The High-Performance Code: Breaking Through Burnout with Gary Chupik

All right, everybody, welcome back to the Infinite Gold Podcast. We've got Bree and myself here, and then we've got Gary Chupik from Elite Mindset. How you doing today, Gary?

Doing great. It's a beautiful sunny day here in Seattle, which means it's raining.

I was about to say that's exactly what it probably means.

He's lying.

So we've got Gary Chupik from Elite Mindset, and he is a high-performance mental coach. He is— we'll dive deep into a lot of good concepts today, and these concepts are really going to help you get maybe back to maybe a more neutral space in life. Maybe instead of if you're all over the place, kind of narrow you back down and then really help you that if you're at an elite level, how do we get you further along? How do we get you even past whatever level you're at? Because there's always more improvements. There's always space to grow. And he's really going to help you with that because you could be the best baseball player, the best basketball player, but is your mind the best that it can be? And how much better can you be in baseball, basketball, whatever the sport it is when your mind is actually at that high level? He's been teaching for over 30+ years. He's been coaching high-performance athletes for 6+ years. He's been a pastor. He's been a— he's been a lot of different things. But long story short, he's been teaching people for so long that he's come up with so many different tools and playbooks. And he's got a Game Plan for Life to really narrow down what you want to do in life. He's got Elite Mindset that I've taken that's really helped dive into the mindset that I have that I take to work with me and that I take to my clients. And he's got a bunch of different ideas that we're going to talk about today, and we're just really excited to have him on.

Yeah, thanks for having me. It's super excited to be with you and Bree as well.

Awesome.

Thank you, Gary.

So one of the first things, um, that we kind of like to dive into is we kind of want to dive into what brought you here today. So you were a pastor before, you were a chaplain before. What made you leave that space to really dive into high-performance coaching?

Yeah, it's really one word and it's called burnout. And I call burnout is self-mismanagement. And so, in 2017, I was just exhausted. I was working on a local level. I was working on a state level and regional level. And then also, I was responsible for the national program for church planters all over America. And Canada. And, um, and so I think I was just doing too many things and I mismanaged my own energy and I just hit a wall and I just needed to stop everything and take a break and reevaluate my life. And at that point, I thought it was a good time to take a midlife crisis. And whether I bought a Camaro or, um, you know, rethought my career, uh, yeah, the rethinking my career thing was, was what I wanted to do. And so I had all these Post-it notes all over my office, and I was just trying to figure out my life with arrows and boxes and circles and rectangles. And lo and behold, little did I know that I was actually creating something called the Game Plan for Life. And so it was born out of that. Well, what's next for me? I was able to create that program and then create it in a way that high performers could relate to. So if you're a high performer at your job, whether you're in law enforcement or tactical or in sports or even business.

Yeah.

Well, how do you take that same mentality and apply it to all the different domains of your life so that when you have all those things aligned, you really are able to perform at your highest levels?

That's so good.

Yes, I feel that.

I mean, I remember when I went through The Game Plan for Life, that's what it really drove home for me is what I truly want to do in life. And the biggest thing that I want to do is I want to serve others and I want to help others and I want to do it on a global scale. Scale. So I have in turn have to have a profession or have a job that benefits towards that, that leans towards that rather than maybe some other things. And we won't dive too deep into that.

Well, I'm glad it had such an impact in your life because oftentimes for so many people it's really a, you know, a BC and AD sort of thing. It's like their life changes or pivots on this swivel during the Game Plan for Life, and it opens up their eyes to see what's possible. And so it doesn't mean that you don't ever do any other professional development things or personal development things, but it is a moment in time where your mind shifts a little bit. And I think for that purpose and for that role that the Game Plan for Life plays in people's lives, it's very effective because then the world begins to open up and you start to say, well, I wonder what my calling is. I wonder what my purpose is. I wonder what my current assignments are. I wonder what my personal philosophy is. I wonder how to execute in my life? And it answers all those questions. And I think it's really valuable because if you could answer a lot of those questions in a couple of days, in 2 days, you get to spend the rest of your life unpacking what that means. But now you have the plan and what it looks like and how it unfolds. You don't always know. It's like a scroll, but at least you have enough direction to be able to pursue things in a way that feels like an alignment with your identity.

Yeah, what are some key ideas that you'd like to bring to people that maybe haven't done the Game Plan for Life, or maybe they're tiptoeing around that Game Plan for Life? Why should somebody do a Game Plan for Life, and/or why is it so important for someone to maybe not necessarily do it if they can't, but to actually grasp the idea of what they want to do in life?

