From Frustration to Flow: Unlocking Effective Communication in Every Area of Life

Hey, welcome back to the Infinite Gold Podcast. It is your show hosts, Bri and Anthony Goldner. How are you doing, baby?

I'm good, I'm good. I can't complain. Got my tea for the night. Water this time in my Bison Union mug. Delicious.

I think everybody can hear the slurping in our microphones.

Yeah, probably.

Apologies, people. Sorry.

So today, mastering the art of communication. That's the big topic for today. So throughout this podcast, I really wanted us to kind of dive deep into what kind of communication skills we've learned in the past couple of years that have really transformed the way we network with people. The way we communicate with friends, family, and then especially the way we communicate with ourselves. One of the big things that you and I are working on right now is the communication of being both business partners as well as husband and wife. So I feel like that's been like the biggest headache slash challenge that we're going through right now that I know most likely there's a lot of people out there that, you know, we know real estate agents, it's a husband and wife duo. Mm-hmm. There's coaches out there, husband and wife duo. So there's a lot of people that are balancing that act of both working together on the business as well as on our relationship.

Yeah. And I was, I was just thinking too, like of other, uh, couples that are also in the same boat where they're entrepreneurs and also married.

Yeah.

Like our friends at Diamond H Ranch.

Yeah, exactly.

That's another, and they're, and they got kids. So like, feel like we're literally like in the same boat, just different industries.

Yeah. So what's the importance of clarity and conciseness when we're trying to communicate on the various levels?

I think it's bringing clarity to certain topics that we want to address with one another. And being, again, bringing clarity to what it is that we're bringing to the table. If we're, if we've got an issue that we're struggling with, we have, we're breaking it down for the other person that way. It's easier to process and maybe easier for them to understand where the other person's coming from, and it allows them to be able to communicate on their end and respond in a way that makes sense. Yeah, no, 100% makes sense, if that makes sense.

Yeah, what, what it is, is like, for me, that's really helped for the clarity and conciseness is When you're not— when you don't have clarity in it and you're not concise, what usually that is coming from is because you have let something build up for too long. So now there's no longer clarity because you're adding in so much details to it and then it's not concise anymore. So it's almost like if I waited to tell you about— I don't know, let's see, um, I can't think of something off the top of my head. You've annoyed me lately, because really we've got—

we know each other every day.

Yeah, we've gotten past quite a few things. Um, well, I mean, one of the things, okay, was that again, this was what, a year ago now, um, was the dirty diapers.

Oh, right.

So if I'm not showing clarity as to what's bothering you and I'm not being concise with it, I'm letting something, you know, prolong for too long, it's going to come down as like an atom bomb on you rather than me just being clarifying it and being concise right off the bat as to what was the issue. Yeah, the issue was never even that, and it was just me putting in ideas in my head as to why you're leaving a dirty diaper behind, right? AKA something happened with the kids, AKA you got a phone call. Like, there's a number of things, but in my mind it goes straight to, oh, she's just doing it on purpose. And it's like, okay, we need to get rid of that. Again, completely different topic of things, but that's where the being concise in understanding of what's happening is what can solve a lot of issues right off the bat, right?

And I think, well, like, letting all— like, you're talking about things that stack up.

Yeah.

Uh, so not opening up and talking about things right away, and then the, the feeling and the emotion that, like, triggers you and, like, upsets you just lingers, and then you start tacking on other things. And then when you— when things do come out, there's that la—

there's—

it's all mixed up in mumbo jumbo. There's zero clarity. And you're like trying to figure out puzzle pieces. Like, why is she— why, why is she this upset? Like, what is she really upset about? Not why, but not, not always why, but what, what is it that she's upset about? Or what is it that he's upset about? When we're not being clear on like what it is that we're, you know, dealing with.

Yeah, well, it's, it, it's like you said, you start adding in other little things and then you're like, wait, now I'm just so confused and lost.

Yeah, well, and whatever it was that you were upset about, maybe you weren't as frustrated about it as you would be if you had like addressed it right away and if you communicated right away and clearly— clearly a word? I don't know, I just made it up, but I like it. It was clearly discussed or like displayed. All the feelings get built up and now it's a bomb of emotions that just went off because not just the initial thing that you were bothered by that you didn't communicate, or that you didn't communicate properly, everything else got tacked onto it and then it made everything else blow up. And really, in reality, maybe it wasn't that big of a deal in your mind, but then because of everything else, you know.

