Releasing Control and Developing Strength Over Time with Dawnmarie Deshaies

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert and bestselling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace. Hi, y'all. I have someone so special on the show today. I have Dawn Marie Deshayes. Well, she's amazing. Through— I'm already emotional and we just started. Through her health battles and emotional struggles, she's found her way to self-love, mindfulness, and embraced her new normal with MS. She is on a mission to give hope, share healthy tips, And pay it forward through her nonprofit, DawnMarie HealthyFit. She's a multiple sclerosis warrior. She's got her own podcast and she has a new book called Finding the Sun Through the Clouds. Welcome to the show, beautiful. I just love you and I'm so grateful that you're here. Thank you for being here.

Ah, Amberly, thank you so very much. You yourself are such an inspiration to me. I've watched your story. I've read your book. You're such an incredible spirit and light. You bring so much hope to our lives.

Thank you. Well, I'm amazed. We were talking before the show and I'm amazed at all that you do. And it's clear that you are on a mission because you not, you don't just post on social media every day and have your blog and this is your second book, but you also reach out to people and you're of service. But can you tell us a little bit about you and your journey and what led you to where you are today?

Well, my journey started years and years ago before I even knew I had multiple sclerosis. For over 20 years, I was misdiagnosed, sent to doctors, given Prozac, Xanax, told you're overstressed, you're a hardworking woman, then became a mom. You're overstressed because you're too tired. You need to take a nap. Then trying to become the perfect corporate wife. And a mother, and trying to believe that I could do it all. And I couldn't because I was living with an unseen monster called multiple sclerosis that was ripping me apart every single day and destroying my life. And on the outside, all you saw was my beautiful smile. On the inside, I felt like a whirlwind, a tornado, a thunderstorm, a lightning bolt hitting me every single day of my life. And I felt like I was going crazy. With that big ball being thrown at you, I had many thoughts of suicide. Felt like I had nowhere to turn because I didn't have evidence to prove that something was wrong with me. So I hid it and I hid it well. But in the meantime, I was more destructive every single day.

It was kind of like you were living a double life. On the outside, everything was okay, but on the inside, you were slowly kind of, you're spirit was dying. When you finally got your diagnosis, and what did the doctor tell you? Like, did you go to a doctor who finally said, aha, we know what's wrong with you?

Did you—

yeah, that you finally had an answer, or were you devastated? How did you feel at that moment?

Actually, let me skip back one year before the diagnosis. I had a hysterectomy. I had multiple tumors throughout my uterus and they had to take it away. And within that same year, the tumors then reappeared into my breasts and I had to have a double mastectomy. At that point, I felt like I was just going to die. I ended up getting staph and MRSA infection in the hospital, being quarantined away from my family.

Wow.

Became completely paralyzed. That's when the doctors finally started to realize there really was something wrong with me. They did CAT scans, CT scans, you name it, brain scans and a spinal tap. It came back in 2012 that I had multiple sclerosis, and the amount of the lesions that I had throughout my brain showed that I had been living with it since I was in my 20s.

Wow.

And it made complete sense to me. And when I finally was recognized by a female neurologist, no puns against men, but a female neurologist, Dr. Choen, she did her own brain MRI and a spinal tap. And it all came back positive. And that day I felt so relieved. Most people are scared and don't know where to turn, but I finally felt validated. And at that point in my life is where my life started to change. I finally spoke my truth to my family, to my friends, that this had all been going on. Robert and I completely remodeled our home to prepare for my wheelchair. I was paralyzed for months. After getting through that and learning that I could do it and it was okay, and it was okay to say I needed help.

That's a good learning lesson.

Yeah, yeah, I finally knew I could ask for help and that there was nothing wrong with me. I was still Tommari and I was going to find a way to beat this disease. Unfortunately, there is no cure for this disease. And with every day I learned more. I did research and my daughter said, Mom, I get to do a tour overseas to Australia and Germany and all of this through her school at Santa Margarita Catholic High School. She sang for a chorus. With that being said, I'm like, I can't do 14 days tour like that, Simone. I really want to go, but I can't do it. She's like, Mom, you can do it. I went with her. 14-day travel with 300 Wow. None.