Yeah, I mean, the Game Plan for Life is what I would say— it's an identity-based performance system. It's like, it's good. Yeah, like if I could look at somebody else and the they live their life. There's part of me, I don't know about you, but there's part of me that could feel envious with those people and say, oh, I wish I could do what they're doing. And I admire that, or I respect that, or there's part of me that wants to do that too. But in reality, it's just not you. We admire it. We might even want it. Like, I'd like to be a rock star one day. I can't play an instrument, but I would love to do that. Or, for example, I'd love to be a professional athlete one day. I'm not wired for that. Both physically and emotionally, not in the present moment. So I have to be able to find something that is based on my identity that I can do. And the reason why the identity piece is so important is because if it's simply ambition, well, our ambition can wane at times and we might change our mind 6 months from now. But your identity is pretty solid. It pretty much is who you are. And so if we can take your identity and maximize your identity,, you'll have the longevity necessary in order for you to be successful, because that consistency over time is really important. So if we do something that's identity-based, you're more likely to do it, and especially if you enjoy it. And so doing the Game Plan for Life is that identity-based performance where if we can figure out your purpose and your calling and your personal philosophy and the vision that you have for your life and your unique way of strategizing and how you're going to do all those things, we can figure that out. We have a pretty good shot, or you have a pretty good shot at being consistent with it. And like I said, that consistency is absolutely necessary. So it's kind of a high-performance system plan, and it's also something that's based on identity. And I think that's the most powerful piece. It's one of the things that I think makes the Game Plan for Life so unique and different from almost everything else out there is that it's identity-based. And so mixing performance and mental performance and identity is such a powerful combination because it honors the person that you've been created. So you don't have to recreate yourself and, you know, maybe be someone that you're not.

Right. Oh my gosh. Yeah. No, I think you talking about the identity portion of it, so many people out there have identity issues and they don't know who they are. They don't know what their purpose is and they don't know where they're going or what they want with life, or they think they know what they want. Then they get there and they're like, Well, this isn't what I wanted. And you realize, well, this wasn't it. So what is it? And then they try to do this deep dive and figure out where they're going. But hey, if they don't have somebody like you in their corner to help them and coach them and mentor them, be like, hey, well, let me help you. I have the tools.

Yeah, it's like calling a timeout in your life, right? Like I tell people, you know, we can figure out your life in 2 days. Like we really can do it. And so if you could figure out your life in 2 days, but spend the rest of your days not wondering, and wandering about, you know, what that is. But if we could figure that out in 2 days, can you imagine? Like, you might not know exactly, you know, how to live every single day for the rest of your life, but you're going to have a direction and you'll know what is uniquely you. And so you put that into practice and all of a sudden the world starts to open up to you. And that's the best feeling in the world. And so all of a sudden you start getting opportunities that you never thought were possible. People start calling you from around the world. Like, I had one in Madrid, Spain. I got to go to Madrid last year, which was really wonderful. And so you just, you just kind of don't know what's going to happen. I have, you know, the Game Plan for Life. I had a website that has 250 million clicks on it per year asking me to put my Game Plan for Life in a digital format so that they can do it in 42 different languages around the world. And so when you just sort of— I don't know, maybe the best word I would say for it, Bree, is like when you surrender to yourself. Yes.

That's amazing. So good. Yeah, no, I think because a lot of people, like, there's— it's not other physical beings or physical things that are holding them back. It's ourselves. We hold ourselves back.

Yeah. And sometimes it's conscious, like we know what's holding us back and it might be a fear that we can identify or some type of insecurity, which is oftentimes the case. And sometimes it's just that we don't know. We've never had anyone present to us a plan where we can just say, well, I really trust this plan. Like, I know that this is true about me. And when you trust that plan, then you can execute it. But if you don't trust the plan and you're not really sure because you kind of still feel like you're shooting in the dark a little bit, what will happen is that will cause hesitation. And hesitation is an indication of lack of confidence. And a lack of confidence or hesitation in anything, including sports or tactical first responders, oftentimes in business, it costs you something. And so that hesitation coming from that lack of confidence about our insecurities or whatever, there's a cost to it. At the very least, it costs you a ridiculous amount of time, right? Or sometimes we'll say, well, I think I want to try this for a while. It seems like it's the right thing in the moment, so I'll give it a shot. And maybe we listen to a podcast or we listen to maybe good friends who are trying to encourage us, but sometimes it takes someone who's really skilled at how to guide you through a particular process or a plan so that you can get the outcome that you're looking for. And so the Game Plan for Life, I think, is so valuable in that way is because it identifies some of those things that are going on beneath the surface. I call them undercurrents, right? Like an undercurrent. The wind can be blowing this way, but the undercurrent is taking them this way. And you say, well, wait a minute, the wind's blowing this way, shouldn't it? Shouldn't the iceberg of my life be going that way, but those undercurrents are so strong that they'll move us in a different direction. And so to be able to identify those undercurrents and name them, like literally name them, and then be able to come up with a plan to combat them. And that is the most, I think, the most difficult part about the game plan for life is once you identify those undercurrents, you can kind of go, oh my goodness, like these undercurrents are ruling my life. I didn't even know it. Like, yeah, almost all of the decisions I make in my life are a result in some way, shape, or form of the influence of these undercurrents. And the proper response is kind of like you should be angry at yourself because you're like, I'm letting these things control my life. And yet we don't let our purpose or our calling or whatever it is, we don't let those things drive us. We let our insecurities drive us or those undercurrents. So I think there's a lot of value in having a good plan, no doubt about it. But there's also value in addressing your undercurrents, because you can have the best plan in the world, but if those undercurrents are so strong, it'll literally take an iceberg all around the world. Sorry, um, that's a lot to do.

