Resiliency, Reinvention, and Creating Self-Love with Gabrielle Stone

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert and bestselling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace.

Hi, thank y'all for being here. Today on the show, I have Gabrielle Stone, a dancer, award-winning actress who you may know from movies such as The Lighthouse, Speak No Evil, or Zombie Killers, just to name a few. She is the bestselling author of Eat, Pray, #FLM. She has really turned heartbreak and pain into purpose. And now shares her self-love practices with others so they too can embrace their vulnerabilities, show up authentically, take their power back, love with open hearts, and live their best lives. I'm so excited that you're here. Thank you so much for being on the show. It's so nice to see your face.

Oh, I'm happy to be here. Thank you for having me.

Well, I wanted to, to see you in person, but we're, we're still kind of In weird times with COVID right now, although we're getting a little bit of our freedom back, it's still kind of a crazy time. So maybe we'll just have to meet after this in person.

Yes, wine preferably.

Well, I, when I was reading your book, we have so much in common. And I was saying before we started the interview how I'm not really a great reader, like it really has to be something good for me to like be able to stick to it and want. And I could not put your book down. I haven't got to the very end, but it's so good. But when I first picked it up, I also have to admit that I was like, okay, I got to get with the times because I did not know what the hashtag stood for.

Yes. So I've gotten that a few times. It's slang. And look, if it was my choice, I would have, I would have written it out fully and it would have just been called Eat, Pray, Fuck My Life. But because I didn't want to blast the F word across the front cover. We went with FML and that's what it stands for.

And now it's, it's all across social media everywhere. You see your book and your hashtag. And yeah, and if I say a cuss word, I have to pay my daughter. She makes a dollar every time I say a cuss word. So we have a jar and she's getting rich off my husband. So I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good about it. But then also, before we talk about your book, I am so happy to talk to you about dancing because you grew, you grew up here and, and had famous parents. They're in the industry. They're actors, directors. And then you were a dancer. And I bet we know some of the same instructors. Where did you take class growing up?

I grew up dancing. I didn't ever do the competitive dance. I did, I danced at a studio called Sierra Dance Studio in Woodland Hills, and I ended up teaching there for 8 years once I, once I graduated. And it was a very family-style studio. You went and you learned and you grew and you did an amazing recital at the end of the year. And it really instilled a love and a passion for it that wasn't a competitive nature.

Mm-hmm.

I then, you know, went on to dance throughout high school But it's always been a really big passion of mine, and especially doing choreography. That was where I really fell in love with the art form, was when I was teaching and I could choreograph and, you know, have these amazing dancers put on this incredible spectacle to make you feel something. So it's always been a passion of mine. I do miss it. I dance, you know, for fun now. You know, my friends and I will go out and go to clubs. I love salsa dancing. But yeah, it was—

Are you on TikTok yet?

I am, but like, I haven't done the dance stuff. I've just been doing random funny stuff. And that's only because I was so bored in quarantine. I was like, okay, I guess I'll cave and get on TikTok now.

But I know I only got on—

Dance challenges yet.

Yes, I know. I only got on TikTok because my daughter was like, oh, Mom, you're too old to be on TikTok. And I was like, oh, I am getting on TikTok.

I will prove you wrong.

But then I almost feel like there's more pressure when you grew up a dancer and you're on TikTok. You're expected, man, you better be doing some great TikTok dancing.

I know, I know, the bar gets set higher. Yeah.

Well, when I first started reading your book though, I have to say, I was really surprised in the beginning of your book. Some must have been just really hard things to get over, and maybe you still carry these things. It sounds like you've healed a lot from loss. But you had abandonment issues because you had some— I think you were 6 years old?

Yeah.

When the first, like, very traumatic thing happened. Can you tell us about that? Sure.

So I was almost 7. I was still 6. And I walked in on my dad dead on the floor. And my mom was across the world shooting a film. And I was with my nanny, who is still a very, very dear friend of mine. And she flew home the next day, but you know, it takes 24 hours to get home from New Zealand, and came home and we spent a week together and she had his memorial service and kind of got everything in order. And then I went back and got on a plane with her and we went back to New Zealand and she finished the film. And that was my first example of really how to handle things that erupt in my life. by my very, very strong mother.

Mm-hmm.

But yeah, that was the first instant I had, and I developed a belief that I carried with me throughout my entire life, which is when I love someone, they die. That obviously wasn't necessarily always how it showed up. I did lose my high school sweetheart in a tragic car accident, and that was a very clear reopening of that wound. But it also shows up as, you know, it doesn't necessarily have to be physically dying. Like, if I love someone, they leave. If I love someone, I'm not in control. It showed up in many different ways. And my abandonment fear, that really put me in a place of never wanting to be by myself.

