How To Make It As A Woman Entrepreneur by Dr. Sharmila | Social Entrepreneur | Avi Arya

I'm a doctor turned social entrepreneur, work in progress, mother of a teenager, international speaker, and on a mission to create a million smiles by skilling, empowering and transforming the lives of young children who I call as young leaders. Like you rightly said, it's just not teenagers. Even as adults, even me right now, it's like, oh my God, my to do list is so much. I just not got done with it. And then you suddenly start feeling, you know, I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm the one who's so bad. I'm the one who's not able to complete it. So there's a lot of self criticism that happens. And the more and more you're self criticizing yourself, the more and more worthless you start feeling. That's the overwhelming feeling. And also we love this perfection, you know, we want it all to be just right and perfect. And that's a big myth. It never happens. Perfection never happens.

My name is Avi Arya, father of two girls, six dogs, husband to superwoman and streetcar racer, turned hotelier, and now social media marketer. So that is his hero micro story. What is your hero story?

Nice. I think I should write that down. I can't tell you that big one. But in my own little style. I'm a doctor turned social entrepreneur, work in progress, mother of a teenager, international speaker, and on a mission to create a million smiles by skilling, empowering and transforming the lives of young children who I call as young leaders. That's amazing. In a nutshell.

That is awesome. And we can hop right into my first question. My first question is, what do you think creates anxiety within teenagers?

Oh, interesting. Pretty much everything right from. I mean, I split that into two parts just to make it simple. One is the physical aspect. There's a lot of changes that happens in the physical body during the teenage years. So you're neither a child nor an adult. So there's a lot of uncertainty in between. And there's a lot of peer pressure around as well. So it's like you want to fit in, but you want to stand out as well. So when it's like the left brain and the right brain are pretty much pulling at one thing, which makes a lot of anxiety a reality. It's just not there in your mind. It's how do you fit in? So everyone goes through that. That's the physical change and the psychological change is when you feel like you know a lot of things. There's a lot of inquisitiveness, which is true because you know that with the Current generation, you guys are into the technology. You born into the technology. So you guys know so much. There's so much of information out there, but then it's like July 4th happening all at once. There's so much of fireworks. You don't know which one to pick and choose. So it's natural to have that anxiety.

Amazing. Okay, that definitely that's a question that I needed to ask because I also go through that a lot. So I wanted to know about that. My next question would be. And it's very personal as well, so to anyone watching this, I understand, but why do we get overwhelmed? Not just as teenagers, but as people, why do we get overwhelmed and how can we get past this to achieve our goals? Like, personally, I am very into creating videos, but I also have school to deal with. So sometimes I'm like, oh my God, I'm so overwhelmed. And I'll randomly just start, you know, breaking down, just start crying, or I get unmotivated. How do we get past this?

That's an amazing question. And like you rightly said, it's just not teenagers. Even as adults, even me right now, it's like, oh my God, my to do list is so much. I just not got done with it. And then you suddenly start feeling, you know, I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm the one who's so bad, I'm the one who's not able to complete it. So there's a lot of self criticism that happens. And the more and more you're self criticizing yourself and the more and more worthless you start feeling, that's the overwhelming feeling. And also, we love this perfection, you know, we want it all to be just right and perfect. And that's a big myth. It never happens. Perfection never happens. So my what I've been following again, I don't like to give advice because the one thing that you should never do to a teenager is give them advice.

Wrong.

That's a big no. Okay, but what I like to do is write down all my accomplishments every single day. It's like, you know, I had a good breakfast today. I helped someone today. So when you start listing down your, your brain starts to look at all that you've accomplished every single day. And then the overwhelming feeling sort of goes off. And then have, you know, a realistic to do list. It's all about time management, my dear. If you can actually manage your time and just say, it's like if you don't get done with today's work, it's okay, big deal, you can do it tomorrow. But you, you need to know that you've completed so much. So sometimes, you know what I love to do is take my hand here, put it on my back and say, good job, dude. You did really well. It's ok. We can take care of it tomorrow. Yep.

Right.

Okay.

Amazing.

Okay. So in our family, we have. We have this kind of ritual that, like, everyone's equal and everyone. And everyone in the world is equal. No one's better than anyone. Everyone's equal. And so this leads me on to my first question. Is it tough as a woman entrepreneur, is it tough in the real world to be successful?