Yeah, no, I was processing as I was thinking about what I was about to say, and then I had a mind block for a second. Uh, that's okay. You're, you're talking about the undercurrents. Did you say that's kind of like your dark side. That's what, like, it—

yeah, in a way, drivers, they're drivers. They drive, they'll drive us to do certain things that no one else will see. Like, no one else will actually see why you're making a decision that you're making. But because those undercurrents are so strong, they, they manifest in certain ways. But we don't always sort of identify those undercurrents, nor do we want to. Like, who wants to look at those things that are driving us in negative ways? And so it could be an insecurity, you know, some insecurity that we have. It could be a fear of something. It could be a lack of confidence about something. And so those undercurrents will prevent us from taking risks or doing courageous things. But taking risks and doing courageous things, they are part of the way that you become successful at something. You cannot be successful without taking risks. You cannot be successful without being bold. They're incompatible. And so to have the confidence necessary to be able to do those things, you do have to be able to address your undercurrents. And, you know, like we talked about earlier on the call, it's like, it's like, yeah, you have to be able to expose yourself to the things that you're afraid of, which is called exposure therapy. And you have to have a level of engagement with the things that you fear. And so the Game Plan for Life just identifies those things, and then we sort of come up with a remedy or a solution. If I was going to combat this people-pleasing side of me, what would I do? Well, I might become an ass for the next year I might become incredibly disagreeable with people. I might speak my mind more instead of worrying what people think. But the only way for me to get over that is to, like, confront that, right? And I have to expose myself. So I wonder what would happen if I became more direct, or I wonder what would happen if I spoke my mind more. How many friends would I lose? Like, who would really be bothered by this? And what I found out, at least in my own life being a people pleaser, is that Nobody really cared that much. It was actually pretty okay. Like, they were— I think they were thrilled that I was actually, you know, like, expressing how I felt about stuff. Did I lose a couple friends or ruffle a couple of feathers? For sure I did. For sure. But I realized that the friendships worth keeping, those people could handle me and those people could handle what I had to say. So, yeah, it's a little bit of a dance, I think. Just, you know, dancing with the things that cause us to be insecure. But until we just face it, you know, we'll be drugged by those undercurrents. In different places in our life.

Yeah.

Well, it's not fake it till you make it. It's face it until you make it.

I love it. So recently you just came out with this awesome assessment tool that I recently took. So let's say, for example, somebody like myself or someone else who's in the field that they're extremely passionate about. So they don't necessarily maybe need the Game Plan for Life because I've, I've already got it dialed in. Like, I'm super passionate about this. Like, I'm either going to be a professional baseball player because I love sports, I'm really good, or I'm going to be an entrepreneur because I love it, the business that I'm in, I love it. We're all dandy. This assessment tool, what is this thing? Obviously I took and I loved it, but from your perspective, what is this assessment tool and how will it benefit others that, um, need to get to that next level in whatever profession they're in?

Yeah, so it's really interesting. Like, a lot of people say, well, use a quiz or use an assessment as a lead generator. Like, ask a couple questions, get people interested.. But what I realized after doing about 2.5 years of research is that almost all of the mental performance and mindset assessments on the internet, they were all lead generators. There was very few that actually took a deep dive into a person's mental performance. And so I thought, well, I really want to do a deep dive because I want to be helpful. Like, for example, let's say if you're the coach of a football team or you're the coach of your U-14 girls volleyball team or whatever it is, that what if we could assess an entire group of people all at the same time and come up with an amazing amount of data to be able to help that coach and help those players figure out what they need to work on? Because sometimes it's really hard to know what to work on when it comes to mental performance. Like, for example, when we talk about mental performance, you know, most of the assessments had 5 categories. Yeah. There were a couple that had up to 12. 12 was the most. And I thought to myself, well, there's more than 12 categories in mental performance. Yeah. Like, for example, like none of them had self-talk. Well, I don't know how you could have a mental performance system and not ever address self-talk. Like, how could you not measure that?

