Nourish Your Spirit with Brad Jensen

Thank you for tuning in to the True Grit and Grace podcast. I'm Amberly Lago, and I'll be sharing inspirational stories of resilience and empowering ideas to elevate your business and your life, ignite your passion, and fuel your purpose. Hey there, and thanks for tuning in. I have The legendary Brad Jensen here with us. You may know him as the Sober Bodybuilder on IG. He truly lives a lifestyle of health and wellness and shares how you don't need fad diets, you don't need like some quick fix. What you need is accountability, hard work to get real results. I love how he shares his journey and with such authenticity. And so grateful to have you here on the show with us. Thank you, Brad, for being here.

Thank you. It's an honor. I'm stoked to be here.

Oh my goodness. Okay, I'm gonna keep it real with y'all. It has been some technical difficulties, and we are bound and determined to share his transformational journey with you. That we had— we had to start over, but we're back. And I think it's because this message really needs to be heard. And so thank you, Brad, for your patience. Thanks for being here on the show. And I want to get right into it because we were recording and we were right into a spot where I was like, oh no, I want to hear this part because your story is incredible and I so relate to it from every aspect, from Your fitness journey and from the addiction. I was saying how, you know, I was always into fitness, and then when I couldn't do that anymore after my motorcycle accident is when I got in trouble with drinking. And I would love for you to share a little bit how fitness has saved your life and it's given you this life of joy and where you have successful businesses and programs, and you're really sharing how other people can have a healthy lifestyle as well. So can we go back to when you were little and you first discovered drugs and alcohol, and how you got to where you are, and how you got sober and have the life that you have? So thank you again for being here.

Yeah, no, thank you. It's funny, both of us have done Tons of podcasts. And I think one of the glitches we experienced was the first for both of us. So the opposition is real, but we're gonna get this done. So I'm honored to be here. I've always had most respect for you and what you do and your message. And so it's fun to be on here. But, you know, sum it up a little shorter than I did. But I grew up a little chubby kid, and I kind of hit a big chubby phase about 10 to 12 years old, you know. And I was telling you that if I could go back and just give that kid a hug and be like, bud, you're gonna hit puberty, you're fine. Like, I thought I was the most obese human known to man, but it turns out I was just a chubby 12-year-old. Like, Super normal. I hadn't hit the growth spurt, hadn't hit the puberty. A little too much Nintendo, a little too much junk food. Junk food was my first addiction. I really, really— like, my mom was like, I think you eat too much. I was like, thanks. You know, it was, um, I was teased by my friends. Not, not, uh, I wasn't shoved in lockers, but I was always the butt end of the joke. And I laughed it off and tried to pretend like it didn't bother me, but it did. And, uh, about 12 or 13 years old, I was offered alcohol for the first time. And I remember thinking, oh, I can't do that. That's for adults. And then everyone else was. So of course I did. And I hated the taste. I was like, that is awful. About 20 minutes later, I thought, this is pretty great. I can be me.

Well, it's just crazy that you were 12, 13 years old. And I think that's when that stuff starts to happen. And right at the time around when you're struggling. And I see, you know, my daughter, my youngest daughter is 13. And just when you said 12, 13, I'm like, my gosh, you know, she's at the age where she just went to her first teenage party. And I'm like, wow, that's when it's starting to happen, at those years. And I look at her as being so young and innocent, and I'm like, I— she knows I'm, I, I'm very open with me being sober and the struggles that I had with alcohol. And she saw some of that, unfortunately, too. And so she knows about alcohol, but just to think that she's at the age you were when you were offered your first drink and you didn't like the taste, but you're like, huh, maybe this is the solution. It kind of makes me feel good.

Yeah, it's crazy. I have, I have nieces and nephews that age and I'm like, oh, they would never do that. And then I'm like, maybe they would because my parents didn't think I was doing it right. And they had no idea. I'd tell them I'm going to sleep at my friend Todd's house, you know? And they were like, Todd's great. Little do they know we're breaking into the parents' liquor cabinet, going to the basement. And so that continued for a while until I picked up a fitness magazine when I was about 15 and I couldn't tell you why I did it. I was drawn to it. My mom was buying a book in a bookstore. I was joking that people used to go to bookstores, kind of weird.

Right!

And I picked up this magazine. I was enthralled and I thought, I want to look like that guy. And I remember I just started reading and it was for whatever reason, the first time I'd been passionate about probably anything in my whole entire life to that point. I was 15. So, you know, and I started applying what these magazines were telling me. I was, you know, I went on these diets and they were probably for like a bikini girl competitor. I don't remember, but I remember it was very low calories.

And, um, you're like, yeah, I'll do whatever that bikini girl's doing. She's ripped. Let me have some egg whites.

She's ripped. Maybe I'll get her on a date if I keep going on this route. So I, I got a gym membership when I was 16, fell in love. It— and during that time, I also learned that alcohol was bad for building muscle. And I didn't quite know how to interpret that information. Luckily, I interpreted it as like, holy crap, if I drink, I'm gonna never build biceps. And so, which isn't the case, right? But it's not advantageous. So I stopped drinking cold turkey. Boom, wasn't gonna do it. Fell in love with the gym. That's what I would do. And but I still felt this need to like want to escape. Like, I wanted to party, but I just didn't want to— I didn't want to drink. And it was my junior year of high school. So I was 17 years old. And I remember clear as day, somebody offered me some pain pills, a buddy at a party. And I remember thinking, I literally told him, oh, I'm not in pain though. And he laughed at me. And he said, no, no, no, all the buff guys that I looked up to at my gym, they're doing them. That's who I got them from. They'll, they'll make you feel like you're drunk, but you don't have a hangover. You go out and the next day you can work out. And I said, awesome. Let me take them! And about 30 minutes later when they hit me, I remember thinking, this is the feeling I want the rest of my life! I remember where I was, the kitchen, what it looked like. I remember the brown cabinets. I remember everything about that moment because I literally felt in that moment like I had arrived! I was— I was getting buff and I finally found something that I was like, whoa! Now, this is next level! And so, I should have caught some warning signs early on because, you know, by the time I was a senior, I wasn't, I wasn't doing this like a normal person. Like, I, I mean, my buddies would take them on the weekends sometimes, only sometimes. I wanted them all the time. So by the time I was a senior, I found out that you could go to Tijuana, Mexico, go to the farmacias, and you take off your door panels with, you know, drill gun. You stuff them full of everything you can in that farmacia from, you know, all narcotics and steroids and you put the door panels back on and you drive through the border and they don't stop you. And so, I did it not knowing the amount of federal felonies I was committing. I was just kind of idiot savant, young kid. And so, that's where my entrepreneurship began, I joke, because I started selling all of these pills.

