Navigating Life's Turns and Finding Hope with Lori McAfee

Hey there! I'm so excited to announce the Unstoppable Success Summit is back, y'all. We are going to be in Dallas April 19th and 20th, and I want to see you there. Don't miss out on this opportunity to gain valuable insights and make valuable connections and leave with actionable takeaways so you can implement all of these things into your career and level up your life and your business. I've got Ben Newman. Rachel Luna, John Gordon, Rudy Ricksteins. I've got a panel of speakers that specialize on publishing, PR, branding, podcasting, and TED Talks. And so if you are ready to level up, if you're like, I've got a message to share and I really want to increase my influence, it's time to kick the limiting beliefs to the curb. It's time to move forward past your fear. It's time for you to invest In you to bet on yourself. So I want to see you in Dallas. It's my hometown and I'm going to make it, y'all. I'm planning some big stuff. Okay. It's going to be fun. My event planner keeps saying, Amberly, you need to reel it in. I'm like, no. And in Texas we say go big or go home. So go to go.amberlylago.com. That link will also be in the show notes to grab your early bird ticket. The early bird tickets will only last for a certain time and there are only 100 seats available. So these tickets will go fast. You're the first to know about it. I want to see you in Dallas. So hopefully I will see you there to hug your neck and let's be unstoppable together. Okay, now on to the show. Thank you for tuning in to the True Grit and Grace podcast. I'm Amberly Lago, and I'll be sharing inspirational stories of resilience, And empowering ideas to elevate your business and your life, ignite your passion, and fuel your purpose. Hey y'all, it's Amberly here. Thank you so much for tuning in to True Grit and Grace. I have one of the most special people in my life on the show today. She's amazing. Miss Lori McAfee. She, she's got a new book coming out. She's got a huge podcast called Get Your Rear in Gear, which I love the name of that. She is going to help y'all today reclaim your power by knowing who you are, like loving yourself, getting to know yourself, getting to know your inner peace. Um, and getting to know your purpose. She is, my goodness, in the past year moved mountains, like seriously since I met her. And we're going to get into that, but she is a powerhouse. She is going to be speaking at the event in April in Dallas. Y'all got to join us, Unstoppable Success Summit. And she's going to be taking the stage by storm, um, and speaking at the event on April 19th and 20th. So I hope you come to see her. But I love this woman. She gives us hope. She gives us inspiration. She teaches us how to be resilient, how to reclaim our really true inner power and love ourself and how to practice self-love and how to, to know our self-worth. So, Lori, I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being here on the show.

Thank you so much for having me. I so appreciate it. That was a lovely introduction.

Oh, I love you. You're amazing.

Okay.

I just have to tell everybody right now how amazing you are. Okay.

Go ahead.

So I met you, I think it was like less than a year ago that we met, and I will never forget. I was speaking at an event. It was Ken Joslin's event. And you came up to me with this big, beautiful smile with perfect teeth because you're, you and your husband are in the dentist industry.

Yeah.

I was like, oh my God, this lady's gorgeous. Who is she? And, and you were, you're like, hey, and you just started talking to me and then you like signed up for my mastermind and in this mastermind, I am blown away by you, blown away, because in this past year you've launched your podcast.

Mm-hmm.

That is a huge success. You've got your first book coming out. But one of the things I'm most impressive with too, I have to say, Lori, is that the way that you have shown up on social media, because when I first met you, it was not like that at all. Like you, You are showing up. I love, uh, y'all gotta follow her on social media because the, what you share, the tips and the tools and how you are so authentically you is beautiful. So I just wanted to give huge, huge credit to you for all that you have accomplished in this past.

Thank you. Yeah.

It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. I've got like 2 pages of questions written out and highlights, and I want to talk about your book, which explores the theme of love and resilience and personal growth. But before we get into that, I love to share stories from struggles to success. And there was a time in your life which You didn't really love yourself. You didn't really have any, like, purpose. You were kind of lost, kind of on autopilot. And you know what? I think a lot of people are on autopilot in life. They wake up, they drink their coffee, they go to a job they're not satisfied with. They come home. It's, it's like Groundhog Day. You know, what was the turning point for you? When you realized, hey, this isn't working for me?

I wanted to run away. I wanted to run away from an amazing life. I mean, I have a life that a lot of people are envious of and always have. And even as a growing up, that's very true. And it's kind of followed me throughout my entire life. And my husband, like you said, he's a dentist. And so we have a very successful dental practice. But there was no amount of money, a house, a car, clothes, looks. There was nothing that would have been able to pay me to stay at that point. And I knew that wasn't me.

You've told me about a story about you just walking out of the house. Like you just walked out. Yeah.

To the end of my driveway. And I laughed at the fact that I could be halfway across the country before anybody even missed me.

Do you feel like your family, uh, your husband took you for granted?

