Train Your Brain to Build Confidence with Bobby Maximus

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert and bestselling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace.

Hey, and welcome to True Grit and Grace. I'm Amberly Lago, and I've been really excited about today's guest. I have Bobby Maximus here with us. He is a former UFC fighter. I'm smiling because I edited his name a little bit. I've— he's a former UFC fighter, police officer. He's a strength and conditioning coach. He's featured in Men's Health all the time. He's known for saying some really outrageous, if I might say, things. But I love him because he keeps it real. He is 240 pounds of pure muscle here to keep it real with us. I really think, you know, how he has transformed his life is going to inspire you and what he does for others. So Bobby, welcome to the show. I'm so happy you're here.

Thank you, and, and I really appreciate— that might be the best podcast intro of all time. When someone refers to me as 240 pounds of pure muscle, I'm— we're off to the right foot already. So you put me in a great mood.

Yeah, well, you are. You know what, and, and I think that we originally met on Instagram.

Yes.

Maybe it was because of Bedros, or I don't know.

It was actually a combination. We have some mutual friends Uh, you were doing some work with Bedros, and I believe you were also on Bradley's podcast.

Yes, Bradley. And another reason I really love him is because he keeps it real. You get, you know, you— and we started before the show, you're like, okay, ask me anything, but make sure you really— it's, you know, you really— I'm gonna tell you the answer. And that's one of the things that I really like about you is you're not afraid to say what's on your heart and in your mind, or on your mind. And one of the things that you had said in one of your interviews is the 10 most dangerous words are, what will other people think? And what will other people say? And you're not afraid to say exactly what you feel. Were you always that way? Or how did you get so confident?

No. And on that note, I still am afraid. to speak my mind. I just have the self-awareness to work past that and continue on my path. Because I think there's this myth that successful people, competent people, muscular people, good-looking people, people that you would think are confident, are confident all the time. And that's just not true. We have to work at it like everybody else. And so a little bit about that. I was bullied fairly heavily till I was 15 years old. And when I say bullied, kids would rip my underwear out on the bus. I'd get wedgie'd. They'd draw on my face with marker. They punched me in the face. There was a lot of days I would have to wash my face off before I'd go inside to get home, because if my mother saw, she'd tell the other parents and I'd get beat up worse. And it all came to a head for me when I got my collarbone broken. These 4 hockey bullies beat me up and they left me with a broken collarbone. And I was scared. I didn't know what to do. So I joined the wrestling team to try and learn how to defend myself or toughen up because I couldn't make any sports teams before that. I wasn't athletic. People made fun of me. I was shy. I was awkward. And my first year wrestling, I lost 40 matches. I didn't win one. My second year, I won 1 out of 40 matches. So I wasn't off to a good start. Like, a 1-79 record is nothing to be proud of. So I kind of limped into the weight room, started working out. My first day working out, I got pinned under a 45-pound barbell. I didn't know what I was doing, but I just stuck with it.

Hmm.

And as I started to get stronger, my confidence grew. As my confidence grew, I started to win wrestling matches. Well, fast forward some years later, I found myself in the Ultimate Fighting Championship fighting in front of 20,000 people. Now, if you would have met that person, you would have thought I was handsome, charismatic, confident, all those things. But that's your view of me from the outside. On the inside, I look in the mirror and I see that same 14-year-old scared kid. looking back at me. Because during your formative years, if you're raised a certain way, you can't just get rid of that. And I was in the back of the Mandalay Bay Convention Center, and all I was thinking about was, I'm gonna lose this fight, people are gonna make fun of me, uh, I, I can't go back to my job if I lose, this is gonna be humiliating. And I lost that fight really bad. And it was at that moment I realized I had to fix my brain. And so I started to work with a sports psychologist named Brian Cate, and a lot of the stuff I do, I give credit to him for this. But we isolated that the biggest weakness that I had were what will other people say and what will other people think. And I had to do all kinds of psychological exercises to work through that. And within 3 months, I was fighting in the UFC again. But because I was doing those exercises I believed in myself, and before that fight, I was on another planet of confidence. It's I'm gonna kill this guy. I'm gonna take him apart. I'm the best in the world. I deserve to be here, and I went out and I won that fight.

Wow!