But isn't that crazy? Like, you were like, whatever it takes to get the fix that I want, you know, I'm gonna drive to Mexico. It's like the thinking that we have, like, how can I make this work? To get what I need. And yeah, that, that's a great skill as an entrepreneur for sure. And I love how you in every way can compare your sobriety journey or your addiction and, and to your entrepreneurial skills. And I have really heard that some of the most successful people in the world are recovering alcoholics and recovering addicts because we have that drive to get whatever it is that we want or need.

Yeah, yeah, that tenacity, like, you can't teach. And it was like I was doing it from a young age, not even knowing it. And then, you know, I was, I was selling pills and, um, you know, I have like a ledger. And like, again, I didn't really understand just how, like, what I was doing could get me in big trouble. You know, you're, you're, you're untouchable and invincible as an 18-year-old kid. Like, I didn't You know, really think it was that big of a deal. And, and so this continued the later half of my senior year of high school. And what happened was, I mean, during that time too, I remember my parents telling me, we got to look at colleges. And I remember thinking, why would I want to go to college? I hate school. Like, I hated school. I passed barely, not because I wasn't intelligent, because I just didn't want to be there.

But you're like, I got this business on the side and it's doing pretty well.

They were a little concerned why I had so much cash. But, uh, I want to ask you something though, like, what are—

because I got in trouble with alcohol. I took a pill, um, and this is— this isn't even something that I've talked about a lot, but I got sober. I know you got sober in 2012. I got sober in 2016. This last July, I was You know, and I, I could give you all the excuses in the world, as alcoholics or addicts can, but for, for one, for whatever reason, I did not reach out to my sponsor. I wanted that relief. I wanted that, just that escape. And I took a pain pill. Not— I, I live with a lot of pain, but I took it for the wrong reason. And I knew in that moment that I lost my sobriety. And I didn't feel good. I didn't feel high. I didn't feel good. I didn't feel anything but shame and disgust and sadness. And I knew the next morning— and I just went to bed. My healthy fear of ever getting addicted to pills was so much stronger, thank goodness. And I had so much program in me that I woke up the very next morning and went and talked to my sponsor. And I said, I blew it. I screwed up. I took a pill. And a lot of— and I didn't tell my husband. I didn't tell any anyone else because I didn't want to hear anybody say, oh, it was just one pill, but you have pain all the time. I knew that I took it for the wrong reason. And I have heard that getting, you know, clean from, you know, sober from alcohol is one thing, and addiction with pills is a whole other thing. And I never want to have to— get clean or detox from that. So luckily I knew to go to my sponsor, but I just wondered, like, I think it's so weird how a pill can affect one person in one way and the chemistry of it can affect someone else in a whole other way. And I, I had said to my sponsor, I was like, wow, I wish it would have made me feel great, or I wish it would have been like, oh, this is my solution. But I'm thankful that it wasn't. It didn't make me feel good. So I luckily have now been sober and have not taken a pill for that, or, or drink, thankfully. Um, but there's been a lot of shame about it. There's been a lot of sadness. And I just wondered, like, with the pills you were taking them, they were making you feel good. What kind of side effects did you have? How did your life start crumbling? Did your parents— other than just you having all this cash? Were there other side effects? And I'm asking you this for other parents out there that might think that there's something maybe a little off with their kid, or, or maybe anybody out there who's wondering, hmm, do I really need to take that pill? Maybe this is their wake-up call. Um, what are some of the side effects that you were experiencing?

Yeah, well, first off, thank you for sharing that. And it's, it's, it's funny how we We put this importance on like— I had a buddy that, uh, that, you know, had 5 years of sobriety, smoked weed one night, and it was after he was going through a divorce and he just wanted to escape. And he didn't smoke— he smoked a lot, and it— and he says, I blew it. And it's funny now, that was 5 years ago. The last 5 years, I think his sobriety has been so much stronger. And even though he has 5 years, not 10, I'm like, you've been sober every day but one in 10 years. That's pretty damn good, dude. Like, it does— anyway, so thanks for sharing that.

And—

Thank you.

Thank you. I was beating myself up pretty bad.

Because you could have just said, well, I didn't do anything, right? I mean, gosh, that's where my head would have went. I would have been like, well, you don't have to count that, right? Um, that's where that sick part of my head goes. But you know, this— the side effects were— what happened was I didn't want to go to college, so I got certified as a personal trainer while still in high school. So I was the youngest personal trainer that Valley Total Fitness, which has since gone out of business, had ever hired that they— that they were aware of. I was like, you're barely 18, okay. And so I started working there, moved out of my house, moved out of my parents', moved in my own little apartment. What happened during that time was somebody else had gotten busted down there at the border. They got stuck in a Mexican prison. I was terrified. I thought, I'm too pretty to go to prison. I'm not doing this. So I knew—

I'm too pretty to go to prison. I love that.