Mm-hmm.

And that showed up with me always having a boyfriend or me always having friends over. And, you know, I always had a sleepover going on or I had a roommate and I I was never really truly comfortable by myself. And this journey that I ended up taking really forced me to deal with that head on. And I think it was divinely timed by the universe to teach me some big lessons.

Isn't that the truth? I swear the universe gives us things that we may not want at the time. We don't think we need it, but it teaches us if we can just look at it as an opportunity. Like when something happens to me, And I really don't like it, or it's not— it did not go— things didn't go as planned, I always go, okay, well, what am I learning from this?

Yeah.

You know, instead of— and something that I really noticed about you is you don't play the victim role. You are the victor. Like, it seems like when things come up, things happen to you, you're like, okay, well, What next? What can I do? Yeah. Things that happen. Do you think that is from because of how you were raised from a very strong mom who, you know, your mom could have crumbled and, and, and set an example of a victim for you, but instead she set an example of a resilient woman who was like, okay, we're going to deal with this, but then we have to move on. We have to continue living our lives. Do you feel like your mom has played a big role in how you handle things?

Oh, absolutely. She's the reason that I don't hold on to the victim storyline narrative. And I'm so thankful for that. And I've taught a lot of people in my life how to navigate through that because it's such an important thing when you— first of all, I'm a walking example of everything happens for a reason. And when you truly believe that, Even the hardest, darkest, lowest points that you go through, you know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, whether you can see it when you're going through it or you don't see it, you know, for a couple years. Then looking back on it, you can see why it made you grow, why it needed to happen. Um, but I am very thankful that I was raised that way.

Mm-hmm.

I think my whole life, the things that I have gone through would have been a lot harder if I didn't have that mentality. And I remember really clearly my mom looking at me one day when I was very— when I was young, and she looked at me and she said, Gabby, I know it was really difficult that Daddy died, and I know that we're really sad about it, but you're not gonna be the little girl that lost her daddy. You're gonna be the little girl that grew from it and became—

Wow.

And I have. It's really It really put me on the path. Not that she ever didn't let me grieve, or— I mean, we cried and she let me feel whatever I needed to feel, but she, she vocalized to me that, like, we're not going to stay in this, like, oh, I'm acting out because I lost my dad, or, oh, I'm doing this because I lost my dad. It was not an excuse. It was something that became part of my story.

And I like that you say it's something that became part of your story, but it did not define you.

Right.

There's a big difference. And I think that that's hard for me even because sometimes, you know, when I do interviews, anything, especially on TV, they always want to show, you know, the motorcycle accident. And that's, that's part of my story, but I don't want it to define who I am. And then when they find out that I have all these other things that I've overcome, they're like, oh, well, no wonder you could get over that motorcycle accident because all along the way you were building your resilience. And that's something that I think resilience is definitely a characteristic that is one of your strong points because, well, first of all, to be in the industry, I think you have to be resilient.

Yeah.

You know, and—

It's a prerequisite to be in the film and television industry.

It's, it's a lot. I mean, it's a lot. There's a lot Well, for me anyway, there was a lot of rejection. There wasn't, you know, I moved out here to be a dancer and I remember, you know, from the small town that I grew up in, I was like one of the top dancers and I moved to LA and I was like, oh my God, I suck. You know, I had to work really hard and take twice or 3 times or 4 times as many classes as other people when I was on scholarship. Did you ever train with Joe Tremaine?

No. No.

No, I was on scholarship with him. And so I wondered, but I've heard of your dance studio, actually. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's still around.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, my daughter's friend actually takes dance there.

Oh, cool.

But yeah, and I think that just— well, do you think that being a dancer kind of really instilled some resilience in you? Because That's not easy either. I mean, I had lots of injuries to get over. And like I said, I did it as a profession. And there was a lot of rejections that I would have to get over. Do you feel like dancing? And then I know you didn't do that professionally, as per se, like the acting you did. And you started acting when you were like 18.

Yeah.

Doing professional jobs, right?

Yeah.

That's young. Do you think that that helped you build your resilience?

I think that dance helped me have an outlet and get in touch with my emotions. My favorite dances to do were the hardcore contemporary songs where you were like supposed to be crying.

Yeah.

Because it was such an outlet for me. I think the discipline of ballet definitely helped me stay in a resilient mindset for sure. And I think it definitely helped prepare me for making the switch into acting because of the discipline and being able to know your body and be in tune and in touch with your emotions and what you're physically going through is a big thing to be able to have in your acting. And dance really did that for me.