Yeah, I think the biggest tool that we've done to alleviate a lot of that, that people can take, you know, try with yourself is like lately at dinner table, like obviously, uh, that's one big focus that I've been working on is not having my phone at the table, actually not even really having my phone around when I get home from work. Um, unless it's something, some pressing issue, obviously the work phone is with me 24/7 because it has to be, but the personal phone, like I'm not on it. So at dinner table, we're discussing the day, we're discussing what happened, we're discussing what frustrations we have with the day, what great things we have with the day. So it kind of alleviates a lot of those possible future issues because we're already discussing things. Yeah. So it doesn't even come up.

Yeah. When we're making it a habit of reconnecting at the end of our days. Yeah. Like exactly what you said. What went well? What didn't go well? Like, you know, what would, you know, what's your game plan for the next day? Like, how are we gonna improve whatever? You know?

Yeah.

Et cetera. I think that would, that's, that's been a, a good staple that we've added into our routines.

Yeah.

Of reconnecting at dinnertime.

Yeah. And it just goes back to also like mastering the art of active listening. Like, yeah. Being able to not just sit at the dinner table and discuss our day, but actively listen to the other person. Like, did they have some frustrations? Like, did they have issues throughout the day? Did they have a great day? And like, actually like participating in that and not just going through the motions. Like, if anything, that's probably worse than not even doing it.

Yeah.

It's like the fake caring and the fake going through the motions. Like, don't do that. Don't play that game. Like, it is not going to end well at all.

Mm-hmm. No, I agree with that 100%. I had something that I was thinking about and It's kind of talking about the day, but off topic in a way. So, but I'm gonna bring it up. Um, wow. Why am I drawing such a blank right now? Mom brain. You know what? It'll come to me. But if anything, I just gave everybody a good laugh. Like, Bri, what are you talking about?

Or just gonna get rid of that long pause. Yeah. So they won't even know that there was that long pause. That's the best part about editing.

This is why I don't like, wouldn't wanna do a live. Yeah.

Live could be interesting.

Oh, although, although. I have been doing lives.

Yeah, and you've been killing it. Yeah, let's, let's tap into that since we're talking about communication and mastering the art of it. How has it— how long— how, how has it been going for you? Because how many have you done now?

Um, roughly week and a half, almost 2 weeks.

Okay, and how many of them have you done roughly?

What do you mean?

Like how many lives?

How many lives?

Yeah.

Yeah, the equivalent to like a week and a half. So, so like 10 to like 12 days, I think.

Okay.

I'll have to, I'll have to go back and look, but I think starting, well, starting it was obviously the hardest part. And I just want to say like, if there's anybody out there who has been thinking about, you know, wanting to go live on, on their social media because they are trying to create a presence or be seen, share something about their business, share some of their wisdom, what have you. Uh, just going on and showing your face. And even though you're not talking to anybody or doesn't seem like you're talking to anybody, when people start popping in, um, as you go, yeah, it's a little nerve-wracking, but also just learning that showing up as your most authentic self and being you is the most important. Don't try it. Don't try to be anybody that you're not because trying to be something that you're not is way harder of an act. Than, uh, than trying— than trying to be yourself, than just being yourself. And that is something that I learned from Jen Gottlieb.

Yeah. So one of the things that I think is like huge about it, like you mentioned, yeah, if you're trying to get presence, you're trying to brand awareness, but in general, like just getting comfortable, getting comfortable in front of the camera and being—

yeah, exactly. So the more that I've done it, each time that I've done it, I've felt a little bit more and more comfortable. Is it still uncomfortable? Heck yeah, it is. It's still uncomfortable for me. It's still something new. I've only been like almost 2 weeks into doing this, but my intention is to do it every day and just get better at it. That way I get to look back at my— those recorded videos or those recorded lives and say, well, shit, look where I came from, right? Look where I started and look where I'm at now. And it just, you know, something to share with people is, hey, like track your progress because you don't know really like how far you've come until you have something to look back at and then you can really pat yourself on the back and give yourself credit for what you did accomplish.

Yeah. What I love about you doing it is like you're discussing what you're going through right then and there.

Yeah.

So like if there's somebody else out there that's going through the same struggles or going through the same issues, like you're right there explaining it to it. Like there's so many people out there who post on Instagram, they post on Facebook, TikTok, or whatever, they show like the, the befores and the afters, but there's nothing about in the in-between. Yeah, like that's where the magic happens. That's where all of the good stuff and everything that happens is from right there. Like, I don't care what you look like and what you're doing now, the befores and afters, I want to know like the middles because that's, that's where we get the information.

