Goodbye Guilt: Why Saying NO and Being PRESENT is Your Burnout Cure (Friday Fuel)

Welcome back to the Infinite Gold Podcast. Today we've got Friday Fuel. How you doing, beautiful?

I'm feeling powered up.

I like it, I like it. This is a 4-part series to our burnout campaign. If you've been listening, you you're right here. If not, I highly recommend you go back 3 episodes on the Friday Fuels and also listen to our experts, and you can see exactly what we've been doing and hear it if you're on the audio versions. But this is our 46-ish episode already.

Hell yeah! Almost to the 5-0. Almost there.

Almost there.

Fucking accomplishment right there. A lot of people bail out at like 20 or 25, something like that.

Going strong.

Still going. Nope. Full steam ahead.

So again, today we're gonna talk about burnout and we're gonna provide with you with a lot of the tactics and tools that we do. Um, a lot of the stuff that we weren't doing and we are feeling it and what we've kind of come up with that has helped us. And it's not a one size fits all, but we highly recommend you try out these tactics and tools we're gonna provide to you.

Yeah, I mean, life, life gets busy, life gets messy. There's a lot of moving parts. I think no matter what you're doing in life, there's a lot of moving parts and it's constant juggling of things, family, work, business, what, you know, what have you, side projects, hobbies, enjoying life in general, all of those things. And real quick, I'm gonna stop you right there.

That's the biggest thing right there. Enjoying life. Yeah. Whatever you're doing, whether or not you've got 18 different businesses going on, whether or not you're stressed with so many things, You need to enjoy the life. You need to enjoy what you're doing. If there's certain businesses, if there's certain jobs that you're doing right now that you do not enjoy and it's not your main thing, maybe you shouldn't be doing it.

You're draining your energy is what you're doing, and you could be pouring your energy into something that you love and that you're passionate about.

Yeah. Like we're extremely passionate about helping people, so a lot of times I could be tired, but me jumping into a coaching call, us jumping on this podcast, it lightens, it recharges us, it charges us. Like this is what makes us happy.

Plus energy drinks, energy drinks always help. What are you drinking?

I don't know. What'd you make me?

Celsius. I forgot already. Yeah, you got one of those Celsius packets. I took a sip of it. It's pretty good. It's just missing bubbles. Yeah, that's all. I got a fizz. Got our bon fizz. Mm-hmm. That's good.

A question, um, yes, I got asked recently is when you're stuck in survival mode, like you've been there as, as a mom, as a mompreneur, you've been there and you're stuck in that zone. How does it make you feel? And then what are like the first couple steps you would recommend to get out of it?

You're constantly on edge. Um, or as I've heard, uh, a walking nerve ending. And triggered by everything under the sun. Like, I— like, getting upset because Jackson dropped his fork at the dinner table, and I'm like, yeah, you know, and not exactly that, but I'm just like, really, dude? Come on, for the 10th time, fucking sit still. I was like, but also, toddler. Yeah, he's just— he's having fun at the dinner table, no big deal.

Um, we don't even know what's going through their brain.

Yeah, we have no idea what they're even thinking about. He's probably thinking about cars, let's be honest. I mean, we just talked about how we're seeing, uh, Corvettes everywhere we go whenever we're in the car with him, and he calls them out too.

Talk about manifestation.

Oh yeah, he's, he's definitely everywhere.

I'm not opposed to it. I'm really not.

No, not at all. Again, it's, it— getting out of it is identify what pours back into your energy source, and I've said it once, I've said it twice, I'll say it again. Um, working out and being and staying active is what is what recharges our batteries. And it's not just for me, like in general the human body needs that because it does recharge you. It does in fact recharge you. Now, no, who's to say like maybe being in the gym and lifting weights isn't for you, but maybe you're a cyclist, maybe you want to hop on the bike and go for a ride Or maybe you're a runner, you like getting your cardio in, and that's your biggest, like, outlet, and you feel so much better. It used to be mine because I, I used to run. I used to be a big runner. I ran track and cross country in high school, and for the long— even before that, I used to go for runs just to go for runs because it felt good. And I loved the adrenaline rush I would get from it when I was finishing because I would, like, pick up speed and finish like I was running a race, cuz that's the competitive side in me. But, um, getting, staying active and making sure like, okay, if I'm tapped out and I'm burnt out and I'm trying to get out of that, identifying, okay, well, have I been working out? Have I been, um, staying physically active? Because it's easy for it to get away from us if it's not naturally stapled into your routine. And making it a non-negotiable. If it's not a non-negotiable and it's not a lifestyle, it has to be a lifestyle for you. You don't like it, even if you know, exactly. Like, I'll be honest, nowadays I haven't been loving working out, but I'm doing it anyway because I reap the results of it and the, the feeling that I get afterwards from taking care of myself in that way. That's how I fill my cup. That's how I re— one of the ways that I recharge. Um, but that, I think that piece is so important. It ha— like you have to make it routine. It has to be a part of your lifestyle and it has to be a non-negotiable.

