things because of your clients or you have to do these certain things because of your work. Could you share a little bit about that, about how that switched for you and you started to become truly happy and choose happiness instead? Because a lot of times, I feel like we make happiness like a destination. When I get to this point, I'll be happier. When I achieve these things, I'll I'll be happy instead of choosing to be happy in the moment.

Well, uh, yeah, and I'm sorry I didn't answer your previous question. Maybe we'll come back to that.

Well, that, that's okay. We can start with that. I just, I, I love all you shared, and it really hit home, and I feel like, oh, I need to hear that. And I think we all need to hear that and for that reminder. So thank you. But, but yeah, this is just conversational. So you— this is what I love about this show is that we can keep it real.

But I also don't— I like when, when things flow, obviously, because I'm against hustle. I have to like the flow. I'll share the story that you are referring to. I think I know what you— the story that you mean. I just wanted to say, just as a side note, that, you know, it's interesting because the thing, it's either success or something else. But I've been researching that so much lately for my book mostly, because I'm very academic and a nerd, and I was born in Soviet Union, for those who don't know. So I cannot just make a statement, especially a sweeping statement. So coming back to that meme that I found, you know, I wanted to ask, where's the proof? Where's the proof that sacrifice leads to success? Like, do you have empirical data? Do you have research? The thing is that when you go deep and when you research, then you'll find out that actually it doesn't work like this. There is a lot of research on both success I was just watching an interesting TED Talk actually about, you know, success and age. And the funny thing is that the more I go, the deeper I dig, the more I realize that our understanding of success is so off. It's like we are literally, since we don't get it, so we dogmatically torture ourselves because we think that's the only way where I feel, that I'm worth it. But we can talk about that later. I want to answer your question. I guess I have always been like a perfectionist and a straight-A student. I call it Hermione syndrome because I'm the only child of my parents and being born in Soviet Union. Soviet Union was like, if the end of the '80s, the '90s in the West were more like the era of individualism, your individuality was valued and on pedestal. Soviet Union was the reverse. We were all about the society, so you were supposed to be a perfect cog of the big machinery. So obviously, uh, you know, this, uh, this desire to be good and to fit in was, uh, on steroids in me, a single child born in Soviet Union.

Wow.

So I, I did, I, I did work, uh, hard. I guess I always enjoyed it. I, I, I don't remember, like, having a burnout, uh, Maybe sometime in the 20s I did, but actually I think I've always been a little bit on the haha side. It will figure itself out somehow.

Trusting the universe.

But I did have this episode where we started a business. I had a business partner and we didn't know what we were doing, but we reached success. But at some point in our career, Our mentality was very different. I usually tell the story in the context of different mentalities in business. So there is an investor mentality and a freelancer mentality. So my mentality is very— was very different from hers. And I'm not saying that one is better than the other, but when you have a very different approach to one thing, it's really hard to run this one thing. And since we were both new in business, our partnership was 50/50, so we couldn't split. And I remember there was a period of 3 years where I didn't dare to raise the question of splitting. I was seeing that the way we run the business wasn't like it was against my grain. I just it didn't gel with me. I felt that we were doing the wrong decisions. We were placing emphasis in the wrong places, but I didn't dare to to end the relationship. And my story was that there's a big cause. We are running a very important business. We have business partners. We have clients. We have people who work for us in our team. I mean, our our employees. So obviously, I have to sacrifice my own well-being. And happiness to the greater cause. And that's such a beautiful story that we often tell ourselves. Again, going back to my past, I was brought up on the literature of the 19th century. I can quote Jane Austen by heart. So this idea of martyrdom, it was very appealing to me throughout my younger years. But the thing is that we're sometimes confusing, and we are taking these great ideals which work in the times when there is like a revolution or pandemic right now, but But in everyday life, it's just a lousy excuse. In everyday life, it's not really like you have to sacrifice your happiness for a greater good. It's you being afraid to rock the boat. It's you being afraid to take a decision. It's you being afraid to make a change. And that was my case. The moment when I realized that I wasn't really sacrificing my happiness for the greater good, I was sacrificing it because I didn't dare to do the conflict with her. And that was all. And I was afraid to be alone in business. I thought I needed a business partner because— but she— I didn't need her. It was— she was my emotional crutch. I was afraid. And that's why I needed someone by my side. So the moment when I realized that that indecision was not because of a greater good, which is a beautiful excuse, but it was because I was just scared, there was no other choice. I told her that we have to, we have to separate. It is a slightly different story altogether. But—

But like, when you, when you separate in a business, It's like going through a divorce. I mean it's tough even when you have somebody that you've worked with for years. I know for me, you know, when I lost someone that was a part of my business, it was tough. It's emotional. And it does take courage. But I think we find the answers when we have time to ourselves and we can sit in silence and listen to our, you know, I always say listen to your gut.