Yeah. And I think that it really, it's so much, well, actually I have the book right here. I'm reading Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting Your Soul by Deepak Chopra.

Great title.

It's really good. And it talks about it. What?

Is that his new one?

No, it's really old. And it's one of these that I've had sitting on my, you know, table for a while. And I've just— it's highlighted and stuff. But it talks so much about the mind and body connection, like what we think we become, you know, and, and it's just a strong connection. And there's, you know, one, there's just things that are in there that are shocking. And when I was reading your book, I could put the 2 books together and they really related, like what you went through with your love, your husband when you were married, who cheated on you. And by the way, when I read that part, I was like, my husband, my first husband cheated on me too, and I was really young. And you, your writing, you are so— you take what is a very serious subject and you add like comedy to it. You make it like—

Yeah.

You're like, you could have been a detective because what you did to figure out how he was cheating and stuff. But that just, man, I— it took me back to the time 26 years ago when my husband cheated on me and used my credit card to stay at Chateau Marmont with his—

Oh.

And I'm like, Dude, you used my credit card. How, how dumb can you be?

That's, that's a new— Yeah, yeah.

But we didn't have social media like we do now where you can kind of track people. But the way you handle— tell me about that time. That must have been so hard. Here you, you know, you've been through life where you've lost your dad, you've lost the first love of your life, and now you're losing someone, but In a different way. And tell me about that time.

So just to give everyone a little bit of context, and this is also what the book is about, I was married for almost 2 years and found out my husband was having an affair with a 19-year-old for 6 months. I filed for divorce, left. Shortly after that, met a guy, fell madly in love with each other, had a whirlwind romance, convinced me to go on a month-long trip to Italy. 48 hours before we were getting on a plane, I told him, or he told me he needed to go by himself. And I was devastated, broke my heart like my ex-husband never could have done. And I said, well, I have a decision to make, and that's either stay at home heartbroken or go travel Europe for a month by myself. So I took a backpack and I did 6 countries over the span of a month, and that is essentially what the book is about.

But I have to say, that is really big because you had said earlier how your whole life you were scared to be alone.

Oh yeah. So when I—

You were really jumping out of your comfort zone.

Yeah. And that was what I meant when I said everything happens for a reason. I could see, even though I was so heartbroken when he told me he had to go by himself, it was clear as day that the universe was like, okay, you're gonna go fix the biggest thing in your life right now. It was like a clear delivery of like, here you go, are you gonna take the opportunity or not? And it did, it changed my life. So it was, it was divine intervention for sure. But to answer your question about, about the cheating and, and my ex, it, it's kind of wild because when I first sat down to write the book, I wasn't even going to include like the stuff about how I found out everything. And I was just going to kind of be like, yeah, I was married, he cheated on me, I was divorced, and this is where my story starts. And all my girlfriends were like, no, no, no. I mean, this is It's like an episode of CSI. You have to talk about how you found out. It's ridiculous.

Well, it was pretty darn brilliant, I have to say.

So it, you know, to me, I'm so disconnected from it and him and that part of my life. He's very much so just a character in my story at this point. I feel really lucky that he made it so easy for me to just be like, I'm done. Because I would have stayed in that marriage a very long time trying to make it work and wasted a lot of my life with a really not great person. So I'm very oddly thankful to him for all of that. It really set me free to go, you know, live my life the way I think it was always intended to be, and I learned so much from it. Um, but writing about it and then really doing the audiobook was a very weird experience for me because here I was sitting in a booth acting out essentially verbatim these scenes, if you will, between my ex-husband and I that I so clearly remember exactly where I was standing and exactly how I felt. And it was very strange and weirdly cathartic to be speaking his words out loud and like voicing all of this for the first time. It was really—

Yeah.

Really interesting.

Well, let me tell you, I just recorded my audiobook right before we went into COVID. I finished it like right before we went into COVID. It was so much harder than I thought. And who would think that reading your own book in a little booth could be that hard? It's hard, but you're right, it's cathartic.

Yeah.

It gave me a whole new respect for actors because— and narrators who do that for a living because it's, it's a lot.

I mean, I had— I am an actor, so it— I had a fun experience. Like, every day I was like, this is my dream job to keep my pajamas on and go to a studio and get to like have fun and act and read things. But my book's also lighthearted, and so there were many like funny moments and there were moments where I cried and it It was, it was just fun. It was a really fun experience for me, but I can totally see if you're not an actor how that could be insanely difficult. I mean, I—

Oh gosh.

Went in and was like, do I know what I'm doing? Is this different than just reading? Like, do I need to take a class? Like, it was very outside my normal zone. Yeah.

