Turning Frustration Into Inspiration with Jess Ekstrom

Welcome to True Grit and Grace, a podcast designed to empower you to claim your resilience and thrive through life's challenges. I am Amberly Lago, a mindset coach, fitness expert and bestselling author. Each week, I'll dive deep with the world's brightest thought leaders and elite performers to share tangible tools and practical advice to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead. So get ready to conquer your fears, heal any trauma, lead with your heart, and elevate your life with grit and grace.

Hello and welcome back to True Grit and Grace. Today on the show, I have a superstar here with us, and I mean, I just saw her on TV the other night and I was like, oh my gosh, it's Jess! I started screaming. I have Jess Ekstrom with us. She is the founder and the CEO of Headbands of Hope. It's a company that— I have some of her headbands right here. She She donates headbands to kids with illnesses with every headband sold, and she's on a mission. And she— I don't know, I gotta ask her— may have already accomplished 1 million headbands donated. She's been featured on the Today Show, The View, QVC, Good Morning America. She's in commercials, so she— you've probably already seen her on your TV. She started Bright Pages. So all of you journalers out there that need a little inspo, a little guidance, I would definitely recommend her Bright Pages. She has got a podcast. She's got a book. I have her book right here. I'm telling you, she's one of the best writers. I've— I was just— we were talking before we started the show. She's one of the best writers. It's called Chasing the Bright Side, and she has a superpower of optimism that she shares with all so we can all tap into that superpower. So, so happy to have you here with us today. Thank you, Jess, for being here.

Thank you for having me. My, my head's not going to be able to fit out of my office. You just built me up so much.

Oh my gosh. Well, you're amazing. And I think I scared my family the other night when I was watching. You know, I rarely— and what's so weird, I rarely watch TV, and the TV happened to be on, and I was doing something in the background, and I was like, oh my gosh, this is on TV. She's a legend. But I have loved reading your book. And we were saying, you know, before we started recording that Mitch Matthews, huge shout out to him, a good friend.

Huge.

Oh, I love him. He's a good friend of both of ours. And he's like, you guys have to meet. And I know when he makes an introduction that it's going to be like a person that's like solid gold. And he was right. I instantly fell in love with all that you do. And I think that you— did you just get home from living in an Airstream for a while?

Just got home. We literally like 3 days ago pulled up in front of our house after a 2-and-a-half-year trip in an Airstream. It started off as like just a tour for Chasing the Bright Side and was just going to be a couple months, and then we just kept going. But I'm glad to be back. Like this morning I did my laundry and I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't have to put quarters in this. This is my laundry machine. This is great.

Wow.

So it's been fun to be back.

So you started out in your Airstream. Well, you went camping a lot as a kid. I did too. That was the only family vacation I ever had was camping, and it was some of the best days of my life. And so when you and I first met over Zoom, you were actually in your Airstream, and I was like, oh, I've always wanted an Airstream. But for 2 and a half years, you had to have some— a solid marriage to be in that close quarters with your husband. Well, and your dog. For sure.

Yeah.

How did you manage that? Was it hard? Did you feel like you needed some space? space sometimes?

It definitely— we had to learn our crew for sure. Love my husband. We met in college and he's the best, but we are like, if you're familiar with the Enneagram, he's a 7, you know, the enthusiast, always needs to be around people and very, very active. And I'm a 3, which is like, I'm a worker, you know, I'm an achiever. And, um, so he had to learn, like when you're in a house, I'm like, okay, I can go in this room. You can be in that room and we can have some space when you're in a 27-foot, you know, Airstream for almost 3 years, I had to be like, babe, I just need, you know, a little bit of space. And we have one curtain partition that goes in the middle. And so whenever I would need space, I would just like close that curtain. So we would still only be like 3 feet away from each other, which was funny because that was— that's your version of space when you live in a trailer. It's just a small curtain partition. But, but it was great. I mean, our relationship got stronger. We— he actually ended up, um, uh, once we were on the road, he still had his job, you know, back in Raleigh, and then realized, you know, my business was growing and, um, jumped on board with me. And so he runs all the operations for, um, my company now, which that would have never happened if we had not been put in the Airstream and just kind of forced to, to be creative.

Wow, that, you know, that's amazing that That it— that's happened. You know, my husband is retired and he is just now— it's taken, it's taken a few years. Maybe we should have hopped in an Airstream to make it happen faster, but it's taken a few years for him to understand that this is like— I don't think he thought of speaking at events, excuse me, or being an author as like a real job.

Right.

And it's taken him so a while to see— excuse me— that it's like a real job. And so now he helps.

