Worthy: Transforming Lives with Jamie Kern Lima

Hey y'all, I am so fired up because the Unstoppable Success Summit is in my hometown, Dallas, Texas this year. We are going to be coming to Dallas April 19th and 20th, 2024. So come join us. Look, success is built on relationships, and this is not some big, huge conference with thousands of people. This is an intimate, a very exclusive experience on purpose so you can build those meaningful connections so you can rub shoulders With people like, oh my goodness, I've got John Gordon, Ben Newman, Rachel Luna, Rudy Ricksteins, Henry Ammar. Um, I'm speaking. There are mastermind members taking the stage. And so getting in the room is key and getting in the right room can help you achieve unstoppable success. So if you spend your time with people who see your potential, you're more than likely to reach it. So make This year, make 2024 the most unstoppable, most successful year possible. Level up your business, level up your life, get the clarity, gain the confidence, get the real tools taught by people who have already paved the way for you. And, um, I can't wait to see you there. So get ready to ditch your limiting beliefs and, and, uh, Stop listening to fear and go after your dreams. Go to unstoppablesuccesssummit.com, and I can't wait to see you in Dallas. Okay, see you there. Thank you for tuning in to the True Grit and Grace podcast. I'm Amberly Lago, and I'll be sharing inspirational stories of resilience and empowering ideas to elevate your business, And your life, ignite your passion, and fuel your purpose. Oh my goodness, y'all. Thank you for tuning in to True Grit and Grace. This is Amberly, and I— this is a dream come true. I have somebody on my show today for you that is a household name. I've got Jamie Kern Lima here. She is a New York Times bestselling author of Believe It, She has a new book coming out that, y'all, it's so good. I'm going to shout this off the rooftops. It's called Worthy: How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life. She— you may know her as the founder of IT Cosmetics, and I think I need a little IT Cosmetics fix-up here. But I'm so glad, Jamie, that you wrote in your book about perfectionism. So I'm just showing up with some battle wounds and all. She's been featured on Forbes. Oh, by the way, With it, uh, she, she sold that, a billion-dollar deal. So she's been featured in Forbes because she's so successful. I even have your LA Style here. You're on the COVID Oh, you do?

Amberly, I love it.

Oh, and Jamie, wait, wait. I'm, I'm representing today. I've got a Worthy necklace on. Leah gave that to me.

I love it. Oh my goodness. I'm so grateful to be here. Thank you for having me.

I'm so grateful.

Oh my gosh.

I just love you. I'm so excited. I've been a big fan of yours for so long. And I— your book was seriously amazing. I was just showing you before we started recording how I've got things highlighted. I've got sticky notes in it. And I'm just curious, what inspired you to write this book? Mm.

Self-worth. First of all, 80% right now, like, as you— as you and I are talking live right now, 80% of women Don't believe they're enough.

I've been there.

Right? Me too. Most of my entire life, I have not believed I'm enough. And I thought for a long time, if I just achieve enough, then I'll feel enough. And there's so many lies I believed, which is why a big part of this book is about sort of unlearning all the lies that lead to self-doubt and igniting the truths that wake up worthiness. And, you know, when I think about the number, like how 85% of women don't believe they're enough, 75% of female executives, even female executives crushing it right now, deal with imposter syndrome. 91% of girls and women don't love their bodies. And then even when it comes to men, 73% of men feel inadequate. And I just, you know, the time for change has come. And my whole mission with this book is really centered around this idea that in life, like, we don't become what we want, we become what we believe we're worthy of. And our self-worth is our ceiling in every area of life, in our relationships, our friendships, in our businesses, our goals, our dreams. And I talk about this a lot in the book, that how, you know, that we don't soar to the level of our goals and dreams, that we actually stay stuck at the level of our self-worth because our self-worth is our ceiling and that we don't rise to what we believe is possible. We fall to what we believe we're worthy of. change our self-worth, when we build our self-worth, it impacts every single area of our lives, of our relationships, of all of it. And, uh, you know, when I wrote Believe It, my first book, it was really sort of my story and journey of learning to believe in myself. And Worthy is really the playbook on how you believe in you. It's, you know, there's over 20 tools in there on how to build self-worth, including A huge epiphany that I've only had in my life 3 years ago that has changed everything, which is understanding that while self-confidence is so important, important that we're building that forever, that self-confidence is very different from self-worth. And if we don't have—

I love that you talk about that because there's a difference. And I love how you break that down about the difference between self-confidence and self-worth. And I'd love for you to just explain that a little bit because you explain it so well in the book.