Once I won, and this is where I'm going with all this, I decided I didn't need sports psychology anymore, so I quit. The next time I fought. all the negative voices came back. So that taught me a lesson that's been fundamental for my life, that having low self-esteem, having confidence problems, being insecure, being worried about what other people say and think, this is something that's stuck with me forever. And if I don't actively work on it on a day-to-day basis, that confidence that I seem to have, it goes away. It's like fitness. It's a skill like anything else. If you work at it, You're good at it. If you're not, you lose it.

Oh, thank you for saying that. You know what, it is like anything else. I mean, confidence comes and goes. It can be knocked right out of you. I'll never forget, I was about to go and speak on this big stage. You know, Mel Robbins was there, Jay Shetty, Lewis Howes. And I was in the green room and there was a guy sitting next to me and he goes, who are you here with? And I was like, oh, I'm here With me. It's just— And I was like, it's just me. And I was kind of caught off guard, and I already had little confidence to get on that stage and do my first, like, big talk in front of thousands of people. And I said, oh well, who are you here with? And he said, oh, I'm an agent and I'm representing this person, this person, and this person. And I was like, oh wow, I need an agent. And he goes No, I'm a boutique agent. And he like turned his back like, you're not good enough, you know? And I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. And it was at that moment for me, I had to go outside and I was like, have a talk with myself and say, Amberly, you are going to get on that stage. You're going to kill it. Do not let this get, you know, you know, knock you down. You're going to get up there. You're going to do a good job. And I had to talk to myself. And it was at that moment that I realized I really needed to work on my self-confidence. And I like that you share that, that it didn't come easy for you. And it still is something that you work on. And I think that you are the definition of grit. And I've heard you share in other interviews that, you know, you weren't always the best fighter. You weren't always the best at sports, but you worked really hard and you have such an incredible work ethic. Where do you think that, that, that work ethic, or where do you think that grit comes from? And do you think that someone can work on their grit and build the grit that they have?

Yeah. So there's, there's 2 things. There's nature and nurture, right? Uh, there's a genetic component to it. There are some people that are just born stubborn. I'm one of them. So I kind of came by it honestly, and my parents were like that. And so that was good. But the second is the nurture component, what I've learned during my life. And I really credit those 2 first years of wrestling, losing everything, setting up— setting me up for the rest of my life because I got real comfortable with failure.

Mm-hmm.

You see, I know a lot of people that were successful at everything and then they hit 25 and 26 when it matters. when they're aware of self-esteem, when they're aware of public image, and then failure is this big scary thing. I failed so many times to start my career that now I'm just comfortable with it. Like, I am super comfortable if you put me in your situation where the person says I'm a boutique agent. I take that in stride now. I take it as a challenge. I actually enjoy when that stuff happens to me because I love proving people wrong.

I do too. And I've used that as my biggest motivation in everything. You know, when doctors told me, you'll never wear shorts again, you'll never run again because of all your scars and your leg and everything, I was like, oh really? After it initially felt like a kick in the gut, it did motivate me. And I think I love underdogs too. I was always the underdog. And I love proven to myself that I can do something. But so you were stubborn even as a kid, and you saw that in your parents. And then you got good at reframing failure and practicing and starting again. And I do think that that builds grit. But you said you started businesses that weren't successful. When were you a police officer?

So I'll back up a little bit. I went to university, and I went to the University of Western Ontario. This is after high school when I got good at wrestling, and I was on the wrestling team, and I got a degree in English, a full degree in psychology, and then I ended up with a Bachelor of Education. And so I've got 3 full university degrees. And before, I always knew I wanted to help people, but I didn't know how I was going to help people. I really think that that's how you leave your mark on the world. It doesn't matter how much money you have. It doesn't matter, like, your experiences. It's, it's how did you make the world a better place? And I had 2 parents that were always— we didn't grow up with much, but they would bend over backwards to help people in need. And so that's always been a part of who I am. And I kind of thought I wanted to teach, and that's how I was going to help people. So I actually, for a little bit, taught grade 4 and taught kindergarten.

You did?

Yeah. And teaching broke my heart.

Oh, you're—

because I'm a protector by nature, and it was really hard to see a kid with 2 shithead parents.

Oh.

And not be able to do what was necessary to protect them. And so I actually found it really emotionally difficult to teach. So I decided that maybe I wanted to be a police officer because maybe then I could impact people in a positive way. So I went and I was a cop. And funny enough, I actually failed my background check to get into policing.