No, I just lost myself.

How did you lose yourself?

I was so caught up in trying to be something I wasn't for everybody else, to keep everybody else kind of— not just, not my husband, not my family necessarily, but just try to fit a mold. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to make sure that I was I looked good, that everything was right, that I had a perfect looking life. Life isn't perfect. I don't care how hard we try. And I wanted everybody to believe that. And I had been so caught up in being his wife and being my girl's mom that I didn't know who I was. I was just like you said, hitting that button every morning, doing the same thing, going through the same routine. And one day it just hit me and I was like, I am miserable. And I was, and here's the thing, I was in church every Sunday. I was teaching women's Bible study and I was still miserable.

I want to go back to what you said. I mean, I think there's a lot of people out there that are miserable. They're not in alignment. And that leads to a lot of unhealthy habits, like drinking too much. To numb out, eating too much to numb out, scrolling through social media, gambling, whatever it may be, unhealthy habits. When, when you're not in alignment or you don't know yourself, how, what was the turning point that made you go back and go, wait, I, this is, I gotta save myself. I got to save my marriage. I got to be the person that I'm meant to be. What happened then?

I turned around and came home and I was like, I've got to do something different. This is not me. I'm not created for this. This is not who I am. And so I knew there had to be something that had to be done. I had a hard conversation with my husband, a very hard conversation with him. And I told him that I was not happy, that I was miserable.

And what'd that, what'd that look like? Oh my God. Was he shocked?

He was, he was, but he wasn't that. We have, we had a good marriage, but that moment we took a good marriage to an amazing marriage. And what I did is, I'll be honest with you, I walked into his office where he was studying and he was just going through some, um, continuing ed stuff. And I said, I need to talk to you. I said, I'm miserable.

Hmm.

I said, I have stuffed emotions. I have hidden who I am. I have walked behind this facade. I can't do it anymore. And I said, we have, and I, you know, literally gripping him with the broken masterpiece that I was at that moment. And no one—

What was that facade for you?

Trying to be perfect, trying to keep up a reputation of being perfect and Um, not, you know, not showing any emotions, not being, um, not telling people how I felt, being a people pleaser, um, not sharing, really not setting boundaries, not having, you know, not setting those boundaries for people. Um, but I was always afraid if I ever changed, they wouldn't like me.

What, what, what do you think Led you to be a people pleaser and striving for perfection? What, what led you to that behavior of, um, cause I'm an overcoming people pleaser. Don't get me wrong. Like, like, yeah. Uh, so what led you to that?

Not ever feeling like I was good enough. And that came from being in high, in high school, you know, just—

And what happened in high school?

It was a guy that I dated and it was that I never felt like I was good enough for him. And so I, I share and then, and then I actually got pregnant by someone else.

And how old were you?

I was 17.

17 and pregnant. And that's, that's crazy because I mean, look at what you've done. I say crazy. My nickname is crazy by my husband. So please don't take that the wrong way, y'all listening. But the reason I say it's crazy to me is not the crazy that that happened to you. It's crazy the thought that I just had that, oh my gosh, my daughter's gonna be like, she's a year and a half away from being the same age that you were pregnant. And she's just starting to get kind of boy crazy. And I'm just like, I try to talk to her about stuff and it's like to think of being pregnant.

At 17, I was a senior in high school, and I think where some of that not feeling good enough came from was, um, just the church that I was a member of at the time.

Well, I'm sure I was dis— Lori, I was disowned by my family when I got pregnant at 23 and I wasn't married because I was living in sin. Come from a very, very religious background. And when I got married, they finally came around. But how did your family react to that? How did the church react to that?

My family's amazing. My parents, I could not ask for 2 people to be more amazing than what they are. And my sisters are the same way. They all believed in me when I didn't believe in myself.

Wow.

And they stood 100% behind me, but the church, they wanted me to what they say, acknowledge, you know, get up in front of the congregation and apologize. And I did— I wouldn't do it.

They wanted you to get up in front of the congregation and apologize for being pregnant? Giving birth is a miracle. It's a blessing. And you gotta apologize?

It's a man-made rule, you know, and that's the thing. And I don't hold it against any of these people at all, and it's definitely not against God because that's not him. But I think just— and I— and what Probably one of the things that hit me the hardest, and when I think back about it, that really affected me more than I realized it affected me.

I'm sure.

But a friend came to my house one night and she was like, hey, there's a bunch of us going out this weekend. And my mom and dad always made sure that I still was able to do things. They wanted me to go and, and to have fun and live a little bit of a life like a teenager, even though I had a baby. And so they were like, yes, you go with them. So I went and she told me, she was like, there's this guy going and he's fun and he goes to church. And I was like, listen, there's not a decent guy on earth ever going to want to date me. And I said, so I'm not going with that intent. I'm just going to have a good time. Well, when I, when we pulled up that night, I was like, dang, I am in trouble because he is so good looking.