Yeah.

about what you need to do, what feels right to you. And I think that the answers are always there. But a lot of times, like you said, we make excuses and they come from fear or deeper stories that we've told ourselves. I know for me, I sit and I ask myself, well, why do I feel like I need to do this? Why do I feel like I need to continue to grind? That word grind or hustle. And it's like, what am I trying to prove?

Yeah.

What, why do I feel, is it because I don't feel worthy? Am I trying to be good enough? Or what are the reasons? And so what year was this for you when, when you split this business relationship?

Oh, that was 2014 or 2015. I can't remember. I think '15.

That took some courage though, to do that.

Well, it was, uh, it was 6 years, uh, into, into that business partnership. It's a different, uh, slightly different business now. Not the current Mindvalley. And we had like a very tough situation in the market. But you know what, as you were saying, I was thinking, the thing is that these excuses are very confusing. It might be easier to understand if I— you just mentioned that business divorce is like a real-life divorce. Actually, real-life divorce is, at least in my experience, a little more painful. But often people don't dare to separate from Let's say their husband or partner because of the children. And you see, this is this one situation where you can't really tell: Is it really a worthy excuse because that's what the society tells you? You have to suffer for the sake of your children, or is it you just being afraid to make a decision which is important and necessary? And and that's a very tricky place. And I know a lot of people might actually not relate, but it's it was the same in my business. Was was there a real reason that I was sacrificing my happiness for a greater good, or was I just afraid? It's up to you to decide what it is. But a lot of those excuses are so believable that you live with them for years.

Oh yeah. In business, or like you said, in relationships, you know, I've been, I've been divorced twice. And so I know it's, and they weren't easy. So I think it's important to ask yourself those questions. And now I wanted to ask you about the Mindvalley, because if you're listening to this and you're like, what's Mindvalley? Oh my gosh, you got to check it out. I mean, I think most people, if they're in self-development, have heard of Mindvalley. But I am blown away with all that you do and the wisdom that you share. So, can you tell us a little bit about Mindvalley and how that started? And what year was Mindvalley started?

Well, it's a really long story. We actually started it in 2004, but it has evolved so much. So, there is a Mindvalley—

I bet it blew up.

Did it blow up even more during COVID You know, it's an interesting thing because I, in my, in my mind, it has always been what it is. But of course, it's evolved, it's changed. And I think the growth has been steady. It's, it's curious how, how we sometimes don't see something. And when it appears in our radar, it suddenly seems like it grew overnight. But we were around since 2004. As I said, people generally don't even I can't even trace it that far back. It was a different company in 2004, and we've played in different areas. And we were publishers initially. We published personal growth authors. And even as a publisher, we had a certain evolution. But it was less than 10 years ago, I would say maybe 6, 7 years ago, that we started changing, evolving as a company, as the essence of what we do. So from being just a publisher— publishers like, let's say, Penguin Publishing, they publish amazing books, classics. But then there is a university. University is an institution that gives you a holistic education, right? So if you want to become a psychotherapist, they will teach you a lot of different disciplines. I studied international politics. We had economy, we had law, we had God, what not did we have? We had philosophy. So there were a lot of different disciplines. So the thing with publishing is that you publish a certain author, you publish a certain book or a certain course, you solve a certain problem. But at some point, we realized that people, people have a very sporadic approach to personal growth and transformation. They come to solve a certain problem that doesn't let them sleep at night. Let's say I'm burnt out, I'm stressed, I've lost meaning in life. And I come and I look for a teacher that, that can help me go through through the course, I solve the problem, and then I go back to my old life. Well, the thing is that transformation does work like this, but it gives much better results if you go and do it like you do in a degree in university. You don't just go through a law, a course in law, or a course, let's say, in civil law or in criminal law, you actually go and get the whole degree with all the different aspects. So when we realize that humankind can benefit from actually getting a holistic education in transformation and personal growth and all the important things for life, then we started understanding ourselves differently. We actually shifted from being a publisher to being an educational institution. And there were other, other evolutions from there. But generally, what we are trying to do is that we're trying to help people to have personal growth and transformation as their lifestyle, as a habit, as a tradition, the same way as hygiene has become our lifestyle. 200 years ago, people washed sporadically when they were very dirty and stunk. Now it's a part of our everyday life. So I believe that our betterment or improvement of our life shouldn't be in the moments when it's really painful. It should be something which is just such a natural part of everyday life that you don't even notice the transformation doesn't come with pain.