You're kidding.

I was not accepted right away and had to, had to apply a couple more times and then I was accepted.

OK, why weren't you accepted?

I mean, you know how you said you love proving people wrong? I used to have the saying that I'm well balanced. I have a chip on both shoulders. So when I— when, when my dad died when I was 20 years old, and I was angry because my dad was my best friend, and I was going to university and he died, I never got to say goodbye. Um, I was devastated. And there was a real grieving period for me for about 3 months, 4 months. When I came out of that, I was so angry that I didn't know who to take it out on. You know, if you would have asked me at the time who I was mad at, I would have said God. And if I see him, I'll kill him.

Mm.

Like, I was just mad at the whole— but there was really no one to be mad at. So there was this anger I couldn't direct towards anything specific. So because of that, I was in a lot of fistfights, uh, probably slept with way more women than I should have or wanted to, did some sketchy things, and they come out in the background check. Now, what I didn't realize in my first background check, the police were actually more worried about how you owned up to what you did versus what you did. So the first one, I tried to paint myself as this saint and this angel. And I didn't pass. The second one, same thing. The third interview, I just was like, I had nothing to lose, so I laid it out on the table. So they're like, do you do drugs? I'm like, nope. They're like, do you drink? I'm like, sometimes, but not to excess. They're like, sounds like you're a pretty straight guy. Do you have behavioral problems? And I'm like, I fuck a lot of girls and punch a lot of people in the face. They were like, all right, is that something you're proud of? I'm like, nope. I was in way too many street fights. It was the wrong thing to do. And I passed. Wow.

I can't— well, do you think it'd be different nowadays, though, if— because of what's gone on?

I didn't grow up in the age of social media.

Yeah. But also, you know, my husband's a retired lieutenant commander with the California Highway Patrol. And back in the day, he was even on— we were watching home videos the other day, we still had videos of when he was on the Real Stories of the Highway Patrol, and he was— they would follow him around with a camera and, and while he would pull over people and stuff. And, and back in when I met my husband, oh gosh, like 17 years ago, it was a very respectable thing to be a police officer or a cop. And now it's, it's kind of crazy. We were just on vacation and, um, I came into the— or he came into the water. He had been talking to some people on the beach and he go— I was getting out of the ocean and he goes, whatever you do, just don't tell him that I used to be a cop. And I'm like, what? And it's like he doesn't want— he didn't want to tell people he's a cop. He doesn't want the judgment. He doesn't want— um, have you gotten a lot of judgment or do you see a difference nowadays with what happened with, especially with everything in 2020 about—

But I have a different view of policing.

I—

so I'm pretty down the middle with this, and a lot of people have a hard time with me because I'm not left and I'm not right. I'm not Republican, I'm not Democratic. I grew up Canadian, so I didn't grow up with the political affiliations that generally Americans do. Like, what I see down here is if you were born into a Republican family, you're Republican for life. If you were born into Democrat family, you're Democratic for life. And so I'm not one to think the police need to be defunded. I'm not one to think that all police officers are bad. But at the same time, I'm also aware enough to realize there needs to be a major restructuring in policing.

Mm-hmm.

And there needs to be more oversight. And frankly, police— it's not defunding. Police need to be paid a lot more. So let me tell you about Canada. Right now, a first-class officer in Canada makes over $100,000. That's a 6-figure salary. They also get full benefits, full medical, full pension, full everything. Question: you have $100,000 to pay an employee or $32,000 to pay an employee like cops make in the States. What quality of employee is generally going to be better?

$100,000.

You're going to get a way better pool of applicants, right? And then the other thing is when you are making that money, you don't want to screw up or mess around or—

Because you don't want to lose that money. You take the job a lot more seriously.

You don't want to lose it. And so I really looked at policing as professional. So despite the fact before policing I had some suspect behavior stuff, in 5 years policing I never had one racial complaint. I didn't get in that much trouble. Like, I took it seriously because it was a serious job. It was an actual profession.

You say, yeah, profession. And that's how it was when my husband was working. It was a profession. And he really took it seriously. I mean, it took years of us, you know, a couple of years of us dating before I could see him in public in his uniform and even like hug him. He would be like, oh, no, don't come near me. You know, I'm in my uniform.