Yeah, you know, I, I thought that, you know, they were the same for a long time. And I didn't realize why I even needed to know the difference. And, and I just thought that, you know, I just need to keep building more self-confidence and all the things that build self-confidence, and then I'll finally feel enough. And here is what is so powerful that maybe someone today listening to you and me It's gonna be a massive shift for them. That for anyone listening, and again, a lot of us who are very ambitious will fall into this group, but for anyone who's ever thought, when I finally get that thing, then I'll feel enough, right?

Mm-hmm.

And we think, okay, and for some of us, that thing could be getting married or having kids. It could be a certain job title or our business hitting a certain level or a certain number of social media followers or, you know, a dream car or 3 kids or 6-pack abs. Like, it could be any of those things. But for a lot of us, we think like, oh, when I finally get that thing, oh my gosh, then my life is going to be good. I am going to be fulfilled. I am going to feel enough. I am going to feel happy. And so we work so hard, so hard, so hard, so hard. And for a lot of us, when, if we are blessed enough to have actually gotten the thing, that goal, whatever it is, we arrive at it. And we are like, huh, I thought this was going to solve all my problems. And maybe we are happy for a month or a year or a week or a few hours. But before we know it, we are back to that feeling of like, something is missing.

Mm-hmm.

I still don't feel enough. And so, we think we solve that by like, oh, I just got to achieve more and go harder and harder and harder. And it is a perpetual destination to never feeling enough because in the pursuit of all those things, our goals, our contribution to the world, our ambitions, Those are all really important. They, but all of them build self-confidence. None of them build self-worth. And so many of us will strive our whole lives building self-confidence, but underneath it all, if we do not believe we are enough exactly as we are, not as we achieve, not as our greatest successes, and, and similarly, not as our past mistakes or failures, if we don't understand the difference between self-confidence and self-worth, and we don't learn to believe we are fully worthy exactly as we are, we will either stay stuck, we will sabotage things, or we will actually achieve them but perpetually feel unfulfilled. So, most of my entire life, like, I just thought, I equated love with achievement and success with achievement and all of the things and external recognition and celebration. I thought they would finally, enough of those things would make me feel enough. I had gotten to a point in my life after a whole lot of years of a whole lot of hard work where I thought, why does it still feel like something is missing? And there was a moment where my whole life I had dreamed of meeting Oprah, and I actually did. And it was a wild story of how it happened that I share in Worthy, the book. But when I finally did meet her and had lunch with her, at the very end of it, she gave me her cell phone number. And this was the person I had watched as a little girl and dreamed of meeting my entire life.

Mm-hmm.

And at the moment I had lunch with her, everything was going incredibly well in my life. I had just sold my company for over $1 billion and was on the Forbes list and some of the things that you had shared in the start of our conversation. And I had a whole lot of self-confidence. So, I was sitting there having lunch with her, so self-confident. But what I didn't realize was underneath it all, I didn't have self-worth. I didn't believe I was enough just as who I am. And what happened was she gave me her cell phone number. And I left that day, and I did not call her for four years.

Wow! Oprah gave you her cell phone number. I mean, I watched Oprah as a little girl too, and that was always like, oh my God! I would love to meet Oprah. And she gave you her cell phone number. And what gave you the courage and the self-worth, the feeling that you're worthy enough to finally call her after four years?