Well, you know, I think that it's a blessing when you have children. For me, at my darkest moment, what pulled me through were my children. I thought, I want to set an example of a strong, resilient mom who can get through things. And I remember there was a moment my daughter had a— she had just started preschool. And it was a new school. And I remember thinking, I don't want to walk with crutches and I don't want to be in my wheelchair when I go to this new school because no other mothers know that anything's wrong with me and I can pretend like I'm normal. And I remember trying really hard to walk without a limp. Well, their first, their first, their field trip was at the zoo. And our zoo has got hills and everything is really far apart. And I had such anxiety and such dread because I knew I was gonna go and I was so embarrassed 'cause I knew that I was gonna have to use a motorized scooter. And I thought, I'm gonna have to face all these moms. They're gonna judge me. They're gonna— and I decided at that moment, I'm gonna flip this around and I'm gonna make it the coolest thing ever to be in that scooter. And so I went and I I got my scooter and I pull up in the scooter and Ruby's in the front and she's all proud. And I ended up giving all the kids in the class, they took turns and they were fighting over who could ride with me. They all wanted to ride on the scooter. So it's all how we look at it.

Yeah.

And I think it's all about how we set these goals up for ourselves and that belief that we have in ourselves. And man, our children are such inspirations and motivations for us. And I think it's It's really important for you to find someone who motivates you, find something, a purpose, something to believe in or something to strive for. I think that's so important and it's just amazing what you did. Now with MS, do you often have to use crutches, wheelchair, or anything like that? Because you said you remodeled your home for a wheelchair. Do you have to use a wheelchair or do you choose to use a wheelchair sometimes?

I have my walker. And I have my crutches and wheelchair. They're all in the garage. I keep them there because I— they need to stay there because I don't want to become paralyzed again. So it's a mindset every single day. Even when I cannot walk, I will hold the wall. I will walk slower. I'll sit on the floor. If I lose my speech, I— if I— any part of my body can shut down at any given time. Any second of the day. I could lose my eyesight while I'm driving. I can be walking along—

Did they take your driver's license away?

No, they did not. No, because I haven't permanently become blind yet. I have been blinded and lost my vision. I've lost every ability and it has all come back. And the reason why is because the myelin sheath of the brain hasn't been completely destroyed in those parts and my brain is trying to rebuild and I am constantly training my brain of a different, like a map, like that part of the brain is not working. So I have to retrain and teach my body to use other positions, other strengths. So I have to keep my legs strong. I have to keep my body strong. The most important thing is I have to keep my positive mindset strong to battle multiple sclerosis.

I am so glad to hear you say that. And the reason, because for me, if you don't, know me, I live with CRPS, which leaves me in constant chronic pain. It's a disease of the sympathetic system.

Yes.

And no medication— there's no known cure. No medication, no treatment, nothing's worked. But what helps me get through the pain is my mindset. So I'm really happy to hear you say that too. And I think that it is a mind body, spirit thing. If we— we have to keep our spirits bright. And, you know, you definitely do that. And I see that you reach out to people all the time and you surround yourself with people who keep that flame inside of you burning bright. But how do you keep that strong mental game up? How— and how do you keep your body strong? If you could take us through a couple of things you do mentally to stay strong during your hardest times. Yeah.

First is my faith in God. Every morning I get up, if I'm in pain or I'm having a great day or a medium day or a day where I'm crawling to the bathroom, I look in the mirror and I say, today you're gonna do this, and today's a brand new day to fight. Today's a new day to train your brain, and today's a new day to help somebody else through their difficult days. That's what we're here for. We're here through the light of God and to help each other. Second, I eat a very well-balanced diet, but I don't stay on the same diet plan. I change it very frequently because what happens with MS and when your autoimmune system is allergic to certain medications, your body also becomes allergic to food. I've had a lot of bowel issues. I have a lot of stomach issues, and your gut is your first brain. Then it goes to your brain brain. So whatever you're feeding your body, if you're finding a reaction, you need to stop it if it's making you not feel well. Certain foods are inflammatory, which flare up my multiple sclerosis. Some drinks, alcohol is inflammatory, which will trigger a flare of multiple sclerosis. And sometimes it puts me back into paralyzation mode. As far as personal body strength, I'm always active and walking around and I train when I can. We have a personal gym in our garage with all the equipment and everything in there. And the days that I'm weak, I rest and I sleep. The days that I have strength and I'm strong, I train, I'm active, I'm out moving around, I'm writing, and I'm reaching out to people.