Yep. So I wish guys like that were paid a lot more down here because we get a lot better employees. But I did learn in that background check that you just had to be honest and own up to your behavior. And that was another fundamental lesson in my life, that I've done what I've done, just own it and don't be ashamed of it. We've all made mistakes. We've all done stuff we're not proud of. Just own it. And I see this in the media all the time where actors or actresses or famous people get in trouble and they just don't own their behavior. And it keeps piling on and piling on when all they have to do is stand up and say, I was human, I was hurting, I made a mistake, and it would all go away.

Oh, and it's freedom when you can just take accountability And own what you've done and who you are. The— that saying, the truth will set you free, it sure does. It is freedom. So when you were a cop and you decided to move to the States to be— to fight, right, for the UFC?

Well, to fight. And I was fighting in the UFC while I was a cop, and I realized on some level that I couldn't do both. So I moved to the States to try and further my fight career. And then at the same time, I was a little disillusioned with policing as well because I wasn't being able to help people the way I wanted to.

Mm-hmm.

I was going to calls, I was taking reports, I was arresting people. But you arrest people and then they go away, and you might see them again, you might not, but you can't really positively impact a person's life. And so at least that's how I felt. And so I wanted more. And so, you know, looking back on my life, strength and conditioning and exercise and psychology was such a big part of who I was and it helped me. I thought maybe that's the way to help people.

Yeah. Well, you've got multiple power endurance world records that you've set, and you're constantly featured in the media for all that you do. And you really live the lifestyle and set an example for— I've seen you and your son working out on social media and fitness Fitness really changed my life as well. I feel like that's what— it was a real blessing for me getting in this motorcycle accident, having fitness. That was what really pulled me out. And it was hard. It's been hard. But I think that so much of it starts with our mindset. So I like that you talked about mindset to start. And what are some things, speaking on mindset, that you do to keep your confidence, you know, so you don't— so you have more confidence? What are some of the things that you could share with others today that they want more confidence but they're not quite sure how to develop that confidence muscle? What would they do?

You, you have to brainwash yourself, for lack of a better term. You got to train your brain like you train your chest, your legs, your arms, whatever. You want nicer triceps so you look good in a dress? you got to do some tricep exercises. It's as simple as that. You want some confidence, you need to do some confidence exercises. So there's 2 things I do. One is, uh, and I learned it from Brian Cain, it's called green dot therapy. So I have these little green dot stickers that I stick all over everything. There's one on my steering wheel, there's one on my phone, there's, there's, you know, one on a book I read, there's one on the fridge handle. And the purpose is every time you see a green dot, you have to give yourself a compliment or think positive self-talk related to one of your goals.

Wow, that's such a great idea.

Because what happens is in your head right now, you've got green light thoughts and red light thoughts. Green light thoughts are, I'm pretty, I'm intelligent, I'm a great speaker. I dress well. I'm professional. I work harder than people. Whatever things that you want to think about. The red light thoughts, and everyone has one, I'm ugly. I'm not in shape. My story isn't unique. I'm not a good speaker. And so there's a constant battle between the green and the red and the green and the red. You have to train yourself to be primarily green if you're going to be successful. And it's really hard to sit down and meditate for an hour a day and then the other 23 hours not do it and expect yourself to be confident or believe in yourself. So what I do is every time I see one of these green dots, it's just constant positive affirmation throughout the day. It doesn't take time because I do it on the fly as I see the green dots. Because one of my failures is when I start feeling confident, I think I don't need it anymore. So I won't spend the hour doing it a day. This way, I'm constantly doing it throughout the day. It doesn't take away from my life. And then I've learned over time to start really changing that narrative from negative to positive.

That is such a great idea. But speaking of doing things on a daily basis, do you have like a morning ritual that you do, or do you have something that you do that are— that's like a non-negotiable? You have to do this every day to feel better, healthy, healthier.

Yeah. So, my workouts are non-negotiable. It all starts with the body. Healthy brain, healthy, healthy, sorry, healthy body, healthy brain, healthy brain, healthy body. If your environment that you live in, because really people forget, we're just a meat suit. Like who you are is your brain. This is just like a robot that your brain lives in. Well, if your vessel, if your meat suit, if your robot Meat suit. Poison, then your brain's going to be poisoned. Like, you can't live in a pile of filth and expect yourself to feel good. And I think a lot of mental illnesses, a lot of, a lot of psychological illnesses, they are related to having an unhealthy body, whether it's bad food, it's, it's processed food, it's drugs, it's alcohol.