And then I ended up doing a lot of jail time. So, and so I The, the stash I had was gonna run out. And I had had this just, you know, kind of, uh, plentiful mix for— and I'd been doing them daily essentially for 6 or 8 months, I don't remember. And sometimes more than others, but always daily, just a little bit sometimes, sometimes a lot. And my parents knew I partied, but they thought I was just drinking. And I shouldn't say just drinking, but Um, they didn't know that when those pain pills ran out, I thought, okay, it's time for me to grow up, right? It's time for me to grow up. We'll just move on from this. And I had heard about these things called withdrawals, but I didn't really know what they were like. I wasn't selling to junkies. I was selling to high school kids that were doing them on weekends. So I didn't see the withdrawals, the pain, the anguish. And when it hit me, I, I remember that that was withdrawals. I was the sickest I'd ever been, not only physically, but the worst panic attacks emotionally, mentally. I felt like I was in prison. And, and, you know, from a series of a call to a call to a friend to a friend, ended up with somebody who had some heroin. And I remember thinking, this is—

I didn't know that part of your story. Yeah.

So I remember thinking, this is the line in the sand I've drawn. Like, I don't— that's gross, right? I came from a middle-class, you know, religious family. I didn't— I wasn't You know, I— the heroin was like, oh, that's gross.

But you know what? Addiction doesn't discriminate. I remember thinking, I'm married to a lieutenant commander with the California Highway Patrol. He, when I told him I had a problem with alcohol, was like, no, no, no, wait, I arrest people that are alcoholics. You are not an alcoholic. I'm like, uh, yeah, I, I am actually. I learned that You know what, it doesn't matter where you come from, what you look like, how much money you have, what race you are. It doesn't— addiction does not discriminate. And so, you know, no. And so when it came to the heroin, was that like, maybe that's a choice for me?

I initially said no. I ended up at this friend's house who was like, I think I can get you something to help. And I'm thinking like, you know, maybe, I don't know, something to taper with or— and his brother showed it. He had the heroin and I said no at first and about 10 minutes later I said, well, it makes me feel better. He said, instantly! So I shot up heroin for the first time. That's how I administered it. That's how we had it ready and I did it and I remember thinking, well, this guy said to me and rest in peace, he's not with us anymore because of this disease. He said—

Oh, man!

Sorry, kid, your life's never going to be the same.

Oh my God.

It was, it was like, hey dude, you're fucked. Pardon my language, you know. And because heroin was so cheap and it was, uh, it was more accessible than OxyContin. And so it just started down this path. And, and it was only about 6 months later that I called my parents and told them I, I had a problem. And my mom, she dropped the phone, she was in such shock. And I said, I need, I need to go to rehab. Because by then I'd lost my job. I wasn't gonna be able to pay for my rent in the apartment. Like, I'm 19 years old. So I hit my first treatment center when I'm 19, 2005, and they sent me to this, you know, posh treatment center with this, you know, beautiful mountain view. And I remember thinking, this place is a prison. I would go back there now to just have 30 days to work on myself any day of the week. And I remember thinking in there, I said, cool, you guys, um, you guys are old. And so, yeah, like, I'm an addict, but I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not even legal age to drink. And I haven't drank in a long time. So I'm not going to identify as that. And I say that because I see this a lot in younger people trying to get sober. A drug's a drug's a drug. And like alcoholism is, is doesn't matter what type of alcohol, whether that's meth or heroin. It's all the same.

And it is all the same. And that's why when I took that pill, I was like, Oh my God, this is the gateway to who knows what. And if I let myself off the hook for one pill, what else am I going to let myself off the hook for? I have to be brutally honest, and that's the only way I can keep my sobriety. And so, and I see that mistake too, where, I mean, and I've made the mistake of going into a recovery, a meeting, and—

Yeah.

I'm like, I don't hear anything. This is not— why am I here? I'm wasting my time. And then I'm like, no, look for the similarities, not the differences, because there is a common bond between anyone who is struggling with addiction. We may come from different, you know, backgrounds, but there is that common thread that separates us and connects us when we come together and we share our experience.

Yeah.

And so I would love to go to a treatment center and work on myself too, by the way. I never did that. But so were you there for 30 days?

It was a 60-day program. And, and this is just where I was at at the time. You know, I, I actually snuck out the window at day 58. Keep in mind, this is not— you can just walk out the front door. This was not a lockdown facility. I snuck out with my new girlfriend in there because we were going to be just fine. And I got drunk the first night. And nothing bad happened. So I'm like, I got this. Within a week of drinking every night with this girl, I blacked out for the first time, and that was kind of alarming. And I remember thinking at that time, you might be an alcoholic too, thinking they were like different things, like, well, you're either an addict or an alcoholic, they're all the same, right? And, and this pattern continued, and that was— I would, I would go to rehab, you know, I got out of there And eventually the alcohol led me back to the heroin, and then I would use anything. I wasn't like particular. I got really into cocaine and heroin for a minute, and then drinking to come down. And this, this pattern continued. My parents would send me to another rehab, and so I'd go to another rehab, and then I would do great while I was there. I'd get out, I would even do good for a minute when I was out, and then eventually I'd always go back. I just wasn't done. I have no other way to explain it other than I wanted the consequences because you see drugs and alcohol, when I found out they were actually not my problem, they were my solution. I was my problem. That was devastating news. I was like, oh, because that was my solution for so long and it stopped working. The consequences get so grave. And somewhere in 2006, 2007, I got caught up in the, in the system, got arrested by someone like your husband, right? And once that happens for a drug charge, And they put you on probation, you do some jail time, and you are not ready to stay clean, it is like the kryptonite for— because you just keep going back. Because I constantly was violating probation because I wouldn't stay clean, and they'd give me a chance, and then I'd go on the run again, and I'd catch a new charge.