Well, can we just go back to that real quick? Because I think that is really, really important. You listen to your body.

Yes.

You really— what I hear you saying is you really listen to your body.

Yeah.

And I think so many of us, including me, I'm the queen of not listening to my body. I mean, I'm getting better at it, but I mean, I grew up where it was all about suck it up and, you know, hide your crazy and be a lady. And, you know, if you are talking about hurting or being in pain or needing help, it meant you were weak. And I had to really retrain my thinking to Don't ignore the pain, but ask your body, what is this pain trying to tell you? How can you listen to your body and give it what it needs? And it sounds like you really listen to your body, whether it's the food you're putting in your body, whether it's the rest that you need, or whether you need to push yourself a little bit more in the gym.

Exactly.

The hardest thing for me is to rest. What do you do? Do you say, hey, I am giving myself permission to rest and I'm gonna— or how do you do that? Because I'd like to know because I'm horrible at resting. I really will push myself to the point where I can't walk and then I'm like, oh, guess I need to rest. Can't stand up anymore. And so I'm trying to learn to get to the point before that. There's just this healthy balance, I think, between—

Yes.

Giving yourself the gift of grace and resting and then learning to push yourself further than you thought you could go. Was it hard for you to listen to your body and learn how to do that?

It took years to learn to listen from the day I was diagnosed until, you know, just this past year where I finally have a massive team of doctors and from Western medication to Eastern medication and healthy, natural meds. It took years, but it took years of me understanding the signs of my body and how far I could push before my body was ready to take over. My brain was going to shut me down. And when I get to that point, it's, it's a do or die. It is get on the bed, put your blanket on you, turn on your air conditioner or your fan or whatever. I burn sage, I meditate, and I put myself into a sleep. And some days it works, and other days my brain is nonstop and I'm like, oh, I gotta get up, I got too much to do.

Mm-hmm.

But when you push yourself that far, your pain gets worse, so you have to give in. And that's your own self-conscious telling you. It's kind of like the little good angel over here and the one over here that wants to keep working hard. Well, you gotta listen to the good angel that's trying to take care of you and just Do what you got to do. Light a candle, rest, because the better you rest— 20 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour— you can get back up and you have more strength to be focused to get through what you need to do on the next point of that day or a month or year or moment in your life.

Yeah, I think, and when we're talking about rest, I think that goes with whether you're Whether you're working from home, most people are working from home now, and whether you're on a million Zoom calls back to back to back to back, and that takes a lot of energy.

Yes.

To take a break and go out in nature. For me, I feel really blessed that I have a 12-year-old that if I don't take a break, she will be knocking on my door saying, Mom, come on, it's time to go to the barn, or it's time to take the dog out. And so my daily routine reprieve is always getting out in nature. But I think that resting, whether you're working at home, if you're working on the job out somewhere, or if you're a mom, I think moms are probably— this might be one of the hardest times that moms have ever been through. I mean, I know for me it's been a challenge because of Working from home, and now we just found out that our, our school is definitely going virtual, all virtual. We thought hybrid for a little bit, and it's all virtual. So it can be challenging.

Now you gotta—

We've gotta rest. We've got to listen to our bodies. And for me, if I always think, well, I want to set a good example for my kids, a lot of times If you're not thinking, oh, I'm not going to do it for myself, I think, well, I'm going to do it to set a good example for my kids because I would certainly want them to do that.

Yes.

But I'm just amazed that you're able to listen to your body and do these things. And it shows because you have a real calmness about you.

You do.

And a light. You really have a light about you. What has been the hardest thing for you What has been physically the hardest thing for you to overcome?