Oh, for sure.

Poisons you, right? And so It starts for me with the workout. That's the biggest thing. I have to look after my body. And by the way, it's completely 100% controllable. You see, I can't control if my wife cheats on me. I can't control if I'm in a car accident. I mean, I can drive a little safer, but I could be at a red light and I could get rear-ended.

Mm-hmm.

I can't control the, the The virus that I'm not allowed to mention because we'll get shadow banned or whatever. I can't control what the government's going to do. I can't control the— if there's a hurricane or a tornado, but I can 100% control the effort I put into maintaining my physical fitness.

Exactly. I'm so glad you said that, because let me tell you, doctors thought I was crazy in the hospital because there I was. I could not get up to even use the bathroom on my own. And I was like, I'm going to need a pull-up bar. And some dumbbells. And they were like, what? I'm like, yeah, I can keep my upper body strong. I'm like, I need to focus on what I can control and not what I can't control. And I think that starting your day with moving your body, I just noticed how much better I felt. We just got back from vacation and it was the first vacation I've had in a long time. And I told my husband, I said, I feel better now. I walked for 2 hours straight. I got in the ocean and swam a couple of times out to the buoy and back. I went to the gym at the hotel. I said, I feel better now than I do when I'm home and I'm sitting on Zoom for 8 hours straight.

Yeah.

And it's moving your body releases those endorphins that make you feel good. Yeah, my leg was a little bit sore after, but you know what? I felt good mentally and physically. And I think that it does all go hand in hand, your mind and your, and your, your body and what you're telling yourself and then what you're eating or drinking and how it affects your body. So I so appreciate you saying that. And are there days when you skip a workout or you work out every single day?

I work out every day, but in fairness, because I want to be honest with people, It's also because I absolutely love it. I'm very aware, cognizant of the fact that if you don't love working out like I do, it's hard to do it every day. It's something I love. It's the first thing I want to do. So if we went on vacation, I want to find a place to train. That's what I want.

That's my favorite thing too. That's like the best of vacation is I have more time to work out.

That's what I want. Now I'll, I'll compare it to golf because golf is, is fairly you know, big for a lot of people. I hate golf.

Me too.

I don't play it. I don't want to watch it. I don't want to— there are guys that love golf, that golf every day, and it's easy for them. If you told me I had to golf every day to be successful, I don't know if I would have the mental stamina or fortitude to force myself to do something I don't like. So in fairness, for me, it's something I inherently love, which makes it Well, I think that there are ways to make it more fun.

And so when I've had clients, you know, I was a fitness trainer for years. I started when I was 25 doing fitness training. And sometimes I would get kids who their parents would come to me and say, she hates working out. She doesn't like to move at all. And so I would just find myself having to get creative with them. So I would hold boxing mitts and let them box. I would dance with them. I would just do anything to find some joy in the journey of working out. And then when they started to feel better because of doing it, that's when they're like, oh, yeah, maybe I do like this. Maybe I can stick to this. But I do think it's easier for people like you and I who actually really love to work out. And I do love to work out. There are days that I don't feel like it though, but I focus on how it's going to make me feel afterwards. So there are a ton of fitness people out there, a ton on social media, off social media, they're everywhere. How did you get to be the leading expert that Men's Health, all, you know, all these media companies, they come out to you and ask for your advice? I mean, you get thousands of views on your YouTube channel. You've got people, you know, on your waitlist. to coach with you and be in your programs. How did you get to that level?

You know, I want to say hard work and effort because a lot of people, they think they're going to train people because it's fun. But there's a difference between going to work out for fun, training people for fun because you don't want to get a real job and you think this is a great way to pick up girls or hang out with your friends or do something easy, and a difference in turning it into a real profession or a career. So I take pride in what I call craftsmanship. You see, I put a lot of effort into my Instagram posts. I put a lot of effort into what I write. I put a lot of effort into the emails I send. And by doing that, you separate yourself from people professionally. And I'll tell you a little story about that. I got an English degree. I studied Shakespearean drama, Romantic literature, Restoration literature. When you have to write a 10,000—

You always like surprise me every time I learn something else about you. I'm like, what next? Are you superhuman? Okay, sorry to interrupt. I just had to say that.

