Spin Obstacles into Opportunity with Stephynie Malik

Hi, I'm Jen, founder of Future You Project, and I'll be speaking at Amberly's upcoming Unstoppable Success Summit. If you've always dreamed of getting on stages, starting your own podcast, or writing a book, then this is an event you won't want to miss. Seats are limited and are selling out fast, so grab your ticket at truegritandgrace.com/event. That's truegritandgrace.com/event.

Thank you for tuning in to the True Grit and Grace podcast. I'm Amberly Lago, and I'll be sharing inspirational stories of resilience and empowering ideas to elevate your business and your life. Ignite your passion and fuel your purpose. Hello. Welcome back to True Grit and Grace. I'm Amberly, and I have a real treat for y'all today. I have my girlfriend, Stephanie Mallock, here with us that she has flown in, ready to go. Thank you for being here. She's the president and CEO of S. Mallock Enterprises, a business strategist, High impact performance coach, crisis expert. She's a true leader. I had the honor of being on her top podcast. It's called Spin It Podcast. Y'all need to check that out. Thank you so much, Stephanie. Thank you for being here. I adore you and I am so inspired by you. And to finally get to see you in person and hug your neck is a dream come true. So thank you for being here.

Thank you so much for the invite. I was so excited to see you in the audience yesterday. I literally was like, I I want to get there.

Oh my goodness. I know. So we were at Jeff Crilly Studios yesterday for our friend Trevor Houston's show. And when I found out you were going to be on his show, I'm like, well, heck yeah, I'm going to be there. And then I recorded some video and I was like, oh wow, I was screaming kind of loud for you. I was like, probably obnoxious, but it was amazing. Your story is amazing. And I couldn't wait to have you on the show because There are so many people that are struggling out there. But what I find also is there are so many people that are stuck and they're stuck in this story that they replay over and over in their head and they give excuses on why they can't do something. And I feel like you're focusing on the problem and you're just thinking and thinking and thinking about it instead of taking action steps toward the solution. And you are someone that comes from a lot of trauma, and you have not used that to keep you where you are or stay in that cycle of trauma and abuse. But now you are a leader who has had globally impact and so successful. But it's easy to look at people's LinkedIn. I mean, you are the queen of LinkedIn, and it's easy to look at somebody's profile and go, oh, well, they've just always had it easy and they're just lucky. But you have worked your butt off. No excuses. And so I can read your amazing bio and say all these things about you. But what I love about you is that you really lead with your heart. And I feel like your superpower is your ability to really listen to people and to connect with them and to have compassion for them and what they're going through. And you really care about people and you make them feel so seen and heard. Do you think that superpower was developed because of the way that you grew up?

I was having a pretty deep conversation with Claude Silver in New York a few months ago, and she asked me the same thing. She's like, do you think it's developed or do you think it's innate? I don't know, because I think, I mean, I remember I never heard things the way other people heard them. So even young, even jump rope, even like, I never heard the same thing that other people heard. And I would always ask clarifying questions. So much so I would drive everybody crazy because they would say, sit down and take the test and you're going to do X, Y, and Z. And I was like, do you mean this or do you mean this? And the teachers were always like, ugh. I think I just listened differently. And that has— I never really knew how to articulate it, Amberly. I never really understood if that was a superpower or just an annoyance. I really didn't know. When I got to Silicon Valley and I was a woman and I was the youngest director of a public company and I had a team that was 10 or 15 years my senior, I started to realize the questions that I asked, I was truly interested in. Like, it was really, I didn't be like, oh, hey Amberly. Hey, how was your day? Like, I would be like, you look amazing. Have you been working out? Like, how's everything going for you? Like, I really cared about the question that I would ask. Mm-hmm. It wasn't planned. It wasn't contrived. It wasn't something that was fake. I really actually care. This is good, but this also can be bad. Because when I don't care, you can tell.

Yeah.

It's very present on my face where I'm like, hey. And I don't even say, nice to see you. Good to hear from you. I'm just like, continue walking. So.

Well, I'm the same way and I do not— I think I would be horrible at poker. I've got no poker face. Like if—

same.

And a lot of times people think, oh, she's so sweet. She's so, you know, and especially with a Texas accent, they're like, Actually, sometimes people think— I remember when I first started in the fitness industry and I worked at— I was the youngest person, the youngest trainer at this gym. And one of the older trainers, seasoned trainers, I guess I should say, came up and said, oh, you're so naive. And I thought, if you only knew.

Yeah. No, but it's true.

But it's true. Sometimes don't mistake my kindness for weakness.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

So what do you think your core values are?

One of my core values is to always leave someone, something, a place, a relationship better than what I found it. And better's quantifiable. What's your measurement of success?

Mm-hmm.

So everybody thinks, you know, differently. We're humans. That's what makes everything so amazing. That's why we're always constantly growing and learning.

Mm-hmm.

But it's always really to make people feel better, feel seen, feel heard, even if I don't agree with them. People go, how do you make somebody feel seen or heard if you don't really agree with their, their views? It's so easy to do. It's just almost mirroring. It's like, okay, so you mean this? Have you always been this way? Have you always felt this way? What happened for you that you feel this way? And having a really genuine conversation about where they are. It's all about the experience of learning and really starting to understand how people think and process things differently.

Yeah. And really just being open to hear their side. I wish we had more people that did that. And I want to get into how much You have helped so many people, but I want to understand, like, how did you get into crisis, helping people in crisis?

Yeah, that's a really interesting story. So I grew up in Silicon Valley professionally, held many directorships, vice presidencies, et cetera. And is that why—

is that something you always wanted to do? No.

No. And, and that, you know, I think we have 6 podcasts. Okay. Because I never wanted to be an entrepreneur. I didn't even know what it meant.

Mm-hmm.

I loved the safety of a paycheck. I love the safety of insurance. I love the, you know, the, the, the crap thing of vacation time. I never had hopes of being an entrepreneur. I didn't know what that meant.

I didn't— I didn't even know what that meant either. Right. And then I'm like, oh gosh, that's what I've been since I was 13.

Right, right. Yeah. But you never really know what it is. Mm-hmm. You know, you don't really know. So I didn't really start kind of believing in myself or believing that I was any different. You, you walk in, you look people in the eye, you shake their hand, you have a conversation. Why am I different? Why am I special?

Like, why?

I would leave and I would get these messages from young, from 25, 26. Thank you so much for listening to me today.

Wow.

I really appreciate you not trying to fix it, but you just hearing me out. I really understand. Mm-hmm. And, and I would get these messages over and over again and I'd be like, I'm not, I don't understand how to qualify this. Like, I just don't know what I'm doing. Aren't we just supposed to be nice and respectful to each other? Mm-hmm. Turns out as I grew and grew and grew, as you grow in your position, as you grow in your title, that happens less and less. Mm-hmm. And I, and I think I just didn't really understand that. I didn't get it. I was Amberly. I was a single mom. Okay? I was a tiger was chasing me. I was not being like, how do you feel today, Stephanie? Mm-hmm. Are you gonna get up and are you gonna be able to do it? I had a tiger chasing me. I, I had to pay alimony. Um, I had a, a baby to raise at a very young age with no support.

I was— Oh, we are so much alike. I think that's one of the reasons that we were, we connected. Yeah. Because we were both really young when we had our first child, and I was divorced when mine was a year and, right. And no support. And like, if I wanted a roof over her head and some food for her, right, a can of beans, then I was gonna have to work for it and figure it out.

That's right. I mean, I lived on Top Ramen. I mean, I, I just lived on it. So it wasn't until later, 2017, 27, 28, when I, and, and even now, I mean, I have a 27-year-old daughter, a 26-year-old, a 21-year-old, and 12-year-old. When I look at them and I'm like, oh my God, I, I was a vice president at that age. I had bought and sold 2 houses.