Yeah. And you know what? Well, no, I love that. And I think that it does have to become a part of your life. It's the same kind, you know, I've been in the health and wellness industry for 26 years now. And I really don't like the word diet. I mean I like the word lifestyle. Like if you can just shift your lifestyle and you can start eating better and things that are good for you every day as a part of a healthy lifestyle or moving your body however you can every day, you're going to start to see those transformations. But you say something about knowledge that I loved because I think it's so true. You say, knowing doesn't change your life. When knowledge is experienced, when it influences your perception of the world and guides your actions, then it becomes functional and worth having. And I love that because, you know, we can go to all the conferences and learn about self-development. You can read all the books. But we have to be willing to do the work every day. And when I say work, I love— to me, work is what I love. And but it means willing to show up for ourselves. And so you offer— tell me some of the things that Mindvalley offers so people get an idea of what they experience when they go check it out. I mean, even if you check out Mindvalley on Instagram, I just I have to make myself get off because I start watching the IGTVs and everything. And I'm like, okay, get off. Stop. I need to stop consuming right now. I need to get back to work. So, tell us a little bit about what they can expect when they go and take a look at Mindvalley.

You know, I'll blush here. Maybe you don't see that. I have bright light. But I have to say that I'm the face of Mindvalley in Russian. So, I know what we offer in Russian. And I'm a little bit vague at times what we offer in English just because it's really a lot. We have a lot of amazing authors, the best authors in the world. We usually have the loudest names in the industry. Thank God.

You do. Like the speakers that you have, I was blown away. Amazing.

Thank you. Yeah. It's a result of being in the field and of doing the work and being consistent there. So obviously we have some of the best authors. So I will give you a very vague answer. For that particular reason that I'm the face of Mindvalley in Russian, and I don't want to lie about particulars in English. But generally, it's like with university. It's so hard to describe university, right? There are courses, there are professors, there is the community, and some universities are cooler than the others. And then you realize it's not because they all have the same components, but certain things are a little different. So, Mindvalley, yes, there are teachers, and they're the best teachers in the world in their niche of personal growth and transformation, generally speaking. If you talk about a little bit more practically, then we are attempting to give people the knowledge, the wisdom, and the experience and the transformation in those areas that are important for your life. So, we distinguish about 12 categories of life, which are important, from very personal, like health and fitness, and emotional health, or your psychological, you know, your character, to a little bit more tangible things, such as family, love relationships, parenthood, social life, to your mission, career, finance. So in all those areas of life which are important and which actually make us a whole being, we give different courses and classes and try to solve problems that there may be in those areas. And we look for gaps. So let's say what people don't understand or are struggling with, then we find who's the best teacher. To teach that, and then we bring it to Mindvalley. So there are courses on Mindvalley, loads of courses. I know that in Russian we have 30, but I think in English it's 40 or 50 from different authors. We have such luminaries as Neil Donald Walsh and Ken Wilber, and you know, Nir Eyal is now, I think, a course. We have loads of amazing people. Some— I won't start advertising different courses. I love our teachers. I refer to them. I go through their teachings.

So, but it's very entertaining too. Like, you make transformation entertaining, and your co-founder cracks me up with the videos. So it's fun.

So, and that's part of Mindvalley as well. So there are courses, which is understandable, and there are other platforms which offer courses, but we also have a community, which is incredibly important because the university has a community. And that's what makes Harvard, for example, better than some smaller universities because you understand that that community is going to be with you for the rest of your life. You can find your business partners, their friends, lovers. So, we have a community as well. And that's a huge difference. And we are very adamant on working with that community, on making it gel, on making it know each other. And our community is big. And the other component of Mindvalley is actually the events and the fun and the enjoyment. We have one author, Jim Kwik, who's actually teaching how to learn.

