The Happiness Set Point: Transforming Your Mindset with Marci Shimoff

Welcome to The Amberly Lago Show, stories of true grit and grace. Thank y'all for tuning in to The Amberly Lago Show. I have a real treat for you today, especially if you are looking for more joy, abundance, fulfillment, and just to be happy for no reason, just to be happy. If you especially especially are ready for some miracles. I have the one and only Marci Shimoff with us today. Y'all, she is a New York Times— number one New York Times bestselling author, a world-renowned transformational teacher and expert on happiness, success, and unconditional love. I want to tell you a little bit about her because she is pure amazingness. Her books include the runaway bestsellers Happy for No Reason, Love for No Reason, and 6 titles in the phenomenally successful Chicken Soup for the Women's Soul series. And y'all, her books have sold more than 16 million copies. She's a podcast host as well as the host of a national PBS television special called Happy for No Reason. And she's featured— she's a featured teacher in The Secret and also the narrator for the award-winning winning film Happy. And the list goes on and on. But I want to get right into the show and dive into her wisdom because she is so amazing. Marci, thank you so much for being on the show.

Thank you for inviting me, Amberly. I'm looking forward to our conversation.

Yes. And a huge shout out to our friend Corey Poirier, who was on the show, who introduced us. I'm so grateful for introductions like this and that I get the chance to share your wisdom with the listeners. And I— Especially because I have a brand new book coming out called Joy Through the Journey. And you talk so much about joy and happiness. And so I want to dive right in. And, and can you share what can people do to bring more joy into their life?

Yeah, I'm happy to. I would love to first kind of share my own journey. Yeah, I think that that gives some flavor as to What where my advice is coming from? You know, I the reason I wrote about happy for no reason and that I teach about happiness is that I was born depressed. I I came out of the womb with existential angst. I was had a great family, a great childhood, but I had this dark cloud around me. I come I now think it was maybe even ancestral trauma that I was carrying. I don't know. But I tried very hard to get happy. My solution as a kid was something called sugar. I became a sugar addict, which didn't help matters any. And by the time I was in high school, I was 35 pounds overweight. And so when I was in my 20s, I decided I was going to set goals for myself. And once I reached those goals, then I'd be happy. I think this is what a lot of people do.

Exactly.

And I had 5 goals. I'll share them with you because I think people can relate to this. I wanted to have a successful career helping people, a fabulous husband or life partner, great friends, a comfortable home, and the equivalent of Halle Berry's body. Now, I got 4 out of the 5.

Just listed everything that most of us— that's right. Yeah, that's right. For—

yeah. And I worked really hard and I got 4 out of the 5. I don't have Halle Berry's body, but I have a healthy body. For which I'm grateful. And I will tell you that I had a turning point moment. It was in 1998, and all those things were working. I had 3 books in the top 5 on the New York Times bestseller list at the same time. And I just finished giving a speech to 8,000 people.

Wow.

And I had autographed 5,432 books. My client hired a massage therapist to keep massaging my hands so I could keep on signing. And on one hand, I felt like an author rock star. But I remember, Amberly, after signing that very last book, that I went up to my hotel room, which was the penthouse suite that my client had gotten for me, and I walked over to these huge windows overlooking Lake Michigan. I was in Chicago, and I took in this big view on top of the world, and I turned around and I collapsed onto the bed and burst into tears.

Wow.

And I burst into tears because I realized that I had everything on that list that I thought I needed to be happy and I still felt that emptiness inside that I had felt as a kid. And I could no longer fool myself into thinking that just that next thing was going to do it. And I realized that's when I made a commitment to myself. I'm going to once and for all figure out how I can be happy. And I dove into the research on happiness. I interviewed all the top happiness researchers, and I interviewed 100 what I call happy people, or unconditionally happy, or happy for no reason. And I started doing what they were doing, and it worked. And I mean, I— it was kind of miraculous to me that I started getting happier and happier and happier from this solid place inside. And I'm still a work in progress, but I would say back then I was— I If I was grading myself, I'd have given myself a D in happiness, almost failing. And now I'm a solid A. As I say, I'm a work in progress, but it's solid. And what I know is that anyone can experience this, this kind of happiness, no matter what circumstances they're in in life. And that, that to me is thrilling, exciting. Oh, that—

well, thank you for sharing that. And I think it's so needed. I mean, I was just on a call this morning. And there was a friend of mine who She's like, I— she is really not, not just not happy, but she is like saying some very dark things about how she doesn't even want to go on living. And it's heartbreaking. And I think there are so many people with what's going on in the world, they're like, they're not happy. But you had all this luminous success and realized, wait a minute, I thought this would all make me happy and I'm not. What are some of the things that you started to gradually incorporate into your life that allowed you to become an A in happiness?