And he is good looking. I met him.

He is. And we had so much fun. We just had an amazing time. And I came home and told my mom, I said, I met the man that I'm gonna And she was like, how do you plan on doing this? And I said, I don't really know, but we'll figure it out. Wow. And I will say for, you know, we've been married 31 years now.

31 years. And y'all, if y'all are listening to this on like, you know, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you're listening, if you're not seeing it on YouTube, if you see Lori, you'll be like, what did you get married when you were 2? Because you look like you're in your 20s. It's unbelievable.

Well, thank you, Amberly, but no, I'm not. I'm, I'm knocking on 51 door real quick.

Oh yeah, I feel you. I'm, I'm there. I'm there already. But wow. So how old were you when you got married to your husband?

19.

19. Because I'm not good at doing math. I just wanted you to tell me real quick. Do me— get me the cheat sheet on that. So 19, and you have Learned how to communicate. You learned how to love yourself. You've learned your self-worth. What would you suggest to somebody who is having a hard time with loving themselves and just to practice a little more self-love? Where would they start?

Listen to the words that they say to themselves in silence, because we all have those voices in our heads. And so we all say things about ourselves. You know, I'm not good enough. I'm, I don't deserve that. I can't do that. You know, there's all kinds of things we tell ourselves. And so just listening to the words that we say to ourselves is huge.

Mm-hmm.

And I, I, it all goes back to, even in my, even with my clients, I'm not enough. And, and now I say like, according to who, like whose standards are you not good enough for? Because we're setting that standard for ourselves and what the world tells us we should be. That's not what, that's not what God tells us we should be.

Exactly. And you know what, y'all, she coaches women. She's a certified life coach and she coaches women and has had some amazing transformations with the women that she coaches. And so if you're listening and you're like, you know what, I, I want to feel like I'm enough. I want to tap into my joy. I want to be empowered. You got to contact Lori and, and all her info will be in the show notes because I really, really want you to know you're enough and be empowered. How do you improve your daily life when it's— you've been doing a lot, Lori. You've been doing a lot. There's a lot of people out there that are doing a lot, especially a lot of entrepreneurs that listen to the show.

Yeah.

And it's hard sometimes being an entrepreneur. It's nonstop. I mean, and look at me, I'm in my, my gym clothes, baseball cap, my hair's not done, but I picked going to the gym this morning rather than doing my hair. And so I was like, I got to take care of my body. How do you improve your daily life and how can others improve their daily life when we are so Back to back with stresses, anxiety, never-ending to-do list. What would you suggest?

One of the things I think that is so important is don't take life so seriously.

My husband says that all the time.

Take a couple hours. I mean, and when I say a couple hours, you may need 30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes afternoon to just chill out, go for a walk. Sit and read, meditate. Just have your normal daily routine that is taking care of yourself first, because if we can't take care of ourselves and we don't take care of ourselves, we aren't going to be good for anyone else. I can't be all I can be for my husband or my children or my grandchildren or any of my clients or you or anybody else in the Unstoppable Mastermind if I, if I don't take care of myself. That's drinking water. That's making sure we take our supplements. That's making sure you move your body. That is being in scripture. I'm, I'm 100% in. You need to read God's word. You need to be in a— with a group of people that are going to support you. There's all kind of things that I do on a daily basis. I reach out to somebody every day. I drink water.

What, what is your daily routine? I always like to know what people's day— I know we all need to develop our own routine that works for us, and we have our own— where our own non-negotiables and stuff like that. But what is your daily routine?

So I, before I even get out of the bed, I, I read.

You do? You do before you get out of bed, huh?

I roll over and pick it up.

Oh, well, see, I wake up and it's dark outside. My husband's beside me snoring usually. Sorry, honey, but he is. So I do like to read, but there's no way I can get out of bed and do that before I have to Get up and get out of the room and find some light. What time do you wake up?

5:30.

5:30. And so you wake up and you read a daily devotional. I love that.

And then I go move my body. So I'll go exercise for 30 minutes. Listen, I am not, I don't like exercise and I'm not even gonna lie to you and tell you that I do. I do not like to exercise, but I go, I will move. I will exercise for 30 minutes.

What do you do?

And then I start getting my ready. I do Beachbody.

You do? Oh, okay. So you're right there at your house. That's good.

Yeah, I don't leave. I lift or lift weights, do something just to make sure that I move my body.

And the thing is, like, people go, oh, I don't have time to go to the gym. Well, look, you can do a quick workout at home. And also there's like so many free workouts on YouTube nowadays. Like, there are free apps, there's free— I mean, it's Unbelievable what you can do. But yeah, I know that for me, I have got to move my body or I just, I don't feel good mentally. I do it for my mental state. So you read your devotional, you move your body, and then what?