Yeah.

Are you in Raleigh?

Yeah, Raleigh.

Oh my gosh, I'm gonna be there next month. I have got to see you.

You have to come by.

Oh my gosh.

I would love to see you. Yeah. Raleigh's home base for us.

Oh, I love, I love North Carolina. Um, I'm gonna be there for an event, um, a speaking event. Before we get into all that you do with speaking, because you have spoken on some of the biggest stages and you now help other people really tune their message, fine-tune their message, and deliver an impactful message that inspires other people. Because we all have a story. I love your story and how you grew up and the lessons that you share. And I love how you started Headbands of Hope. Can we talk a little bit about Your Headbands of Hope, cuz I was curious to how that got started. And when I read your book, we have a lot in common with Make-A-Wish Foundation and stuff like that. But can you tell us a little bit, walk us back to the time?

Yeah.

When you started it, because it's been a while. How long ago?

It's been, next year will be our 10-year anniversary, which is crazy. Wow. So about 9 and a half years. And it all started from a Disney internship where I was a PhotoPass photographer. And I was like that obnoxious person in a safari outfit that wanted to take your picture all the time. But my favorite thing that I got to do when I worked at Disney was I got to photograph kids that were there on their wish through the Make-A-Wish Foundation. And so I got back to school my sophomore year at NC State, and I interned at Make-A-Wish. And one of the things that I had noticed when I was there was a lot of kids that would lose their hair to chemotherapy would immediately be offered a wig or they'd be given a hat. And a lot of them weren't really concerned about, you know, covering up their heads. They didn't want to hide their experience. They just wanted to feel like a kid again.

Yeah.

So I would see them wearing these headbands and I just thought it was such a cool gesture of confidence that they would just march around and wearing these headbands that were so cute. And so I remember like Googling, you know, headbands for kids with cancer and couldn't find anything. And I think we put a lot of complexity around entrepreneurship. We put a lot of shiny words, but really like, That's the moment when you become an entrepreneur is when you're looking for something that you can't find and you decide if you want to be the one to create it. And I think entrepreneurship at its core is just, you know, creating what you wish existed. And that can be small or big scale.

Finding your dad kind of teach you that message when you were little? You were frustrated because your, your headphone wires, like I have now, were all tangled. And he was like, You need to invent that.

Yeah.

Because you were like, we need like a Slinky, something that doesn't get tangled. And that's when it was like, oh wow, that kind of clicked for you that that is entrepreneurship, when you can solve a problem and create that. And it doesn't have to be something— because when I was a little intimidated by entrepreneurship, I didn't know that I was an entrepreneur at a very young age. But looking back, I have been and created businesses from the time I started at 18— well, younger than 18 when I started working at 13. But I love how you shared that it doesn't have to be some big complicated thing, that it can be something simple. And that, that is how you started. You're like, well, I can't find anything. But I love how you wanted to do the headbands because it, instead of hiding, it really embraced. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I think when we think of entrepreneurship, you know, we think of like Spotify or Airbnb or these Uber, these mega disruptors that change, you know, how the world works. And that's a lot of pressure. And so you'll never start if that's what you're trying to be. I like to call it inspiration from frustration. You know, what are the things that you just kind of get frustrated by, whether it's in your community, in the environment where you work, whatever it might be. And those frustrations are actually can be indicators for like where things could be done better or differently. And that's, you know, kind of the, the origin of Headbands of Hope was I thought like, hey, we shouldn't just be giving them wigs and hats. We should be giving them headbands if they don't want to cover up their heads. So I started Headbands of Hope my junior year of college. For every headband sold, one is given to a child with an illness. And so yeah, coming up on 10 years, we've donated to every single children's hospital in America and 22 countries and 1 million headbands donated and counting, which has been— Wow.

You did reach the 1 million mark.

Yeah, yeah, we actually haven't announced it yet, but we have reached it. We're thinking of how we want to celebrate it.

Yeah. Oh my God, congratulations.

Thank you.

That is so amazing.

So thank you. But you mentioned, you know, my dad, and my dad was an entrepreneur. He, you know, quit his job when I was in middle school, started— turned our upstairs bathroom into his office and, and started a business. And I think that I was really— I didn't notice it at the time, but I was really lucky to have a front row seat to someone going for it. And so that way, when I was, you know, presented with these potential business ideas, these inspiration I had to start Headbands of Hope, starting a business wasn't some outlandish idea because I watched my dad do it. And I, I think that now, you know, the, some of the purpose that I find beyond Headbands of Hope is like trying to be for others what my dad was to me, which is just like a humanized version of an entrepreneur who's normal and messy and just doesn't have a business degree and is just going for it. Because I think that that needs to feel like an option for people. It needs to be accessible, especially for women.