And then—

and so I ended up doing, um, had 17 bookings in the local county jail between 2006 and 2012, and, um, ended up doing about total, when they added it up, about 20 months locked up, you know, a few months here, a few months there. And at the very end of my using, I did almost a whole year in jail in 2011 to January of 2012. And I remember during that time, I thought, this is it for me. I've never been clean this long. And I was mistaking being clean for being— I mean, being sober for being in recovery. You see, I wasn't doing anything different. I was doing the same bullshit behaviors. I was, I was, you know, selling pills in there. We were getting in fights, we were gambling.

Wow.

Like, I, I was doing the same behaviors, but what— just not— I wasn't getting loaded. Like, even these pills I was selling were like, you know, pills that— like sleeping pills. Like, I didn't take any. So I'm like, I'm sober, I'm great.

Isn't that crazy how our thinking— like, there is a difference between recovery and just staying clean or whatever. And, and I, I want to say, you know, I read one of your posts the other day And it was so inspiring where you had said, you know, I tried at least 50 times to get and stay sober before it finally worked. Every attempt taught me something new about myself. So if you've tried 50 times to get the weight off and keep it off, good, because your attempt at 51 might just be your time. Don't quit. And so I appreciate you sharing how many times and how many consequences that that you had, what was the biggest change? What finally got you onto this road of real recovery?

That's perfect transition. So I got out of jail after doing a year on January 27th, 2012. And I remember everyone was so hopeful, including myself, right? This was the time my parents were like, oh my gosh, we have our kid back, our son back. You know, I had— I would build up success in these attempts of getting sober. That was the problem. I'd get stuff to lose. I'd get back. I got a, you know, general manager position at a Gold's Gym, like, and then I would crumble everything, right? And then lose everything, then build back up. And this time I got out, my parents thought this is going to be the time. I thought it was gonna be the time. And I got out of jail. And instead of going to a meeting or linking up with some people in recovery, I decided it was more pertinent to go hang out with some girls and go to the tanning salon. And, you know, make sure I got my haircut. Like, I'll get to a meeting eventually. I'll do the right— yeah, yeah. And it was only about 4 days out of jail when the insatiable craving came back and I can't describe it and if you haven't been afflicted with addiction, it's hard to describe. It's this phenomenon of craving that comes so strong. I saw my palm started to sweat and I called the dealer, my old dealer thinking, there's no way this guy has the same number. So, if he doesn't, then cool! I'm not going to use. If he does, we'll see what happens and he picked up and I remember he said, you know, come meet me. And I was driving down there, and I'd done everything they told me to do, which is play the tape through. And I did, and I was crying driving down to pick up the dope because I knew, I knew this time wasn't going to be different. I, I couldn't fool myself anymore. I knew that once I started, it took a lot for me to stop, almost impossible, um, to, to stop unless somebody stopped me. And that this is going to be really bad. My, my birthday is January 31st. My parents were so excited for me to show up for my birthday. Uh, they had this big party planned because I hadn't showed up in years, or I'd showed up high. That morning is when I went to pick up the drugs. And needless to say, I didn't show up to my birthday party. And that, that stretch— see, my pattern was about 3 or 4 months of absolute destruction, then the cops, my parents, something would step in and intervene, send me to detox, send me to jail, send me to rehab. Something would happen and I terminated my probation. So I was no longer on probation. That's why I did so long in jail. I had nothing hanging over my head. My parents at this point, once I started using again, they said, we're done. They had gotten involved in a program called Al-Anon, which is Friends and Family of AA, and they put in boundaries and they learned how to— they said, no, like until you're sober, you can't come around here. We're not bailing you out anymore. And that was a tough decision for them. They let me fall.

And you know what, that's so important because I, I really can't stress enough the importance of loved ones going to some— whether it's Al-Anon or something else out there. I mean, the only thing that I know that, that has worked over and over is Al-Anon. And I have begged my parents to go to Al-Anon because addiction runs in our family. And I'm not sure if you even know this, but My littlest— my littlest brother is on death row in Texas. It was like the con— just, it got so bad with the drugs and alcohol that that's where he is. And even though he's on death row, I've, I've begged my parents to go to Al-Anon to get some help, just because it helps you set boundaries, it helps you take care of yourself, and it helps you be able to talk to the person that you love, that you see them struggling with this addiction. So good for your parents for, for, for doing that.

I fucking— pardon my language— hated Al-Anon. It ruined my using because my mom was the consummate enabler. She was going to love me to death, literally.

She—

I mean, you know, she was— if I needed to be bailed out with money, with this, with that, she was always doing it. Um, You know, and my dad would tell her, don't do that. And, and they finally both joined Al-Anon. And it was— it, you know, people ask me, my kid's using, what can I do? And I said, you know, my experience is all I know to share with you. And for me, when my parents found, they had been for years trying harder for me to get sober than I ever was. Little did I know and believe that they were like— they had, they had to take out a second mortgage on their house to pay for it. When I went to make my financial amends I had no idea the financial strain after all these $15,000, $20,000 rehabs I'd put on my parents. And so that year went on and it went. From that day, I did not draw a sober breath until my sobriety date of November 20th of that year. So that was about 11 months of chaos and destruction. I was homeless the whole year. I had no place to live. Um, I never slept on the streets because I was incredibly resourceful, but I, I slept in bad places, trap houses, um, you know, abandoned trailers with all these junkies. It was really gnarly. And, um, towards the end of that year, it, um, I remember thinking at that point I'd just given up. I'd given up. I'd lost all my weight. Um, I looked like a junkie because I would go on these phases and I would still work out a little during them until the very end, and then I didn't work out anymore. And then when I get sober, I do it again. So I never really looked the part. I didn't look like a junkie. This— that year, you know, when you don't have a house, you don't really have a gym membership either. And everything just went— I just gave up. I said, you know what? I'm a junkie. This is what I'm destined to be. And that's what I did. And it was really gross and really gnarly. And I saw some gnarly shit that I never thought would happen. And during that year, got also strung out on methamphetamines. It was just a bad scene and it was a dark time and it got to the very end of that year And it was— my mother had called me, let me know my grandpa had passed away and this is like November 15th or something. So, I remember I was sad and she said, I really think it's important you go to the funeral! And I said, me too! And she said, Brad, just do whatever you got to do to be right! She knew what that meant. I would— please don't be so high that you're drooling on yourself and please don't be what we call dope sick, in withdrawals, which is just gnarly! And of course, I couldn't manage the amount I had until then. And so I woke up that morning and I was what they call dope sick. I was sick.