Wow.

I had, you know, done these things. I'm, I go, how, how, how, how did I do it? Mm-hmm. Like, really, how did I do it with no fear? Because I didn't have time to feel anything. My head hit the pillow and I was out. Like, it's not some spectacular story of, let me tell you what happened. I did my business plan, and then I really thought about my strategy. It was nothing like that. These things happened. I treated people really well. I asked for help. I always gave before I took. And I think that people just thought I was a little different because I understood things that were very complex.

And you know what? You are different. I mean, I thought about you last night as my head. hit the pillow and I was tired, but I thought about you and I thought how kind and how giving you are and how genuinely you really want to help people from the first time that I met you. So I was interviewing on your show and we started talking. I think we talked an hour before we even started recording.

Yeah.

But even like today, We pull up and I'm coming up with your suitcase and I'm like, thank you so much for driving to the studio. And you're like, if you ever get stuck in a spot, I've got this person I could connect you with or this. And I want to say thanks so much to Jess, by the way, for letting us use his studio. My goodness. Big shout out for him. But I thought about you and I thought, you're always giving. and helping, and it feels good to give. It feels good to help. It feels good when you can see that light come on in somebody when you've helped them.

Yes.

But what I thought about last night when I was going to sleep, well, where do you fill your cup? I mean, I know I fill my cup when I can help people. That helps. But then sometimes it gets hard. You feel like you're pulled in a million different directions. And I think I thought this because somebody texted me at 10:30 last night and I was trying to— my daughter had just put on And she's like, Mom, can we listen to puppy dog music to go to sleep? And I'm like, yeah. And then I got a text that was like, can you please do me a favor? And I'm like, okay, let me just do this favor really quick. And you just feel pulled in a million different directions. How do you— 2 questions. First of all, how do you fill your cup and how do you set healthy boundaries around people pulling at you?

Yeah. So I suck at both of those.

Okay.

Me too.

I do too. I mean, that's why I'm asking selfishly, like, how do you do it?

Okay, so let me answer the first one. So how do I fill my cup? I think people think I'm extroverted because I'm out so much and because I'm helping so much and because I'm speaking so much and I'm doing so much for others. I am not an extrovert. I am not. If I didn't see another human for 3 months, I would be completely okay. Um, and that's hard because my entire family, they're all extroverts.

Mm-hmm.

So that's very difficult for me.

Oh gosh. Me too.

Right.

I hide in my room sometimes. Yes. Do you do the same?

I do.

I do. Do you?

You swear? I swear. I swear.

No, no, no.

I really, I really, I did. I did before I came here, before I, I got off a, a flight from London and then another flight 2 days later to get here. And I, I, I, I went in my room, I closed the door, and we are on the top floor. My husband and I's room on the top floor. And, and I, I closed the door and And I just sat in there and I was like, I was breathing and I was like, what am I feeling? What's going on for me? I couldn't connect with anything cuz I had been moving so quickly.

Yeah.

I was in London. I had all of these meetings. The queen died. All my meetings got pushed. Like everything was happening. It was completely crazy. My son was starting school. It was, it was just mayhem. And I was like, how do I connect? What's going on for me? And I remember I centered, I grabbed a book. I literally grabbed a back of a book. Okay? And I started writing all the things I'm thankful for. It took me 7 minutes, and I had 50 things. It was simple things. It wasn't ridiculous. It was, I had really lovely warm coffee. I had Philz Coffee this morning. I'm so excited I got Philz Coffee. All the towels felt really fluffy in the dryer that came out. My family's safe. My kids are safe. I just went through the things. I was peaceful. This is why I do it. I do it to create peace for others.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, this is what I need to do to fill back up. I need to connect with my girlfriends. I haven't in a long time. This is what I have to do. I said no to the next 3 favors, and I was honest. I said, I would so love to help you, but right now any help I would give you would be contrived and not real because I am so exhausted. I cannot put my thoughts together. And all 3 of them said, oh my God, Stephanie, what can we do for you? Wow. Okay. Now that takes me to my next thing. I suck at asking for help. Mm-hmm. And people think sometimes it's out of like arrogance or like, um, arrogance or like that maybe I'm cocky or something like that. I don't feel like that at all. I feel like I don't wanna impose. You're on a trajectory. We're all building our businesses.

Yeah.

That's all what we're doing. So anything that you do for me is gonna take away from time from your kids and your husband and your job.

But you understand that a lot of people don't understand that.

Yeah.

And do you think that it's hard for you to ask for help because you never got any help when you were little?

That's exactly it. So I'm not able to mirror the behavior. I've not ever seen what it looks like. Like, my kids come to me and their room's a disaster, and I walk in and I'm irritated and frustrated and sometimes pissed. Okay. But they're like, can you help me? I'm going to walk in every single time and I'm going to help. I'm going to go, okay, but I don't want to continue doing this because this is your job. But nobody ever helped. When somebody does it, I get weird. I get super awkward. I'm like, ugh, what do I help? What are the 9 things I have to do for you? I don't, it's not a comfort feeling for me to peop— for people to give me help.

I'm the same. I'm the same.

It's terrible because we help and serve so many people. We should not be like that. We should be able to reach out and say, hey Amberly, I need this. And not, you know, a giant thing of how's everything going? How's the new move? How's the house? Is your daughter still writing? Like that's, there's a time and a place for that, but if you need something, state your business. And ask me for what it is. Don't tell me you want to pick my brain. If one more person, if one more person DMs me going, hey, do you have a minute?

Can I— I just want to pick your brain. That is so— please don't ever say that.

Don't say pick your brain. Don't say, do you have a minute? No, I barely showered today.

Yes. My husband will say, you don't have time for that. You don't even have time to wipe yourself after you use the bathroom. He actually says that.

No, my husband too. But he'll go, who are you talking to? And I'll be like, oh, Amberly's friends, cousins, sister. uncle, they just moved to New York and they don't have a good realtor. So I'm calling up so-and-so and he's like, oh, what are you doing?

Yep. I think our husbands would get along very well. But yeah. And, you know, that was— it's still sometimes hard for me to ask for help. And I think it is because, you know, when I was younger and I'd ask for help and didn't get it.

Yeah.

And so now, though, when my daughter— this morning I'm running around, I, uh, trying to get things ready and she's like, Mom, I need you to do my hair.

Yeah.

And I was like, I hadn't even done my hair. Are you kidding me? And I'm like, I switch it to, I am so grateful that my daughter wants me to do her hair. I am so grateful that I have the kind of relationship that she actually trusts me to do her hair, which is like, wow, okay. So when you switch it with gratitude, it changes everything.

It's the exact— I mean, we could go on and on about this forever. It's the exact same thing. I'll be on the road and most of the time the kids are with me, so I usually take 2 of them at least, sometimes 1, sometimes 3. When we were in Europe, all 3 of them were there. And I'll be running and I'll be, you know, doing emails. I'll be dealing with clients. I'll be dealing with attorneys. I'll be dealing with agents. I'll be doing, dealing with athletes. I'll be doing whatever, whatever it is. And then my son will come in and he'll go, can you make me pancakes? And I make 'em from scratch, or I make the waffles from scratch. And I'm like, absolutely.

Yeah.

Can we do breakfast for dinner? And then mom will make it because How much longer is he gonna ask, Amberly?

I know.

How much longer is he gonna say, mom, will you help me with this? Or mom, will you read this to me? Or mom, will you help me with my homework? How much longer? We never know the last of something. We, our kids don't announce, we don't want you to sleep with us anymore. You don't have to tuck us in.

Exactly.

They don't announce that. So I'm going to do every single thing that they ask me to do and enjoy it to the fullest.

Me too. And my husband was like, you know, Oh my gosh, she's in our bed again. And I'm like, yes, I love it. I'm going to hang on to that for as long as I can because, yeah, it goes by so fast.