One of the things I was talking to one of my clients the other day about is he was asking about the whole working out things and he was talking about how sometimes like he won't do it or he'll fall through or like he would just say, oh yeah, I'm working out tomorrow. But the issue was, is it wasn't a set time. It wasn't set into the schedule.

So it's specifics.

Exactly. Every single time he would go to want to work out or be like, okay, yeah, I'm gonna go work out. It felt like a chore to him. Uh-huh. Because it wasn't like inputted into a schedule. And then he kept feeling like, but then I'm not working on the business or I'm not doing this or I'm not doing that and I don't have time to go work out cause I have to do all these other things. But if you physically put it into your schedule that at this time I am working out, now you know you need to get it done. But it alleviates the stress too. Yeah. I don't have to do business then. I don't have to do other things because I already have it in my schedule too.

Because that time's blocked out.

It's already blocked out. Exactly like our favorite man, Super Dave Johnson. Every morning, 4 o'clock in the morning, it is penciled into his schedule.

Steve-O? I think it's Sharpied into his schedule.

Oh, it would have to be Sharpied.

It's Sharpied into his schedule. Any kind of permanent way of having it into your schedule. Yeah. Show's over. He's like, I'm heading to the gym.

Yeah.

You guys coming with me? All right. You know where I'll be.

Yeah. It's ingrained into his schedule, into his mind. It's a non-negotiable. That's what people need to have. And then the best part about that too is that's like a win. Every single time you get that done, every single time you work out, you recharge yourself. That's a win. And take that as a win. Yeah. Take that as a, oh God, I just worked out. Oh gosh, that was such a horrible workout.

You're like, no, I got it done. That's a coin in the progress bank.

Exactly. That's so good. Because the more coins you put in your progress bank, the better you're going to feel, the better you're going to be, and the further along you're going to be.

Yeah. And it's a confidence build. Yeah. All in one.

It's all— it's great. And another question I've got for you is— ooh, this is a good one— boundaries. So when you've got all these businesses, you've got family, you've got life, you got kids, what have you done to alleviate the stress of saying that magic word?

No, that, it, that's been a hard, that's been a hard one for me. Um, and I think it's hard for a lot of people and they think they gotta be the yes man, say yes to everything. It's like really when you're saying yes to everything, you're spreading yourself thin and maybe overdoing it in the schedule and. You can't actually do all of those things that you say yes to. So now you're overcommitting, and now you're putting yourself in burnout. And so, like, for— because I've done that before. I'm like, oh yeah, I can totally get this done and then go from there to this and then there, you know, overcommitting. And then I'm like, shit. Now, like, you get done by the end of the day and you're like, what the hell was I thinking? Or in the process, like 'Oh shit, I'm gonna be late to this because I'm fin— I'm finishing up with this and trying— because I said yes to this, this, and this.' And really, realistically, it— like, you didn't need to do all of those things. Like, but say— and saying no has always been hard because you're just like, 'Oh well, I don't know.' It's like giving one of those kinds of answers. And then really learning to just say the word no No is a complete sentence. It is. And, you know, thinking— you thinking on the— that you have to give this other person on the other side of the conversation an explanation for your no. Half the time there's people that won't ask you if you just say no. They're not going to ask to be like, okay, cool, no problem. And then there's others that, yeah, they want to inquire, but most of them are just thinking fucking potato chip and You don't owe anybody an explanation for your no. Just you say no. And they ask you again, no. And it's like when a toddler's ask, you know, your kids are asking you for something and you tell them no. And you're like, and they say, but why, mom? And you're like, because the answer is no. The answer is because I said so. The answer is no. Um, and I think it just kind of lessens the stress because then when you have to think of. A response and think of an explanation to give this person because you're worried about how they're going to react or what they're going to say, you're deepening your, your chances of going into burnout because you're pouring your energy into like trying to set emotional barriers for this person that you're trying to like protect because you said no. Yeah, exactly.