Oh my gosh, especially for women. And I mean, for me, I did not have that at all. And honestly, My whole life, people are like, you're crazy, you, you want to do what? With every single thing I've started, from the moment that I decided to move to Hollywood to become a professional dancer, you're crazy, that'll never happen. When I wanted to write a book, you're crazy, that'll never happen. When I said I'm going to be a speaker and share my message, oh right, good luck. I didn't have any kind of system or plan, and I've done it messy, and I've figured it out along the way. And I think that we need women like you to share how to, to make things happen, especially for me, because it's been such a learning experience.

Yeah.

But I love for you, every step of your way You have, you know, when you started working at Disney, I think Disney is great, but I was never one of those Disney fanatics.

Neither was I. Yeah.

Like in your book, you're like, I've never been one of those Disney fans.

Yeah.

But you looked at it with optimism of what could you learn from it. And one step led you to another, which led you to where you are now. I mean, that's how you reached out to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. And it made me think, you know, I just got back in town. I was speaking at an event and on a stage only because I was invited to the movie premiere of Wish Man. Did you see that movie?

Oh no, but I heard of it.

Yeah, so my friend Greg Reed, his wish— he had asked Frank, he was like, what is your wish? And he said, well, nobody's ever asked me. He said, I'd like to make a movie about my life to share the things that I've done so my grandkids know what— who their grandfather was. So they made this movie. My husband's like, why are we going to this Wish Man movie premiere? I'm like, I don't know, but something tells me I need to go to this. And one thing led me to another. I met the founder and the producer, and then they got to know what I did, and then I spoke at their event. So when I was reading in your book about how you took that chance, you were like, well, They never had interns at Make-A-Wish until they met me. I reached out to them and you were like, let me take a chance. Where do you feel like the optimism that you have for life comes from? Because you seem to have this superpower of no matter what, even if it's something you don't really think, oh, I don't know if I want to do this, you look at the bright side. And you find the optimism in it. Where do you— do you think that comes from what your dad taught you, or do you think you just— that's who you are since you're a kid?

You know, I think that as kids we're all born optimistic, and then it's like a conditioning to where we— the more data and life experiences we have, we realize like, hey, maybe things don't work out as planned. Or the first time, you know, you ever like a boy and he doesn't like you back, or the first time, you know, you study for a test and you don't get a good grade and you're like, oh, this equation that I had for life isn't working as well. And so I feel like as a kid, I was very optimistic until, you know, around middle school, high school, where you go through those years where you're like, wait, that doesn't make sense. Or like, why do I have acne now all of a sudden? And it wasn't until— and I'm sure that you read this in the book— my senior year of high school where I and my family experienced something pretty intense where my uncle is one of the biggest financial criminals in history. And—

I actually read this part out loud to my husband.

Yeah.

Can I just tell you really quick?

Go for it.

I read this out loud to my husband because he's very into that kind of stuff. We almost got caught up in a Ponzi scheme. And he goes, wow, she writes this in the book?

And I said, Yeah, why not?

You own it, then nobody can use it against you. You've already written about it, you've already talked about it, and you share what you've learned from it. And so he goes, oh yeah, well, that makes sense. But he was like, I want to read that book. But yes, I was blown away when— tell everybody who your uncle is.

Yeah, I mean, my uncle is Bernie Madoff. And, you know, it was one of those things where I did compartmentalize it for a long time, for 11 years, because I did not want people to know. It was actively trying to make sure that this was not found out or part of my story. And then, you know, once I started speaking more and started Mic Drop Workshop, which helps women learn to speak and get paid to do it, and so much of the core part of what I teach is just like owning your story. And then all of the things that you've done, the good and the bad, have gifted you some sort of lesson that could be your opportunity to teach others. And then here I am saying this, and I'm like, have this skeleton in my closet that I'm not telling anyone. And so when I got the idea for Chasing the Bright Side, because I knew that this trained muscle of optimism played a really big role in starting Headbands of Hope and all the other things I'm doing, But really, that, that muscle started to become into play when everything crashed in, you know, December 2008, when not only, you know, did the economy crash, but he was, you know, exposed, and we were all just in this hurricane. And so I knew that if I was going to write this book, if I was going to be teaching women to own their stories, that I needed to not just talk the talk but walk the walk. And honestly, writing it and, um, remembering the details and being able to connect the dots was like closure that I didn't know that I needed personally. Um, and very cathartic, isn't it?