So fast.

It goes by so fast. So you've got 4 kids. How do you manage between all that you do? You say you take them with you. How do you manage? Because you deal with really high-level, very sensitive cases, stressful cases. And you managed to keep your cool when other people would be freaking out because you were really dealing with crisis things where people could be sued, people could completely— their brand could be demolished like that. How do you manage between home life and work life and taking care of yourself? Do you believe in balance? How do you manage all those different moving parts?

So I hate, hate. I'm using that intentionally. I hate the word balance.

Okay. Because some people are like, you can absolutely have balance. I just interviewed someone yesterday who was like, people are going to get upset about this, but I believe in balance. And I'm like, oh, I don't have balance.

I think balance is BS. And I'm going to tell you, A very, very specific reason why balance means that everything has the exact same weight at the exact same time. That is balance. Okay.

Mm-hmm.

I believe in harmony.

Hmm.

So I don't do work-life balance because I wouldn't have a job. My clients don't call me at, at 10:30 in the morning and go, hey Steph, how's it going? Do you wanna grab coffee? I get the 2 o'clock in the morning flip out.

Mm-hmm.

With generally a lot of attorneys, generally a Crying spouse or significant other, sometimes media. Balance? No, that would be— I mean, that's ridiculous. We have rules. We have very specific rules. So they're allowed to come with me unless it's a crisis case. If it's a crisis case, I have to assess first. They're never around— I shouldn't say never. They're most often not around clients, but they're in my office sometimes and the clients are in there. I think you're just really honest. I think you're very truthful. I will tell my— my son's the worst because he's very nosy. Okay. So he always wants to see who's in my office, what's going on.

That's my daughter in my office. So we're in a rental house right now. My office is the only door. It doesn't have a doorknob. Yeah. So I'm embarrassed to say a little bit, but I even stuck a sock in the doorknob. We're moving in a couple of days, by the way. But because it would be like her little eyeball in there, you know, I'm like, I'm with clients. Like, stop, you know?

Right.

But yeah, that's how he is. But I mean, I'm glad that they're curious and they watch everything we do and they're learning. But so they watch you. They want to know what's going on. And I love that you take them with you. And I love that you talk to them like they're people and like they understand, because they understand so much more than I think some people give kids credit for.

Oh, my kids. It's funny. I just got— somebody just reached out to actually do an interview with my kids about me.

Really?

Yeah. And that was hysterical because I was like, what would you say to this question? What would you say to this question? Because, I mean, it's sensitive stuff. Yeah.

And that's cool.

Cool. Yeah, it was really cool. My son said, I'd say you're a totally unfair mom. I would say you don't gimme enough video games. I would say that you're very strict. And I was like, and that's why you're not going on the podcast. So I, I'm honest. I tell 'em, I say, hey, this is a very sensitive case. This person has 2 or 3 kids. It needs to stay secret because I'm trying to really help their family. So you can't know anything. Business clients, you know, sometimes we get offered like, you know, I'll, I'll do something amazing for, for a business client. Um, Recreate their talent strategy or, you know, really talk to them about their leadership skills. We just took a company public and I was able to coach their entire C-suite, and that was absolutely amazing. And so he gave me 2 or 3 suites to, uh, football games and to basketball games. And I make sure that my children know, hey, this was a gift because we did this and this and this. The sacrifice was this.

Yes. Yes. And I think that's really important.

Yeah.

And my daughter will, you know, sometimes be upset if I'm away on a work trip or something. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, And you know that horse you're riding right now?

Right, exactly.

I was able to buy you that horse because that's exactly right. I went away and worked on that trip, you know?

Yeah.

And so I want her to know, and now she's a little entrepreneur.

Yeah. You know, and I think that's super important. They, they don't, they don't see, they just see the time away, but they don't see what the time away brings.

Mm-hmm.

And that if you had your choice and, and their, and money was no object, you would be with them every single second. Yeah. Like, I want to feel you breathe. Like I would be with my kids because of my background. I would be with them constantly. But my youngest is 12. He's been in 23 countries. He's 12.

That's amazing. That's amazing.

My oldest is 27. She's been in 40. Like, they've got to experience how other people live, what goes on outside of our own little bubble.

Little bubble. Yeah. And you know what? Just so the listeners know a little bit, and I know you've shared this a lot, but we talk about how the difference between the kind of mom you are and how you grew up. And so, and I know you've shared this story a lot, but I want people to know, like, you grew up in an environment where you were beaten. You were in the hospital and emancipated at how old?

15.

15. So you grew up quick.

Yeah.

I like something I've heard you share before. You could have chosen to be the same way and do the same thing, or not have kids, or have kids and treat them horribly, or be a bitter person, anger person. And instead you use that and say, I am not going to be that way. What has helped you to build your confidence? Because when you're beaten, when you're abused, when no one comes to help you, when you're raised that way, I think for me anyway, and I was not beaten the way you were, I was sexually abused, which is totally different. But I understand it on some level because it made me feel not worthy enough of being helped or not good enough. And so what did you do to start to build your confidence to go and now do all these things and work with some of the top companies in the world and C-suite and be a leader and all these things? What do you do to build your confidence then? And Do you still work on those confidence-building skills now? Yeah.

So, so amazing question. I'm going to answer it in 2 parts. When I was younger, I think youth built my confidence. I think not knowing. I think, you know, as a young one, I think that you always feel invincible. You always feel— looking back now, I go, aye, aye, aye. Like, God was watching.

Yeah.

Because some of the choices I made, even though they weren't the typical choices, no drugs, no guys, no, like any of those. mind-altering things, I didn't make amazing choices. I didn't have a model to do that. So I didn't have somebody, I didn't have an older one who was doing it right. I just was like, I think this is what you do. What started happening was teachers and professors and older ones would say, hey, why don't you try asking like this? Or, hey, why don't you say this? Because I had a very big chip on my shoulder. I was tiny. I was, when I had my daughter, my oldest daughter, I left the hospital 96 pounds. So I was 5 foot 2 and a half inches, 96 pounds with a brand new little tiny baby. So I was tiny. Wow. And I would just walk in and be like, what's up? Like, let's go. Like, there was no grace about me. There was no empathy about me. There was no charisma about me. I would just walk in.

Which is like totally opposite than you now. I would describe you as empathetic. Yeah. Charismatic. Confident, like kind. That's totally opposite.

I had a lot of people that were very kind in saying, Steph, why don't you try this? Or, hey, why don't you maybe look at it this way? Let's change your— I remember the first time I ever heard this, I was living in Hawaii, and I remember somebody walking over to me and saying, I'd really like to change your perspective. And I was like, perspective, perspective. What does that mean? Really? Really? I just didn't know. And he, and he was nice enough, but he let me know very quickly that the level of people that I wanted to play with would not accept my behavior. And I was, I was young. I was 18, 19 years old, but it, it worked. And then I started—

How did he shift your perspective like that though? What did he say or do?

He basically told me that I essentially wa— I come in as a Tasmanian devil.

Mm-hmm.

And he said, I know it's not what you wanna do. Your personality is not that. I understand why you're doing it. But you don't need to come in that quickly. You're emotionally exhausting yourself. Mm-hmm. And I was like, what's emotional exhaustion? Like, I just didn't even know what he was— I mean, Amberly, I didn't know what he was saying. I was like, I'm not tired. I feel fine. Like I'm totally, and I'm good. And then he would go, okay, listen to me. And then he would basically say, I could have walked in and said this, this, and this, but instead I bursted in. I blurted out. I didn't ask anybody where their perspective was. And the only reason they gave me what I wanted was because they wanted me to leave.

Wow.