Well, what I found, which was so fascinating to me, is that we all have something called a happiness set point. And it's like a thermostat setting. And no matter what happens to us, whether it's good or bad, we will return to our thermostat setting, our set point, unless we do something to change that. So that's the key to it all because, you know, you can win the lottery and what's been found is people who win the lottery, you think, oh, that's all I need to be happy. Within a year, they've returned to their original happiness set point and the same is true of people who have tragedies. We generally hover around our set point. So the set point is key and the set point is 50% genetic. I wasn't born with the good genes so, uh-oh, what am I going to do about that? It's only 10% your circumstances. And this is what everybody is so busy chasing after to get happy. Let me change my circumstances. It's only 10% of the pie.

Wow.

The other 40% is our habits of thoughts and behavior. And that's where we can really make changes to change our life, our happiness level. And I'm gonna take it a step further and say that that 50% that's genetic, researchers in the field of epigenetics like Dr. Bruce Lipton who wrote The Biology of Belief, they say that even our genes can transform, can change when we change our habits of thoughts and behavior. That means 90% of our happiness set point is our habits of thoughts and behavior. Wow, that is so freeing. That means, and you know, of course we want to take care of the circumstances in our life, but more important than that, we want to focus on these habits that can make us happy. So that's where it was at. It was like, oh, some simple habits. And I will absolutely share with you at least 2 or 3 of those. Is that where you'd like to go?

Yes, I would love for you to share some of those. And, and, you know, before I started writing my book, I had to take a step back and go, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Like, if I'm going to write a book about joy and happiness, I need to make sure that I'm sparking some. And so I thought, I can't write a book if I'm not practicing these principles. So I love that you shared that 90% of it is like we get to choose. And because that gives people hope that it's not about the circumstances, that no matter what, we get to choose 90%. That's huge. That is so— I mean, that gives so many hope and so many others who are listening hope. But yeah, if you could share a couple of those things that we could start doing today, that would be awesome.

So I found that there are 21 main happiness habits. And they fall into 7 main categories. And so what I want to do is I want to share with you those 7 main categories because what I want everybody to look at as I do this is where are you the weakest? Because it's not just one thing, it's these 7 big areas and wherever you're the weakest is your Achilles heel and that's where you can focus to get the most leverage and change in your happiness set point. So I know it's hard to remember 7 of anything, so I created an analogy or a metaphor. I call it building your inner home for happiness. A home has 7 main area— main components. It's got a foundation, 4 corner pillars, a roof, and a garden. And here's how this relates to these 7 main areas of happiness. The foundation is taking responsibility for your life and your happiness. That means not showing up in life as a victim. You know you're a victim when you're stuck in blaming, shaming, which is blaming yourself, or complaining. So if you tend to be someone who regularly blames others, shames, blames yourself, or complains, then you— the first step for you would be to take responsibility for your happiness and go, oh, I can do something about this. It's not the outside. Then there's the pillar of the mind and the pillar of the heart and the pillar of the body and the pillar of the soul—the four main pillars of your home. The mind is your thoughts. Are your thoughts robbing you of your happiness? The heart—I've never met a happy person who had a closed heart. You know, do you have an open heart? Do you live with gratitude, kindness, forgiveness, generosity? Then there's the pillar of the body. Do you have the right biochemistry to be happy? You know, do you have enough endorphins and serotonin and oxytocin and, and the, the, the physiological chemistry for happiness? That, by the way, was where I was the weakest.

Really?

It was. And then there was the pillar— there's the pillar of the soul, and that is Are you feeling your connection to the greater whole of life? I don't care whether you call it God, the divine, creative intelligence, nature, doesn't matter. Then there's the roof, and the roof has to do with your purpose or passion in life. Are you living an inspired life? And then finally, there's the garden. The garden is, who do you surround yourself with? Are you around people who drag you down, or do you have those people that uplift you? So I want Amberly— I'm going to ask you and everybody To reflect where are you the weakest. So you've got the foundation is taking responsibility for your life and happiness, the pillar of the mind, your thoughts, the pillar of the heart, heart, you know, your love, the pillar of the body, your physiology, the pillar of the soul, your spirit. Then there's the roof, which is your inspiration, purpose, or passion in life, and the garden, your relationships. So Amberly, tell me, where do you feel like you're the weakest?

