Finding Harmony in Life: A New Approach to Balance
Anthony Goldner argues balance is a myth and proposes harmony instead: being fully present in each life domain. He walks through a nine-step playbook for busy professionals, including putting family first, saying no to non-essentials, and abandoning perfectionism.
Chapters
Push higher, go deeper, love longer, be stronger. We'll keep climbing up the mountain. It's deeper than you know. Welcome to the Infinite Goal Podcast. Today we've got some Friday fuel for you. It's exactly as it sounds. We're going to fuel your fire with some tactics and some tools that are going to benefit you and get you to that next level. The topic for today is on work-life, personal, the all of it together and the balance that we have with it. Do you normally feel overwhelmed and feel like something just is always falling through the cracks? Well, you're not alone. The majority of us, myself included, battle with this on a daily basis. I'm a lot better now than I used to be. And one of the tools that I have changed is that word balance. We need to get rid of the word balance from our vocabulary when it comes to work, personal, family, all of it, because you're never ever going to be balanced. And you, in essence, don't want to be balanced. What I like to use instead of balance is more of harmony. You want to be harmonious and you want to be all in on whatever it is that you're doing. So if you're at home, You're all in with your family. If you're at the beach with your family, you're all in with them. You're not bringing your work with you. You're not bringing your suitcase. You're not bringing your tablet. You're not bringing work to the beach with you. Let's say you go out to dinner with your wife. You leave your phone in your pocket. If you can't do that, leave your phone in the car. That's another way. Put your phone on airplane mode. Do whatever you need to do so you are all in on whatever it is that you're doing at that given time. Trust me, it is not easy. It's something that I've been fighting for, for a couple of years now. I've just in the last couple of months really been focusing on more of all in wherever I am. One thing that you need to do is you need to create a priority list. What is your priorities? The majority of people, if you ask them, do you prioritize your family or do you prioritize work? Like, which one's more of your priority? They're all going to say family. Everyone prioritizes their family. They all love their family. They all want to be there for their family. They all want to give back to their family. But the problem is that's not what their actions are producing. Their actions are showing them that they prioritize work above them. They've got work and then maybe their kids and then maybe something else, and then they have their wife or their husband and they have fallen when they actually need to be back at the top. You need to prioritize your family. They need to be number one in your life because you're living this life with them and you don't want to prioritize work so much that it becomes a point where your family's forgotten about you. Your family doesn't know who you are. You've changed. Let's say you've started growing out a beard and they don't even know because they don't even see you. You're at work all the time. Now I understand a lot of entrepreneurs, startups, they get fixated that I have to work, I have to work. And if I work so much right now, in 5 years, we're going to be set and everything's going to be great. Yeah, well, your kids don't really give a rat's ass about 5 years from now. They care about right now, right where your feet are right now. What are you doing for them right now? Toddlers. They're not going to care what happens in 5 years from now. The only thing that they're going to care about is what you're doing for them right now. That goes for also your significant other. They care about right now. They care about how you are producing for them right now. Yes, they do want this legacy. Yes, they do want generational wealth. Yes, they do want to be set up, but they also want you. They want you there. So you need to prioritize in your life in that order. And stick to it. That also moves on to the next part is saying no to non-essentials. We have a bad habit right now of saying yes to everything. Your friends, yes. You want to go out with me? Yes, I do. Let's go get some drinks. I have to provide for them. Your family says, can we go to the movies? Yes, yes. You go to the movies and you provide to them. And then your work says, hey, I need you to hold over because I need you to do X, Y, and Z. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to do that because that's going to help me get to the next level. You see how fast I just said all of that and how much that just became extremely convoluted? That's your life right now. You need to prioritize what is more important to you and say no to the non-essentials. Now, I'm not saying to say no to everything and to say no to everybody. That's not— but you need to narrow it down into what's most important to you at that given time. If your family's the most important, you need to tend to them. If your work is important because you need to get to the next level, tend to that. If your friends are more important because you haven't seen them all, tend to that. You need to tend to whatever is the most important at that given time. And that's why this word balance does not work because you can't be balanced in everything. It's not going to work. Because if you think about that, let's just say we have business, we have personal life, And we have friends. Obviously there's a lot more things, but let's just stick with those 3, right? 