Powerful Goal Setting Method- a Deep Dive with Debra I The AskAviArya Show

Okay, I want this for my life. How do I bring it into reality? And that's the first step. I work with individuals and businesses to help them figure out how to make a plan. I lead communities, I do workshops, but I'm really, really most passionate because I believe everybody should be living the life that they want. And how do you do that? You figure out your goal with the idea and make a plan to get there.

It seems so very simple. You know, goals, plans, everybody has them, everybody makes them. When you actually down to doing it, it's a science, it's an art. It's a lot of people, it's a lot of emotions. Everything requires a system and systems. They say systems work. People fail without good systems. So tell us a little bit about the DEB system. How did you. Why did you feel the need for a system? And what is the better. Hey, guys. This is Avi Arya, father of two girls, six dogs, husband to a superwoman, a streetcar racer turned hotelier, now social media marketer and founder of Internet moguls. Welcome to my channel. Whenever I speak on stage or I do a video on the Internet, I always tell my audience the shortest distance between two human hearts is always a story. Well said. In a concise format that connects with other hearts from all over the world. So, once again, my name is ABHI Arya, father of two girls, six dogs, husband to a superwoman, a streetcar racer turned hotelier, now social media marketer and founder of Internet. Thanking you so much for being on this interview. And now we request you to tell us your hero introduction.

Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I love meeting new people, and so it's always a pleasure to get to know, especially someone like you who's so out there and vibrant and excited to share other people's stories. So I'm Deborah. So, I'm Deborah Eckerling. I'm the author of your goal, a roadmap for setting, planning and achieving your goals, and founder of the DEB method. And DEB stands for determine your mission, explore your options, brainstorm your path. And for years, I've led groups of writers, creatives, and entrepreneurs, helping them figure out what they want and how to get it. And about two and a half years ago, I came to a crossroads where one of my jobs was going away. I've been a freelancer for years, and I said, okay, this is my moment to step into what I was truly meant to do, which is when I rebranded myself as the Depth Method. And ever since I took that leap or step or whatever we call it. Things have fallen into place so much more than they ever had before. So I work with individuals and businesses to help them figure out their goals and make a plan. I lead communities, I do workshops, but I'm really, really most passionate because I believe everybody should be living the life that they. And how do you do that? You figure out your goal to Hobia, you make a plan to get there.

Excellent. I love that. I love that. Fantastic. So, you know, this leads me right into the meat of the matter of this interview. It all seems so very simple. You know, goals, plans, everybody has them, everybody makes them. But at the same time, when you actually sit down to doing it, it's a science, it's an art, it's a lot of people, it's a lot of emotions, a lot of undeclared, you know, sort of emotion with our own selves that we haven't had those chats on. Exactly why we want what we want. Is it because the whole world wants it? Do I want what my ego wants? And you know what? This is too painful. Forget the goal making process. So then most of us don't even try it. So tell us why is something which should be so simple and maybe taught in school, college or something that should be done every quarter, every year, something which is so difficult for human beings to do?

Well, I think you really hit upon it. Figuring out what your goals are really starts with you. It is almost like it's a gift to yourself. When you say to yourself, okay, I'm going to take the time and energy to figure out what it is I want out of life, that's really the first step. And that is the step I think people do have trouble with because that they need to make money, they need to have a certain lifestyle, they need to fulfill expectations that maybe aren't just their own, but especially in constantly evolving times, which we are at right now and will be for the foreseeable future, it's the perfect time to say, okay. When I was young, I wanted this. Do I still want this? Or I was always passionate about that. Can I make it a reality? In the world in which we live in right now, everything is connectable by computer and through our networks. So if you take the time and say okay, and it doesn't even have to be your full time job, maybe it's a side hustle, maybe it's a hobby, maybe it's a passion that you never gave attention to before. Even if you take like one little sliver of something that you want, turn it into a goal, make a plan, set yourself up for success. You have no idea what that's going to lead. But your goals don't have to change your life. They probably will in some way, shape or form, but you don't have to do a massive undertaking. You can start with, okay, I want this for my life. How do I bring it into reality? And that's the first step.

Got it. Now is there. Like you said, you've created something called the DEB Method. Everything requires a system and systems that say systems work. People fail without good systems. So tell us a little bit about the DEB system. How did you. Why did you feel the need for a system and what is the DEB Method?