Oh, I love this. And I'm such a visual person that I love that you explain it in this way. And I would say that it's probably my mind, my thoughts. I constantly have to catch those thoughts where the inner critic comes up, the imposter syndrome might sit in where I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy enough. Who do I think I am to go after that big goal? And so, I do realize that and I try to— people think I'm the most positive person and I've learned to actually— talk to myself instead of listen to those negative thoughts that I have sometimes. And so I would say that's what I'm working on the most. And it was one of those days, to be honest with you, where I'm usually a pretty happy, joyous person, and I just woke up dragging. And I consciously, intentionally was like, okay, what can I do about this? And I know that Like you said, the, you know, the body, like getting the endorphins, the— those, even the dopamine hits, you know, I know that going to the gym makes me feel better. Moving my body moves my mood. But even this morning, I was like, okay, this workout's not working. Come on, come on. I need to get those endorphins going. Then I was like, okay, maybe I need some better music. You know, I was just trying everything. And then I finally was like, okay, I need to nourish my body.

I need—

Food. Food makes all the difference, you know, when you're properly nourished. And so I also think a huge component, and I just did a post about this on Instagram yesterday, about who you surround yourself with. Relationships are key, a key to success, not just a key to happiness, but a key to success. How would you suggest somebody start to take inventory of relationships and to start, like, I guess I would say, start, you know, making some healthy boundaries. Was that something that was hard for you?

Yeah, what a great, great question. And let me address that. And then I want to go back and talk about that mind and those thoughts, because that's, I find, where most people get hung up is exactly what you said. So, so, but let's talk about the relationship area first. And then we'll talk about those thoughts. So the number one question I'm asked by people is, how do I stay happy when I've got negative people around me? You know, I travel all over the world, and that is still the number one question I ask— am asked anywhere in the world is, what do I do about the negative people around me? And I have a few answers for that. The first answer is You know, as much as possible, you create boundaries. Now, I know that that person might be your child, your parent, your spouse, you know, and you're not going to get rid of them. Of course, if it's somebody that's really dragging you down and somebody that's— that is really damaging to you in any way, you do walk away. But if it's somebody that's just, um, in general kind of a bummer to be around, you limit yourself and you train them how you want them to speak to you. You know, if if if you can only handle a couple minutes of their complaining, you know they can complain for twenty minutes. You say, "You know I'm on this thing. I'm I'm really working on my own happiness, and I'm happy to listen to you. But I can listen to the complaining for about four minutes, and then we either need to move to a solution or to another topic." So you actually train people. That's the first thing. The second thing is. You build your emotional immune system. So if you're going to be around people who have a cold, how do you prevent yourself from catching their cold? You build your physical immune system so you don't catch it. It is the exact same thing emotionally. If you've got a bunch of negative people around you, you build your own emotional immunity by building your own set point, and their negativity tends to bounce off of you more. You do not absorb it as much. And really, I think the stronger energy in the room wins. So what you want is to become so strong in your own raising your own happiness set point that that is contagious. All of our emotions are contagious. We catch the people around us emotions like we catch their cold. You want to be the one that is spreading that good energy. And I'll give you a quick story about that. I, uh, have a couple of times had the honor of being with His Holiness the Dalai Lama in some small groups. And this one time I was in a group of maybe 25 people, and there was one really negative guy in the room as we were waiting for the Dalai Lama to come in. And we were all going, oh my God, how's this going to go over? This guy is really negative. Well, the Dalai Lama walks in and goes to sit down. He's just beaming, and you can't help but feel the joy and the happiness and the love. And the guy, the one negative guy, completely turned around. It was just like, wow, that was amazing, because the Dalai Lama's energy was so contagious in that, in that positive way. So that's the second thing to do. And the third thing that I would say to do is make sure that you consciously find yourself a group of supportive people, positive people, who will uplift you, who do believe in your dreams. I'm a very big fan of support groups. I have a program, Your Year of Miracles, and in it we have— everybody has their own miracles group of 4 to 8 people that they meet with regularly to help support each other in going for what it is that they really believe in their heart and soul. So those are ways that we counteract the negativity that's around us everywhere.