And so I was like, oh, oh. And in my head I was like, I was just trying to get to the beach. I had rent to pay. Like, my agenda was totally— I didn't really care what they thought. I knew what I needed to do to get my stuff done. That was it. And he was like, if you would have said this, this, and this, pause. And I remember doing it 2 or 3 days later. I remember I put makeup on. I remember I was very uncomfortable in my suit at 19 years old. I was applying for a job and I did exactly what he said he would. Exactly. I walked out with a job in 14 minutes.

Wow.

And I remember walking out and I was like, okay, I did 3 sentences. Now I need to do 8 sentences. How do I grow that? How do I grow the conversation? How do I grow the method of being able to communicate and actually care? The whole problem was me. I didn't care because I was so busy trying to survive.

Mm-hmm.

I couldn't care about anybody else cuz I was just trying to survive. Well, if I would've changed my perspective a bit and gone, what is survival? What does survival mean? You need others, you need love, you need physicality.

Mm-hmm.

You need emotion. Mm-hmm. You need touch. You need to cry. You need humility. Like there's all of these things that I didn't even. I was like, these are words I've never even thought about. So I didn't really build my confidence in a manner without, with a, like a school manner, you know, like go to this class and then you're gonna learn confidence. A lot of people just kind of jumped in and said, Steph, we really think that you're, you're a really good person, but you're not, you're not giving your own message. You're, you're hard and you're a wall, and I don't feel like that's how you wanna be. Am I wrong?

Hmm. So they asked you questions too?

Oh, really? Yeah.

So when I was younger, for years I didn't cry. So my stepdad would try to get me, push me, push me, push me till I'd cry. And then I would cry and he'd laugh at me and say, I knew I could get you to cry. See, I broke you. So for years I didn't cry. Like, I did not cry. There were never tears. And it was the first time I cried in I don't know, maybe 10 years. I had missed my flight. I had all these bags and I had my oldest daughter with me and I dropped everything and I just started crying. And she goes, Mommy, you know how to cry? And it was like, oh, wow. It was the first time I had cried.

Yeah.

Did you have moments where you felt like you had stuffed it down and not felt emotions or maybe didn't cry?

Yeah, I think I've— I go through periods of that. I feel like I'm really in touch with my emotions, so I feel like I catch it now. Like, I feel like I go, okay, am I hurt? Am I scared? Am I angry? Like, what's going on for me? And then I handle it. Like, I'm like, I feel like I need to take a step back. Um, I feel like I need to redirect. I need to pivot. And I'm really good at that. It's one of my superpowers. I'm really good at that. Until I'm not. So we were in Europe this summer and everything that could have gone wrong literally went wrong. And I was like, okay, everybody, everybody just be positive. Like, how many people get to go to Europe? How many people get to be together? How many people? And they were like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm telling you, lost luggage, never got it back.

Are you serious?

Canceled flights, son stranded in another country for 3 days, all hotels booked. I mean, oh, thing after thing after thing. And, and when you, when I'm repeating it back, I sound like a giant baby, but like, my son is in another country. Like, he's never been in another country alone and he's 21 years old. Like, this is crazy. No money.

He's probably having the time of his life though.

Well, he would've until he told me that he forgot his credit card at home, which is a whole other—

Oh my goodness.

I'm like, what? So, so I went through all of these things. The last step was we were sending the, and this is so small, okay? We were sending bags home because we were jumping on small airlines. So I, I decided to send some larger bags home. The fiasco that it took to get the bags, to get DHL, to repack the bags, to make sure you have a packing list of everything that's in the bag, because if you don't, then customs won't take the bag. And then having them get them off and gone, and then having them send the bags back. They sent the bags back and they said something that was in the bag. And nothing was in the bag that they said was in the bag. It was so stressful. And then we left for Italy and they sent the bags back to Portugal.

Oh my goodness.

To an Airbnb. So 3 bags, pretty much giant bags because we've been traveling for 2 or 3 months and they were sitting outside at an Airbnb. It doesn't sound big, but the stress of being exhausted, being physically tired, mm-hmm, trying to manage the kids, trying to manage the work, having everything happen, bags get ripped open, bags get stolen. Flights get canceled, everything else.

I burst into tears and my entire family was like, whoa, she handles some big stuff.

And, and that floored her.

Yeah. Yeah.

They were like, um, you just settled a $500 million case. Like, really bags.

Oh gosh.

Everybody's got their thing.

Yes.

And for mine, it, my, my family, when they are suffering or they are scared or they are nervous, everything else I've got, like, I've got that. I know it's your family and I'm respectful and I'm kind and I'm honest and I'm honorable. But the bags, they sent me over.

Yeah.

Because I was so upset.

I mean, I get it. Because so when we first moved into our rental house, my husband was like, made sure he got us the most beautiful house in the nicest area. I mean, it's gorgeous. And he got me all set up and I'm like, did you check the internet? There was no fiber internet for 2 weeks. I was losing internet. And he's like, well, so just jump back on when you lose. I said, honey, people are paying me a lot of money to be a presenter for thousands of people for this event. They're not going to get it if I am just, oh, sorry, internet's not working. Be back. After 2 weeks, and thank goodness I had a good team that could get already prerecorded podcasts and stuff out. I went to my dad's house, who has better internet. He lives like an hour away, and he, bless his heart, let me use his internet at his house. I had a full-on meltdown. I mean, I understood why people wanted to throw computers out windows. Like, it was that bad.

And it's internet. It's so stupid. It's so stupid.

And my husband comes in and he's like, oh my God. He was like, I have never seen you like— because I'm one that can keep my cool.

Totally. I don't unglue. I do not.

I'm like, I can keep my cool. And he goes, we've been through some serious shit and I've never seen you like this. And it was just like, because I was like, I— he's like, well, we moved here for the school. And I said, honey, internet trumps the school. I can't pay for this house if we don't have internet. Like, I need internet. And I went into that, like, survival mode of—

That's exactly it.

I gotta be like the— like you said, the tiger's chasing me. Like, I got, you know, and so I was—

And you don't even think clearly. Like, you're not even processing properly. Like, it was bags, Amberly. It was bags. Okay. But like the—

But your son is in a different country.

Thank you. And I'm like, and he's in another country and then doesn't tell me for like a day that he doesn't have a freaking credit card. And I'm like, oh my God, what are you eating? Like, what do you— and then I'm, I just spun out and I'm like, bags were, I, I went into survival mode. I was like, I know it sounds insane and I know it's bad and I know all of these different things, but when somebody feels unsafe or when somebody doesn't feel protected, I take my job very, very, very seriously. And when I show up to serve others and I can't serve others, so I understand that internet thing. So well, I've done it on podcasts where I'm dropping huge guests, and you're like, "Oh my God!" Yeah, and you're like literally going, "How? How? We're not in a third world country. We're not in a third world. How's this happening?" And and it's and it's a little bit embarrassing recap recapping it and going, really, I lost my crap. I spoke harshly to people because of internet. Like that's not very nice.

Yeah.

Or my kids are literally like, "Mom, it's a bag. Like it's okay." And I was like. It's not the bag, it's the inefficiency and the money and the, the time it cost.

And the time, the time I was away from you. The time.

Right. They were all at the beach and I'm running back and forth from DHL. I'm lugging up bags. I'm lugging up giant bags up huge stairs. I'm opening 'em back up, refitting 'em in, repacking 'em in. I lost 2 or 3 days with the kids for bags. I don't get that.

So I think that's what it was really. Yeah, it was.

That's exactly what it was. But to see me burst into tears, they're literally just seeing them. They were like, uh, and then of course, you're working too hard. Yeah.

You're this, you're that.

I was like, no, this all had to do with you. I just miss you guys and I want to not take this time for granted. That's all.

Yeah. And I think it's good that kids can see that we, we have hard times too. Yeah. And that we process our emotions and how we do it. And, and I love, you are such an incredible mom. Just interviews that I've heard. you on and how you talk about your kids. And there was one interview I was listening to you and you had said that one of your kids, or maybe 2, has ADD or ADHD. And you have figured out, you were like, I know when he's bouncing a ball that he's going to be able to talk to me and understand. And I thought, wow, that's how I am. I need to be doing something.