I won't say it's tough. I'd say it's challenging. It's how you look at it. Either you can let the world dictate what you are or what you should be, or you create your own path. When I was born, I was the first born girl child in my family. And they, my granddad looked at me and said, oh, girl child, you should dump her in the bin. Yes. And the best part is though, we, I mean, I, you know, I'm from India. Despite us being, you know, celebrating women, womenhood, we call it the motherland. All our goddesses, all of that, and we pretty much put women up there high. But this is also the country where we ban sex determination during pregnancy because we don't want girl children being killed. So that is the reality. Does that mean there are no girl leaders? Not at all. Does that mean everyone is successful? Not at all. So there is a balance. It's every woman's right to establish herself as a leader. And it is an uphill. But like you rightly said, we come into the world as equals, as only. When 23x and 23y from the male and female come together, baby is formed like that. The minute we realize that men and women have to coexist and create something beautiful together, our world becomes an amazing place. I mean, my one area is we can leave all this gender disparity outside and start concentrating. We can make our world a better place to live in.

Amazing. Okay, that makes sense. I like that. Do you have another one?

Oh, yeah. So my second question is, did you always know you're gonna be a doctor? And how did you find your passion?

I come from a family of doctors, so it was like pretty much pushed down my throat that I have to become a doctor. And everyone in the family, it's like a given. And my daughter, she decided that she's not going to become a doctor. And I said, okay, so Things do change. Well, I did find my passion when I started working with the who and I went into the, you know, into pretty much the urban slums of India and understood that there's so much of need for education and health care and it wasn't available freely. So to me, education and healthcare is a right. How do you make it affordable? Is what I'm working on. And that's on one side. And the other side I see there are a lot of young children who have so many fabulous ideas inside. So if you help them become leaders, then they can go on to taking care of the education needs of our country. So I'm trying to mix and match the two. Still figuring out, my dear, what is it that I want to do in life?

I love that answer. Everyone thinks you have to figure it out by university or.

But, well, I'm a doctor, I did my mba, I got my mphil, I'm still studying and I'm still figuring out what the hell I want to do in life.

Awesome. Okay, my next question is how do we program our mindset, especially as young teenagers? Because, you know, it's hard sometimes. Like, especially for me, I have certain goals that I want to fulfill outside of being a teenager. I want to be a social media influencer. But a part of you is also like, no, but I want to hang out with my friends. I don't want to do this, I don't like this. I don't like it, I hate doing this, but I have to do it. How do you program your mind to achieve these goals and to want to do it, to be motivated.

Okay, this difference between being motivated and being inspired, motivation is something that from outside, someone has to keep telling you, you know, you have to do this, you have to do that. The world, this, that, everything that comes from outside. But when you are inspired, it comes from inside. You know what I mean? At your age, when children are sitting and having fun and going out, you don't necessarily have to be doing it, but you still, you're choosing to do it. So number one, the control is within you. And number two is, let's say watching your video, one person's life changes. You've changed an entire generation around them. So what you're doing is actually priceless. The minute you know that being a social influencer will actually give you a lot of visibility and credibility. But what it actually does, it changes the life of one person, which is you can't value it. Right? So that's, that's something that, that's what keeps Me going every single time. I know that I'm creating a difference in people's lives. So even the days when I don't feel like getting up, I still, you know, pretty much jump out of the bed because I know if I don't go there, then there's one teenager's life that might get lost. So it's like when you have your purpose really clear and it's larger than you. Can I fulfill the whole thing in my lifetime? Not at all. But I'm creating young leaders who can go ahead and make the difference. That's something that keeps you inspired to go on. At the same time, you should have a lot of fun. All work and no fun makes Jack a dull boy. So you just have to have fun. So split it out. The way I like to do it is sometime I wear my mommy's cap where I'm, like, all responsible. Then I take off that cap, and then I wear my college girl cap. And then I go and have fun with my friends and then come back. So these are different roles that you're playing. So just.