Oh, that's so wonderful. A good friend of mine, actually, he wrote the foreword to my book, John Gordon.

I love John Gordon.

I love John. Yeah, he's amazing. And he shares that, you know what, when you have that person in your life that is just so negative, every time you, you know, you're going to get on the phone with them and it's just going to be complaining and negativity. That you started out with saying, tell me something good. You know, you know, tell me something good. And then I love— well, first of all, I'm sure I can only imagine how amazing and just joyous that must have been to get to meet the Dalai Lama. And I do believe that that energy is contagious. I think that we— it is easy to catch and My dad, actually, who was, you know, he was being a little bit negative. He had just had a surgery and it was a minor surgery, but he was really, you know, being kind of negative about it. And it made me so happy because he watched a video that I had posted and I'm dancing around being silly. It's right before I'm going on stage and I'm walking up high-fiving people. And then we do like a really silly dance at the end. And he left a message, a comment on Facebook that said, oh, I have to admit, this made me laugh. This was so silly. And I thought, well, good. It's supposed to. It's supposed to be fun, you know?

Yep.

So I love that. Those are such great tips, especially when, you know, there's people that, yeah, you want to set boundaries, but you're— they're in your family or you're their close friend that you see often or a coworker. So that, that is awesome. You talk so much about manifesting. Um, I would love to ask you, well, first of all, in one of your videos, I said I stalk you on YouTube. You said 92% of people quit on things that they say they want, and it's mostly because they don't know how to manifest in the right way. What is the right way to manifest? Because I know we all want miracles. We all want a lot of things. But can you break down how to do that in the right way?

Yes. I absolutely will. Um, and I still— after that, I want to go back to the thing about our thoughts and what we can do about those.

Okay. Yes, we'll go back to that. I have so many questions and I want to fit it all in.

Okay. So yes, I, I have a formula, if you will, for manifesting that I learned when I was in my 20s. Um, and I, I still think it's the— for me, it's the formula that works. And it's got three steps. I like it because they're simple and they rhyme. And the three steps are intention, attention, and no tension. Intention means be clear about what it is that you truly want. And truly want, I mean from the heart and soul, not the ego, not what does the ego want, not what do you think you should have, but what's really Calling, you know, is this intention of yours aligned with, with kind of the higher calling of life? I would say. Then there's attention. Attention is the power of our thoughts, our words, our feelings, and our actions. So are you putting your thoughts, your words, your feelings, and your actions constructively towards your intention? Then there's that third step, and the third step is no tension. No tension means that you relax, you let go, you come from a state of joy and happiness already, gratitude already. You trust in the, in the flow of life that if that thing doesn't happen, this or something better Mm-hmm. You know, when we're holding on to what we want so tightly, I need this for my happiness, that is not ever really going to bring you the true kind of happiness that you really want. So, so be clear about what it is that you feel is calling you. Put your life force, your energy behind it. That's the attention. And then no tension. Let go and relax. And I'll tell you just a super quick story, if I may, about how this has worked in my own life. I was clear when I was 13 years old that my life, I wanted to be a speaker and I wanted to help people all over the world. That was just my— I saw Zig Ziglar.

At 13? You already knew at 13?

I randomly, a friend's parents took us to go see Zig Ziglar. Oh, you must know him. He's from your neck of the woods, from Dallas. And, um, and so he was— this was back in 19— Yeah. So this was a while ago. For those of you doing quick math, I'll do it for you. I'm 67.

You look amazing, by the way.

Thank you.

Oh my gosh, you look amazing. If y'all are listening and you're not seeing it on YouTube, you should head over to YouTube and see how gorgeous she is.

Oh, thank you. So, um, so I'm 13 years old, 1971. I see Zig Ziglar speak. I see, I get, oh my God, that's what I'm supposed to do with my life. I'm— I saw myself traveling around the world inspiring people. Didn't know how to do that, but I got an MBA in training and development so I could become a— so I could start in corporate America speaking, giving training programs. And I worked super, super hard. Um, I was giving training programs, I was traveling around, um, but the, the audiences were small. I was speaking on self-esteem for women. My mentor was Jack Canfield, who was teaching self-esteem.

Wow.