Oh, I love him.

Yes, he's a great teacher. And he's, he's actually amazing as a teacher, and his content is amazing. He teaches actually how to, how to transform the knowledge into your experience and into actually changing it, changing your life. And he understands it scientifically. So one of the things that he says is that you learn better if you are doing that in the state, in a good state, when you're happy, when you're motivated, which is why that component of the community and the events and the fun and the enjoyment is incredibly important for us, because that Makes we try to make sure that you don't only get the knowledge, but you also get the optimal state in which you're consuming that knowledge so that actually it sticks to you. The habit sticks to you. Your life starts changing, and you don't drop back into old patterns.

Yeah, and I love that you say because it's about pleasure and play too.

Yeah, yeah, I love that you as Oscar Wilde said, life is too important to be taken seriously.

Yes. And that, you know, and I tell you, laughter and fun has been a big part of my transformational journey. And we've gotten through some of the hardest moments and 34 surgeries on my leg with my husband cracking me up through the process. So I love that you share that. And I want to ask you about your 7 Days to Happiness, of happiness. And transformation. And tell me about what inspired you to create 7 Days to Happiness, and tell us a little bit about what that is all about.

7 Days to Happiness is a mini program, mini quest, where in 7 days I share some of the practices to help people feel a little more happy. But depending on how long they stick with those habits, they will get like more profound results. Or let's say they just, they just try it, you know, dip their toe in the water. How it is my own journey to becoming an author. I've been in personal growth for a long time, but mostly as an entrepreneur. And for a long time, I was a marketer, actually. And but mostly entrepreneur. And I became an author in a very bizarre way, because on one side, people were telling me, you know, being co-founder Such a company, you should speak, and you're the face of Mindvalley in in Russian market. And I did go on stage more as a must. I have to do that for business model. You know how it's sometimes done. There are a lot of books written for business model. And surprisingly, happiness was the topic that stuck because I tried different things, and happiness was the topic that was my early topic. It stuck, but it's evolved a lot. Interestingly, a few years ago, although I started with happiness, I actually I actually stayed on stage. I kind of grew comfortable with that, if that's the right way of saying that.

Yeah, I love that you stayed on stage because you're an amazing speaker. I love to see you on stage, and your outfits are really awesome too. Just saying. Just saying.

I don't get as many compliments from my Russian audience. They have a much higher bar. But thank you. I really appreciate when comment on my outfits. I was like, oh, okay, I'm not so bad.

Oh my gosh, no, I seriously, I was like, oh my gosh, I need to ask her where she got that outfit. But yeah, y'all check out just YouTuber and you can see some of her talks on YouTube.

It's my side hobby. I try to wear local designers wherever I live to promote them. But, uh, back to, back to serious talk. So, uh, you know, I stayed on stage and it was recently that I started understanding, um, that But as a speaker and as an author, I have matured. And I feel the difference now. I wasn't terribly ashamed, or I don't regret that I went on stage because somebody pushed me and said, you should do that. But when I look back then, it was something I didn't mind doing. Right now, I feel this is something which I want to be doing, and I have a purpose.

Mm-hmm.

And I've always had a little bit of imposter syndrome. As far as I know, most people have it. And sharing stage with the biggest names, like my last stage I shared with Mark Cuban, He's super famous.

Oh my gosh, yes! I'm all yes!

I was born in Soviet Union, so you can forgive me. So the thing is that I share stage with really big names, and I've always had a little bit of an imposter syndrome. And I know that I am a young speaker— young not by age, not by chronological age, but by the age on stage.

Oh my God, I get that, because one of the first big biggest stages that I was on was a TEDx stage at Berkeley. And it was their 10-year anniversary. And I was sharing the stage with amazing, you know, doctors. I was the only one that didn't have a PhD. And the next stage I shared with Mel Robbins and Jay Shetty and Lewis Howes and Brendon Burchard and all these huge, I mean they had been speaking for years and they're huge in the self-development. So I totally get that. And I really felt I had to imposter syndrome. It was scary.