Right. Well, here's what I realized after because in that four-year window, I told myself stories like, oh. I am not calling her because I just don't have the perfect thing to say, or, you know, or everyone wants something from her. I am going to prove I don't need anything. You know, I tell myself stories. And one day, 4 years later, I realized the real reason that I didn't call her was because deep down inside, even though I was very confident on the outside, I didn't believe I was worthy of being her friend. And here is what I know is that when I turned down— and this is for every one of us— when we turn down the volume on our doubting mind and our thoughts that tell us lies, all day long that we are not enough and tune into our soul and our knowing and our truth, whether it's through prayer or meditation. Like, my soul knows I'm an amazing friend. Like, Oprah or anyone else would be great, you know, lucky to be my friend. I'm such a good friend. And that was the truth. And that was the day that I decided to turn down the volume, like, on my doubting mind and turn up the volume on my knowing soul that says I'm worthy and more than enough, just like everyone is. But I also realized that day, Amberly, that Oh my gosh, I have done all of these things that have built my self-confidence. And just really quick for everyone listening with us right now, self-confidence, while it is an internal trait and it is very important, it is based so much on external. It fluctuates. It is volatile. It is fragile. It is how we assess our own skills and abilities and our willingness to try and go for it. It is how we feel we compare and stack up to others or how much of the world's definition of success we have. And it is great. All the advertisements, the things we go for in life, they all lead us to to building self-confidence. It's one of the keys to fulfillment in life, along with growth and contribution. But all of that is multiplied by our level of self-worth to ever be fulfilled. And, and self-worth is the deep internal knowing that as you are, are fully enough and worthy of love and belonging, not as your past mistakes or failures, not as your greatest achievements, just you innately. You on your own are enough. And I used to, a lot of people have this fear. Well, if I feel like I'm enough as I am, will I lose my ambition? And it's like, no, the opposite is true. The stronger your self-worth, which is why I wrote Worthy, right? There's 20 tools on how to build self-worth. Your self-worth is your ceiling. So the stronger your self-worth, the more ambitious you become, the more likely you are to just go for things because you know, even if I fall flat on my face, fail, fail trying, fail miserably, it might shake my confidence, right? But it's not gonna touch my self-worth. And so, and the beauty of building strong self-worth is just you're finally able to feel enough and fulfilled as you pursue all the things that you're hoping to share and create and ideate and create and offer in the world. So self-worth is just the one thing that truly does change everything.

It does. And you know what? One of the things I love about your book is that you have all these incredible quotes. And, and so that's one of the things I've really highlighted. But I also like how you have 5 powerful shortcuts to, to self-worth. And by the way, I was taking notes in the very front of your book before I realized you had a whole section in the back of your book to take notes.

Lots of notes. Yeah, there's— I mean, there is so much in this book. So I love seeing all your notes everywhere. Yeah.

Well, can you give us a few of the 5 shortcuts to really, for people to start to build their self-worth? Because, and I'll tell you, I noticed just yesterday I got offered a speaking gig and I turned it down because I knew they were paying other speakers $50,000 and they were going to pay me like a fraction of what my speaking speaker's fee was. And it wasn't even about the money. It was about what it would do to my self-worth. And I was like, That's going to kind of knock me down a little bit. I'm going to say no, and the right opportunity will come along. And it made me think of your book, and you give 5 powerful shortcuts. Can you give us a few of those? I know we're running— we're going to run low on time, and I have a bunch of other questions, but I love that you give these shortcuts.