Nobody knew his name back then. He's the creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. This was well before he created Chicken Soup for the Soul. And I was, I was really burned out. So I was putting my attention there, my thoughts, my words, my feelings, and my actions. But I felt like I was hitting up against a brick wall. And I think a lot of people get that way. And a friend of mine one day came to me and she said, Marci, you look terrible. Those weren't the words she used. She said, you look like that. So she said, I'm going to take you away with me on a silent 7-day silent meditation retreat. And I said, you're crazy. I haven't been silent more than 2 hours in my life. I'm a speaker. I can't do 7 days. She said, no, you really need this. And off we went on this 7-day silent meditation retreat where I went into that state of no tension. I let go of this big, I've got to have this, I've got to have this, that kind of tension that I was carrying. And I just went into a place of emptiness and silence. And on the 4th day of that retreat, I was meditating and a light bulb went off in my head and I saw the words Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul.

Wow.

Now, this was before the only book that was out was the original Chicken Soup for the Soul book. Nobody had thought of a series or another book, you know, Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul. So the only problem with this scenario is I still had 3 more days of silence. I couldn't tell anybody. But as soon as the silence program was over, I ran to the closest payphone and I called up Jack Canfield. This was before cell phones. And I said, Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul. He said, oh my God, that's such a great idea. I can't believe nobody's thought of it. He called the publisher who said, oh my God, what a great idea. I can't believe nobody thought of it. And a year later, my first book came out and went to number 1 on the New York Times list that week. Now, that did not come from just intention and attention. That came from adding in that no tension, letting go of that, and being in this state of almost surrender and trust. And that is every time something great has manifested in my life, it has come from those 3 steps. You can't skip a step. Intention, attention, no tension.

Oh, that— I will never forget that. That we— and this couldn't have come at a more perfect time. And in fact, you know, this— I would do a gratitude practice every day, and I have a group of ladies, we call ourselves the God Squad, and we share what we're grateful for. And I usually write 10— we— there's, you know, we write 10 things and share it. And I usually write 10 things that I'm grateful for. But this morning, For the 10th thing, I wrote, my word today is trust.

Oh.

And I thought, you know, I just had a conversation with one of my really good friends, Henry Ammar, yesterday. And he went to the no tension and hadn't posted on social media, had not recorded a podcast episode in 6 months. And he was like, I highly suggest it. And I'm like, yes, yes, I will get to that point where I'm going to Right. Do that. But I'm about to launch my book and an event and this and that. But I— this is just— I feel like, you know, a God wink moment where I'm like, oh yes, this— I need to do more meditation, more be— I think when we can just be quiet and be still for a moment is when we can listen to our higher power, to God, to whatever your higher power is. And we can spark creativity, we can spark joy, we can spark more resilience. Resilience as well. So that is a formula I will never forget. That is so brilliant. I love that. And now, while we have time, let's go back to the mindset, how you shift your mindset.

Yes. And I will say, just want a little addendum to this, is that we have it backwards in our society. We think that success is what's going to make us happy. It's the other way around. It's that state of happiness that everything is energy.

Mm-hmm.

And when you are in that state of happiness or joy, you are in an energetic state where you are going to attract more and more of what it is you want. So go for that as well. Go for that. And that's what that no tension allows you to be more in that joy or whatever it is that allows you to feel no tension, whether it's exercise or meditation Or whatever. So I think—

I think so too. And, you know, speaking of that, I'll just say I've had people say, well, how did you get that speaking gig? And I'm like, well, I was at another event speaking and I'm not the best speaker. There are so many amazing speakers out there. But I really think it's because when I get to do that, I am so filled with joy and I am so happy and I love connecting and I And I think people feel that energy and it's the way they feel even more than what you say. It's like, how are you making people feel? And Tony Robbins always says, you know, energy is everything and everything is energy. And it's so true that energy is contagious and we have the ability to cause that ripple effect of good energy and joy. And so I love that you share that.

Yes. And it is true. We are magnetic. That's the thing. We are magnetic, so we want to magnetize to us. So, all right, let's talk about our thoughts, the mind piece of that whole inner home for happiness that we spoke about, because Amberly, you said that that was where you probably get tripped up the most, and I think that that's the one where we all get tripped up the most. The research actually shows that 80% of the average— that the average person has 60,000 thoughts a day. And for the average person, 80% of those are negative. It's called the negativity bias, and we inherited it from our cavemen ancestors who needed to remember all the negative stuff in order to survive. But we have outgrown that, and yet we still hang on to that tendency. So if you have that tendency towards negativity, the first thing I want you to do is not beat yourself up for it, because that's just adding insult to injury. That is a normal state. That doesn't mean it's the state that we want to live in. So here's what you do. A dear friend of mine, Rick Hanson, wrote a book called Hardwiring Happiness. He calls it the Velcro-Teflon syndrome. Our minds are like Velcro for the negative. The negative just sticks to us like Velcro.