And, and for me, I'm not— I always just jump into things. I'm always like, oh yeah, I always say do something that scares you. And so sometimes that gets me in trouble. But I went in not knowing how to do it at all. Never done anything like that before. And the last day of recording, I was so nervous that I actually had to go out of the booth. And I told the director, I was like, I can't, I can't, I'm having a hard time breathing. I just need to do some pushups real quick. And so I went out doing pushups, went back in. I'm like, okay. But that's how I got some of the anxiety out.

Yeah.

That's what I do backstage before events. what I do, like, in my office sometimes before interviews, I'll do push-ups. It gave me a whole new respect. And I can't— I should have got your book on Audible. I'm gonna get that next because I'm gonna have to get that next so I can hear you. Because it's different when you listen. And there's, uh, one thing that I really love about your book is that, um, it feels like, um, Sitting there with you telling me a story because your voice is very clear and strong throughout the book. And I think one of the reasons that is, is because you did handwrite your book.

Yeah.

Like on a train or on the way to the next city or country that you were going to. Did you feel like that was cathartic, just the whole writing process?

That writing this book got me through 2017. I mean, I can't even imagine not having done this and like trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. And a lot of people think that I wrote journal entries and then like created a book when I came home. If you open my journal, it's like chapter 1, and it's extremely close to the finished, edited, you know, hard copy cover. It— I really, I feel like I almost channeled it, like it just had to come out. It was insanely cathartic and it was the best form of therapy I could have had. And I wrote 3/4 of it on my trip and finished it when I came home. And when I came home, it was finishing, you know, the stuff with my ex-husband and like the beginning stuff and like, you know, editing some things here and there. But the majority of it was written, you know, on a train to Barcelona and like in a cafe in Paris and while I was going through everything. And I think that's why people when they read it feel so with me. They're, they're like doing this journey with me. Um, because it's, it's written in the way that I talk, like I was talking to one of my girlfriends and it's, it's written as it was happening.

And so you really, you wrote a book and you healed yourself and you really found yourself. And one of the things that you say is you realized that We're never really alone. So that feeling that you had, or maybe had some fear about, you're like, well, we're never really alone.

Yeah. I think the biggest thing, and you haven't gotten to this part in the book, but the biggest takeaway that I got regarding the abandonment stuff that I had set out to really, you know, face head-on in the first place was that I'm never really abandoned because I'll never abandon myself. And when I finally— it sounds so simple, but when that clicked for me, it was like, oh, okay. And it just, it turned me into this entirely new woman. And I came back from that trip a different person in a lot of really great ways.

Yeah. You know what? You saying that really, that's beautiful. And it makes me think, I've never been afraid to be alone. And I think it's because at a very young age, I was sexually abused by my stepfather. And when I went to my dad to ask for help and tell him, he didn't help. And from that point on, I knew, okay, well, I can help myself.

Yeah.

I can, I can. And I stood up to my stepfather and I learned that I was strong enough to handle things. And as horrible as it felt as a child, I like you, like you always talk about, you know, how we can learn from situations.

Yeah.

For me, it taught me so much more that I could, that I wasn't, I wasn't alone because I would never abandon myself, that I was strong enough to get through situations, that I could take care of myself. And so I think I love the way you look at things, um, even with your, your ex-husband, instead of, you know, a lot of people hang on to anger and resentment and it makes them bitter and then they don't ever want to be in a relationship or the relationship—

It turns you down ultimately. You know, it's like holding on to the anger and the resentment, that's only going to lower your vibration. And it's like, they don't care. They're off doing their thing.

Exactly. And life is so much better when you can look at something and be grateful for the reason why it happened, because your, your life goes on and you have found joy and happiness in you. But back to your, your trip through Europe, Were you ever scared that you were alone?

Oh yeah, I mean, I remember that first day in London walking around.

I—

it was such a mixed bag of emotions because on one hand I was like, I'm such a badass, I'm doing this, I'm here, I'm by myself, I'm adventuring. And then the other half of me was so aware that I was alone. I remember standing in the London Eye and being like, everyone here is either with a family group or a couple. I am the only person that is here by myself. And it was so weird to feel that like mixture of things. And then, you know, by the time I got halfway through my trip, it was more empowering to be alone.

Mm-hmm.

And I, I loved that I was alone. I just did my second solo trip, which was by choice this time, and it's It's really, really life-changing. Every time you can go push yourself out of your comfort zone and go travel by yourself, it will change your life and you will learn so much about yourself. It's, it's a really incredible thing to go do. I know a lot of people are terrified of it, but if you can do that once in your life, it will drastically change you as a person.