It's the most— it's the most important thing.

Yeah, exactly. And so, so none of these assessments online had anything about self-talk. So I designed a mental performance assessment called the EliteMindsetAssessment.com, and I wanted to be able to do a deep dive into people's mindsets. Now a lot of people will look at it and think, well, what are my 3 best areas and what are my 3 worst areas?

Yeah.

Try to just sort of think about it that way. But I don't think that's the best way to use it. I think the best way to use it is to imagine the gap. Like, for example, if you scored 60% on something, well, you have a 40% opportunity, 40% gain opportunity in that one area to make a massive difference in your own game.

Huge.

In the way that you think. Or you could say, you know, I scored 89%. That means you have 11% gain that you can make in a particular area. Or what if you just gained 1% or 2% or 3% in some areas? Well, you'd have a 44% to 66% gain in your performance. And so the reason why this is so important is because there's a lot of professional athletes that didn't get drafted. Like, for example, in the 2019 NHL, NHL. There were, you know, there was a survey taken of all the players in the 2019 NHL draft. So out of all the players in the NHL, all of them, about 36% were drafted in the first round, about 21% were drafted in the second round. You know what the third largest group was? Well, you might say, well, the third round or the fourth round or the fifth round or the sixth round. The third largest group in the NHL was undrafted.

And so where did that come from?

Where did that come from? You know, I think where it comes from is it comes from players who don't give up and they really focus on their mindset and they really say, you know what, I'm, you know, I'm not ready to give up on this career. I have to work extra hard and I might not have the skill, I might not have the talent, but I have what it takes up here to be successful. And so, and I have a feeling that those numbers are probably pretty common all throughout the different years of the NHL draft. So I don't care what sport it is, there's so many players that go undrafted or are, you know, the last round or don't get drafted at all. And what's the difference? It's the mentality, right? And so I think the mental performance thing is an absolute game changer. And the mindset assessment just helps people say, okay, what do I need to work on? How can I work on it? What would I need to do if I did work on it? And then And then my job as a mental performance coach is to offer solutions. So, for example, if you are a person that really struggles with your emotional regulation, is there an exercise that we can teach you to help you regulate your emotions? And yes, there is. And we don't have to teach you 6 pages of notes because when you're in the heat of the moment, you're not going to remember any of that. But if I could just help you remember one tool, just one tool that is so simple that you could use in the flash of a moment, then you could say, okay, I remember what Gary taught me about emotional regulation, the Yerkes-Dodson scale, the triangle. Yeah. You'll remember it, and then you'll say, okay, I know where I am. I'm aware of where I am on the scale, and I need to bring myself down a couple of notches. And all of a sudden, you use that tool in the blink of an eye so quickly because you practiced it. Not only were you made aware of the tool, you practice it on a regular basis, especially at home or at work or wherever it is. So you have lots of reps, and you use that tool. And that's what mental performance is. I taught at the college yesterday. I talked about resilience, but resilience isn't something like an exercise that you teach. It's an outcome. If you do all of these exercises, if you put in the work, you will then become resilient. So there's a lot of work involved and there's a lot of exercises to go through and a lot of tools to use. But the endgame is making really hard-to-beat athletes and really hard-to-beat people in business. And those are the kind of people that I want to create, is hard-to-beat high performers.

Oof.

I love that.

That's so good. Yeah. I love the idea that not only are you taking an assessment, cause it's like you mentioned, there's so many assessments, there's so many quizzes out there, but you're not just taking that. You're actually finding out where you can help yourself out and really focus on those areas. And then on top of that, we've got somebody like yourself that we can reach out to and be like, hey, these are the areas that I'm really lacking. What are those tools? What are those tactics that I can use? To bring those percentage points up. And another really good point that a lot of people don't realize is they always focus on the worst. But I love how you brought in, but what if you're still at 80% in a certain area and you're actually really good at that area? Why don't we just take what you're really good at and make you even better at it?

Like, exactly.

Like Pete Carroll, when he was coaching the Seahawks, he said, Gary, the best always want to get better.

Yes.