Mm-hmm.

They're like Teflon for the positive. The positive slide off of us. So if you get 10 compliments in a day and 1 criticism, What do you remember the most? Most people remember that criticism.

Yeah, it does stick like Velcro. It's like you can get compliments all day long and then someone can come up and say, oh, you really look like crap. Yeah, you're going to go, oh man, I look like crap. Oh, I look tired. I look old.

I look, you know, and it just goes on and on.

So you're— he's right. It does stick like Velcro.

And so what happy people do is they have learned to reverse that tendency. They Velcro the positives and they Teflon the negatives. And by doing so, they're actually creating new neural pathways in the brain so that it becomes easier to notice and see all the positives that are out there all day long, all around us. We're just not used to looking for them.

Mm-hmm.

So here are 3 steps that the neuroscientists say that you can take. It's very simple. To create new neural pathways in the brain so that you can be more Velcro for the positive. First step, be on the lookout for the good. Just actually be on the lookout for it. It's all out there. One of the women I interviewed in Happy for No Reason says that she pretends that she is the Academy Awards committee, and every day her job is to give out 5 Academy Awards. So she is on the lookout for what is good around her. She'll be out taking a walk and she'll see a very cute little fluffy white dog and she'll say, oh, that dog gets the Cutest Dog of the Day Award. Beautiful sunset, she'll go, oh, that gets the Beautiful Sunset Award. So it's just being on the lookout. In fact, if you've got kids, this is a great game to play with kids, the Academy Awards for the Good Game.

I love that. I say go joy spotting. I go out and I go joy spotting and I intentionally look for something, whether it's a butterfly or a sunset or a fluffy, cute dog, which I'm a big dog person. I call it joy spotting.

I love that phrase. That— I'm going to borrow that phrase and credit you, Amberly. That's such a great phrase. So that's step number one. Then step number two is savor it for at least 20 seconds. You can't just notice it; you actually have to sit in the energy of savoring it for 20 seconds in order for it to become more of a neural pathway in the brain. It doesn't take anywhere near as long for the negatives to stick because we're more used to them. So the positives, you've got to savor for 20 seconds. That means you see that sunset, you don't go, that's a great sunset. You go, let me just take this in for 20 seconds. Or you go up to the dog owner and you say, your dog gets my cutest dog of the day award, and you focus your attention on that for 20 seconds. Okay, so that's the second step, savoring it. And then the third step is to go for a 3-to-1 ratio. That means 3 positives for every 1 negative. Now, the negatives are going to just pop up, so you can't like force them away. But what you can do is redirect your attention. Now, if it's something you need to attend to, of course you attend to it. You don't shove anything under the rug. But if it's just one of those old habitual thoughts, you just go, oh, there's that. Now I'm going to focus right now. What are 3 things that I can be grateful for instead?

Oh, that is so awesome. I love that. I also think it's helpful to really notice the good in people.

Oh, yeah.

And so, when I meet people, I have— and I don't do it intentionally anymore. I think I'm just— it's hardwired for me to do it. But I focus on— and I'm not doing it to just, like, really try to give them a compliment. It's just, I've been this way for for as long as I can remember, that I do focus on what I love about that person, whether it's their amazing energy or their big, beautiful smile, or maybe it's they just look sharp and I like their suit. Like with you, I was like, wow, I love your lighting. I love all the bright colors from the moment you got on. But I think it's really important to notice the good in people, whether it's something with their talent, their personality, or their smile, or whatever it may be, their new hairstyle. But notice the good and really recognize that. I think it makes a difference. And that could be with a stranger. You know, recently when we lost our dog and it was very unexpected, I intentionally went out. I was like, I need to feel better. I've got to— I just want to stop crying. It wasn't like I was trying to show shut the, you know, not acknowledge the emotion. I just wanted to be able to stop crying. And I intentionally went out because I wanted to connect with other people. I wanted to smile at them so I could see them smile back at me and just have that connection. I think that connection is so important. So we don't know— so we know we don't have to do hard things alone. You know, I think it's those relationships. Again, the garden. Is so important.