Controlling everything. I've always been a little bit of OCD, trying to control where things are and what's going on and how to move forward. And I've learned that I can't control everything. And the only thing that I can control is myself. And I have to let everything else fall into play. And when someone needs me, then I'm not there. But I have to let my children fall apart when they are. But I'm there to pick them back up. I have to let my husband do his job and control what he's doing. And when he needs me, I'm here. And they all do the same thing for me. So that would be the hardest thing that I've ever had to learn because I thought always being in control was the best thing I could do for myself, but actually was the worst thing. Learning how to let go and let others help me has been the best thing for me.

Do you think that MS taught you that?

I think multiple sclerosis taught me that. I believe what it has put me through in trying to take my life has taught me that. In 2018, when the medication was so bad that I went up to 152 pounds of pure water and infection in my body.

And I thought— And I've been septic before. And you feel like you're dying. You're dying and you really feel like you're dying. And I was that way too. I remember when I got out of the hospital, I actually got on the scale because I was like, oh my gosh. I was like a balloon.

Yeah, you swell.

You swell. Yeah. And I remember overnight I lost 12 pounds.

Wow.

Crazy. Now, yeah, now I can kind of laugh about it, but it's crazy. And you talk about, like, in your post on Instagram, and if you guys don't already know DawnMarie and don't follow her already, you can find her on Instagram @DawnMarieHealthyAndFit. And if you're listening to this and you're driving or whatever, it'll be in the show notes. So you can find her. But you did a beautiful post today, and it's just a gorgeous picture of you on the beach with your husband.

Yes.

And at first glance, somebody might go, oh wow, what a perfect picture and couple. And then you read the caption and you find out that your husband actually saved your life.

He did.

And it just— and y'all have been together for 30-something years?

We've been— our wedding anniversary is September 2nd of this year. It's 30 years this year, 2020. But we've been together for 33 years of our life. Yes.

That's beautiful.

He has never given up on me, even when I told him I wanted a divorce, when I didn't know I had MS and I thought I was crazy. Every time I've like battled against him because I didn't want the help. Every time I've pushed him away because I thought I had to control everything, he's always been that calm stone, that warrior, that prince, that shining star.

Wow.

And he has never let me give up. He did not know I was suffering as bad as I was, and that I was septic with the medication that I was taking to sleep at night. And writing my life, Living with Phantoms: A Journey to the Truth, I wrote 52 years of my life on paper, as raw as my life is, and that stirred up a lot of emotions I wasn't aware of. And taking the medication kept making me sicker and sicker, and all I knew, I was feeling worse and worse. But I got the book done after. It wasn't like I planned it, but I knew I couldn't live one more day feeling like I did, and I knew something else was wrong with me, but I didn't know what it was. I packed a bag and I said, I need to go, I need space. And he always knows when I need space because I'm a fight-or-flight person. I always have been. And he thought I just needed to go read or write like I usually do. And I packed my bag and I left, and I took all of the medications that I was allergic to with me.

Hmm.

And I went to the hotel room and I took all the pills and I left a video message. telling him that I was sorry if I ever disappointed him in the pain that I was living in and that I couldn't do it any longer. And I didn't want our children to be in pain watching me. And I thought the best way to do it was to take the pills and go to sleep. And I didn't know my cell phone recorded to my iPad.

Oh.

And my iPad was home and I sent the message and I just remember getting very weak and sleepy. And I passed out. The next thing you know, the manager, Robert, and all of the help were knocking down my door at the hotel room. And I remember waking up in Robert's arms.

Oh, wow.

And for months I went to therapy and I realized I, I knew what I was doing. But then we had to go through months of doctors figuring out what was really wrong. I was septic. The MS was decreasing, things were getting worse, and I finally had to say enough is enough. I'm not taking any more of the drugs. And I found a team of doctors that I work with every day for the last 2 years. That it took 2 years to get my body clean from all of the years of the medication after being diagnosed to clean out my system. And that's why I'm here today.

And that's why I always look towards Well, I appreciate you saying that it took a long time.

It took 2 years.

It took 2 years because healing is not linear and it's messy and it's hard and it's confusing and it's, you know, takes so much patience and it really takes giving ourselves even more love and acceptance Before we can move forward. And that's not easy. And I see, um, you know, uh, where a lot of people, you know, even think that for me it's easy to get through some things. But I'm, I'm glad you shared that it's not easy. I mean, it takes time. And then it's not just, okay, I'm healed and I'm better. It's an everyday ongoing wake up and I'm gonna be willing to do whatever I can to get through the day, to make it through another day being the best version of myself. And I—

It's a forever never-ending story of every day of resilience. It's a forever every day of loving you For the best way you are today, not 10 years ago, not for tomorrow, for today. And that's what I had to realize.