Thank you. I'm a nerd. But when you have to write a 10,000-word dissertation on Paradise Lost, on Aphra Behn, who by the way is the first female playwright. She's credited as that. The Rover. You've got to, you've got to do something on Dante's Inferno. You've got to study the Bible. You've got to study history. You've got to study art. You develop a certain skill set. And so think about this. You're an editor for Men's Health. You ask me to write an article. You get that article back and it's perfect. You You don't have to edit it. You don't have to look it over. You can not even look at it and pop it on the website, and you're getting, uh, industry-grade professional article. There are other trainers who write their article, fucking spelling mistakes in it. Their punctuation is trash. It doesn't flow.

There's—

they don't even know what syntax is or grammar. Well, if you're the editor And that person's making you work harder, or I make your job easier, who are you going to call for articles?

Yes, that's such a key point. And you know, I'm invited back to speak for certain events and companies because I go in and I'm like, I am going to make this the best experience. I'm going to put all my effort and all my work into making this such a great experience, not just for the people who have hired me, to be here.

I—

if they want me to show up early, I'm going to show up early. If they want me to stay extra, I'm going to stay extra. And I put in because I love doing it also. But then I get asked back because they know I'm gonna, I'm gonna share the experience.

You, you— and I learned these things early on in life— you, you be professional, you smile, you say thank you, you be gracious, you don't complain. If someone asks you to be there, you be there. Even something as simple as helping clean up.

Oh yeah.

I'm there as the talent and I am not above helping somebody carry something or asking what more I can do. And I just call that professionalism. So if you're professional across the board, you start to get— it doesn't work. It's not a— you can't be professional for a day. You can't be for a week. You can't be for a month. But over the years, you start to build a reputation. People like you, and not because they like your face or because you're more popular. They like you because you work hard and you make their job easier. You become useful. And so by doing that, I think I've separated myself from a lot of other people who aren't willing to do those things.

Do you think a lot of that is how you were raised? A lot of people that I've met from Canada— in fact, I can say that there's not one person that I've met from Canada that I don't just love. I love every single person I've ever met from Canada. The people seem— that I've met seem like they're very similar to how I was raised in Texas, where when you tell somebody you're going to do something, you do it and you show up. A handshake goes a long way and your word is everything.

Yeah. And if you fuck up, you say sorry.

Yes.

Rectify it, right? Because you're gonna screw up. But I, I wouldn't classify that as Canadian as a whole. It depends where you're from, where you're from. I'm from a town of 1,800 people. My house growing up was, you know, 700 square feet maybe. I could go buy the house I lived in for $59,000 right now. My parents didn't have a ton. My mom was a nurse. My dad worked on the railway. I am blue-collar hard work through and through.

It's taken you far.

There's nothing entitled about me. So if, if you have me at an event and you put me in the Four Seasons, I am grateful. You put me in the Red Roof Inn, I'm okay with it. I'm not a diva. I don't need to be babysat. I don't expect to be treated special. And so that stuff has really, really helped me. So I'd say that's something just the way I was raised.

It's interesting. That made me think I'm doing an event in October and they— the organizer called and said, you know, we're so sorry, we have to move you. You're staying an extra day and we— they didn't have availability in the hotel. Would you be okay staying in this other hotel? And I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. I just need a bed or a couch to stay on. I'm good. And it was interesting, I had, uh, my speaker— I finally do have a speaker agent. It's interesting. I find— and I love her. And she said, well, I'm getting you ready for this next event. Are there any requests that you have for your— for the green room? And I'm like, what do you mean? She goes, would you want water? What kind of water? I'm like, I, I don't care. I don't need water. I can bring my own water. They're like, no, do you need like a special type of food? Or— and I'm like, no, I don't need anything. Like, I don't really need anything. I'm just happy to be there, you know? But it was very interesting because I guess a lot of people are like, yes, I only want red M&M's, or I only want Evian water, or whatever. I'm just like, I am just grateful to be there, you know? Yep.

And, and that's like— it's, it's funny you say red M&M's because apparently there's this Mariah Carey thing that she wants only green M&M's.

Oh, well, see, there you go.

