Anthony Goldner explains complex equivalence: when you assume one behavior means something deeper, like thinking a partner who doesn't cook dinner doesn't love you. Questioning these automatic links between action and meaning can prevent misunderstandings that lead to therapy, divorce, and financial ruin.
There is a direction that your life wants to naturally flow in. What happens is a lot of times people, when they come to me and I listen to what they're saying, truly 90% of what I'm doing— and I'm going to just share this as like a, you know, multimillion-dollar secret— what I'm always going to hear is a complex equivalence. A complex equivalence basically is when somebody states A means B. You know, but that doesn't always correlate. You know, my wife doesn't love me anymore. Just because your wife doesn't cook dinner for you, that means to you that she doesn't love you? What if it means that she respects your space and she respects your ability to make a decision on what it is that you truly want to eat on a daily basis? That complex equivalence right there could have saved that person years of family therapy and divorce and alimony and child support just because They made a, a relationship that didn't even have to exist with two completely independent things of their lives.