No.

Just say no. Is that what is on our dare shirts? Yeah.

One of the things that I incorporated too is think about this. If you say yes to something, you're inevitably saying no to something else. Yeah, always. So if you think that you just keep saying yes, you're truly actually saying no as well. It's just, you're saying no to something else. So if you keep saying yes to everybody else. You're technically saying no to yourself. Yeah. Saying no to you doing what you need to do. You're saying no to your own time.

To your priorities. You're saying no to your priorities.

Exactly. So one way for you to possibly think about it is if you are that yes person that says yes to everybody else.

The yes man.

You're the yes man or the yes woman. You're truly saying no to something else. So just think about that the next time you go to say yes is what are you now saying no to?, and is that yes taken away from the priorities in your life or the priorities that you have at that given moment?

Yeah. Well, and sometimes when we're saying no, it's because we're making sacrifices, like to what, for us, for example, when we say no to, you know, family that's trying to invite us out or invite us over for dinner and we're like, no, we're just, we're laying low at home. We're handling business, we're doing dinner and we gotta get the kids bathed and get into bed and all those things. And it's like, You know, another time, cuz right now we're, we're in kind of grind mode. We're in build mode. So it's kind of, it's fun.

Yeah.

It's not, it's not easy, but you gotta do it.

Yeah. Yeah. It's one of those things where it's, you gotta choose and choose wisely. Yeah. That's a good one too. Um, the unintentional and the intentional messages that start getting sent to our kids when we are in burnout. Like, especially me being a canine handler. Yeah, we talked— we talked about it, uh, going down the leash. Like, your dog senses the way you're reacting, the way you're acting, the way you're feeling. They sense the feeling a thousand times more when you're dysregulated. Just in general, like, yeah, super excited, they feel it a thousand times more. If you're, yeah, like freaking out or you're worried, they feel that much more. Toddlers, same exact thing. Yeah. Like if you are dysregulated, like you just said, the, our kids, your kids are going to feel it a thousand times more than whatever you are producing.

Yeah. Cuz they vibe off of you and they, they, you know, they're smart little beings. They're smart little beings. Cuz like, you know, if I'm, if I'm not in the mood and I kind of just like short. Or like, you know, you could tell that I'm just not in it right now. Jackson's like, what's wrong, Mom? Like, if I'm sad, if I'm looking sad, like I'm upset about something, he's like, Mom, Mom, what's wrong? You okay, Mom? You know, they, they sense that. They like, they read into it, they read into it. But also like your energy, like if you're snapping at them and they're just wanting to play with you, then they just, you know.

Yeah, one thing to think about is however you're feeling and however you're reacting, you're creating a model for them. So if you are so burnt out all the time, you're dysregulated all the time, you're putting all of that on your kids, whether or not you think you are or not. Yeah. And you're also creating patterns for them. So it's subconsciously, you are By being dysregulated, by you being burnt out, you are creating this for them. So one thing to focus on is your health, your vitality, your burnout. If you focus on this and you take some tactics and tools to help you out, in essence, you're helping out your entire family.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, and it's— it just kind of goes hand in hand with like managing your own emotions and, and regulating your own emotions. It's— you're teaching them to do that as well for themselves. And I, we've read like, you know, kids as a tot, toddlers at their age, they're their season, I guess, if you will. Um, they're still developing their frontal cortex where they're managing all of their emotions and stuff, and they're not processing everything like this, like you think they are. So like when you have to ask them something multiple times, well, did you give them enough time to process it the first time? And you give 'em like 3 seconds. And now I understand. I literally just in this moment had this like light bulb go off. Now when Jackson calls me, and if I don't answer him the second after he calls me, he's saying mom again.

Yeah, I wonder why.

That's from us. Yeah, no, I— that literally the light bulb. Now I understand why he's like that. I'm like, bro, you don't give me a chance to respond. But I wasn't giving him a chance to respond. I just learned something today, folks. There it is.

Now you're learning something too. So if you have kids and they're not responding to you right away, and you're that parent— and we've all been there, obviously, we're talking about it—

we're not perfect parents, learn something every single day.

And you're telling them something multiple times and you don't give them time to react. Well, for starters, if you're not allowing them to learn, you're not allowing to them Yeah, so you process things because they don't process as fast, and you're also now teaching them to do the exact same thing.

Yeah, so it's like keep it simple.