Yes. And, you know, you remind me as you're saying that, and I love that, is my husband and I play something called the Appreciation Game. We've been together 25 and a half years, and a couple, maybe 4 or 5 years ago, we were walking on the beach in Hawaii with another friends of ours that were a couple who'd been together 35 years, and they were always so happy. And we said, what's your secret? They said this is going to sound so, you know, simple and so, uh, you know, like, oh, come on, can that really do anything? They said it really works. And that is they appreciate each other, 2 or 3 things about each other, every morning when they wake up and every night when they go to sleep. And if in the middle of the day one of them needs some appreciation, they'll say, hey, what about let's do the appreciation game? And so my husband and I, it takes 30 seconds. Something I appreciate about you is how you make me laugh. Something I appreciate about you is how kind you were yesterday to go do that errand for me. Something I appreciate about you is that you are just a deeply good person. So you know that took what? Ten seconds, fifteen seconds, and then he does it back to me. It shifts the entire energy in the relationship. I I love the appreciation, Amy. You can do it with family, do it with friends. You can do it with your. Coworkers. I think the world would be different if we did more of that.

I do too. And you know what? I am going to make sure my husband listens to this episode because— okay, because you know what I mean? I really do appreciate his sense of humor. But man, sometimes he can be so hard on me. And I'll have people tell me, oh, I saw your husband and he was just going on and on about how proud he is of you and that you've done this and that. And I'm like, what are we— are you sure you're talking about my husband? Because he doesn't tell me those things. So I'm going to make sure he listens to this episode.

Great.

Now you are just constantly doing so many things. I was looking at your Instagram and you do everything from webinars to speaking all over the place. And I want people to grab your books as well. Can you tell people— well, before we go, Do you have a last message that you want to share? Any quick tip or message?

I do. You know, people are often asking me, isn't this selfish to want to be happier, to want to live in joy? You know, what about the world? Don't we have to worry about the world? And my answer is, it is the least selfish thing you can possibly do to raise your own happiness set point, to look for your own joy, find your own joy. Because when you do, you are impacting everybody around you. You are impacting your family. You're impacting the world in the most positive way you can. And in fact, there's a Chinese proverb that I love to share because it really sums up my philosophy and why I'm so passionate about this. And it goes like this. It says, when there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person. When there is beauty in the person, there will be harmony in the house. When there is harmony in the house, there will be order in the nation. And when there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world. And my prayer and my wish is that every single one of us know that light in our own souls. And through that, we help create more peace here on this planet of ours.

I just got goosebumps when you said that. I absolutely love that. Thank you for sharing that. I mean, I know the listeners are like, I don't want it to end. I want to hear more. and more. So grab her book. Tell everybody where they can learn more about you, maybe get involved with some of the work that you do, see you speak, or just any programs that you're doing. What's the best place? Where should people go?

So a couple of places. There's 2 main things. I do teach. I speak on Happy for No Reason, and I actually have a free gift for everybody. You can go to happyfornoreason.com, and on there is a workbook that has all 21 of the happiness habits and a practice that you can do with each one. And it also has a self-assessment. You can see where you are on the Happy for No Reason scale right now, and then you can do a few of the exercises and come back and take that assessment again. So that's a wonderful place to start. So that's at happyfornoreason.com. I also am certifying people to become Happy for No Reason certified trainers, and I do that training once a year to certify people who feel a call to want to spread this, spread this out. And then the other thing I do is I, I teach a program called Your Year of Miracles. It's about living a miraculous life. We have thousands and thousands and thousands of people from all over the world, from 87 countries Um, that, that come together in this program to really live a more miraculous life. So for that, you can go to youryearofmiracles.com.

Well, let's— tell us that one one more time.

Just youryearofmiracles.com.

Okay, awesome. I just wanted to make sure people heard that. And you guys, I know some of you might be driving, um, you might be on a run, so don't worry. All those links will be in the show notes so you can find Marci. And Marci, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and being on the Amberly Lago Show. I just sure appreciate you.

Well, Amberly, I love your energy. It's a joy to be with you. I'm thrilled about all that you're doing and joy through the journey. You've got a beautiful spirit and a beautiful message, and I'm grateful to be able to be part of this.

Oh, well, thank you so much. And y'all, you know what? Take a screenshot and Tag me in your stories and tag Marcy in your stories on Instagram. I appreciate you sharing this show and listening, tuning in, because it's, it's because of you. You've made this show a top 1% podcast. So thank you for tuning in. Marcy, thank you again. And we will see you next week.

Thank you.