Yeah.

And my, my daughter has a teacher that let her take slime to school. No other kid could take slime, but she had slime and she was a better listener and did better in school because she had something to— she has— she loves to create.

Yeah.

And I notice when she is— maybe she's never said I'm anxious, but when I can tell that something's going on, when she starts to create, either bake or make slime or go and run, and my husband will be like, She'll go, I need to go run. And I'm like, honey, no, I understand. She needs to run. Like, that's going to help her process her emotions.

Right.

So how do you have patience as a mom? I know that your kids are just like your everything, but how do you figure out the best ways to handle when they need things? And maybe it's like you have a lot on your plate and And just how to communicate with them and how to have patience with them, basically. How do you manage that as a mom?

So my youngest one is probably the most difficult for me. He is an absolute— he's brilliant. Okay, so he likes to poke the bear a lot. He loves it. He loves when I'm— his goal is to make me yell. And I'm like, what? For what? For what reason? Why is it? And he thinks it's funny. He's just like— I'm like, it's not funny. And it doesn't—

Sounds like my daughter.

And it just doesn't really get you to your end result because if I yell, I take your video games. So like, let's have a better relationship.

Yeah.

He is insanely, insanely brilliant. He's sweet, he's funny, he's handsome, he's amazing, but he's constantly moving. He is constantly moving.

I get that. That's how I was. That's how my daughter is.

Yeah.

And I used to get in trouble for it.

Yeah, he does get in trouble for it a lot.

Drives— does it drive you crazy?

It does. But the thing that really frustrates me Uh, really kind of, um, I think rattles me or shakes me is he loves to bounce a ball when we talk and, and, or, or he'll clap and, and he loves to do it and he focuses, but I'm a mess.

I'm a go.

So he's bouncing the ball and bouncing the ball and I'm trying to like run like, uh, multiplication tables to him or like, you know, give him like, uh, like, um, word problems and he's bouncing the ball. So for me it's very like, because I'm trying to get him to pay attention.

Yeah.

But that's how he pays attention.

Mm-hmm.

Um, with him, his school has been amazing. Um, with both of my boys, Velcro under the desk to let them—

Really?

Yeah. To let them feel like something under the desk, a ball underneath their foot, rolling a ball back and forth.

Really?

Yeah. So it's, they've been great about those type of things.

That's amazing. I didn't ever think about that.

Yeah. Yeah. So there's a, wow.

There's a whole, that really makes sense.

Yeah. There's a whole process with that. And, and I'm thankful to Devin. She's my oldest. She has inattentive ADD, which is not even a thing anymore.

How did you, they get diagnosed with ADD or ADHD?

So my oldest one was in school in 2nd grade. I will never forget this as long as I live. The second she would get, she, Amberly, she would get paper like this, like a homework paper, and it would have 5 problems and she would be hysterical. She would do anything. She would do anything to get out of it. She'd bend her back. No, I'm sick. Oh God, I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up. And I'm like, oh my God, you're 6. Like, really? I'm gonna do this for 12 more years. This is a thing.

Yeah.

It was crazy. No matter what the homework was, I'd be like, honey, what's 7 plus 2? And she's like, 9, write it, Mom. Like, she just would not connect. And so we were living in Arizona, we were in Scottsdale, and I got this phone call from the, from her teacher, Carrie Bechtel. I'll never forget this as long as I live. And, and she's like, like, uh, hi, Stephanie. And I'm young, Amberly. I'm— so Devin was probably— so she was 7, so I was 28, 29. Like, I was young.

Yeah.

Um, she goes, do you— can you come in today? I want to talk to you about something.

Yeah.

And I was like, sure. And so I go in to see her darling young teacher, just darling. And she's like— I, I go, hi, how are you? How's everything? And she's like, fine. She's like, can you come over and can you sit down and have— and And I was like, okay. And I'm like, man, she must have really done something bad. Like, how does a 7-year-old do this? And she is visibly moving in her chair back and forth, back and forth. And I'm like, Carrie, what is wrong? And she goes, I think Devin has a learning disorder.

Hmm.

And I'm like, I jumped up and I kissed her and I was like, really? And she said, well, yes. She goes, I've never had a parent act like that. And I'm like, no, this would explain so much. She's so resistant. To anything with paper or notes or reading or she will not do it. And she goes, I, and she started naming all of these terms. She's like, when she looks at the board to write a simple problem, it takes her 5 minutes and she's looking at the board while she's doing it. Like she's actually copying the board. And she goes, this means like, you know, inefficient processing. And when I talk, she tunes out auditory processing issues. But when I hand her something that's not a paper, she really understands what to do with it. And I'll say, do 7 times 2 with beans, and she's got it. And she's like, so she's a kinesthetic learner. Now I don't know anything that she's talking about. And I'm like, this sounds great. Awesome. I mean, I have no clue. We go take her to get her tested and she has auditory processing issues. She has dyscalculia, which means she doesn't line up formulas for math, that her stuff doesn't line up. So. Math was always hard. She has dyslexia. She has inattentive ADD, which means her brain, when it gets too hard, closes. So she gets really tired, opposed to the hyper, the ADHD. She would be watching a movie and she's concentrating like this, and she's looking at it really harshly. It's Disney Channel. Like, it's something. But the processing was so low.

Oh my gosh. I am just like, so I was sent to the special needs class when I was little. And I think that I've never been diagnosed, but I was put in the special needs class and then I still didn't quite fit in there. And they're like, we don't know what to do with her. Yeah. Then they tested me in 8th grade for talented and gifted and they're like, oh, she's really smart. She needs to be in the gifted class.

Yeah.

And I excelled and I became, you know, But I'm still— things that you're saying make sense. I'm like, maybe I should get tested. Maybe that's wrong. That's what's wrong with me. I mean, when I say that, because there are certain things, like when you said watch a Disney movie and to get tired and your brain shuts off.

Yeah.

My family knows that I'm probably the only person that I don't like going to movies. I will fall asleep. sleep. I also don't like to go to the mall because I get overstimulated.

That's exactly how she is.

Really?

The only thing that she loved was the barn. That was it.

And that is where— that's where we go to the barn. That's where I can feel peace. Or when I'm in nature. But at the barn, right? Being around our horse.

Yep.

I'm sure your daughter and I would be best friends.

She just— she loved the movement of the horse, it really settled her body. It really calmed her body. It calmed her neurotransmitters down a lot. And I, I remember, like, I remember going, like, when the lady was giving me the recommendations, I'm like, I'm 27, 28 years old. Like, I, I'm so young. And she's like, have you ever thought about riding? And I was like, you mean the most expensive sport in, like, the entire— like, absolutely.

Why don't I get her—

let me get her a team of horses. And she was like, no, no, no, there's places that you can actually—

Equine therapy, right?

And it wasn't even a thing then. There was like people that were kind of, but it was mostly focused on autism.

Yes. And you know what? At our barn, there's a whole barn. There's 4 sides of the barn. One whole barn is for children. It's a whole therapy session center. Children with autism, ADHD.

I mean, everything.

Everything. Uh, uh, kids in wheelchairs.

Yeah.

Everything.

It's, I mean, it is.

And then me.

And then That's good. I mean, you know what, I'm, I'm, people just don't know. I, now part of my job, one of, one of the most amazing things about my job is I can walk in and I can look at an executive and, you know, we have all these performance issues. We have, you know, whatever the performance issues are, you know, where are we on revenue? Where are we on goals? How do we attract good talent? How do we put together, you know, amazing perks? How do we do this? Okay. What does it look like? And this is before any of the crisis.

Yeah.