I drink a lot of water.

Yeah.

I start getting ready. So I start getting ready right out of the, you know, taking my supplements. I always drink some kind of green juice. Every morning.

You do?

I do. And then, um, I make sure that I drink at least half of my body weight every day in water and just go about my day, start my day. And I have my day pretty well scheduled, so I know that, you know, by 8 o'clock I need— if I'm going to the office to help Ken that day, which I do that for 2 half days a week, I, I make sure that I'm there by 8 o'clock and I get everything that I need to get done About there. And then I leave there and I come straight here and start working.

Yeah. I'm blown away by all you've accomplished. I have loved seeing you just step up and like, it, it's been amazing. It, it really is so fulfilling for me to see you shine the way that you're doing and your podcast just blow up. And all that you're doing is, is just amazing. There's so many people that struggle with self-worth, and I know a lot of y'all have to follow Lori on social media. But even when— I love how authentic you are. And even when you were writing your book and you had those self-doubts, like, oh gosh, I don't know, should I be writing this? Is anybody gonna read it? Is anybody gonna— buy it. And I had the same thoughts, like the same thoughts. And I still do. Like, actually, I'm sharing this for the first time on the podcast, but I just signed a book deal and I'm like, oh my gosh, I have a— I'm having a manuscript by August of 2024. It's going to publish. Like, it's wild. And I still have those thoughts of, And my husband was like, oh my gosh, it took you 2 years to write your first book. How are you going to pull this off with all you're doing and blah, blah, blah. And I mean, I don't need that. I got my own thoughts in my head and my self-doubt. What do you do when self— before we get into your book, what do you do when self-doubt creeps in?

So it's going to, I don't care who you are, self-doubt is going to creep in. And I just, I ask myself, I challenge those questions. Is this really true about me? Can I really not do this? You know, and I ask, what do I want the outcome to be? So I really go through and ask myself, I challenge these questions that come in my head if they're true or not. And I want to know the answer to that. And then I think about like, really, what, what does God say about me? So I always turn it back around because every self-doubt we have, there's always something in the scripture that's going to counteract that.

Speaking of that. You have a favorite quote that I love. It says, the pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming from scripture. I love that. Is that something that is like one of your mantras?

It is. It is. Yeah. And I just believe that that's so true because we, we all are going to experience pain. And that we are there. We're no different from anyone else. We're all people and we're all going to experience pain no matter where you're at in life. And no matter how much money you have or how much money you don't have, you're going to experience pain.

Mm-hmm.

But you can use that pain to either catapult you into a better life and finding who you are and that becoming part of your purpose, or you can allow that to, to take you down. And I've never allowed the pain to take me down. I didn't want to ever be a statistic. And so I've always wanted to find that joy. Even in those moments of despair, I've always wanted to find that joy.

How does someone find the joy that's going through a hard time? Take me through some steps to really go, okay, this is how you tap into your joy.

I, I would be not being truthful if I told you that everything I did didn't go back to my relationship with Christ. And so everything I do goes back to that.

Mm-hmm.

And that's where it comes from. And I have to believe what his word tells me. As a matter of fact, I bank my life on that.

Mm-hmm.

On everything that his scripture tells me. So even when the worst thing in the world can happen to you, then we have to look at it at a way that Is this going to benefit him? Is this part of his story? And, you know, is— am I playing part of his story in this? And I guess one time, Amberly, my dad probably taught me that, to live that out more than anything. And that was when my mom had gotten really sick. And, you know, he just reminded me one day, he was like, Lori, as much as I want her here, if that's not God's plan, Then there's nothing that we can do. We have to, but we have to trust his plan in this. That was not his plan. My mother is great, but thankfully, but you know, he, that really taught me just, Lord, really trust the plan. Yeah.

To let go and let God.

Yeah. Because we have to. And so that's one thing that I do. I go back to that. It's, it's hard. It is so hard sometimes to go back to that. But also look at, you know, am I going to allow this to destroy who I am and define who I am? Or am I going to let this be a refocus, change my perspective, and move forward out of this situation? And what lesson can I learn from this? Because there always can be a lesson that's learned through that.

I, I agree. And yeah, you know what? I, I have to admit, a lot of times I get into self-will and I'm like, I need to be reminded. I got— I need to put God in the driver's seat. And, um, I even—

We all do. We all do that, Amberly. I mean, it's, it, you know, it doesn't matter. I don't, I don't care if you're the most religious person on earth, got the best relationship with God, you're still going to do that from time to time.

Yeah, I forget sometimes. And, and, you know, I've been, I got sober back in 2016. I've got a, a great sponsor who I connect with every day. I mean, sometimes a couple times a day. And she said to me, ask God to walk beside you today. And I'm like, thank you for that reminder. And then I always remember a frog, fully rely on God.