That makes a lot of sense. And it actually leads me to my next question, which I don't have written down, but just thought of it. You know, recently, I'm sure there's so many teenagers watching this who are relating to this. Recently I felt like. Like during quarantine, I was on this streak of getting videos done, of getting, you know, so much done, and I was so happy. And now school has started, and there's all this comparison to other people. And then now I have school to do as well. So I'm overwhelmed. And all my goals that I want to do are just overwhelming me. And suddenly I feel like the pace is slowing down and. And like I'm not as motivated or I don't have my purpose anymore. How do you do you say do what makes you happy? Because sometimes what I think personally, I'm sure there's so many other teenagers like me who are like, the more challenging stuff that you don't like, you have to do that to be better. You have to do that to be better. But that stuff sometimes, you know, like recently for me, has led me to be so, like, unmotivated, unhappy, sometimes feeling depressed. How do I do what makes me happy or do and mix it up with challenging or. What is your solution?

Okay, here's what I would say. It's very natural to feel overwhelmed at this point, because, one, you're not a part of the group any longer. You're now standing out and you know, when you're standing out, it's very simple for people to start pointing out and saying, hey, hey. You know what I mean? Are you crazy? Instead of coming and hanging out with us, you're going and doing some stuff. Who's even watching you? You're not even looking nice on camera. There's a lot of bullying that happens behind. It's very subtle, but bullying does happen. And it's challenging. It's very challenging. I mean, it's easier said than done, but it is challenging. Having said that, what is, ask yourself, what is it that you really, really want? There's this Indian crab story that I'd love to share. You know, when you put the Indian crabs inside a big bucket and leave the lid open, the crabs will still be inside because when one crab tries to climb up, the other crabs will pull it down. Because it's easier to pull people down because people get intimidated when you're growing. Whereas when you are in the group of, let's say you take a box and you put ants inside that. Those ants will find one small hole, get all the other ants and escape from them. So who are you hanging out with? Makes a lot of difference if you can find influencers like you around the world. Now with the COVID the best part is the world has become a very small place. If you're able to hang out with the like minded people, other teenagers who are also social influencers and who are going through similar challenges, then you start feeling, you know what, I'm not alone. And there are bulliers here, there's bullies there as well. But we still need to do what we need to do. Because India is a country which has the largest adolescent population. However, we are also the country that's leading in teen suicide rates. Can I go and talk to teenagers? Will they accept me? To a certain extent. But then they will still look at me as someone who is, you know, this authority figure who's giving advice. Whereas when you girls are talking, they will start looking at you as peers and someone that they can connect with. So you pretty much becoming role models there. Yes, it is difficult. But then if you can save one life, I think this difficulty is worth it. What do you say?

For sure. Wow. I just found my motivation again.

Inspiration this time not motivation exactly.

Okay, so my next question is, what is your advice to young kids? Should we listen to our parents, our teachers, or to ourselves? Because it gets some. It gets a bit confusing sometimes.

Okay. You know, I need to show you something here. Hang on. This is my Little tripod. Okay, say I take off one leg from this. You think it will stand?

No.

I'll take off two. Do you think it will stand?

No.

So for a tripod to stand, if you think we need three legs, what do you think a young child needs? One leg, two leg, three legs. So the point here is, my dear, you definitely have a mind of your own, so put it down. Your teachers share with you things that you need to learn. Your parents always come from the angle of, you know, I care for you. I'm only trying to protect you. So once you have what I call as the hot conversation, honest and open talk, you will come to a way where that you're not actually fighting, but you're actually talking out why you want to do certain things. And children, as such, are amazing negotiators. So if you can actually write down the reason why you want to do certain things, then you will decide whether you really want it or you don't want it. Only when we get into this fact of, you know what, I am right, you are wrong, that's when conflict happens. If I say, okay, my daughter talked me out of becoming a doctor, and she's gone into the business side, and now from there, she's now being homeschooled, which is unheard of in my family. But then she had her points why she wanted to do homeschooling, and she stuck to the word. So if I see a leader in you and you're, like, really committed to doing what you're doing as a parent and as a teacher, I would be there and support you. It's not about who's right, who's wrong. It's about how do we. How do we do more together?

Understood. That makes a lot of sense. Okay.

Yeah. So for my next question, how should me and Raya start our journey on public speaking?