It really is when you write. I remember when I was in the middle of writing my book, I— my, my brother had just been sentenced to death. He sits on death row in Texas. I, I didn't write about that in the book. It was— the book was already sent to the publisher. But I did write about some things that were really hard to write about, things that I thought that I had dealt with, like sexual abuse, you know, sobriety. And I realized when I wrote about it that it was very cathartic. And so I'm, I'm happy to hear that, that had that same experience.

Well, and it's so And I hate saying this, but it's like really interesting to hear you say that because, you know, you look at your life and you seem to have all of your boxes checked and just like former dancer, just a speaker and have this insane community. And I think one of the things that came out of publishing Chasing the Bright Side for me was all of the people afterwards that read it and shared their thing, you know, their version of Bernie Madoff or, you know, your brother. And it's like, oh my gosh, I love realizing how unimportant I actually am. Like, it's just— and it's one of the most relieving discoveries to realize that like everyone has stuff going on and we're all just doing our best. Yeah.

Yeah. You feel like you're the only one.

Oh, you feel you're like the only one. And it's, oh, this will— yeah.

And so once you— like, once— and also, I really am a firm believer in that once you really own your story and you share about it— and that's what I was trying to explain to my husband, but there was a lot of shame about, you know, totally, I had gone through, especially, you know, being, being sober. And my brother— because my husband's a lieutenant commander with a highway patrol. I mean, he just Retired now, but it was— everything is very—

It was a lot. Yeah.

Straight-laced, like follow by the book. And now here's the wild card me. But I realized by sharing my story that it's connected me with so many other amazing people. When you share things that are hard or you feel vulnerable and you share those things, it really builds a deeper connection. And like you, you know, you are the successful You've got this company, you've got all these communities, you've got courses that you do. I told you, I see you on Facebook all the time. You're— you like pop up and you're everywhere you look. You're on TV, you're on Facebook, you're on Instagram.

I mean, you're— I'm surprised you haven't even— your podcasts are probably sick of me, you know, seeing me by now.

No, but to know that you have gone through these struggles But you seem to be able to find these bright spots. And that's one of the things that I really loved in your book is every experience that you've gone through, you give what you've learned and how we can apply it in, into our life. One of the things that I really loved is, uh, something as simple as saying, like, cutting out one word when you're talking.

Mm-hmm.

When you say yes, but instead of saying yes, but you say yes, and totally how improv taught you to do that. Yeah. You share a little bit about that. I, I think it's brilliant.

Yeah. Well, I, I originally started taking improv classes, one, because I have like a dream of doing standup comedy, but two, you are funny. Oh, thank you.

In your writing, I crack up. So you should definitely do that.

Thank you. Um, but I had heard from other speakers that doing improv helped them be looser and just, and especially when you start, you know, doing any kind of emceeing gigs where you have to improvise and go with the flow. So I started taking improv classes to help my speaking and realized that this principle of yes, and so when you're, if you and I were doing improv together and you, the setting was like, okay, we're on the moon and Meteor just like came down and crashed and we said like, yes, the meteor, you know, was too big or whatever, then we can't continue on with the scene. But if we said yes, the meteor just crashed and now pink confetti is everywhere, then we can build on that scene. And so whenever I feel myself being almost like closed-minded and like, yeah, that won't work because this— I'm like, well, what if I just improvised for a second and said like, yes, that could work and it could turn into this. Because one of the things that I've learned, if I'm looking at my life right now, which is I lived in an Airstream for 2 and a half years, you know, I started a hair accessory company that, you know, Khloe Kardashian now wears. And I have, you know, these courses that help thousands of women around the world get paid to speak and get book deals. Like, this was not on my vision board. You know, this was not a little girl doodling in like this You know, this could happen. And so what I've learned is that like, yes, let's have goals and let's have dreams and visions, but there are so many winning possibilities for us that we don't even know exist yet. Like, there are so many things that are possible that could feel so amazing that like we don't even know that they exist. And so we have to just continue to say yes and, and keep showing up just like you did at the movie premiere. Because like, who knows who you're going to brush shoulders with? Who knows who you're going to meet that your life could take a completely different direction that's not on your vision board, but could be equally as wonderful or even better. And so I think a lot of people think like optimism is really having that tunnel vision, but I really think it's just making the wonder be louder than the limits. You know, how much airtime are we giving to the wonder versus the airtime we give to our limits? So it's— I think that's what—

That is such a mic drop right there.

Oh, thanks.