Yeah, KISS, keep it simple, stupid. Another thing, um, that I know we've been doing, uh, better at as well, and it's alleviated a lot of things, is delegation. Yeah, trying to do everything on your own is a recipe for disaster. Um, and I've talked to with one of my clients is just because you're really good and we'll, we'll stem into business real quick. Just because you are really good at sales doesn't mean you need to keep doing sales. If you are the owner, mm-hmm, you can pass the buck off to someone else, but you can't expect that new person to be just as good as you are.

'Cause they're a new person.

If they're 70% of as good as you are, That's still good because that now allows you to take the time away from that doing other things. You're still growing. Now, if they're only like 20% as good as you, well, then maybe we need to evaluate them doing something else and/or hiring someone else. But you can't expect someone else to do the job just as well as you're doing it, and then you can't continue doing that job because, oh, I have to do it because I'm better than everyone else. Well, yeah, you're probably going to be better at it. Because you've been doing it for a long time. You know the product, you know the business because it's yours, but you need to alleviate and you need to delegate for other things. Same thing in the parents— in the parenting world. We can't expect one parent to do everything, and then that parent can't be like, well, I got to do it because it's got to be better. Yeah. Well, then you're just stressing yourself out and burning yourself out more because you're not allowing the other person. Yeah. To also do it.

Yeah. Well, it's like, and it kind of gets me because you're saying delegating jobs and kind of like divvying up work between mom and dad, you know, husband, wife, whatever. Um, there's, uh, there's some men out there and maybe even some women that kind of are like old school minded, like, no, only the wife does the chores, only does the dishes, only the wife does the laundry. 'Only mom does all of this and dad just comes home and, you know, is there.' Yeah. Wrong. Yeah, wrong. Like, it's a job as a family, as a team, and splitting up those jobs helps lessen the stress on one person. So getting to work as a, as a collective and handling all those things, now you're preventing each other from going into burnout because, because The jobs are divided. Like, everyone's stu— it's not like, hey, you're stuck, you do this, this, and this, and I do this, this, and this. Maybe it works out that way because some people need that kind of structure in their household, or maybe that's just how they work best. Everybody's different. You and I, we cut— we do both. We do it, we do it all together. You help me with the laundry and dishes, you know, the all— it's not just on me. It's not just me taking care of the kids or giving them baths. You step in and you help give them baths. And, you know, all that stuff. So kind of just doing what works so that way, like, it's not all me handling everything and then I come down on you when you come home after you've already been burnt out from the day at work. So, okay, I want to take a step back. Um, so because of— with your busy schedule with work and what you do, how do you— when you come home and adjust How do you get out of a burnt out mode just from your day at work?

So it's the biggest thing that I've learned to practice more of, um, is presence and being where I've seen that and being where my feet are. So if, if my feet are at work, then I'm working. Like there is no in between. So like if I'm doing other things, I'm mainly focusing on work. Minded. If I come home and I still need some to work on some business stuff, then I will go into the office and I will still be in business mode. But if I'm outside of the office, if I'm in the living room, if I'm with you, if I'm with the kids, I'm focusing on the family. So there are— there chores that need to be done? Is there, uh, anything that needs to be done around the house? Um, what can I do to facilitate with that? Is it just take the kids and get get them away from you?

Um, what is it that is beneficial preventing me from burnout? Exactly.

I'll give you men a trick that will solve a lot of things. If you want to have sex or a love life, you need to reduce the burnout of a woman. If that means you gotta do some chores around the house and take the kids away from mom so that way she can decompress, so that way maybe some things could happen later.

Big, big turn on when that— when Daddy starts taking care of the dishes or the laundry. I'm like, what are you doing later?

Like, if your woman is constantly burnt out and stressed and you guys just go to bed, I guarantee that nothing's gonna happen because she's gonna continue to just turn over and say, 'Night night, motherfucker.' Alleviate some stress. It's a game changer. Just saying. But I can confirm, uh, being present. Um, if you are— had an extremely burnt-out day, I've had those. Uh, for me, uh, I— people— I'm Debbie Sherrod, can I hand— I have my own car. If I park in the garage, sometimes I stay in the garage for a minute. I'll let Thor out and I just sit there for a second. I decompress, I, I forget about the day and then transition into family life. If you had a ton of meetings, if you had some meetings that went to shit, if the entire business blew up that day and you get home, it's, it is hard. I understand, but you have to flip the switch. You have to find a way to flip that switch to be present at home. Your kids don't care about what happened at work. Your kids don't care about how stressed you are. Your kids don't care about any of that stuff.