3 into 100% of you is 33%. Okay. Some people are going to get that and they're going to like that 33, um, 33%, right? So you're only giving 33% to every single one of those if you're balanced. That's not good. That's not enough. Your wife is not going to like that. Your kids are not going to like that. Work's not going to like that. Your friends aren't going to like that. So you need to be all in and wherever it is. On top of that, the one thing that didn't talk about just now is self-care. That's you. What are you doing for yourself? What are you doing for your health? What are you doing for your fitness, your nutrition? What are you doing for your mindset? What are you putting into your mind on a daily basis? Are you feeding it with rap music? Are you feeding it with country music? Are you feeding it with that, this new country music that I don't even think is country music, it's like pop music? And then the problem is, is are you feeding the exact same song that you listened to last week and that you listened to the week before and the week before that? See, you're just funneling the same exact constant nonsense, nonessential stuff into your life. Start thinking about what you're actually putting into it. Are you reading books? Are you listening to books? We have so much time throughout our day while we're driving, while we're at work and we have downtime, whether or not we're in the gym, whether or not we're walking around a grocery store. There's so many options. There's so many times where you could be listening to an Audible and you could be feeding your mind with information that's going to benefit you. That's self-care for yourself. Are you also going to the movies maybe by yourself? Just that time alone for yourself. Or if you're ladies or you're going to get your nails done, you're getting your manis, your pedis? Are you going to the salon, getting your hair done? Are you looking good so you feel good about yourself? Men, are you going to the gym? Are you going to the shooting range? Are you doing— you going hiking, fishing? Are you doing stuff for yourself? And again, that could cross over, depends on what you like, but are you doing what benefits you? You can't take care of other people. You can't be there for other people if you're not taking care of yourself first. You really need to focus on yourself as well. So that way you can help others. Everybody has this analogy and they talk about it is when you're flying, they always tell you to put the gas mask on yourself first before you put it on your family, before you put it on your kids. And that's because if you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of them? If you're not going to live, you can't keep them living. Okay. So that goes for your health and that goes for your self-care. You really need to also be open and communicate more. Let's say you have a huge big project at work. That needs to get done, and that's going to get you that next level. That's going to maybe get you that promotion, or maybe that the side business you really need to hone in this week. I just need to go balls to the walls this week, hammer out some things, and we're going to get to the next level with the business. Communicate that with your wife, communicate that with your family, communicate that with your kids. Let your kids know what you're doing. If you're going out and let's say next month you're speaking every single weekend, because you know that's going to get you to that next level, that's going to get you that bigger stage. Tell your kids, tell your wife, hey, this month I really need to hammer down the professional side of things. I really need to hammer down all of these speeches. It's going to get me to the next level. It's going to get me that connections. It's going to get me that networking. And we're going to be better off because of it. But I promise you, after that, I will take a week off. I'm going to take a couple of weeks off and we're going to be together. We're going to go to the beach. We're going to go on a a mini vacation. You also don't need to go on these extravagant 3 days, 1 week vacations. Take a day or 2, take 1 day, go to the beach, go to a cabin, do something that's with you and just the family. And then again, all electronics, work, everything goes off to the side. That'll allow your family to be more in tune and be more loving towards you when you do go spend those times to business. And you go spend those times with work because you're not necessarily balancing, but you're being harmonious with everything. And you're focusing on them when you're focusing on them and you're not focusing on work and vice versa. Be more communicative with your wife, your husband, significant other, your kids, and with