It's like the good, the bad, the ugly, whatever. It's, it's all the in-between, the messy shit that nobody talks about. And I think that's important for people to be able to see or like resonate with, like, hey, okay, there is such thing as that messy middle. I think, because I think the best way to describe it is messy middle.

Yeah.

And I think just the, the process in general, it's, it's not meant to be perfect.

No.

And it's not meant to be a straight line.

What's a tactic that you've been doing recently? Because I know you're going back and forth on the, oh, I gotta do it in the morning, I gotta do in the afternoon, I gotta do this. Like, how, how did you just break free from that to just do it? Like, if there's somebody out there that's either trying to do their podcast, trying to go live, or just make videos in general, like, what's— what can they do?

So again, I'm still working, I'm still working at this, but right now, just to, just to build the consistency of doing it every day. And I haven't set a time yet because right now I'm just still in that phase of trying to get comfortable with it. And who knows, it may be uncomfortable for a longer period of time. But honestly, for me right now, it feels like it's just getting that much easier every time I do it. So I, it almost excites me to like now get on because I'm like, oh, I had some, I had a really good thought today and I wanna share it with everybody. And so then, you know, I get to show that enthusiasm and show my excitement with people on what it is I have to discuss. But to kind of answer your question of. What I'm doing to kind of get that going, I guess, is do it when I think about it. Do it when I think about it. It might not be at the same time every day, but it's building the consistency muscle. Yeah, I think for me, because once I get used to just doing it every day, eventually I'm going to fall into a, a timeframe where I'm like, hey, this is a good time. I'm going to jump on. I'm going to start jumping on at this time. Every day. And if something comes up, because life happens, you know, we've got two toddlers. If I can't end up doing it at that time where I'm, you know, uninterrupted for my 8 to 10 minutes, sometimes it goes on 15, maybe 20 minutes. Depends on what I'm talking about and how invested I get into this and how deep I go. Um, it's gonna, you know, we'll, we fluctuate, it might fluctuate, but the goal is to just do it every day and not aim for perfection and just And for the consistency.

Gotcha. I like it. So what's, what's a tactic or what's, what's been working for, and I've, and I'll say mine as well, but for between you and I, like when we're navigating those difficult conversations, like if there's something that is like really bugging you, like what, what have you done either mentally to, you know, break from not having the conversation to actually having the conversation?

I think. Because I've— those hard conversations are hard conversations at times.

Yes.

And I think it's finding the courage to just speak exactly what you're thinking and not hold back. But also at the same time, you're like, say what you're thinking, but say it in a respectful manner and make sure that you're communicating it clearly.

And concise.

And yeah, clearly and in a concise way. Uh, so that way you're getting your message across. And I think in a way it allows you to process what you're saying and what, and what you're feeling. And it helps the other person to get it processed as well as they're listening to you, as they're learning to actively listen to you.

Yeah. I mean, it. The biggest, the biggest thing that I know has helped me is just our constant communication.

Yes.

Like, when you communicate more, and it gets easy in general, just, it's easy just to communicate with what you have on your mind, whatever you have in your heart. Like, it's easy to, to speak it up and to talk about because you've been talking about everything or little things constantly. So it's not like it's this big out of the blue thing because we're not talking. But since we actively talk literally every single night about how our days are, like, it makes it very easy just to also talk about something that may be bothering us because we're already talking. Like, if you're not talking at all and you're not communicating at all, then that's a problem. Yeah, well, for starters, yes, that's a huge problem. But number two, it's gonna be hard to talk about things because you're not even talking, right? So like, you gotta— like, if you've got hard things that you want to talk about or there's hard stuff on your chest, what you got to do is you got to start small. Just like with anything, start small and just start communicating. Now, as you start communicating and you start building up, then you can talk about those hard things and it's gonna be a lot easier.

Yeah. And there, there's a, I feel like a right and a wrong way to do it, if you will.

Yeah.

Like I know, I mean, there's, it's not like black and white, but I, there's, it can be complicated sometimes, but you just have to, I, I like, I think for me, If there's times where I'm struggling to get something out, to talk to you about something, and I don't really do this now, but I, I think I used to, I've done it in the past a time or two and it kind of helped me. And then I was allowed, it allowed me to really gather everything that I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it is I would write it down because it's easy to get caught in the moment and clouded by your emotions and by your feelings.