Okay. The best always. So they are literally looking for a cutting-edge thing that they can do that will help them just become 1% better. So they're, they're like, game on. Like, even though they're at the top of their game, they're probably, you know, in the 99th percentile of people with me in mental performance in their craft. Yeah. They're still looking for an edge.

They're still—

oh yeah. And the average person or the low-performing you know, person, they're like, why would I need that? I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm like, no, no, no, you don't understand. This is really about being at your very best and staying sharp. For example, you know, why shouldn't we be really sharp in our marriage? You know, why? Why could it be successful? Yeah. Like, I want to be successful at A, but when it comes to my marriage or my relationships, you know, I just need to survive or I just need to cope. And but you don't need to, you don't need to just cope. You can actually thrive in your relationship as well. And you can use a lot of these mental performance skills, as you mentioned, because what happens is unless we're aware of what's holding us back, we are literally sabotaging our own success. Like, oh yeah, literally sabotaging it. And the more awareness that we have about those things that we're wrestling with or might be under the surface, those undercurrents, more that we're aware of those things, Man, you just have all sorts of gain in your mental performance that you can have that make a— that'll make a huge difference in who you are and what you do.

Definitely. And I mean, you guys were talking about it right before we jumped on the podcast about how, Bri, how much you've expressed that you've changed in this past year and how much of that change has resulted or come from what Gary's talking about with the mindset and your mental performance.

Acuity? Uh, yes. I just, it was constant work, constant fine-tuning and applying what I was learning, not just soaking in all the information. 'Cause we can learn, learn, learn, read, read, read. But if we're not applying what we're learning, it just, it goes away in one ear and out the other. So really taking all that I learned in, you know, to my head and to my heart And really being intentional with where I wanted to go and I just ran with it and have just being, like you said, being consistent. That was the other bigger thing. And that really helped kind of get me to where I am now. And something I, I think I just said the other day, it says, uh, take control of your mindset, take control of your life.

Mm-hmm.

And I felt that. Yeah, that's so good. And like, for example, like I think we have the, the wrong perspective and concept of what it means to be a student. So in America, what we think of is sitting in a classroom with a pen and paper and just watching the, you know, the chalkboard and the teacher. And, you know, but in reality, if you look back into, let's say, ancient Near Eastern culture, they would have— teachers would have disciples. And so you have these traveling teachers. Yeah. Who would say, you know what, I really like this teacher. I'm gonna, I'm gonna I'm going to follow this teacher. And it was very, very common. So you would, you might go to a school or an educational sort of center, but there were a lot of people who would just say, you know what, I like that teacher, I'm going to follow him. So in some ways today, I see sort of a return to that sort of disciple piece, like I'm going to become somebody's disciple. And the word disciple is very different than just being a student and watching something. A disciple is actually someone who participates.

Oof.

And so I would say, you know, just from listening to you, Bri, you're, you're, I mean, you have had a shift in your mindset, but I bet you any money that your greatest growth has come from just doing it.

Yes.

Yeah.

No, the, I think the biggest thing was that, uh, I, I wanted so badly to change and I knew that I had to start participating in my own life and started taking action and doing the work because if I wasn't, I was gonna still be in the same place. Place that I would be, you know, a year ago or whatever. Uh, and I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to stay in that same spot. I, I feel like I would've failed myself if I hadn't made the change, if I hadn't shifted. And I, I think when I took that, uh, started taking the steps to changing and improving myself, it's helped improve my relationships. It's improved the way that I think, my perspective. It's really opened a ton of doors for me. And I don't, I don't know where I would be if I hadn't started doing that. I know I'd be disappointed. Life would look a lot different right now if I hadn't started taking the action and participating.

Right, right. Well, I'm not interviewing you guys. However, I am curious to find out, like, how has it impacted your marriage? Like having that change of mindset, right? And then practicing and putting into practice the things that you're learning. How has that even impacted your relationship?

Oh, it's— I think it's done wonders for our relationship because the fact that we were both doing the work on our own personal growth journeys, we were able to grow together and it's improved our communication in the way that— oh yeah, and helped us understand each other better by understanding how we think and our own emotions. And, um, we kind of just like picked up on cues from each other. In the process. And while it's still work, it's always going to be work, it's net— the work is never done, um, it's definitely improved the— our dynamic as a couple.

And that's for— and that's help from you.

I mean, just the coaching that we all started. I think it's— it all started with getting to be in the room and with you, Gary, and talking to you and everything that you taught Anthony. He's helped teach me So you've already done some serious work because that, that really like kickstarted it.