Oh my gosh, it's so true though. In fact, I just was talking to a client yesterday who has a surgery coming up, and she's so nervous about it when she's waited to have this surgery that's going to help her And I said, you know, I said, it's normal to, to get nervous about surgery. I mean, I know I've had 34 of them on my leg. I don't really get nervous anymore about surgery because I've trained my thoughts. And one of the things that I do is I use affirmations anytime I have that thought of worry or, oh, but what if, or, oh, I switch my thoughts. And so I told her, anytime you have one of those thoughts, write that down and then write down an affirmation. I mean, I love affirmations. Actually, I have, I have one right here on my tape, and it says, I am fearlessly visible. I boldly shine my light. God walks with me. Like, I, I need those. I love that. Affirmations sometimes just to You know, we need to remind ourselves of all the possibilities and keep our mind on the wonder instead of the limits, like you said. I love that.

And if we say—

Thank you. And, and it's, you know, it's easy, especially when you don't— if you don't have a lot of support around you, it would be easy to start doubting yourselves or dream very small. And I don't think if I ever would have You know, if I would have listened to some people who were like, you're just a fitness girl, you, you don't even own a computer, you'll never write a book, I never would have written a book. Who knows? I never would have had the opportunity to be on the Today Show. Who would have thought that? I always think you never know. I mean—

Never know.

You never know. And I love that you said you never know who you're going to brush shoulders with. And a lot of times I'm like, you know what? I'm always exactly where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to meet whoever I'm supposed to meet. And that also takes a lot of the chase out of it. Like, I don't want to be chasing, chasing. I want to be in the present moment.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that there's like 2 sides to the coin of you never know what's in store for you. That could either trigger some anxiety, like, because, oh, I don't know what my future looks like, or it could be possibility. And so one of the things that I, I have to constantly remind myself is that, you know, we can't control everything that happens to us. We can't control like a global pandemic. We can't control if our flight gets in on time, or we can't control if our, you know, neighbor's dog is barking while I'm trying to do a podcast. But We can control the meaning that we give to it and what we do next. And so with things being uncertain, I like to think of it like optimism versus anxiety. Both optimism and anxiety require us to think about something that hasn't happened yet. So if we have the ability to worry about the future, it also means that we have that same ability to imagine a better one. So it's really not about the circumstance, it's the filter that we apply to it. And that's what optimism really is, is just choosing that filter of this is going to be good. And usually when we filter it in a positive way, it ends up happening, you know, because like I've woken up some days where I'm like, oh, you know, I like, I don't know, I had a glass of wine last night and I shouldn't have, or like I didn't go to my fitness class this morning, or, you know, I woke up at 2 AM, today is just going to be awful. And guess what? It is, because that's how I started my day. And so it's really just like the filter that we put it in is usually what's going to happen. So let's make it a good filter. And that's what optimism is.

Yeah, well, I, I love that. And I, I'm a firm believer in that. And I feel like the more gratitude we have, the more the good that comes into our life. What are some of the things that you do to start your day so Because, you know, I woke up, I have one of those cricks in your neck, you know, and it's like, yeah, you can't turn your head. I'm like, how am I to the point where I wake up and I've injured myself in my sleep? I don't know, but it's happening.

Sleep injuries.

Sleep injuries.

I know.

And I was like, oh my gosh, you know, today's gonna be hard. I'm like, no, Amberly, start your day with your gratitude. Do an affirmation, do some readings. I'm horrible at meditation, but I was like, me too.

I'm so bad. I'm so bad at it, but I go through like a kick where I'll be on it, you know, for like a month and then be off the train for a little bit and get back on. But the thing that I think I'm most consistent with is journaling. And that's the thing that if I can point to like one thing that I have to do in the morning, it is download my brain because, you know, our brain can only hold up to 6 or 7 pieces of information at a time. And then anything above that, We start to get overwhelmed. And I don't know about you, but like there's more than 6 or 7 pieces of information, especially in the morning when you're trying to think about what you have to do today or what happened yesterday. And it's just, for me, it's like the crossroads of my head is in the morning going in all these different directions. So journaling was really the main thing that I do in the morning. But one of the things during the pandemic that I had realized was like, you know, I tried buying paper journals, I tried doing some different online journaling services, and I found that, to no fault of anyone's, but a lot of them were more gratitude-driven. And I wanted something as a professional woman to have a journal that helped me with the things that I want to create, the things that I want to do, like my priorities for the week. If I'm having writer's block, or hey, I really want to journal about this new podcast that I want to start, or whatever it might be. And I couldn't really find anything that was journaling for doers. And again, just same back to that moment, that crossroads at Headbands of Hope, where I Googled, you know, headbands for kids with cancer, that moment where you're looking for something that you can't find could be the starting block for you to create it. And luckily, all my speaking gigs had gotten canceled. Which, you know, was a blessing in disguise. And I'm sure the same for you.