Mm-hmm.

I have a friend that that gave me some frog earrings and it's like fully rely on God. And it's so true. But thank you for saying that, that sometimes you struggle with that too. Like you, yeah, because it can be hard.

That's the only way that we can get through any situation is just, you know, believing him. I always say believe the promise and trust in the process.

Because there are promises that come throughout scripture. True. Yes. That was one of the hardest things actually. And that's something that you ladies did for me that, oh my goodness, every morning I hear the wind chime. So my stepdad passed away and y'all gave me this beautiful wind chime in memory of my stepdad. And my stepdad used to text me every single morning a message and scripture. And I mean, every single morning he would text me. And I think of you and my stepdad because every morning I wake up and I hear that wind chime. So even though he can't text me, I, and I'm in remembrance of him because I hear that wind chime. So thank you for that. I just wanted to mention that really quick because—

And those memories, you know, those good memories, people want to focus so many times on the negative. Why don't we just focus on the positive? We can always find the good in something like that.

Oh yeah.

And think about those good times. Think about the good times that made you laugh. Don't focus on all the negative things that, that happened. Just even if it's one good memory, stick that in your memory bank and every once in a while pull it out and just think about it.

That's so such great, great advice to focus on the positive. That makes all the difference. So much is about your, just your, your mindset. Okay. I've got more questions. I've got like 2 pages of questions.

Sorry.

I'm like, I got like 2 pages of questions. This is something like, okay, if y'all aren't watching on YouTube and you're listening, Lori has a big sign behind her that says hope. And I think that we need that more than ever right now with what's going on in the world. There are a lot of people that are hopeless. I mean, I've got really close friends. I've got a family member that is just like given up. Like, they're like, well, I guess this is how it's going to be. And I'm about to die. And I'm just like, oh my gosh, let's get some hope. What do you say to people who need hope?

Again, I mean, I have to go back to what scripture tells me and I have to just, I have to really believe in that. And it's all connecting our heart and our mind together. And a lot of people, they believe it in their head and they know these things in their head, but they can't get their heart wrapped around that. And so it's that disconnect between our heart and our head. And we have to get those 2 in alignment together and, and figure out, you know, that there is hope out there. It may not look like you expected it to. And that's the thing I think that led a lot of people, lead them into despair and to giving up, is they expected life to be one way, or they expected someone else to be one way. And that expectation can't be fulfilled.

Mm-hmm.

And I tell people all the time, so if I'm going to allow someone else to decide whether I'm hopeless or not. I'm giving them the key to my life. They're driving, they're driving my, my happiness and they, they can't handle it. They don't have the, the emotional intelligence. They don't have the capacity to be able to handle it at the level that I need it. So I can't hand, they don't hand them my keys. And so I, I keep that in mind is when we become hopeless, a lot of times we've, we've put that expectation on someone else.

It's so true. That's so good, Lori, because so many people, it's like, I mean, I have a family member who just listens to the doctor that says that they're really sick and all these horrible things. And I'm like, why don't you tap into your own heart? Maybe get some other advice, maybe turn to scripture, like you say. And you're so right. I never thought of it like that.

And I will tell you this because we can, um, go back to my mom, for instance, for being sick. The doctor told us that there was no hope for my mom when she came out of surgery that day. And we go, I go with my mom and dad to the doctor about a week later. And he said, you know, there's really nothing else we can do. And I said, oh yeah, there is. And he said, no, no, there's not. And I said, yes, there is. And I said, we'll find it. I said, I'm not going to settle for one answer.

Mm-hmm. Good for you.

Give me 3 people with the same answer and I'll take it, but I'm not going to take it from just one person.

Oh my gosh. I love that. Do you know that when I was diagnosed with CRPS, the first doctor told me one thing, I had CRPS. The next doctor, I was like, I don't believe you. Next doctor. Same thing. Third doctor, I was like, I broke down in tears. I was like, okay, 3 doctors in a row. I guess this is what I'm going to have to accept and move on. How did you get through that with your mom being sick? What did y'all do?

We, I found a place. I had 2 choices and one was MD Anderson in Houston and one was a place in Jacksonville. I can't remember the name of it. It's a little slip in my mind. And I, I told them, I said, don't send, you know, I want some of those paraffin blocks, all the stuff that they've got, you know, those little things that they send to choose the, for the cells on and with the cancer to, to determine all that. I said, I don't want it all sent to one place. I want it sent in 2 different places because I wanna know what they're, what they say.

Yeah.

So I had it sent to MD Anderson and they called us and they were like, okay, we can take her and this is what, this is what you have. And so they told us and I'm like, oh goodness. Okay. So my, my dad, mom, sisters, and I drove out to Houston. And when we got there, they had mom in a different department. So what she was diagnosed with here was not what my mom had and what they treated her for.