I—

and this is how I lived that whole year. I would be sick in the morning. I'd have to, you know, hustle and commit crimes and do whatever to get money to then get well and to just feel normal. And then I would just do this pattern every day. It was like Groundhog's Day. And she picked me up and I knew I was gonna be sick, but I thought maybe I can just plow through it because there was a moral code in me just a little bit to show up for my grandpa. She picked me up and I started vomiting in her car and I was shaking and shivering and sweating and she said, you can't go up like this! And she's crying. She said, what do we need to do? And I looked at her and I said, can you drive by this house? And she was like, goddamn you! She was like, alright! So we get to the dealer's. Added insult to injury, I make my mom give me $20 because I'm broke to go get the drugs. So not only my mom taking me there, now I kind of conned her into giving me the money. We're so late at this point by backtracking that she says, get in the backseat, do whatever you had to do. And my mom knew I was a heroin addict, but she never watched me do drugs.

Wow.

And no parent ever should have to. And I get in the backseat of her car on the highway, and I pull out my spoon and my syringe and, and the lighter, the little junkie kit, and, and I start cooking up the heroin to shoot it up. And I'm trying to find a vein, and all of them are collapsed and There's blood going on her seat. It was just a gnarly scene. And I remember I just kept looking up at the rearview mirror. And every time I looked up, she's just— she's sobbing, like tears just coming down her face. But she's stoically just— she's not even wiping them off. She's not yapping. She's just— it's just a waterfall of tears. And she's just looking in the rearview mirror. And her eyes are piercing at me.

This is— And I remember I do Just breaks my heart as a mom.

Yeah. Oh, and now that I'm a dad, I'm like, man, it hits me especially hard. And, and so I, I, I do it, and immediately, of course, I feel better. But I remember it, it didn't work at all to block the shame I was feeling. And I looked at her and she looked at me and she just shook her head and she didn't say a word the whole ride. And I remember in that moment, I thought, you got 2 choices, man! You either need to kill— and I actually, by the grace of God, was not suicidal. I wanted to kill myself when I was sick and then I would get well from the heroin and feel better and I was like, ah, that was a little exaggerated! But in that moment, I was under the influence and I still was— I was like, I got to kill myself! Either kill myself or get sober finally! I can't keep doing this! Going on another day was not an option and that night I was arrested. by some cops in a stolen car that to this day, did not know was stolen. The guy asked me to drive, couldn't remember his name. He wanted me to drive because it was a stolen car and we were pulled over and I remember him telling me, this car is stolen. That's why we got pulled over. And I remember it was this moment of surrender. I saw the lights behind me and I just took this deep breath and the cop came up and said, you know why I pulled you over? I said, yeah, it turns out I guess this car is stolen. I don't have a license and I probably need to go to jail. And he was like, yeah, you do. Let's go. So I went to jail and that's when it turned for me. It was the gift of desperation to do something different. I went to jail and I didn't even call my mom to try to bail me out. I didn't call anyone. I just sat there and thought, this is God doing for me what I couldn't do for myself because I had started praying about 3 weeks prior to this about, please help me stop. I don't know if somebody's out there, anything's out there, help me. This can't just be my life. Like, I can't keep going like this. And so I only did 30 days in jail. The charges were dropped. And that was another— I just was like, okay, I'm gonna be here a long time. I don't know. And when I got out, it was 4 days before Christmas and it was snowing. And I asked my mother to come pick me up and she said, I will, but you can't come stay here. So she took me to a recovery meeting, dropped me off. I went to that recovery meeting. Everyone left but one guy. And he looked at me and said, do you need a ride? And I said, I sure do. And he said, awesome.

Where do you live?

And I said, that's the problem. I don't have anywhere to go.

Wow.

I remember this guy kind of took a deep breath and he said, all right, I'll let you stay on my couch for a couple days. Don't steal anything from me. I said, fair enough. So this guy let me stay on my couch. The next day, he sent me out to go get a job waiting tables. He said, you got to go do something, man. And so that guy let me stay with him for about a week or two. I started waiting tables to get a few dollars cash. And then I moved into a room to rent. And I was humbled by this point. I had to take the bus everywhere. I had nothing. I had a garbage sack full of clothes. I had a 505 credit score. I had no license, no car, nothing, nothing. Was in debt, God knows how much. And that's where my journey started. And I'm so grateful it started from nothing. And it just slowly built up. And within 4 months, I was back in the fitness industry. I got an opportunity at this nutrition coaching company and went and worked for them. They knew my background. And I went to a ton of recovery meetings. I did everything they told me to do and it finally worked. Like, go figure.

Wow. Oh my goodness. And now, was it a long process? Has your mom completely forgiven you? Has it been a long process of building your relationship with her and your family and making those amends financially and in every way?