This is just coaching. What type of leader do you wanna be? How do you wanna show up? How do you wanna be a standout?

Mm-hmm.

How do, how do you get your team to stay? How do you grow your team? You're telling me your ideas, but have you talked to your team? Like, what are, what's important to them? Yeah. It's so interesting within, and, and again, you know, I'm not arrogant at all. Within an hour, I'm like, oh, I understand you have ADD. Or, oh, you know what?

You— A lot of leaders have ADD.

May, but, but, and that's great. It's amazing. But what happens is they don't have the support.

To manage it.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

So they feel less. I, I just did an executive transformation. I just did a huge executive transformation test, uh, with, with a psychiatrist that we use.

Mm-hmm.

We use somebody who does an executive function test. This person runs a public company. He is the CEO of a public company, and he, his IQ, his IQ is that level that would require services if he was in college.

Really?

And he was literally almost in tears. And I was like, no, this is great. Now I know how to set up your email. Now I know how to get your calendar going. Now I know who to hire for your support. Now I know the things that drain your brain. I know the things that light you up. I know the things that suck you dry. I know when you perform well. Is it morning? Is it afternoon? Is it evening? And when you align all of these things and you see that light, you see that light go off in their eye going, how have I been to so many different places and nobody has ever been able to figure that out? It, when you see them have energy and they don't feel stupid, they don't feel like they're hiding anymore. They don't feel embarrassed. Mm-hmm. They don't feel any of these things. Like we're not going out and announcing so-and-so has an IQ of this. We're not saying any of those things. We're saying, okay, now I know what to do.

Mm-hmm.

Or, or they have, or conversely, Amberly, they have incredibly high IQ and they have zero EQ.

No EQ.

Like zero. Like, you know, I, I have CEOs, I have presidents, I have private equity, and they walk in and they say the dumbest things and they don't stop for a second to take a look at how every single person responded to what they just said.

Mm-hmm.

They just sit down and start the meeting.

It's very interesting, isn't it?

And no one's listening because they're still processing what he said. So the first 20 minutes are dead.

And then do you think it's easier to work with somebody who has and get them with the low IQ and help them? Or is it easier with someone with the low EQ?

I don't think it's just different. I think it's just different.

Just different.

It's not easier or harder. It's different. It's a different toolset. It's a different skill set. I would say the people with a higher IQ are less willing to receive the type of help that I recommend.

Mm-hmm.

It does come full circle. They always do. But it's always a fight. It's always an argument where the, where the really high EQ and the lower IQ, they will take any help. They're just like, oh my God, thank you so much. Can my wife call you? Or can my husband call you? Or, oh my God, can my kids call you? Like, it's just such a, a relief. You just see the air. It's like a balloon that's gotten a little bit deflated and able to like actually move, have movement in it again.

Yeah. Well, it's like you get that, you know, I think acceptance. And awareness is the first part of any kind of transformation.

Right.

And you've been able to transform businesses and you are a leader. I feel like we need more leaders like you. How do you teach someone about how to become a good leader? What are some things that you would say, become a better leader, you do these things?

Yeah. I don't ever tell them what to do. I say, how do you feel you are as a leader? And they all tell me they're amazing.

Really?

Oh, every one of them.

See, I say I want to get better.

No, but that's why you're a good leader. That does not happen. Really?

No.

Are you kidding? I was on a discovery call yesterday where the guy told me in 15 minutes, 11 times that he was an amazing leader. So I said, why are you calling me? I'm like, really? Why are you on the phone with me if you're such an incredible leader? Yeah.

I even tell people when I first start, when they first come on my team, I've got somebody new on the team. I'm like, look, I really want to be a great team and a good leader for you. So I need you to talk with me and tell me when I mess up and tell me, brainstorm with me. Tell me what you think I could do better.

My team will tell you how many times a week do I come in and go, man, I really blew that. I totally messed up, you guys, please. Please tell me, like, don't let me go down this road. If somebody, like, I don't know digital media, okay? And we're doing all these different promotions and all these different things to, to get better speaking engagements. And so I've, we've hired a couple people and, and I'm like, I blew something really bad. Why didn't you just tell me? And they're like, oh. And I was like, no, you guys, we're a team.

If you— Like, what was it that you blew?

I was supposed to post something that I didn't post properly. It was supposed to have like, I don't know.

Was it for social media? For Instagram?

For Instagram? Yeah.

Well, you know what? It's like you rock LinkedIn. Y'all got to check her out on LinkedIn. Seriously. Holy cow. You are a freaking rock star. And you know LinkedIn, you know how it works. You know how to post, you know what picture, you know how to write the caption. LinkedIn is totally different from Instagram. I know how to do Instagram, kind of.

Right.

And so that's easy for me just because that's my main hub. That's where I am. So I see sometimes when other people have wanted me to collaborate on things and I'm like, dude, I would never— I can't add that to— because look at the COVID shot. Like, it's— I'm not going to put that on my main page.

Right.

But the only way you learn is by trying and doing things. But yes, you need your team to like—

I just needed them to tell me, like, I was supposed to add a hashtag. I was traveling. We were trying to do things on the fly and they didn't tell me and I did it wrong. Apparently you're not supposed to take it down because then it disrupts the algorithm. And then there's like a thing. And I was like, I didn't know. So I took it down because I didn't want to disappoint them. And I messed up the algorithm for 3 weeks.

Oh, gosh. You know, I just never know now. It's like, who knows with the algorithm? That's why, you know, just coming here today and they're like, Amberly, did you see your video was 1.3 million? And I'm like, what? They're like, oh, yeah, there's some hate on there. And I'm like, And you're like, don't read that before you interview me. And you said, oh, I'm really good at that. You want me to answer it? How do you deal with haters? If you have it, you have it. I do. Oh, for sure.

Who?

Are you just kidding? I'll deal with them.

Here, you have no idea when, you know, when I did, you know the story that I did where I told about my whole life on Instagram? I'm sorry, on LinkedIn. Yeah. I was like, my mom did this and I did this. Yeah. I mean, that was hard.

Quickly, the thing that got like how many thousands of likes on that one post? Y'all got to check out that post.

It was— I can't remember if it was 5 million or 10 million impressions. They were back to back. This, this little girl is me got like 5 million and then the next one got 10 million or vice versa. Okay. But like—

On LinkedIn, that is, that's like making national news.

Yes. Yes. And I didn't, but I didn't know that because I don't do content for that. I do content to really help people and to shake them up and tell them there is hope. Just Keep going. Like, yeah, keep going. And so the idea was not mine to do the post. My daughter came in and said, Mom, you need to do this.

Which— how old is this daughter?

Devin. It's the oldest one. She does— she's our director of creative. Okay.

Oh God, can I hire her?

Yes, you can. Especially right now because I want to kill her. But yes, you can. No, she's, she's phenomenal. She's amazing. She does all of our— she does all of our pictures. She travels with me full-time. She does all of my stuff.

I've tried to pay my daughter to do my TikTok and to do pictures. She used to charge me $20 Per snapshot.

Like, oh yeah, no, she doesn't do that. Okay.

She's aging me saying snapshot for—

Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong, she performs a lot better for other people than she does for me, but she's just really good. She's really, really good at it and she's amazing at it. So she comes in, I'm taking a shower, she walks in, she goes, I have an idea. And I was like, damn, that usually costs me a lot of money. When you say that to me, it's always a horse.

Yeah.

A trip. Like it's, it's something that's gonna cost a lot of money. Yeah. So I get out and she's like, I think that you should tell your story. And I was like, can we stop talking about my story? Like I'm 757 years old. Like why are we still talking about my story? And so she outlined it for me and she said, go. And I was like, okay. So I just like, when I was 3, my dad, my father drowned. When I was 4, blah, blah, blah. When I was 5, blah, blah, blah. 7 to— I just kept going. And, and she put it together and handed it to me. It, it was a little different to look at it like that. Like I did have a different feeling. I, I didn't feel sorry for myself, but I was like, Dang, I went through a lot.