And quite a lot of them have actually an old school training on stage, because in the end of the 20th century, that whole thing was down to science. There were ways to speak, and there were ways not to speak. So me speaking about authenticity, you can imagine I took a course with Lisa Nichols. And I was like, God, I love you, Lisa. I love when you tell my stories, but you cannot be Lisa when I go on stage. I will not feel myself. And Lisa is actually great at that. She can help you to find you rather than her in, in your way of speaking. But, but that aside, what I'm trying to say is that it's when I matured, when my message matured, when I realized that I have something that I need to share with the world. Like this thing about hustling. I need to, I need to tell people that, guys, slow down. It's not like success doesn't work this way. You are mistaken And you are digging yourself deeper, and you perpetuating this thing, and you're passing it on to other people and to newer generations. So I feel the message, although success and grit and and hustling is not my main message. It's it's about happiness and authenticity. But when I matured, my message matured. I didn't mind having an odd accent on stage, being new on stage. I didn't mind being the other person in Mindvalley. You know, the other co-founder that nobody. I didn't mind any of that. It didn't matter. And actually, when I was going on stage at our last event, which was massive, we had 200,000 people who signed up to attend. We had 50 authors. Some of the names were so massive. I actually— sorry, guys, if it doesn't sound humble enough for a woman, but I told my team, I said, I think my message is so much more important than most of the big names. And I need to speak and I need to, I need to speak well, because I want to be heard.

Well, I saw that on one of your, I think it was on Instagram where you told your team like, no, I need to get out there and share my message. And that's powerful. And I think we need more women like you that are like, no, I need to share this message and get out there. I mean I remember doing this other big event and it was all about transformation. And there were a couple of other female speakers. I mean, it was me and Mel Robbins, and then it was mostly men. And they had a panel and it was all men. And I went up to the creators and I was like, you know what? Do you think that we could add some women to your panel? So I love that you got out there. You're like, I need to speak. That's powerful. And when you do that, you inspire other women.

Yeah.

to do the same. But before we go on, I want to go back to something you said. You talked about talking with Lisa and you were like, I, I need to be myself. Because I love Lisa and I love her. She's actually one of my favorite speakers. And if y'all don't know her, check her out on Instagram. I think she's—

Lisa to Motivate.

Yeah, Lisa to Motivate. And you'll see who she is. And, and I loved her talk at your conference. And about her talking about filling the cup and sharing from the overflow of the cup, sharing from the saucer. But did she mentor you for speaking?

Well, you see, I've been in this industry for such a long time. I've learned speaking, uh, here and there from a lot of people. Uh, with Lisa, we did 3 classes. I did feel when I started speaking on stage, I did feel that I, I need to understand it deeper. And Lisa had this amazing talent. I was telling her one of my stories from when I was 8, and then she She's like, wait, Christina, let me tell you a story. She tells me my story back, and I'm in tears. I'm like, Lisa, I was telling you that story lightheartedly. How can you tell me my story back to me? And I'm crying. But she has this talent of storytelling. So I learned—

she is, she's a great storyteller.

And I learned this from her. Of course, I do it in my own way. The thing is that, you see, we humans will love simple recipes. The 10 things to do to be successful. Successful. There are 5 things not to do so that your marriage lasts. And, and we love those simple recipes. But life is not a recipe. Life is full of contradictions. There's day, there's night, there's pleasure, there's pain. The beauty of life is that different situations require different approaches. So very often when we go to learn something, we, we want like, give me that recipe, give me the ideal way to do this thing. And then we think that the way to go is to to learn it and to become a copycat, right? And just do the same things. And I'm sorry, I hope I don't insult anyone, but a lot of the times the personal growth and transformation of the 20th century, the end of 20th century, was like that. Do exactly like I do. If you look, the, you know, the conveyor belt of speakers that were trained in the end of the 20th century, like some of the events which were I would go to multi-speaker events, let's say on investment or on passive income, you would sit there and you would see 20 guys walk in front of you and they all speak the same, like it's the same guy, because it was the conveyor belt training. But we have to evolve from that. It doesn't work like that. There are no recipes. You go, you understand the essence, and you adapt it to your natural being, to what gels with you, to what works with you. I do tell stories. like Lisa. I have learned the essence of what is the story? How does it tie to your speech? How do you use them? How do you make them juicier? But I'm not telling stories like Lisa. And that's the thing I do.