Oh yeah.

And I had all of a sudden—

Return to preschool, which just isn't the same.

Yeah.

And I had a calendar with just green pastures that I've never had before. And so I was like, let's start this journaling app. And so it's called Bright Pages, but we're actually rebranding it in a couple months to Prompted because the thing that we do that has taken off more than any, any other part of the app Is what we call prompt pathways. So you can pick a pathway. Let's say you are feeling like some imposter syndrome today. You can pick a prompt pathway that is getting over your imposter syndrome, and you'll get questions, journaling prompts to help guide you through imposter syndrome.

Or if you are— Because I think, yeah, I felt that at some point.

Well, even like something tactical, if you— I, a lot of women in my community want to write a book. So there's a book writing pathway that gives you questions to flesh out your book idea. And at the end of that pathway, you'll have a book proposal, you know, to pitch to an agent. And so the pathways are created by guides. I would love for you to be one of them. And so it's people who have done it and they're like, here are the questions that have helped me, because I feel like now more than ever, we have access to so much content, so much information. So sometimes we don't need more answers. We need the right questions. It's like a lot of times what we need, we already have. We just need someone to help us extract it. So that's where Bright Pages came from. Yeah. So journaling, to answer your question, is the main thing.

So, so with Bright Pages, is it something that anybody can do online? It's an app that they can get?

Yeah. Right now it's web-based, so you can go to brightpages.com and check it out and anyone can sign up. We're doing, we have a free version and a paid version right now. Right now it's, I think, I think it's like $20 for the year or something like it's, we wanna just get people on it.

I wondered how much it was. I mean, I have, I've looked at it.

Well, it's gonna, it's gonna go up eventually, but right now the people on it is more valuable than the money that it brings in. Cuz we learn more and more with each, you know, person that comes on, if there are bugs or, uh, what pathways people wanna take. Yeah, anyone can do it, and then you can do it on your phone or your computer. And the other part that I really like about it is it emails you your prompt for that day, and you can just reply to the email like directly in Gmail or whatever you use with your entry, and it'll archive it for you in your journal. So that is journaling for busy people. Yeah.

That is amazing. I mean, Okay, so I'm— I don't like to say I'm technically challenged. I like to say I'm getting better at technology. I am learning this stuff. But I mean, 4, almost 5 years ago, almost 4 years ago, I didn't even own a computer. I was not on social media. When I see all that you've done, I'm so inspired by just your knowledge and that you you've put things together and that your courses and even your website is beautiful. And how you— I mean, it really is. I'm so impressed.

I can't take credit. It's like, honestly, it's just getting the right people on your team who their strengths are your weaknesses. Like, I'm not technologically savvy either. And so I feel like building out my team consists of like all of my flaws, finding the people that are good at those things.

Thank you. You know what I always say, hire your weaknesses and focus on your strengths. 100%.

I need to like put that on my forehead. That's—

yeah.

And then don't, don't try to learn how to code. That's just not a good use of your time. Yeah.

That's exactly right. You know, when I, when I had started, I was doing everything on my own, which is good because I learned how to use The Instagram app. Still trying to figure out Facebook a little bit, but I ended up sticking to Instagram more. So I learned how—

And it paid off for you. Look at you now.

Oh my gosh, it paid off. And I have to tell you now, I never imagined I would be invited to go to different people's masterminds to teach people how to optimize their Instagram. And at this event that we were at, They had a contest for whoever did a post that got the most engagement and likes or whatever won all this, this big elaborate prize. It was like, I don't know, $4,000 worth of stuff.

I won.

That's amazing. I was like, I won.

And I was like, all those hours that I spent on Instagram, hours and hours and hours, it's finally paid off. And like you said, you never know when something like that's gonna happen. So I love that you have different courses that people can go in if they're feeling imposter syndrome. 81% of people want to write a book and they don't know how to get started. What are some of the things that you do through Bright Pages to help them? Because so many people wanna write a book and 1% of those people actually go on to write a book.