work. Let your work know, hey, I've been with you guys for 5, 6 years. I've nonstop worked. I need to take a week. I need to be with my family. You need to communicate those things. And if they're not open to that, that's not the business for you. That's not the company to work for. You need to make sure that they're open to you being 100% with them when you're working and also 100% with your family and friends when you're with them. Delegate tasks. This is a big thing. This is one of the issues that I definitely had an issue with is I always want to do everything on my own. I don't want to delegate tasks. I had this mindset and it's probably an ego mindset, which you think that you're better than everybody else. Not necessarily that., but you think nobody else can do the task as well as you because you know the task better than anything. That's not true. Okay. Learn to delegate tasks. And that's what I've had to do is I've had to learn to bring other people on board. I've had to learn to communicate with other people, express to them what I want and have them carry it out rather than me trying to do everything. Because if you're trying to do everything, again, you're not going to be balanced. If you're trying to do everything at work, well, that's going to come home with you. That's going to come with you in other areas because you're still having to do stuff. But if you learn to start delegating tasks to different employees, to different businesses, third-party businesses, that allows you to have more time. Then now you have that time to spend with your family, friends, other places. You need to learn to delegate tasks. On top of that, you're not alone. A lot of people, and I felt this too when I was trying to build my businesses and grow, is I kind of felt alone. I felt like nobody else is going through this pain. This is just me. It was almost like a poor me attitude, which is a horrible idea and it's a horrible place to be. Luckily I got out of it. Yeah, every now and again I still think like, this is just, it's only happening to me. No, it happens to everybody. It happens to every entrepreneur, every startup. You're not alone. One thing you really need to take into account is again, taking that delegating tasks. So you're not alone. And then also community. You need to find a community that is super beneficial to whatever it is that you're doing. If it's in real estate, find real estate communities that you can connect with. If you're a tradesman, find a community that's for that tradesman. As if you're an auto body shop, find auto body shop communities. They are out there. If you think there's not a community out there for your business or for your trade, You're wrong. Trust me. There's this thing called Google. Google it. You will find it. Use an AI. Bet you an AI is going to find a ton of communities. Find a community of like-minded individuals and they will help you. They will be there as support. They'll be there to tell you what to do and what not to do. Especially if you get a mentor in that field who's been doing it for say 10, 15, 20 years, they're going to help streamline you. And they're going to tell you, hey, I did all of these issues wrong here. Don't do any of these. If you skip past all of these issues and you start here, you're basically going to reduce the timeframe of you getting to that next level significantly. We like to say that you're going to reduce those decades into days, months. Or so maybe something that would have taken you 10, 15 years to do alone, you're now having a community and like-minded individuals to help you along the way. Maybe it only takes you 1, 2, 3 years at the most. That's now time savings. Again, now you can spend more time with other people. Another thing to be is you gotta embrace flexibility and be adaptable to things. Life is going to throw curveballs at you. It is 100% a rollercoaster ride, especially for my entrepreneur people out there. It is not going to be smooth. It is going to go up. And then down and then up and then down. The idea is, is from here it's going to go up and now it's going to come down just slightly and then it's going to go back up a little bit higher than it was and then slightly down. So it's going to go, but you want it to go up in this direction. When you're down, just know you stay consistent, you stay persistent, and you will come back up. Don't get down on yourself when you're in the down, in the lows, because you will create a further low and you will drop lower than you should have dropped had you been more consistent in all of your daily actions and all the work that you're doing and you were persistent and you persevered through those tough times because there's going to be tough times. From that, that's where you're going to develop the resilience. All right. You don't want it to be easy. If it's easy for you, you will never have the resilience to handle something when something big happens because something big is going to happen. It may happen today, it may happen in a week from now, a month from now, a year from now. And that's the other thing too that they say, and it's very smart, is make a mistake now when it doesn't cost as much money. When your business is bigger, when you're