Oh my God, are you kidding? That's like a dream come true for me. I love being alone. And the thought of just being on a train with a good book or something, oh my goodness, that sounds like heaven. Now, I did go through Europe, but I went with my girlfriend and we did not make any plans either. We had back then, it was called Let's Go Europe or something like that. And it listed, it was a book. That's before we had like, you know, all the things that we have now. This is— I'm old as dirt. So back before we even had cell phones. And we had a book that named all the hostels. And so even though we were just a couple of young girls traveling across Europe, we met so many interesting people along the way, especially in hostels.

Hostels are the way to go.

Oh yeah. So I love parts of the book that I've I've read through and that you talk about the different people that you met. Do you still keep in touch with those people?

I do. A lot of them actually. Everyone's first question, I don't know if you've got, you probably haven't gotten to Barcelona yet, but there's a guy I meet in Barcelona named Chris and everyone's first question is always like, did you still talk to Chris? Like, did he ever come and see you? And yeah, I talked to a lot of people that I met on that trip. A lot of us are still in touch on Instagram. I've seen a bunch of them randomly since then, And, you know, when they've been in town, we've gotten together. And it's fun because whenever things get posted on my Instagram about the book that directly relate to certain characters or certain people that I met, they always message me. And it's, it's fun and it's funny and it's kind of wild for them on their perspective to be like, I was traveling Europe, met this random girl, and now I'm in a book.

Yeah.

It's this wild connection that we all have. And everybody knew that I met on the trip. I told them I was writing it, so everyone was kind of like cheering me on and waiting for it to come out. And it was, it was a really cool experience to have with the people that I met.

Oh, I love that. And I love that you said that, you know, you started to feel more empowered when you were on this trip and you probably, you know, like, oh, I can actually meet people. I can do anything. But did, because I do think it makes you feel when you can, when you jump out of your comfort zone and you start to do things that are scary and you actually do it, It does build your confidence and empowers you to go do more. Did you ever come across any scary times on your trip? Because I got mugged in Europe.

I'm really happy that I did not have that happen. I did. There was a time in Paris that I, that I write about, and I like bumped into this guy on the street and he was like, oh, let me— are you American? Let me take you around. He seemed very nice and not threatening. I know me Reiterating the situation. It's like, really, girl? Like, you just went with some random person? But he was like small. If there was ever a— I could have taken him. Like, it was not a threatening situation. But he ended up walking me so far that I didn't really know where we were. It was my first night in Paris. We ended up in like the drug dealing section of Paris where he knew everyone by name, and he started hitting on me and being very weird. And it definitely Made me feel very uneasy. And when I finally got back to my hostel, I had my hands in my pockets holding my cell phone and I felt a hand come into my pocket and go out. Luckily, I was grabbing my phone. I would have lost my shit.

Oh.

But yeah, it definitely— that was the only time and that was the only city that I didn't feel 100% like fine and safe. My hostel was also in, I think, a sketchier part of town. Everywhere else, There was nothing— like, I was very just universally protected that whole trip.

Well, that made me think of— this has been a long time ago, and I wish I could find that journal that I kept. But when my girlfriend and I went, we were in Italy and we met a couple of guys, and we had been talking with them all night over dinner. And like you, it felt safe. It felt like— and they kept insisting that, you know, We'll take you to see all the fountains. Let's go to— and we've said, no, thank you. We've seen all the fountains. And they're like, oh, but you haven't seen them at night. Let us— we'll take you to see the fountains at night. They're beautiful. We're like, no, thank you. They're like, well, at least let us give you a ride back to your hostel. And so yes, we get in the car with them and they were driving further and further out of town, like out of the city limits.

Yeah.

And got further and further and it got really scary. And we were like, stop the car, where are you taking us? And I'm like, oh my God, we're being kidnapped right now. So my friend is sitting in the front seat, I'm sitting in the back. She jumps out of the car while the car's going. She just leaves. And so they freak out, they stop. I get out of the car and I'm like, dude, why'd you jump out of the car? You just bailed on me. We gotta stick together.

Give me a 1, 2, 3.

Let's do this together. And so it was a really— luckily we did make it back. Okay, we, we got away from them, but it was a scary situation. We also got in Florence, we had been, you know, if you missed that last train in some stations, the bus— I don't know how they are now, but a while ago that some of the stations get kind of sketchy at night with drug deals and stuff like that. And we were We were in Florence and we missed the last train and we had people circling us all night. And I was sitting on my backpack so nobody could try to come and grab it. And we finally get on the train and I'm sitting on the train. And just when you think, okay, I'm safe, I got it, we're on the train. This guy runs up to me with a knife and he's like, give me your money. I grabbed my knife and I was like, you're not getting our money. And he— Oh my gosh. His eyes got wide and he took off running. I bet he did. Because I don't think he was expecting some young touristy girl to pull a knife right back up on him. Now, I think that was probably stupid on my part, but it was just my reflex. And sometimes you don't know what your reflex is or what you're going to do. But that really, when I got back in the States, it empowered Me to go take Krav Maga and take boxing and Muay Thai and all of that just to be able to take care of yourself.