But I like to look at myself as I'm not Mariah Carey yet. Like, literally, that woman has one of the highest octaves on the planet. She is as successful as you can be in the music industry. So maybe she's earned that right. I always want to keep the attitude that I haven't yet. So that helps me be successful as well.

Wow, I like that. I love that. Well, so now you're doing articles for Men's Health and you're making it easy for them everywhere you go. You're just— you set such an example of grit and endurance. And I just saw your little one run by. Is that your son?

Yeah, so my, my wife's away all day. Um, I have the kids, I, I think, you know, a fair amount. Like, I'm with them all day Monday, uh, I'm with them Tuesday all afternoon, I'm with them all day Wednesday, most of the day Thursday. Like, I'm a full-time dad in addition to my job, so I'm doing all this stuff while watching the kids and doing my thing.

Well, do you think that having kids really changed your life from having the 2 chips on your shoulder to kind of balancing the anger and grief out a little bit more and changing your life? Do you think it was your kids that did that?

Yeah, I credit my 12-year-old for that. Because when I had him, I realized that I was probably too angry. And he deserved a better life than to be raised with a dad who was angry. So I let it all go.

Well, how you say let it all go, someone that's holding on to a lot of anger, Like, I remember after my motorcycle accident, my husband was angry. I mean, it was embarrassing to me how angry he was, actually, because it was like in the hospital causing a scene. It was, um, you know, well, that person who hit her, he's gonna pay for this. He was very angry, and he eventually let it go. I'm not sure exactly. I think time helped with that. Do you think there are ways that you can do? Because I know you've worked a lot with your mindset to help let go of anger. Because I know when you're really angry about something, it's hard to let it go. Are there ways—

I'm sorry to cut you off. I wish I had advice for that. When I looked into that little dude's eyes, I was done being angry. It was just that simple. You know, and you hear about that, like, you can't understand what it's like to love a child If you don't have one.

I told my husband that when we got married because I had a daughter, um, from my previous marriage. And when I met him and I was pregnant, I said, you could never imagine how much you're gonna love this child. And, and I'll never forget when she was born, I saw him cry for the first time. He just looked at her and cried. And it was this big tough guy. He's probably about the same height as you, probably about the same weight. crying in the hospital. And he is the best dad. I feel grateful because I get to be married to somebody who's such an incredible dad and would do anything for our child. And I see the kind of dad you are just from on social media, what you do with, with, with your son and how you work out together. And so do y'all work out together a lot?

You know, kind of. I don't force them to do anything because I think they're too young for that. Uh, not too young to work out, too young to be on a program and deal with that kind of stress. I don't think kids should have stuff beaten into them, and I don't mean literally beaten. It's a, it's a figure of speech.

Mm-hmm.

I think they should be exposed to it and learn by watching what you do, and if they take it up as their own choice, it will be that much more powerful. I don't want them to grow up to resent it. I don't want them to grow up to have to want to do it. I want them to grow up to love it like I did. So I bring them, they watch me, I expose them to it. I talk to them about my failures, about my insecurities, about what I was successful with, what I wasn't successful with. And then if they want to do it, great. If not, they can do something else.

Doesn't it just melt your heart though when you see them doing the positive things that you're like, I didn't even tell them to do that, look at him? Because I remember I walked in my daughter's room last night and she was sitting on her bed with a face mask on and a robe reading a book, looking at her fish aquarium. And like at the same time she got a new fish. So I'm like, oh my gosh, she's doing self-care. She's reading a book by my friend John Gordon called The Positive Dog about how to have a positive mindset. I was like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. I was like, I'm so proud of you right now. And so, yeah, it makes you proud as a parent to see that. Well, so if people want to, they're like, oh, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want to look like Bobbi Maximus. I want to feel better. I want to have energy. I want to love working out. Where can I start? How can I start working with Bobby Maximus?

There's a couple of ways. One, just type Bobby Maximus into anything. That's the beauty of today's society. You don't need my website, you don't need my email. If you go to Twitter, Instagram, Google, and just type in Bobby Maximus, you'll find me. I ain't hard to find, so that's a good thing. The second way, but I don't recommend this, Go in your bathroom at midnight, turn the lights off, and say Bobby Maximus 5 times. But I can't be responsible for what happens to you when that goes down.