And one day at a time.

One day, one step.

One day and one step. Yeah. And so now you do so much for others. You have a nonprofit.

Yes.

And you have a new book coming out. Yes, I'm so excited about— I can't wait to read your new book.

I will send you the copy as soon as I get it in my hands.

I'm loving it. And now, where can people find your new book?

The new book is published by Fulton Books. It's called Finding the Sun Through the Clouds by Domri Deshayes, um, and Fulton Books will have it in Barnes Noble, Apple Pay, Google, Kindle ebook, EPUB, and it will be on Amazon as well. So as of Friday morning, when I get my big package of the author books, I have to look through, make sure everything's good. And then, um, it goes into massive printing and then 2 weeks after that it will be for sale.

Oh, that's so, that's so exciting. What is this about?

It talks about the tragedy and the disruption and what the disease does to us as rare and as positive form as I could tell it. And it also has a self-help section in the back on how I live my life and how I move forward every day and to never give up on you because you're the best advocate of your life. Mm.

I love that.

And to love yourself for who you are, whether— we say we're damaged, but we're not damaged. We say we're broken.

Oh, you know what?

But we're not broken.

I actually had a guy that I was dating that told me, um, I was damaged goods. And this was before I was diagnosed with CRPS. He told me I was damaged goods. Thank goodness I kicked him to the curb. Kicked him to the curb. But yeah, it's, it's easy to feel like you're broken, you know, or for me, I felt like I lost I had no worth because I lost my career. I had to completely reinvent myself and do things differently and redefine what worthiness was for me. Did you struggle with self-worth when you were diagnosed or did you go straight to, oh, I finally know what's wrong with me and you felt okay?

I struggled with self-worth. For years prior to my diagnosis. The day of my diagnosis was one of the— other than getting married and having children— was one of the greatest days of my life because I was validated. After that, I had to learn and I continued to struggle and I thought I was doing well and I would fall back into that dark path and then I continued to struggle. It wasn't until I realized I'm the best I'm going to be every day that I get to be me. And that is, I wake up one morning and I'm paralyzed. I wake up the next morning and I'm feeling great. I wake up another morning and I've lost my eyesight. So I don't look forward to being me tomorrow. I live in the me today with the light and the journey of today. And that's what I try to reach when I write my poetry. That's what I try to reach out to when I know that someone's really having a tough day, and you don't have to have MS. I reach out to you just because I love your spirit. I love what you're sharing, and you help me every day, just like I found you.

Well, I connected with you right away after we met. I felt like we knew each other forever.

For years.

Yeah. When you have somebody that might be listening who might be struggling, And you talk about light. To me, light is like the spirit, our spirit, what keeps our spirit bright, what keeps us feeling alive. What would you suggest for people to do to keep that light shining bright if they don't know where to turn or they don't know how to keep it shining bright? What would you suggest for them to do?

First of all, keeping it shining bright is an everyday job. It's up to you. To really look at yourself and love yourself for everything you are, because you are the light and spirit from your heart and your soul. We were born free of light. We were born to love. Once you tap into that, and the way that I found that was meditation through myself, my own personal thoughts, and facing those demons face on. Like, I understand you. I know where you're coming from. But I'm not going to let you cut to me today. So it's a re— it's a re-meditation moment every single day because every day is different and the outside world can combat that and you can push it off. And I call them energy vampires. You're taking too much energy from me and I need to focus here and keep me safe in my heart and soul and mind. So that's the time that I take for me. So I would suggest to all of you Love you first. Love you for who you are. Love you for the light that you bring and be truthful to yourself and to everyone around you. And if you can't do it, that's okay. If you can't move forward that day, it's okay. And accept the acceptance of okay. And once you learn that, you have a much brighter light. You look at a leaf differently. You look at a floating cloud differently. You look at the— your husband smiled at you. It's all like these magical, mystical things around you that you feel when your hair stands up on your arms. That's love and light and God, Spirit, whatever you want to call it, divine intervention. It's always around us. We just need to open our heart to receive it and open our minds to accept it. And that was really hard for me to learn because we're not taught that. We're taught to be stronger. We're taught to keep moving forward. We're taught to get that job because we're at the bottom of the totem pole and you want to get to the top. But when you open up and you accept everything you are for who you are, it's much easier to get to that top.