I'm so glad you said that. That's the thing. I remember when I first started speaking, and then I watched, you know, a couple of speakers, and they would go outstage and dance and do all this stuff. And I thought, oh, well, I'm supposed to go outstage and dance. Is that what I'm supposed to do. Now I was a professional dancer. It did not feel right for me to go out on stage dancing and doing all that because I would want to go outstage and do pirouettes or fouettés or leaps or something. It just didn't feel right. So I had, and I was also, I hired a mentor to teach me how to put together a speech. And she said, don't call it speech. It's a presentation. I'm like, okay, tell me the rules. And she said, and you need to go out and buy a suit. I've got pictures of me giving my very first talks, and I'm in a 2-piece suit and I'm dressed like a man. And I'm like, this doesn't feel right to me. I have to be me. And so, you know, I remember doing my first talk on national TV when I was on the Today Show. And I had, I was wearing, I picked out a skirt and a shirt to wear. And my husband said, Oh, but your leg is showing. And I'm like, yeah, well, it's my leg because my leg's all scarred up. And I'm like, yeah, but it's my leg and this is what I usually wear. And I want to dress and feel me. And I had a friend that say, I know, you should go on the Today Show and wear a cowboy hat. And I'm like, just because I'm from Texas doesn't mean that I wear a cowboy hat all the time. Like no. And I think it's important to listen to you and be you. And we can hear all the things, but we really have to— apply these things and learn how to kind of adapt to what we feel is right for our life. You know, it's kind of like, you know, I have complex regional pain syndrome. People ask me all the time, what medicines do you take? How do you eat? What do you do to feel better? And I'm like, look, this is what I do. But we are all experiencing pain a little bit differently. What works for me, I hope works for you. But it may not work for me. But if we all come together and share what works, then we can pick different tools that work, and we can have a bigger toolbox.

And you know, it's what you were saying, it also made me go further in that thought. We often think that we need to be a certain way to, to, to have a presence, right? Let's say a simple example, women in business, or women in the boardrooms, or in women leaders, there is still, even now in the 21st century, a lot of women who end up in the masculine environment, they become a little more men. And we believe that by acquiring certain male qualities, we have the, uh, you know, the advantage in that environment. But the thing is that our strength is in our truth, with our truth to ourselves, right? Our strength is in being what you are in authenticity. So it's not just about, you know, listen to what is true to you, but can you actually draw strength from being that and not from being what people expect? And I, I know that when I was first going in front of the camera, people were telling me I have the most odd accent. It's not recognizable Latina or French accent. It's something strange that people are going to be listening to you and thinking about your accent and not listening to you're talking about. Can I draw strength in being what I am, in my past, in the fact that, you know, I talk this way? And thank you, Christina. Okay with that.

Thank you for saying that. Because I am telling you, when I first started speaking, I had somebody telling me, you need to go to a speech coach because your accent is too thick, and people are going to make— and I did in my very first talk I ever gave. My speech coach was there and she, or the person who taught me how to put speeches together, talks together. And she came up to me and the first thing she said was, well, Jonathan really liked your message, but he said, oh, that accent. And so it gave me kind of, you know, I was like, oh my gosh, I have to lose my accent. And it made me, and I thought, no, screw that. That's me. I, I'm gonna be me. And I think when we are just our, you know, our authentic self, we can draw energy and more power into that. So I appreciate you saying that.

There is a— so we have a funny tradition with children. They show me the American movies because I was born in Soviet Union, so I need to catch up with pop culture. And we've had a lot of chances in the lockdown. So we were watching this movie X-Men I don't remember which of the episodes because it's a lot of episodes of X-Men, but I think it's about Mystique, this character, the blue character. I think it's her origin story. So if you know X-Men, you would know what I'm talking about. If you don't, just imagine, although I can't imagine nobody knows, somebody doesn't know X-Men. So there is this blue character who is transforming into whichever shape she wants. And in the early, in her early career, she would always present herself as a girl, as a blonde girl, so she would always be in that form, whereas her natural form is this blue thing. And there is this one episode where one of the questionable characters, villain Magneto, looks at her and says, like, why do you waste so much energy trying to look like this? And that's such an interesting remark. He said, you'd fight much better if you just were yourself. So his message was that her trying to keep the form of the girl with blonde hair, something which people recognize, is taking away her power from doing other things. If she just accepted what she was and stopped trying to be something else, she'd have so much more power doing other things which are important. And that's the thing with us. The moment when I, when I gave up perfectionism, when I gave up trying to be something, I just said, you know, guys, this is what I am. You either take me or you don't take me. If you don't take me, your loss. I had all this energy was released to actually deal with the things which are important, to actually do research in the topics that interest me, to actually find the words to express myself, to express the thoughts and the messages that I have and stop pretending that the way I stand, the way I dance, do I do enough joke breaks? I'm actually— I love jokes, but I'm so bad at making jokes.