Wow. That's wild.

And they told us there was, that happens a lot, a whole lot. And I will forever believe that it may have been that here. But God changed it in between here and there. And I will forever believe that she was supposed to be at MD Anderson because they wouldn't have treated her here. And we were told that by a doctor, they wouldn't treat her here for that. And so I wasn't—

Well, thank God for you. Thank God for you.

Well, and we were all 5 in agreement on it. My, my family and I were very close and we were all 5 in agreement. Hey, we're, we're going to do something. You know, we're not going to give up that easy. Because why would we give up on something that we don't know? We don't have the answer to that, but why would we give up if we still got— if you still have breath in your lungs, you still have a purpose. And don't give up on that purpose until that breath is gone. You are still— you're still here for a reason.

How does someone tap into their purpose?

Well, you have to know first of all, like, who you are. I think that you— it all comes with knowing who you are.

Mm-hmm.

And knowing and looking at your situation. My husband, when I met him, he was gonna be an op— he was gonna be an optometrist. And—

Really? Well, that reminds me, I need to go to the eye doctor. Look, I got 2 sets of glasses here. He was gonna be an eye doctor?

He was. And so when we, we got married and moved to Birmingham, and that was the plan, and my husband didn't get into school the first year, into optometry school. His sister and his brother-in-law did. But he didn't. You know, we were just like, okay, then we'll just apply next year. You know, we'll just keep, because we're not gonna give up. We're still gonna keep trying. We've got, we've got a goal.

Mm-hmm.

And in the midst of that, he met someone else who introduced him to the world of dentistry. And it's very hands-on. My husband is very much a let's tear it apart and rebuild it kind of man. And so dentistry was exactly what he needed. And I believe that we just need to always be looking for those opportunities to tap into part of our purpose. Because if my husband hadn't have been aware that, hey, there's maybe another option here, it's not all gonna be just be optometry. There may be another option here. So let's investigate that.

Mm-hmm.

You know, and so he's now, he's a very successful dentist and he would've been miserable as an optometrist. He really would've. He just wouldn't have, it wouldn't have been exciting enough for him.

Yeah. For me, I love that he just came out with you and I got to meet him in person. Yeah. So we had a, a mastermind meetup. And, um, I've convinced my husband to let me have meetups at the house. And so I had all the ladies over here at the house, and then, um, we always do something, a day of fun afterwards. And this time what we did is I played in the celebrity softball tournament, and Lori came with her husband, and I got to meet your, your husband. He's so sweet. He was— He is sweet. Oh my goodness. It was so awesome. I'm glad y'all came. Yeah, I, I didn't actually— they wanted, they wanted me to play second base. I was like, second base? Are you kidding me? Like, I'm gonna get hit in the face with the ball. And I had to talk to the coach. I was like, maybe you should let one of the professional athletes play second base. I want to just go hang out with my friends in the stands. But it was for a good cause. It was for a good cause.

It was a lot of fun. Thank you for doing that.

Oh, and I think it's important to, to find time to have fun and do those things. And do you think that's part of tapping into your joy is finding time to have fun?

Oh, I believe you always have to. I believe in working hard, but I believe in playing harder. Oh, I like that, girl. My daddy taught— my daddy says that. So I believe that there's always— you gotta work hard because you gotta be able to, you know, there's things you gotta take care of. You gotta work. I mean, we have to work. We need to be working for a living. We really do. You know, people need to really get to work. But I believe with that, you also can find time for laughter. You also can find time for fun. And I believe that you have to laugh every day. Laughter is actually one of my values.

I love it. Tell me all your values.

So it is, it's faith, it is love, it is authenticity, and it is fun.

I love that. What do you do for fun?

Oh, we do a lot of things.

Um, I'm just laughing because I know what you do, Lori. I know what you do, girl.

So my husband, we do really have a good time. Um, we ride on the side-by-side. We do. We ride on the side-by-side. We laugh. Um, one of our favorite things, and this is just so old school and probably so backwoods, but it's okay. We will roll the windows down and turn the music up really loud and sing and just have a really good time and listen to country music or old rock or something and just have a really— we really have a good time. And we don't, we really don't take life so seriously. We, we did at one time and it, we weren't happy, neither one of us. So we've just learned to laugh about a whole lot because there's, we can't control 90% of the things we can control. So we've just learned to laugh about that other, that 10%, that, you know, that 90% we can't control and only just really handle that 10%.

I, I love that. And you know what? We, We do the same thing. Actually, yesterday, Ruby and I, we have a golf cart. It's all like lights on it. It's all blinged out. You know, it's a thing here in Texas is riding around in a golf cart. It's like a glorified golf cart and there's a speaker system on it. And so Ruby and I take Goldie, our little 2-pound pup, and we go for a golf ride and we've got the music going. And I love, since we moved here, Ruby Is in, in the country and cowboys. I'm like, yes. But we just had the music blaring, the country music, our little dog, and, and, and she knows her whole way around town. So she drives all over town. We went to see longhorns. There's a camel down the street. Like, it's, it's awesome. So it's the little things. And even this morning, like, even this morning on the way to the gym, something that helped. Music is so powerful.