Okay, well, as I mentioned before, I've been leading goal setting workshops for years. I started as a writer support group when I did events at Barnes Noble. Then I moved to LA and I restarted it here. And at the beginning it was for writers and for me, a support group meant, okay, what are you working on? What did you accomplish? What's for next time? So when you are connecting with other people and you're sharing what you're working on, first of all, it's really motivating because if other people are accomplishing things, you will too, because you're like, oh, they did it. I totally can. And when you have that accountability, it really propels you. So somewhere along the line, it evolved to embrace creatives and entrepreneurs, because if you're one, you're usually the other two. And two and a half years ago, my main freelance client was going away and I said, okay, this is my time to step into what I'm supposed to do. And I've been using these systems for years. Then I realized, wait a second, my systems work with my name. I created the DEV method using the dev method. I just didn't call it the dev method until I created the dev method. I know that's a little bit circular. This is how it works. It starts with D, which is determine your mission. You can't get what you want if you don't know what you want. The five phases of that is first, it starts with visualizing. When you think of the life you want, what does that look like for you? Then look at your current bio, where you are, and then your future bio, where you want to go. And from there you can create a mission statement which basically is it's combining the who you are, your background, your experience, what you want, and how it helps others. Because you really need a mission behind the things that you Create it really propels and from there you can make it into a short motto. And that motto is like your barometer. So everything you're doing moving forward, you can refer back to that motto to make sure you stay on the path. So, for example, my mission statement is to use my background, experience and systems to help as many people as possible define, plan and achieve their goals so they can live the life they want. Okay, very long. My motto is goal setting simplified. So everything that I create for my community, for my clients is simplified. Because as you pointed out, changing your life is hard. The instructions should be easy. You're doing the work. So what's more simple than determine your mission, explore your options, brainstorm your path. So once you have that mission, you need to look at how it's going to manifest itself. So my mission is to become the number one goal setting expert. Great. What does that mean? Write a book, do classes, have communities, keynote, etc. All sorts of things. But what's first? So that's when you go through in. One of my favorite tools is called directed journaling. Now journaling isn't new and it's always been super helpful for getting out of your head and expressing your emotions, what's going around. But what I do for directed journaling, and this will also work if you're having trouble with that first step, visualizing what you want is you set 3, 4, 5, 15 minute appointments with yourself and then just brainstorm the answer to a question. What do I want? Or okay, this is my mission, what do I want to do with it? Or what can I create? Or what is my next step? Whatever it is that you're looking for, maybe you want to change jobs or careers, maybe you want to build a business, start a side hustle, maybe you want work, life, balance. So whatever it is that you want to create, you're just saying, okay, what do I want? How do I get it? And dump it all on the page. And the trick is you want to do this three, four, five times and not look at any of your answers until after you've completed the exercise. Because what's going to happen is you're going to look through your notes and see what you noted a lot and what you didn't. And it could be what you thought you wanted. You barely mentioned. And something comes out of left field that you're like, oh my goodness, yes, I mentioned that like 10 times over three days. I really need to look into this. So you find your common themes and then you do some research. Okay, I want to either write a book, start a podcast, or begin a side hustle. And you can go to your network, see who does what you do or who knows people who do what you do, or go online, watch some videos, get a little more information into what you want to accomplish. So explore your options is really the research phase. So at the end of it, you should have a clear picture of your next long term goals. Then we go into brainstorm your path, which is basically throwing everything out there, everything you need to do to get to Goaltopia to accomplish this goal. And then you'll divide it into personal, professional goals, long term, short term, and then from there you can find your benchmarks and tasks. So looking at everything you need to do, dividing it out, organizing it, setting deadlines, and set yourself up for success.

Lovely. I love the depth method. I love how detailed it is. I love what you said. For all the audience listening, make sure that you note this very crucial point, which we've almost, we've never heard anywhere else, which says do it a couple of times. And watch out for matching themes because you might not even be aware of what you really want and what is coming from the deep, the deep parts of your heart or soul and guiding you towards something that you've always wanted to do. Okay, excellent. So we understood what are the common tasks, you know, that common goals which are coming about now. When it comes to, you know, when I look at a goal at a different stage of my life, from 14 to 24 to 34, 44, you feel not so happy that you didn't achieve stuff that you should have by now. You have ego comparisons that I should have done it by now. My peers, my colleagues, people in my family, they did it. And so therefore, then you close it because you, it's just an internal sort of a conversation. When you set goals and when you feel bad, you don't want to do that exercise because initially it makes you feel bad and makes you realize this is a mirror of where you are versus where you could be, but also where you should be. So how do you deal with that?