Lovely, both of you. You're young leaders already. It's like this. I'm sure your mom has diamonds. There are different varieties of diamonds. You know, there's this uncut diamond, and then it comes to a point where it's like, really polished and shining diamond. Right now, I'd call both of you as uncut diamonds. When you have the right mentor, you find the right method, and you connect with the right mastermind, then you being public speakers, like I said, will put you at a platform where you can talk about every little thing that's hurting you. At the same time, you know that you are not alone. There are so many other children going through what you're going through. You'll be making a lot of difference in their lives. And I'm happy to let you girls go through our system so that it's. Public speaking is very, very easy when you do it the right way. However, it's the number one fear even adults have. Second to death is actually second. The number one fear is public speaking. Oh, wow. Yes.

And why do you think that is?

You know, again, it's like, I'm not good syndrome, or I have to be perfect syndrome. What if people laugh at me syndrome. So what? People laugh at you. Big deal. It's not about who laughs at you. It's about whose life you're able to change. And imagine that life is someone who's very close to you. Your friend is there hearing, will you do that? Of course you will. Even if that means you're looking like a clown, it's still okay if you know that you're going to change that person's life.

Still do it, right?

Public speaking is an amazing skill.

Yeah. And how should young kids like ourselves, how should they work on that? Like, I know Aviana, for example, she wanted to learn more public speaking. So she, my mom emailed teacher and said, could you help Aviana out and give her more projects or, you know, projects in front of the class? So how should young kids get into that?

Okay, here. This is what I have to share with you. We started this program, my daughter and I, actually, we started this program called Public Speaking Mastery. And you won't believe it, it was less than $30 cents. And we reached 9,800 kids across India and helped them find their voice. And in a week's time.

Wow.

That's just the beginning of the journey. Public speaking to me is like learning to ride a bike. It's not like the first time you get on the bike, you're going to get it right. The more and more you practice, the more and more you're going to become an expert in that. Then you can start doing tricks and whatever you want with that. But at the end of it, one point is very clear, is, you know, as a child growing up, I could never speak up. I always felt like, you know, someone who is inside and who could never express her views. And every time I was told, oh, you're a girl, you need to be good, you need to be nice. You can't do this, you can't do that. They told me everything that I can't. And I was like this bird inside a golden cage. But the minute I found my voice, I started showing the way for so many other women across. Not across the country, actually. I've gone to so many places and spoken. Am I scared of people and speaking to them? Yes, very true. Despite being an international speaker, I'm so scared of it. And I go and tell people, hey, you know what? I'm so nervous. I'm still going to give it my best. Keep practicing, because this is an amazing, amazing skill. And more than happy to. It's a skill that everyone needs and it's simple.

Yeah, that's very true. Once you get the hang of it, you start to like it. Okay, my next question would be, what do you think happens to you? What do you think happens to you when you're unhappy? So when you do things that make you unhappy, why. Why do people think of it as, you know, negative? For teenagers, for example, a lot of people at my school, they'll do things just to fit in, but it doesn't actually make them happy and they lead to being depressed. And why is that a bad thing? Like, why shouldn't. Why do people avoid it?

Okay, see, the point here is all of us as social animals, we want to belong. Even if we know that we are not there, we still want to belong. Because it's scary to be alone. And as a leader, as someone, you know, it's going to be a lonely journey. So do we really want to take that? Leadership is not, again, for everyone, but if you. Having said that, every person has a leader inside, so you need to actually have the courage to come out and say, you know what, I have something important to share with the world. But when you don't do that, there's this negative connotation that keeps coming on inside your mind. And, you know, you're actually wearing a mask and it's like suffocating. And right now with Corona, everyone is wearing a mask and they know how hard it is. They can't wait to get back home and remove the mask. Imagine wearing the mask over your face throughout your life. That's how a lot of people live. And that's what leads to a lot of aggression as well. The anger, the rape, this, that whatever you see seeing outside is because people are not able to express their emotions. And there's a lot of anger inside because the more and more you wear your mask, the more and more you get irritated because you don't know who's true. Right. Is the mask the truth or are you. I mean, who are you? It's a little challenging, but then if you have a, you know, a mentor who you can Reach out to, you can talk to, or you have a trusted adult, a parent with whom you can have this conversation. You can be fine.

All right, Amazing. So that leads me to one of my last questions. Do you think so as teenagers, why do you think people recommend we try new things? And why do you think people recommend bringing back? My last question, why you should do things that make you happy. What is the importance of that?