That's really good right there.

And then you forget what you want to say. And how you want to say it. Yeah, you know, so you may have it like all mapped out in your brain preemptively, and then it's, it's almost like getting stage fright. Yeah, like honestly is the best way to describe it for me. It's like you almost get stage fright and then you forget what it is that you're gonna say or the point that you were trying to make. Yeah, you know, so writing it down has definitely been something to help me. Like even if I don't use it to like read from, to read to you. Yeah, like writing it down, um, is something like— because I'm a kinesthetic type of learning person, I, I learn better and I absorb information better when I write things. I read it and I, I speak it. I'm all the— I'm all the things when it comes to remembering, you know, what it is. But that's, yeah, like, I think that was a kind of cool tactic to try.

It also comes down to ego. Like, yeah, is your ego getting—

get off your high horse.

Yeah. If your ego is getting in the way, or, and you know that that's what it is, well then maybe that's not even a topic that needs to be discussed. Maybe it's literally just you.

Yeah.

So writing it down, I think, is great. I mean, it just comes back down to, you know, daily journaling that we recommend to everybody, weekly journaling, monthly journaling. Like, you're writing things down that you need to discuss, you're writing down things that you need to do for work, business, personal. The works. Yeah, by writing it down, you're really going to find out, oh, maybe that was just a dumb topic and did not need to— I didn't even need to have that conversation.

Or maybe, maybe, maybe it was some made-up story, made-up shitty movie in your head that you were overthinking some shit. Yeah, that wasn't even true, wasn't even happening, wasn't even anything that was on the other person's mind.

No, not at all. That's good. I like that. Because then that could just open up some more cans of worms that did not need to happen, didn't need to be open. No, exactly.

Yeah, stupid stories.

So as you are now speaking more, you're, you're doing these lives, and now you're thinking about, for example, we have a big stage coming up. What are some like communication styles or like that you have implemented or like learned where you're going to be able to, you know, tailor who you're talking to. Like, I know you want to talk to kids and you want to talk to teenagers and what have you. Like, what communication styles should people be aware of, or how should they speak when they're talking to certain groups of people?

Well, I think I've learned that it's reading the room and paying attention to your audience.

That's so good.

Reading the room and paying attention to your audience and know who's listening. Obviously you're gonna speak a different way if you were speaking to the adolescents versus the adults. Yeah, because maybe there's verbiage that you use that the kids don't understand or teenagers don't understand yet. I mean, don't get me wrong, kids can be freaking smart these days, but yeah, you know, maybe not using such like big words. Yeah, yeah. But even adults these days, I feel like, struggle, struggle with big words.

Then again, they got ChatGPT, so they'll just look it up.

That's, that's true. But you know what, today we're a little bit more advanced than we were when they were kids and teenagers.

Yeah.

Um, but yeah, no, that's— I think that's one of the things, really. And for me, I think speaking from like a mom standpoint, it allows me to connect with other moms and other women in the room, um, because of a— I feel like the vulnerability— excuse me— vulnerability that I open up and share on another level. And I think it allows them to be like, wow, I've been there. And they connect to it. Yeah, they can connect to it and they feel it like, oh, she's talking to me, you know. And I think allowing for— what I've also learned with the speaking is allowing for those pauses and to not talk so fast. Yeah, because— and I learned this from I think it's Ask Vin. I think he's on Instagram. Yeah, I did, I did one of his, uh, one of his live trainings, um, for free that he offered. It was like a 2-hour thing and I, I had a lot to take from it and actually some notes that I want to review and that I need to reveal because it was really helpful. Um, but he talked about like the power of the pause and like when you pause and you're not talking so fast, you leave room for people to process what you're talking about. And I had put myself in the audience member's shoes. Like if I'm at an event and I'm listening to speakers, do I process it better when they're talking really fast about whatever this X, Y, and Z topic?

Mm-hmm.

Or am I able to absorb and learn and process the information a lot better?

Yeah.

When people talk slower and when they leave room for the pauses to process. That's something else that I really— that I learned that I found helpful.

That's so good. And to piggyback off of that, inflection, like just the way you speak and how you have different inflections and highs and lows and actually speaking from the heart. You can really tell somebody when they truly believe in what they have to say, when they're— when they're speaking from their heart. If they're just speaking like excitedly and fast, Maybe they're believing, they're excited about it, but maybe they are just speaking just to speak. Like when you've got the roller coasters of the inflections, almost like if you're singing, but you're doing it in a speaking tense, it really helps bring in the audience. It helps them like, oh, what's he gonna say next? Or what's she gonna say next? And then they've got the pause and they're like, so they're processing it. They're waiting. They're like, what's gonna happen? And then you really can hit them home with whatever that topic is that you were trying to discuss at the time.