Yes, of course. And I love that you shared that example, right? Because one of the lies in the book— so in the book, I go into all these lies that lead to self-doubt, and one of them is I don't deserve better. And it's why we would maybe take a way lower speaking fee or why we would stay in an unhealthy relationship because we don't want to be alone in that case, or all of those things, right? So when it comes to the shortcuts to building self-worth, for anyone listening to us right now, just to share quickly to kind of set those up, 3 ways. Because if anyone's listening, they're like, oh wow, I didn't even know self-worth and self-confidence are different. Do I have a self-worth challenge? Like, do I— is that an issue for me? Here's how you know, just kind of set these up, how you know, uh, if self-worth is a challenge. It usually shows up in our lives in one of 3 ways. So if we have really, really low self-worth, for a lot of us that looks like we're stuck. We're stuck and we don't know why. And we think, oh, I just need to get more experience. I need to get more skills and abilities, all the things that build confidence. But what we don't realize is a lot of times we're stuck, uh, because we actually deep down inside don't believe we're worthy. of going after the thing. And so maybe we want a relationship, but we're not getting on the dating app and we don't know why. Or we're not, you know, going out and socializing, or we know we're stuck in a job we don't love and we really wanna launch our own thing and we don't know why we're not doing it. Um, or we love painting and wanna share our art with the world and we're like, but why am I afraid to? And a lot of times we will stay stuck and we will think, oh, I've just gotta get more skills or more experience, but really it's an actual self-worth issue. It's that we don't believe we're worthy. We have a limited belief that tells us we're not worthy of the thing because our self-worth is our ceiling. So feeling stuck, not going for stuff and not knowing why, that's one big sign. And then if you have low to medium self-worth, what that often looks like is we'll actually go for the thing. We'll launch the business, we'll start writing the book, whatever it looks like, but then we sabotage it along the way. We hit a ceiling. We want to have a 7-figure business, or we want to have a 5-figure business, but we stay at 4 figures and we don't know why. We hit a ceiling. We, you know, write the whole first half of the book, but then, or even finish the book, but then we kind of sabotage it and don't send it out. We have this amazing idea, but we find ourselves on Instagram for 8 hours a day. We meet somebody who's an incredible potential partner, And we kind of put them in the friend zone and decide we're not attracted to them. And we don't know why. Like, we will sabotage them. Or in my case, by the way, I had low to medium self-worth, even though I had a ton of self-confidence. And I finally met Oprah and finally had the lunch and then didn't call her for 4 years. Right? Because our self-worth is our ceiling. If you have medium to high self-worth, which a lot of really, really ambitious people fall in this category, you have medium to high self-worth, it looks like you'll go for the thing, you'll make it happen, you'll drive it to the finish line. But then you arrive still feeling like something's missing, still feeling like you're not enough, like it's never enough. And it just— you're perpetually unfulfilled. And a lot of people that are high achievers fall in that group. And so, they end up thinking it's their job's fault or it's their partner's fault that something's missing.

Oh.

And they don't realize that deep, deep, deep down inside, they actually have a self-worth issue. They don't believe they're enough on their own, just as they are, and they don't realize that. So, they're thinking that it's something around them that's what's missing. And so, it's truly the one thing that changes everything. So, there are so many tools and tips in the book and shortcuts that— so, there's one chapter that's all about you know, 5 shortcuts that you can apply really quickly in your life to help building self-worth. And then there's some chapters, Amberly, that are like real powerful tools. There's one on how to overcome and completely change your relationship with rejection and failure, the fear of rejection and failure. It was its own book, but I didn't want to wait 2 more years to put it out. So it's now chapter 2 in Worthy called When You Change Your Relationship with Rejection, You Change Your Entire Life. There's so many tools packed into this book. One of my favorites is this concept of how so many of us think something's wrong with us and that we're odd or strange or different, or we have to change who we are to fit in. We have to be someone other than ourselves to wear the CEO title or to make everyone happy. And it's a whole chapter called You're Not Crazy, You're Just First.

I love that chapter. But there's one part that I also really love because it really hit home for me. And it's about— because I think so many Women base their self-worth on their appearance, on their weight. And I remember, um, when right before I ended my marriage, my first marriage, I looked at my husband. I said, I'll never be thin enough, will I? And he said, no, you won't. And it was like, oh, a dagger in my heart, you know? But it was a wake-up call for me. Like, I'm never going to be enough for him. And I had to do a lot of work to get over that.

Mm-hmm.

What would you tell someone out there who does base their, you know, their, their worth on their weight or how they look or how short or tall they are or just their appearance? What would you say to that?

Yeah, so there's a whole chapter called Don't Wait on Your Weight to Live Your Best Life. And it's about over— I should say, unlearning the lie that somehow our weight or our appearance determines our worth. What I want to say about what you just shared quickly Every one of us, whether it is your ex-husband or anyone else, we can only love another human being, only have the depth of love and connection with another human being as the depth of love and connection we have for ourselves. And when people have an underlying self-worth issue, and 73% of men do, when we have an underlying self-worth issue, and we don't truly love ourselves as who we are, it's the limit and the depth of love we can then love someone else. And so, that comment that he said has nothing to do with you. That has nothing to do with you. And I obviously—

Thank you. I wish I knew that then.