Okay, well, it really is. And you mentioned family too, and comparisons. That's a huge deal. When I used to lead my live group in Santa Monica, Santa Monica, California, I would have people come in and say, I'm so glad to have this group because my family doesn't get me. So it's not just the comparisons to what other people are doing, it's the, oh my goodness, I can't even talk to them. They don't understand Why I need four hours a week to write, or why writing a novel or building this business. And I think part of it is you really need to get to that step in your life that says, okay, it's my time, it is my path that matters, my career that matters. What about me? So if it takes a little bit, and if you need to get that, I go back to the journaling. If you're frustrated with the way things are going in your life, write it down. Because when you write things down, it gets it out of your head and your heart and you have less heaviness. And you can also take a look at it. You know, I've been doing what I've been doing for a long time. I started my first group in the 90s in LA. I'm sorry. I started my first group back when I lived in Chicago in the 90s, and then I moved to California and restarted up. 2002 was my live group, and in 2018, I rebranded myself. But at the end of 2018, I had an inquiry from a publisher who wanted my book. Impatience, it's just. For me, it's especially challenging because, you know, I want to help so many people that I can barely contain myself sometimes. They're like, okay, come on, everybody read my book. I want to help. It's not in my time. What do I have control over? I have control over the tasks that I do every day, the things that I do that I work toward, my goals. I have control over my attitude. That's pretty much all we have control over, especially these days. Which is why what I said before, maybe it's just a little thing. Maybe when you were a kid, you had a lemonade stand or you had some. You ran a local newspaper, a little newsletter. What was that thing you did when you were a kid that brought you so much joy that you thought, you know, what, if this were my career, I'd be happy. And then somewhere along the way, you know, life, business degree, certain path comes about and you're like, okay, I have the goals that I thought I wanted, or I'm close to them, but what about what I really wanted? What about those things that I loved when I was younger that I kind of squashed? Take some time and think about what that is and see even if you can introduce it into your life, like an hour a week or 15 minutes a few days a week. Maybe there's some sort of graft project or, yeah, that's good. Or some sort of thought leadership, or you want to start a blog or something. What is that thing that really gets you excited? And look at ways to introduce that into your life a little bit each week and then see what blossoms from there. So I don't know if I answered your question.

You did. So you said if that question is uncomfortable, then two, go back to journaling. And when you journal, you'll get rid of that discomfort because otherwise it still remains in your head. And number two, still find resistance from within you or within your family to be able to pursue it. Just make it in bite size. Just, just, just don't make it an over encompassing task. Maybe just couple of times a month and see where it goes from there. So I totally get that.

Okay, good.

Now, now when it comes to say I want to lose 10 kilos in the next three months or I want to take my business and get the first 10 clients, I want to get my first 1000 YouTube subscribers, I want to finally do my first webinar. People have different kinds of goals. So in taking any of these examples for our audience, can you tell us how should they break it down step by step to be able to achieve any of these goals?

Absolutely. I'm going to start with the losing weight one because that's a little bit different of a goal. I call those lifestyle goals. So what I was talking about before going through, through Deb, you still want to go through the steps, determine your mission, explore your options, brainstorm your path. Okay, I want to lose weight. When you're brainstorming, think of all the things that you need to do to make that happen. So I want to lose this amount of weight. So that means I need to eat healthy, I need to work out, I need to cook more, I need to eat out less, I need to whatever. So you're the things that you're brainstorming for a lifestyle goal. It's more like ongoing appointments with yourself. So maybe it's okay, I can't do it on my own. I need to join a diet plan. So you research which ones you want to do and you do those in addition, obviously you want to exercise. Okay, what makes sense for me, what kind of exercise do I like? There are classes online everywhere for anything you want to do, even walking. You can watch YouTube videos which are walking. Think about what looks right for your life and say, okay, well I can do an hour of walking three or four times a week. You put it in your calendar and you do that and then you look at your meals. Okay, I need to. Whether you do your own meal plan or you go for some sort of healthy diet option, whatever it is, see what you need to do to incorporate that in your week. You do grocery shopping one day a week and you prepare your meals, look at your life and see what makes sense and set appointments for it. So that is for whether your lifestyle goal is to lose weight or. I am going to give another good example of a lifestyle goal. Let's say you want to, you want to start a hobby. You're unfulfilled by work, but it's a good job and you're good at it and you don't want to get rid of it, right? So what is. But you want a hobby and you don't know what that is. So give yourself a two hour appointment or even one once a week. And the first thing you, for the first two weeks each week is like exploring, doing some research. Okay? You make a list of 10 things you think you want to do and every week you do some research into what it is. And then once you settle on something, you keep making those appointments for yourself to do that. So any lifestyle goal, see what you need to do. Schedule appointments, make it happen. Okay.