You know, they were really jaded by this point, and rightfully so. I'd stolen tons of money. I'd forged a bunch of checks. You know, I was I wrecked havoc on, on, you know, the addict is just a tornado going through people's lives, and they're in the middle like, what's everyone's problem, right? And so they put in some good boundaries. They would talk to me. My mom would talk a little more. My dad would on the phone. And they said, you know, you got to get like 6 or 9 months before you can like really start coming around here. We just need to trust you. And it was, it was lonely, and it sucked. But that, that's been the biggest gift in my recovery is the relationship I have with my family. There's great mutual respect, you know, and, and I'll never forget, I think I was— it was my year birthday celebration. And of course, like, you know, it was this big party because I, I needed a lot of validation. And people were just like, dude, this dude would never get it. So I had a year and I'll never forget my dad looked at me and said, hey, I'm proud of you.

Wow!

I don't think I'd ever heard that from him. And I think still to this day, even with success I've created materialistically, whatever, he is I think he's probably said it 4 or 5 times. So when he says it, he really means it. And it was really gratifying. And it was kind of that, that about at a year, stuff really started to change the dynamic and, um, with me and my family. And, and I'm forever grateful for that. Like, you know, just no matter how far down the barrel you've gone, I never thought like, oh, like this is happening for me, not just to me. And like, I need to go through this because one day I'm, I'm gonna be able to write a book about this and I'm gonna be able to use this to impact others. I didn't think any of that. And I wasn't a grateful alcoholic. I heard people say that and I'm like, no, I'm pissed. I'm 30 years old. I'm just barely getting my life back a year. I got buddies that are making, you know, a million dollars a year and $500 grand a year. And, you know, my, my buddy, um, Jimmy Rex, you've had on the show, he saw me through it all. He bailed me out.

He did, because y'all are both in Utah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I didn't realize that. I didn't know that you guys were buddies and that he had seen you through All of that. Yeah, Jimmy Rex, he he was on the show. I don't know what episode, but he is a couple months ago. Yeah, yeah, he's incredible.

He bailed me out of jail because he was just a good innocent little little guy. He didn't he didn't party, and and of course I ran from the bail, so he was on the hook. Bounty hunters were after me, and so but it was guys like him that I linked back up with after about a year, and I knew it was so important to surround myself with right people when. recovery, but also people in life that were doing big things. He's been a great kind of, you know, silent mentor in business. And but it's, it's people like that. I just— something clicked where I'm like, you are the sum of the— I, you know, I hear Tony Robbins, all these people talk about like, you are the average of the 5 people you hang out with. And I thought, I'm gonna start hanging out with better people then. And that's what I did. And I am so grateful that I finally just— like, people ask me, how'd you get sober? And I'm like, I really fucked up my life. And I got to a place where it was like, kill myself or get sober. And, and they're always bummed when I tell them, like, I did it through the 12 steps. And I'm not saying that's the only way that worked. But I needed to get a connection with God. And that has been, you know, one of, one of the saving graces throughout the last 9 years of my life is this connection I've made with a power greater than myself. And so I'm really grateful for that.

So yes, I think for me too, I hear you on that. What are some things that you do to stay sober? And now, with all the success that you've created, to when you feel like, oh my gosh, I don't know about you, but being an entrepreneur, sometimes I'm just like, oh my gosh, I've got so much on my plate. I put that, all that stuff on my plate, but I just need a little relief. I need a reprieve. I need to— what do you do now to stay sober but to also keep your, your peace and your serenity?

Gosh, it's so true. You know, entrepreneurship has taught me so much as I've gotten into this. And it— I've often thought, like, I'm part of these masterminds and they all go out and have some drinks after and they're like, gosh, that was a stressful day of learning, huh? And I'm like, yeah, I want that escape. I don't get it, right? But it's funny, you know, the gym has been a big part. And it was interesting. I've always been into the gym and off the gym. But before, I would put all the importance in making sure that I was the most jacked, back when I was at these attempts to get sober and, and not. This time, it's, it's funny, I just approached it different. Like, I wanted to go to the gym, but I knew that this guy was letting me stay on my couch and I needed to get a few bucks to move out of there. So I didn't even get a gym membership. I didn't work out for the first month or two out of jail because I needed to get my life right. And then I finally started to get that things, and I went back to the gym and The gym is a great escape for me. I always say it's not therapy, but it is damn therapeutic, right? And so when I started viewing the gym as overall health, like not just can I be the most jacked guy in the room, the game started to change. I still do a lot of the same things I do when I got sober to stay sober. You know, I help other men now for free like someone did for me to go through the steps. I still attend meetings, not as much as I used to. And I still pray morning and night. And that seems to give me like this reprieve that in these moments of distress, but I've been really big on meditation and breathwork lately and just continuing to try to evolve that way. And I will say this, that it wasn't that long ago that I was in Mexico. I think this was July. I think it was July or August, very recently. And I had— the pandemic was a perfect excuse for me to be like, I don't like these online meetings, so I'm not going to really go to meetings. And I got— I was like, yeah, I'm almost 9 years sober. I probably don't need to. But what happened was that spiraled into, well, I probably don't need to pray. I didn't think that, but I just stopped doing it. I stopped seeing how I could help others, and I was like, I'm just going to grind on my business. And I got really self-centered on making sure my business was thriving. And I ended up in Mexico in a pharmacy, and the thought crossed my mind that it'd be a great idea to buy 60 Xanax bars because they— you could buy them, and I saw them. And the girl I'm dating, thank God that she stopped me, and she I mean, this was— we got, we got back to the place and I almost— and it was a fight. She said, I don't think you should have those. And I'm like, you don't, you don't know what's best for me. And she said, why did you buy Xanax? You shouldn't be having those. And I remember I got so mad and it was all the same behaviors and it was this fight and argument and struggle. And finally I gave them to her after a lot of resistance and just cried because had she not been there, I was planning to snort those up my nose. And it was like, that's 8 and a half years and that sucks to admit. And had she not been there, I would have taken them. I was pissed that she kind of kept following me around when we got back to the hotel room. I wanted to go in the— that's— and it hit suddenly, and, and I had this breakdown. And so I've really doubled back down on a lot of the stuff that got me sober. And I just realized at that point, wow, like, this is so fragile. And I don't know, maybe it would have been one day like yours and I would have been like, hey, gotta call my sponsor, get right, get honest. Or it could have gone for months. I don't know.