a bigger individual, the mistakes cost a lot more money. So let's make those mistakes now, create resilience, and be better now than we would be in the future. And with that, You need to practice gratitude. You need to be grateful for what you have right now. And that's going to help with that harmonious state. Again, getting rid of balance, that harmonious state. If you have gratitude for what you have right now with you, you're not going to be too worried about 20 years from now, 15 years from now. We need to get out of this mindset of what if, or I just need to make a million dollars. I just need this client. I just need to lose 20 pounds. I just need, I just need, I just need. If you continue to go in that circle, you're, you're not living the life that you need to live right now. That goes for your family. Your family does not care again about 5, 10, 15, 20 years from now. They care about right now. They care about what you're doing for them and for yourself right now. Same thing for your job. Job does not really care 20 years from now. They care about what are you doing for them and what is happening right this exact second. And lastly, perfectionism. We need to get rid of it. All right. Stop trying to be a perfectionist. As you could see, this is my office. This is inside of my house. I don't have this big studio. I have my vision board that does— it's not even full right now. I still have another mic stand that's just sitting right here. I've got my bookshelf. I've got my challenge coins. This is it. This is not a multi-six-figure studio. This isn't this wazoo thing. I have an okay mic, not that expensive. I have an okay camera, not that expensive. And I have my screens. You need to just start. Get the basic stuff of whatever it is that you're trying to do and just start. Stop trying to be a perfectionist and that I need the greatest and the best stuff, and I need all the knowledge. And that's the other thing. You're never going to have all the knowledge. You're never going to have all the experience. And do you know where the majority of the experience comes from? You're right. On the job experience. Like, I'm going to, I just keep thinking to myself, as my wife and I, Bri, amazing individual, we make these podcasts, we would talk about this as like, Imagine a year from now, 2 years from now, when we look back at like these beginning podcasts, we're going to look at each other and be like, wow, that was horrendous. Why did we even put that out? Why did anyone even look at this? Why did anyone even listen to us for that matter? But to get to that level, you have to do the work. And that's another thing too, is you need to do what's comfortable for yourself and then go 1 or 2 notches above that. You will not grow by being comfortable. You're not going to grow by being balanced. You need to get out of your comfort zone. And that was what we were thinking about when we were starting this podcast was, is, as you know, on Tuesdays, every Tuesday at 5:00 AM, a new podcast is dropped. It's dropped on all the podcast channels as well as on YouTube. And those are our interviews. That's every single Tuesday. We decided that why just do one podcast a week when we could do 2. Maybe you guys are going to get some bonus weeks and you're going to get 3, but you're going to get a minimum of 2. So just think about that. If you do 1 podcast a week, that's 52 weeks in a year. That's 52. Now imagine if you did 104, you double it, and then maybe every now and again you do a third. So let's just say we hit 120 podcasts in a year. Just imagine how much better you're going to be. In a year of doing 120 podcasts versus 52 or versus only 12 because you decided just to do once a month and then you got scared and maybe even only did less and you only did 6. Let's get rid of that. Again, we need to get out of the state of trying to be balanced and trying to be comfortable. Let's not do it. Let's be harmonious in life and let's be all in on everything we're doing right now. I am all in on this podcast, right in this sphere. This is podcast, podcast, podcast. Once I leave here, I'm going to go pick up Jackson and Laney, and then I'm going to be all in on the family, all in. So the phone is going to be put off to the side. I'm not going to answer it. I'm going to be all in with them. When I go to work tomorrow, all in on work. Nothing else. That is how you can be harmonious in your life and you can reach those dreams and those goals that you have. Now, I'd like to thank you for being part of the Friday Fuel. You're going to get a couple more of these of just me or just Bri, and then obviously you're going to see the dual one of both of us. Let me know what you think, whether or not you like them, you don't like them, and let me know what topics you want to hear. If there's a specific topic Leave it in the comments, DM me or my wife on Instagram. Let us know what you like, what you don't like, and please, please like it, share it, comment, the works. You don't like it, don't share it, and then we don't have to worry about it. You don't have to be on the next one, or you can like it and share it and help us out. All right. Thank you so much. Have a great weekend and we'll see you guys on Tuesday.