Me too.

I need to focus on things which are important. And as a person who is part of personal growth, like creating personal growth industry, I know that if you care about your speakers, just find a good MC who will keep the energy up, who will do the necessary work and do The— sorry, the monkey tricks. But let the speakers be themselves, then they will perform the best.

Oh, that's powerful. Yeah. And you know, I think that really when you accept yourself for all that you are— I know for me, when I finally let go of the shame, and I always used to try to cover up all my scars, and I even had a doctor tell me, well, you'll never wear shorts again with scars like that. But when I looked at my scars differently as, wow, look at how amazing the body is and how it can heal. And started having gratitude for, yes, my leg is deformed now, but I can stand. It carries me. And it was like the meaning, the truth will set you free. It's like acceptance and the truth and giving up perfectionism. And I always say, screw perfect. I'll just choose to be, have courage instead. And I think that—

Mm-hmm.

I love that story of, I don't watch a lot of movies, but I knew what you were talking about because I thought the blue figure was always beautiful actually. But I'm going to have to watch that movie because that's a great story. So, oh my goodness. I just appreciate all that you've shared. Just a couple of more questions because I know our time is running out. If there's someone who is struggling to maybe accept who they are, they want to, they have this perfectionist idea of they have to look a certain way. I mean, I live in Los Angeles, so there's a lot of people that are struggling with perfectionism out here in LA. But what is one thing that you would suggest for someone to really just kind of let go and be in self-acceptance and give up the perfectionism and just be their authentic self?

Well, uh, the thing is, I'm writing a book about that, and it's a long story. And I'm starting actually with a happy happiness-success correlation, because a lot of the times we do things as a payment for success. And I think there's not much research into perfectionists, but I think that a lot of times we are perfectionists because we think that perfection is expected, and perfection is the price for whatever— success, happiness, whatnot. So it's a longer story, and what I'm trying to say is that if you start digging, you will realize that your success doesn't depend on you being being perfect at all. There's no connection. And by success, I don't mean just success in terms of, you know, monetary success, but also success with people or being accepted or being loved or having a good relationship, being a great parent. It doesn't depend on your perfection at all, your success. But that's just opening the door to a longer answer. If I give you a very short version of an answer, I would say, you know, you have to I think kindness is one of the qualities which is incredibly under the radar. And kindness, like self-love, is a little more complex. But self-kindness is much easier. You can have hard times loving something which you don't accept or loving something which you don't agree with. But you can be kind, even to the people that hurt you. You can be kind to people you completely disagree with, because kindness doesn't require Love. And you can be kind to yourself in any shape or form. You might have a journey to learn to love yourself, but you can choose and decide to be kind to yourself. It's like, you know, if you're on the street and some— I do not know what your triggers are. I have hard times with beggars and homeless people. A homeless person starts pestering you for something, you can be rude, you can be indifferent, or you can be kind but firm. Right? So the same way, no matter what you think about yourself, kindness is available to you right now, in this current version. So try to be kind to yourself no matter what. And the other thing which I wanted to say, which is important, and it's part of the short answer, is that everybody wants to be a better version of themselves, whatever the definition of that better version is. We all want to be something else. And it's good, it moves us forward. it. But you cannot become a better version of yourself unless you accept the current version of yourself. And that's the most important thing you have. You can have a map to move from point A to point B. But if your point A is not there, you cannot just drop somewhere randomly onto the map and start following the path. So your current version of what you are right now is your point A. And unless you're at peace with point A, you won't move anywhere. And it's just fooling yourself.