Yeah, but the scary thing is, you know, a lot of times when people have not been an addict or alcoholic, they don't understand. And I've got friends that are like, oh, or family members, oh, just have one drink. I'm like, no, you don't understand. One drink and I lose it all. That could send me down a road where I destroy my relationships, I lose my career again, and it's not worth that risk for me. And so I, I'm so glad that you have realized, oh gosh, the importance of prayer and meditation and breathwork and getting to meetings. Because you do— you— there's a, like, that fear of losing it all. And the thing that scares me the most is the relationships that I've worked so hard to, you know, repair. Like the relationship with my oldest daughter, who is now going to Yale. She's studying to be a doctor.

Yeah. She's in freaking Yale.

And, you know, relationships with family members, and I have worked so hard for them to trust me, and I don't want to ruin that. And so I appreciate you sharing.

That's the first thing that came to my mind, you know, afterwards. And I cried because I knew just how close I was to, you know, potentially blowing it all. And not just a day. But it's that, you know, I've seen people with with 9, 10 years sobriety who have built up massively successful lives and businesses, and they, they decide to go pick up again at whatever form of drugs or alcohol that is. And some of them, their businesses still flourished, everything still went well, but they ruined every relationship in their life. They were spiritually dead. They were absolutely miserable. And I'm, I'm too terrified for that to be me. Like, I'm terrified to ruin all these relationships that I built. And now being a dad, I won't show up for that kid if I'm loaded, it takes over, right? I'll try to show up, but I wouldn't. And so it's been amazing. And I'll tell you what, the parallels I've been able to draw in business and the way my coaching has gone, where, you know, people come in and, and I don't take a ton of new clients anymore, but when they do, I say, hey, listen, this is a 4-legged chair of fitness. And if you want a coach who's just going to do your, your macro, your nutrition, and your training, probably go find somebody else that's a little cheaper because I'm going to talk about— I view this as the 4-legged chair of emotional health, Physical health, spiritual health, and mental health. They think they're coming for me just for the physical, but I tell them, what happens if you're sitting on that chair and the other three legs get really wobbly, or two get super wobbly? What happens? It puts too much pressure on that physical. The physical starts to go. Before you know it, you're doing a balancing act that's never going to serve you. So I do make them. I say, okay, what are we going to do for your emotional health this week? Like gratitude journaling, reaching out to others, and. And so I'm so grateful for everything I went through. And because it's also helped me in entrepreneurship, we alluded to earlier, just remembering that like tenacity and the grit and grace. And that's why I love your podcast is that's where I framed up like my whole— and how I found you was I actually found this cool little hat to wear on Instagram filter that said True Grit and Grace. Oh, you know, and that was yours. And it was funny, my buddy Craig Smith said, I know her. And he— and I think— and I said, okay, so we— I started following you, and then I don't know how we ended up linking up together, but I've always just thought of that. Okay, the grit is like that tenacity that I've showed, you know. I did whatever I had to do to stay loaded. And so it's like, okay, but I was all grit, and that's why I have grit on my knuckles. And then I—

No, let me see that. No way, I did not know that.

Yeah, so the E is over here, but I had grit forever on my knuckles, and I was like, I'm the grittiest person I know. This is why I'm going to be successful.

Oh wait, I gotta see those knuckles again. That is— let me— wow. I would like to say that you had that done just for the True Grit and Grace podcast.

You can't see the E is the problem, but that's why I love that. That is— but I got grace on my other knuckles. Yeah, yes, you do. The knuckles are hard to stick, I'll warn you. But it was a couple years ago that I realized for me to not only be successful but truly be happy, I had to start deploying more grace to myself. I could give other people grace, but not myself. No, no, no, you've wasted too much time, Brad. You get to work. You've wasted too much time. Nope. You don't— oh, sleep? Who needs that? I know it's important for health and you preach it to your clients, but you need to grind and grind and grind and grind and grind and grind. And that's what I did. And, and ultimately, you know, ruined some relationships along the way, even in sobriety, because business was number one and that's all I was going to do. And a couple years ago when I started really feeling like, dude, give yourself some grace. It's okay just to take a day off. It's okay to chill out. It's okay to not press so hard out of fear. That like, well, what if they— what if they find out who I am? I'm not supposed to have this. Like, I'm a convicted felon. Like, I'm not supposed to have that much money in my bank account, or I'm not supposed to have— like, there was all these, you know, self-limiting beliefs. And I started just giving myself more grace. And, um, so— and I'll be honest, it was after I started following you, I'm like, maybe I should get grace on the other ones to remind myself that it's that perfect combination of being gritty as shit and then just enough grace that if I'm not perfect, to be okay with it. And it's been absolutely crucial. And that's how I coach too. I tell people, okay, this is a week where I'm going to challenge you to get gritty. And then other weeks I'm like, yo, give yourself some goddamn grace. Like, you're not perfect. It's okay. It's one week. Great results aren't defined on one week or one bad week or one salad or one donut. So stop. And it's been a beautiful thing. So I thank you for that.

Oh, I love that. And I also love the analogy of just— I'm a very visual person when it comes to learning. And with the chair, like the 4 legs of the chair. So if you're feeling a little wobbly, what do you need to work on? Whether it's your, your physical, your mental, your emotional, or you said spiritual?