Yeah, wild story.

Can be some crazy times, but like, like we were saying earlier, it's like just, just to know that you can take care of yourself starts to empower you. And now you talk a lot to other women about how Well, what I love about what you share on social media, and if you guys aren't following her yet on social media, I love all that you post on Instagram. Um, and what I love is that you're so real and you're so authentic, and which is a lot different from being a, you know, an actor in the Hollywood scene.

Yeah.

can be a lot of ego and facade and just phony a lot of times. Let me just say it. It's a lot of times phony. And you show up so authentically. And I think you give others that permission that they didn't maybe even know they needed to be authentic. And you're really showing people how to lead with love in everything that you post.

I really, I really appreciate that. I, I think that really started— I mean, I've always tried to be honest and open on my, on my social media platforms, but I think that really started when I left to take this trip. I had been, you know, posting things of my ex-husband and I when we were together, and I remember clearly someone telling me, God, I thought you guys had this like amazing life and everything was just perfect. And I'm like, no, that's like the problem with social media is people are sitting at home looking at someone else's feed and it's like a highlight reel of—

And you never really know.

No. And it's, look how great this is and look at me here. And so when I left on that trip, I was at the airport and I posted a picture of like me and my backpack and I hadn't publicly said anything about the cheating or the divorce. Like it had just been like my friends and family that knew. And I sat there and I wrote, A whole post about all of it and was like, look, I'm leaving on this trip. I'm not okay. I'm going to go figure out my life. And I got hundreds of messages saying, God, this spoke to me on such a deep level. Please keep sharing your story. This was such an important message for me to read today. And that, it was only because of that, because initially I was like, I'm going to post this and kind of just check out for my trip and like not really deal with social media. But it was because of all those messages that I felt this responsibility to continue to show up authentically, like how I was feeling. And there were days where I was like, I'm on top of the world and this is so amazing and look at this place that I'm at. And there were days where I was like, I have been sitting crying and writing for 6 hours. And And it's— I'm so glad on so many levels that I chose to do that. One, because every day now all of those Europe pictures get liked because people that are reading the book then go back and try and like match the pictures to what they're reading. So it's really fun for me to see that. But also because it really started—

I know, just you sitting here saying that, I'm like, I can't wait to go back and see those pictures. I'm gonna totally go back.

Yeah.

Go back to your Instagram and scroll back.

I think people try and figure out who people are. It's really, it's fun. And you can see the pictures of locations that I'm talking about. But also because that was really the time where I was like, okay, whenever I post something, it's gonna be how I'm feeling and real and not sugarcoated. And if I'm sad, it's gonna be my feelings. And I think that's why I've been able to connect with a lot of people is because I really live by that now.

And I just think that you can, for me anyway, and I think other people can feel it or sense it when it's not authentic.

Yeah.

There's just something, there's a disconnect. Yeah.

And nobody's life is that perfect all the time. So like, if you're seeing all these amazing things and nothing's ever wrong, it's because they're not showing you or telling you that nothing's ever wrong.

Well, I totally agree. I mean—

That damages people that are viewing that. I have friends at home that are like, God, I wish I had what so-and-so has. And it's like, that's not her life. That's what she's showing you. So I think the more women, real women, can show up and be like, hey, it's not peaches and cream all the time, and my life sure as hell isn't perfect. Hello, I wrote a book about it. So the more we can all do that and be authentic, I think the healthier this social media age will be.

I think so too. Yeah, I remember when I wrote my book and I was on my book tour and it was insane. I had no idea that it would be so busy and I just wasn't, I wasn't prepared. I mean, I went on the Today Show and I had no idea that my emails would then be flooded. And it just, it was amazing. Don't get me wrong, it was amazing.

Yeah.