It is.

Sunday, we were talking about this before we started recording. Sunday, gospel music at church this Sunday brought me to tears. I mean, I seriously, I was like, oh my gosh, it was beautiful. This morning to the gym, I was listening to songs by Sheryl Crow and Alanis Morissette and cranking it up. Like, I felt like I was back in my 20s. You know, um, I think music is powerful. So it's the little things you don't have to do big extravagant things. I like your idea of just rolling the windows down.

We don't do— we don't act our age either.

Yeah, I forget. I forget I'm 51.

We take risks. We have a good, you know, we just, we really find a lot of fun things to do. Simple things though. You know, we love to fish.

We love to, you know, we love to fish too. But you know what also that I love that You did, like you texted me this morning and you were like, hey, my family's coming out to see me speak at the event. And I was like, oh my gosh, your family's coming. And you like got tickets for your whole family is coming to support you when you get on the stage to speak at Unstoppable Success Summit in April. And I can't wait to see you take the stage. You're such an incredible speaker. What's the title of your talk?

Well, I haven't got a great title yet, but it really—

You've got your talk down. Like, your talk, you have like nailed it. You've already told me part of it and it's amazing.

Yeah. So it's probably going to be something along the lines of when you turn, making a turn in your life, and what does that turn look like? Or, you know, something along those lines.

Well, I think that the title of things is the hardest thing ever. Like, I wrote 90% of my book. And I was like, I don't know what I'm going to call the book. I don't know. I don't know. And it took me—

Burning Hope was not the title of my book originally.

So I want to talk about that. Burning Hope. It's themes of love, resilience, and personal growth. I have read— you've— so you gave me part of your book, most of it that you had written. And I'm like, oh my gosh, you're such a talented writer. It's amazing. I've already preordered it. I can't wait for it. It's coming out soon. Tell us a little bit about what inspired you to write your book and what the book is about.

I've always loved writing and had, and I had that hidden in my heart for years to write a book since I was probably a little girl and no one ever really knew it. I didn't, I never really, because I don't have a college education. So there again, you know, that voice in your head, you can't do this, you know?

So here we go.

Right.

So, yep.

So I was like, okay, we're gonna try this. So what happened was my daughter, my youngest daughter and her husband met at an accident where my daughter actually saved someone's life. Mm-hmm. And her husband was the fireman that landed the, um, Life Force helicopter. So whenever they met and, you know, I just think that was such a dramatic meeting, you know, and they saw each other and it was kind of like they sparkles in their eyes, even though it was a terrible tragedy whenever they met, you know, with this accident. But she would talk about him, and I was like, I could tell there was something kind of different. Well, so I told them when they started dating, I was like, "Y'all are living my New York Times bestseller," and everybody would laugh, and they would just joke. You know, they'd be like, "Sure, whatever, ha ha ha." And I started taking notes three. It's been three and a half years ago, and so I.

How old was she when she met him?

Twenty.

Twenty.

Oh yeah. So I started taking notes about like their different things throughout, and I was just different things that I, I even myself was going through, you know, I would take notes of and I just kind of put it all together and I submitted it and they were like, yeah, we'll take it. And it's, it, that's—

So tell us who your publisher is.

My publisher is Paige Dunnigan.

Oh, I love Paige.

I love Paige too. She's amazing.

I love her.

And we, we've become very good friends. It's really a story about someone who grows up very safe. They've always been safe all their life because they grew up in a household where it was all good. Everything looked perfect. And then when they go to college, they kind of waver over to the other side and they want to experience life on the other side just a little bit. And so when, when that happens, they kind of fall into the worldly pleasures and get entangled in that. And then they have to find their way back because they're hurt and they find theirself in a place they never wanted to be. And so they have to come back to that safe place and it may not look the same. And then of course they feel like, you know, I'm not worthy. I'm not enough. I can't do this because I've done this other stuff in my past. That's not true. That's, there's nothing in that that's truth. You're never too far gone to go back to hope.

Hmm. And I love that you talk a lot about forgiveness as well. Like you even talk about it on your social media.

I do talk a lot about forgiveness because we have to learn to forgive ourselves first. And we have to learn to forgive other people. And it's not for the other person. It is totally for us. If you expect, again, that expectation, if you expect someone to apologize to you, you may be waiting till, well, you may never get an apology.

Oh, believe me. I know my ex-husband. Do you think he is ever going to apologize? Never.