Yeah, yeah.

It's all those things.

I tell people Spiritual is different than religion. You can, you can be part of your religion and feel spiritual. That's great. But just make sure you're nourishing your spirit. And that's always a tough one with, especially my guy clients, they get really ego. And I'm like, no, man, like, what makes your spirit come alive? And like, well, you know, I like going on like walks in nature. And they like whisper it like it's embarrassing. I'm like, no, that's great, man. And so it's been amazing. I'm really, really grateful for everything I went through. I'm grateful that I fucked up my whole entire life because now I get to use that as leverage experience. You know, I'm gonna be writing a book soon and like these are amazing fun things that I would not change a second of what I've been through. And 4 or 5 years ago, if you would ask me, do you regret what you went through? I would have said, hell yeah. Do you know I've paid $50,000 clearing up my debt and my credit from going from a 505 to like a great, a really good, you know, credit standing. But that didn't just come by accident. I had to pay tons of money to Turns out when you take a payday loan out for $200 and then you don't pay it, it turns into like $2,800 or $3,000 real quick.

Wow.

There was all these things, right? And so I wasn't grateful. And when you make it through the mud and you start seeing how your experience can benefit others, man, I'm just like, I wouldn't change a thing.

Wouldn't change anything about getting started at 30. I mean, you have this successful business and you have coaching programs. where you share on a heart-to-heart but at very experiential level on how others too can really make the most out of their life and thrive in not just their health but in their business as well. What is— can you give them the name of your coaching program? It's an 8-week program, right?

Yeah.

Or do you have something new now? It's been a while since we connected.

No, that's it. So I've got my regular coaching, then I've got a team of coaches here at Key Nutrition, and that's where we do the fitness and nutrition. And I wanted to dive deeper with clients, so I created a course called The Next level experience. And this is the 5th cohort. I kind of ran the first one like, let's see how this goes. But it's going to— it was 8 weeks, it's going to be 10 weeks now. Same amount of content, we were just cramming too much in. And it's basically a lot of the principles I've learned along recovery because people just tell me, well, how did you get— like, how did you change your life? And I'm like, well, there's a few things I did. And so we took some of the principles of the 12 steps and obviously reworded them and formatted them. But Just about getting— so we have a spiritual, we have the health and fitness week is kind of number one, and you get coaching throughout the whole thing with my assistant coaches. And then we've got an emotional level where I've got, you know, partners that come in that do, you know, energy work. And I thought it was super woo-woo till I was open-minded enough to try it, and I definitely experienced a change. And so she does some energy work throughout the whole thing. And we've got a mental week where we go over all the neuroscience of the brain and just how to kind of rewire some of that programming. And we've got a spiritual week, a relational week, an abundance week, business week. And, and it's been, uh, it's been really cool to watch people change in that intimate setting. We only take 12 to 15 people. So—

How many do you have a year? Do you have a couple of them a year, or do you have more?

We run one a quarter. So we—

oh, okay.

It's very intense. And then there's a 6-month, uh, mentorship for a much cheaper buy-in afterwards. That's, uh, that's a continuation. But It's been really cool to watch people truly just level up. I mean, you know, no pun intended, but just to finally break through of those self-limiting beliefs and get right with themselves and get right with God, whoever God is to them, and watch their businesses soar and their relationships. And it's been a really cool, gratifying thing. So, it's hard to even explain what happens in there, but it's an intimate, intense, and interactive, you know, 10-week deal that we really dive deep into all these areas. And there's highs and lows for people. been really gratifying. So yeah, more information on that. Thank you for, for letting me talk.

Yeah, well, tell people where they can find you. Tell people where they can find you. I want people to be able to, to do this.

Yeah, the, the, um, where I'm most active is on Instagram at The Sober Bodybuilder. There's a link in there. But the, um, you know, a website for nutrition coaching is keynutrition.com, and the website for my Next Level Experience coaching program, which is a much deeper dive into the emotional, mental, spiritual side and relationship side It's called mynextlevelexperience.com.

So— Oh, well, I love that.

There's a waiting list if you want to hit on the waiting list. All that waiting list does is just give you first priority for when we do launch. You'll get all the information first and, uh, get a chance to get it, do a discovery call to see if it's the right fit for you. So yeah, it's been really cool. And as you know, with entrepreneurs, it's just fun to keep kind of building on new things. And, and I got some other things in the works, but you know how it goes.

Sometimes I'm like, okay, settle down, you don't need I, I know, but it's exciting and I love seeing all that you're doing. And y'all, seriously, whether you are— I mean, I think you should check his program out, but if you head over to his Instagram at The Sober Bodybuilder on IG, oh my gosh, your every single post that you do either has me cracking up laughing or I actually learned something from it. But every single one has such—

Thank you.

value. I love what you share, and that's one of the reasons I was like, I cannot wait to talk on the podcast with you. And so thank you so much for— with all the technical difficulties, we made this work. And keep me posted to all the new things that you're doing. And I just really admire your authenticity, how much you share your vulnerability, and you paving the way for so many other people to change their life and achieve success. So thank you so much for being on. on the show.

I feel the exact same way about you. And I think that's why we've always had a good connection is the feeling is completely like you are completely raw and real and transparent. And, and, you know, with all your highs and lows, and that's why I love to connect with people like you. So thank you.

Oh my gosh, you're my brother from another mother. I swear. Yes, next time I'm in Utah, we have to get together. But yeah, thank you for being on. Y'all go check him out. Check out his program coming up, and he has them every quarter. So check it out and get on the waitlist so you can make sure you sign up for his next one. And make sure you're subscribed to the True Grit and Grace podcast so you don't miss the next episode. And thank you again for being here. Thank you.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Bye.