Yeah, well, I appreciate that, but Anthony's the guy that's done a lot of the work and he's been able to translate it to his own personal life, which is remarkable. And I've seen amazing growth in Anthony. It's been remarkable. And then to think that it's overflowed into your relationship is— oh yeah, I don't think I could be happier, which is awesome.

I mean, it's, it's the ultimate goal of us being coaches, you being a coach, is you're not just trying to coach, you're not trying to help that person, you're trying to create that butterfly effect. Trying to help that person that's gonna in turn help their entire family, help their friends, help another person and another person after that. And it all starts with you helping that person and then that person taking the leap of faith and accepting the criticism, accepting the help and moving forward. And on that note, from all of the tools that you and I have done and gone through, what is usually the biggest one or the most profound one that you utilize the most when people come to you for coaching? Which tool or tactic do you teach the most?

Yeah, it's a good question. You know, when it comes to high-performance athletics, like professional athletics, yeah, when it comes to tactical, when it comes to business, probably the most common thing that I hear is that, man, I'm really overthinking things. And I think that overthinking is, is like a huge deal. Yeah. Because what happens is you just get flooded with thoughts and then you don't know what to think. So if you could sort of sort of look at your entire life through this lens of like, what are my thoughts producing in me? Like, just to look at it through that lens. So I'm having all these thoughts. You might even feel like they're necessary. But what is this producing in me? Is it producing anxiety? Is it producing a sense of wandering or lostness? Or is it producing— and you might say, well, Gary, you're kind of manipulating your own thoughts. I'm like, exactly. That's exactly what we want you to do. We do want you to gain control as much as you possibly can. Over your thoughts. Because, you know, I mean, the numbers vary, but a lot of people say we have between 60,000 and 80,000 thoughts per day, and 90% of them are unconscious. And out of that, you know, like 80% or 90% are negative. Yeah. And so to be able to control your thoughts is a huge gift that you can give to yourself. So if you can control your thoughts, then why not? And, you know, if you could put aces, stack aces in the deck for yourself, then why not? And go, because you're gonna, you're gonna have those a lot a lot of thoughts anyway. So why not position, put yourself in the best position to succeed? So I would say the most common thing that I think I hear is the weight of thoughts that people have. And in reality, when it comes to sports, that weight, that extra weight that you carry, they're like calories, right? You have too many thoughts, you have too many calories, and too many calories makes you lethargic and overweight and slow and non-responsive. And it has other negative effects. But I think in the same way, having too many thoughts, like thinking too many things, is not helpful either. But, you know, we have a tendency to hop on our phone and, you know, and talk to people and listen to podcasts and read books. And I mean, there's nothing against— I have nothing against any of those things. But even if I said— if, yeah, I mean, even if you had 7 heads of spinach that day, you would still feel sick. Yeah. And I think we can take in even too many good things. And so if we can regulate the amount of things that we're ingesting mentally and emotionally. And then I think that'll make us a little bit more nimble and feel a little bit better. So learning how to control the number of thoughts that we're ingesting, I think, is really important.

How would you help somebody— I mean, we see it all the time, and you're seeing it more and more, which is really cool, in the sports world. And people are really diving into, because they're miking up people, so we're really understanding what they're saying, what they're doing. Explain to the person who maybe doesn't understand it as much or might think it's voodoo, self-talk, that woo-woo stuff. Like, but you see so many like top-of-the-line athletes before they get up to that free throw line, they're talking to themselves before they even get up to that line. You're seeing more and more football stars where before that play's even started, they're walking to the line, they're saying something to themselves. You're seeing it within baseball when they're clicking their heels, when they're doing, you know, their routine, they're— you see their lips moving. Can you explain to somebody who maybe doesn't believe in it or doesn't understand it, how important that self-talk is.

Yeah, I mean, if you don't talk to yourself, you'll listen to yourself.

Oh, that's so good.

That, that right there.

Yeah.