But I remember I was going from city to city to city doing the book tour. And I was setting up a lot of the book tours and I was promoting it when, and I was trying to brand myself and blah, blah, blah, when I had no idea what I was doing. I was just putting and one foot in front of the other. And I remember somebody was like, oh, wow. Well, your life just looks perfect. You've got a book and a husband and you even have a little cute dog and blah, blah, blah. And that message really inspired me. I think it was the first time I was like, really? And I went snap and I showed a picture of what I was looking at in that moment when I couldn't even put a shoe on because my leg hurt so bad. You know, and I showed the scars on my leg and I show and I told what it really was like living with chronic pain every day. I mean, as we're sitting here right now, I can't have a sock on. I've got a sock on one foot but not on the other just because I can't have it touching my leg. And I think you're right. I think we do need to to be, as women especially, to show up authentically. And, and, and so other people know when they see, you know, sometimes when they see that you've struggled and you made it through, that gives other people hope that they can get through things. I love that. You're giving other women hope because it is devastating when you think you're gonna be married to somebody And, and you find out they're cheating on you. It can't— it's devastating at first. It's heartbreaking until you figure out, okay, what am I learning from this? And there is so much more. And this was a blessing in disguise. But you're showing other women, oh no, wait a minute, you— there's so much more to life. Just wait. You're giving people the hope.

That's why I really decided to write the book. As crazy as it sounds, I drove away from my ex-husband's mine and my ex-husband's house and was like, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders and I knew it was gonna be for the better. And I was like thankful that I had gotten out. It was really the guy after that the whole book really centers around that really, for lack of better terms, fucked me up. He really broke my heart. And that being said, he was the catalyst for me Going on this trip, healing myself, writing this book, being like an author now—it it's so divinely ridiculous how everything happened. And I remember my friends would call me and be like, "We just wanted to check in and see what's going on with this week's episode that is your life because it's become a Netflix show." And I knew that when I found out I was taking the trip alone, I was like, there's been too many things that have happened in the past 3 months that I can't not write about this, and I can't not share this journey with people. And the amount of messages I get from women about how it helped them heal, or how it like opened up their eyes to something they weren't seeing in their own relationship, or How it helped them learn how to love themselves. It, it makes it all so worth it. It's like, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Well, there's, there's one thing you talk about, about self-love and something that you call a self-love cocktail. Yeah. Can you share that with us? So the listeners, if they're like, well, I don't know how to self-love, what does that mean? What does that mean?

In my opinion, this is like The golden nugget of the book. I write it in the epilogue because I didn't learn this on my trip. I had a lot more healing to do once I came home, and it didn't feel authentic to say that I learned it on this grand adventure. So it's written in the— as the epilogue, and it's my way of how to love yourself. And I call it the self-love cocktail because obviously I have to equate it to like wine or a fruity cocktail or something. And what you do is you sit down and you write out all the things that you could give yourself that make you happy. So for me, that was dance and creating and going to the gym and meditating and eating healthy. And I sat down and wrote my list. And then you have to commit to giving yourself things on that list every single day. So some days—

And make sure that they're not like, What makes chocolate—

Well, hey, I mean, if you need a piece of dark chocolate a day, I'm not gonna, you know, but yeah, things that make you happy that are good for yourself. So once you sit down and you have your list, you have to commit to giving yourself those things every day. At the beginning, it'll probably be a stiffer cocktail like a vodka martini, and you can only like go to the gym and eat healthy. And then once you do that repeatedly, you can start adding in some of your other ingredients and it becomes like a Fruity margarita, and you have like a splash of dancing, a dash of creating. You keep doing this over time consistently, and before you know it, you wake up and you're feeling so much better, and it's because you're loving yourself. To love yourself, you literally just have to give yourself things that you love.

Mm-hmm.

And it's so simple. And when I finally got it, I was like, oh, because I was sitting there going, Okay, I'm ready to love myself. I know that's the key and answer to everything in life. Can someone let me know how to do that? Like, I'm an actor, give me instructions. And nobody could give me clear, you know, this is what you do. I always thought it was looking in the mirror and being like, I love you, Gabrielle, you're so wonderful. And like, if you can do that, more power to you. But like, I felt weird and psychotic when I was talking to myself in the mirror.

Oh my God, it's so funny you say that because someone just sent me a box with a mirror inside with affirmations, and you're supposed to look in the mirror.

I saw that on your Instagram.

Did you? Like, and I was like, oh, I feel kind of silly. I've never, I've never done that before. I mean, I am a firm believer in affirmations. I think they're powerful, but I've just, I've actually never looked in the mirror and been like, I am successful. I am. I've never done that.

And that's great. I do that in my meditating. And in my breathing exercises. But as far as like actively being able to do something that you're in control over every single day, this was like what really did it for me because I fell into a bad depression when I came back from that trip, and this was what got me out of it because you can control it. You know, when we're down and we're depressed and you don't love yourself, you feel like everything's out of control and you're like, how am I even going to like get to the surface, much less above water. And this is something that you can commit to little by little every single day, you know, even if it's like meditating for 15 minutes in the morning before the kids are up or whatever it is, like you can control it and you can do it and it makes a difference in your life.