I read that and I was like, dang, it is just like, and this and this and this and this. And I got goosebumps just thinking about it because you went through so much, yet still here you are.

Right, right. And so that was the first time looking at it. And then I was like, can you give me a minute? Because I just want to— just give me a minute. I'm thinking about people and what they're going to say, and I don't want to make it— the one thing with me, Amberly, everybody always— I don't like to talk about my story because there's so many people who have it worse. There are so many people. I just interviewed somebody who saw both of his parents get shot. Okay? Like, there's so many people who have it worse. So, like, let's get on with things. Like—

But we all go through things, right? It's what you do with, you know, it's not your circumstance. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so Devin said, Mom, just look at it. And so I did. And then a couple of days later, I was like, okay, go ahead and post it. And she was like, are you sure? And I was like, yeah. So I, I was traveling. Like, she posted it, I was traveling, and then it was like 30 phone calls an hour going, hey, can we interview you here? Hey, can we interview you there? And, and I, I wasn't— I honestly, truthfully, I wasn't prepared. I wasn't really— I wasn't ready. I was like, how come trauma and negativity attract so many people? How come turning a business around and not having To have a whole family live on the street? Or how come all the pivots that we did through COVID where people actually, you know, created businesses that were lucrative and actually got away from their jobs and they were able to do— how come none of that made news? How come this made news? And I got frustrated. I was super annoyed. I was like, I'm appreciative of it.

I understand that though, because a lot of people, they always want to know about my motorcycle accident.

Yeah.

And I'm like, but that was the easy part compared to What I had to deal with, with chronic pain every day and what I chose to do with drugs.

Yes.

You know what I mean? Yes. So I get that. I get it.

So I was just like, okay, you know, I'm happy to talk about it. But when I started, I came back into the office and like, I, I could see my team was like really frustrated at like different areas very differently. I was like, what is going on? And I guess there was a lot of really negative comments. Really? Like what?

Yeah.

Like, you know, this story's BS. Sign up for the next motion picture. Nobody could go through that. Um, and then like the next one going, LOL, Netflix, like, here I come.

Are you serious?

Oh, it was bad. It was bad. And, and it's so funny, I wasn't even angry. I felt so sad for them. I was like, wow, you really think somebody going out and taking their vulnerability, which is really hard to do, and putting it all over the internet, and that's your response? Like that makes me really sad for you. Mm-hmm. So I wasn't even upset. It's happened a couple other times. It just happened recently. I told you last week somebody reached out to me, they DM'd me and said, I put a post together about how, what a nightmare vacation we had over summer, calling my kids out. And, um, it was my first post in like maybe a month or two. And somebody DM'd me and said, wow, it looks like you've gained a lot of weight on your vacation. By the way, we have these really great digital media services that we're willing to offer you for this amount of money. Let me know if you want to chat.

You're like, oh thanks. I was like, I will never work with you.

You know, you know what I mean? But I'm like, so I'm like literally like, how did you put those two? So for me, I'm always, because I'm a behavioralist, because I actually think about people's behavior, I'm like, how did you sit down to write that?

Yeah.

Like, were you gonna start with my weight or end with my weight? Were you gonna start with your services? Hi, how are you? Did you have fun in Portugal? Did you have fun in Italy? You know, how's everything going for you? We haven't caught up. I, I don't know. this person.

Yeah.

I don't have any idea who it is. I was like, what is going on for me? What is going on for you that you would ever, ever, ever write something like that to a woman and then to a woman that you're gonna sell services to?

Yeah.

Or that you're hoping to do that? What is wrong in your head? And, but it happens all the time. So I just try and be very gracious. I try really hard to just go, everybody's going through so much right now. I don't know what's going on in that person's life. Maybe it's really bad. Maybe they just feel angry and they want to lash out.

I think a lot of times it does. It's a reflection of maybe what they're not doing or what they don't have or the pain that they might have. I mean, I had for the first time ever haters that came out of the woodwork when I was on the doctor's TV and they edited part of it to where people didn't know that I tried all these different treatments. And they just said that they edited it to where I was like, you just use your mindset to get through pain. Oh, no. And people were just like, This girl doesn't have CRPS. You can't use your mind to get through CRPS. And I'm like, that's not exactly what I've tried for this or what I even do. It's not just that.

Yeah.

And then just thinking that there's this little part of me that knows that right now there's some TikTok video out there where there's haters on there and they get some small little portion of me talking about not wanting to be in a wheelchair. They have no idea that I grew up with my little brother in a wheelchair his whole life.

Yeah.

That I have nothing against wheelchairs. And I am grateful that I had one for a while and still have one in my garage. But that's just not what I want to do. I want to walk. But people don't understand that. So the haters come out. So I think it's great that you have that compassion and you give them grace.

Oh yeah. I mean, there's a— we had one a few weeks ago saying, it must be nice to grow up with a silver spoon in your mouth.

And you're like, you have no idea.

I just responded back and I said, LOL, maybe you should continue reading. Like, go back. Like, I mean, silver spoon? Like, I used a popsicle stick. Like, you have no idea. What are you talking about?

Yeah, well, I— it's interesting. I've actually walked into people that maybe did grow up with silver spoons in their mouth. I don't know. I'm not going to place any judgment, but very nice, very beautiful women, very wealthy, fancy cars. I pull up in my truck and they looked me up and down.

Yeah.

Like gave me this look and did not like me. And then they saw the scars on my leg. They looked a little and it's like, oh, Okay, I guess I accept you because it's weird. It's hard to explain, but it was almost like I wouldn't understand because I've had it so easy. And then they're like, oh, well, I guess she has been through some stuff. I don't know. It's very bizarre.

But why are we attracted to trauma?

I don't get it. I don't understand. Why can't you just be you?

Why can't you just be you from here up? And look how beautiful you are and look how gracious you are. And look how kind you are. You're so smart, Amberly. You help so many people. You motivate so many people. Thank you.

Don't cry.

It'll mess up your makeup. Um, but I'm, I'm just saying like, why, why do, why do I have to find your leg? Why do I have to know someone died? Why do I have to know you were sexually assaulted? Why do I have to know that to connect with you? Yeah. Why can't I just know you? And that can be a piece of your story. Mm-hmm. A part of your story. Mm-hmm. Something that maybe got you to where you are. You've gone through bad relationships and now you have an amazing husband. Your kids aren't always perfect and you say it like you are so like, yeah, this wasn't great. Or this was, you know, hey, we're doing better. We're all trying to learn. Why do you have to have the negativity? Why do people want the trauma?

I don't know. Why is that?

And it, it's so frustrating. It's like, how come this post gets 5 million likes when I, or views or whatever it is? And then when I go, hey, these 3 businesses didn't lose their home, their children were able to stay in the same, They went from no revenue to a PPP loan to having $2.6 million. 36 likes.

Mm-hmm.

Like, why is it jealousy? Can you, can you get on board easier with somebody who's going through something and go, oh wow, I feel empathy for them? Why, why are we always so down on other people's successes? Why can't we just look at them and go, that is absolutely amazing that you were able to do that. Don't get me wrong, there are people in our industry, you know them, That are absolute jerks. Okay? Mm-hmm. They are absolute jerks. And they are the people that don't return calls and they will not come on the podcast and they will not share their story. And if they do, they're, they're selling something and that's what they wanna do. They wanna get something out for revenue.

Mm-hmm.

Okay. We have those. We have those. Why is it so easy to people connect with people that are crying or hurt or in pain opposed to somebody who's winning?