And so when you learn to talk to yourself in respectful and honoring ways, that's number one, is like making sure that you respect yourself and the things that you're saying to yourself. I mean, that's, that's pretty crucial. But number two, is once you learn a protocol of things that you can say to yourself, you'll end up repeating it. And so you'll see the same player say the same thing every time they go up to bat or whenever they're about to shoot a free throw or, you know, score a goal or do like a penalty kick. And so they're literally saying themselves the same thing over and over and over again. So I think it's— I think that really the focus is, is this thought is What puts me in the best position to succeed? So what can I tell myself that constantly puts myself in the best position to succeed? And so if you walk up, let's say you're going to kick a ball in soccer on a penalty shot, and you're going to say to yourself, let's say, 3 things. And so you'll repeat those 3 things every time in practice. And in the game, you'll just say the same 3 things so that you go up to that soccer ball supremely confident, knowing what you're going to do. And I think that's the key, is repeating those things that put you in the best position to succeed, even if it's mundane, even if you have to say it 1,000 times, because ultimately you can't control an outcome. You can't control whether a goalie saves that ball or not. They could guess at the perfect time, in the perfect place. They can guess where the ball is going to be and they can make a save. So you can make the best pitch in the world and it still get hit for a home run. So all you can do is put yourself in the best position to succeed. And I think that motto or that thought is probably my number one go-to when it comes to all of my life is what puts me, what can I do to put myself in the best position to succeed? I can't be married to the outcome because I don't know what'll happen. But if I'm not putting myself in the best position to succeed, I'm never going to get the best outcome. Down. You know, it might happen from time to time out of luck, but I'm never going to put myself in the best position to succeed. So for example, when it comes to my marriage, what is going to put Molly and myself in the best position to succeed as a couple? Well, we love to go to coffee shops on Saturday mornings. So if you call me on a Saturday morning, you know exactly where I am. I'm at a coffee shop with Molly, and we're talking about our week, and we're talking about deep things. And that puts us in the best position to succeed. And when it comes to something called launching and landing. Okay, so every day we, we as a couple, we have a certain way of launching the day. So Molly would like her day to, you know, to start by herself, kind of quiet, and, and just have, you know, an hour and a half to 2 hours just alone. So I give her that space in that room. And me, on the other hand, I, I love to snuggle in the first thing in the morning. So I don't— that doesn't get to happen every morning, but That's just how we launch every single day. And then we land in the same way. Well, how would you, you know, Molly, what would make it sort of the perfect case scenario for you to land every day? What would it be? Being quiet? Would it be snuggling? Would it be just being by yourself? What would it look like? And so we ask each other that question. So we're doing things that put our marriage in the best position to succeed every single week. And I think if we think like that, in multiple areas of our life, then you've given yourself a really shot, a really great shot to be successful in every area of your life. And I think it's a game changer personally. I've seen it happen when it comes to my job, like what puts me in the best position to succeed at my job? Well, my environment's a big deal. So I want to make sure that I have things that are inspiring around me, that it's quiet, you know, just, you know, have the windows open so it's nice and bright and cheery. I know it's hard to do in Seattle, but constantly asking myself what's going to put me in the best position to succeed. And I think if we can live our life that way, it really detaches us from the expectation of having the perfect outcome that we want because we don't have any control over that. If you keep putting yourself in the best position to succeed, then you have a shot at hitting that home run. Then you have a shot at getting a hit. Then you have a shot at really doing well in whatever it is that you're doing. So I think that concept of like, you know, what puts me in the best position to succeed I can't control an outcome, but I can put myself in the best position to succeed. I think that is— personally, that's probably my favorite thing that I, I ever think of.

That's awesome. I love that.

Control what we can control. That's so good. So if somebody's coming to you and they've got their— they're coming to you for their Game Plan for Life, they got their assessment, they, they're, they're doing that Elite Mindset, what, what can they expect?, to get? Now I understand everybody, you know, comes in like, oh, what am I going to get? What am I going to get out of it? Not necessarily that, but what mentally are we going to get? I know how much I've grown because of it, but what, what do you see like the average person doing? Are they, is it affecting their business, their life? Like, is it everything? Like, explain a little bit about that.

Well, I wish we could do things once and we'd be done. Like, correct. Like, wouldn't that be wonderful? Like to learn the lesson once and then never have to learn it again. It'd be awesome. But life is so dynamic. Like, it changes dramatically. And oftentimes, I love what Jordan Peterson says. He says, you know, most people sort of hit their breaking point. It's like a balloon. Like, you keep putting air into the balloon. So it's not just one breath that goes into the balloon. It's this problem, this challenge, this stress, this anxiety. And you keep putting air into this balloon until it's so tight that you're about to burst or about to pop, then you have a nervous breakdown or you, you know, you fall into depression or whatever. And so I think taking the principles that we learn in mental performance and using them as either helping us get out of crisis or helping us cope. I mean, there definitely is a thriving piece to it. Like, if I do these things on a regular basis, you probably will really thrive far more than you if you didn't. Yeah. But I think it's a way to diffuse challenges that are— that feel overwhelming and where you could say, no, I can probably handle this. Like, I have coping mechanisms now and tools that I can use. But the situations always change and the dynamics of life always change. Your kids reach different ages and you have different challenges at different ages. And they're different, right? Like, you're not just the parent of 2 kids, you're the parent of 1 1. Like, that's you. And they both want to be treated differently, and you have to treat them differently. So, so I think that dynamic of, like, when it comes to mental performance is, does the principle stand the stress test? Like walking on a 2x4 between 2 chairs. Does the principle that we're teaching apply in marriage? Does it apply in raising my kids and my family? Does it apply in my business? Does it apply in my sport or my craft? Or does it apply in certain relationships or most relationships? So because there's so many dynamic things going on in life, I think it's worth saying, hmm, I wonder if this emotional regulation thing matters in my marriage. Or yeah, I wonder if this emotional regulation thing matters in my job because I'm really hacked right now. And so yeah, yeah, principle. And does it work in different environments at different times? And so the learning never really ends. You just keep applying the principle and saying, I wonder if this really works. And it does. But a lot of the dynamics change.