And then you're living with that. And like I even—

So I'm like, oh well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we hear, I heard this morning, you know, it's like you drinking poison expecting other person to die.

Mm-hmm.

It's not gonna happen.

Mm-hmm.

So we have to learn to forgive that person and just move on with life and just not, again, not take things so seriously. And that's a lot of what the book is about is just moving, learning to move on with your life and being able to pick yourself up after you have fallen. And then other people also learning to love who you are and accept you for who you are and you allowing other people to love you.

I love that. And I love that Paige is publishing her book. She's amazing.

Paige is amazing.

She is. I mean, I, I, you met her in, in the mastermind, in the mastermind, I did in the mastermind on a call and what she shared was amazing. I cannot wait for people to read your book. Tell us the date that it's coming out.

So it's going to be available on Amazon on, um, December 1st.

December 1st, y'all, it's out. Actually, it's out because when they, when y'all are hearing this, this is going to be released on December 6th. So it's out there. Go get it. Go run. Don't walk. Go get her book.

Exactly. And it really is good. It's just a, it's a, my goal in the book was that all your senses was touched, that you were able to, to hear it, to see it, to smell it, to feel it when you read it throughout the entire book. And that's what I wanted. I wanted the, I wanted the reader to, number one, see theirself in some of those pages of the book, to know that there's always hope that they can go back. But I also wanted them to be able to sit in those same places where Gabby and Griffin are sitting. and be able to see themselves in those.

Oh, beautiful, beautiful. Um, and then you're having a book signing too.

I am, on December the 16th, in my, in my hometown that I grew up in.

I think that is amazing, and I'm really going to try to get there. I'm gonna— I know, I'm gonna be out of the country, and I don't know if I can get Back, or—

I'm willing to travel for a book signing if somebody else wants to have one somewhere. I will travel to sign a— for a book signing.

Well, you know what, Lori, what you have to do is we need to get a book signing arranged for you here in Dallas when you're out here in, in Dallas for the event.

Yeah.

Anywhere you travel, wherever you're going, even if you're going for a family vacation, You call the areas, the bookstores there first and say, hey, I'm gonna be in town. I'm a bestselling author. I'd love to bring my audience to your store. Could we arrange a book signing? So let's talk after this. Sorry, I'm into my coaching mode where I'm— Okay.

It's in us.

Uh, yeah, it's, it's in us for sure. Both of us. Like, even when we first got on the call, you were saying, hey, this is what we could do. And I'm like, hey, this is what we can do. That's the, that is the joy of being with like-minded, passionate people who want to make a positive impact in the world. And I prayed for you. I prayed for you, Lori. I prayed when I started my mastermind. I was like, I prayed for faith-filled.

Mm-hmm.

Passionate women who want to make a positive impact. And that's who you are. And that's what you're doing. I mean, I am amazed at all you've done with your podcast, the way that you show up on social media and you're making this positive impact. And now you have this book.

Oh my gosh.

Oh, and you even have a coaching program. We didn't even get into your coaching program. Oh my gosh. You've got beyond enough coaching to help people live a joyful life. Tell people how, and I know we're running out of time. I'm sorry. I just love talking to you. Yes. You're beyond enough coaching to help people live a joyful life. How do they reach you for that?

To my website, which is laurie-mccaffey-coaching.com. And they just can click on a little link there that takes them right into my coaching program and they can start scheduling sessions with me then.

Yeah, I love that. And I also love that y'all, if you go to her Instagram, that link is here in the show notes and you can even go into her bio and you can find how to preorder her book or buy By then, by now, you're going to be able to order her book. You can even schedule a call. You're amazing that people can schedule a call with you. So if you go to her Instagram, so I'm just so excited for you, Lori. I'm so happy for you. I'm so proud for you for all the work that you have done. I know that writing a book is like, woo, it's, it's a lot.

It's a lot.

It's going to be worth it, and it's going to change lives, and it's going to be a bestseller. Probably already is if it's preordered all the people that you have had preorder. But anyway, thank you for being on the show. Thank you for being so amazing. Y'all come see her, meet her in person. She's going to have some books at the event in April that she could sign for you if I twist. I'm going to twist your arm to see if you have time to sign books, but she's going to be on stage. And you do not want to miss her talk because I've seen her speak and she's amazing. So anyway, uh, that link for the Unstoppable Life, uh, or Unstoppable Success Summit will be in the show notes as well. So y'all come hear Lori speak on stage. Lori, I love you so much.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for being on the show and thank you for all you do to make a positive impact.

So you do as well.

Thank you. And y'all, thank you for tuning in. And I appreciate you being here. And because of you, you have seriously made this show. You're the reason this show is a top 1% podcast. I appreciate you tuning in and subscribing because it makes all the difference. And my goal is to provide you with the most amazing people. Like Lori, but, um, thank you for tuning in, and we will see you next week.

Bye.