Hmm. I don't know. And I just think that there is, when you have a mindset of abundance, I've had people tell me, wow, you really do open up your playbook. Like in my mastermind, you really do share it with everything. And I had somebody else say, well, we want to share our program, but we're not sure that all the women, they, I don't know if they like me. I don't know if they would want to work with me. I said, look, My mastermind is about collaboration. I said everybody in the group is about collaboration, not competition.

Right.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

And when I see, especially a woman, I have to say, because, you know, in my— in speaking, I speak at so many events where I'm the only female. When I see another woman got booked for a gig, I'm like, yes. I was like, and then it also, if you look at it as, well, then if she did it, I can do it too.

Right?

Right. You know, when I look at it as inspiration, right? I'm not going to sit here and lie and say, oh, there are some times I'm like, dang, I wish I would have got that, you know?

And that, you know, we were just talking. I was— I spent the time with Amelia Antonetti, who I want you to meet. You'll love her. She's phenomenal. And we have— we were just talking about that. We were like, I want everybody to win.

I truly do.

I want to. But it does sting.

It does sting a little bit. It does sting. And I'm like, okay, how can I get better? How can I improve? What am I doing wrong? That's what I go to.

That's exactly right. And, and, and why? And then I, I watch it and I study it. I'm like, wow, they're really, really good. Am I not that good? And then I'll go back and I'll watch a video and I'm always trying to improve, do better, talk to more people, collaborate.

Yeah.

I only wanna collaborate.

Collaborate.

I only wanna collaborate. I say this all the time, surround yourself with giant people. Okay. Giant meaning mentality, personality, mindset. Okay. And you become giant. Surround yourself with toxic people and you become toxic. And I say it all the time. So I don't want to become toxic. I don't want that. But I also, too, I want to win as well, and I want to push other people up, and I want them to do really well. But I always want to be growing and learning. Always.

Me too. Me too. I think that's why we get along so well. Well, I want to know, I could talk to you all day. I love you so much. I want people to be able to work with you. Do you work with— can people only work with you if you are a big company, or can people— do you have coaching programs where they can work with you one-on-one if they are in a crisis and need help? Truly need help. They're like, help me. What am I going to do? I know you have You have brought a team of lawyers on to help dissolve or resolve or totally transform a whole situation. How do people start to work with you?

So on our website, so it's stephanie-mallick.com and my name spelled differently. I'm sure you'll add it in the show notes.

Yeah, it's all in the show notes and all your LinkedIn, Instagram, all of that will be in the show notes. So it'll be easy for people to find.

Yeah, that's great. So on my website, If it's an emergency, which these situations in crisis are generally an emergency, you go into the intake form and you say urgent, and somebody will call you back within 2 hours. No matter what it is, it's a direct DM. You can DM my Instagram, you can DM my Facebook. Generally, it's usually LinkedIn DM and Instagram DM. But again, the website is the intake form. What is going on? Is there a pending matter? What has happened? And then they reach somebody on our team immediately. For coaching, I'm actually starting a group coaching class.

You are? Awesome. Because I think that we need more. You started talking about culture before that, company culture before it was a thing.

Right.

And leadership skills before it was a big thing, I feel like. And so I am so excited to hear you're going to be doing coaching. Tell me about that.

Yeah. So I'm going to find a couple coaches. To like really like-minded who have their genius in one or two things. And I'm gonna collaborate. We're gonna do a whole collaboration and then we're gonna do a mastermind at the end. It's gonna be an 8-week course and we're putting it together right now. We're gonna start it in January and it's going to be for women that truly, truly want to lead. They wanna have amazing executive presence. They wanna have really, really good insight into how to get promoted, If that's what they wanna do. They want to, they, how did they make their product for entrepreneur, their product or their service different? How do you stand out? What are the key differentiators?

Yeah.

And you go down this list of whenever you're done, you are literally ready to launch or you're ready to grow. This is not a program where you just kind of sit dead silent and you're like, yeah, that was fun and I learned a lot of things. That is grow, grow, grow. Um, and then I'm gonna invite 5 to a mastermind. that are gonna be kind of getting to the next level. I really thrive at building million-dollar businesses. So a lot of my coaching techniques where you see me coaching the large companies, Mm-hmm. I'm not so much coaching the large companies, I'm coaching the executives, I'm coaching the C-suite to be able to attract, attain, develop, um, and, and really grow amazing talent. What does that mean? That means autonomy. That means personal development. Mm-hmm. That means perks that matter to your actual workforce, to your talent. I just did an interview a few weeks ago and there was a, a company that we worked with and they offered unlimited vacation, but most of their workforce is 45 to 55-year-old people. They don't even know what that means.

Yeah.

They're like, unlimited vacation. That seems unethical. That seems like I would be stealing from the company. That seems like I have way too much work. How would I ever use that? That works with millennials, that works with different kinds of mentality and mindset. And so we're partnering with a couple really amazing coaches and the program's probably going to launch January 15th.

Oh, that's amazing. So we'll make sure to put that in the show notes. And then the mastermind part of it, you're picking 5 people from the group?

5 people from the group.

Yes. And where will they be? Where will they go?

It's going to be an undisclosed location. that is unbelievably private and it's going to be an entire experience.

Wow.

So it's going to be very, very, very—

You and I think so much alike. So, you know, I mean, that sounds amazing as you're telling me, like, I want to do that.

Yeah.

Hang out with you.

That would be so fun. We should.

We should do it.

We should.

Well, it's so funny. So we are in the middle of moving right now. So we bought this house and it's really pretty. Everything's downstairs. No internet.

No internet. But it's really pretty.

I made sure there's internet.

You're like, this is your silent retreat.

Come here. Well, the whole upstairs is like this huge room with a kitchen area and its own bathroom and a balcony and a media. And I walk upstairs and my first thought is, this is a mastermind location. Like right here, this whole upstairs. And my husband keeps saying, well, you know, the whole upstairs is going to be Ruby's. I'm like, Oh, uh-uh. That's mine. I was like, I'm looking at how I'm going to set it up. Like, that's how my mind thinks. Yeah. So when you said 5 people, I'm like, where's she going to go?

Because I'm—

yeah. Okay. So you'll give me the link for that to put?

Oh, absolutely.

Or can they find it on your website?

They're going to find it on our website as soon as we're done. We're getting all the last-minute commits of where this is going to be and how is it going to be and who are we going to invite? Who can we serve? Because now men, Primarily, I am like 70% men, 30% women, and women are so underserved. But, but here's the thing.

Oh, my mastermind's for women.

Here's the thing. So men tend to take massive action where women think about it a little bit more. They're like, how do I feel? What's gonna go on? Who's this investment going to affect? Who, like, and so they start going through this process and, and so we have not figured out a way to serve them in a way where they feel comfortable with taking massive action.

Mm-hmm.

Our men, we're like, this is what you're gonna do. This is what you're gonna get. This is what's gonna happen. And they're like, in now, let's go.

Yeah.

Women are a lot more thoughtful. They're a lot more introspective. If I do this—

See, I'm not. I'm like, I'm in. I'm in. Yeah. I'm like, I'm in. Yeah.

And I'll figure it out later. Yeah. I'll figure it out later. But I am doing this right. So I need about 50 people like that. Let me know what you got.

Yeah.

Seriously.

Yeah. We will talk after this. So you guys, that sounds good. You can find all her links.

Thanks for having me.

Thanks for joining us. Thanks for sharing your insights and your wisdom and your tips and tricks in the show. And you know what? Take a snapshot if you're watching this on YouTube or if you're listening on your favorite podcast platform, take a snapshot and tag me at Amberly Lago Motivation or True Grit and Grace and Stephanie Malick and just give her some love. Reach out, DM her. I just appreciate you tuning into the show and I appreciate you so much sharing your wisdom about so many things from leadership to self-development to businesses to your personal life to your, you know, just being an incredible mom. So anyway, thank you for being here.

Yes. Thank you so much again. It's always so much fun.

Thanks.