Oh my gosh, you're hilarious! Oh my God, you are so funny. Well, I know that you have some programs. Do you have a mastermind too, or is it—

No, I don't. Uh, it's something I probably should develop, but I love it.

It is my favorite thing that I do in my business is my mastermind. I— it brings me so much joy. And I think it's because, like you, I think one of the reasons I got into fitness was like, how can I help people? And so when I couldn't train the way that I wanted to again after my accident— I mean, I could, but I would pay for— the price I paid was heavy with pain after being on my feet and stuff all day. I thought, well, how can I still help people. And it's— I, I love helping people. So yeah, it might be a fun thing to do.

Yeah, my program's generally one-on-one. People pay me for a 12-week internship, if you will. We talk on the phone every week, one-on-one. I write custom programming for people. We do custom psychological exercises. And that's kind of my version of it. And I have about 20 people I deal with on a regular basis, and some leave and some come back and Some have been with me for 11 years. That's my version of it. But my next step is to do something where I could have 30 people on a call a week or 40 people where we can all interact with each other. So I think that's a great idea.

Yeah, yeah, it's so much fun. Well, I tell you what, you put a smile on my face so many times when out of the blue I'll just get some crazy text message from you. And I've been looking forward to having you on the show just Your work ethic, your grit, and how honest you are about sharing your whole experience is just— it's amazing. You're amazing. And you really show that hard work does pay off. It might not, you know, be necessarily about talent, just reframing failure, working your butt off to get to where you want to go, and believing in yourself, and that anybody is capable of being confident and resilient with a little bit of work. So Thank you for being here. Thanks for, uh, spending some time sharing and pouring into the audience. And you guys reach out to Bobby Maximus, follow him on Instagram. You can see some of the behind the scenes, and he says some pretty crazy stuff. I feel like you didn't say so many F-bombs on this show today, but you say some pretty crazy stuff. So go check him out on Instagram.

I try to— when I'm on podcasts, to edit myself a little bit. Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, the swearing's not necessarily authentic or unauthentic to who I am. I say it when it feels right. Um, but, but sometimes from a literary perspective, you can use it, especially with Instagram, you can use it as a point of emphasis. Do you know what I mean? It's a different style of writing, so you can use it as a point of emphasis.

Yeah, yeah. But also, like you said, you know, can't— you said you can't say what kind of, uh, virus because you might get shadow banned or something. How crazy is that?

Yeah, and that's troublesome for me because we've entered an age where— listen, you're entitled to your beliefs, but I am thoroughly disgusted with the backlash, the oversight, the micromanaging of social media. If you look on somebody's Instagram or you look on Facebook and you really think that's the truth, You really think that's the news? You really think— you've got the problem. It's not Instagram or Facebook.

Mm-hmm.

You know, it's, it's kind of like— and listen, I think Joe Rogan's brilliant. I love his show. I think he's, I think he's great. But let's get one thing straight. It's an opinion show. It's an entertainment show. It's not facts. It's not the news. Jon Stewart used to deal with this all the time too. Where people would look at Jon Stewart's opinion pieces as news.

Yeah.

And I remember watching him in an interview. He's like, for fuck's sakes, I'm on Comedy Central. Like, what do you think this was? Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

But it's sad that we live in a world where Facebook and Instagram have to try and decide, or Congress tries to decide what Facebook can post, what they can—

It's crazy.

It's opinion. That's all it is. And I don't understand why the average human doesn't know that or realize it.

Yeah, it's pretty crazy. And, you know, with so— and I know a lot of people that that's where they get their news is through social media.

The, the other one that bugs me is with CNN and Fox, and they're both guilty of it. If you watch Fox News, It's fairly impartial. If you watch CNN News, it's fairly impartial. But something happens at 6 or 7 o'clock at night. Chris Cuomo comes on on the one network, and then Tucker Carlson comes on in the other, and it's not news anymore. It's news entertainment. But it's on the same channel. It has the same set and the same Graphics, and so people look at it as factual.

Isn't that interesting? I never thought of it like that.

But it's the people that are the problem. I'm well aware that Tucker Carlson just says stuff to fire people up. I'm also equally aware that Chris Cuomo does, and I'm not saying wrong or right, but it's news entertainment. It's not the news. David, thank you.

It's so good to see. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Grit and Grace Podcast.

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