We all need to be happy. Right at the end of it, after all of that, you ask any senior person, any CEO, what do you want to do? I want to be happy in life. So we all want to be happy. That's one thing. Second thing about teenagers having to try new things is, let's say you go to a five star restaurant, you're going in for a buffet. How will you know what it tastes like unless you take a small peek of each and everything? Once you pick up on stuff, then you, then you realize, you know, maybe public speaking is not for me. Maybe writing is what is important, or maybe starting my own business, or maybe, you know, painting, or maybe coding or maybe whatever. There's so much that's available. And the best part is today you're not bogged down with the responsibilities of taking care of a family, doing this, doing that, none of that. You still are inside your nest where your parents are taking care of you. So this is the time to make a lot of mistakes, Try everything under the sun. Fail big time. People think failure is wrong, but failing is the best thing that can happen. When you fail, either you learn from it or you learn that this is not for you. And then you start on the other things. So the more and more you keep trying new things, at least you understand what and all is there. So just do things that make you happy at the same time. Have a small portion where you say, you know, I'm just gonna experiment in life, see if this works for me. If it doesn't work, great. It's like you wear a Gap. You don't like Gap, then you try Nike, then you don't like Nike, then you try Adidas. You don't like ideas. So, so many different varieties. Why would you just go and pick one and say, you know, I like it?

Right, Understood.

Variety is the spice of life.

I love that.

Okay, so my last question is, we use the term Internet moguls a lot. And our definition of an Internet mogul is someone who spends quality time with their family and, but also works hard on their business and like you, public speaking. So what would your definition of An Internet moguls be.

Okay to me, someone who knows how to have the cake and eat it as well. I call them an Internet mogul because Internet is a need of the hour. It's there in everyone's life. How do you use it? Makes you a different person. You can either be a consumer, go in and take all the negative content and then feel bogged down and sit down and, you know, cry over everything, or be that influencer who can go in and put out these positive content while you're still building a relationship, while you're still enjoying the time together with your families. At the end of it, before, you know, you guys will be adults, you'll be gone. But then the time that you see spend with family, the relationships that you're building, it's just going to be amazing. And the best part is parents love it when children spend time together. So you should get them to come sit down, do that Snapchat with you, or go and do that insta story with you. My daughter's been teaching me all of this, and I'm having fun. So the point is we're still creating difference. Why would someone have a cake and not eat it? Tell me. So when you have the Internet, use it well and use it well with your family and grow together, you guys become stronger together.

Right? Right. And another question would be, why do children. Why should children talk to their parents? I mean, a lot of times it's hard. I understand that your parents don't understand. Can you make them understand your point of view? Can you, please? A lot of people don't have that relationship, and they want to.

Yeah. When you want a toy, you somehow make sure that you get it one way or the other. Okay. Yes. Oh, yes. Pretty much all children do that. So if that can happen in one area, why not in the other area? So it's all about communicating. No one is perfect here. As teenagers, have I done things that my parents are not proud of? Yes. Have I kept things away from them? Yes. Have I been a bad girl? Yes. I've done everything. But then suddenly when I become this mom, I'm like, no, no, no, you shouldn't do anything wrong. You know, it doesn't work that way. My mentor, Blair Singer, you know, he made me understand this one very particular thing. I tried all my life to be a perfect mom, and I failed miserably. And then he told me, you're never going to be a perfect mom. And he said, you're never going to have a perfect daughter. And that's the Perfection of your relationship. So when I accepted that I not going to be perfect and I don't expect perfection from my daughter, suddenly I went from being, you know, sitting here on the pedestal and my daughter being here doing everything wrong to on the same platform where we started communicating with one another. So that's what we talk about in our book. I misunderstood. How can you communicate? How can you really, you know, it's a beautiful relationship. A parent and a child and parent and teen relationship is the most amazing relationship because you both are pretty much on the same platform talking to one another. If you can make that beautiful, it's the best thing that you can have.

That is awesome. We know we asked you, I think for about 45. Do you have another question?

Yeah.

Oh, sorry.

No problem. I'm enjoying this. Like I said, see, this is the conversation. If you can have this conversation with your parent, you've cracked it. Exactly.

Okay, so my next question is my teacher, and I've heard this a lot, that when I. When I go up to speak in front of my class and people start laughing or people, like, start whispering, I feel like, oh, God, I did something wrong. But then my teacher says that it doesn't matter if they laugh and if you did a bad job, it's that you went up and you faced your fears and you went up and actually spoke in front of the class, which is a huge achievement. Do you think that is true?