That's beautiful. Yeah, I think that letting go and knowing that, you know, it's up to us what kind of pace we want to keep. And I'm always amazed at the lessons learned from my children, especially my youngest, who—

Ruby, she's adorable.

Thank you. She is a character. She's, she's my little angel. She really is. And, you know, I'm just amazed at how, you know, children can be so in the moment. And when you talked about notice that the gifts really around you, you know, we were on a walk the other day and she was like, oh, Mom, Look at that butterfly on the tree over there. Oh, Mom, did you see that bluebird? Like, she notices all these beautiful gifts around us in a world where things are pretty crazy right now. Notices the gifts, and she teaches me to notice the gifts even more. And I love—

I love that you share that with us, by the way.

Oh, thank you.

I love that you share that path.

Thank you.

It's those moments that we need to treasure.

Well, let me tell you, if, if I shared some of the stories that went on behind the scenes, it's pretty crazy over here.

Oh, thank goodness.

Oh my God, pretty crazy. My husband said the other day, you, you guys can't post that video. She will get kicked out of her school. She goes to Catholic school. No, I promise we're not gonna—

we're not pushing that. I love that because all of my children went to Catholic school from kindergarten all the way through up to college.

Oh, really?

Yes.

I love her school, and I love that they really crack the whip because Ruby needs it. She's a little daredevil. But I love something you said that If you can't do it, meaning if you can't love yourself or you can't accept yourself today or you can't move forward today, it's okay. There's tomorrow.

Mm-hmm.

And because there was a time when I did not love myself at all. And I actually, I hated my leg. I hated the way it looked. I hated the pain that I had. And I was in total denial. And it wasn't until a doctor helped me— he actually helped me love myself by— he looked at my leg a little differently. And then I thought, well, if he can do that, maybe I can do that too. And my husband loved me before I loved myself. And it sounds like your husband really loved you through a lot too.

He loved me before I even knew myself.

Yeah. Well, maybe we can— maybe we can have a double date someday. I have a feeling they would get along too. Now, I know, I know you have a busy schedule, and I just have a couple more questions.

Yes.

Let's see. I wanted to know, how do you find the energy and the motivation to do all that you do? Because you post on social media like a rock star. Phone calls every day and you do your show. How do you find the energy to do that?

One, taking time to rest. 2, constantly working with my doctors on the natural healing path. And every 3 months I do blood work. What's going on? What's needed? What's too much in your body? And we reregulate constantly and it's a constant open door. Like, I can call any one of my doctors at any given time. Something's wrong. I'm too tired. I've lost too much sleep this week. They readjust, and it's all natural products, and I will send you a list of all of them. And they're just— they're from God's green earth, and it's the way that we heal our bodies. And sometimes you do need Western medication. I'm not putting that down, but I really have learned to Listen. So within that day, I have the energy because of all the supplements I take, the way that I eat, the way that I rest, and the way that I reserve my energy to be able to write. The days I'm in bed and I don't feel good, I write and journal a lot. So the days that I don't feel well and I want to post, I'll take a picture from my archives and then I'll go into my writings and I'll pick up something, whether it's emotional, Spiritual, positive, and I'll copy paste. Today is a real—

That's amazing. That's amazing. Because man, when I'm not feeling well, I can't even think straight.

Yeah.

Who knows what I'd put out there?

Brain fog.

Brain fog is real. It's real.

Brain fog is real.

It'll take me— I had to stop myself yesterday because I was in the office and I was trying to— I was like, just let me get 2 more emails out. And it was taking me forever to just type up one email. I couldn't, I couldn't remember how to spell like simple words. And I was like, I'm pushing. I need to stop. I just have to stop and I'll start again tomorrow. And, you know, it's given myself or ourselves permission to stop so we can start again. And it's not, you know, it's Resting doesn't mean quitting.