That's a great question. I think that most of the time we're just overwhelmed with all the things that have to go into a book. And so instead, just start with figuring out your idea in a way that serves others. And so if you're on Bright Pages, take the book writing pathway and it'll help you do that. But one thing that I like to do when I have an idea for a book or speech is I do what I call the tree exercise. And this is what I teach in Mic Drop Workshop and BookPop, where I have the theme of what I want my book to be. So let's say it's optimism, like Chasing the Bright Side. And I draw a tree trunk and I put optimism, you know, as that theme, that, that promise that I want to give people. And then I asked myself, what do readers need to know in order to learn how to be optimistic? And each one I create a branch. So, okay, they need to learn how to go for it. They need to learn how to be adaptable. They need to learn how to use optimism as a strategy. And I start filling out these branches And if I can create 12 to 15 branches, then that's a book idea. Because sometimes we're like, yeah, it just gives you like, do I have enough? The goal of a book should be to provide a transformation for a reader. And so each chapter is a different mechanism or lesson in how to do that. And so sometimes we don't know like, okay, do I have enough to write about with optimism? But if you can create 12 to 15 different branches, which are those mechanisms that would be your future chapters, then you have a solid book idea. But sometimes I'll like create, you know, an idea and I only can kind of write 4 to 5 branches, and I'm like, maybe this is a blog post or maybe this is an article but not a full book.

Oh, I love that. So I'm, I'm taking notes as you were talking about that. That's such a great idea. And I love in your book how I can now see the branches in your book for your chapters. And each, each branch, you tell a story of how you learned that particular lesson. And then at the end of the chapter in your book, you give the takeaway and the lesson.

Mm-hmm.

And it's such a great way. In fact, when I was reading your book, I was thinking, I love the model that she uses for her book, and I love— and I feel like it's so meant to be because I talk a lot about hope. And yeah, on the back of your book it says, one flicker of hope.

Oh, thank you.

That's all it takes to catapult yourself into the life you've always imagined. And I always say that's all it takes, it's just a glimmer of hope to keep you moving forward. And I mean, you've had— you've got Marie Forleo giving you a shout out of your— I mean, testimony. Hello! I'm such a huge fan of hers. And so I really, really thoroughly enjoyed your book. Your book is one of those that I turned pages, you know, I, I turned pages over. I actually have my highlighter. I was highlighting things in the book. And I feel like your book, you could take so many different nuggets and turn them into blog posts or Instagram posts. And so I love the idea of using that tree trunk to create a book and using that tree trunk to create a motivational talk. Yeah, you know, speech. And how many branches do you use when you're creating a talk that you're preparing?

So with, with talks, I use 3 to 5. And because you don't want to overwhelm, you know, people. And so the good thing about having a book is you pick your best 3 to 5 branches out of the, you know, 12 to 15 that you have and turn it into a talk. And so, um, writing a book and giving a talk are so synergistic because you are already creating the content, whether that's for your talk or for your book. And then And then when every time you speak, you know, you sell books, and then publishers are looking for women with platforms, and speaking is a great way to develop your platform. And it all just kind of points back to the question of like, what, what do you want to be known for? You know, what's that North Star? I think that that's one of the main things that I hope people take away from this is like, picking one thing that they want to provide people. And then that's, that's how you can really create that brand for yourself is just by being that optimist person or by, you know, whatever it might be. Just pick one lane that you want to drive in for 3 to 5 years, and then you can pick another one.

Yeah. And everything you do with, you know, your Headbands of Hope, you're providing hope. With your Bright Pages, you're providing hope. Because there's a lot of people, well, women especially, that I want them to write that book. I want them to get on more stages. We need more women stages. I have a meeting right after this about this event that I just did. And one of the things that I'm bringing up is we need more women on the stages. We need more women on panels. I did this one event that was huge and it was all about transformation and they had a panel and not one woman was on the panel. And so I was like, dude, we need more women on panels. And so they created, after I talked with them, and my husband was like, I can't believe you're going to talk to the founder about he needs more women.

I'm so glad you did.

Well, and I talked to him, and so then they developed a whole event just for powerful women. And I'm like, well, let's do a whole event together with women. We don't need our separate event. We do need the separate events, but we need events 100% shoulder to shoulder, you know. And so I love— yeah, that is such a powerful tool I'm gonna use, is having that tree trunk And oh good. Oh, I love that.

Well, and the whole thing is just drawn here.

I swear, I think it's brilliant.

The whole thing is just like making these leaps of faith accessible to people. You don't have to be a unicorn. You don't have to have some crazy new theory that you're introducing. It's like speaking, writing, thought leadership, entrepreneurship. It's it's it can all be there, you know, for people. So how do we make it? So it doesn't seem that as scary as it might, as it might feel when you're sitting in the audience. Like, and that's why we need women and diverse speakers and just authenticity up there is because the way that you can really make an impact on stage or whether you write a book is if an audience member can connect the dots from where they're sitting to where you're sitting or standing on stage. And so if it feels like it's so far away, like, oh, I I can't relate to that white man who went to Harvard, or I can't relate to this Olympic athlete or whatever it might be. We have to have relatable thought leaders out there for people to be able to make that connection. Like, that could be me. So you don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be an expert. Just have something that you want to teach that you feel like you're 10% ahead where you can teach on that.