That's very true. Can I share a small story here? My first public speaking experience with you. I was already a mom. I was a doctor, and I was in the US in my MBA class. And I had to speak in front of 40 students, all of them my classmates. And I prepared really well. I had my notes in my hand. I was standing there and I was like talking, and it was going really, really well. And then in the front, friend of mine, I thought he was my close friend till that time. This dude was sitting there like this. He put his head down and he slept. Can you imagine? I'm like, whoa. And I forgot everything. I just froze at that moment. Okay, doctor, mother, MBA, standing there in front of 40 people. Though I had my notes in my hand, I completely forgot everything. Most embarrassing moment. Okay? But then what I did, this was. This was one trick that I'd like to leave you with. I just took a deep breath. Then I looked at this guy and, dude, wake up. And the whole class started laughing at him. So I just turned that, you know, the whole situation around. What? They would have either laughed at me or I had a chance to turn it around. But my point there is one boy was sleeping and disturbing, but there were 39 others who were intently listening to my class. Okay, whatever I had to share. Who should I concentrate on, that one person or the 39 others who were listening to me?

The 39 others.

That's what you would have to do. Even if someone is laughing, even if someone is whispering, whatever it is, it takes a lot of guts to go on stage and speak. You overcome the number one fear that adults around the world have. That itself says that you are on your way to making a difference. It's not as a speaker. You know your subject, so you. It doesn't matter whether you go and speak or not, but what the others hear. And if one person's life you're able to change, then you need to keep going. Yep. And the next time someone is laughing, you just have to look at them and say, if you're done, I can continue.

Okay, I'm gonna use that next time.

People get intimidated. You know, when you. When you really are powerful and you stand there and you know what you're talking and you know you're not talking for yourself, you're talking for the others, then automatically you go from being the scared little girl to someone who's powerful, standing there and making a difference.

Like I like to tell my YouTube followers, I like to say, own who you are. Don't be shameful of it.

Absolutely.

That is amazing.

Who was dumped in the bin can come up and stand and talk. You're all way too blessed than you think you are. Just have to.

Have one more question for you. So what made you say yes to the Internet?

I had no other option. You know, the point was I could go behind my daughter and find out what is it that she was doing or, you know, there was in. You know, I have to show you this book of ours. Hang on. In this book, both of us, Ashley and I have written this. I misunderstood. There's a whole section on technology. Her part of the. So it's about my perspective and her perspective on both things. She says, I can find 101 ways to cheat you, Mom. When it comes to technology, which is a fact. Can I get into technology and understand it as much as you guys do? No. So instead of sitting there and becoming finding and finding whose fault? Who's at fault and playing this, I love to call this India Pakistan cricket match. I think we better have to get on the same team and say, okay, tell me, dude, what is it that we need to do. The minute you start having these hot conversations, there's nothing to hide. What's there? I mean, like I said, have I done things behind my parents back? Yes. And was that a safe place to be in? No. And today with Internet, if we are not on the same team, there's a lot of cyber bullying also that's happening. There's a lot of, I mean, this. There's so many predators out there. I don't want my daughter to be going through that. And it's time that I learned Internet as well. So what's the need? And today I'm using Internet to connect with so many people. Imagine I'm connecting with leaders from across the world. Love it, right?

Exactly. Oh my God. Well, this has been so much fun. We know we asked for about 50 minutes to an hour, but I think that we literally, we've run out of questions and we have learned so, so much. Half of these questions I just made up on the spot because I wanted to know more and more and I felt, I feel like, you know, I've wanted to ask this question to someone. So this has been so awesome. Thank you for taking the time out and being in this. And what is your last message to any teenagers specifically watching this who have a goal but are very confused? In life right now.

It'S absolutely normal to be confused. If you're not confused, then you're having a problem. So understand that you're normal. That's perfectly alright. Whatever situation happens in your life, take the best and leave the rest. It's okay. It's okay. And you know that if you, if you have a goal and you're working on it, that itself means you are a young leader. Just keep brushing yourself up and making a difference in people's life. Like I said, if you can create a million smiles. Nothing. Nothing like that.

Amazing. Thank you so much for taking the time out and being a part of this.