They just care about being with you.

They just care about being with you. Exactly. Doing something with them and or with your family are the things that are going to alleviate a lot of the stress and burnout. Because also, let's be honest, when you're with your kids and they're laughing, they're giggling, you recharge.

Their laughs and their giggles are like your biggest cure. Like you could be, you could be in a like stressed out mood. And as soon as you start hearing them laugh and giggle and play, you, you, you, yeah, you've instantly like. Shut off that bad mood. You've thrown, you've thrown it away cuz now that bad mood is gone. It's in the wind and now, and like you forgot all about it because now they've shifted your mood.

Exactly. So taking advantage of the things that you have in your life to flip burnout on its heels, on its head.

Yeah. Well, and I think it too, at that point it's, um, a good opportunity to practice gratitude.

So good. Gratitude and journaling have been huge things for me as well. Yeah.

It's like being, being grateful for the now, being grateful for what you have now, even though you're working, even if you're working for something much bigger in life, much greater than yourself, being grateful for what you have now and where you're at, who you are, not settling with who you are, but grateful with who you are and who you're going to become. I think just puts things into perspective. Like I've, look at, look at all of that, what I've got around me. Mm-hmm.

You know what I mean? Yeah. That's amazing. So what would 3 golden nuggets be to finish off our 4th episode of the Burnout Campaign that you think that tactics-wise would benefit someone who may be on the verge of burnout or?

First one that comes to mind. Is gratitude. Again, I, like, we just said it, but, um, yeah, gratitude would be the first one because it's a tool that I've used in moments where I'm burnt the F out. It reminds me that, hey, I'm, I, I'm, I put my feet, I'm where my feet are. So I become present, more present, and I start thinking of all the things that I'm grateful for in that moment, and it immediately shifts my, shifts my mood. It pulls me out of the, the darkness, the burnout that I'm feeling. And I'm like, today's the worst it'll ever be. Today's the worst it'll ever be. And having like that mindset, like, hey, today is, is gone. Like it's, it's yesterday and it's never coming back. I like it. Tomorrow's a new day. Um, another one would be having fitness a non-negotiable and making it a lifestyle in one, in, in one way, in one way, shape, or form, whatever that is for you. You know, whether that be picking up weights in the gym, cycling, running, any other sport, surfing, whatever, whatever makes you feel good. Like do more, do more of that. And that's keeping your energy up. It builds your energy up. Perfect. Give me a third one.

So to follow along, you're on your 8-week transformation fitness. Yeah. So if you have any questions, concerns about fitness. Don't hesitate to reach out to Bri.

And then I'm on— I love that stuff.

I'm on a 100-day streak of cycling. Yeah, all my legs to go. I'm on day 4 of 100, so right now we're still going strong. But, you know, hit me back up in about 30 days and, uh, I'll let you know. We'll talk. Oh geez. But number 3 for me is going to be presence, being present wherever you're at. So it's going to help you with burnout because a lot of times with burnout, the half that affected me is I was always thinking about other things constantly. So if I wasn't work at work, I was thinking about work. If I wasn't at home, sometimes I'd be thinking about at home because I'm at work and I'm like, oh, I wonder how the kids are going to— like always thinking about other things than what I'm doing. And it causes my brain, it causes everything just to go in hyper mode. Yeah. And being able to slow down, one of the things was being present in whatever it is I'm doing. It just helped me focus a lot more too. So I wasn't as, I didn't get as burnt out as quickly because I was just focused on one thing at a time. I'm at work, I'm focused at work. I'm at home, I'm focused on home. I'm not trying to do a thousand things at one time. Anyone who says multitasking is great is bullshit.

Yeah, it's not. No, you're multitasking at screwing things up in multiple, yeah. And yeah, in multiple things, or you're do, when you're multitasking, you're doing all those things at once.

Half-ass. Yeah, exactly.

You're not, you're not doing it.

Yeah, exactly.

You're not giving, you're not giving it the full 100 you think you're giving.

Yep, exactly. So if you have any issues with burnout, if any of this is resonating with you, share this with, uh, your friends, share it with your family, comment the word burnout in this video and/or DM us the word burnout, and we will send you— yeah, we'll send you our burnout quiz that comes with a guide, it comes with, uh, free PDFs, it comes with videos, all the information, all the steps that you need to get out of burnout or this maybe stagnation that you're feeling right now. Yep. Reach out to us. Any questions, concerns, don't forget to like the show, share this show.

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You guys take care.