Oh, I think that is brilliant. And it's so true. And, you know, I share a lot of my struggles and share how I got through it. And then the, the different ways that I got through it. Because none of us are perfect. We're all human, just trying to figure this all out.

Yeah.

And so when people find out that, look, I didn't even own a computer, I handwrote 90% of my book, they're like, like, oh, well, I could do that. If she did it, I could do it. And that's what I want people to know is that I'm just trying to figure it all out. I had this huge company reach out to me and they're like, hey, I'd done this, uh, speaking gig with him. He was this powerful billionaire. At the event, we gave— each speaker gave something away. I gave a downloadable gratitude journal. That was my gift. He gave away a house. I was like, wait, afterwards, I swear afterwards I was like, wait, wow, way to one-up me, man. You get—

I probably would have given away a headband. So yeah.

I was like, wow. He reached out to me and he's like, hey, I'd really like to use your brander, the guy, whoever is doing your branding and your social media for you. And I was like, uh, that would be me. And he goes, you do it? And I'm like, I'm like, yeah. He goes, well, I'd love to hire you to help me with our Instagram, our social media. I said, I have to say, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just figuring it out as I go along. And he said, well, that's why we want you, because you've seemed to figure it out. And I'm like, no.

Yeah.

I haven't figured it out. I'm taking chances. I'm just doing what's on my heart. I'm, I'm doing what you do. Yes. Yes. And let's do this and this and this. And you never know. And, and that's the excitement of it all. But I just love all that you share. I love that you're giving these children hope and you're, you, you're teaching them to embrace their— who they are and to be authentic. You provide such joy, Jess. You are such a light in this world.

Thank you.

And you're helping so many women. to achieve their dreams with your bright pages. Y'all go out, tell them where they can find your book. I highly recommend this book. This is seriously one of my favorite books. You're one of my favorite people, and I can't wait to spend time with you. I want to see you and hug your neck.

Yes, when you're in Raleigh, for sure.

So we'll talk after.

Yeah, well, um, absolutely. Yeah, you can come to my website, jessaxtrom.com. And you can get Chasing the Bright Side really anywhere books are sold. And if it's not at your local library or local bookstore, you can request that they get it. And yeah, I would love to have you on Bright Pages. You can go to brightpages.com.

That was brilliant, by the way. That is one key little secret that I tell everybody who wants to write a book. Every city that I go to, I go to any bookstore I see or any library I see, I pop in there and I request for them to hold my book Because they have to order it. So then guess what? Your book is in that store.

Totally. I do that with a lot in libraries. Like, every single library almost has like that online request form, um, where you can request that a library carries that book. So I love it. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, we think a lot alike. So totally, tell them your website again so they can go check out all your goodies.

Yes, for Bright Pages you can go to brightpages.com, and my website is just my first and last name, jessekstrom.com, and would love to see you on there.

Yeah, and, um, I also highly recommend following you on Instagram, especially your Bright Pages, because you put some great journal prompts right there on Instagram.

Thank you.

And quotes, and you celebrate other women on there as well, so So if you're listening to this and you're out for a run or you're, you know, whatever you might be doing, don't worry that all the links are in the show notes, um, so you can check it out. But make sure y'all check her out. She, she's, she's an amazing, an amazing lady. And anyway, thank you for—

Thank you for having me.

Sharing your wisdom, being patient as we record. If there's a part of this that really resonated with you, take a screenshot and, and share it on your social media. And tag us @AmberlyLagoMotivation and @Jess_Extrem, I believe it is, right?

You got it.

Yes.

Thank you.

Can you tell I stalk you a little bit?

I love it. I'm like, I even forget the underscore. So that was great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So yeah, y'all reach out to her, tell her you heard her right here on True Grit and Grace. And thank you for tuning in. Thank you, Jess. You're amazing.

Thanks, Amberly.

Thanks so much for joining us this week on True Grit and Grace Podcast. If you like it, please rate it or share it with your friends. That would help too.

If you're not yet on the newsletter list, come over to amberlylago.com and jump on it. While you're there, you can grab a free downloadable gratitude journal. You might just want to check out my book or even check out my monthly motivational membership. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next week. Bye.