Nope.

It means that we're just taking care of ourselves in order so we can reboot and rejuvenate and continue on. And so—

And also learning— I had a hysterectomy and a double mastectomy. I went through menopause at 40. So I'm 54 today, and I have to supplement my body with things that I don't get every day because my body doesn't make them. And Being a woman, you have to really be intuitive to those hormonal imbalances and really listen to it and have a doctor you can truly count on. And if that doctor's not worth— not giving you what you need, find a new one.

Yeah, I think it's so important to have the right doctor and not— easier said than done, not always an easy thing to do. It sounds like you have a great team of doctors I do.

They're all in Redondo Beach.

Is that one of the things you help with for your nonprofit is to help advocate?

Yes. Yes. I work with Dr. Peters and his wife, Jeannie, in Redondo Beach. I work with Dr. Amber. I work with my neurologist. And then I work with, you know, your normal doctors, your OB-GYN, all of that. But, you know, really taking care of you first has made me where I am today. And before, I ate crap. I did whatever. I was the snack chip potato lady. M&M's. Yeah, but it's true. What we put in our gut, what we put in our stomach affects our mind, our brain fog, our function, our stress levels. And I fall off the wagon when it comes to wanting the potato chips and, you know, the extra things that I shouldn't have.

I hear you. Oh my God. It's hard.

Mm-hmm.

But I heard a quote the other day and it really got me to thinking. It wasn't really a quote. It was something that I— an article I read about. If you think about how 1 milligram of a drug can affect your whole body, think about what food can do for your body.

Yeah. And I always say now, when you're in the grocery store, if you're going down the center aisles, you're going down the wrong path.

It's so true. I heard that on— I can't remember where I heard that. time ago that you should do all your shopping on the outside of the grocery store. That's where you find the healthy stuff.

The healthy, yeah.

And we shop at like 3 different stores because there's, you know, I don't— we go to Trader Joe's, we go to Erewhon. I don't know if y'all have Erewhon. Sprouts?

No, I have Trader Joe's and Sprouts and Whole Foods.

Yeah, try to eat as organic as possible.

And then I just— Everything that Robert and I eat is organic, although there are the days that I crave that hamburger.

All in. Yeah.

But then I have to say, is it worth the pain for the next week? And, you know, this past few days have been really tough on me with the pain, and that's why I decided to share a post today about what happens to us living with chronic illnesses or even just mental illnesses. But it's okay to tell your truth and to take care of you and not to feel selfish.

The truth will set you free.

Exactly. Yeah. And you have taught us all that. I'm grateful for you.

Thank you. Well, I'm still, I'm still learning, and I love learning from you. I feel like I have so much more to learn But that's one of my favorite things is just to continue learning and growing. And that's one of the reasons I love doing the podcast is because I learn so much from each guest. And I always ask every guest, because everyone's always had a different answer and I love it. What is your definition of resilience?

My definition of resilience, so many things. But if I have to choose one, resilience against yourself to continue to move forward. Just keep resilience against yourself because there's gonna be a barrier in front of you no matter where you go, but it's you that is in front of that to continue to move forward. That is my resilience, my soul, me to move forward.

You have the key to unlock your resilience.

Yes. And every day it's a different resilience. It's not just one.

It's like a muscle. Every day you got to work it, and that's how we strengthen our resilience.

Exactly.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story, your wisdom, and your hope. I can't wait to read your book. Tell people the best way they can find you so they can all reach out to you.

Yeah. The best way you can find me is @dommariehealthyandfit on Instagram. I'm always on there and I have my Linktree where the book will be on, where you can go there and go straight to purchase the book. And in that, on my stories and on my page, that's where I'll be posting where you can purchase the book and my website as we keep continuing to build it and move forward for the nonprofit. And if you ever need a hand, I'm here. But Domri Healthy and Fit is where I'm always at.

Thank you. Thank you so much, beautiful. Thank you for being on.

Thank you so much, Amberly. You truly inspire me and I'm honored. Thank you.

Thank you. Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Grit and Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends. That would help too. If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to amberlylago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable gratitude journal, and you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next week.