Oh, that's so powerful. Yeah, I really think that any transformation, whether it's with your health or your business or your marriage or any kind of transformation, really starts with being accept— in acceptance for where you are and what you are, who you are, before you can get to point B. So that is powerful. And then the kindness part is like, that really hits home to me. And that's kind of what I wrote about in my post today on Instagram when my stepfather hugged me and he said, Amberly, be good to yourself. And I thought, gosh, well, I haven't been very kind to myself. I've been like really hard on myself. So I think it's important to be good to others and yourself. But when you're good to people, people are good to you. And so I can't wait to read your new book. What is your new book called?

It's my first book for now. Oh, well, I'm—

because you have the other 2 courses. So I think of Those, those are like books to me. I mean, all the— I know all that goes into making courses. It, it, it's a lot of, you know, really thinking and being creative and figuring things out. And so this is your first actual book like we can hold in our hand. And when do you think it'll be out?

Well, that's the thing, you know, with courses it was easy. I have a time scheduled and a camera and, and people, and I just have With book, my perfectionism has a field day.

Uh-huh.

So I have just contacted my publisher, or a publisher who might be publishing me, and I hope that they're going to give me a deadline. My personal deadline is to finish writing it by the end of summer. And I've changed my routines today a little bit to write more diligently, because you know how a day is. You wake up slowly, nicely, and then by the end of the day, it's like, I haven't done anything. So I've changed my routine a little bit, so I hope it will start moving faster. The first part is pretty much done, but end of summer hopefully.

Oh, that's awesome! And what's it called? Can you tell us what it's called?

Yeah, I can. But the name will most likely change because name is the last thing to come. So the working title is Path Back to Myself or Path Back to Yourself. So it's about finding your way back to you. Yes. Well, the premise—I will tell you the premise. The premise is, you know, once I came into the office and. I have been traveling somewhere and a friend, she just like, oh, Christina, I missed you. And I answered without even thought, without skipping a beat. I said, oh, I've missed me too. And at that moment, I was like, you know how the record screeches and goes to stop? I was like, what did I just say? I said, I missed me? So it's this moment where I realized that I had my issues, but I'm always very functional, you know, perfectionist and all that, high achievers, hustlers.

Yeah, I mean, I resonate everything you're saying.

Yep, me too. I lived a life and everything was there. I was showing up. I was showing up to the family, to the office, to stage. I was there, but I was missing myself in my life. And that's the premise of the book.

Oh, I can't wait to read it because I'm telling you, everything you say, I'm like, yes, I totally get that. Because you can show up and be functional But really missing yourself. I totally get that. So, oh my goodness, I have just enjoyed talking with you so much. I really needed to hear all that you shared. I just want people to be able to learn even more from you. So can you tell them where they can find your courses and maybe get, you know, a pre-order of your copy when it— of your book when it comes out? And, and also let them know where they can see some of your inspirational presentations that you've given? Because it really touched my heart. So where can they find you?

Thank you. Well, my courses are on Mindvalley platform. So you will find me on Mindvalley. But on Mindvalley, there are a lot of amazing authors. So I'm one of a whole parade of great authors. My personal Instagram is the only place where you just hear me and I share everything that comes out, all the news, all my speeches. So it's my personal Instagram, Christina Mundt.

Yeah, Chris. And, and you guys, y'all can go and she's got a link up right now where you can go and just click a link to find the 7 Days to Happiness and also Live by Your Own Rules. She's got everything there in her Linktree. I don't know if she— when you hear this, she'll still have that. But for now, she's got that up there. And definitely check out Mindvalley. I love what you share on your Instagram, especially your beautiful kids. And how you keep it real. Like, you know what? That one post that you did about you had just had the vaccine and you didn't feel great and you did that post where your face transformed with some filter. And I commented, oh man, I kind of have jet lag today. I wish I had that filter here. But I'm like, nope, this is me after a long time traveling.

Yeah.

I love what you share and what you post. And I can't wait to read your new book and see what's in store for Mindvalley as well. So Thank you so much for being on the show. And y'all, if there's, you know, whatever part stood out to you, please screenshot it and tag us on your Instagram or just reach out and let us know that you heard the podcast. But anyway, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for having me. It was a great pleasure. Thank you.

Thank you so much for joining us this week on True Grit and Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends. That would help too. If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to amberlylago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable gratitude journal, and you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next week.