Whatever gets scheduled gets done. If it's not in your calendar, it's not happening. Okay?

Yes, and I schedule. And this will transition nicely into your other question is I schedule everything. I schedule my client work, my book outreach, my writing, my personal projects, my meetings. Everything goes in the calendar. Because if it's not in the calendar, it's not going to get done. And the key with goals, especially things that you're creating, things you're building, things that aren't necessarily going to benefit you. The second you need to look at your life, see what makes sense to put into your calendar. So you keep those appointments. So, okay, so let's say you want, you want to grow. Which of your examples do you want me to.

Anything. I want to start, conduct my first webinar.

Okay, I want to do my first webinar. Excellent. Perfect. Great. First thing you want to do is research what kind of webinar you want to do. You're going to need to figure out. So when you're brainstorming your list, you're going to say, okay, want to do a webinar? I want to do 1 hour, 2 hour, 3 hours. What are good webinars out there? I need to research. So first thing you want to do is you want to see what other people are doing. So you have a nice model for that. So maybe your first week or two is researching so you've got something to pattern what you want to do off of. Then you need to research what you're going to use for delivering the webinar because there are tools galore. And the other thing you can do during this research phase is to see who you know who does webinars, who you can reach out to and say, hey, can I, can we have a quick chat, zoom chat, real life chat conversation, Pick up the phone, see who you know who does what you want to do and see if they'd be willing to have a conversation with you. Now, it's a little bit of a slippery slope if the person you're asking does this for a living. You also want to be protective of their time. So just, you know, be careful or see what you can offer in return. I know this is your business, this is my business. How can we help each other? It starts with the research. Great. You know what you want to do. Then you want to set your appointments again, what makes sense, once a week, twice a week, an hour, two hours, and work on creating your webinar. In the meantime, you're also setting goals for your social media outreach. You're setting goals for building your newsletter list for your opt in. Whatever you need to do to make that webinar happen should be on that list. And when you have your list, you can categorize it into this is what I need to do for research, this is what I need to do for social media, this is what I need to do for content, this is what I need to do for launch. And then schedule all those. Each long term goal will have short term goals attached to it. Each short term goal will have benchmarks and the research is a benchmark, the social media plan is a benchmark. Maybe creating the content is more like more of a goal because you're going to have benchmarks within them and underneath the benchmarks you will have tasks. So it's a matter of building up. What tasks do you need to do to get to each benchmark? Which benchmark do you need to do to get to each goal and then schedule it all.

Awesome. Which brings me, you mentioned tools, which brings me to the tool section. I've got some tools over here, different color, I've got a bucket list, I've got goals, journal for monthly, weekly, and then what I should do every day. So I've got something for my life, I've got something for the month, something for. Then I just write everything down in the weekly format and then every day what I need to do. So it helps me sort of stay on track and I like it. I just feel even when I'm striking off stuff from the diary, then I. And then for the weekly stuff, I also use these flashcards. So I write them stuff, and I keep it right in front of me and I tear them up and throw them away once I've done it. So I know that I've taken away from some of these goals and I'm getting it done and I'm coming toward my goals. What would be some of the tools that you suggest?

Well, first of all, I love everything you just said, except for one thing, because you said you scratch things off and you throw out your cards. I think it is so important to track the steps that you're taking to achieve your goals. Because at the end of the month when you're like, oh, my goodness, not there yet, you can look back and see what you accomplished and say, oh, but I did this, this, this and this. I'm doing better than I thought I was. Okay, so one thing that I recommend is. So I start with. I always have a notepad at my disposal. I go through so many of these, and I start on Sunday nights. I write a list very similar to the brainstorm your path list, but this is everything that needs to get done each week. And I divide it by client and I divide it by project. And then I keep my ongoings at the bottom. And then what I will do is I will type it in. Actually, this part you only need to do once or when you're starting a new thing from scratch. But then go into my calendar and I put in a Sunday appointment with everything that needs to get done that week. So I just have my list is wherever I am. And so the next thing is to look at my list and schedule appointments to do the things on my list throughout the week. So it starts with the list and then the list. And then as things get done throughout the week, I will check them off on my paper list and on my electronic list I will write done in all caps next to everything that gets done. So at the end of the week, I can copy it and paste it in the next week, delete the dones, keep the ongoings, and add any new things. So that way at the end of the week I could be like, oh, I did all this stuff and you have your appointments. So this is another little hacky thing, is let's say you don't know what you're going to be doing, but you know you have two hours each week to do it. So you schedule those appointments for yourself. And after you accomplish?