Well, what would you say to someone who is so depressed that they're like, I don't even have the energy to dance or exercise or get up and fix myself something healthy to eat. All I want to do is lay under the covers and hide from the rest of the world. What would you suggest to that person?

I would first say I've been there and I get it and it sucks. And then I would say you have to decide. You have to start by making the choice. And once you do that, you don't have to get up and expend a ton of energy and go to the gym and dance. You can put on a meditation for 15 minutes and tell your brain that it's feeling better and open your heart up and do that for a week. That doesn't take getting out of bed. Like, do that for a week and see how things start to shift.

I love that because so much of it is in our head. They're real feelings, but we have the choice to Start to change those feelings little by little. And I know for me, it starts in the mind and it, to have a resilient mind or body, it starts with a resilient mindset. And for me, I knew that if I could just start working out again, I would feel better because—

I'm the same way.

Yeah. And some days I don't feel like working out and I don't have energy and I'm in a lot of pain and I really don't want to do it and it's so hard to push myself, but I focus on the feeling of how I'm gonna feel afterwards and that's how I get myself to do it. I'm like, okay, well, this is how I'm gonna feel if I do this. So I love that. What are you working on now? Are you doing more acting? Is there another book you think you might do? Because that was a question that I got like right after my first book.

Oh my God, that's like the That was the first thing.

And I was like, dude, I barely got through this.

I know, I know. But during COVID I did a, I did a video answering like the top questions that I get all the time, and that was one of them. And my answer is always the same, and I don't think it ever fully satisfies people, but it's the only answer I have. And I have book 2 in my head. I know how it starts, I know what hap— I know what happens, and I know how it ends. I've written small chunks of it, but it's really going to depend on when I feel the first one has reached its level that I'd like to get it to. And it's going to depend on if people give me their blessing because it's my real life, therefore these are real people. Yes, everyone's names have been changed, but It's real, they're real people.

Tough.

I was really fortunate for book 1 that Javier and his whole family signed a release for me.

They did?

Yeah, he was very supportive and like championed me doing it. And I was really grateful for that because I don't think I could have released it with a good conscience otherwise. So I hope there will be a book 2, but it's to be determined and it won't be anytime soon if there is. But yeah, I still, I act, I direct as well. My second film is doing the festival circuit right now. Everything's obviously on hold because of COVID right now. But in January, I shot a film out in Maine. So that should be coming out probably next year. I think I have a horror film coming out later this year, unless things have been pushed because of everything that's going on. So it's, it's been nice because we talk about the resilience as an actor. It was always book a job, book a job, book a job. it wasn't in your control, 'cause it was like, well, I can't book a job until my agent gets me an audition. And like, there was only so much you could do. And then I started directing and it opened up this whole new, you know, path for me. And then when I wrote the book, it was like a whole separate path that I was able to go down. And it's really given me a lot of peace and freedom as a human, being able to have different outlets and— things that like fulfill my creativity, and it's really been a big blessing in my life.

I think that's really important to have those outlets, and I think that's what has gotten me through a lot of trauma is I've always had a creative outlet and there's always something that I can do.

Yeah.

So do you think that your book will be made into a movie?

Well, um, I see it best as a limited series. Like an 8-episode bingeable Netflix-style show.

I'm in. I'd watch it.

There's been talk and we're looking into the options. So, I mean, it's very far off, but I would love to see it on screen. That would be a really fun ride for me.

Yeah, that would be awesome. Well, just thank you so much for being here. What are— besides Besides on Instagram, which is just your name, Gabrielle Stone, what's the best way for people to reach you and get your book?

So I'm most active on Instagram. I am also on Facebook and Twitter. Everything's Gabrielle Stone. The book is @EatPrayFML. I love hearing from people that are reading. I repost stuff. I answer any DM I get that's about the book. So I'd love to hear from people. It's available exclusively on Amazon. So you just type in either my name or Eat Pray FML and it'll come up and there's ebook, paperback, audiobook. Yeah, you can get it there.

Quick and easy. Yeah, I'm loving it and I can't wait to get to the end. I've been like—

Let me know once you do.

Yes, yes. And it has just been such a pleasure to finally get to have you on and I hope I hope that I get to see you in person soon.

We will make it happen. Thank you for having me. This was a nice intellectual, wonderful, like heartfelt interview, so I appreciate it.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Grit and Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it or Share it with your friends. That would help too. If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to amberlylago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable gratitude journal, and you might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next week.