I don't know him, but I can tell you with certainty that that comment has nothing to do with you. What does have to do with you and each and every one of us is that is also true for us, that, that, that, that the depth of love that we— and appreciation and worth that we have within ourselves, that is the limit of the depth of love we can have for anyone else. And a lot of us think, oh, no, no, I'm actually really good at loving my kids and, and, and please, and taking care of everyone else. But what we don't realize, and we think, oh, if I, if I have self-love, I'm selfish. It's like, oh, no. The amount and depth of love and connection that you truly have for yourself, that is the example that you give to everyone else. But it's also the depth of true, authentic connection you can have with them. And so this book really is about unlearning all of these lies that lead to us feeling unworthy. One of those in the book is that our weight determines our worth. And this lie that, you know, that I need to wait on my weight. or appearance or some, or, or the weight of someone else's expectations in order to live my best life, in order to be worthy. And it is staggering when you look at the numbers from 89% of girls and women to 91%. You look at the different studies out there of, of girls and women that will opt out of meaningful activities in their life.

Mm-hmm.

Literally miss out on their own life, not show up to the party, not go to the event, not be in the photo, not get on the dating app, not go out for coffee, et cetera, not put on the swimsuit when they think that somehow the way they look determines their worth. So for me in my life, like I had done a lot of work of overcoming the story I told myself about my rosacea and different sort of physical appearance flaws. And I, you know, built a, a company that has tens of millions of customers who have fundamentally redefined their definition of beauty. I've done all of that and I share in the book Still, throughout all that, I still struggled with that lie that my weight determines my worth. And for many years, I didn't put on a swimsuit. I was leading a company, a billion-dollar business, inspiring tens of millions of women to embrace who they are. And I was doing that in every area of my life, except I still believed this lie that somehow my weight impacted my worth. And It was one moment, Amberly, because as human beings, I know you know this so well, that we are wired to avoid pain at all costs. And, and, and, and for so many of us, we associate the pain of judgment or of all the things. And so we'll just not put on the swimsuit, we'll not do the thing. And there was a moment where my 1-year-old daughter, Wonder, and I and my husband, we were at a public hotel and a big swimming pool and going to take her swimming for the first time.

Oh.

And my plan was to sit out To wear a big old cover-up like I always do and sit on the chair on the side of the pool and watch her go into the pool with him. And I just had this moment hit me like a ton of bricks where I realized, what has waiting on my weight already cost me in my life?

Wow. That just gave me goosebumps.

Right? And for everyone listening to you and me right now, we can say, what has waiting on my weight already cost me? What has self-doubt already cost me in my life? And for so many of us, the answer is way too much. And I imagined if I do not change this belief and if I do not reframe this and if I do not decide I am worthy as I am, the pain of judgment or whatever, that is tiny compared to the pain of regret and the pain of like, what has this already cost me? What has waiting on my weight already cost me in my life? And also, by me not getting in that pool and shaking and jiggling my cellulite with joy, I am teaching my daughter she's not worthy of doing the same. I am robbing another woman of an example of, you know, feeling like freedom and joy.

Yeah.

Worthiness. And so I talk about how to reframe all of it in your life. I love that. And how I reframe that lie and believe in a way you have to believe it in your core. And I talk about how to do that step by step. So now literally I will put on the swimsuit, jiggle my cellulite with joy. I do not believe for a second that my weight determines my worth. And it tastes like freedom when we can do this. So yeah, that's one of over 20 tools in the book about really how do you really unlearn those lies that lead to self-doubt? How do you build that unshakable self-worth? Because if we don't, we will end up doubting ourselves out of our own destiny in life. And so many of the things that that have happened in my life, my greatest, greatest moments almost didn't happen. And a lot of moments never did happen because of self-doubt. So, this is really a book about how to break through all of that and also how to build unshakable self-worth. That's why I called it Worthy, because I'm like, this is the thing. It's the one thing that just changes everything. Like, you want to double your business, double your self-worth. You want to double your net worth, double your self-worth. Like, it the one thing, that self-worth, that becomes our ceiling.