He also talked about how when you're talking louder versus like going and talking lower, it's like you're starting to build up to something that's really exciting or really like drop— you're dropping a bomb.

Yeah, right?

You're dropping a bomb in your speech where people are like— or like, whoa, you know, one of those kind of feelings. I thought that was really cool too. And he showed some videos in this training too of people just reading a speech, just normally reading a speech, and then reading a speech with his trainings where they have the inflections and all the bits. And you can just see the complete difference, like night and day.

Yeah, it's a complete difference. So what are some like common pitfalls that you've seen And then you kind of recommend people to avoid when it comes to communication. I'll say one of mine for me. Yeah. Um, and then being in law enforcement, a lot of things that we pay attention to is all body language. Yeah. So a lot of people, and sometimes they don't even realize it, is their body language does not match what they're saying or vice versa. Yeah. So like if you're, if those two aren't matching, then your, your audience and or the person you're talking to is going to be completely lost. Or disinterested. Yeah. And then also Greg has talked about this is watching the way people are interacting as well. So if people are, they're done with the conversation, then you need to—

will be pointed away.

Yeah. You need to finish the conversation. If they're leaning in and they're intrigued, well, keep it going like that, that you've got the person elaborate. So being able to watch the body language versus what they're saying, I think is huge as well.. And then, uh, I think Vin talked about it too, is just using your hands, using various stuff around you also helps you emphasize whatever it is that you're trying to talk about.

Yeah. I def— right now I definitely haven't mastered the whole hand motion thing when talking. Like some, for me, it's still kind of awkward. I'm like, what do I do with my hands? What do I do with my hands?

I'm like, okay.

Talladega Nights. Right. Yeah, no, that's just— yeah, okay, hold on, let me grab, let me grab my water.

Like, nope, nope, put it down, right? Um, maybe we should watch that, that movie soon.

Yeah, we haven't watched that one in a minute. Yeah, we also haven't watched very many mommy-daddy movies in a while. Nope, then mostly kids, all the Sonic movies.

Oh yeah, I've— we've seen those a thousand times.

Yep. And Jackson, uh, He's saying word for word.

Oh yeah, talk about communication. So as we wrap up today, what are 3 golden nuggets, um, we would— everybody should know and hear when it comes to communication?

Speak from the heart. That's, that's one that's like good, because when you, when you speak from the heart, it has a softer But also, like, I don't know if a conviction kind of— it kind of does. Yeah, soft and conviction all in one. But speak from the heart. I think that's, that's a big one right now for me.

And number 2 for me is going to be active listening. Yeah, it's like actively listen to the people you are talking to, like be present.

Like, that's so hard. It is. Like, for me, and like, I feel like I've got like 100 tabs open still and trying to actively listen and focus in on what somebody's saying, it can be incredibly hard. So it's like, it's practicing that focus piece.

Yeah. Being present with where you are and stop thinking about what you want for lunch. Stop thinking about what you need to do later, what you need to do after that call or after that communication, actively listen to what they have to do. And trust me, they're going to love you so much more for doing that. What would be number 3 for you?

Because I feel like there's so many. There's a lot. There's, there's a lot. I think just being, being open to hear, hearing what the other person has to say, like in response to you opening, opening up a conversation. Okay. Like learning to be open and not having, um, such a driven, like, objective.

Okay. That's the right—

no, that's really good. Right kind of word.

A lot of people go into conversations and/or relationships with an objective.

Yeah, like, or, or a like, um, pre-planned like agenda, like this is how I, I imagine the conversation's gonna go. Like, just be, be more on a middle ground because some days you never know which direction the conversation could go. It could go one of two ways, and if it doesn't go the way that you imagine, you'd be like, wow, I wasn't prepared for that. Yeah, so just, I think going with an open mind. I like that. Of hearing both ends.

Speak from the heart, have an open mind, and actively listen. Yes, there it is. Thanks for joining us today for some Friday fuel from us. Don't forget to like, share, do all the good stuff. We appreciate you guys. We love you guys. Again, if there's any questions, topics you guys want us to discuss, literally DM us, message us, and we'd love to discuss them with you guys.

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