Yeah, I love that. And if anybody's having any issues or they're in that burnout phase or they're trying to get to the next level, definitely reach out to Gary. He's on Instagram. We'll have all the links of his website, um, the link to get the assessment and just to follow more of him. And obviously follow more of us to get more information, um, on the 4 pillars of the Infinity Model that we like to talk about. Obviously today's on personal, it's on mindset. Now one thing we'd like to finish, uh, all of our podcasts with Gary, is what are the 3 golden nuggets you would give somebody that is looking to improve their mindset and their mental performance? Yeah, 3 things, only 3, huh? Only 3. Unfortunately, I know because we can have our own podcast on how many, but we can leave it to the 3.

Well, I would say number 1 is, um, and you and I have talked about this a lot, is hit that reset button often. You know, I think of the sun as a reset button. You know, when the sun comes up, it's a big button. It's a new day. And what happened yesterday is yesterday, but today is all about this present moment. And like, for example, we were talking earlier about, you know, the hourglass, you know, the top represents the future. It's happening. And the bottom represents what's already happened. It's the past. But for me to be able to live right in that little narrow part right there is so important. And so for me to in the present moment on a regular basis and just resetting as many times as I can. There you go.

And it's gold. I love it.

We got ours in gold. I love it. So for me to offer my best in the present moment means that I have to reset often. So what that means is regardless of the previous conversation or the previous client that I've had or the previous situation or relationship, whatever it is, I can hit the reset button and go into that next conversation kind of like with a brand new slate, kind of like opening up a new tab on your computer. So that's number one. The second one is neutral thinking. So oftentimes we make things way more emotional than they need to be. Like our emotions are not working for us. They're not helping us. So sometimes Molly and I will joke like, hey, it's not emotional. Let's just make this decision.

It's not emotional.

Not that serious. Yeah. I like that.

That's so good. Yeah. And so oftentimes we'll say it's not emotional. So that's the second thing. So it's called neutral thinking. So it doesn't have to be emotional. We can just sort of be in neutral. Because when we find that when athletes are in neutral, like, they're not overly positive and they're not overly negative. When they're just in neutral, they perform their best. And so it's hitting the reset button, going into neutral thinking. And then finally, I think what I would say is sort of really get a grip on your self-talk. Talk, because your self-talk is your inner advertising campaign. You're constantly selling yourself something. So sell yourself the right things and make sure that that's a respectful, encouraging dialogue. And so, like, when I'm working with a team and let's say they are— or an athlete— and they're really struggling with their self-talk, I say, listen, there's only 3 things you can tell yourself. Yeah, like, you're not allowed to tell yourself any other things in a game. Number 1 is your self-talk must be inspirational. Yes. So you can inspire yourself or motivational. Number 2 is instructional. And number 3 is calming and relaxing. So it's got to fall into one of those 3 categories. If it doesn't fall into one of those 3 categories, you're not allowed to think it. So if you limit your thoughts, it's kind of like your thoughts are like sheep. They want to wander all over the place, but you got to put a fence around them. And the closer that you can bring that fence in, the more that you can contain your thoughts. So you just want to make sure that they don't wander too much. So reset, neutral thinking, and practice your self-talk.

Those are so good. I've utilized all three of those and they've helped tremendously.

That's awesome.

So thank you for that, Gary. Yeah. Well, again, everybody, thank you for joining us, and, uh, we are happy to have you on, Gary. And again, And click the links in the bio, follow both Gary and Infinite Gold and ourselves on Instagram and all the social media stuff. Definitely like, subscribe, give us a rating if you liked it. If you don't like us, then don't pass this on to anybody. But I think Gary and I, we provided you guys a lot of good tidbits and information today. And thanks again for joining us. And Gary, we'll see you on the next one.

It was a privilege.

Thank you. Thank you. Let me just hold off for one quick second.