Well, thank you for sharing that. And yeah, honestly, like, I was helping, uh, our mutual friend Leah get set up. She was at the Dallas market, and I was helping her getting set up, and I was like, can you believe it? I am gonna finally get to talk to Jamie and have her on the podcast. This has been a dream of mine, and I've got 2 black eyes and 8 stitches in my head. And she goes, She is gonna, she's gonna love you. She's gonna get it. And, but really it's because of what you share in the book that I'm like, well, I'm still gonna show up because I've got some self-worth after reading this book.

I love it. Yes. Yes.

I love it. Yes.

I'm not kidding.

And, um, I just, this is seriously a book that's gonna inspire, that's gonna really uplevel people's businesses, relationships, their lives in every way, because there are so many tools. There's so many like quotable things. Like I said, I've highlighted so many things, and so I'm so excited for you in this book. And I know I could talk to you for another for hours and hours because there's so much goodness. And I have like pages of notes to ask you. We'll have to have you come back on when I'm at my studio sometime and you're in Dallas. But tell everybody where they can find your book. And where they can find you, because if you're not already following Jamie, you need to follow this lady. I mean, I'm sure you've seen her speak with Tony Robbins and maybe seen her with Oprah, but follow her on Instagram and tell us where they can find your book and where they can really connect with you more.

Yes, so so worthy is well worthy is available anywhere books are sold. Target, independent stores, bookstores, Audible. But and and I'm donating 100% of the proceeds, all of my author royalties, everything 100%. donated. And I don't even sell anything on my site, but at worthybook.com, there's lots of free thank you gifts and a ton of resources and stuff I did to kind of go with the book. So worthybook.com is a really great place. And then I'm on Jamie Kern Lima on Instagram and YouTube as well, @jamiekernlimaofficial. And I'm just honored and grateful to be here. And Amberly, I am so grateful you showed up. And this is an honor for me to be on your show. And I'm really grateful. And I would love to do a part 2. I would love to do a part 2 as well.

Yes, I would love that.

Yeah. And seeing you mark up that book and all your notes and all your highlights fills my soul. So I love it so much. And I just believe this book will— I did a— it's funny, I just got the very first hardcover copy hot off the press. And I did this library card in the very back, like old school library card, because my dream is that when When one woman gets it, she writes her name in, reads the whole book, then passes it on to another woman and getting a full library card. Because I just have this vision, like, no girl, no woman, no person left behind and knowing they're worthy. And I just think about the unhealthy relationships that will end and the businesses that'll be launched and the ideas and talent that'll be shared with the world. So, thank you for helping me get Worthy out into the world. I'm super grateful.

It's amazing. And I am blown away by your poem in the back of the book, by the way. I am just blown away at how well this book is put together. And one last question. How long did it take you to write this book? Because I just signed a new book deal. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm freaking out a little bit. But this book is seriously, it's unbelievable. How long did it take you to write this?

It's been the last 3 years, the last 3 years of my life. But I find books are different. With Believe It, my first book, and both were like divine downloads, honestly. But with Believe It, my first book, I binge ate Lucky Charms with sob in my eyes out. And the entire first draft was done in 2 weeks.

Wow.

And I just think they're all different. You know, they kind of just are these offerings out to the world that come out. And however, and my hope and prayer is just that Worthy is exactly what somebody needs right now. Because when we believe we are enough, it just, it changes everything, everything. And I hope that everyone listening and watching you and I will share with you, Amberly, and me as well, just like your favorite takeaways, your favorite stories, and how the book has impacted your life. And then when you get yours, please share it with someone else when you're done. If you can't share it because you have a million highlights and you just want to reread it, then just tell someone about it. That would be amazing because I think—

Oh, I'm just going to buy— this is my copy. I'm just going to buy it for my mastermind people and my friends because it's that good. And I just thank you for your time. I know you've got such a busy, busy, busy crazy, eventful, fun-packed schedule for your book launch. And I just appreciate you taking the time to be on True Grit and Grace. And y'all take a screenshot and tag me @AmberlyLagoMotivation and Jamie Kern Lima. And when I see that, I put it back in my story. Thank you for tuning in. And Jamie, I love you. Thank you so much for being on the show. And I can't wait to see— I'm going to see you at an event next week, so I can't wait to see you. You too.

Yes.

Your neck.

Okay, me too, me too. I cannot wait. And thank you so much.

Thank you. Bye.